When a special birthday cake goes missing, it's up to Private Eye Pinkie Pie to figure out which of her friends is the culprit!
Originally written for the December 2015 Writeoff event, "Things Left Unsaid".
Chapters (1)
- Member Since 11th Sep, 2013
- offline last seen Oct 20th, 2021
Bachiavellian
Don't you have somewhere better to be?
Bachiavellian
Joined 11th Sep, 2013 ·
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This is called a “bach-pipe”.
Tenses! Tenses!
Is this past or present?
6802007
This is probably funnier than my entire story. And I'm okay with that.
6802718
I just finished to read it. It's a nice story. Up voted. But beware of your tenses, there are some jarring shifts left here and there.
What I especially like is Pinkie's dialogue absorbed into her thoughts. This is very effective. And makes the reaction of the other ponies quite hilarious!
Really nicely done. Congrats!
6802820
Thank you! Yeah, me and tenses never mix well. For some reasons, every sentence I write is invariably in present tense as it comes out of my head, and I don't always remember to transcribe them to past tense.
Well, as they always say to me: get a proofreader and an editor.
But The story was fun and solid. And The vice of pinkie was perfekt. Have a like... Oh what The HAY, have a fav!
I liked the new ending!
also, PinkieShy ship? sounds cute.
6803740
Thank you! Yeah, there always seems to be just one more tense slip that I didn't catch. Well, I appreciate that you enjoyed the story regardless!
6804165
Heh, yeah, that was me mostly trying to balance out the bleaker tone of the previous couple of scenes. Anyways, I'm glad you liked how it turned out!
Really funny story, I enjoyed it
It might even sneak its way into the feature box!
6803446 And here I thought that was deliberate, that you were trying to split between actual narration (in the past tense) and Pinkie's voice (in the present tense).
(Also, I kind of figured the culprit early on, from the fact that Spike was under the weather and Pinkie didn't see him.)
6807639
Drat, I knew I should have kept my mouth shut! People interpreting my mistakes as meaningful is the closest I'll get to artistic integrity!
I actually did do a present/past tense dichotomy for one of my stories, so now I guess the habit stuck.
6805008
Thank you!
6805851
I honestly don't know about that, but thanks for the thought.
6808056 Isn't that always the case? Modern art is so often about the audience's perception, death of the author (metaphorical only, as literally dead authors have a distressing habit of ceasing to produce more works, even leaving what they were working on unfinished), and things like that.
6810679
You make a compelling point. If anyone wants to read into the tense slips and interpret them as high art, who am I to get in the way?
As a mystery, I could see the ending coming from a mile away. As a comedy, the fake noir style was hilarious. All in all, I think it's a good story.
Never.Ever.Get between a small, curly-maned, pink horse and her ruby-cake!
Very funny. Even seeing the true answer to the mystery didn’t detract from the ride at all. Between this and Sparkle’s Law, Pinkie really is the best hard-boiled detective.
On reread, this is in the wrong folder. Lemme fix that. I really do love this story. It's so perfectly Pinkie Pie.
Ok, yeah, the Angels know what's up.
The narrative device is clever, sets up all the jokes neatly, and is perfectly Pinkie Pie in all her fourth-wall-breaking glory! Nice work
The tense changes threw me a little, but I loved the story. The solution was pretty obvious, but Pinkie was HILARIOUS. I had so much fun imagining what everypony's face looked like as she narrated her sometimes less-than-generous noir-style thoughts about them!!
Right off the bat, Pinkie's voice grabbed me. I totally believe this is Pinkie in detective mode.
Oh God, she's saying all these things out loud!
This was hilarious, with a consistent voice and much opportunity for the reader to roll their eyes at Pinkie.
There were a few instances of switching to present tense, a couple of which were a bit jarring. Though looking through the comments after writing this one, I see folks already mentioning that.
Regardless, this was a very enjoyable read, and I look forward to reading more of your stories! Much thanks to Corejo for recommending this one!
8426609
Happy you liked it! And yes, I have a long-ongoing not-so-subtle affair with the present tense. I don't know why, it just feels more natural to me for some goshdarn reason. :B
8426908
In my one and only first-person story, that was the majority of the complaints from my EQD editor. I have the same problem!
You can has review!
See Now why couldn’t this be part of the episode instead?
This was hilarious. The first four paragraphs grabbed me. By about 10% of the way in I involuntarily declared, "This is fantastic." Yeah, a few grammar niggles, but the magnificent narrative voice more than makes up for it. This is so utterly Pinkie in its deadpan absurdity. Thank you!