Revised Chapter 16 (MAJOR Spoilers) · 7:44am Mar 26th, 2017
Hey everyone. After extensive feedback of chapter 16 I decided to revise it. Not so much that you need to reread the whole thing though. Just a little explanation for Soul Magic and Celestia having a different reaction to the name on the wall.
The changes barely took more than five hundred words, so instead of rereading the whole chapter you can just read the revised parts here.
Soul Magic: It was likely Fire Cracker simply hadn't known what she was doing, and had utilized part of her soul by mistake out of desperation to keep the name from being erased. Therefore, it was unlikely to have any complicated defenses like most layered Soul Spells did.
Celestia's reaction: Celestia snapped back to reality, the name in front of her gone. Not a trace of it left on the cold white wall. Celestia shuddered and did her best to hide her deep breaths.
She could hear the ponies beside her talking, but she ignored them and stared at the now blank wall. Her mind reeling from all the things she’d seen.
Fire Cracker was a moody alcoholic who beat up other ponies for fun. She had also been abandoned by her parents.
Fire Cracker used extreme racism in order to feel better about herself. She had inadvertently learned to do that when her older brother comforted her after she’d been verbally abused by bullies.
Fire Cracker had been violent from the day she earned her Cutie Mark. She had been defending herself, and doing her best to protect others.
Fire Cracker pushed her older brother away when all he’d wanted to do was help her. She didn’t want to be hurt by the fact that he was scared of her.
Fire Cracker was a Fighter. She was also a pony.
These conflicting statements waged war in Celestia’s mind. Fighters didn’t deserve to live in a kingdom of peace, yet Fire Cracker had been a Fighter, and anypony could tell that she had desperately needed help. What had Celestia done? Thrown her in a cell to rot.
All Fighters deserved that.
None of her precious little ponies deserved that.
“Your Majesty?”
“Your Highness, are you alright!?”
The ponies beside her were growing more and more frantic. Celestia squeezed her eyes shut, then pushed her warring thoughts to the back of her mind.
“I am fine,” her voice was shakier than she’d like. She sucked in a breath through her nose, and let it out her mouth.
“The name had been enchanted with Soul Magic.” Her voice was regal once more. “It caught me by surprise, but I was able to deal with it.”
“Soul Magic? Isn’t that an extremely advanced form of magic only Archmages can perform?” asked a unicorn reporter.
“Why would such such powerful magic be used for vandalism?” asked Healing Hooves.
Celestia shook her head.
“It is unlikely Fire Cracker intentionally used it. What probably happened was that she was overcome with emotion while writing her name, and inadvertently began to literally pour her soul into the spell.”
“Why?”
Desperation to be remembered.
“I don’t know. It is unlikely we’d be able to find out, as the markings are at least one hundred years old.” The lie felt bitter on Celestia’s tongue, but it was necessary.
“Even still, there’s probably a hell of a story there. Are there any records left from when this inmate was imprisoned?” asked another reporter. The other members of the press began jotting down notes with great enthusiasm.
“My little ponies, please,” said Celestia. “We are here in order to learn about a place of healing, not to investigate a criminal who’s been dead for hundreds of years. Let the violence of the past STAY in the past. It benefits nopony to bring it up in the present.”
The reporters looked sheepish, and scribbled out their notes.
Celestia felt a spike of guilt stab itself into her heart. Fire Cracker’s final wish had been that she be remembered. The good, the bad, ALL of it. Fire Cracker had been an utter mess of a mare and she’d known it. She didn’t care, she wanted ponies to know her story. She wanted to insure that she didn’t die both alone and forgotten. It was an innocent wish. One that anypony could understand. Almost anypony would do their best to keep Fire Cracker’s story alive after seeing her story.
Celestia knew all this, and here she was, doing her best to bury the memory of Fire Cracker. To make sure it never saw the light of day.
This must be done. It is necessary for peace.
No matter how many times she repeated the thought, her guilt didn’t fade.
Ooooh Celestia... I wanna drop you hard
I need Anarchy up in here, she'd love a chance to punch Celly in the face.
Nice rewrite though
Also...
Might pm you bout' something