In the next exciting chapter of Princess Flurry Heart Versus the Mud Monsters · 5:22pm Mar 8th, 2017
“I’m not having a good time!”
The voice was too familiar and Flurry began to look about.
“Oh, come on Sunburst, this has been a wonderful date!”
“I didn’t come to Ponyville to fight mud monsters!”
“No, I suppose you didn’t. You came to Ponyville with Flurry Heart with the hopes of snogging me when and if you had some free time.” Shrill laughter echoed between the houses, some ruined, some still standing.
“No, I didn’t come with the hopes of just snogging you, either.”
“Oh, that hurts, Sunny, that hurts!”
Even the muddy poo monster seemed curious about this development, and it paused to listen. With a distinct lull in the action, Twilight ceased firing and took a breather. Trixie recast her shield spell and began to super-charge her horn, which glowed with a frightening intensity. When she let go, it would be a doosie.
“Glimmy, I didn’t mean it like that!”
“Well, how did you mean it?”
The two unicorns came into view, covered in mud and filthy. Sunburst’s glasses were crooked and his cape was encrusted with grossness. Starlight Glimmer had a bit of dance in her prance, even though she looked rather upset at the moment. Flurry was used to this, as these two were always arguing when they got together, and then there would be lots of slurpy make up kisses.
“Glimmy, I came to Ponyville to ask you a very important question—”
“Yes?” Starlight paused, midstep.
“And I wanted everything to be perfect when I asked this question and the mud monsters just sort of ruined everything and now, I just don’t know. This is really hard for me.”
The hulking excremental hunched over and looked at the couple whilst they stared at one another. A bit of sweet yellow corn dribbled from the corner of two black tarry eyes that had formed in its disgusting, claggy face. Olive was now hugging Pebble, and both fillies eyes shimmered with warm, feminine emotion.
“Well, go on, ask me your question,” Starlight Glimmer demanded and she pressed her muddy muddle against Sunburst’s.
Flurry’s heart now felt soft and squishy—she didn’t care about her injuries, the goose-egg sized lump on the back of her skull, her dozens of lacerations, and her many bruises that would turn into varying shades of ugliness later. She just wanted her tutor to be happy, and everypony agreed, this was long overdue. Fate had conspired to keep the two lovers apart.
Well, fate and Flurry Heart herself. Sunburst had his job as her tutor, and she always felt such awful guilt. She didn’t know how this ended, or what might change, but she hoped that her tutor could be happy, because he deserved it. Sunburst had been her best friend for as long as Flurry could remember, going all the way to her hazy first memories as a yearling. He was family, he was a face seen every morning at the breakfast table, and he was always there for her, right along with Sleet, her nanny.
Whatever great romantic moment that was about to happen was not meant to be. The excremental had other plans. It’s face contorted, changing shape, and it became a giant amorphous pair of muddy butt cheeks. With a gross gurgle, it squirted out a stream of filth with a flatulent florp and bombarded the two lovers having a tender moment.
Sunburst and Starlight Glimmer became two statues as the mud hardened like stone around them. Flurry let out an angry shriek, Megara roared, Boomer let out a much smaller, much squeakier roar, and Twilight charged up to attack. Trixie let go with her super-charged horn and the resulting blast blew a hole the size of a giant pumpkin in the chest area of the mud monster.
Oh noes! That magical moment, forever lost to time, like turds flushed down a toilet.
That was a really shitty thing for the monster to do. Also this reminds me of when a friend of mine wrote a CMC Ship Fic and fate seemed to constantly conspire against Spike and Sweetie Belle getting a first kiss. I wonder just how many times Sunburst has tried to ask the question only for shit to hit the fan and all this plans to be flushed down the toilet as it were.
You incurable romantic ,you.
Well, shit.
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I dunno, a shot of penicillin will clear me right up. I am deathly allergic to penicillin.