Cyborgification is potentially a-go · 7:15pm Mar 5th, 2023
Finally found a doctor that didn't run screaming upon seeing my spine images and xrays. The team is coming together. Met with the neurosurgeon the other day, and he thinks I am an ideal candidate for augmentation. The transition is happening, I think. I still have to pass a psych evaluation and other steps, but I am closer now than ever. First I'll have the trial run; they'll sink electrodes into my spinal cord and the hardware will be external. We'll see how that goes. If all goes well and there is a measure of success, all of the hardware will be integrated internally with my wetware. Batteries, control box, massive six inch long electrodes sunk directly into my spinal cord. The works. I'll get a little remote to make my hardware work, and a charging cradle to recharge my batteries. Batteries inside of my body. Which is still a weird sentence to type.
There's a lot that can go wrong, but at this point, I really don't care. Even death is a win situation. If it works though, then comes the aftermath. From what I understand, a lot of patients become sensitive to electromagnetic interference, and you'll be able to feel wifi signals and the like. It's a hum, I'm told. A hum in your insides, felt in your wires and hardware threaded through your internals. Eventually, you'll have to get cut open and have your batteries replaced. With this comes all of the usual surgical risk, plus others during healing, like infections and what have you. You have to be careful how you move, and how you jostle your body, because you don't want your hardware shifting, or your electrodes becoming dislodged. If that happens, surgery is required to correct things... if they can be corrected. You can end up with things like tears or fissures in your spinal cord. Not fun.
I am looking forward to the transition, truth be told. Change, any change, would be welcome. Something to break up the monotony. One day, I will go to sleep, and when I wake up, I'll be someone and something else. A lot of people see this as a loss of humanity... but I disagree. Since getting my exo, I've had some small measure of life returned to me. I can get into the kitchen and cook again. My exo moves my body when I can't. Up and down and back and forth. And that is not a loss of humanity. Integrating with a machine is not a loss of humanity, but rather, I would argue, a restoration. Many would disagree with me though. And that's fine. I've heard the horror stories about people losing friends and family because of augmentation. I've been told about grief and grieving the loss of your stock standard human form... whatever that is. And maybe for some people, this is an issue. Perhaps even an insurmountable issue. But I am out of fucks to give, and don't give a damn about my human form. Which is a source of contention right now. I keep getting told that I cannot go down the path of healing until I care about myself and do something about my apathy. Maybe that's true. But in my current state, I can't be made to care. I'm hashing out things with my therapist, and I seem to be unwell. My total lack of fear about this whole process is seen as a warning sign. A cautionary symptom. I don't know how to process it any differently. It's been the big snag going forward. My sense of fear and self preservation seems to be completely fractured beyond repair.
What I can't imagine is someone losing friends, family, and loved ones because of this. I just can't wrap my head around that. Yes, I am aware that people are that ignorant... but still... it's hard to comprehend. Or maybe it isn't, given the ridiculous fear of vaccines making you magnetic and susceptible to woke 5G mind washing or whatever the cool pop-conspiracy of the moment might be. Sometimes I feel so disconnected and detached from humanity already. Because there are so many things that I just don't get. My comprehension, such as it is, fails. And I'm just left confused and even more isolated from people around me. When you feel this way, rejecting your human status feels so much easier, perhaps. It's easier to let go and become something else, whatever that might be. A transition to a form of humanity that is of your own choosing. Maybe that's better. Just outright rejection of the opinions and standards of others and to become the thing you wish to be, with your own standards. Becoming an apathetic cyborg might just be the ultimate sigma move. I don't want to be a part of the hierarchy... I'd rather do something else. Don't need to belong. I say all of this with humour, but there's some serious truth buried in the words somewhere. Maybe. I dunno.
There's going to be more cutting. More trauma. More lacerated flesh and stitching. And with that comes the mental scars. Can't imagine what this will do to my PTSD, but I am not looking forward to it. I'm not afraid of the surgery, or the cutting, or the stitching. That just feels like some distant concern that I can't be bothered with. But the trauma that comes with it... and my OCD... more obsessive thoughts that I can't shake. More compulsions. More getting stuck remembering post-surgical pain on a loop and having it gestalt with all of the other memories into some horrid nightmare that lurks in the stygian shadows of my psyche. Like elevator music from Hell. There'll be no escaping it.
But I suppose that is a small price to pay to become something else.
I hope things go well and you get better, at least stay around until I do another long awaited visit
Anything that gives you quality of life back is a worthwhile improvement. Period.
I too recall people screaming about things they call "unnatural" like vaccines - while wearing glasses, flying in planes and enjoying the other conveniences of modern society. I can't help but feel they are either dumb or hypocrites (or - most likely - both).
People are no less human just because they wear glasses, get LASIK, get an artificial hip replacement, get an implanted pacemaker or insulin pump or get electrodes implanted in their spine. In twenty years time getting implanted augmentations might become as common as getting "ordinary" implants is today - I know they is e.g. a lot of research ongoing in regards to artificial vision (i.e. something that will allow currently blind people to "see").
I'm keeping fingers crossed that you'll get better and feel better soon!
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You are one of my favorite writers here, I really enjoyed your stories and they gave me a lot of joy during some rather bad times in my life a while back (and when you mentioned cooking I couldn't help but think back at your blog post with the delicious looking Chimichangas a good while back - I fear I might be a bit of a foodie
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By strict technical definition, wearing eyeglasses makes you a cyborg. But people fail to grasp this and different = scary.
Here's a cyborg from 1504. Augmentations are nothing new or futuristic.
I suppose that it falls on me to advocate, educate, and elucidate the issue so people can have a better understanding. But that means social interaction.
Congratulations and good luck!
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That means I (technically) am a cyborg too? AWESOME
Social interactions?
Ewwww... but sometimes it can't be helped, I guess.
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I whish you all the best with your situation! I was a bit worried since you last post was some time ago and I hope that you will get some semblance of a normal life back. Your stories helped me through a deep depression and if others think less of you for doing this, fuck 'em. Also, congrats on you becoming a member of the Adeptus Mechanicus
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The really weird part is that the exceptions are a trope, so some of these lunatics are less hypocritical than others.
At first i didn't think you were serious and were just telling a sci-fi short, but you are serious. I am surprised prosthetics have advanced so much. Honestly I thought that the idea of prosthetics and or augmentations taking away your humanity was dumb, mostly because we would never actually get to encounter situations where such thoughts were even relevant. But now, I feel like we may get to encounter moral questions that were previously only in fiction and I don't know what to feel about that. But I do feel like I slept on something big.
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https://www.medtronic.com/us-en/healthcare-professionals/products/neurological/spinal-cord-stimulation-systems.html
It is fascinating stuff, if you are curious.
Good to hear from you again, hoping things go well for you moving forward.
I don't understand people who think the human body is so inherently pure. We're hyper-minmaxed pursuit predators that accidentally discovered depression, whom nature doesn't care if we live past puberty as long as we breed, and there are people who'd end friendships over wanting to change any of it?
Looking at the controller for that stuff, be careful if you ever have it out in Public. A Karen might see it and try forcibly taking it from you to give her her child thinking it is a toy/game device. And I say this in all seriously, seen too many stories of people with similar important medical devices being attacked by Karen's wanting to give their crotchspawn something to play with
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Holy shit, you're still alive!
...Let's hope things stay that way. There is not one person alive that can read this that hasn't physically benefited from technology in one way or another, if it can help a person function, there should be no issue.
this is amazingly good new friend i am hopping you finally get some relief and a bit of your life back.
Hope things go well for you. Good to hear that quality of life has improved a bit for you, aside from the joys of mental health that seem to be declining for everyone these days.
I'm quite chuffed to see that something can be done to help with your situation. It may be a far call from talking about social stratification but honestly I'm over the moon that something might be able to allow you to burn bright. You have wonderful mind and a lot of ideas and I for one would be remiss to see you continued to be cadged by something as banal as a traitorous body. I wish nothing but the best for you and will pray for your speedy recovery.
Best of luck to you.
Who knew The Borg started with one fanfiction writer?
I wish you the best of luck!
Hope it can give you your quality of life back. I find it odd they would put the batteries in you vs having them external in a waterproof caddy with a strap around you or something, so they could easily be swapped or recharged. Would think you would only want to be cut open one time.
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That would require an open hole for hardware access. That would mean infections and all of the other dangers. It's not much different than a pacemaker. The hardware gets tucked inside so everything can heal over for safety.
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I saw more of the documentation. I would think they could use the same hole the leads and controller already are coming out of. The controller is wireless, and not attached? All it talked about was charging the thing via a belt. Your looking at the spectra one?
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The leads and controller are all internal. With the battery. Not sure how this is confusing. Having an open hole on your spinal cord long term would be disastrous. Everything is internal.
Edit: Not sure what brand and model I'll get. That's to be determined.
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I meant the screen part as the controller sorry. But I see now I guess the cradle goes on you then you wireless charge the whole unit that's embedded yes? That would make more sense. The screen thing is wireless then? So there is zero hole to the outside when done?
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I can also get a charging cradle installed in the seatback of my exo. And yes, everything is sealed inside. The remote control to operate the system is wireless. I can also use my phone to control the hardware. I'll have wireless capabilities installed in my wetware for a self-contained system.
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Got it.
Good luck!!! I hope that it goes through and that it makes a big impact on you.
No matter what comes next. Focus on what you can do, not what you can't. Worse thing that one can do to one's self is give up everything for the loss of a few things.
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Oh, I agree completely. I'm getting this done so I can keep fighting. I just hope it works.
People lose friends and family because they get cybernetic implants? I think it is pretty neat that we're now able to start doing things like that. I have a cousin with a cochlear implant and I think that is pretty neat that it exists and can help her. It's the next step after getting replacement joints, in my mind.
I'll be cheering for a positive outcome for you.
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People have falling outs over vaccines and mask wearing.