I'm Terrible At Keeping Promises...Also, An Ugly Truth About Me · 2:57am Feb 15th, 2017
Ugh...I really suck at this whole keeping promises thing. But I'm going to try to shed some light on why and how things went so awry the past few years. What's changed since I stopped cranking out over 50k words a month from 2012-14ish:
For one, I graduated in May 2013, diving head-first into the realm business-first small, and now corporate level.
Ever since then, it just seems like different things keep popping up and distracting me from this whole writing thing.
From different shows like Game of Thrones, The Walking Dead, and now Voltron (to name a few), to the near half-dozen relationships I've passed thru since starting my writings in March of 2012.
Or perhaps my interests have changed over the years...I'd only be human if I kept evolving, right? 
That and, after years of pony, I'd gotten just a tad bit burned out a while back...
Other things like family matters and personal health issues have also cropped up, such as me moving back in with my grandparents due to their advancing age, hence my slow taking over of their affairs. Affairs like oil and natural gas platform and real estate management half a state away-and in Texas, that's over 500 miles I'm having to drive at least once a month to check on them-as well as their personal estate affairs (my grandpa has so many old guns and equipment related to them that nobody else in the family is interested in or has the time to fool with so I've been learning how to operate and care for them so he can pass them down to me without worrying about them being abused).
That's to say nothing about his personal cars, my grandmother's ceramic business equipment, and the house itself, which I'm also inheriting and must repair before doing so.
While living with them, I'll also admit that my stance on "love and tolerate" was severely shaken this past year during the election process. I bought into the whole "Hillary is evil" and "she'll take your guns and ammo" scare that ran rampant in red states last year. I got heavily into firearms, both shooting and collecting them as well the reloading, creation, and hoarding of ammo. I see now that those things were waste of my time and money and I've been working like crazy to pay off that debt. 
Most of this has been done on my own, and between working 50+ hours a week and the affairs management, has left me with precious little time to write.
There's also my personal health issues, the greatest of which have been workplace injuries (as well as old sports booboos cropping back up) to the nerves in my hands and fingers, limiting me to literally typing with only 5 fingers instead of all 10, slowing me down and making typing uncomfortable. In other words: I ain't the 22 years young I was when I started this crazy journey! 
Then there's my personal relationship stuff, which I won't get too deep into. But suffice to say anyone who's ever dated someone who took advantage of their good nature that they can be a serious drag on one's income and time. I'm just glad I got out of those relationships and realized I don't need close human contact when I've got a supportive group like you guys by my side.
Guys like Biker Dash...D48...Tyrannosaurus Tux...TotallyNotABrony...DJThomp...and way too many more than I can count or even remember...God it's been so long.
I'm so sorry for having forgotten about you and the things ya'll did for me over the years. The support I was given...I feel like it's nearly been wasted. 
But there's more...much more. Ya'll might get a bit disgusted by what I'm going to say here, but it's a truth that needs to be told.
There's something ya'll don't know about me, or my writings...well, one big story in particular. Ya'll know what I'm talking about.
Let's deal with that first.
Years ago, I fell in love/lust with a girl from California (I won't mention her name here). We met in a completely different fandom, exchanged messages on a forum message board for years, comforted each other in our times of need as we grew up, and generally considered ourselves best friends. She finally visited back in the summer of 2012, and I'm gonna be honest here: we did a lot of things that we (at the very least) semi-regretted. We were young and dumb and horny...I think ya'll get it. Then she went back home. We haven't seen each other in person since.
In the Blue Angel story (which as ya'll may remember began as a one-shot), I used my relationship experiences between her and myself as a rough model for Volare and Rainbow Dash's budding relationship in the story. Does this make the story some sort of self-insert wish fulfillment for an opportunity lost in real like between her and myself? Eh, maybe...though I will say this: though I've based much of RD on my friend, Volare can only be described as the person I strive to be. For I'm certainly not as loyal and dependable and he is in the story.
Maybe that does make it wish fulfillment then...I don't know anymore, to be honest. It's kinda gone a bit beyond anything I could ever imagine myself accomplishing in real life anyway. 
But then again, isn't that the goal of fanfiction? Wish fulfillment?
There's more to it than that, but I think ya'll get the gist.
I lost the fire for her and in doing so, I lost a large portion of the fire for the story (and for some parts of life in general).
I retreated into what I understood and could do good at: making money and advancing in the business field (which, depending on your point of view, I've either been doing really good at-I've bought and sold things I'd never dreamed of owning due to my hard work-or really bad-it ate my time and passion for creativity in regards to writing.)
I guess I've been searching for that fire ever since. I was just too damn blind to see it right in front of me
There's one more thing I need to disclose about myself and this fandom, specifically how I originally got heavily into it in the first place.
Okay...here goes:
Does anyone here remember an old story that used to be one here; one by an author named "Coal Buck?"
If ya'll know the author then ya know then story of which I speak. If not, the story was called "My Second Life."
By today's standards, it's sometimes scoffed at as a second-rate, unabashed and cringy Brony banging ponies story. And underneath it all, I don't think the author set out looking to write anything but that.
But at the time, nobody had ever seen such a story like it; it revolutionized the Human in Equestria story trope by giving it more than just bare bones wish fulfillment content: it had life. It had world building, an actual story with fleshed-out characters (this was from before Fallout: Equestria, mind you). Along with those fleshed-out characters was a storyline that refused to pull any punches in the details department, right down to the nitty-gritty, sticky sweaty details.
It was on one of those weird nights between college classes in mid-2011 that I was clued into the brony fandom, MLP:FiM, and the fandom behind it...specifically the darker side of the fandom. I seriously found Fimfiction.net while google browsing for clop stories and found a few chapters from "My Second Life."
I'm not embarrassed to say that I enjoyed those chapters, as well as other clop stories that I found on the site. 
However, as I delved deeper into the story those chapters were attached to, as well as the other stories that were attached to this site, I came to have a new-found respect and admiration for these wonderfully wacky folks that could grow and create so much with just a cartoon show about miniature horses as its seed. I wanted to join in, so I made an account and...well, I guess the rest is history. Becoming ancient history in fact. 
In internet terms anyway.
Ya'll are the first folks I've EVER admitted this to, and if there are any of you still hanging around at this point in this blog, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. I can truly call you call friends, brothers, sisters, and fellow bronies. /)
I hope you can forgive me for keeping this a secret for so long as well as my extreme absence from writing and fandom participation for these past few years.
Now then, for the good stuff:
I feel like I've still got a LOT of writing left in me, and with the impending arrival of spring I'm feeling like my hiatus and brony hibernation is coming to an end, and swiftly! 
Ok, enough with the bad puns. Here's what I've gotta make time to do this year:
My current "To-Do" list regarding writing and this fandom:
1. Finish watching Season 6 before Season 7 hits
2. Watch the latest movie.
3. Update my own writings
4. Finish the Wingblade Document
5. Write new things.
And when In say write new things, I mean I'm gonna try my hand at short stories and one-shots, starting with a pseudo-sequel to one of the funniest stories I've ever read on this site, written by one of my longest-standing supporters and a man I feel I can call my brother:
"Princess Celestia and the Fat-Free Pringles"
by Biker Dash
He's been at times my motivator/shout-at-me-till-I-give-a-damn guy, my editor, and at all times a friend with the patience of Job.
My friend, and I'm sorry to have shown so little progress with my writing despite all that you've done for me.
I hope to rectify that much sooner than later.
Also, I'm probably gonna have to start unfollowing people/groups on this site or something, cuz just since the beginning of the year, I've gotten over 1900 freaking unread updated on my feed! 
To say it's a bit overwhelming with everything else in my life is quite the understatement!
Gotta do the same thing with Youtube...or just stay off it all together or something.
Quit eating my life and making me lazy, dammit!!!! 
Anyways, to all those who have continued to stick by me, encourage me, yell at me, or just poke me with a stick to make sure I'm still alive...from the bottom of my heart this Valentine's Day I say:
Good to see you're still with us. Cant wait for the new stuff.
so in short we (may) se up dates some time in the next year or three??
Welcome back.
Glad to see you're still around. Don't sweat the updates. You're not the only one who has a hard time with deadlines . . . trust me, I'm just as bad.
Good to see you're still kicking. Blue Angel still sticks in my mind and I hope you are able to return to it.
Glad to see you're still around, V.
It's good to know that you're back!
Glad to see you back! I know it may not mean much, since you don't know me,but I've missed you! You were one of the authors that really pulled me into the fandom and changed a lot. I have a story people like, great friends that I can trust with anything, and a lot of personal change that came from me being inspired by your story. Again, it may not mean much and I might seem a tad silly, crazy, and overly sentimental, but I'm really glad to see you back. Hope you can continue to share your story with us!
Glad to see you around here again!
(\
Keep it up, life is Hard as hell, and the fact that you are still fighting says a lot.
Glad to hear from you again
Great to see you around again, b'y!
No worries. Glad to see you're still around
I don't actually know anyone who's seen the latest movie.
Let me be among the first to say WELCOME BACK!
*offers hoofbump*
Welcome back and may Harmony be with you wherever you go
Welcome back. And for what it's worth, I have heard far darker and/or sttanger ways folks got introduced to this fandom. I myself was bored and surfing Omegle and someone was streaming the show over their camera. At first I thought it was a parody and had a few laughs. Then, they clued me in to what I was actually watching.
A friend of mine joined the herd after someone snuck Winter Wrap Up into his music library... He was listening to music debating whether or not to drive off the next bridge... then that came on. The sheer unabashed joy snapped him out of his depression at the last possible moment.
A different friend started watching with his daughter. Another just got bored and found it on reddit... the list goes on. How you joined the party doesn't matter. It's what you chose to do while you were here. :)
BOYS! This man is in serious need of a hug!!!
i1268.photobucket.com/albums/jj580/charlieg1999/SPARTANS/tumblr_m9zj24S9bZ1qcakl4o1_r1_500.gif
Damn, that sucks man. I think to say that this community is always open and ready to welcome anyone who goes off into the harsh world we live in sadly. Why I enjoy this community and a lot of things about it. I as others have said before nice to see ya alive n kicking still. Keep at it buddy and hope to hear more from ya soon.
Now excuse me as I go start reading blue angel because I've always mean to do so but just never got around to doing so.
Fam if I don't see another Blue Angels chapter within this year I'm going to off myself and write your name on my death note >:(
Nah just joking
.
On a serious note, glad you've made it back to us! I've been following your story from almost the beginning and am honestly glad I still remember.,. and I wait in earnest. Your story was one of the few gems I picked up at the beginning of my time in Fimfiction.net and had me so engaged, emotionally and physically... to say the least, every up and down in the story was an up and down for me as well
.
That being said, don't see these 'secrets' as anything horrible you have to reveal to clear your conscious or anything. Some people write like that, to imagine a character or a world better than their own, or a character that is everything they want to be but the writer may be unable to. Some write to entertain, and others to craft a beautiful universe for people to enjoy. Whatever the reason may be, it doesn't change how great of a potential the story has and how many people enjoy it! Sad to hear so much is taking your precious time (and on that note, damn your schedule sounds packed!! don't overwork yourself to death!
) but we're all still here for you, patiently awaiting the release of an awesome chapter for an awesome story! (This is one of my most favourites on this site, up there with Fallout: Equestria, Your Human and You and a couple others I forget the name of).
To be honest I don't usually buy into the whole cheery emotions and demeanour of this fandom (I can be pretty cold and a cunt allot of time - having 2000+ hours on Rust will do that to you
) but I feel for the record I can proudly state that I, and I'm sure allot of others are here ready to support and encourage your work, and to help you not lose sight of an awesome world you've crafted (with Blue Angels, at least)
So after that small essay... good to hear back from you! and hope to see more chapters in the near future
Keep the awesome work up V-Pony!
This year Blue Angel will pass the 5 year mark. That's a long time.
I don't think anyone could expect interests, motivations, relationships and obligations not to change for 5 years.
So, I'm honestly glad to see you still around. Still mentioning Blue Angel sometimes. Even after all the hectism that life is throwing your way, Even after finding more entertaining things to do.
There are many others that either already have -or would have- quit and left by now.
Many without saying a word.Oh well.
Welcome back's are in order. I'll be here hoping that you succeed in rekindling that flame for writing.
When you find some spare time and energy, that is.
And, maybe after first resting for a while during said spare time, because you're worth it.
"Love and tolerate," huh? It's a long time since I've heard that phrase. Damn. Kinda makes me feel old. And I'm pretty sure I'm younger than you. Then again, I can only call myself a fan of bronies. After all, the fandom itself is one of the only ones left to last so long with so much to offer, exceeding the show in pure content. Makes me guilty that I've hardly returned the favor. It doesn't help that MLP was a gateway to many other fandons I've ventured in.
People like Tatsurou is a God like that.
I suppose that's why I sympathize with you. Making anything to be proud of is hard, and Blue Angel is a beast to make. Hell, I'm still amazed I was able to read so much those years ago. Years ago, I can only dream of motivating myself to read beyond fifteen pages a day. Years later, I've binged on over 50 fanfiction stories, including ones beyond MLP, that are worth 200k+ words. Turned me into a fanfiction nut who SEEMS to be a hardcore book worm with superb vocabulary, and Blue Angel was one of the first to start it.
I never had the heart to correct my English teacher's assumption that I read actual books to earn my "A" in my entire class.
Truthfully, I procrastinated studying for every vocab test. The hell was I supposed to say anyways? Tell her that a bunch of weirdos from the internet who make parodies of existing works helped me understand what "perforate" meant? Speaking of which: Thank you Khat, creator of Fallout: Equestria, for indirectly aiding me in getting that "A". Guns and bullets be with you.
Same applies for your story Blue Angel. I was able to speak on level with some military enthusiasts for simply knowing a few flight maneuvers. They thought I knew more just like them. I felt guilty, feeling I'm bullshitting. For a very brief encounter, I never felt so awkward in my life. And I was one damn socially awkward kid.
The point is that, even though you've been relatively inactive for all these years, the changes to other people like me caused by your work still happened. It may be ancient history, but it's some damn good history, darker secrets be damned. What you do from here on out is up to you. Until then? I'll keep an eye out.
...Although, it's kinda weird that I suddenly remember we've only ever exchanged comments once.
Welcome back, I can totally sympathise with time management. Wouldn't it be great if we didn't need to sleep.
. No? Just me? Good luck anyways :)
Welcome back, V, we've missed you.
You'll always be accepted here, we are all bronies after all. 
We don't have spring! Just summer and not summer! 
Though what the hell are you talking about spring in Texas?
One and a half year of silence from the story "Blue Angels"
wow it has been a long time, good to have you back
Very glad to see that even with all the problems you've going/gone through, you're still planning to keep on writing. Kudos to you and hope to see more from you soon!
Also, time management is a bitch.
Yes yes yes yes
welcome back from the dead. I'm will have to re read blue Angels again I see.
What is the Wingblade Document?
4422993 Haha, much sooner than that, I believe!
4422997 Thank you for your supporting message /)
4423004
4423009 Glad ya'll are still supporting me
4423021
4423024 /)
4423174 *accepts hoofbump*
4423213 Wow...just wow.
this fandom. 
4423227 *hugs*
4423289 Hopefully I'll have a new chapter up before ya get to the end!
4423296
4423457 Thanks for your continued support and editing help, man /)
4423707 Your words have touched me deeply
I'm so glad I could inspire you to higher and greater things 
4424046 LOL, true. Kinda depends on how pissed off El Nino/La Nina are that particular year
4425296 I'll post up a big "summary blog" before the next chapter goes up so you don't have to slog through it again if you don't want to
4425444 A project I started with D48 almost 2 years ago.
It talks about the logistics and the realistic uses of Wingblades in Pegasus combat and culture.
It's pretty in-depth and crazy so far
Wait up people, lets make sure hes actually alive first, go get Biker Dash a stethoscope
Nah we never left man, we've been just waiting this entire time
4426027
Not gonna lie, I'm surprised that you could read that unintelligible mess. I may or may not have been highly inebriated when I wrote it... The sentiment stands though. :)
I am super stoked for the possibility of new blue Angel chapters. Life gets in the way and most of us understand that. Good luck and welcome back.
I'm so glad to see you back!!! Sounds like you have a pretty interesting life!!
Was this recently posted I honestly can't tell?
Missed You and hope to see you writing again :)
First off: awesome story, just spent the last 2 weeks binge reading it in my off time.
Second off: in a way, Im envious of your personal life. My family owns a small town hardware store, and we are NOT well off, not even close, and my last relationship was based almost entirely off lust and deception that left me with 2 kids, 50% custody, a MASSIVE amount of child support, 3 years of constant fights and arguements, and after that, 3 years of lonelyness while she swings from guy to guy.
This fandom, and stories like yours have kept me sane.
Ive written for other fandoms before, but like you, I have had very little time, motivation, or inspiration to write anything. Between kids, working 2 minimum wage jobs, trying to do things with friends when possible, and the 3 year battle and eventual loss of my father to cancer... motivation is a hard thing to come by.
Thanks for this story, and for taking the time to give us an update on your personal life.
P.S. I may be a California liberal, but Im more of a moderate, and I very much enjoy firarms myself.
4422993
well it looks as if this statement is going to hold true.
i have given up on any hope of even seeing a small up dates.
4653755
Don't count me out just yet, my friend :)
4655562
Consider yourself not counted out. I greatly appreciate you taking the time and the guts to share all this with us. Life sucks sometimes, but I'm glad you're making your way through regardless. And whether you update tomorrow or a year from now, I will gladly wait patiently for more of the excellent work that I have just binge-read over the past week. Best of luck to you and yours, and if I don't hear from you soon, a very happy holiday season.
Hey do you still plan on writing?
2018 and still have hope to see more
4858527
I've been heard at work. Keep an eye out in the next few days
4903258
Your patience will be paying off within the next few days