Review #53 - Spike's Script, The Broken Wing, The Mystery of the Disappearing Siblings · 9:49pm Feb 1st, 2017
So I looked at these, and the first two I am doing are so completely ancient, I can hardly believe it:
Spike's Script by John_Wheel
The Broken Wing by Cyanide
The Mystery of the Disappearing Siblings by Jay-The-Brony
Spike's Script by John_Wheel
(Comedy)
Spike has a great idea to manifest his love for Rarity: to write a story about a brave dragon and a distressed unicorn and have it performed. And he has the actors to play it. Will he be able to give life to his love through art or will everything explode in his face?
Review
Spike accidentally sends his play script to Celestia, who is naturally curious about it. After she inquires, Spike sends a very poorly written letter back saying it's old and not to worry about it. Spike, because of the lack of grammar in that letter, gets taken away to Canterlot.
The pacing on this one is actually pretty good, and I cannot think of many ways to make it much better. It has a couple errors within the text, and most of them are not very noticeable. It also seems planned out enough to be a story, but also a lot of filler as if it were written for a contest. The tag is the best for it, but doesn't quite fit.
Score: 7/10 Recommendation: Not Recommended/ Intermediate.
Personal Thoughts: Oddly enough, I liked this one.
The Broken Wing by Cyanide
(Comedy, Sad)
Rainbow Dash has yet another accident! How does this keep happening?
Review
Rainbow Dash crashes and has her wing amputated. All her friends freak out until Fluttershy gets a chance to tell them Pegasi wings grow back.
The pacing on this one is... frustrating... it starts off really slow, then has an abrupt, prologue style ending. It also has a couple of errors, but none that take you out of the story. But it does not seem all that planned out. The tags are alright, but this one seems like a slice of life fic more than anything else.
Score: 5/10 Recommendation: Not Recommended.
Personal Thoughts: There are so many odd things about this plot.
The Mystery of the Disappearing Siblings by Jay-The-Brony
(Comedy, Random, Slice of Life)
With the issues regarding Fluttershy's brother now done and dusted, a realisation soon comes to her friends. After all, this is not the only time that one of their number has suddenly brought up a sibling that some of them never knew existed.
Review
The Main 6 realize that they have never talked about their siblings before they just randomly came up with some problem. The writers of the show yell at one another.
The pacing is pretty good for this one, but if you think about it, this also could have been the promt for an adventure story as to why they never mention their siblings, (#BlameCadance). It does, however, have almost exactly 10 errors per 1000 words. It also seems mostly planned out, as the author had to look for insances where a sibling was left out. The tags work well though.
Score: 7.5/10 Recommendation: Intermediate/ Worth Reading.
Personal Thoughts: I never really cared that sibling in the show were never mentioned until they has some problem to fix before I read this story...
Okay, I've gotta say something: I just don't get this. Other than textual errors which mostly didn't bother you, what reason would you have to Not Recommend this, given that you liked it and "cannot think of many ways to make it much better"? And how does it have good pacing if it has a lot of filler? I understand that you may be trying to draw a line between a story's "objective" strengths and your subjective enjoyment, but the text of your review contradicts its low score, and even partially contradicts itself.
This is why most other reviewers — while they will structure their posts — don't keep such a rigid sentence-by-sentence review structure. The point of a review is to tell potential readers what they might like or dislike about a piece. Not every story will succeed in the same way, and not every story will fail in the same way, so it's most useful to focus on the parts which you feel made it succeed or fail for you.
With this review, I genuinely have no idea why you felt it failed. (Clearly it failed somehow, or you would have recommended it!) Instead of telling us that the tag is "the best for it, but doesn't quite fit", I would have loved to hear a sentence explaining why you aren't recommending a story you liked. And honestly, talking about whether a story feels planned out or not doesn't usually give me any useful information — if a story is a significant outlier (it feels meticulously planned and everything fits beautifully together; or if it badly wanders and has no point) then that's a great thing to mention to show how it's different from other similar stories, but if it's averagely planned, well, that's sort of my expectation going into anything that I read, so learning that it's average neither makes me want to read it or avoid it. The point of a review is to tell potential readers what they might like or dislike about a piece.
So let's back up a step here. What did you most like about this story? What did you most dislike? We may or may not agree on whether those things are good or bad — but if you tell me what they are, I can make up my own mind about them, instead of trying to pick slivers of meaning from the rigid structure of a self-contradictory review.
4406451
Alright, before we begin, I have two things to say:
-First, have you read the story? Because if not, you probably should if you wish to understand what the hell I am talking about.
-Second, I am an extremely analytical, and a mostly steady, unemotional person (there are these times, though). This is just the way my brain works, deal with it.
-Now then, I did not say the errors don't bother me, I said that they are, for the most part, rather unnoticeable.
-Pacing and being planned out are separate things; pacing is how fast a story moves in relation to the plot, while being planned out is how much the thought the author put into the plot, and how much of the text is actually useful to the plot itself.
-The tag this one has is the best possible for it on this site, but comedy, while the goal of this one, is not all of what it encompasses. Therefore, it does not quite fit.
-The score... probably should have been a 7... So, thanks? I'll just go and fix that.
The "Recommendation" looks at the actual story, which is why I included the "Personal Thoughts" so I could share what I thought of the story or parts of the story. Take Review #52 as an example, I said that I did not like how the author did Derpy, as such, I put it under "Personal Thoughts" because it has nothing to do with the actual review. This one got an NR because it is not that great of a fic, but that doesn't mean I can't like it for some reason unknown to me.
And, you know what, you might believe that reviews are to inform readers of what might be a good read, but I honestly just enjoy it. Furthermore, whenever I read something like TDs reviews, I truly don't care what he rates it, I read it anyway... I still read what he has to say about it, but I read it anyway because I enjoy reading and I want to make my own conclusions. So, I'm hoping that my readers don't just take my word for it and never look at that particular story. I want them to know what I saw, and then maybe look at what someone else thought if applicable, draw their own conclusions, and then decide. Or just do what I do, and read it anyway. (Best example of this differing opinions between reviewers is The Wrong Fork).
If you disagree with my methods, then just unfollow me and let me know to not review any of your works from now on.
On a completely unrelated note, congrats on that writeoff.
4406451
P.S. I'm sorry for the ranting wall of a text I wrote there, I've just had a lot of stress from school and this site, and other aspects of life... and it was unfair of me to take it out on you. Thank you for your thoughts, I will take them into consideration for the next while.