The support means the world to me, and thanks to your kind contributions I was able to go and visit my boy in Britain. I'll try and mock up a proper recap blog—though I am notoriously terrible at doing those, I don't think I've ever managed a proper recap blog for any of the various conventions I've gone to over the years. I guess there wasDrinking Tips With Regidar (New Weekly Segment) · 5:17pm Oct 9th, 2016
Now if you're like me, you love to just fucking saturate your body with anything that will alter your perception of reality because facing the truth of the world is far too painful and beyond your pathetic abilities as a mentally stunted, possibly inbred middle-class loser.
But again, if you're anything like me, you can't buy alcohol legally and the only other option is to go to ragers, and those are full of people. Drinking in groups is incredibly depressing, and I can't recommend it to anyone in good consciousness. Personally, I find that being completed isolated from pretty much everyone is the best way to get absolutely wasted, so I usually lock myself in the bathroom. A closet, large cabinet, or air duct also works.
Of course, there's the issue of the alcohol. If you're old enough to get some, what the fuck are you doing on a My Little Pony fanfic site? I mean, come on dude, it may have been funny for a little while during high school, but it's time to fucking grow up, mane. Get a job, start showering, and maybe your parents will stop feeling like they wasted two decades raising you.
Assuming you are underage, just pop down to your nearest hardware store and chances are they'll have 16 fluid ounce bottles of Isopropyl Alcohol just chilling out where anyone can grab them. Best thing is, they don't even check I.D.s! I thought this was just the case back home, because no one gives a fuck about anything in Hawaii, but when I moved to San Francisco a few weeks ago, I found out that the hardware stores here also sell alcohol to minors. I guess it might be some sort of universal hardware store code? Whatever, I'm not complaining; I've had a lot of fun nights thanks to them, and you will too!
But yeah, you can get a 16 floz bottle for like $2.50, it's fucking awesome. If you live in California (god bless), there's also no sales tax, so you'll be feeling pretty great when you pick up two or three dozen at a time. You can almost feel your bank account quivering in gratitude! Almost...
Once you've got your alcohol, head back to your place of residence, and lock yourself in your isolation chamber of choice. Keep in mind that once you're drunk, you'll want some good-time-supplies, since drunk people are easily amused, and it's no fun spending a drunken night in an uncomfortably small space with nothing to entertain you. I'd recommend the following three items:
1. Rope, to practice tying knots. Little known fakt™: alcohol improves your fine motor skills around knot tying; scientists still aren't sure why.
2. Razorblades, so you can shave any unsightly hairs that may have cropped up on your face, arms, top of the head, back of the legs, or on the underside of your gums. Little known fakt™: Alcohol stimulates the hair follicles and promotes hair growth, which is why men stricken by male pattern baldness tend to turn to drinking.
3. A gun, which you can use to end your own life should the depression become too intense.
Once you've ensconced yourself inside your hidey-hole with your alcohol and good-time-supplies, you're ready for a night of drinking. Have fun!
Honestly I'm at a loss as to why more people don't do this
You get fucking smashed, dog
Half the time I'm so drunk I can't even see
So that's pretty much it; join me next week as I detail to you the best way to combat a hangover!
It's just a prank bro
4248285 thanks friend, I hope you have many fun nights of drinking thanks to this blog
don't forget to watch me and donate ten billion dollars to my patreon so I can continue to put these blogs every week
Stuff like this reminds me that I genuinely like your writing.
I don't drink because my tolerance to alcohol is hilariously low.
4248349 I don't drink because alcohol tastes terrible and exacerbates my depression
10/10 Can vouch that this is indeed the CA way to get smashed.
Jesus, Regidar.
Come to Pacific PonyCon, yeah?
I've been fucking up all this time. Thanks Reggie baby, I learned how to tie a knot that makes suicide easy.