Fic recs, August 2nd: Soft Hands Contest edition! · 12:23am Aug 3rd, 2016
Judging for the Soft Hands Inaugural Fanfiction Writing Contest is still underway, but as I spent all day reading entries, I'm free to put up my reviews, as promised to all the entrants! (Except myself, of course.)
A few disclaimers:
-These ratings do not necessarily reflect final standings for the entries. They more or less line up with how I rated the Story portion of each entry's score, but that's only 1/6th of the total possible score. Scores will be released in the group once judging has finished!
-Entrants can go over to the Soft Hands group to see some formative, constructive criticism and/or rambling about each entry.
-There's lots of news first. :V
Scribbler has done a reading of a human's There Is No Luna, starring Thornquill, IMShadow007 and Jennabun!
Project Horizons has finished uploading! (I've got like two months before I pick the audiobook back up, and then I might just read the rest of the darn thing myself. I mean if Chris can do it…)
I've been tracking for a while a fic called Mamihlapinatapai because I love that word and wanted to write a story using it as a title. If you agree that's worthwhile, you can check out this (non-pony) story, by Rachael K. Jones. It's about language and culture and dinosaurs, and I thought it was fantastic.
Okay, on to the reviews. I had no idea what to expect out of this contest (other than lots of trollfics, of which there were surprisingly few; also surprisingly few clopfics), and I'm kind of genuinely pleased with the results. :) The numbers should reflect that. If you don't like soft hands, you may find something worth reading here anyway! (And note the 'contest' portion of the blog title, I might find a reason to do another edition in the future...)
H: 1 R: 6 C: 5 V: 0 N: 2
The Horrors of Inappropriate Amounts of Lotion by Ebola-chan Ganbatte
Genre: Dark Comedy
Twilight just wants her old dragon back rubs back.
Like my own story, this treats soft hands as a source of horror, but what it really does well is insert a completely dark situation into an otherwise light-hearted, goofy comedy, without breaking tone once. I was really amazed by that, and I laughed quite a lot. It won't appeal to everyone equally, and there's a reference to Twilight's Bathroom Is Flooded With Semen that, let's be honest, I can't not expect in this contest. This was a good way to start things off.
Recommended for Fans of Dark Humor
Manus Dei by Petrichord
Genre: Dark
After some slightly unethical business dealings, Jet Set is brought to confess his sins.
Two stories in, and we have an exemplar for "I have no idea what to expect from this contest". To wit, this story involves Jet Set — you remember him, right? — being captured and interrogated by a religious order devoted to Celestia. It's hinted she either doesn't know about or doesn't approve of them, which makes it even better. And while the way soft hands is used could have been literally anything, again I'm impressed by the writer's ability to derive horror from the presence of hands in Equestria. This is a really unique piece with some solid world-building, and I hope the author follows through on his threat to write more in the same setting.
Recommended
The Best of Tensions by BlazzingInferno
Genre: Romantic Comedy
After he incurs the wrath of half of Ponyville, Spike and Rarity end up in a closet together.
I guess there's a way you can write Sparity and not make me hate it: make it both hilarious and not real. Romance is used in this piece as a metaphor, and it's pretty darned funny. I mean, this is actually a humorous deconstruction of those "Spike's as badass and all the ladies want to do him" fics. (Apologies to ScarletWeather.) I can overlook the implication that Rarity is experiencing feelings for Spike because who knows how real anything that happens is. Point being, this was fun, and it does right a number of things that are generally done wrong.
Recommended
Give Me a Sign by -Haze-
Genre: HiE
A deaf human finds life in Equestria difficult.
This is a really fantastic use of the prompt, to say nothing of an excellent idea for an HiE. Unfortunately, the story itself is lacking. The writing is flat, our protagonist is presented as a Sympathy Sue, and — something I've never had reason to complain about before — deafness is really poorly represented. I appreciate using "Lyra loves humans" to give her a reason to understand sign language, but overall, everything about this is told, and it doesn't live up to its potential.
Not Recommended
Metal Gear Soft by AppleTank
Genre: Action/Crossover?
I really don't know how to place this one. Despite the title, it's inspired by a Deus Ex trailer, according to the description, and I don't know either series well enough to have figured out what was going on. Even stranger than all the infiltration technology being thrown around are the reveals for various characters' powers. Characters are frequently expository, and those explanations don't always make sense. It ends on a very poorly-executed and thoroughly trite joke. I just don't even.
Not Recommended
Handiwork by monokeras
Genre: Meta
Spike tries to get Twilight to write about humans for the Soft Hands contest.
So this story is special because it's the second one anywhere ever to involve my OC, even if it's just a mention. What the fuck. Meta as this is, the format of the contest in the story is actually more akin to the Writeoff, which I found amusing. There's some snarking at Equestria Girls. Spike designs a human and names it Majin. There's actually a decent joke based around an in-story image. It's that kind of fic. I'm not sure who would actually want to read it, but if you've been in this contest and/or the Writeoff, you'll at least get the central joke.
Recommended If You Like Inside Jokes
Handmade by Grand_Moff_Pony
Reading by Goombasa
Genre: Alternate POV
All I know is the warmth of touch.
This is a very interesting piece, like something you'd find in the fandom's early days. The story of something being created, from the creation's point of view, reminds me of those fics where ponies realize they're part of a story, paralleling the fans figuring out who and what they were. Yet this one takes a different tack; look at the cover art to see just what that something is. It's a tad melodramatic in places, but that's okay, and the ending is uplifting and heartwarming. Very nice, as alt POV fics go.
Recommended
Little Miss Canterlot by Everyday
Genre: EQG
With help from her friends and big sister, Sweetie Belle tries to win a pageant.
Literal pageantry isn't something I think I've ever seen written about in this fandom. It's a very natural fit in the EQG-verse, though, and most especially with Rarity and Sweetie. The story does feel a little thin in spots, mostly from setting up the scenario and then moving directly to the pageant without any preparation, as I had anticipated. But it does make for some really great sisterly bonding, and overall, I enjoyed it.
Recommended
The Hardest Hand by DeluxeMagnum69
Genre: Random Comedy
There's something unseemly about Derpy's new set of cards.
I know two things about this story. First, it's a last-minute entry, conceived of, to say nothing of written, hours before the contest deadline. Second, it wasn't Magnum's idea… And third, this is just fuckin' weird. The funniest part is actually the end, while the rest of it includes ideas that range from bizarre to mind-numbingly stupid. I'm not sure what I could have expected, otherwise.
Recommended for Laughs
They Come at Night by PegasusMesa
Genre: Horror
They're always watching, waiting, whispering…
Okay, so what's scarier than a big monster? Never seeing the monster. What's scarier than that? Being the monster. I've been really into horror fics lately, but jeezumafuck, this one's tops. The horror comes initially from what 'they' are (no points if you can guess that right now), but is quickly trumped by the horror that comes from our protagonist's reaction to them. And then the final scene brings everything together, and it's like what Bad Horse said about horror recently, which I can't remember where that was so I don't have a handy link to it. But yeah, fuck me, this was great.
Highly Recommended
Lyra's Quest for Pliable Paws by bloons3
Genre: Lyra Likes Hands
And she's going to get some by hook or by crook.
We've all seen it before: Lyra likes hands, she does something crazy to get some. I love the trope, so I don't mind it, but I'm not sure if this stands apart from other stories/comics/animations of the same description. That said, it does have some things to offer, like off-kilter narration at the start to show that all is not well with our unicorn protagonist, and a scene in the middle that's surprisingly darkly humorous. The best part might actually be one of the comments, but this was still an interesting read.
Recommended for Lyra Fans
Soft by Alaborn
Mature: Sex
Genre: Clop
Being Dragon Lord is hard. Sometimes, Ember just wants to enjoy something soft.
We begin the Mature-rated fics with some Spember clop. And it's decent, as clopfics go. Spike is believably aged up — a major plus — and a good amount of detail is used to establish the scene before getting into things. I mean, what can I say? It does what it sets out to do, the writing is proofread beyond complaint, it's just not really my thing. At least the author didn't overstay their welcome on the amount of sex.
Recommended If You Like Clopfics
Twilight's Bathroom Is Flooded With Soft Hands by Petrichord
Mature: Sex
Genre: Crackfic
And Twilight doesn't want to explain why.
Who didn't see this coming? Soft Hands was built out of the Semenverse, someone had to cross the streams at some point. Mercifully, that is not the main draw here: that would be the absolutely hysterical garbage this story is crafted out of. From Spike's euphemisms for pooping to… well, the fact that I could easily read most of his lines with a Scottish accent, he's out of character enough that I didn't care that he knew about sex-related things. There are numerous sentences that absolutely destroyed me. The solution to Twilight's problem is hysterical, I don't even care that it references a ship I hate. Highly Troll Recommended.
Recommended
DICKFIST by FuzzyFurvert
Mature: Sex
Genre: Crackfic
It only takes five dicks to make a DICKFIST!
How can I not love a story about canon LyraBon including a line like "The fudge ripple you say?" This thing is zany weirdness, and it will probably appeal most to those who never quite grew up, though there is actual sex near the end, so Mature filter at your discretion. Highly Troll Recommended
Recommended
PP, I want to have of the wordings with you but I am on a phone
Did you use soft hands to type this?
4128683
Yes, all words were typed with hands. I forgot to mention that.
Thanks for the review and feedback, PP! I'm glad you enjoyed the story. :)
And good luck to my fellow contestants! Lots of good stuff to go around here! :)
I rather enjoyed The Best of Tensions.
Thanks for the link to the Rachael K. Jones story; great stuff, especially since I learned of a new word.
As for the entries... Well, it led to story involving Derpy and card games that I didn't want to finish. So, you know, that's a form of achievement.
Oh nice, a lot of new fics to add to my Read Later list.
Also, I HOPE YOU LIKED THE THING I WROTED FOR YOU AND MAJIN TO HARM YOUR BALLEYES ON
Thanks for the recommendation. Great story based on an awesome premise!
Thanks for the review, bro. I'll have to try harder in the future.
4128921
FISTDICK
4128953
In my experience, contests do not always bring out the best in writers. No shame in trying and not making it, you obviously have good ideas. :)
I should've put a Comedy tag on this thing from the get-go.
Thanks for the review, PP. Scoring an R is pretty much where I hoped to land with this 4k oddball. I definitely need to check out some of these other entries
4128770
Thanks!
So should i get Professor Plum to do a reading of this?
I'm glad you liked it, boo.
#sorrynotsorry
4129072
Does he do readings? <.< If so, I need to find them!
4129137
I wish I could take credit for bringing you back to the fold, but I see you came back earlier this year. :C
4129436
I come when I am needed. And this contest needed some Ebola.