Please, ignore the last blog for the most part! Also, please comment! · 11:33pm Aug 30th, 2012
Please read and above all comment! I need feedback and input.
Scene 6 concludes the immediate conflict but I think that due to the unfair waiting time you guys had to endure, in addition to an open-ended chapter, I should write at least a small amount to set up for (Gasp! Finally!) Act Two. I've thought about putting a one-shot out there while working on W2FA1, but right now I'm putting too much brainpower in working this story out in my head.
I also had another pet project in mind that would come before writing one-shots - heavy revisions for the first two chapters, with a couple edits in the other four to compensate for any changed details. With the conclusion of Act One eventually happening and Act Two rearing its ugly beautiful face, I think newcomers deserve a better introduction to the drama laid before you. The plural you! I can say that at this point, with the 400+ favorites from those tracking my story. Man, I remember being ecstatic about having 100 fav's.
But back to the whole revisions thing. Against my better judgment, I submitted this story to EQD. A week later I received an email listing grammatical/syntax errors that were yet to be discovered by myself or the three other volunteers who combed over chapter one and two for me. In addition, the pre-reader went into detail regarding the ineffective delivery of what he admitted was a workable premise (I was about to use the word "good" but I'm doing my best to misquote the guy). It would be easier to c/p what was written but I feel like that would be rude to the pre-reader, so instead I will review what was found wrong with my entry:
1. spelling errors, typos, missing words, poor wording, tense shifting, repetitious sentences, Lavender Unicorn Syndrome
2. "lack of depth in characters" - Twilight is a robot, and Rainbow Dash's feelings are apparently forced for the sake of having a story
3. show versus tell issues, to cite one example, in expression of emotion
I'm keeping these in mind once I crack down. I'm not sold on submitting to EQD again; I think there are a *few* exceptions to some of his fault-findings. For example, I understand show versus tell. To put it bluntly, no one ever shuts up about it. I also understand the difference. However, a lot of my "tell" comes through the character who currently owns the perspective. If I just showed everything and did no telling whatsoever, there would literally be no point to me having a personal third-person POV. I'm using the POV's to give the readers an inside look to what each character mulls over. It is what I want to do for this story, and I will use "tell" when I feel I have to for the scene. My current editor and I always go over the best possible way to convey a new reaction or moment in what I am writing, so it is not like we are oblivious to how important showing emotion is.
The other disagreement I have is how Rainbow Dash's feelings appear forced to the pre-reader. I understand I just kind of jumped in and the characters already are leaning towards each other. My intent in the story was to gradually reveal why Twi and Dash like each other. There are some stories which build the feelings until the characters fully realize them, and there are stories in which you have to read on to find out why a character feels the way he or she does. He told me he read the rest (rather he used the words "looked over") but I don't think he caught that part of the plot involves a slow revealing of *possible* history between the two characters. *GASP FOR AIR AFTER RANT* Regardless, I want to re-address Rainbow Dash's stance on her feelings earlier on in a manner that's more in line with what happens in the later chapters. I actually have a neat revision idea to make everything fall into place for this, but I'm going to heavily consider it first before jumping in.
As for Twilight being a robot - I am going to put my best effort into fixing this.
I just realized I responded to the three-point list in reverse! Anyhoo, the list of technical issues involving mostly my inexperience with writing and I will need to find some extra-extra help in fighting this demon. I also need to combat Lavender Unicorn Syndrome, (which I don't think comes up really after chapter three) because I understand it is bad but apparently referring to a pony character as anything other than their name or a pronoun is immediately labeled as LUS. In spite of my feelings for the inconsistency of what it means to be LUS, (i.e. I refer to Spike as Twilight's assistant and it gets called out as a LUS issue), I don't want it in my story.
All of this basically means I want my story to be the best it can be for the readers. I don't really want to fix it EQD. At this point I wouldn't re-submit unless at least 100 people forced me to, and even then I would hesitate somewhat.
So this is where I need as much feedback as possible. Is there anyone reading this who would actually be AGAINST any revisions which would alter some details in the other published chapters? I'm not talking about something different like "suddenly the whole showdown took place in Cloudsdale" or something else equally ridiculous. I'm talking a subtle change but with big ripple effects, whose difference would actually prompt a re-read or at the very least a re-skim. I don't want to be as drastic in change as Past Sins was.
Just post a comment on here and let me know what you think. Pretty please. It can be any feedback from "you suck" to "edit the first chapters but don't make story changes" or even "retcons are okay!" I'm all ears. Besides, hearing lots of feedback will motivate me to write more, so it benefits the plural you in the end.
you want feedback, your icon is amazing and you need to write faster. Otherwise, you're an awesome person
Plus Tl;dr loljk
After reading this, if EQD doesn't want your story, their loss. EQD isn't the be all, end all for stories. Also, they are such grammar nazis that one error anywhere and its rejected, so I've heard. Also, I am absolutely horrid at show vs tell. I can't tell when your showing or telling, I'm immersed in the universe, in RD's/Twi's mind, and nothing, bar incomprehensible english will break that.
324324 ok, noted. Your thoughts on the other bits?
Other stuff? Your icon makes me want to hug my computer.
I must be like, the one person who's "watching" you because you're a sane fellow and not because of your stories... 'cause I ain't ever heard of that until just now.
Romances aren't usually my thing. However, you seem like a sane down-to-earth guy who's trying to do right by his readers. I'll have to check it out. Eventually. I've got like 700 read-laters...
(Hindsight 20/20: ...Why am I posting this?
)
324338 eh
thanks for the luv! However, what were your thoughts on my plan to revise the beginning of the story? (Implying possible changes to a couple later chapters)
324342 that's really cool considering you haven't even looked at my story!
324357
If you feel that the beginning needs a little revision, then it most certainly needs a little revision.
I know, I know, this blog is already three months old, and you've probably gotten over this problem. But I felt I should link to you a great article I read on when to show, and when to tell. And how telling can actually be good.
http://kidlit.com/2010/06/23/when-to-tell-instead-of-show/
Also, when is your story going to update? I know, I shouldn't be talking, mine hasn't been updated in three months. I am curious, though.