- Member Since 26th Mar, 2012
- offline last seen March 27th
P0nies
Just here to read, and write, some FanFic. I really enjoy this stuff, so if you ever need an editor I can look it over for you, just hit me up!
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No comments? Well.
Time to say
for P0nies writing again!
I feel like there's a word missing in the first paragraph. If you'd check that please.
There's also an every that should be ever in the 'letter' part.
(I'm willing to give the 'letter' part a lot more slack because it's the 'letter' part)
"words" in the first paragraph right after the letter part should probably be "word".
In the third paragraph after, "sky" is a name and should be capitalized.
So much for the main grammar nazi part. Dissecting the story now.
Not bad, mainly told through letter-form extended flashback. I'm confused over who she's writing too, though -- at the top, it's addressed to Sky, but it's written as if she's writing to the princess. Is this deliberate, or an oversight?
I'm confused about Sky, but I'm going to give you all the slack you like here. I just dropped by unexpectedly for the one. I tend to think in verses, rather than stories; and to assume everyone else does too; so if I had read more of your stuff I might choose to be pickier about it.
Is this before or after Twialicorn? This is important to my mental image of Sky. Clearly he has wings, but with Twi apparently writing to him as if she's been his student as well as other things I'm tempted to think of him as an alicorn, which leads me to assume Twi is one too.