State of the Lemur - 06/26/2015 · 3:06am Jun 27th, 2015
If any of you have been paying attention to the news lately, I'm certain you've caught wind of a huge, huge development.
Yup. That's right.
It turns out Pluto's moon Charon might have a "dark pole," suggesting it has a vastly differing terrain.
We'll know more, of course, once New Horizons passes by the actual dwarf planet and its many moons around July 14th of this year. It's rather humbling to know that there are things within our solar neighborhood that--all our natural born lives--have remained mysteries, and I'm certain there will still be many questions left unanswered after this expedition is said and done. Still, this is one of the few things in the history of human civilization that makes me maintain an air of optimism. Maybe in the next lifetime or the one after that we'll send a probe to Sedna?
F'naaaa.
Moving right along...
About a week ago, BrianJ asked for my assistance in reading/editing a oneshot he was working on. Whelp, I had a day off and was bored out of my skull (as I usually am), so I agreed to lend a tentacle. Brian did lots to help me out with editing Background Pony back in the day. Besides, he's a smexy dude who lurves wrasslin'... so what's not to dig?
I was pleasantly surprised to find a very nice, heartfelt, relateable story waiting for me. I know I don't read much, so I guess you could say that my bar's set pretty low. But I like to think I know a thing or two about written word vomit, and Brian's technicolor yawn was thematically, emotionally, and equinistically delicious. Thus it left me rather flabbergasted that the story didn't get featured when it went up on Fimfic for marsupials to feast on.
So... uh... I guess this is the first State of the Lemur Fic Review™. Ahem.
Suffice it to say, I don't know a dayum thing about Dr. Who. I expect that most marsupials who subscribe to me don't know about Dr. Who either, cuz on the Internet as well as in real life I possess a venomous aura that just repels organic things in possession of ovaries.
Be glad, then, that reading BrianJ's "Just Stories" does not require a cursory knowledge of Time-Warping Britons With... 3D Glasses... or whatfuck. All that's needed to be known is that everybody's favorite brown-maned horsie horse was a former bipedal timelord in another life. Honestly, though, the oneshot's exposition takes care of all that shiznet, so what am I even rambling on about here? Moving right along.
The fic uses a first-person present tense narrative that I've sorely missed. It kinda feels like, in most shiet that I write (and the occasional burpage that I read), first person has become something of a dying art. After all, being in the character's head is grounds for marinating in purple sewage, and knowing all of the protagonist's interior motivations is just asking to deflate the thematic tension like Hugh Hefner's scrotum on a cold morning.
Thankfully, BrianJ's cranial spelunking through the Doctor's head only provides us with the tip of the iceberg. His past is only residually explored; all that's important is the present, his current circumstances, and his adorably awkward attempts at fitting in with his fresh new pony neighbors (ha! Get it? neighbors... f'naa). What's more, the story doesn't trounce down predictably squeaky tropes, laced with horse hijinks. This is simply a character sketch broadcasted from the inside out. And if there's anything a human being can relate to, it's the gnawing sense that one's personality sticks out like a sore thumb and they must jump through burning hoops in order to "fit in." It's very easy to get attached to Brian's Dr. Hooves, and then he yanks us about in an emotional zig-zag as the character commits one brazen mistake after another, spurred on by confusion and frustration.
What I think I like the best about Just Stories is that the ultimate goal of the fic is to provide us a character sketch while giving a central protagonist a very believable exercise in personality growth... and yet the story goes out of its way to sorta... recreate a common pairing that reappears often in brony fanon, only this time it's presented respectably, realistically, and--most of all--charmingly. If you're wandering exactly what kind of a pairing I'm talking about, go and check out the fic for yourself.
I recommend TheBrianJ's Just Stories for anyone who wants what is essentially a heartfelt and relateable "Dr. Hooves Begins" oneshot.
Four and a Half Cinderellas out of Five: 
There ya go, ya tablet-huffing melon fucks. The very first episode of Skirts' Clueless Reader series.
Perfection: It's been known to happen
Ladies and gentlecolts, we have the lemon.
But, honestly, though... while everyone else is complaining up the wazoo, I find myself... hardly caring. Echoing the sentiments of Kate Winslet in Revolutionary Road, it's hard for me to care much about a character that I don't have any love for anymore, assuming I had any love for him to begin with. You see, for every baby dragon fan in bronyhood, the day "Princess Spike" graced the Interwebs was the most agonizing day of their lives. But for me, it was Tuesday.
Okay... so maybe it was a Saturday... hey! Buck up ya little turd biscuit!
I say this, of course, because I've never had much luck writing Spike fics... much less attempting them. Whenever I seriously tackled him, I either turned the dude into a bastard child of gross prose or just... train wrecked myself altogether.
I suppose I could get on a soap box and blame the canon show writers for constantly trashing Spike and never giving him a moment to shine... blah blah blah... only that's categorically untrue. Moments like "Secret of My Excess" and "Dragon Quest" are not just spectacular moments of Spike character development... they're among the absolute best moments in all of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic... period. Spike's relationship with Twilight is still the most awe-inspiring thing in the whole dayum show. It started as the series' anchor and it's blossomed throughout the course of the narrative. In addition to that, the whole Spike/Rarity dynamic has presented us with numerous giggle-worthy moments, and it's grounds for good fanfictional material. Though I may not be a big fan of Sparity shipping, I must stay it still remains as the closest to canon out of all the various categories out there.
I gotta respect the writers for one huge thing: Spike is superb for both physical and situational comedy. I like to think of him as sort of a cross between Buster Keaton and Lou Costello. He's a awkward, tumbling try-hard, and everything he ever does or sets his hands to ends up blowing up in his face. Who's alive and reading this who can't in some way relate to a character like that?
The problem is, in an ongoing series that at least pretends to have some sort of logical continuity, a character who's consistently anchored down in his own kerflufflings is decidedly immersion-breaking. This, of course, is assuming that the viewers expect a positive learning curve from the character in question. Unfortunately, the target audience--namely young ass little kids--aren't necessarily guaranteed to respect the continuity of a goofy cartoon show centered around pastel colored mares and their pudgy draconian lessers. While that may sound like a total insult to the intelligence of modern day children, I greatly suspect that the marketers/producers of FiM have pigeon-holed Spike into being an eternal metaphor for immature youth, and thus his character is forever doomed to act as the mechanical device for expressing a habitual childhood lesson. Thus, while the likes of Rainbow Dash, Twilight Sparkle, and Fluttershy constantly move towards a higher plane of awareness, Spike is stuck in a sort of crazy meta limbo where he "golly gee willickers" his way from one PSA plotline to another with no hope of escape. And, like, who's gonna give two pre-pubescent girly shiets? He's not one of the main woman horses; you can't dress up an icky boy side character with skirts and sunhats, now can you? So, have at it, story writers, and let slip the dogs of moral-hammering war. F'naaaaa. Amirite?
Rather than focus forever on the nature of Spike, I think it's more pertinent to take issue with the episode as a whole. And this is where I can tell myself that I hate the essence of something like "Mysterious Mare-Do-Well" from Season 2 beyond my flagrant butthurtery for how badly Rainbow Dash's character was butchered... and it's all about idiotic, lazy story mechanics. For example, in M.M.D.W., Ponyville turns into a Final Destination movie and the rest of the Mane 6 conspire viciously to shame Rainbow Dash in open public. And why do these grossly hyperbolic things happen? Simply to hammer a square shaped moral into a round-shaped hole.
In Princess Spike, Cadance tells Spike to guard the ever-living-hell out of Twilight Sparkle while she sleeps.
And... ... ... that's it. She doesn't prep the friggin' baby dragon for runaway delegates who are very desperately needing the managerial help of a Princess right then and there in Canterlot. Hell... just what are the other three Princesses up to anyways? If you introduce such important authoritative characters, then you introduce the very plot-mechanic-breaking device that undermines the entire story. If there was no Cadance to force feed us some vomitous platitudes about Spike's behavior, then maybe it'd be easier for us to suspend our disbelief. We could ignore the fact that there are no royal guards, no barricades to Twilight Sparkle's... uhm... sleeping tower... no foils whatsoever except for the one foil that matters: Spike, our protagonist. Instead, we have Cadance coming across as a short-sighted, insensitive jerk while every friggin' mechanic known to hoofkind collapses in on Twilight's apprentice. And what for? To create the situation within which he decides to exercise his own monarchical authority.
And this is what I call "writing for convenience." It's a very simple yet very lazy way of getting the plot done. How do I know this? Cuz I'm a lame-ass scuzzball who does it all the time, especially in Austraeoh and Appledashery. Nmiaowwwww...
Still, as always, I found moments worth smiling throughout this episode. I digged all of the background ponies, especially Miss Fargo and the Fresh Prince. Also, this episode has the honorable distinction of giving me the absolute biggest laugh of Season 5 so far. And I'm specifically referring to when--at the end of a disastrous act--Spike defeatedly utters: "Bless me." Only after a full minute of wheezing and chortling did I finally understand that he said it because he sneezed, which is a delightfully beautiful double meaning. Rather, I immediately interpreted his response to his situation as a blatantly TV-Y7 version of "F*** Me," as if Spike is looking beyond the fourth dimensional constraints of his situation and summing up the legacy of his character as a whole.
And, in many respects, that makes the last Tuesday Saturday completely worth it.
Nietzsche dammit... I need to go back there soon ;_;
-SS&E
Oh and also like, gay marriage or something. Unfortunately for you, I still don't think you can marry cartoon princesses yet.
Huh... praise for Dragon Quest?
That's something you don't see every day.
D'awwwww, you didn't have to do that, man! You looking at the story was enough. Thanks, lemur-esque friend.
And yeah, Princess Spike did nothing for me. I wouldn't call it bad, it was just very... there. It was an episode that was there, and then it stopped being there. It left no impression.
(Actually pretty interesting, but): Oh, you.
As for "Princess Spike", I have mixed feelings. The episode certainly has its flaws, as you and numerous others have pointed out, but for me, at least, there were enough nuggets of entertainment that I can't bring myself to be too harsh with it. My philosophy has always been that enjoyment is the Big Thing. I would rather watch/read/whatever something flawed but fun than a masterfully crafted thing that bores me to tears. That's why I spend my time reading pony fanfiction, and not, say, Hemingway. I dunno. Maybe I just have bad taste.
As for Spike, you're probably right about his prospects. You're also right that his relationship with Twilight is one of the best parts of the show... which makes it ironic that most Spike episodes that work aren't primarily about his relationship with her. To use the two episodes you named: "Secret of My Excess" was about the greedy side of his draconic nature, juxtaposed with the more generous side narratively complimenting his feelings for Rarity; and "Dragon Quest" was about him getting in touch with his roots, only to find that his roots had been with him all along. Twilight was there in both episodes, but it wasn't really about her. When he isn't in her shadow, he has a little more room the breathe as a character.
Also, "Just Stories" was pretty damn nifty, indeed. If people haven't read it yet, they should.
I just hope they point the camera in the proper direction. They have to hit a really small area and they can't update things well. It is very possible that instead of getting pictures of Pluto, we could get pictures of empty space. This would be tragic.
Wat.
I'm neutral towards Princess Spike. They gave me almost nothing to be positive or negative about. I literally have no opinion. They took a bunch of Spike stories we've seen before: being greedy, worrying about his role, and generally getting in over his head, and stapled them all together without going all the way with any of them.
I think it's interesting you really like Dragon Quest. Be neat if you someday did a big season 2 post the way you did with season 1. That's another episode I'm pretty much neutral towards. It's the only episode I pretty much completely forgot about after watching it. I love Secret of My Excess though. The ending is sooooo sweet.
I like Spike and Rarity interaction in general.
I added Just Stories to my read later. I think it might've had more luck of a feature with a more Doctor Whooves-ish title and picture.
3185723
I felt the same way. I've never had an episode leave less of an impression on me.
Princess Spike gave me a sad.
I'll just leave it at that.
Let's just hope the next episode of horsie horse time is better. Lookin' straight at you, Larson.
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Oh, yeah. Also something about Lyra and Bonbon being able to legally be super duper best friends now.
Huh. Hadn't heard about Charon's heterogeneous terrain. Cool beans.
Yeah, the lazy writing was frustrating with "Princess Spike." Not a promising showing from the new guy. The worst part is how Spike is entirely competent outside of his focus episodes. But, if the character isn't marketable, he doesn't get development. Sigh.
On the one hand it's unfortunate they (presumably) don't have the delta-v for orbital insertion so we could watch Pluto & Charon change as they move further from the sun; on the other hand, if they did that they'd be giving up the once-in-decades opportunity for further KBO encounters.
I'm really kinda... almost depressed, after the "Princess Spike" episode. The writers just do NOT know how to deal with him. They need to give him something *special*. Expand on Dragon Quest, give him a pure Spike and Twi episode, none of the other girls... SOMETHING!