Why You Should Read "The Moon's Apprentice" (if you haven't already...) - - - Middle Shelf #1 · 6:56pm May 3rd, 2015
"Twi, you had me at secret agent. Then you added fame and glory and space. I think you can count me in."
You ever get to the end of a really good fic and then try picking up another one that doesn't immediately grab you the same way? Sucks, n'est-ce pas? Even worse when you find out it's still incomplete and you have to wait another month or six for an update.
This happened to me just now with The Moon's Apprentice by Forthwith. It's been sitting at the bottom of my Read Later pile for months and months, and I kind of put it off because I wasn't impressed at all by the cover art (learn from this, budding writers; cover art is important!), but boy was it worth my time, even if it's still not finished. At least the author's still actively working on it, unlike some other fics I won't mention (*cough, cough,*).
But Moon's Apprentice left me on such an AU Adventure high that I couldn't sit through the first chapter of the next two fics I tried. Too boring. Now I'll probably never know if they were actually boring or if I was just too snobby to give them a chance (actually, I'm pretty sure I would've put Twilight the Gamer down anyway; it's not very good).
Anyway, to try to help me to move on to other good things, I'm going to express all my thoughts to hopefully get them out of my head. They're rowdy and ruining my alphabetizing. So I'm going to start something I've kinda been meaning to do for a while, in one form or another:
(if you haven't already...)
Wherein I say whatever comes to mind about the stories that are exceptional enough to make it to my Top Shelf, while they're still fresh in my mind. Mostly. I've done similar things as comments on the stories themselves, but it's time I organized myself a little. I might hunt down those comments and combine them into a blog post at some point as well. Someday I want to do these as videos, but right now I just don't have the resources. So blog posts it is.
So on to The Moon's Apprentice.
Like I said before, I judged this one by its cover at first. There's nothing actually wrong with the art, but Nightmare Moon does look pretty derpy from a lot of angles, and there isn't really anything about the whole image to give you any clue about what to expect, beyond the most basic summary of the premise.
In the same way, the premise is also pretty easy to pass over. Alternate universe where Twilight is taught by Luna/NM instead of Celestia. We've seen it dozens of times before in different ways. I do usually like these stories, so I gave it a shot.
I was pleasantly surprised, at first. This story was originally just a one-shot that gave you the background and the premise and left the rest up to imagination. That survives as the prelude of the fic as it currently stands, and I gotta say, it makes for a great way to start a story. It was meant to stand on its own, so it's more than interesting enough to hook you into reading the rest, though I could see why so many people asked Forthwith to write out the rest of the story. So much potential, and he doesn't disappoint. Maybe more authors should start their stories like this... hmm...
Anyway, the gist of this iteration of the basic Twilight-centered AU story is that Celestia - for some reason - decided she didn't have enough time to teach Twilight to control her raw power before Luna was due to return, so she just slapped a suppressor on her horn and left her under the sparce supervision of Cadence instead. Naturally, Twilight was understandably upset by this, and when Nightmare Moon - introducing herself as Luna - shows up in her and her parents' dreams offering tutelage, they jump at the chance.
I've seen a lot of depictions of Luna as Nightmare Moon, as I'm sure all of you have, and they're as varied as the genres they're written into, or more so. I don't remember them all perfectly, but I think this one probably has my vote as the best so far. She's not as monochromatically evil as she seems in the show, but you can tell that that cackling villain is definitely in there beneath the surface, even though she doesn't show it around her faithful student.
It's fascinating to watch as Luna - sounding perfectly reasonable the whole time - teaches Twilight to see Celestia as a cold, mostly uncaring manipulator. Something that's brought up multiple times is that "she's not a bad ruler, but that doesn't mean she's a good pony." And virtually all the evidence Twilight comes across reinforces this view, and it's really fun to watch her be so terrified of the princess, when our knowledge of Celestia's personality (unless it turns out to be different than what we know) tells us there's really no danger. Still, there was only one time I had to disagree with Twilight about Celestia's intentions, though I really had to think and I'm still not entirely sure where Forthwith will go with it: Twilight finds out that Celestia plans to "purify" Luna with the Elements instead of just banishing her again, and Twilight takes that to mean erasing most of Luna's memories and personality, turning her into a drooling puppet and effectively killing her. She reports her findings to Luna first as "She wants to kill you!" and then explaining what that means. Then we get to see the cackling villain thing at its finest.
Luna's Twilight is much more reasonable and in control of herself than Celestia's Twilight, but you can still see the same sorts of character quirks and flaws come out in completely different ways. It's really quite fascinating, actually. Instead of compulsively making lists and getting anxiety attacks about failure, she overlooks meanings and messages occasionally for combing the details and gets these sorts of paranoid delusions that could totally turn out to be true, as far as we or Luna know. Luna shares them (being Nightmare Moon), and reinforces them in Twilight at the same time she teaches her to overcome her OCD. Ah, subtle irony.
My favorite part of the story has got to be the magic. I love it when authors aren't afraid to set their own rules for magic. It's one of the biggest reasons I love The Immortal Game so much. There's so much potential when writing about Twilight and her study of unicorn magic, or about all the secret history and lore that mostly goes unmentioned in the canon, and getting immersed in different authors' interpretations of these potentials is probably my favorite pastime in this fandom.
I was one of those weirdos who loved the fourth Eragon book, Inheritance, just because of all the stuff they did with magic that is usually reserved for science fiction. The Moon's Apprentice does the same thing (without getting into too many spoilers), and it has engaging, unpredictable writing and storytelling to boot! Twilight's growth over the 10+ years this story has covered of her life so far, in magic and in personality, is phenomenally well-written. The little filly who went into an impossible entrance exam sweating out her ears was not the same filly who later built a secret study and practice space in the tunnels under Canterlot, and that filly was not the same one who later visited the moon in a magic-powered spaceship she built herself. I had to stop every once in a while to look back and realize the world of this story had grown and changed, smoothly and completely, since a few chapters ago. Not every writer can do that. I haven't even attempted it yet.
So far, not a lot of lore has been revealed, but what has is so far making for one of the most interesting Equestrias I've read about. Cadence in particular is finally given a satisfactory backstory, which is tied into the main conflict and quest of the story seamlessly. This might be the first version of the MLP:FiM story, canon or otherwise, where Cadence doesn't feel shoehorned at all. She's necessary to TMA, and for that more than anything else, I'm grateful to Forthwith for writing this story.
I'm also insanely impressed at the research and thought he's put into it. His Twilight can talk expertly about statistics, navigation, psychology, astronomical physics, geometry, three or four separate and distinct branches of unicorn magic, mechanics and unseen applications of pegasus magic, and of course, politics. I don't know how he did it. The guy rethought the way the universe worked, fundamentally. Most authors, if they care enough to explain why Equestria is the way it is, with the seasons and the sun and stuff, just build on our own universe and add some stuff. Not Forthwith. His universe is a parabaloid with measurable boundaries (where the universe just ends), an entire unseen half, one sun and one planet and one moon, and non-euclidean physics the further you get from the edge. From the moon, space warps so that you can see all of Equus's surface at once, not just the side facing you. At night, the moon leaves the observable side of the universe and enters Luna's "sketchbook" of unfinished heavenly bodies. At the focus of the parabaloid, all light in the universe is channeled through one spot, which ponies thought for centuries was the North (actually South on Equus, apparently) Star.
Seriously, how impressive is that? I can't wait to read more.
So yeah. Overall, one of the best stories I've read in a while, fanfic or not. Of course, I always have my little criticisms, but who doesn't?
The whole thing is unedited, and you can tell. Forthwith has a prereader for the story who I assume must be pretty good, but no one appears to be combing through for mistakes. Not really a big deal, and not nearly enough to make me lose interest (which has been known to happen), but it still got pretty annoying by the end.
One thing that bothered me consistently and increasingly is the phrase "come with". A big part of the story is setting up an expedition, so invitations to "come with" come up a lot. What bothers me is it's invariably just "come with." "Do you want to come with?" "If she's coming with." "I didn't know they were coming with." Never a "you," or an "us," the pronoun of the adverb phrase is always missing, and it got really annoying after a while. I realize it's a thing people say, but never exclusively. I don't know anyone who says it unironically, but Forthwith seems to think it's a correct way to phrase it. I'm not usually a grammar nazi, but on this one I have to be. Quit it!
Alternate Universe stories fall into one of two categories: "something happened differently" or "something is fundamentally different". This one doesn't want to fit comfortably into either. There are three major root differences I've found so far in TMA, but they don't seem to be related at all. It's like a triply-alternate universe. I can't think of way how the reason Luna can still visit dreams while banished could be related to the reason Celestia didn't have time to teach Twilight in the same time frame as the show, or what any of it has to do with the third one, which you don't find out until the most recent chapter. I suppose it might all turn out to be because of Luna's dreamwalking, but I don't see the evidence for it in what's been published so far. Can you really summarize this story as "what would or might have happened if Nightmare Moon could visit ponies' dreams during her banishment"? I don't think I could, at least not comfortably. As it stands, this is an AU built on three premises, not one. It's not necessarily bad, but it is weird.
All in all, The Moon's Apprentice is much better than its cover art and its description make it out to be. It's wonderfully complex, expanding beyond the show while still remaining impressively faithful to it. The success it's gotten since its first publication (post-Equestria Girls, if you can believe it) is a testament to its quality. I can't find anything to seriously complain about in the plot or the characters or the amazing setting, but it could stand some gentle editing. It's good enough I'm giving Forthwith a follow and adding some of his other work to my list, which is something I almost always save for Top Shelf authors. I debated whether or not actually put it on the Top Shelf, but then I realized I like it just as much (probably) as The Immortal Game, and actually even more than Night's Favored Child, which is a similar story. Check it out for yourself, or wait for it to be finished, but remember it and tell your friends.
So, that was my first official recommendation blog. I hoped you like it. I'm always pretty positive about the stories I find worth talking about. Let me know if you've read The Moon's Apprentice yourself and what you thought of it. Then let me know what you want me to do next. I would love an excuse to revisit some of my other favorite stories, or to find new ones you think are worthy of a spot on my shelves. If you have a favorite story you think I'll love, post a link in the comments or in a PM and I'll bump it up in my queue.
We're still waiting for my erstwhile editor to return from her/his trip to Equestria (can't think where else they may be), so no Minoan Crisis updates for a while. Gives me time to rethink things and work on the chapter after next. I guess at some point I should find someone else. Hmm.
No clue when I'll do another one of these, but I think I will track down my comments on the other ones and blog them so they're easy to find.
Thanks for your attention, and if you haven't yet, dust off your keyboard and share your own stories with us!
Stay curious, true believers.
Ehh, came across this while trawling, so I thought I'd clear a point up. The bit you got stuck on Twi thinking Celestia wanted to turn luna into a drooling wreck is a misinterpretation. The 'kill you' is in the terms of philisophical death, the death of what it means to be you. In this hypothetical, the person being attacked is forced into a meek, submissive persona, tearing away so much of the evolution that they have done as a person. Considering the relation between victim and agressor, thats pretty brutal.
3580805 Right, but as far as we've seen so far, the Celestia of this fic is no different than the one from the show, aside from not taking in Twilight. So as far as we know, Celestia is still only planning to restore NM to Luna, just like Twilight and her friends end up doing in the show. The Twilight of this fic jumps to the conclusion that Celestia wants to mess Luna up mentally because that's what she expects from her. And Luna's only account of this plan is from Twilight, and Twilight doesn't understand the truth of the situation.
3581011
Ah, but the thing is, Celestia restoring NM to Luna is simply Celestia killing off the parts of Luna she doesnt like. Remember, Luna wasnt possessed by some nonsense spirit or by darkness in this version, she became NM because of loneliness and depression, things which Celestia, being her sister, should have noticed.
That experience is, for better or worse, part of what makes Luna who she is, a key experience in her personality. Celestia doesnt like that, so she's just going to mindwipe her fuckup from Luna's head, probably damaging her psyche far beyond simply erasing 1000+ years of development.
3581359 Perhaps, but there are still two problems with that take on it:
One is that there's no actual evidence in the show that NM was ever a result of possession of any kind. In the comics there is, but the show could really go either way. All the terminology used about it could either refer to an actual darkness being an outside influence, or her just being in a place of darkness with her depression and resentment. Personally, I've always believed the latter explanation, because to me at least, that's what the show is trying to say.
I don't think this Luna is possessed by anything, but I also don't think she ever was in the show. At the same time, I don't think it's true in either case to say that Nightmare Moon is entirely in her right mind, and restoring her to her previous personality is wrong. Twilight can't see that here because NM raised her in the belief that there was nothing wrong with her, or that the problem was less than it really is. This Celestia isn't any more evil than she is in the show, but this Twilight thinks she is because she's so enamored with the Luna NM has presented her with. I also don't think this NM is any different than the one in the show, only that she's had Twilight as an influence for all these years while in the show she had no one.
So really, what you're describing is what they did in the show, and no one objected there. Some fics have an explanation that I like, that Alicorns, being immortal, are just prone to this sort of all-consuming madness, so that NM could be considered a different person but not be the influence of some separate entity, and restoring her to Luna is still considered the moral thing to do. Especially compared to the alternatives.
If a cure was discovered for autism, or sociopathy, or PTSD (disparate examples, I know), would we say it was immoral to apply them on the grounds that it would be a change to their personality? Well, actually, for some of those we probably would. But still.
I firmly believe that Celestia's plan in this fic is no different than her plan in the show, or the results of that plan, so saying Luna would end up braindead or a hollow imitation of her former self is only accurate in the fic if it is also true of the show. And that leads into the second point:
Remember that Twilight's belief is that Celestia intends to take more drastic measures with Luna than what we saw in the show. What we've been debating here is really whether or not Twilight is right about that or she's misinterpreting what she heard through the lens of her flawed perspective, not so much what her perception would actually entail. If she were right and Celestia's plan were to rewrite Luna at the cost of Luna's true personality, I agree that would be horrible. But I don't believe Celestia is that horrible, and I don't believe Luna is in her true personality anyway, though she is still a real person. She may not have an outside influence to get rid of, but like I said, I never thought she did before so I don't see that as a difference. All the same, she is not right in the head and the only difference is that this one is in denial about that. She can't hide her instabilities from Twilight, but she can downplay them so she only sees her as a victim.
Plus, Twilight seeing the evil in Celestia that she's looking for and blowing her plan out of proportion as a result of her adoration for Luna matches all these characters in this fic perfectly. I would be incredibly surprised if that wasn't the author's intent. The whole thing is a tragic misunderstanding, and that's part of why I love this fic so much. No true villains, no pure-hearted heroes. Just a small alteration to the timeline, and new character landscapes have been revealed from the original black-and-white story.
So what about you? Do you really believe everything Luna says about Celestia, or do you take her version of things with a grain of salt? Do you think Twilight truly understands the whole situation from both sides, or is her bias affecting her judgment?
3582017
Not saying braindead or hollow. Neither does the fic. She is forcing her ideal of right-minded via magical artifact. There are other ways to go about it, such as, hypothetically talking to her first. She seems to be doing that now, which is much better than "I dont like the way you're acting, so Im going to change your mind for you.
Not saying NM is a paragon, just that good and evil are very subjective matters (spent the last 5 years of Practical Philosophy and Applied Ethics just to learn there are no simple answers to morality).
So yeah, I agree with you on why it's a good fic. That, and it is hilarious watching people war over morality in the comments section. Makes my choice of education feel all the more justified.