Read It Now Reviews #17 – A Table for Two, The Visiting Hour, A Fact for Twilight, Fit for a Princess, Peak Performance, Ali Corn and the Forty Thieves · 3:22am Feb 14th, 2015
I’ve been doing a fair bit of writing this month, averaging more than 1000 words of prose per day in February. I have another chapter of Mistletrapped which is presently under the knife of post-feedback editing, as well as the first chapter of a new story, Ice Cream Sale, which is not going to come out in time for Valentine’s Day but which will hopefully be coming out Soon (TM), now that I’ve restarted writing it from scratch from a different perspective.
But I realized that I was remiss in reviewing stories, and I had a bunch of stories on my Read It Now list from folks that I’m practically obligated to read everything they’ve written.
Today, I have six stories; five new stories, plus A Fact for Twilight, which is an older bookplayer story which I re-read due to the release of a sequel.
The stories I read today:
Table for Two, a collection of short stories by KitsuneRisu
- Happiness
- School
- Fame
The Visiting Hour by Horse Voice
A Fact for Twilight by bookplayer
Fit for a Princess by bookplayer
Peak Performance by Softy8088
Ali Corn and the Forty Thieves by monokeras
Table for Two
by KtisuneRisu
Comedy, Slice of LifeThere's a cafe at the edge of town, a place where most ponies go to unwind from the rigors of life. A perfect little place, cozy, warm, and inviting. And what better way to enjoy your free time than with a friend and a cup of coffee?
But here, in this cafe, ponies talk as equals. Ponies share. Ponies love and laugh and cry.
These are their conversations.
Why I added it: KitsuneRisu is a good writer.
Review
This is a collection of short stories.
Happiness – Applejack & Pinkie Pie: Applejack wants to know what makes Pinkie Pie happy. Pinkie Pie doesn’t know.
School – Sweetie Belle & Luna: Sweetie Belle is carefully examining the wood grain of the table she’s sitting at. Luna wants to know why, and what it is that Sweetie Belle sees, and Sweetie Belle explains.
Also, I was rather bothered by the throwaway mention of Sweetie Belle being beaten by Rarity; I don’t think that is something that Ponyville would really approve of.
Fame – Rarity & Rainbow Dash: Rarity and Rainbow Dash discuss the nature of fame, with Rainbow Dash expressing a lack of understanding in why you would indulge in something made by someone who was famous when it is better to just be famous, instead of fake-famous. Rarity out-maneuvers her verbally, but the truth is that Rainbow Dash has a very good point here – ultimately, it is something of a scam.
All of these stories are just little discussions, but there’s not really a whole lot of body to them; they are very minimalist, but none of them really have anything super interesting to say, and I actually ended up feeling a bit bored by them in the end. They are slice of life pieces in that they have no real story to them, and while there is usually a bit of agreement between the characters at the end, I didn’t feel overly enamored with any of the ones I read.
Recommendation: Not Recommended.
The Visiting Hour
by Horse Voice
DarkBon Bon visits Lyra in the mental hospital.
Why I added it: Horse Voice is a good writer.
Review
Bon Bon goes to visit Lyra in the hospital. Lyra is not well; she claims to be possessed by someone from the future, who refuses to divulge their name. They claim that aliens came and took over the planet, and have turned ponies into livestock, and bear a dire warning to the past about the future.
But Lyra is clearly crazy. I mean, she is crazy, right?
Right?
This story's title has a nice little double meaning to it.
Recommendation: Worth Reading.
A Fact for Twilight
by bookplayer
RomanceEvery scholar wants to discover a new fact, something true and constant that changes the way they see the world. For Twilight, that discovery might come from a place she never expected...
Why I added it: I read this a long time ago, but she recently wrote a sequel to it and so I re-read it to see if I’d changed my mind about it.
Review
Written in 2012, A Fact for Twilight is a fairly old TwiJack shipfic, and it shows to some extent. This story shares its plot skeleton with many, many other stories in the MLP fandom – Applejack asks Twilight on a date, Twilight has to figure out whether or not to say yes, her books prove useless, she asks her friends, and then she decides that she wants to go on a date with Applejack. I’ve seen this general plot in a fairly large number of stories, and while this is one of bookplayer’s more popular stories, I’ve never particularly liked it.
The story really has two major issues from my point of view: the story has very little tension, and the story is kind of boring in its delivery.
While it is true that many shipfics like this are essentially foregone conclusions, the way the whole thing is delivered is pretty flat. Applejack doesn’t seem too torn up over the idea that Twilight would say no, Twilight isn’t worried about ruining their friendship forever, there’s really not an enormous amount of tension over the issue of putting their hearts on the line. Nothing in the story really ever feels momentous, and this makes it hard for me to really engage with it.
The other issue is that the story feels kind of dull in its delivery. This is closely related to the tension issue, but is also a little bit separate; the only real point in the story where I felt much of a spark was when Rainbow Dash came down and delivered some fun lines:
Rainbow was on the ground at her side in a second. “I heard somepony say 'break.'”
“But, I can't tell you when—”
“Definitely heard it, so it must be time for a break!” Rainbow leaned against the wall of a building. “So what'd you need me to do on my break?”
“I needed to talk to you,” Twilight said. “You see, Applejack asked me out, and I was wondering if you knew why.”
Rainbow grinned. “Applejack asked you out? Finally!”
“Finally? She wanted to ask me on a date before this?”
“Sure. It took her a while to work up the guts. Not a problem I have, of course. If I wanted to ask a pony out, I'd just fly up to them and be like, 'Hey, good lookin'. I must be psychic, 'cause I see a date with Rainbow Dash in your future,'” Rainbow said with a toss of her mane.
“Right. That's sure to work,” Twilight said dryly. “But we weren't talking about you, we were talking about Applejack. I need to know why she asked me out!”
“Because she likes you, duh,” Rainbow said, rolling her eyes. “I thought you were supposed to be smart.”
But a lot of the dialogue doesn’t feel nearly so active, and rather ends up coming off as flat to me:
She found Applejack carrying a load of apples to the barn. Twilight caught up with her and grinned. “Hi! I wanted to let you know I made my decision, and I'd like to go out with you.”
“Well now, that sure is good news!” Applejack grinned. “How 'bout we go right now? It'll just take me a minute to get finished up here and pick up a few things.”
The smile fell from Twilight's face. “Now? But— but— I only got to skim the chapters on actually going on a date!”
“If you got more studyin' to do, we can do it another time,” Applejack said, sounding a tiny bit disappointed. “But I got somethin' special in mind and this looks like a good day for it. So if you're willin' to trust me I'll make it real easy for ya', and I bet you're smart enough to figure what to do.”
“But what if I go home afterward and study and realize that I could have done something better?”
“Then we'll haveta go on another date.” Applejack smiled and nudged her. “But just havin' you there's gonna be treat enough for me, you got my word.”
Twilight smiled. “Okay. We'll go on a date right now.”
“That's the spirit. Just lemme take care of some things.” Applejack grinned.
Applejack dropped off her apples in the barn, then went into the farmhouse. She returned a few minutes later with a picnic basket on her back.
This doesn’t really get me excited, and doesn’t feel very active; it feels just like something that happened which is being related to me. While all stories are ultimately nothing more than that, this just doesn’t really feel terribly engaging to me, and the acceptance of the date – what is, in principle, one of the major high points of a story like this – just sort of feels like it just kind of happened, and that’s that. And while this is, to some extent, the point of the story - that Applejack is a fact for Twilight, a constant, just something which is inherently true - it didn't make it much fun for me to read.
Recommendation: Not Recommended.
Fit for a Princess
by bookplayer
RomanceApplejack's mother was a Manehattan pony who fell in love with Sweet Apple Acres and the farmer who lived there. The gold necklace he gave her wasn't expensive or flashy, but she loved it anyway. Now that Applejack is ready to propose to Twilight with the same necklace, she hopes it really is fit for a princess.
Why I added it: Bookplayer is a good writer.
Review
While this story is a sequel, it isn’t really necessary to read A Fact for Twilight before you read this one, as it isn’t really dependent on the prequel, though it does reference it a bit.
The core of the story is Applejack thinking about her proposal, thinking back to her parents, then steeling herself to get ready to propose on her date on Hearts and Hooves Day with Twilight.
This story is much better than its prequel. Fit for a Princess’s central question isn’t really whether or not Twilight would say yes, but whether or not Applejack feels like what she is doing is good enough – worthy enough – of Twilight at all. Applejack feels a bit inadequate, and the conflict throughout the story is emotional, as Applejack worries over whether or not giving Twilight her mom’s necklace is good enough for a proposal.
“I’m gonna do it,” she said to Mac.
“Eyup.” He nodded and turned back to the stove.
Applejack swallowed. She considered another glass of water. She considered taking the box out of the picnic basket. “You think I’m crazy, Mac?”
He didn’t bother to turn around. “Nope.”
“She’s a princess, and all I got’s this little ol’ necklace… is it really what I oughta offer her?” She looked hard at the picnic basket, as if she could see the necklace through the woven slats.
“Eyup.”
Applejack frowned, her brows furrowing. “I— I could save up a few months and get her a diamond for her horn. That’s what she’ll be expectin’.”
“Nope.” He still faced the stove, taking a spatula in his mouth and moving the vegetables around the pan with a sizzle.
“Rarity would say this looks tacky,” she said, still frowning.
Mac set down the spatula gently. “You gonna marry Rarity?”
“I sure hope not… but I’m askin a real princess here, Mac.” Applejack shook her head and sighed.
The story does a good job of transmitting Applejack's emotional turmoil to the audience, and while the writing is a bit rough in a couple places that pulled on my attention, on the whole I liked the story and feel like it did what it was trying to do at the end, and answering the question of whether the plain necklace - and thus, by some extension, Applejack herself - was fit for a princess.
Recommendation: Worth Reading.
Peak Performance
by Softy8088
Random, Slice of LifeScootaloo will do anything to be like her idol and mentor, Rainbow Dash. Her conviction is put to the test when, one day, Rainbow Dash shows Scootaloo something that can take her training to the next level. It's something Rainbow Dash has been using for a long time for that extra edge. It's something grown-up ponies don't talk about, except to tell the youngsters to avoid.
Will the young filly stick to what her parents and teachers had taught her and stay clean — or will she follow in the hoofsteps of her surrogate big sister?
Why I added it: Softy8088 is a good writer.
Review
Honestly, saying anything else about this story would be a spoiler. Still, it made me smile, even if I knew from the description itself what the story was about. I enjoy stories like this far more than I really should, but even still, at only a bit north of a thousand words, you will probably either enjoy it or want to punch Softy8088 after reading it.
Recommendation: Recommended.
Ali Corn and the Forty Thieves
by monokeras
Comedy, RandomDeep inside Canterlot’s castle, past dingy corridors and endless flights of wobbling stairs, nestle the flats where live the hidden, the unknown, the nameless servants who, thanks to their anonymous diligence, see that each and every desire of the Princesses is fulfilled down to the smallest.
Meet Ali Corn, the grand Chancellor responsible for Equestria finances.
Why I added it: This story was written to test my hypothesis that the number of people who did drive-by downvotes on alicorn fanfics was pretty limited.
Review
This story hadn’t been downvoted once by the time I looked at it; instead, it was sitting at 177 views, 4 upvotes, and 0 downvotes – only about 1 reader in 40 voted on this story.
You should consider the random tag on this story a warning; the story isn’t even really about anything, it is just a strung-together series of seemingly-random events and subversions of said events. It starts off with Ali Corn coming home and taking off his fake horn and wings and helping one of his kids climb out of a mechanical duplicate of Celestia, followed by a run-in with the titular 40 thieves at his front door, and only gets increasingly random from there. I never really understood what this story was trying to accomplish other than attempt to settle the idea of whether or not a story which mentioned an alicorn in its title might get downvoted for that reason alone.
Recommendation: Not Recommended.
Summary
Table for Two, a collection of short stories by KitsuneRisu
- Happiness is Not Recommended
- School is Not Recommended
- Fame is Not Recommended
The Visiting Hour by Horse Voice
Worth Reading
A Fact for Twilight by bookplayer
Not Recommended
Fit for a Princess by bookplayer
Worth Reading
Peak Performance by Softy8088
Recommended
Ali Corn and the Forty Thieves by monokeras
Not Recommended
Sorry for not having a new set of reviews for so long, but hopefully, the story updates have been worth it.
Number of stories still listed as "Read It Later – High Priority": 222
Number of stories listed as “Read It Later”: 1536.
TIL bookplayer uses the same cover art for all of her stories
2794699
Fixed.
Nice to know I've improved in two and a half years.
2794712 Congratulations on taking that more positively than I would.
It's worth pointing out the meaning of the title "A fact for Twilight". The story explains Twilight's attraction to Applejack in particular, as opposed to any other pony, in terms of her own obsession with explanations, and the relief it gives her to find somepony who can be taken as given rather than always subject to conditional probabilities. That counts for something in my book.
However, the description doesn't say it has an alicorn in it, and the picture implies it doesn't.
Aha! Looks like I was just in time!
Regarding Table For Two, you may want to keep an eye on it, because several different authors either have contributed to it, or are going to. Some of these names will be familiar.
2794741
The Visiting Hour, A Fact for Twilight, and Fit for a Princess all have very fitting titles. The Visiting Hour has a nice double meaning thing going on with it. I probably should have made more note of it.
2794753
Not going to lie - the fact that you, bookplayer, and Softy8088 all released stories so close together is the real reason I wrote this, because I figured it was very likely I would enjoy at least one of them.
I'll keep my eye on KitsuneRisu's work.
2794741
Yeah, it wasn't a very good experiment.
2794712 he's still fired. If he'd NR'd both stories, I'd use actual fire.
2794874
This is why fire resistance comes in handy.
2794909 Hah! Joke's on you! Titanium Dragons don't get fire resistance or immunity, despite their lava breath!
2794912
Huh. I thought that volcano was a bit uncomfortable...
I've never gotten so many not recommendeds for one single story simultaneously.
I think I deserve an award for this.
Where's my award, TD?
2795105
It's in the mail.
cdn0.vox-cdn.com/thumbor/S2QujB0is1nphp1BK4kXCNbIAbw=/cdn0.vox-cdn.com/uploads/chorus_asset/file/2334078/small-gold-cup.0.jpg
Don't worry, I put a bit of duct tape with your name over the bottom of it.
AND YOU HAVE MORE TO LOOK FORWARD TO THANKS TO HORSE VOICE ENCOURAGING ME TO READ MORE OF THEM.
Though I do plan on reviewing Barrelled Up at some point in my "All the best RariJack stories" post, which will, naturally, not include a single story where they actually get together.
2795110
In my defense, Titanium, I think a lot of people somehow had problems with that one line in the story about the beatings without realising that characters in a story don't necessarily always tell the truth all the time. Kids say the darndest things, as they say. Of course, your mileage with such humour may vary, but it's kinda obvious she wasn't actually being serious, and Rarity isn't actually beating her.
That's kinda true. That was the point. When I asked a whole bunch of others to guest write for the project, I told them that it was just about the conversation. It's just a moment. They're all little moments. The 'story' is honestly more just a practice in conversation and a practice in moments. Don't look for anything more than that.
Damnit, man. I expected better quality stuff. >=\
2794753
Horse, you understand that I'm about to get about 20 'not recommended's for a single fic because of you. I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY. >=|
2795120
Unfortunately, this is always one of the hardest things about writing a story about a fictional world; when people lie, we, the audience, are much more likely to believe them due to lack of context, especially if nothing is presented in-story to the contrary of their statement and we don't otherwise have a reason to think that they're lying.
This is of course, silly, because real people lie all the time. But you know.
Apologies.
2795137
Yeah, and the format doesn't give me room to really expand on things. But hey, it's no problem. Nothing to apologize for, honestly.
2794813
Is it just me, or did story submissions recently swing from a drought to a decent stream? I mean, I'm biased to the authors I follow, but I figure there's a good enough overlap there with the authors people around here would consider worth paying attention to. (Checking my feed shows five new stories this week and three last week, but loads in the week before that -- not so sure about updates, though. I'm probably conflating actual posting rates with how much reading I get done.)
2795234
Hard to say for sure. I have seen more stuff though from folks I know recently, though there was another surge a few weeks ago. It happens periodically; every writeoff also brings a surge a week or two afterwards.
2795254
To be fair, the random tag is always a warning of sorts, but random tagged and a story being nothing but random events is not necessarily the same thing; while they may be wacky and wild, they aren't by necessity a desultory succession of absurd or non-sensical events. Two Peas in a Pod is an example; while it is clearly a "random" story and there is a certain sense of whimsy to it, the story is not really random so much as bizzare in its premise. Applejack Goes to Magic School for Some Reason is about Applejack getting invited to Princess Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns as a filly, and no one realizing that she's not a unicorn because she wears that hat all the time. Stuff like The Sag of Dark Demon King Ravenblood Nightblade, Interior Design Alicorn, Shipping Goggles, and Naked Singularity are parodies (and meta-commentary), while stuff like Martial Bliss makes "sense" of a weird event in the show.
So they may be "random", but there's usually a method to their madness. Your story basically felt like a series of random events which didn't really have much coherence; it was all about constant subversions, but I wasn't really sure if I could figure out what the "point" of it all was; it didn't really feel like it was building up towards some central purpose or goal that I could make sense of, whereas for all of the above, they seemed to have some method to their madness, some goal that their story pressed towards.
I commented about it in the thread; I'm not a big fan of Finnegan's Wake type stuff.
Je ne suis pas tres familier avec la litterature franciase. J'ai etudie le francais en ecole, mais surtout lu des romans comme L'Etranger et choses comme ca. J'ai lu Tintin et Asterix, mais peux d'autre choses qui etait drole.
And I probably screwed that up something awful. I also was far too lazy to use the proper accents, which probably makes it significantly more difficult to read.
OH WELL. That's what happens when you don't speak a language for a decade.
Anyway, I've never read anything by those writers, and indeed, I'm not familar with French literature which postdates 1950 or so, and nothing comedic other than the aforementioned comics. Of course, the fact that I'm not familiar with any of those writers, who predate the 1950s, indicates that I'm not very familiar with pre-1950s French literature either.
As such, it is rather hard for me to say what you were going for, there. I've seen stories which were written like yours in English - indeed, there are a fair number of them - but I've never particularly liked them; if they're trying to imitate a specific comedic style which I haven't seen, I'd be interested in seeing what the "original" is like, as then I could see if they're at least succeeding in trying to do what the original works were up to.
2795120
Oh dear... I thought it would eventually convince TD that the format had merit, especially since, in my opinion, the stories have been going up in quality, and the framing device is original.
In retrospect, it was a huge assumption on my part. I apologize.
Edit: Herp-a-derp, I can't tell when people are kidding.
2795866
Oh no, I'm hoping that happens.
... I'm also secretly hoping that I get the record for most not recommendeds for a single fic.
I'm a bit of a masochist that way.....
2795443
I have heard this, and that a lot of French authors were alarmed by the fact that France used to have a huge and important indigenous literary culture and that nowadays you guys import north of 50% of your books from the English-speaking world due to this very phenomenon.
I mean, it works out for those of us who write in English, I suppose, but it sucks if you want to read a French novel which was actually written in French which isn't a translation.
Then again, I hear that English is having a pretty major impact all across the EU thanks to the Internet and its increased use in business, science, and technology.
EDIT: J'ai regarde le video. "Je passe." J'ai ri.