Story Reviews » Reviews! Round 62 · 10:24am Feb 11th, 2015
Seattle's Angels is a group that promotes good stories with low views. You can find us here.
Raz sat at the kitchen table, thumbing through a folder in his hands. He was taken by the sound of the door opening, and he gave the entrant a curious look.
Casca took a seat at the table. “I thought Csquared was going to help me with this,” he said.
“Something came up last minute,” Raz said, returning to the folder. He mumbled, “Something about litter boxes. I suppose I need to brief you then,” he said with a sigh. He opened the folder and slid it over, dispersing its contents across the table. “You heard we captured an intruder, right?”
Casca picked up a picture from the pile. “This guy?” He squinted at the hazy image taken from a security camera. It showed a man looking around on the surface above the underground tree fortress, a satchel around one shoulder. Another picture showed him advancing from the sidewalk towards a totally nondescript and vaguely familiar mailbox in Wanderer D’s backyard.
“Are you sure this isn’t the mailman?” he asked. “Or that someone didn’t invite him?”
“Positive,” Raz said. “Nobody who isn’t with Seattle’s Angels has any business trespassing back there. And like I said, we captured him, and he’s most certainly not a mailman.” He brought out the stranger’s satchel seen in the photographs and it landed on the table with a thump. “Take a look.”
Casca briefly briefly wondered where this intruder was being detained, but a muffled scream and a yell on the floor below told him not to pursue the matter. He stuck his hands in the satchel a produced a small stack of books. He only needed to read their covers to tell what they were, and by the look he was receiving, he gauged he was supposed to be more alarmed than he was.
“Fanfics,” Raz said.
“Yeah,” Casca observed, skimming one of them. “What was he doing coming to Seattle’s Angels with fanfics?”
“Nothing good, that’s for sure,” Raz said, crossing his arms. “He could be someone from a rival group for all we know, trying to steal whatever secrets we have. While the others are busy trying to get answers from him, we’re going to see if we can’t find the answers ourselves.”
Casca moved to a different fanfic and frowned at it. “Alright, then.”
ROUND 62
A deranged human journalist is invited to explore the newfound world of Equestria, the land of magic and whimsy and adventure. To the ire of everyone involved, and especially Twilight, he isn't particularly impressed.
If you liked Burning Man Brony, from way back when we featured it, you’d find a lot to like in this one. Similarly, it takes on a disillusioned human perspective on the state of ponies and what live contact with them would mean. Yet, the perspective character, Joram (let’s just call him that for simplicity) - there’s something off about him, even more so than in BMB, and this becomes clear very soon from the get-go.
The story opens up to Joram’s account of Gary, Indiana, and provides the framework for both Joram’s own philosophies and a parallel to what lies ahead. As with a lot of first-person pieces, the voice determines how much the author can play around with his words and portrayals, and Joram’s voice is mad, wily, interesting, giving us passages like:
A long pause followed. I dropped the phone on the bed and went to the bathroom to pee. I found my watermelon there. It was floating in the toilet, cracked open down the middle. Its insides had turned yellow and smelled so sickly sweet I had to plug my nose with a floor rug. I dug my hand down into the humid crevice of the watermelon and pulled out a fistful of what looked to be spider eggs. I stared at them in my hand for a long time, clenching and unclenching my knuckles. I pondered what it meant for my destiny if that revolting motel toilet could become the cradle for something so miraculous as newborn life.
The absurdity of both Joram’s thoughts and the situations around him scale to the climax, and there’s a mildly noteworthy effect in that, because of good foreshadowing, the culmination of Joram’s mission is somehow less absurd than the road leading up to it.
We are led to hallucinations, to diatribes from one philosophical standpoint to another, in the way only human minds can go. The sheer conviction in Joram’s voice powers the story along - he is, clearly, deluded, but there’s a charismatic, almost relateably devoted vein to all he does that keeps you from instantly writing him off and out of mind.
And despite the starkness of what’s being portrayed, the author’s hand in introducing these is gentle - it lulls your sensibilities, allows you to suggest to yourself that surely what you’re interested in is not vile, but maybe a harmless, on-and-off kind of crazy...
The way Joram takes on the world, how he references to other events, labels and caricatures new elements upon exposure, become rainbow-painted footholds up a jagged rock face - the story of someone whose ideologies go beyond zealotism, hatin’ on pones - that would have otherwise been pointless to climb. The footholds are too colourful, too inexplicable to ignore, and so you follow their lead to see what’s at the top.
As mentioned, a small piece of foreshadowing prepares you and plants the expectation for what comes next - it was a very key decision the author made, I feel, or else the climax would have been too raw, too easily batted off as artificial edge. But because you know it’s coming, it brings a blast of clarity - no more second-guessing and trying to figure out what’s going on.
It ties everything together, from the surface plot to the tone itself - it’s a clean, clear-cut resolution to a twisting development. You can see, then, that the story is not about the actions of hating ponies (Celestia know we have enough of those) but of state of mind - an intelligent, ignorant, twisted, deluded, heroic mind that at the end, not even his occasionally affable one-liners can mask.
A play with perspective, an exploration, even a celebration of madness - that’s what I feel Along Softly On The Tongue is. It’s incredibly engaging, with lots for those of you who enjoy the mental exercise of picking through unreliable narration. At its worst, it’s cheekily-crafted HiE deconstruction (though that really doesn’t do the depth of it justice); at its best, it’s forty minutes of inescapable fascination.
I could tell from the description alone that this story promised to do two things: dable in the philosophical and the absurd. Along Softly on the Tongue is undeniably strange, with a protagonist stranger than the context of the story, and he’s got a mindset that’s, as the author put, deranged. We follow him to the magical land of Equestria, and seeing the world through his perspective is an incredible, mesmerizing, and disturbing experience.
The story is in diary format and recounts the adventures of our protagonist “Joram” through the proud state of Indiana and his journey to Equestria. As it turns out, Equestria isn’t the final destination. In fact, there really isn’t much of an ending here. The story sets itself up masterfully for its big climax, however, and by the time it happened I was actually rooting for Joram despite my mind telling me otherwise. It’s the kind of absurdity where I was led to not believe anything I was being told, but at the same time I was captivated by the truth Joram was so set in seeking. It’s a conflict of interests that’s weirdly not at all conflicting.
Casca calls Along Softly on the Tongue a celebration of madness, and I can’t think of anything more apt. It’s... it’s just wacky. I find myself having difficulty explaining it because the story is incredibly difficult to find sensible meaning in, and that’s just it: the only sense this story makes is shrouded in insanity.
It’s a definite trip to read, but easy to follow if a reader can suspend their disbelief which, honestly, is quite easy to do given the narrative. I’d recommend this to people who aren’t fans of Human stories, just because of the thrill that it is. There’s meaning here to pick at, but don’t end up feeling disappointed if you walk away with nothing. Just sit back and enjoy the ride.
The Cutie Mark Crusaders ask Discord for a favor. What could possibly go wrong?
Episode-like CMC fanfic, yay!
Off the bat - if you like stuff that would fit right into the show, this is for you. This story follows the classic three-part narrative: CMC wish to become better ponies and enlist Discord, and he switches up their pony types; they enjoy it at first as it allows them to achieve the things they hadn’t been able to before, but it soon sours on them; they learn their lesson, and it’s capped with a friendship letter.
There’s a lot to like here: The voices in this story are spot on, and the dialogue, as with the scenarios, are light and fun to read. There’s a rather clever spin on the CMCs and their respective sister figures, showing how, really, with a simple switch-up, they could become much better at what they do for each other, a kind of right-under-your-nose obvious that’s pleasant to unravel. Supporting is are nice bits of humour weaved into the narrative, like a running gag about Discord getting the CMC’s title mixed up consistently, and some very good authorial decision-making - a perfect balance of narrative, dialogue and touch that reveals either meticulous crafting or enviable instinct.
To conclude: it’s a well-written breeze to read for those of you looking for a fun CMC fic. I have no clue when Season 5 is coming out, but if your answer is “not soon enough”, or you just want a taste of good ol’ Season 1, here’s something to while the time away.
Cutie Mark Crisscross is one of those stories that’s so endearing it’d be downright absurd to hate it. Simple and straightforward, it begins with one of the best opening lines I’ve seen and ends on a silly, loveable note.
The story begins with the CMC reconvening after their latest failed attempt to achieve their cutie marks. They come to the realization that blank-flanks aside, they’re pretty pathetic ponies, and recruit Discord’s help to make them better ponies for the cutie mark obtaining edge they so desperately need. Only, Discord screws with them by switching up their pony types and immediately goes on vacation, to their dismay. Only, they discover they’re better at being not-themselves than they were before.
As I said, the story itself is fairly simple and straightforward, which isn’t a bad thing. But it’s the incredible voices and handling of the characters that keeps the tone upbeat and an absolute joy to read. I lost track of time reading this, which made me surprised it isn’t longer than it really is. Another thing Cutie Mark Crisscross has going for it is it’s show-like feeling. It’s got a couple of jokes that aren’t out of place, the pacing is great, and there’s even a lesson and letter to Celestia to boot.
Simply put, this is a fantastic story I would recommend to anyone and everyone. It’s got everything going for it.
It's been two hundred years since Twilight Sparkle last saw her beloved teacher. Now, she begins writing to her once more.
something something dank Dark Souls meme
Do you remember the first fanfic you read?
Not necessarily talking about pony, of course - I’m talking about the dark ages of FF.net, which everyone but myself, it seems, love to hate.
Do you remember a simpler time, when author notes littered the headers and footers in bold, and fluff was a valid genre? And the stories - you could spot the self-inserts a mile and a half away, and when the dreck was shifted away, what was left were the worldbuilding fics, the adventure-y sort with re-envisionings of places and characters and how things might have been, given a different time and place...
Letters to the Sun is like that. It’s something of a rarity for SA recommendations as far as I know: it’s a sci-fi future what-if, and not just any kind of sci-fi - the “Twilight is now Ruler of the Galaxy” kind.
There is light, and its shining is beautiful. This is why I still send these letters, because despite my claims of rationality and pragmatism, I can still bring myself to hope.
I must close off now, but I find myself optimistic. Perhaps you really are reading these letters. Who can say? The world truly is a strange and wonderful place.
~Princess Twilight Sparkle
Sitting at a cushy 2-3k words per chapter, this is the kind of fic you don’t really need to rush - I like to think of it as lunch-break reading, that you can just tap into for about ten minutes a day. The premise is that Celestia has died, and Twilight now rules Equestria and, due to certain developments, some portions of space beyond the stars. The rest of the Mane 6 have gone on to bigger, better things, and Twilight, having reached a point in her life, now writes letters to Celestia to let some stories off her chest.
Each chapter is self-enclosed. Sometimes there are references to other events - some which may show up in later chapters, some not yet written - but the references are never key enough for their realization to impact the letters themselves negatively (or positively, honestly), more like off-handed “by the way”s. As per the titles, they look at what has become of Twilight’s friends, post-space expansion - how, carried by the magic of their Elements and possibly something greater still than that, they have gone on to achievements of epic proportions.
Yes, epic is the right word - there is a healthy dose of old-school scale in this. It takes a page out of the books of the King Arthur legends, in that each hero finds their own personal quest, and sets out to do so for the glory of their kingdom. The aspirations that the author set out to materialize is inspiring, and the way our favourite characters are handled, I feel, is true to their core - it’s an intimate handling that you can connect to on a deeper level, just seeing what might be. With it, it stirs up nostalgia - to a time when a very active imagination, and the willingness to dream big, were the only things you needed to write amazing fanfiction.
The systems of magitech, additionally, are a personal treat. I love the air of magic blending with technology, and how they could work parallel if not together; fictitious elements are played out, fleshed with snippets of brief history, and blended into the ever-growing world of Horizon Runner’s Equestria.
You may find it an issue that the story hasn’t updated in, well, forever, but I don’t find it worth agonizing over. The “lost references” that are never explained, in a way, add to the feel of the world - that it has expanded beyond even Twilight’s alicornic reach, and all these letters are just glimpses of the living, growing Equestria. Besides, there’s only one chapter left, and the author’s apparently working in doing the idea justice, so that’s something to look forward to.
Letters to the Sun is one of those stories that provokes a lovely twinge of empathy. It captures the feeling of science fiction without really even trying, and its reflective nature is gives it an odd sense of melancholy. Twilight has reached the highest point of her life so far, centuries after Princess Celestia passed away and Twilight succeeded her place on the throne, and for some reason she finds herself writing back to her.
Much has changed in the two hundred years between the present and when this fic takes place. Equestria is positively booming, going through an industrial revolution and even so far as to enter a space age. The rest of the Mane Six have gone on to achieve bigger and better things, and in her letters, Twilight discusses where they’ve gone and all the change she’s had a hand in stirring. It’s interesting to see the focus brought to her friends with this expansive future as a backdrop, something to take notice of but not direct attention at.
Needless to say, Letters to the Sun is full of world building. The tone is rich with Twilight’s emotions. I consider that to be the story’s greatest quality. It’s something I rarely see, and one doesn’t even know it’s happening until the story pulls its strings in just the right way.
We usually don’t feature incomplete stories here, or at least ones that haven’t updated in so long. However, that the story is unfinished adds a bit to the feeling of the world, in a weird way. But I certainly wouldn’t mind seeing it update.
If grandiose world building and what-if scenarios are your thing, this would make for a great story to read. Likewise, fans of melancholy should find themselves enjoying this too.
Rainbow Dash is an unlikely matchmaker, but she's also not a pony that leaves her friends hanging. When she sees the feelings Applejack and Rarity have for each other, she tries to get them together. Dash fails, but gains something nonetheless.
The next step, of course, was pony one and pony two kissing and living happily ever after and all the mushy stuff that made Dash a little bit queasy when she thought about it. She'd never had any interest in being pony one or pony two, but helping her friends toward the happily ever after part was, in her opinion, a good way to score friendship points. Friendship was—like all good things in life—a competition. Everypony won, of course, but Rainbow Dash intended to win the most.
This one’s an interesting one. It opens up with the issue of Applejack and Rarity having feelings for each other, and Rainbow wanting to make them both happy. She’s unable to figure out how to beat their stubbornness, and the discussion soon turns its head to a deeper topic than the opener lets on.
Two things really make this work: firstly, the author displays a remarkable understanding of the characters. The usual hitch of accepting the premise aside, it’s not difficult to follow Rainbow’s thoughts and frustrations or Twilight’s calm way of directing conversation - the feel of Rainbow’s frustration comes through strongly, and it tugs at the reader’s mind: “But don’t you want to find out what do?”
It also helps that every character gets their fair share of weight. It’s kinda hard to make this seem like a compliment when it sounds like a prerequisite, but Ebon Mane really doesn’t waste any introductions to the story. Everyone in the story has a stake in the conflict/development/resolution, carries their own impetus, and very much has the choice to take impactful action - the few that are taken shift the story on naturally and bode importance.
It’s surprisingly hard to get tightness in a cast - we accept placeholder characters, bringers of messages who vanish once their plot servicing is achieved, or cannon fodder to drive home a mood - that this story wouldn’t work with a removal of any of its characters gives it that little extra life.
Because life is like that - willingly or not, the time comes when we leave people behind and ruin our bridges for the sake of an overarching ideal. But there may still be something that can be done, where there’s a will.
This, the moral of the story, is poignant and satisfying, as it turns to give Rainbow some closure of her own, in a direction not quite expected. There’s also something clever about how the result of Rainbow’s actions justify her stance on the original conflict, thinking back on it - all in all, it’s a piece that you can take something from and gets you thinking.
One of the things I love the most is seeing Rainbow Dash stuck in a conundrum. On the Care and Construction of Bridges follows a frustrated Rainbow Dash after she learns two of her friends have feelings for each other, but neither one wants to express those feelings out of fear of ruining their friendship. Rainbow Dash can’t wrap her head around this, and to her credit she does play her part to try and understand why rather than force the issue.
I really appreciated how the author was able to show an incredible understanding of the story’s characters. They’re handled expertly and it makes the story very easy to follow despite the less-than easy to convey message. In fact, that the message is so difficult for Rainbow Dash to understand at first really helps to engage the reader. Her motivations and justifications do a wonderful job of putting the reader in her mindset.
Really, On the Care and Construction of Bridges is a character-driven story. It’s emotional, but not in way that evokes sadness. The moral it pushes is poignant, and I especially like that it’s show-esque as far as an ending moral goes, but due to the topic it’s one I can’t see the show really investing in. That was a special treat for me, and the expert characterizations certainly helped with that.
Obviously, people looking for a solid Rainbow Dash story should look no further. People who also have a craving for show-esque stories may find something here, albeit short. That said, this is simply a wonderful story in its own right.
Raz scratched his head, watching the stranger on the security feed back on the surface and making a hasty retreat. “Huh. I guess he wasn’t a changeling after all. Who’d of thought he was telling the truth?” He shrugged. “It’s a good thing we declawed Burraku.”
On a hunch, Casca took the little joystick that controlled the camera and pointed it back towards the totally unassuming mailbox. He zoomed in and enhanced the image so that the words written on it were clearly visible.
“I think I know what he was doing,” Casca said, slowly frowning. “That’s where people come to recommend us stories to review. I knew it looked familiar.”
“We have one of those?”
“Yeah,” Casca said with a nod. He let go of the joystick and crossed his arms. “I made it. Don’t you remember?”
He received a blank stare. “What?”
Feel free to visit our group for more information and events, and to offer some recommendations for future rounds. See you all next time!
Crisscross is already on my list, but Letters to the Sun will definitely a new addition.
The words have been doubled!
Oh my god.
I remember Fanfiction.net... it was a dark and evil place.
I still have nightmares.
2787667 It still is...
2787584 Huzzah!!
Heh; I read Cutie Mark Crisscross a day or two ago myself. It's a really nice story, agreed, which stands out for its very well-written Discord. You don't see many fics that nail Discord's character like this one does. On this evidence, I'd love to see Everyday write more fics.
Oh, my goodness! Seattle's Angels featured my story!
Thank you all so much. It truly is an honor.
2787667
Fret not, for it has made you stronger.
2787666
Surprise!
Actually, declawing makes them quicker to bite when they feel threatened. NOT THAT I'D KNOW.
And why do I have to pay the postage for you guys to return my satchel?
2790223
It's not for the postage, but to buy Ferret into giving it up. She was pretty quick to file a timeshare.
Thanks for the review!