Story Reviews » Reviews! Round 61 · 4:44am Jan 26th, 2015
Seattle's Angels is a group that promotes good stories with low views. You can find us here.
“C’mon man, it’ll be fine. Stop being such a wuss. You said you guys wanted a better method for sorting fics,” the small ferret said dismissively, looking over a stack of messy papers.
“Yeah, but I just meant maybe I could consider looking in the slush room more often, not, well, this!”
Burraku Pansa waved his arms to encompass the floor covered in a pulsating glowing circle with odd pieces of writing in a lurid blue goo. There were various items piled haphazardly around it: something in a beaker dripping and hissing onto an expensive-looking scientific machine, piles of paperwork with random notations and scribblings, a well-mauled ball of sock yarn with a label reading “Sock’s personal repair supply, no chewing!”, and more besides.
The ferret next to him frowned and waved some papers at him. “Well, too bad. I need to test my new theory for finding stories. See, based on these studies, and that story, and the dream I had last night, this chemical composition for the writing, combined with the power you can extract from the changeling summoning circle, I should be able to cast the spell despite not being a unicorn!“
“Wait, ‘should’?” The tall Angel furrowed his brow and looked even more concerned.
“Sure! Worst-case scenario is it overloads the circuit board and the second level alliteration spell it’s running crumbles and we both get hit with a significant amount of backlash and will be struck with a variation of the ‘Never Know Peace’ curse. Honestly, though, it’s pretty unlikely, as I made sure to add some pipe mold over it which should absorb things without issue. Now shush and move to where I told you to go before. I need to concentrate if we’re going to get good fics.”
Burraku grimaced and stood on the tape mark, glancing over at his partner nervously. She ignored him and carefully placed a headdress made of feathers and string over her ears and lifted a glowing rock. The rock and circle began pulsating in sync, slowly gaining speed and causing both Angels to begin shaking from some unknown effect.
“Annd herre wwweee ggggoooo…”
“FERRET! I TOLD YOU TO STAY THE HELL OUT OF MY LAB!”
The door slammed open and an even-more-belligerent-than-usual sock stormed in with the other Angels peeking around the corner and rapidly laying bets as to what would happen.
Ferret squeaked and jerked around to look for an escape route, the stone flying out of her paws and smacking Burraku in the chest, sending him backwards into the heap of equipment that had been cleared for the spell.
“Sock I can explain...Wait, something smells funny.” She lifted her head and sniffed, her whiskers twitching.
All eyes immediately looked to Burraku, who had begun trembling and emitting smoke.
“Ferret, did you decant that liquid Dimercuric tetraazide when you were moving things?” Sock asked as he began slowly backing up.
“You were making Dimercuric tetraazide!? I know you like explosions, but that could easily level the entire Fortress and Tree House! Are you trying to do a repeat of Twilight’s Library or something? Also no. Do you think that’s what’s doing it?”
“Probably, though I don’t know how it’s going to interfere with your weird voodoo.”
“It’s not Voodoo! Voodoun is an ancient and well respected religious practice. This is just some stuff I threw together because it looked cool. Oooh, the smoke’s clearing. BP, are you in there?”
As the smoke cleared, the Angels crowded in to see the result of Ferret’s work.
“You’re…” Core began before pausing, looking critically over the Angel.
“You’re a panther,” Raz supplied helpfully.
“I...I…” Sock seemed stuck in shock, staring wide-eyed at his lab and twitching slightly
“Not just a panther! A panther with a floaty cloud! It worked, it worked, it worked!” Ferret bounced around cheering in delight. “With that and your speed, I bet you can sort stories faster than ever!”
Burraku looked in the closest reflective surface he could find. Where once a tall, bearded human stood, there was now a rather confused-looking jungle cat, floating on what looked to be a small cloud.
“Is...is this permanent? I look like a Gary Stu.”
Ferret glanced up from where she was idly gnawing on a knitting needle. “Nah, you’re just a panther, and I think the cloud is a tech kludge. I’m sure I could change you back if you want. Though I should probably scram before Sock comes to and gets mad. Enjoy!”
She scrambled under a table and vanished.
ROUND 61
Once upon a time, there was a pony. Her name was Celestia, and her purpose was to initiate a series of events which would ultimately result in the production, encouragement, and maintenance of harmony in the world. This series of events started with eating grass.
This is one of those fics that I adore and want to suggest everyone reads it or at least tries reading it, because I know not everyone has as good taste as myself. GaPJaxie says this was written as a sort of experiment at 3 AM one morning and in a way I think it shows. It feels very distinct from typical writing, very stripped down and simple. We learn things alongside the characters, which has the benefit of drawing you into them and letting you see things as they do.
The premise is very direct. We see Celestia as she is created and as she explores her new consciousness and world with the aid of the one who created her. She meets other ponies and discovers how to fulfill her purpose as the parameters and boundaries of the world expand. There isn’t much to this story so far but what is there promises to become something beautiful.
It feels like the bare essence of a story, because in a way it is. Unfolding and expanding; it really does feel like a sort of Eden, the creatures within slowly discovering their purposes and how things will function for them, how they identify themselves and what they need to do. At the same time it has a beautiful logistical feeling to it, as though it were a computer program of sorts.
It has a beautiful feeling of newness to it. It amazes me how the author is able to cover what is arguably pretty normal ground for folks—eating food is good, mating is good, interacting with others and finding our place in life is good—and breathe a new world into it by doing something that is different. It’s perhaps because he manages to so firmly set us in Celestia’s viewpoint that I can’t help but be caught up in her eyes and experiences. It’s like seeing a favourite film with a friend who’s viewing it for the first time and getting caught up in their enjoyment—remembering how it was when everything was fresh and new.
I should warn you that they discuss the fact that males and females are different and that females can grow young within themselves, but honestly it’s such a vague and clinical method that it would be safe enough for a child to read. But I’m from that crazy free-love country of Canada, so I can completely accept some folks may disagree.
I (and most of us, probably) tend to be wary of recommending stories here which are not yet complete—there’s often no telling if they might swerve off in some poorly thought-out direction down the line, or whether or not they’ll ever actually be finished. GaPJaxie’s “A Series of Events” has had some relatively recent activity put into it, so my worries about the latter are mitigated somewhat. As to the former: What’s here already is pretty unique, and it deserves to be read on its own merits (i.e. more of it would be welcome, but I’m able to get something out of the current experience, and I think you can, too).
“A Series of Events” is set in, as Ferret put it, an Eden of sorts. The world, small though it currently seems, has been freshly created and lightly populated. Its “creator” has a direct role at the start, filling in what gaps in Celestia’s knowledge she thinks to ask about (with a very direct feel, as though she’s querying a system with something like get(self.purpose) and the system is returning data). “He” drops away, though, and this Eden comes to look like a very sophisticated version of Life—its occupants, each unique, are placed and given a vector (a goal, a purpose, a collision course with one another), and the system is left to propagate as it will. It’s methodical enough that one must wonder how many earlier versions there were before this latest Eden was created. Of course, that’s all just the meta story. The actual story has us riding along with Celestia as she learns about herself and her world, growing steadily more sophisticated.
In terms of issues, there were few, even taking into account that this is a fairly short story (which is not to say that a small proofread wouldn’t be in order, but hey). If any barrier to enjoyment exists, it might be the base subject matter. If you might be offended by what reads as a very scientific take on an origin story, or by a very basic and childish description of intercourse, then this isn’t for you. If you’re anybody else, I think you’ll join me in eagerly awaiting more.
STORY 2
Fury, by JusticeSnake
Little villains (or at least one of them) are intent on removing their caretaker. If only their thumbs were more opposable.
“Fury” is a very intriguing look into the lives of the animals Fluttershy cares for, those who appreciate it and those who...feel less than charitably to her. These are the struggles of the beings known as Megaera, Tisiphone and Alecto (named after the Furies from Greek Mythology), or more accurately, the struggles of Megaera against the mare known as Fluttershy, while her sibling Alecto and his mate Tisiphone try to discourage her from her righteous quest, or simply watch in amazement at her attempts. There is also a small mystery here as you’re not told what type of animals the main characters are, but there are plenty of hints dropped before the reveal at the end. Even if you don’t figure it out, there’s still lots to enjoy here.
Each character has a distinct voice, and I found I could easily picture them in my mind. Megaera feels very committed to her name and speaks with words full of brooding portent and godly pronouncements. Whether she is scorning her sibling for not realizing how incredible her ideas truly are, or plotting the downfall of her captor, she truly believes in her strength and power. Her brother Alecto plays the patient straight man, trying to convince his sister of her folly, while fussing over his mate Tisiphone, who is due to give birth soon and so is limited in her mobility. Tisiphone is very focused on her unborn kits and is much less understanding of Megaera’s goals than Alecto. She often dismisses Megaera while her brother tries to be more placating.
I love the build-up of tension, the slowly increasing frustration of Megaera as each of her schemes fail and result in more and more Looney-Tunes-esque levels of comedy. The author really shines here as such things can be hard to capture on the page. They really manage to make the events feel animated and alive, and I can genuinely believe this happened in the show, albeit off screen.
JusticeSnake’s “Fury” is certainly one of the more lighthearted pieces I’ve ever featured on SA. In it, we follow one Megaera (read: Wile E. not-Coyote) in her cartoonishly violent (read: all but ACME-sponsored) attempts to end Fluttershy (read: “meep meep”). Through it all, we get a strong picture of her warped perspective on her keeper, especially as compared to her far more sane brother’s and sister-in-law’s. This story would definitely have had a place in the Outside Insight contest that CouchCrusader ran last year—it almost feels as though it was written for that but never submitted.
Apart from the first and final scenes, this story reads—if we haven’t pounded it in enough yet—like an episode of Looney Tunes watches. Thusly, the plot is mostly focused around slapstick gags, and is fairly simple on the whole. Since I can’t seem to go one round without complaining that I have very little to say about a story: I have very little to say about this story. It’s straightforward, and while some knowledge of Greek myth (which I do not possess) might add a layer to it, you’re pretty much getting what’s on the tin with this one.
In terms of issues, the most glaring one is probably the formatting: Indentation is inconsistent and line breaks don’t always seem to have a purpose. It could definitely do with a looking over, for that and a couple of other reasons, as it all left me somewhat unimmersed. Despite that, I would say that immersion isn’t necessarily key to this piece, so the experience doesn’t suffer too much in the long run. If you can handle that, and if you enjoy simple comedies, have a look.
STORY 3
Second Sun, by Carabas
After a magical accident, Celestia and Luna must try to restore harmony. Celestia's duplicate, however, is having none of it.
“Second Sun” treads familiar ground, in a way. What happens when who you are and who you pretend to be are both visible at the same time? What happens when your private face and your public face are incredibly different? Celestia has an amazing line here about wearing your worst thoughts on your sleeve. The author does an amazing job here of treading the line between seeming honest and true to the characters without sliding into the territory of mawkish parody.
I love the opening with Celestia begging for a chance to have an adventure and Luna understanding that yearning and granting her. The sibling bond here is wonderful. Luna is sometimes overshadowed by Celestia, but in this story she comes across as having a unique voice of her own. The patient and loving sibling, accepting her sister’s faults and complaining, but when the sparkly rainbow poop hits the fan, she’s just as quick to lay blame on herself for not trying harder to protect her sister. As one in possession of a sister myself (younger though) this really resonated with me.
Celestia casts one of Star Swirl’s spell that splits her into two distinct entities: the self she presents to others: the kind, motherly Celestia which is her external face that ponies are used to seeing, and what she really thinks and feels—all her annoyances and frustrations that she keeps inside, which is very shocking and confusing to ponies.. What’s more, each Celestia is aware that they’re only part of the whole. It’s almost a sort of id vs ego situation (but less of a massive guilt trip that the ego is usually associated with). The author lampshades this beautifully with a brief discussion between Celestia and Twilight about the renowned psychologist Suspect Focus who spoke of impulse and conscience. This leads to a hilarious and oddly profound result.
The thing that impresses me is how the author handles the two Celestias. They both feel like halves of one whole without being sent too far in either direction.
Her internal self is rude, impatient, and aggressive. She has clearly been feeling like she’s languishing in the background for too long and steps into the spotlight and owns it. She revels in her freedom and flatly refuses to be sent back until she has to be. She wants to drink brandy til her back teeth float, she wants a cute stallion (and carries one off) and doesn’t want to deal with annoying boorish nobles or stupid petty diplomats. She still manages to be Celestia though, and has some very beautifully gentle serious moments, thinking over her life and discussing her choices. She accepts that she chose the path of peace and it’s a long difficult road. She talks about how she has sometimes considered bringing peace at the end of a lance, “forcing the world to take its medicine.”
Her external self is more focused on the country and her subjects. Her first and foremost concern is how this will affect her citizens and their relationships with the other countries. She has accepted the fact she has chosen to chain herself to this persona and has made peace with it, which leads to a beautiful discussion at the end with Celestia urging Twilight to choose her own path.
This is probably my favorite of our selections this fortnight. Ferret has done an admirable job covering its intriguing bones and its pretty skin, so I suppose all that’s left for me is my perspective on it.
The basic premise—a character is split into two distinct subsets who are at odds with one another—could be and has been taken in very many different directions, and could be and has been screwed up any number of ways. A way that I feel “Second Sun” shines is in its balance and restraint in that regard: the greatest source of comedy in the story (Sleazelestia) is also the heart and main victim of a very regrettable, and ultimately, fairly sad situation, but despite all of that, author Carabas neither lets things get too ridiculous that the sadder undercurrent feels tacked on nor too depressing that the comedic side fails to entertain. The balance isn’t perfect, mind—particularly in that predominantly comedic parts of the story can feel a touch disjointed from predominantly serious ones (i.e. the shift can seem rapid, or at least it did to me)—but it was clearly well thought out.
In that vein, I think it’s safe to say that most all of the problems I do have with this story are highly subjective, “What if he’d done more with […]?”– or “I would have liked to have seen […].”–type things. Basically it was edited well enough that I was able to concern myself just with the story, and interesting enough that I sat thinking about said story for a while after I’d finished reading. Characterization was excellent most everywhere it needed to be, good pacing, fun style, und so weiter.
Again, Ferret did a fine job covering it all (especially so given that this is her first time out under our banner), so I think I’m probably just in the position of icing here, but I feel that this isn’t a story you’ll want to miss.
Little Pinkamina has a conversation with her older sister about her future in rock farming.
C-C-C-COMBO BREAKER!
All right, since that little varmint has skedaddled into a space too small for even my flexile fibers, it looks like I’m going to have to finish off with this review. And before you ask, no, I’m not terrified of the scuttling constructs known as “dust bunnies” which tend to infest such environs and cling, irrevocably, to discarded clothing like glue born of lint and hate. That has nothing to do with anything. Shut your face.
So, this one’s a cute one, as any fic starring a filly Pinkie would have to be. But this is a Pinkie before color was brought into her life, a sort of origin story for her origin story. This is Pinkie Pie Among the Rocks, with all the requisite trappings one could expect from that.
Now, the fandom loves to speculate on the origins of the show’s principal cast—to the point where, if you were to represent such narratives as socks, you’d have to contain them all in a drawer the size of the Titanic—but what really makes this one stand out is that it feels incredibly plausible. It’s a simple little parable, just a flicker in the life of its two tagged characters, but it nonetheless manages to cast its light into the future like a distant star. It feels true to both Maud and Pinkie, especially the latter, given its told from inside her head.
Yep, this is a first-person fic, and while the prose is very simple, this is not to its detriment. It’s the vocabulary of youth, with its casual observances and bare-faced method of describing them. From its opening sentence of “Hi,” this sounds like the voice of that sad little straight-haired filly we saw way back in “The Cutie Mark Chronicles.” It really helps sell the entire premise.
Is there any real deep soul-searching or delving into Pinkie’s tortured psyche? No. Again, this is a simple story about a simple child, who, unbeknownst to her, is never going to be contained to the simple life she currently lives. Simply put, that’s an entirely believable premise, and one which I’d recommend having a look at.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve still got some wascawwy fewwets to hunt...
Er, Sock? Where do you think Ferret…?
Retreating rodents (mustelids, whatever—I promise I’m not racist) aside, there’s one more gem tonight. A Hoof-ful of Dust’s “Like a Rolling Stone” was the shot of solid, slice of life goodness I always find myself needing.
The episode that introduces Maud Pie is one of my favorites in its season, though more for how much I wound up liking the character than for anything else. When a situation like the one in that episode (two characters have a pre-established relationship that the viewer is pretty much expected to take for granted) pops up in TV shows and movies, something that always tends to strike me is how empty a relationship between a character and his or her sibling/friend can feel—empty in that we’re coming in at these characters already being close without seeing any of the seminal moments in that closeness, even if we’re given an anecdote or two. This hit especially hard for me with Pinkie’s relationship with Maud (specifically in that direction), as it’s in Pinkie’s character to conceivably become close with anyone, so for all I’m made aware of, Pinkie’s relationship with Maud really could have been as simple as “this is a girl I lived with for a number of years” and Pinkie’s behaviour probably wouldn’t have changed any. It didn’t help matters that Maud wasn’t even hinted at existing before the season in which she appeared, unlike Pinkie’s other sisters.
“Like a Rolling Stone” goes a good way towards filling in that emptiness. We’re given a truly defining moment in the two sisters’ relationship, not to mention a defining moment for their characters in general. It’s a short piece (though carefully written—one, maybe two small problems?), so maybe I need to play the “little to say without spoiling anything” card twice this round. Lest I look as lazy as I feel, let me add that the style of this story is a sort that’s right up my alley, and one that you’ll probably find easy to appreciate: time isn’t wasted on description anywhere that it wouldn’t service the plot; the prose is a natural, logical chain of thought that gives a strong picture of Pinkie and where her mind’s at at this point in her life; and though though this story is packed with more real emotion than you might expect out of the show, it all still feels as though it fits right in.
This is certainly a story worth much more than what little of your time it’ll take to read.
Burraku floated idly by as Sock ran out of the room shouting bloody murder, a few bloody recipes, and bloody need-to-stop-by-the-store-to-pick-up-some-ingredients.
The other Angels, in the hall outside, were passing money around—apparently Plum had won the bet on what would happen, and he was wasting no time collecting.
“Guys?” the now-panther asked. “She’ll be back to fix me, right?”
The Angels started walking off to heat up some leftover pizza from Scotland, taking bets amongst themselves about what side dish Ferret might be served with.
“Guys…?”
Feel free to visit our group for more information and events, and to offer some recommendations for future rounds. See you all next time!
RIP in pepperonis, BP
You know, I went and looked this up because it seemed plausibly believable. I was met with only sadness.
2747789 He'll be fiiinee...I'm sure I'll get right on it...once I catch that shiny bead!
2747804 I'm sawry, I swiped it from this lovely story. Specifically this chapter. I loved the idea of Sock using something so incredibly unstable.
So Ferret dabbles in sorcery. Who knew?
What do you mean "fix?"
Is there any way to keep stuff like this (LIKE THIS but not this particular one because this is super awesome thank you Mr. Cage!) from clogging up my feed? (But if I have to block this one too then that's okay because I've already seen it and it was great!)
2747883
Of all the ways you could've asked, you picked one of the more dickish ones. These people work hard on their reviews! (One assumes...)
But I digress. Go into your Feed, click the Options button at the top, and switch off the thing that says 'Social Site Posts.'
2747883
Aye, that one post a fortnight really clogs it up, doesn't it?
But yes, there is:
i.gyazo.com/4070fd6225e6e723b279570baeb3b983.png
2747887
2747888
Don't tell them how to get rid of it. I want them to deal with seeing my beautiful avatar twice a month.
2747888
Awesome, thanks! I was looking all over for that. I knew it had to be somewhere.
2747887
Okay, I'll take it back, and retroactively change my question. There. Edited.
That's generally not a good sign.
And it's never a good sign when someone tells you that what they were doing was less legitimate than what you accused them of doing.
Wouldn't that be speciest?
So....Plum bet that Burraku Pansa would get turned into a panther on a cloud? That's...oddly specific.
So, I guess he's Burraku_Pantha now?
2747806
Yeah, I know. It showed me links to the story and that specific chapter. Thanks, Google! But now I wish it were real . . .
2747915
Ha! I don't have to deal with seeing your avatar at all. I use the mobile site.
But that's only because I currently have very little computer access...
Mad science, furry transformation, and ridiculously explosive chemicals. I approve of this product and/or service and wish to subscribe to your newsletter.
2748018
You use the mobile site but you can see/use spoilertext? WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!
2749034
As for using it, that's a simple matter with the [ spoiler ] tags. If you can't use the spoiler icon, you can always take the time to type it out.
As for seeing them, if your phone has a touch screen, all you have to do is tap on the black bar. I have no idea how it would work for phones without touch capability...
I also figured out how to properly embed YouTube videos from mobile devices.
I've never gotten that impression. Only one or two fanfics come to mind about Spike's parents. I think you meant "the show's principal pony cast", Sock.
2749562
Spoilertext on mobile has been broken for years, and it's one of the most common complaints about the site, but I just double-checked on my iPhone to make sure. The spoilertext above isn't tappable, nor does anything show up when it highlights. It's just a useless black box. If you've got some smartphone or tablet where that's not the case, I'd really love to know what makes it work.
That's the single biggest reason I don't bother doing FIMFic on my phone any more.
2749758
I'm not sure if this is relevant, but my phone uses an Android OS. (Version 4.1.2 according to my software information.) I've never had any problems with spoilertext...
Text also shows up for me when I highlight it. Here's a pic, just so you know I'm not trying to troll you:
i.imgur.com/GIUJST0.jpg
2749787
Argrhjghjhrgjhgrggrrr. Stupid iPhones, then.
mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/rsz/mlfw7478_small.jpg
2749835
I just thought of something else that may or may not be part of the issue. What internet browser are you using on your iPhone? (I use Google Chrome...)
2749686
i.imgur.com/2QQyYaF.gif
2750019 "the 7 main characters"
Whether or not the specific term "principal" technically applies, the situation is still skewed as hell in favor of those goddamn ponies.
2750036
Hey man, you know I love Spike. I was just making a crack at his expense, as is the norm of the show.
...
That's kinda depressing, now that I think about it.
Also, "principal cast" would include Spike, and thus any fics about him, as well as those about the Mane Six's origins, so the analogy still stands.
2750036
i.imgur.com/yDUKX66.png?1
2750051 No, no, Sock, that's not... You're supposed to say he's not part of the main cast, then support that with facts I already agree with so I—you're just doing it all wrong! Look, Plum knows how to irritate me, I'll talk to him.
2750182 That is the name of the franchise. The characters—and the name of the current gen, which is missing from your pic so as to highlight the franchise—are the important parts. I'm talking about the fandom's stalwart refusal to use him as often as the central characters (not the same thing as principal characters), when his stories could be damn interesting.
2750535 Just to add another voice to the mix, I sometimes find myself wondering if part of the issue is Spike is difficult to write for. He's a pony but he's not. He's a child but not. He's an adult but he's not.
He occupies a very nebulous middle ground that I've seen a lot of authors struggle with.
As for in the show, it's aimed at young girls, and young girls don't tend to be super into boys,
I wonder now, how many of you are susceptible to chasing a laser pointer.
2750794
I have it on good authority that both squirrels and helicoprions are endlessly fascinated by moving red dots.
Much obliged to SA for considering Second Sun worthy of promotion. Thanks especially to maskedferret and Bleck Panther for their comments.
I think it's good practice to leaven comedy with a note or two of something more serious - it can allow for a stronger narrative to emerge, and can accentuate the comedic elements by simple contrast. Not ideal for all situations and stories, of course, but in this instance, I'm glad people got something out of it.
2751064
It doesn't have to be a dot. What about helicoprions with laser beams?
2751657
Well, if that happens...
On second thought, that would spoil things. So I won't say
2751680
Dude, it's a thinly veiled reference to an old Mike Myers movie. Spoil away.
2751687
Wat
That's not what I was referencing.
2749758
it works fine on Android. Sounds like an iOS issue, not a mobile in general issue.
Yes she was. There was that photo of little Pinkie with little Maud way in a season 4 episode long before Maud's episode, plus Pinkie was mentioned as having a third sister in her G.M. Berrow book.
It looks like I've got two more for my list.