The Top 10 WORST Fanfics I Have Ever Read (Part 2) · 2:12am Jan 9th, 2015
Yesterday, I began to go over the top 10 worst fanfics I've ever read. So here's the second part and conclusion to this list of awful stories; and believe me, people, I saved the worst for last...
#5: Sweet Apple Massacre
Yep, we're certainly off to a pleasant start with this half of the list. If you thought Cupcakes was bad, then meet its spiritual successor. This fanfic has Big Macintosh graphically torture, rape, and kill the Cutie Mark Crusaders (in that order). What makes this far worse than Cupcakes is the obvious inclusion of multiple victims, rape, pedophilia, and incest. After Big Mac is finished with the CMC, the story ends with him inviting Applejack down into the basement where he killed them; thus implying that he plans to commit the same acts on her as well. It's been a while since I read this story but the most cringe-worthy part was when he gouged out an eye from one of the CMC and proceeded to shove his...er..."horsecarrot" into the wound. And why exactly does Big Mac commit these unforgivable acts? Because he was annoyed by the CMC making too much noise (that's the reason I recall him giving at least). Do I really need to explain any further as to why this story is so f*cked up? If you can write a story that makes the killing motives behind Pinkie Pie from Cupcakes and Rainbow Dash from Rainbow Factory look understandable, you know you've created one f*cked up tale. Needless to say, don't read this story. But if you think this is the worst fanfic on this list to feature the Cutie Mark Crusaders, you're wrong...
#4: Foalin' Around with the Cutie Mark Crusaders
It is quite often that people write fanfiction in order to let their...secret fetishes loose on their favorite characters. By this point, there are far too many fetishes to count; but most of them are harmless as they can only be achieved within one's own imagination. However, there is one fetish that can be achieved in both fanfiction and in real life; a fetish that I'm not very keen about, to say the least (and I'm sure a fair number of you will agree with me on this one): pedophilia. In my opinion (and, again, I'm sure more than a fair number of you will agree with me), committing sexual acts on a child is one of the worst things you can possibly do. Why am I talking about this? Well, the fanfic in question comes from the mind of a certain infamous MLP fanfic writer who has written multiple stories involving pedophilia; though I'm only aware of three. Foalin' Around with the Cutie Mark Crusaders was the first story from this author that I came across...and I'm convinced that this author's fetish may extend beyond the realms of fanfiction. The story is told in first person through the point of view of a man who has been accidentally brought to Equestria by Twilight (which is pretty much the go-to instigator for HiE stories it seems). In the story, the man is babysitting the CMC at Carousel Boutique. In graphic detail, the man bathes with the CMC (and practically molests them) and later does 69 with Sweetie Belle (who he's been ogling over throughout the entire story) in bed. Aside from the annoying jabs at Twilight and Rainbow Dash (the author calls Twilight "nerdy" in a patronizing way and it's apparent in this story and other stories that this author really hates Rainbow Dash, even to the point where he directly refers to her as "that bitch Rainbow Dash" in another story) and extreme OOC moments for the CMC (Sweetie Belle in particular), the story is filled with disturbing phrases that lead me to believe that this author may have an attraction to young girls in real life. One particular phrase that comes to mind is when he describes the bodies of the CMC as having "that delectable fleshiness of childhood". Ugh! I feel dirty just typing that! Oh, and let's not forget to mention that the author decided to remain human in this story. So, not only do we have pedophilia but we have beastiality as well. Aside from being a f*cking pedophile, the author (to me, there's no difference between the POV character in these stories and the author because I'm pretty sure the author's living out his darkest fantasies through these stories) is a complete asshole as he takes delight in the fact that he's getting away with f*cking children. In the sequel to this story, he does full frontal with Scootaloo. The third and final story I stumbled across from this guy involved him having drunk sex with Twilight; which, to be honest, is the lesser of the evils because at least he's f*cking a pony close to his age in that story. Apparently, there's more stories from this guy (one of which involves him raping Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon) but I don't plan to go searching for them because the three I stumbled across were enough to make me feel sick. Unfortunately, people, it only gets worse from here...
#3: Cloud Mows the Lawn
Time to move away from MLP and venture into the realm of Final Fantasy fanfiction. Now, at first glance, this story doesn't sound that bad, right? Cloud Mows the Lawn? How bad can a story with a title like that be? Ha ha ha ha HA! You have no idea. This fanfic is a four-chapter tale detailing the sexual escapades of Cloud and Tifa (who are husband and wife in this story), spanning from their own bedroom to a public restroom at the mall. Now, a fanfic about sex doesn't sound all that bad, right? Well, what if I told you that this story was pretty much the equivalent of Cloud and Tifa doing their own version of 2 Girls 1 Cup? You scared now? YOU SHOULD BE! Each sexual encounter always begins with Tifa having to take a dump. Something goes wrong (it gets stuck, she craps on the bedroom floor, etc), Cloud enters, and the two proceed to engage in disgusting feces erotica; which involves either playing with or even eating the...waste. But in case you're wondering, yes, Cloud does mow the lawn a couple times. This story is disgusting, plain and simple. The dialogue is hilariously awful, the actions the characters take make little to no sense (such as Tifa crapping on the bedroom floor because she can't make it to the bathroom), and the sex is just too graphic and appalling for words. Don't read this story unless this fetish appeals to you (if it does, we don't need to know) or if you really need to throw up for some reason.
#2: Timeless Lust
This fanfic was deleted some time ago but what it detailed hit me so hard in the childhood that it's pretty much been burned into my mind for all eternity. It was a Pokemon fanfic; and, no, it didn't involve beastiality (though the author in question did write another story involving Ash having sex with and impregnating a female Pikachu...who could talk like a gangster for some reason). Surprising, I know. What kind of Pokemon fanfic could be worse than one involving beastiality? How about a Pokemon fanfic involving pedophilia and incest?! The story was only a little over 1000 words long and it detailed a 10-year-old Ash Ketchum in 1998 having incestuous feelings for his mother Delia. In order to see his mom naked, he breaks down her bathroom door while she's taking a shower. The story goes on to have Delia reveal to Ask that she's been sexually attracted to him since she gave birth to him (that's pedophilia if I've ever heard of it...and, also, newborns are just so sexy, aren't they?). The rest of the story is a detailed description of Ash having sex with his mom coupled with hilariously awful dialogue. How anyone could find a story involving a ten year old having sex with his mother (and possibly impregnating her) erotic is beyond me. With me having been a huge fan of the Pokemon anime as a kid, this story really socked me hard in the childhood; and I'm sure I've just traumatized those of you who happen to be fans of the anime and/or Pokemon in general. If you're curious enough to hear the story in full (may God have mercy on your soul), a reading of it by the FanFic Critic is still up on Youtube. I'm not sure if I can link it here due to the NSFW restrictions in blogs but you should be able to find it easily by just searching "FanFic Critic Timeless Lust" on Youtube. Anyway, let's move on to #1...
#1: My Immortal
What they say is true, people. This is not only the worst Harry Potter fanfic of all time, it is the worst fanfic of all time. The "story" follows the Queen of Mary Sues: Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way, a 17-year-old vampire who is attending a gothtastic version of Hogwarts. The grammar is crap, every character acts OOC, Ebony is the unholy spawn from which all Mary Sues obtain their power, and there are numerous graphic sex scenes that come and go (pun intended) like clockwork. The story is such a jumbled mess that you could pretty much jump into the fanfic at any random point and "follow" it along as easily as you could from reading it from the beginning. Here, let's take a look at some notable quotes from this abomination, shall we?
We started tiling of each other’s cloves fevently. He took of my blak thong and my black leather bar. I took of his black boxers. Then……………………… he put his trobbing you-know-what in my tool sexily.
I cried sexily I just wanted 2 go 2 the commen room and slit my wrists with mi friends while we watched Shark Attak 3 and Saw 2 and do it with Draco but I knew I had 2 do somefing more impotent.
But den Draco looked at me sadly with his evil goffik red eyes dat looked so depressant and sexy. He lookd exactly like a pentragram (lol geddit koz im a satanist) between Kurt Cobain and Gerard. But then I looked at Vampire and he looked so smexy too wif his goffik black hair. I thought of da time when we screwed and the time I did it with Draco and Dumblydore came and the tame where Draco almost commited suicide and Vampire wuz so sportive.
“I luv u TaEbory.” he whispered sexily and den we fel aspleep lol.
And, believe me, that's only the tip of the tip of the tip of the tip of the iceberg. Overall, My Immortal is completely deserving of the title of Worst FanFic of All Time.
And that concludes my list of the top 10 worst fanfics I've ever read. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go read a Bad_Seed_72 story (I'm so glad that she came back into the fandom BTW) to cleanse my eyes of terrible fanfiction. Have a great day, everybody; and, fellow writers, let's pray we never write stories as bad as these.
Now that I know what 'My Immortal' is... I am deeply disturbed that someone thought I would actually rip storyline and characters from it... Seriously my first comment on one of my stories was "stop stealing plot and characters from my immortal". Why the hell would I do that?
So I was right. My Immortal is the worst fanfiction ever written. Thankfully, I've never read it. I've only heard about it here and there. And they all say it's the worst fanfiction ever written. But even just seeing you talk here about Timeless Lust was traumatizing!
Like that time I found out what The Human Centipede was about. I've heard of Sweet Apple Massacre but Foalin' Around with the Cutie Mark Crusaders really takes the cake! (Part of me still can't help but feel it's going a little too far to openly accuse an author of being a pedophile, but you do make a compelling argument.) Anyway, I feel terrible you've had to endure all this. But I respect you for enduring it. So, there's that.
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I know it may seem like I went a bit far there but you'd definitely understand where I'm coming from if you read the story in full.
Thank you.
But don't feel too terrible about me. I've learned to get over stuff like this fairly quickly due to my time on the internet.
I think that My Immortal is very amusing if you listen to a commentary or reading of it. Also I think the writers of it should be given an all around "Biggest waste of human thought" award.
Brendaniel suffering for us all.
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PS: This is the worst fanfic I've ever read. Not the worst grammatically or presentation wise, but this is the worst entire concept for a fanfiction.
THIS!
It's legitimately seven chapters of the author preaching his horrible morals on us. Reminds me of all the people who obsess over the Mysterious-Mare-Do-Well(Which thank god there isn't a chapter on) taken to the Nth degree.
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I'll have to take your word for it.
...excuse me I need to read some great comedy Fanfics after that. *boots up Dark Lords of Nerima and Big Human on Campus*
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I read a rage review for the fanfic you mentioned. From the quotes I saw in the review, it looked really awful. I certainly don't plan on reading it any time soon.
I feel somewhat disappointed that How I Became Yours isn't on the list, but all these fics are pretty hard to top in terms of terribad-ness.
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In all honesty, I wasn't even aware of that fan comic's existence until you linked that review of it in your comment. Even so, it probably wouldn't have ended up on the list anyway because I was talking about horrible fanfiction, not horrible fan comics.