Luna Reviews FIM S3: 11. Keep Calm and Flutter On · 2:38am Dec 23rd, 2014
Note: I would not be the least surprised if nobody is reading this entry, given the recent events. I am in fact only doing it as a way to keep my thoughts together, or perhaps to keep from thinking about what is really happening. Let me spend a moment to tell you that I know very little more than you do about what happened: The opening ceremonies of the Equestrian Games in Ponyville were interrupted by a human fanatic who attempted to assassinate Princess Celestia. He was stopped, but not before releasing the demon known as Tirek the Unstoppable upon Equestria. Tirek attempted to invade Earth, but was pushed back through the Portal after merely setting the single city of Pasadena aflame. And then the trans-world portal was destroyed, perhaps never to be reopened again. In light of these events, this cartoon is a laughable trifle. Nevertheless, I shall attempt to treat it seriously.
This season began with the return of a villain seemingly too dark for a children’s cartoon. Discord is no match for Sombra in the disturbing department, but the idea that he can be reformed is even more impossible to contemplate.
I will say though that this episode makes the best possible argument for that outcome. I don’t honestly think that it would be this easy if the same thing was attempted in the real Equestria, but I have been convinced that it may indeed be possible, something I wasn’t willing to contemplate prior to seeing this.
Of course, Discord was responsible for unspeakable crimes against equinity, torturing the innocent for multiple lifetimes. However, the sad fact of the matter is that beyond a certain level of importance, individuals are not allowed to suffer for their crimes, and I have a strong suspicion that the Discord of this series is going to assume such a purpose in the very near future. There’s only two more episodes to go.
Notes
00:00: My thoughts go out to all of the ponies on Earth who were watching this episode with me. In this small way, we are still together, just as I have been together with you in your dreams and nightmares these past two nights.
(Hope: Narcie thanks you profusely.)
00:11: Princess Celestia’s...no, I can do this. Princess Celestia is coming to Ponyville. Perhaps this has to do with Twilight Sparkle’s advanced magical training.
00:51: “That’s Discord”: No.
01:09: What...what in the world are you thinking, animators?
01:55: Wow. Is that the first time that Twilight has actually yelled at my sister, and in fact been completely justified?
(Hope: I think so! It’s a good sign of character development, showing her seeing her mentor make what she sees as a mistake, and standing up for it.)
02:00: “Your Majesty”. The real Twilight wouldn’t have gotten Princess Celestia’s title wrong.
(Hope: Would you hurt me if I started calling you “Your Majesty” just for fun?)
(Luna: We’re on Earth, Hope. You don’t have to call me anything. “Your Majesty” would just cause me to look around for whichever member of human royalty you were obviously calling instead of me.)
02:19: Pinkie Pie’s objection to Discord’s reign of terror was the lack of whipped cream to go with all the chocolate rain: Insert obligatory “Pinkie Pie has issues” line here. Also, my sister can handle just about anything with poise, can’t she? Oh! I’m going to need to pause the video for a bit….there, we can move on.
(Hope: It’s going to be okay, Luna.)
02:26: My sister thinks that she can use Discord’s magic, and that He can be reformed? That’s insane! After all of the things that that...monster has done? To who knows how many worlds across how many eons before Equestria? And to think of what He could do once He was released! He’d...He’d transform Humanity into his agents for destroying sense and happiness across the entire universe! How could, how could...Tirek. Discord is the only possible force that could have stood against Tirek. This episode has suddenly become very personal to me.
02:55: Spike offers to run very far away from Discord in order to maybe retrieve the Elements of Harmony: And this is about the point where Spike’s hitherto reasonable level of caution and fear shaded into outward cowardice. Can’t you leave the poor dragonling alone? For once?
03:05: Tia recommends Fluttershy for the job of reforming Discord: I stopped the playback for quite awhile to consider this, and I do believe this suggestion has merit. If Discord was capable of reform—and that’s a really big ‘if’—Fluttershy of all of the Bearers has the best chance of success with Him. He seemed to have a strange strain of sentimentality to Him, but not in any predictable way, and He was often prey to unbelievable bouts of cruelty when the mood befell Him.
(Hope: I am reluctant to say, but I have wanted to meet Discord for a long time now. I know, it’s a bad idea, but He still intrigues me.)
04:03: Fluttershy negotiates a truce between Applejack and a moody beaver: It’s nice to see the occasional moment to prove Fluttershy’s strengths—more than just animal communicator, but also mediator.
04:36: And Tia gets into her chariot...and high-tails it away from there at top speed, an act that could be interpreted in at least four different ways: Oh, Sister. Don’t ever change. And stop looking surprised at those times when a dragon or human punches you in the face.
05:19: The releasing spell: Oh, bad idea! Bad idea! The soundtrack backs me up on this!
(Hope: Again, an excellent soundtrack.)
06:17: Discord’s reaction to the plot against Him: This...is interesting. The turning of animals into brutish versions speaks to His annoyance, but the fact that He’s done nothing directly hostile shows that He’s amused by this. Discord is very easily bored, and will go along with practically anything that is novel. Either this plan has a chance of working, or He’ll end up a statue again, while Fluttershy will end up emotionally scarred for life.
07:19: Yeah, I didn’t think there was a chance that the Stare was going to work on Him.
09:00: Discord makes a Discord lamp: I would like that lamp. I would like that lamp to do...unspeakable things to. I had a Discord stuffed animal once. It was very therapeutic.
(Hope: You would... Oh, destroy it! Of course, yeah.)
09:26: Fluttershy comes up with a plan, while Angel frustrates himself trying to get to his couch: It’s not going to be easy, Fluttershy. And Angel, you should give up while the organs of your digestive system are still in the correct order.
11:47: Discord starts with the mind games on Fluttershy: I am amazed to find myself saying this, but Discord has just put Himself at Fluttershy’s mercy. Nopony knows mind games better than her—not to play them, but to resist them, and turn them back against her attackers. The Nightmare was actively afraid of her by the end.
(Hope: Really? The episode with... Well, I guess they might have left some stuff out. I’ll have to read up on that.)
11:50: Angel plummets from the sky in the background, accompanied by a muted Wilhelm Scream: Thanks episode. I need every bit of levity I can get.
15:57: Fluttershy turns against Rainbow Dash and the other Bearers: If this was anypony other than Fluttershy, I’d think that Discord had won in tearing the group apart. But I’m willing to see what her next move is. Err…”action”, not “move”. “Move” implies guile. This is more like anti-guile.
16:05: “Because that’s what friends do”, and Discord’s reaction: Yes!
16:18: “I’ve never really had a friend before”: I had to think long and hard about this, and at least according to Discord’s twisted perceptions, I suppose that statement could be said to be true. Befriending Him was never an option that was open to us.
(Hope: Which is really sad.)
18:32: Fluttershy promises never to use her Element against Discord: I am speechless. I know what she’s doing, but this is far, far beyond anything I would dare do. She must be unshakably confident in their friendship.
19:41: “Not. Your. Friend!” “Who cares!”: Wait for it…
20:02: “Because if I don’t I’ll lose the one friend I ever had?”: Ha! Victory!
(Hope: Victory for Awesomeshy!)
21:01: Tia publicly expresses her trust in the newly-reformed Discord, only to semi-privately tell Twilight that she’s leaving the Elements with them, in earshot of Discord: That’s being a bit too clever by far. If Discord truly decided to turn on the Bearers at this point, He could act far faster than they would be able to act, no matter where the Elements were placed. And by exhibiting this duplicitous behavior, it encourages all of the other Bearers to distrust Discord. I see this decision having bad consequences in the future.
21:35: “He can be a real sweetheart, once you get to know him!” and my sister’s reaction: Yeah, she is so going to regret this. Except for the part where He would have saved Equestria from Tirek. Oh, this episode is useless!
Chat with Narcie (and Hope)
Luna: To begin with, don’t think that the subject of this chat has to be anything to do with the latest episode. I’ve been trying to get in contact with all of the ponies stranded on Earth during this crisis, and this is simply the most convenient method to get in contact with you.
Narcie: And we are here for you, Princess! We know that you are doing everything you can! No matter what that stupid human said! I bit him!
Hope: I had to bail Narcie out for simple assault, someone at the supermarket started ranting about how you could have stopped it all if you were there, he obviously doesn’t know much about Tirek.
Narcie: And I’d bite the idiot again if I had to!
Hope: I’m glad we had that talk about different types of assault. No magic, equals less punishment.
Narcie: Oh, and to any Earthside ponies reading this, yeah I probably should have had a reasoned debate with that plothole, but I was a bit emotional at the time. Don’t follow my example.
Luna: Well, I’m glad to see you didn’t get into too much trouble. Also, it’s good that the two of you have each other to lean on. I have the utmost confidence that some combination of my sister and the Elements of Harmony will be enough to see Equestria through this.
Narcie: It better! I’m going to have words with them, making you all worried like this!
Hope: I think you’re projecting a bit, Narcie.
Luna: Well, all we have to do now is wait. Wait and I suppose plan the inevitable victory party. I imagine McPoodle will have something magnificent planned. I’m...feeling a smidgen of regret for sending him to Equestria now. He only got me pilloried in the press—I can do that to myself far too easily. I suppose he can keep the others busy—he’s so very good with the banter after all, and...I miss the idiot.
Narcie: I bet he caused all this somehow! Scheming crazy human!
Hope: Narcie!
Narcie: Sorry, I just... Just McPoodle...
Hope: You’ve only ever met the man over skype, calm down. Everything’s going to be okay.
Narcie: But it doesn’t feel okay...
Luna: Not even McPoodle’s that foolish, Narcie. So, I assume the two of you are in comfortable circumstances. Are you aware of any Equestrians on Earth that are in need of any assistance?
Hope: I’ve been gathering names and situations as best I can, here is the latest list of priorities:
Jazz Dancer—Had a panic attack when she heard the news, might need help paying for medical bills.
Merry Malt—Appears to have fallen off the wagon since the news, but is coping. He might need some comforting but I’ve directed help toward him.
Grace—Missing since the news, took off flying, noone has seen her since. She might be headed toward the portal to hold vigil but her friends are worried.
November Rain—Took the same route as Narcie here, attacked a human who was ranting about the damage dealt, though she tossed a chair, and is currently awaiting a hearing for aggravated assault.
Hope: The rest are minor, or just in need of comfort. Knowing that you are okay and that we don’t think Celestia was badly injured helps a lot.
Luna: Thank you for that news. I will do what I can for them. Know now that, until the Portal is opened, I am the acting ruler of the Equestrians on Earth, and that the Earth governments have granted me leave to do anything any Earth ruler in a similar circumstance would be granted. I have set up shelters around the world for those that were merely here on vacation, and have leant my guard to assist with relief efforts in Pasadena. My arms are open, figuratively and literally, to comfort all those in need. And hugs always are in short supply, I have found.
Narcie: Can we stop by tomorrow for hugs, princess? I...I’m not taking this well...
Hope: It’s okay. We can go hug Luna. Oh, how is Pasadena doing, by the way?
Luna: The fires are out, and the homeless have been given shelter. The area has been declared a “federal disaster area”, which has some bureaucratic meaning that I cannot fathom besides stating the obvious. The humans have a strong infrastructure for handling tragedies such as these. And yes, please come by the embassy at your earliest convenience. I welcome every friendly face nowadays.
Hope: I figure that friends need friends in this sort of occasion. Also, Luna, who exactly is Tirek? Narcie has told me a bit about him, but it’s mostly from old horror stories.
Luna: Tirek is a monster from the earliest days of ponydom. A being that feeds on magic, and lives for the suffering of others. But horrible as he is, Tirek has been defeated in the past, through guile and through friendship the two times he has attacked us in the past, and so he will be defeated and imprisoned again once more.
Narcie: And then we will have a huge party... Do you think Celestia will be giving out hugs too?
Luna: I’ll be sure to ask her to give you one, as a special favor to her favorite sister.
Hope: Hee-hee... You’ll get princess hugs, Narcie, and then you’ll see your brother, and everything will be fine. I suppose we should at least address the episode, right? How could Discord have stopped Tirek?
Luna: Tirek’s ability is to absorb magic grows as he grows. When he was first released, he was too weak to absorb the magic of my sisters or the Elements directly. But Discord’s magic is so strange that I’m certain Tirek could not absorb it no matter how powerful he became. There are rumors that Tirek attempted an invasion of Equestria between the two that are well known, but that he was so easily defeated by King Discord that he’s ashamed to let anyone know of his humiliation.
Hope: King Discord?
Narcie: Yeah, he called himself a King, so stupid. Everyone knows Princesses outrank Kings.
Luna: That’s what I keep telling the human kings and queens, and they always give me the strangest looks when I do so...
Narcie: Well, gender roles are reversed here. The hierarchy goes Kings at the top, then Queens, then Princes and finally Princesses. Women in our world have historically been barred from positions of power, even when they are more qualified than the men. Queen Elizabeth is only Queen because there were no male heirs at all besides her, they had all died.
Luna: Is that so? I had no idea! I suppose I shall have to start wearing trousers, if I expect to garner any respect. Do you think tan would be a good color on me? Or perhaps tartan?
Hope: Don’t you dare! Heh, we need every strong female figure we can get, and you fit the bill like no other.
Narcie: Is that really what it’s like for males in Equestria? It can’t be that bad, there’s Prince Blueblood. Well. Everyone wants him to shut up, but he exists!
Hope: Let me put it this way. Why does everyone want Blueblood to shut up?
Narcie: Because he is stupid. Abrasive. Arrogant.
Hope: Okay, and what exactly has he done to show that he is these things?
Narcie: He practically dragged Rarity through the mud, he rarely gets anything done, I’m sure with some records I could make a long list.
Hope: Okay, and has Luna ever done any of those things?
Narcie: What, laze around and humiliate suitors?
Luna: I don’t drag ponies through mud. Well, there was McPoodle that one time. But he’s not a pony. And he _really_ deserved it. As for suitors...well, I haven’t had any in awhile, but if I did, I would treat them nicely, even if it was to tell one that I wasn’t interested.
Hope: Okay, so let’s use McPoodle as an example.He deserved a bit of roughing up, and if he had been swooning after you, you would be under no real compulsion to reciprocate, or do anything but rebuff him, right? All I am saying is, if Blueblood was part of the dominant gender, then he would be seen differently. That’s how it is for women on earth. Female politicians are held to an absurd standard, their sex lives and dress code scrutinized, while there are male politicians who have been convicted of heinous crimes and are still serving in office.
Narcie: I guess.
Luna: Hrmm...now I definitely have to apologize to the oaf. I mean, he hasn’t said one thing about the ways I flagrantly abuse my control of his accounts while he’s gone.
Hope: Yay for equal treatment! I guess!
Luna: And, well, that part about being guilty of “heinous crimes” hits a bit close to home for me.
Hope: Oh f...
Narcie: Bad Hope, no accusing Luna of heinous crimes even if she admits to them! Can we come over and get hugs now? Like, I know it’s late but Hope said there’s a place called Dennys that serves food 24 hours. Like... How is that even possible? It must be crewed by robots, so let’s come over, get hugs, and go to the robot restaurant.
Luna: Yes! Robot food for everypony! And pony friends.
Hope: Goodbye computer! We will be over shortly.
Narcie: See you soon, Luna!
I feel as though I am missing a considerable bit of backstory/context here.
What is going on with the Tirek thing? Is that in a story I didn't read?
Great review, but god I hated and still hate this episode.
Was it ponies or humans who pushed Tirek back from Pasadena? I could see it going either way. On the one hand the ponies have magic and have shown themselves capable of fighting Tirek off before. On the other humans are very good at this whole fighting thing and we do have lots of very powerful weapons. A portal might even be a good place to put some experimental weapons which aren't quite ready for general usage.
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Me: Drama! Off-screen drama, but drama nonetheless. I've been hinting that the Equestrian Games would take place this past weekend, and now I've suddenly sprung a terrorist plot and Tirek rampage, to keep the last few reviews in this series interesting. Can you tell that I was beginning to get bored?
I'm willing to help any stranded pony!
OOC: Dang McPoodle! You don't mess around. I guess this is a set up for the season 4 finale huh?
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Thank you for your help, Fizzy. It's been a horrifying event all around, but the ponies of Earth really are sticking together. It's a beautiful thing.
Never change, McPoodle.
are we ever going to get home, princess?
I'm scared.
Okay, I know I have a few bit of time off gathered from work. What do you need? Any colts and/or fillies in distress? I can work on getting some toys over to them, just need to get something going. Like I said before I work at a toy store and I think we can pull something together for those trapped on this side. Looks like my application will be on hold. Still, I can say that Pasadena will be in good hands, the Army Corps of Engineers should already be on site and helping rebuilt and recover what can..
Sorry my hands are shaking and, yeah the whole work ground to a halt. The news and the media, I saw the portal collapse live on TV, I cannot forget those things. I just hope this was a lone wolf, if it was an organization, then I hope the might of the United States fall upon their heads.
I better stop that there, I wish only to focus on what I can anyone I can talk to, how can we help? Humans have a reputation of being masters of war. We are also when the time comes the most generous. The most helpful and rebuilding. So, what can I do to help? Work called, I got two weeks off the help with the Toy Convoy, loading my car with the toys I can and will drive. Just let me know where you want me to deliver it. My go to place will be the embassy, and by all means for security you can check and stop the car however far away as needed, I just want to help where I can.
OOC: I wrote this in one go trying to go off how the IC Character would be... so it is raw and unedited for that purpose.
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Thank you both for your kind offers, especially the toys, Mr. Brony. I'm sure they will be appreciated. I'll get in contact with you over PM with details.
Me: Err...no, I won't, because I have no details to give, but you can pretend that she did.
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Yes, yes you are going to get home, Pilcrow, you and everyone else who wishes to return to Equestria. Everything will be better soon, I'm sure of it.