Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell FUCK · 10:44am Dec 5th, 2014
Well ain't Christmas just the best fucking season ever. Oh, wait. It's not.
At least for me, I don't know about you. Maybe you're like, this starry-eyed whimsical kind of person who believes in the Spirit of Christmas© and how its A Time for the Family©, and if that's the case then look, more power to you. That's pretty awesome. You go, girl.
But in my case, Christmas means having to visit all the members of my family, and I'm pretty sure my family is like, the retarded cousin of the Mafia, because this is not normal. Like, I love them and all that jazz but fucking Christ, man. It's not like they hate each other, it's that they're midly annoyed by each other.
Which is far worse, because at least when you hate somebody else you're like, clenching fists, and swearing revenges, and maybe falling in love with some random daughter out there and having a dashing adventure while discovering love and rock'n roll. Annoyance means that they go "yeeeah your Uncle Ruffalo is cool, but you can't really trust him! Once he asked me if he could borrow your uncle's donkey, and I said, yes, and when he turned it back the donkey had been raped! Raped! Who the fucks rapes a donkey?!" And no offense, but I've heard that same stupid story a hundred times already. They never let anything go, and whenever they get offended they make amends with petty revenges (like raping the other's parrot, for example), which offends the other, who also gets a petty revenge, and OH MY GOD THIS NEVER STOPS.
Like, think I'm exaggerating? My 92 y/o grandma is explaining me in excruciating detail RIGHT NOW how my mother's mother once told her the dress she was wearing was pretty when clearly, it wasn't. What a fiend. I'm writing this while nodding and saying "sure, grandma", and she won't shut up, and oh dear Lord please kill me already.
So yeah. Hate Christmas. Like, it's the worst time of the year for me -- on top of everything I just said, I hurt my arm again (it's a chronic injury, so there's little I can do about it -- it gets worse like once a year or so) so I can't even write as much as I'd want to. And man, I really want to write.
For starters, I'm still working on that heist fic, and I'm actually really close to the ending, so not being able to finish it in one go sucks a lot. I'm also working on a collab with Pearple Prose (if you know that guy, you'll know a collab with him will end up being pretty high-quality-ish, because even though he's a lazy bastard, he knows what he's doing) and then a completely different collab with MrNumbers (if you know that guy, you'll know a collab including me and him is doomed to be absolutely fucking stupid, and thus GLORIOUS).
So that's three stories. But wait! There's more!
RainbowBob came one day to Skype and, out of the fucking blue, gave me a pep talk so inspiring my scrotum turned into a keytar and I started playing Take On Me with the neighbour's bulldog. That was fucking weird. But yeah, he WAIT A FUCKING SECOND WHAT IS MY GRANDMA DOING BRB
Okay back. Turns out she's bored so she randomly started cleaning the house. I made her sit down again, because holy shit, grandma, you're 92. Calm down. Wait she's talking about how some random cousin once stole a chicken. That'll keep her busy.
What was I saying? Oh, yeah. RainbowBob and I had a little talk, in which he showed me two things: First, I'm leagues behind him (I already knew that). Second, in real life he's not a sentient sponge (that was a surprise). And then he told me I should go back to original fiction. And so I did!
So I'm working on four different stories at the same time, not counting college work. All of that, with a hurt arm and my family yapping in my ear. Sigh.
But hey, at least this ind of stress is giving me a lot of inspiration. I doubt I'll ever get to write down all the ideas that come to mind lately (Example: Ice Cool, the OC whose problem is that he's way too fucking awesome to have any kind of meaningful relationship or fulfilling life. His father was a shark, which is cool. His mother was two sharks which is so much cooler. He's in absolute despair and seeks help, but nobody can help because they're too busy high-fiving him.) But, look, at least I know the well is not dry yet.
So yeah. Go me. Now, if you excuse me, I gotta talk with my granny and insult a lot of people I have never met in my life. Seeing how old the woman is, chances are they're all dead by now. Sigh.
I'd wonder how that was possible, but I don't think that I'm cool enough to understand it.
Dude, there's passive aggressive grudges, and then there's a pet-raping feud. Not that I would let somebody tell me my dress is pretty when it ain't. Step to me with that bullshit and I'm gonna at least give your dog the creeper stare.
You know, I too had similar problem with Christmas, because I really wanted to keep spirits up, but mass amount of hard feelings for the last 40 years between various members of my family made it difficult. Then I just redefined family as people who I really care and respect - some blood family some just friends. I make point of meeting with possibly greatest number of them giving (and receiving) gifts, wishes and tales of the past year. After few meetings like that before Christmas Eve, I can keep my sanity and nod my had for mass group family meeting.
So in conclusion... Merry Christmas?
I love it when people hate Christmas just because of such pettiness like family. Such a holy day has been washed into a tree-loving, give me my damn presents, and cookies, and I guess annoying families. Such is the way of the world.
As for me? Well, I ain't got family with me this year, not because they don't love me, but because their gone. Two sisters. Gone. Has this broken my "Christmas spirit?" No. Do I care about the presents under my tree? No. Do I care about the whole "Christmas Spirit?" There is none so No. What do I care about then? Spending time with my only family left. My parents and my brother. There. Call me what you wish.
2635157
Eh. I already said that more power to you if you still enjoy this time of the year. Didn't want to be harsh or anything, brah.
As for me, I'll continue my slow but steady transformation into Ebenezer Scrooge. I only hope money comes with the soulcrushing loneliness, because otherwise I'm in for a fucking ride.
2635161 Well, I just have never understood pettiness. I hear more hate for Christmas than not. But, I guess if you celebrate Christmas just because the word "holiday" is stamped on it, I can see it being annoying. There is nothing to celebrate on Christmas unless you're a Christian. Now that I think about, why do non-Christians even celebrate it? Why celebrate Easter? Fascinating.
My family, on my mom's side, is the exact opposite of yours. They all love each other and spend time outside of just holidays with each other and call each other on a regular basis. So, random strangers, in my family, show up and just start talking to me and I have no idea what to say because I don't know them, but they just start talking about stuff. Also, I'm really sick of people asking me how school's going because that's the only question anybody knows how to ask.
My family, on my dad's side, is also not very much like yours. They're all mellow and quiet, so everybody just kind of sits in the same room together, but don't say anything to each other. Holidays over there are long and boring, but they're nice people.
Both sides of the family are horrible gift givers. For, basically, the first nine years of my life, I received a Barbie doll from my uncle. I have never liked Barbie dolls and never use them. And, it wasn't even just normal Barbie dolls. He went and bought me the mermaid and fairy princess ones, so they're the most girly things, ever, and that's coming from a girl. After some urging from my mother, he finally decided to get me something new. On my tenth birthday, he bought be a pack with lotion, body wash and perfume. It was something like lavender jasmine. I was ten and he bought me lotion. Not even some kiddish one like cotton candy. It really was a flop. My cousins, at least my most direct cousins, also suck at getting gifts because they don't know anything about me. I've spent a decent amount of time with my cousin Kristin, but she is horrible at picking out gifts, for me. She got me a make-your-own purse, last year, and a glass ash tray because it looked pretty. And, Michael didn't even really get me presents, just wrote his name on another card, until he got married. His wife, now, makes sure that they give everyone presents. But, she's kind of stuck-up and I don't really like her. I got a Victoria's Secret shirt and a gift card to Bath and Body Works. My dad's side has no idea what they're doing and just go to Walgreens and buy us the toys they see on the shelves. I'm convinced that some of them are dog toys. Why, at 13, would I want a stretchy caterpillar toy that lights up when you throw it? Sad, really.
We don't exactly have tremendous amounts of money around, so I have to seek out non-expensive gifts. And, I try really hard to find things, spending hours just to find 10 things, and she denies many of them, saying that she doesn't want to waste money on this or that this is too expensive. I really like plushies and stuff, but she just says that I could make them, on my own, so there's no reason why she should spend 15 dollars on this Discord, plush bookmark I really wanted. If it's not below 10 dollar, it's like she won't even get it. It's just really limited. I can only get crappy things for that price. Most of the stuff I want is around $20.
But, because both my sister and I want it, I'm getting the PS3. The PS3, mind you, and not the PS4 because it's less expensive, has existed long enough to already have a bunch of things that can be used on or with it, and I can play the games I want on it.
Also, this comment was about the size of your whole blog post. I guess I just needed to rant. Well then.
I dunno. Seems far more expedient to just kill your Grandma.
She's had her time on this Earth. Time for her to shove off. The only way to bury the hatchet with her would be to bury the hatchet in her, so, c'est la mort.
2635336
Good luck doing that. Woman's been practically raised by wolves. There's this look she has whenever she kills a chicken -- you know she's thinking something like "the only reason why this is not you is because I am in a good mood today."
There's a reason why she's outlived all her enemies.
*Slowly, sheepishly raises hand.*
Wait, is not your mother's mother your grandmother? Or was that your father's mother speaking?
A heist fic, eh? That sounds interesting. I am so looking forward to reading that.
Yes, it is. Because it means his father had a menage a twat with his mothers. Giggity!
2635179 It's pleasant to have something to celebrate and be happy/be able to complain for not being happy, and even if you could invent a holiday for yourself/family and friends who are also non-Christian and non-religion-that-doesn't-have-a-major-Winter-holiday, it's easier to just go along with everyone else. I mean, atheists don't have any traditional holidays, but they like celebrating stuff as much as anyone else.
2635161
That really got a reaction out of me. I've never thought of it like that before.
Also, how long has Heistfic been planned? I know when it was made because of the Gdoc, but I have no idea when the first bits started to join together with the elegance of a train wreck.
LIES! LIES AND SLANDER!