Enough already... · 12:29am Oct 19th, 2014
Im so tired. I cant take much more of this. I cant cry any more, my head aches so badly i feel about to be sick....All i wanted was to not feel so alone. But ive learnt....i can cry all i want, theres nopony to turn to. My own family...just look right through me, when i try to tell them whats wrong, they don't hear me.
I've studied it time and again, i KNOW Autism is a neurological problem, connections in the brain don't form properly. I KNOW it cant be fixed, that ill always be this way. Yet i just WISH i didn't have this problem. My parents...grew up in a period of time where having a mental disabled child was...a disgrace. Im an embarrassment to them. Its only gotten weirder since i started liking MLP. Silly filly fool that i am, i showed them this precious new hobby, only for them to tear it apart. Seeing that angry look on their faces...
...and now, the one thing that keeps me happy, is failing bit by bit. I know its just a computer to some ponies...but to me...its so damn MUCH. Its the one thing im good at, it does everything...email, music, video, games...photoshop, my fanfics....i watched the poor machine laboring to get anything done recently.
I...there was a case, involving disability funding...awarded..the point is...i have enough atm, to buy a new PC, straight off, no credit-plan. But if i do this, my parents will likely (figuratively) lynch me. Im an adult, but because my mental nature is like a childs at time,s they barely let me have a say in my own life. If i do this, they'll give me so much grief, but i feel it has to start now...i just have this feeling i need to start this now...
*hug*
Well... Good luck.