Important Literary Review · 2:48am Sep 19th, 2014
So, I got Trixie this set of twelve little MLP board books (One each for the mane six (Twilight's is called "Twilight Sparkle & Spike,") Princess Celestia, Ponyville, and The Crystal Empire, and ones called "The Magic of Friendship," "Cutie Marks," and "Winter Wrap Up.") Each one is 5 pages and 5-6 sentences long. A lot of it is typical baby book writing, but there are a few weird choices.
For example, this is the "Fluttershy" book. (The whole thing.):
Fluttershy is friend to all the forest animals. She loves beautiful butterflies, too.
She sings Like a bird, just like her pretty feathered friends.
Angel is her pet bunny and favorite critter buddy.
This little bunny loves her.
Angel knows that Fluttershy is a good friend to everyone in Ponyville.
So, apparently there are only three sentences worth of things to note about Fluttershy, since the rest is about her relationship with Angel. None of the other ponies pets are even mentioned. (Except Spike. Just kidding!) and Fluttershy's is half of her book. Just sayin'.
"Rainbow Dash," on the other hand:
Meet the little pony who always has her head in the clouds!
She’s the pony who dares to dream of leaving everyone in her jet stream.
Yes indeed, it’s the peppy and ever-popular Rainbow Dash.
Rainbow Dash hopes to make a splash by flying with the famous Wonderbolts.
See if you can catch this colorful and powerful pegasus pony!
While all of them could be read this way, for some reason everything about Rainbow Dash’s screams 1940s propaganda newsreel to me. Like they’re introducing the new pegasus Air Force units to go fight the nazis and picked Dash as the poster girl.
And speaking of propaganda newsreels:
Princess Celestia is a wise and kind ruler.
Some say this magical princess is over a thousand years old.
Princess Celestia uses her powers to make the sun shine over Ponyville.
Her sister, Princess Luna, raises the moon.
These powerful princesses make the days in Ponyville bright, and help the little ponies sleep well at night!
I love how coy that line about her age is. Some say she’s over a thousand, but most ponies agree she doesn’t look a day over 850.
Regarding "Ponyville," we have:
Let’s saddle up and take a trip through Ponyville.
We’ll start with the sweetest spot in town, SugarCube Corner. It’s where Pinkie Pie plans her parties.
Twilight Sparkle has taken quite a shine to the Golden Oak Library. She reads, studies, and even sleeps there.
You’ll find the fabulous Rarity inside the Carousel Boutique. Fashionistas love her designs.
No tour of Ponyville is complete without a pit stop at Sweet Apple Acres.
First of all, it might be a typo, but I feel the the writer here couldn’t decide if it should be Sugarcube Corner or Sugar Cube Corner, which I sympathize with.
Twilight’s line is weird to me. Mentioning that she sleeps there without mentioning that she lives there makes me think that she sleeps in a corner like a homeless pony.
And finally… okay, I don’t have a way to show you guys this right now, but the picture on the last page is of Applejack standing on her rear legs with hat in hooves, looking at the reader. She’s in front of a gazebo type thing, and inside is a table with tablecloth and all these fancy looking trays. It looks for all the world like she’s waiting on a date, and paired with that line…
Maybe tomorrow I’ll comment on some more stuff, like the weird plots-without-action that make up "Magic of Friendship" and "The Crystal Empire," and get some pictures to show some of the good, bad, and ugly of the art in here. (Which is mostly the stock vectors over backgrounds, but some of the backgrounds are different from the show, and some of the vectors are ones I’ve never seen.)
Feel free to discuss, or write your own five sentence MLP books in the comments!
It's not hard to imagine Twilight Sparkle curling up to sleep in the corner of a library. Do you think she ever got in trouble for sleeping in the Canterlot Archives during her school years?
Ponyville book's editor double failed.
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I could easily see that. Mostly because Celestia would have had to send the guards to find her, and that's a lot of library to search.
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Nah, it was my typing. There's a kid on my lap.
Proof that even the creators of licensed pony stuff know Angel Bunny is more interesting than Fluttershy.
I always found the writing in what are ostensibly baby books to be an unfortunate mixture of sinister and insultingly insipid. I mean, yes, they are for young children, but that just means to me that they ought to be the very best they can possibly be. You have the sacred duty to write something like the very first book someone will read (or rather have read to them). That sounds like something that ought to be taken seriously.
I remember being fobbed of with some books of roughly that nature when I first went to the library on my very own—I was four, and couldn't be seen from behind the counter. I remember how peeved I was at the time. I had wanted some other book. Erich Kästner, I seem to recall, though I can't remember which one.
Five sentence MLP books, eh?
this was a very important review, and it makes me really happy. I hope your choice in literature makes Trixie happy as well.
I'll do mine in Haiku.
Guys, remember when
Redemption arcs didn't work?
Good Discord is lame
I wonder something:
Why isn't AJ batman?
Her parents are dead.
Hasbro, please stop this.
You don't need to make new toys.
Goddamn princess shit.
Alright, alright. I'm done.
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I want your book illustrated.
Now all I can think of is that Twilight Sparkle was actually granted a home in Ponyville, something of the proper station for friend of royalty. She's never seen it because she got to the library, saw it came with it's own bed, and decided to never leave.
...and her assigned house is now where Scootaloo lives because she saw a perfectly good house that nopony was using that had a paid-for housekeeper, and why does my brain come up with these ideas?
Here, I wrote one:
Shipping Goggles
These ponies are friends, but sometimes friends fall in love.
Ponies in love help each other.
Ponies in love fight with each other.
Ponies in love stand next to each other.
Pick two ponies who are in love! The rest of them are just friends, no matter what it looks like.
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Yes please
I'm sorry, but the way you wrote that bit about Celestial propaganda, it sounded like Clarkson in my head.
Some say that she's over a thousand years old, and that her castle is built on a foundation of asiago cheese. All we know is, she's the Princess.
Some say she banished her sister to the moon, and that her rump has its own gravitational vortex. All we know is, she's the Princess.
Some say she turned her student into an alicorn, and that she is unable to tell the difference between apples and oranges. All we know is, she's the Princess.
Book burning isn't only an excellent way to suppress information, it can also keep you warm at night.
Someone needs to write this.
It's good to see that they're introducing the advanced meteorological terms early these days.
1940s Propaganda Newsreel, eh?
Citizens of Equestria! A new threat rises in the east! Over the mountains, the Griffin Empire builds its armies and takes to the skies! Who will defend our freedoms?!
Why look! It's the WONDERBOLTS! Lead by the famous Equestrian Ace, Admiral Spitfire, the Wonderbolts defend the common pony from the oncoming Griffin War Machine!
And who is that, leading the charge on the ground? Why, it's CAPTAIN EQUESTRIA AND HER BRAYING COMMANDOS! Taking on the hardest targets, going where no other pony dares to tread, the BRAYING COMMANDOS take the fight to Grif!
CAPTAIN EQUESTRIA! A secret serum has turned this frail bookworm into a superpowered ALICORN WARRIOR PRINCESS!
RAINBOW DASH! The fastest, fearless-est flyer ever to take to the sky! She'll drop the Grifs with LIGHTNING SPEED and coordinates movement with the Wonderbolts!
APPLEJACK! An expert in guerrilla warfare and survival techniques, Applejack is out there fighting for YOU, the dedicated farmers who form the backbone of a strong Equestrian economy!
RARITY! Hailing from the Braytish Isles, she is no less dedicated to the FREEDOM! And EQUALITY! Of all ponies! Her quick wit, eagle eyes, and technical know-how are second to none!
FLUTTERSHY! Though she may not seem imposing, this Mistress of Misdirection is an essential part of the BRAYING COMMANDOS! Personally responsible for the success of over TWELVE raids upon the Griffin strongholds, she goes deeper into enemy territory than anypony else!
PINKIE PIE! Don't let this pink pony's playful party-planning presentation provide poor perceptions, PINKIE PIE is the BRAYING COMMANDOS' ace in the hole! Possessed of a positively preternatural ability to detect and avoid danger, Pinkie Pie also has the rare ability to think not just outside the box, but outside of any container whatsoever! None of Grif's clever traps will fool THIS pony!
ENLIST TODAY! Help CAPTAIN EQUESTRIA AND HER BRAYING COMMANDOS defend YOUR family!
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"Curling up" implies that she doesn't just collapse on top of her book.
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*SNRK*
Twilight Sparkle does not sleep.
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Funny you should mention that - I actually have a Wonderbolt Rainbow Dash as Rosie the Riveter poster in my dorm room right now. It's like the perfect mashup for a history/mlp nerd.
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It's pretty awesome imagining Rainbow Dash's little book being narrated by that old 40s announcer voice.