Feedback wanted on The Chase · 4:24pm Jun 2nd, 2014
How do you feel about the story so far as a whole?
How do you feel in particular about the new Shetland Isles arc?
Do you feel the relationship between Bucky, Derpy, and Berry is balanced? Or does this need work?
How do you feel about Thistle?
The unnamed colt?
Keg Smasher? Especially now that it is revealed that he is a mass murderer with Celestia's full backing. Think about that for a moment.
How do you feel about the state of life on the Isles with what little you have read so far?
How do you feel about Lyra and Bon Bon?
Rising Star and Sparkler?
Dinky and Pina, and the obvious shift in the story focus so more of it is about them?
Good well rounded opinions can help me make the story better, so thank you for your time. I am so very glad to have you as a reader on this epic.
I dub thee Courier, and so it shall be in my mind until he is given one in canon.
Lucky told me there was a kelpie involved, and though he would not say what she was doing, I guessed fairly well why she was mentioned. So far, her character is a wonderful contrast to the rest of the cast, if a bit too emotional, but I suppose that has its place.
Nothing wrong with a bit of killing every once in a while, as it's often necessary in a brutal existence like the Shetland Isles. So long as he kills to prolong peace and improve the lives of his ponies, I see no problem with his actions.
I would say I love this story so far, I watched a movie, that had the ratings: 4.2. I would call that movie trash compared to this fic. The relation ship seems well balanced between Bucky Berry and Derpy. and Thistle, idk, she seems like a nice soul, she just needs some help. And the unnamed colt is just trying to help, so I guess he is a nice character. And Keg Smasher. I think it was wrong to kill the wives, they just married a stallion, end of it (might be a backstory behind this, idk) And I dont really know what I think about the Isles so far. Lyra and Bon Bon, idk. Sparkeler and Rising Star, just love them, just a perfect couple. And I could see Thistle joining their little, herd...
Keep writing it, you amazing bastard!
I didn't like Berry joining at first, but now she has grown on me. Perhaps this will.
Balanced.
Conflicted. I understand fully, but she is too young.
Needs a name. Hurry up and use it!
If he murdered the previous laird with Tia's backing, then... fine. He's an asshole. I'm an asshole. We'd get along fine.
Once I am done with Fillydelphia, I am going after House Avarice. With a rusty spoon.
Not too sure where you're going with them yet. Please, don't make the herd massive.
Need some scenes to themselves, so we can see their interaction in private.
I get the feeling that the sweeps won't stop, just be done more covertly. And guess who is going to be taken in the next one? Goodbye, Fillydelphia, Hello, smoking hole!
Also, and I only just noticed this. Berry of Clan Pickled is made out to be Scottish, yet bleats like a sheep when highly aroused. I think you got confused. It's the Welsh who like the sheep. Scotland has more cows.
...and now I want a extra large steakhouse Aberdeen Angus supersize meal from BK.
Meh, its okay
I've seen bad fics that try to emulate these types of issues and failed, but this one is definitively good. Don't really approve of Keg's murder spree seeing as its hypocritical for one murderer to be called a hero while the other one is the villain but that my point of view.
All in all the character development is good, and the foreshadows are nice and subtle. What really made me dislike the fic at the beginning was how they were acting like smart animals trying to find balance between emotions and reasoning. Honestly reasoning and emotions will always be in conflict with each other and im really interested in seeing how you will find balance between them. Don't really agree with Thrisle getting pregnant and forced to marry Bucky but i can understand her point of view not agree but understand. Overall you've done good, keep up the good work
What do I think? Wow, I suppose I should start with the obvious. I think that Keg is an interesting character, for what we've seen of him, he reminds me quite a bit of the Scottish Lord's I studied in history, although the way he brags reminds me a bit of Cuchulain (Irish Folk hero). As a leader I see the reasoning for how he is. The isles are obviously dangerous and so everypony has adapted to the best of their ability. The one thing I might would suggest is giving him a little more screen time so his character has a chance to further develop.
The Isles. I like the contrast between Ponyville and the Isles. It's a dirty place, horrible, with dangerous living conditions. It's beautifully depicted, and the way you've described the happen stances of everything makes sense. Another thing I would suggest is showing the deep connection the ponies of the Isles have with the land. Despite it being so poor and dangerous I'm sure they are connected to it.
Going from there onto Bucky, Derpy, and Berry. The relationship between the three of them is developing nicely. It's good that you've began to establish the dynamic they have. That said, I'm glad to see Bucky taking a more direct approach on things. That is something that I personally feel needs to remain a constant.
Lyra and Bon Bon. Okay, I'm of the group who believes that Lyra believes in humans. I love that thought. It's part of what makes her quirky. Still, from the way the story is going I'm assuming that's not part of her personality. If so then I think that you need to focus in on her and Bon bon's relationship. The fact that they didn't go with Bucky's herd should affect them getting in or not.
Rising Star and Sparkler... This is a doosey. Okay, I like how you've written Rising Star, but consider the fact that right now he seems to be a character who is on his way to being rounded. I would focus on the dynamic between him and Sparkler. Play them off of each other.
Pina and Dinky, this is another interesting thing. The two of them are wonderfully written, and I think that you've done a great job with them. I feel that you have them address the world they have arrived to in a very childlike manner. Give them the option of seeing the world for what it is.
And thank you for writing this.
You make it work quite well. Can't wait to see where you take it.
I have a feeling that there's going to be unpleasantness in amounts that a portion of your readers won't be able to handle. Reading the comments for the chapter where Berry declared the peace over, it amazed me that so many people was unable to see that coming. I feel something similar coming up.
It's working quite well so far. You've hit the right balance between stability and challenge (such as them having to decide if Thistle gets brought into the herd).
She'd definitely fit into the herd well, I think, if the others could push aside their prejudices.
I think I know where you're headed with this guy but I'm gonna keep my lips shut for the time being. I will say, though, that if I'm correct his arc is going to be very symbolic of the Shetland Isles arc as a whole.
Mass murderer? Certainly not. The Shetland Isles are stuck in the dark ages. Such a bloody coup d'etat isn't outside the norm. Remember, it was the nearly bloodless ones that were remarkable.
And besides, he was using the means he had available to better the everyday life of everypony in the domain. I somehow doubt it would have been possible for a son of a prostitute to take over in any other way, and from what I've read it's undeniable that he has been a powerful force for good in the years of his reign. Go Keg Smasher!
Disgusting.
Which is what you were going for, no doubt.
I cannot comment due to personal bias on the subject (Hint: they're my OTP)
My feelings on this are rather mixed. The relationship is nice, but I'm waiting to see where it goes.
Not that obvious to me. I didn't even notice it until I read this question. It felt very natural.
>Long, intimate, well timed, and satiates my need for charichter development allongside action (more development makes the action that much more suspencefull)
>Needs toilet :P but srsly tho, this kind of atmosphere is almost just as good as having action-doesn't always need a fight to feel impending doom
>I felt it was balanced, but now Derpy and Bucky are getting extra points... I feel Berry could get some more attention without out-shining the others... A "drink-off" could work... Or maybe a "mug chug"... Dunno
>I would have felt Thistle was a bit blank-faced and forced, had I not taken into account that all she wanted to do was to continue her race. Also that part when you said she was crying made me feel a bit better about her being shoved into their family.
>The prospect of having a child-servant distracts me from all the other fics where bat ponies are op, makes me feel like he's more attuned to having feelings over, being a guard...or a royal guard... Kiz their both bat pon k next
>The fact Celestia 'backs' keg smasher, reminds me of "blinded by the sun" (asuming this is the same universe)... Celestia understanding the use of force for the greater good and all... I felt you hinted at that, but also felt the need to address my thoughts, running the risk of telling you what you already known, or sparking an idea you could include.
>I personally feel that you're trying to... The atmosphere the 'Isles' hold, reminds me of Africa, in a way. Not Kony, but poverty. The way they chose this over technology, in a way, confuses me. I don't know what to feel, gon be honest the more I think about it, the less I actually know.
>lel, where'd that come from... Oh yeah. Well the way I see it, Bucky's herd is coming back with foals, and they want foals so... *Bill cosby voice* Let them have cake!
>Good, glad you mentioned them in this chapter, I've got a haunting feeling something will happen to Rising Star
>Well, when you think about it, if it wasn't about them, then where's the danger in going to the Isles. I feel the extra mention of foals is to make the slap to the face sting more when it happens. I am not awake so that made sence to me don question it.
I hope this comment helped understand the readers pov, and weather or not hints are too vague, or too obvious. I could have missed something, but that's okay because if it didn't catch me by suprise, I wouldn't be enjoying it.
for some reason the politics kinda remind me of Game of Thrones, where house arvice is the lannisters or iron bank and clan pickle is the north
The thing about the chase, and the reason i comment less often than i used to, is that its a good story. I don't really have any critiques or odd observations, i am simply enjoying the story. You want feedback? You are doing a good job, keep it up. For your questions about the current arc, it is a good change of pace from the previous stuff, and it brings up some interesting topics for discussion.
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Hmm... interesting. It's certainly a different place than the mainland, but I don't see that as a problem. In fact, I can see many similarities to the not-so-recent-anymore Innistrad block in MtG. I really want to see where you go with these possibilities.
It has balance, but it's a delicate one. The most problems I see in the main three protagonists here is that Derpy seems oddly articulate when she's trying to say she's not very articulate.
Thistle seems desperate, and I think that having her get with Rising and Sparkler would be a better fit, but Keg has already vetoed this. As for the Courier? I agree witht he naming of him as either Courier or Night Courier. Both sound good, though the second admittedly smells a bit of cheese.
Meh. It's made very obvious that Celestia wishes she could make things better for him, but can't on her own. Keg himself is just doing things that he sees as necessary to maintain the relative peace and prosperity of the land he must both rule and defend, within and without.
You have perfectly captured real-world Scotland until about a hundred years ago. The level of detail is perfect, including the lack of beds. That lack is something that many writers of poor areas in fiction forget, and I myself have fallen prey to that trap. That you've failed to do so as well warms my heart.
That said, I feel so bad for those poor ponies. I hope there's some Shetland pony jokes/references along the way, but I still wish I could do something to help the ponies there.
They make sense together, but they're still pretty flat as characters. Sure, Bon Bon is a chemical factory on positive overload, but all we know of Lyra is that she went crazy for a bit. We also don't know much of them in general, so I can't really form an opinion. I guess if we got more time with them, I'd be able to actually feel more than 'they seem cute together'.
I think they're rushing a little, but they're not going at it, so that's fine. They're probably going to do well together, but I expect a ton of Sparkler having to smack Rising a bunch to make him pay attention. He seems like a dreamer to me.
Wasn't so obvious to me, but I think they're adorable. However, they're still pretty flat, as far as characters go. Pina seems to be a touch skittish, and Dinky appears to have some form of ADD or Aspergers, judging by her attention span and tendency to switch moods based on the source of interaction. I have a similar problem; I change how I react entirely based on who I'm nearby, sometimes to drastic levels.
Great so far. Love the developing herd interactions, and especially love Bucky.
Like the arc so far, though just about every time I learn a new detail about the isles, it makes me want to punch a non-Bucky Avarice (though he doesn't even count as one anymore officially).
I think the relationship is balanced thus far. Though it will be interesting to see the scales shift if Thistle gets added to it.
Thistle...is interesting. I actually find it easy to see her point of view about things. Not only does she come from a land where, because of the constant foalnappings, the only way to even maintain a population was through explosive breeding, but she's ALSO apparently the last of her kind, which just doubles that mindset for her. I hope she and herd Bucky(for lack of a better name) can come to terms and join together...hopefully before SHE(or any other of our star mares) comes to term in another sense.
Courier(for lack of a better name for now)...I've pretty much had this opinion of what will happen with him since he was introduced: Congrats Dinky/Pina, you're getting a new sibling sooner than expected, though you'll still have to wait on being an older sister.
Keg Smasher is...frankly the kind of pony I wish we'd see more of in corrupt nobility stories, despite the violent methods. Too many times I read stories where the nobles get away with being evil asses and just wish somepony would clean house with an axe, and here we had exactly that. Judging from the isles situation, he had damn good reasons for his actions, especially if Celestia actually approved of them. And given his people's treatment so far, he has perfectly valid reasons for pressing on with this war if he doesn't get what he wants.
Again, see the "Punch-an-Avarice" answer for the answer to this.
Meh, I see Lyra and Bon-Bon as a couple so much it's been my own headcannon forever. I DO worry that Lyra being addicted to Bon Bon's "sanity hooves" may not be 100% healthy, but I suppose it's preferable to Lyra being a mental wreck.
Rising and Sparkler are great, though I think they need to get an entire chapter to themselves sometime.
Dinky and Pina are adorable. And yeah I've noticed. But since we've (mostly) sorted out Bucky's relationships with Derpy and Berry, it's time to see him bond with these two as a dad, and have the foals learn what it's like to have a daddy.
How do you feel about the story so far as a whole?
A fascinating tale of love, biology, sociology, geopolitics, and whatever else may end up in there. Nothing like what I was expecting at that first snoot-bump, but that is by no means a bad thing.
How do you feel in particular about the new Shetland Isles arc?
Too early to say, really. Given your track record, I have no idea what to expect in the long term.
Do you feel the relationship between Bucky, Derpy, and Berry is balanced? Or does this need work?
Like Bucky, it has yet to reach equilibrium. However, it definitely seems healthy and happy, and what more could one ask for?
How do you feel about Thistle?
I certainly understand her plight and her stance thereon, which is formed by the society in which she was raised. I'm intrigued by her unique biology and the magic that implies. Honestly, I just hope the issue can be resolved quickly. The last thing the girl needs is to wallow in uncertainty.
The unnamed colt?
He's a cutie. I still hope he gets adopted into the herd.
Keg Smasher? Especially now that it is revealed that he is a mass murderer with Celestia's full backing. Think about that for a moment.
He is, to put it bluntly, in a shitty situation. He's trying to make it less so. I have to commend him for that.
Also, if acts of war aren't assault, then they aren't murder either. Even in this take on it, Equestria is still a more objectively moral place than Earth, and the old laird was pretty definitively evil. At least, according to Smasher himself. Celestia trusts him, but it's not like she's got a spotless record...
How do you feel about the state of life on the Isles with what little you have read so far?
Mildly horrified, but hopeful. The drain of money and talent instituted by House Avarice is no longer in place. Keg Smasher can negotiate with Celestia for better protection and technology. The future's looking bright... but the present is still pretty bleak.
How do you feel about Lyra and Bon Bon?
Mixed. Lyra's chemical dependency is a rich source of nightmare fuel, but her dealer loves her, and she's in a better place than before. It's not that different from having an anti-anxiety medication. I wish mine came with a significant other...
Bon Bon, meanwhile, has the makings of a second career. I have this mental image of a combination massage parlor/psychoanalyst's office. She's probably not going to do something like that, but she could, and there seem to be quite a few unicorns who need it.
Rising Star and Sparkler?
Adorable teenage couple is adorable. I trust them to be responsible until they're mature enough for kids. Just because Sparkler's opened her heart doesn't mean she's going to open other areas.
Dinky and Pina, and the obvious shift in the story focus so more of it is about them?
It's a natural progression of romance to family. Dinky has a great character arc going, and her precociousness is always a delight. I feel Piña isn't quite as established a character, so increased focus will give her a chance to become so. And, hopefully, to better understand her cutie mark, whether through epiphany or chosen interpretation.
Hope these help!
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Dinky is already manifesting some issues being a type three.
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Didn't say it was out of character, just that there's very little character for it to be out of just yet. I have a condition and a power level, not much of an actual pony behind it.
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Which is why it is now time for a focus shift.
Much of the new arc is going to be Bucky and the other two very important females in his life, as well as Sparkler.
The scene in the last chapter was telling. Pina had dribbled on him a bit and he didn't freak out or have a neurotic moment. He was content to comfort her and she felt safe with him. You'll notice she didn't run to Berry.
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Oh yeah, I noticed. He's a part of the herd now, and she looks to him as dad now.
From the comments when the Kelpie was reveled, I've been trying to work out what felt off about the character, considering I could find no constructive reason why and it hit me while driving to work why it's slightly unnerving.
From the moment you introduced Thistle it began to feel like another fanfic I read, where the author clearly wanted to write 5 different stories and kept trying to turn the existing fic into them. The end effect was disjointed and didn't read well despite otherwise being good.
With Lyra and bon-bon only getting a small amount of screentime, and then introducing a lot of new characters and switching the focus to the foals, (and previous switches in focus from perspectives to biology e.t.c) this fic, while done well so far, is defiantly walking the knife edge. So far it's felt deliberate, (and thus has made some parts more enjoyable then others).
So basically, it's only unnerving because I've seen things go poorly when it wasn't. So keep doing your thing, it's excellent.
And sorry for being a bit rambly, but after seeing a few comments not being able to pin it down I began to wonder.
How do you feel about the story so far as a whole?
honestly change the description it was a 55k word story before I started. I looked at it twice and did not start from the description. other than that I have no complainants
How do you feel in particular about the new Shetland Isles arc?
To early to tell, no bad vibes though
Do you feel the relationship between Bucky, Derpy, and Berry is balanced? Or does this need work?
The chemistry is good. It has shifted a bit with bucky getting his head strait but other than that its consistent and/or natural
How do you feel about Thistle?
A narrative problem in progress. Derpy is to dead set against her and even if forced to accept any acceptance will feel odd or it will make her villainous and off putting.
The unnamed colt?
"can we keep it father?" honestly I like him much more than Thistle and he is probably better for the story... Just a thought that could be how to get momma bird to take thistle in, Keg Smasher is a known killer. Thistle and lad become a package deal you can take both or leave with nether and lad will suffer for thistle's refection. Just a thought
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Keg Smasher? Especially now that it is revealed that he is a mass murderer with Celestia's full backing. Think about that for a moment.
Not murder in my eyes but I am not a good person.
How do you feel about the state of life on the Isles with what little you have read so far?
Pretty grim. Keg's blood bath was the first good step in a long time as far as i can tell
How do you feel about Lyra and Bon Bon?
They don't quite know what it is they want. They say they want in the herd but want to be exclusive that's not how it works. A better description of what they want is to be sisters in law to the herd not sister wives, like live in or not aunts. They both seem to miss close extended family, the hole cast does actually.(that may be some author bias shining through I have seen it in some of your other stories)
Rising Star and Sparkler?
Teenaged chaste romantic love gets old fast it has not worn out its welcome yet, but it should collect its hat and coat and progress or go away.
Dinky and Pina, and the obvious shift in the story focus so more of it is about them?
They are not hogging screen time or any thing they represent some primary motivators for the cast as such are doing there job of motivating.
How do you feel about the story so far as a whole?
Honestly, the Story is invigorating and, well.. I read the chapters twice just to see if I missed anything. Only a few stories make me do that, so congrats, I guess. Also, just great job.
How do you feel in particular about the new Shetland Isles arc?
I didn't think it possible, but it sparked an already great story. I'm just clinging to the seat to wait for the next part.
Do you feel the relationship between Bucky, Derpy, and Berry is balanced? Or does this need work?
It's Great.
How do you feel about Thistle?
How do I feel? I feel that it is a great addition to the story. I think that they should take her in. It makes the story interesting, and I really do feel that they should accept her into the herd.
The unnamed colt?
Another Great addition. Needs a name though, but I don't get paid enough to do that.
Keg Smasher? Especially now that it is revealed that he is a mass murderer with Celestia's full backing. Think about that for a moment.
Well, yes, he is a mass murderer, but then again, if it wasn't for him, worse poverty and oppression. I divided on whether what he did was ok, or not.
How do you feel about the state of life on the Isles with what little you have read so far?
It's a little, backwards to say the least, but I think it will make a great secondary plot line about how to deal with it.
How do you feel about Lyra and Bon Bon?
Great Couple, and Great People.
Rising Star and Sparkler?
Adorable Couple, like the way you made them fit each others flaws and faults.
Dinky and Pina, and the obvious shift in the story focus so more of it is about them?
No one ever really looks at the actions of adults from a foals point of view. Good Call.
Oh, and this photo speaks for itself.
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How do you feel about the story so far as a whole?
I like the story, it has had its rough moments but I have no complaints.
How do you feel in particular about the new Shetland Isles arc?
I like it, but then I understand the history here better than some I think. I also believe that those who are all 'ew' about the primitive conditions have no idea how their own ancesters lived..... and not all that long ago.
Do you feel the relationship between Bucky, Derpy, and Berry is balanced? Or does this need work?
I think the three of them are still working out their dynamic. It is still early days after all. Still, I think they are doing well so far and I am sure the way they sort themselves out will change over time...... as it should.
How do you feel about Thistle?
Thistle is interesting so far, but I do not know her well enough yet to know how she is going to fit into things. Again, understanding the history got me past the whole 'underage' thing pretty quick. I am more interested in her finding her role in the family.
The unnamed colt?
Keep him, I love thestrals and he needs some love.
Keg Smasher? Especially now that it is revealed that he is a mass murderer with Celestia's full backing. Think about that for a moment.
He is not a murderer, mass or otherwise..... he is a killer for a cause, aka a solder. He did good and I have no problems with him.
How do you feel about the state of life on the Isles with what little you have read so far?
I think the 'taxes' that were extorted from them must have been pretty terrible to leave them living that way. I am hopeing to see some improvement being worked on before Bucky and clan leave.
How do you feel about Lyra and Bon Bon?
They are nice, but it is a good thing they didn't come along. They are too tenderhearted for the isles.
Rising Star and Sparkler?
Rising Star has not had a chance to shine yet, other than a brief moment in this chapter where he showed a spark of agression. I would love to see what would happen if Sparkler were attacked or otherwise in danger........
Dinky and Pina, and the obvious shift in the story focus so more of it is about them?
They too have not had the chance to truely shine other than Dinky's defense of Pina in the schoolyard...... and that was an out of control moment. They need more time to become their own ponies.
How do you feel about the story so far as a whole?
Love it. Absolutely love it. The world building you've done is excellent. That's what really drew me in and stuck with me. There's been some chapters that have really pushed the teen boundary (and have been a bit dangerous to read at work. Thank goodness I read them on my phone).
How do you feel in particular about the new Shetland Isles arc?
Intrigued. Curious what you have planned.
Do you feel the relationship between Bucky, Derpy, and Berry is balanced? Or does this need work?
The relationship before the marriage was good. I think the relationship post marriage, and more importantly post Bucky fathering up, is still too new to call.
How do you feel about Thistle?
No strong feelings yet.
The unnamed colt?
No strong feelings yet.
Keg Smasher? Especially now that it is revealed that he is a mass murderer with Celestia's full backing. Think about that for a moment.
How do you feel about the state of life on the Isles with what little you have read so far?
How do you feel about Lyra and Bon Bon?
I like the story of Lyra and Bon Bon. Looking forward to seeing more of them.
Rising Star and Sparkler?
I like this romance side arc. I think having the two generations both in romances helps make the other stronger. I think Rising Star needs to be fleshed out a bit more as a character, but I'm looking forward to that arc moving forward.
Dinky and Pina, and the obvious shift in the story focus so more of it is about them?
How do you feel about the story so far as a whole?
Imaginative, well thought out, and its clear that you did your research at important points in the story.
How do you feel in particular about the new Shetland Isles arc?
It adds flavor, not only to the story as a whole but to the characters as well. shows that not everything is sunshine an rainbows, but still adds a heavy focus on the importance of family.
Do you feel the relationship between Bucky, Derpy, and Berry is balanced? Or does this need work?
The balance has tipped a little but with how things have progressed this can be over looked, ignored, and even fits into the story.
How do you feel about Thistle?
We haven't seen a lot of her to really know her full personality. However, I personally don't like her baby factory mentality and think that if she truly wishes to join Bucky's herd then a serious attitude adjustment is in heavy order.
The unnamed colt?
Speaking as the eldest of four, I think a protective older brother (while over used) adds a strong pillar of support to any family.
Keg Smasher? Especially now that it is revealed that he is a mass murderer with Celestia's full backing. Think about that for a moment.
very nice.
The fear and potential danger add spice to the story. Not to mention such information would bring out the fierce protective aspect of any truly good Father.
How do you feel about the state of life on the Isles with what little you have read so far?
Its despicable but shows the true extent of the damage that has been done. A much need part of the story however sad it is.
How do you feel about Lyra and Bon Bon?
Not much is seen of Lyra other then her slow progress back into pony society. Bon Bon though appears to have become a bit of a safety line for Bucky's emotional stability.
Rising Star and Sparkler?
The two appear to be getting closer and we also see Rising Star beginning to channel his inner Papa Bucky.
Dinky and Pina, and the obvious shift in the story focus so more of it is about them?
I think that you obviously have something big planed for the both of them. Especially with how protective of Pina, Dinky has become.
How do you feel about the story so far as a whole?
I love it. What really gets me involved is the world building and the character development. I really like how you paint Equestria as a much less than perfect nation and actually had some dark secrets hidden (like the foal-napping). I will admit that I was taken through a loop when war was declared and I feel like I have to go back and reread this story once it is finished. I have to admit that I got a little lost with the history, but I think that is because I poured through all 50+ chapters available at the time in 3 days and didn't give myself time to reflect on what happened. Once you are finished with this, I am definitely giving it another round. This story goes so much farther than the description implies.
How do you feel in particular about the new Shetland Isles arc?
Much like the war being declared, it took me through a loop. I still loved it. Seeing a new land is exciting, but you've done a great job illustrating but leaving just enough room to let my imagination run wild. As for the story arc, things look to be very interesting. With new threats against the characters and the new family (both physical and stability-wise) it is definitely bringing a whole new range of challenges to test the family.
Do you feel the relationship between Bucky, Derpy, and Berry is balanced? Or does this need work?
Much like I said earlier, I probably ingested this story too fast. I don't exactly remember when Berry got the hots for Bucky, but I do remember everything else. As for balance, Bucky and Derpy are the ones who have most of the influence, but it wasn't always like that. I like that. The balance is constantly evolving, first with Bucky being lead around by Berry (and to a lesser extent Derpy) and Bucky over time started taking more control and making decisions, the biggest one being his taking the whole family to the Shetland Isles. Berry seems to have taken a back seat ever since Bucky started sticking it to her, not that it is a bad thing. It still feels like they are continuing to change, and I am looking forward to see how this family dynamic will change, especially with the potential for expansion.
How do you feel about Thistle?
The poor girl is a product of her culture. She lives in a land where death is a constant fear and the only way to make sure that ponies survive is to have a lot of foals. Seeing how many funerals and large families the family past on their way to the castle, birth and death must be a huge part of that culture. What we know of her is only one dimensional because we only met her once. I am pretty sure though that underneath her foal-making machine exterior is a scared and uncertain filly. I certainly felt a twinge of pity for her, and if I were in Bucky's (horse)shoes I would have taken her in with the intent of giving her a better life without so much worry. I like her and I hope to see more of her in the future.
The unnamed colt?
I imagine him somewhat older than Dinkie and Pina. I don't really have much to comment about him other than I like him. Derpy really seems to have taken a likening to him.
Keg Smasher? Especially now that it is revealed that he is a mass murderer with Celestia's full backing. Think about that for a moment.
Much like the whole foal-napping business, it was a bit of a shock, but since it came after the foal-napping business, it wasn't as big of a shock. It seems that Equestria is full of dark secrets, and I like that. As for the family being a guest of a crown-supported murderer, it is pretty weird. I don't think they have much to worry about as long as they don't really try hard to piss him off to great lengths. I feel that this will actually serve as something important to remember if Bucky ever needs to prove his worth to Keg, I'm just now sure how.
How do you feel about the state of life on the Isles with what little you have read so far?
If I had to be lazy, here is how I would sum it up: The first part of Braveheart but with shadow wolves. Seriously: It is a miserable place. The inhabitants of the isle are taxed heavily and kept separated from the rest of pony society. Any recent advancements in technology (or anything in particular) is also missing, so trade also must be non-existent. It is a dismal farming community.
How do you feel about Lyra and Bon Bon?
I haven't really seen enough of them to draw too much of a conclusion. I still wonder why they want to be part of the herd (I might have missed it during my first run-through) and particularly wonder why they regret not going. I hope that gets answered in the future (or the answer is already there, waiting for me to reread it).
Rising Star and Sparkler?
They are cute together. Sparkler is pretty interesting because of how she is probably closer to Derpy than Dinky age-wise. This has certainly created a interesting relationship between her and Derpy. Rising Star seems to reflect Bucky. He doesn't really have the inner strength that Bucky has developed yet but he shows the potential for growth (he went on this trip to be with Sparkler, even if it was with the suggestion from his parents).
Dinky and Pina, and the obvious shift in the story focus so more of it is about them?
I haven't really felt that the focus has shifted more on the kids, but on the family as a whole. I think there is a good balance of focus on all of the main characters (Sparkler and Rising Star seem to be getting the least amount of things to do as of recent). We readers get the whole family's reactions to events and we see how the family dynamics are working and shifting in relation to what is going on around them.
I thought the story shifted more on Derpy and Bucky than Dinky and Pina, but I guess I'm not a good literary reviewer, am I?
All in all, I have enjoyed this story very much. I enjoy your style and I enjoy your characters. One thing I have noticed that really got my attention and I enjoy immensely is your boldness to tackle topics that most others would shy away from. Whether you do it to be funny or not, you cover such things as sexuality and the body in such a way that it adds a unique flavor. In particular: bodily functions and the feelings that go with them. The best example I can think of is in your story And They Call It Puppy Love. In one chapter, the character Screwloose ponders about why ponies get so worked up over using toilets despite walking around naked most of the time (while she and her friend take turns using the bathroom). It doesn't come off as immature but sincere. And here in this story you bring it up but it also serves a purpose. Bucky is further humiliated because of his weakness when he farts in the tub, but that also serves a purpose for him to learn to open up in front of Derpy and Berry. This is brought up also when he uses a sound muffling spell just so he can urinate without embarrassing himself. More bodily functions come up with the belching and farting Derpy and her family does. Sure, it makes me giggle at times but it actually serves a purpose most of the time. I have never read work such as yours that included such topics but made it so meaningful. (Except for Brown Note the Unicorn? That one was just for shits and giggles.
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I love this story. It has become one of my favorites and I look forward to your next update.
Long post is long!
How do you feel about the story so far as a whole?
So I only have two thoughts about the story.
The first is how the dialogue is handled. All the characters sound the same, even Sparkler, a teen. She should have a different 'voice'. The dialogue is the only thing that takes me out of the story. I don't have a problem with what is being said, but how.
The second is that Bucky seems a bit... flawless. I liked how he was neurotic, and his character was developed to have him get over that. But now he's in the Isles and it seems he's doesn't have any flaws. I was actually hoping that he would develop a drinking problem. Something that would really challenge the herd. Something internal, something that would maybe even hurt them but move past. Now maybe you're moving away from Bucky, writing more inclusively for all the characters so we don't need to really develop him. But it seems that the herd works too well, that there hasn't even been a fight yet (Bucky loosing his eye and Derpy getting angry might have been a good spot).
Anyway, everything else is great, really enjoying it. Keep up the great work!