Equestria Daily finally responded! Their answer: no. · 11:31pm May 1st, 2014
Well, if any of you remember, I resubmitted my fic to Equestria Daily… a whole two months ago. The good news: They actually responded this time! The bad news, they rejected it. I understand they have quality control, so I'm not really shocked. Disappointed, yes, but surprised, no. The really bad news, they didn't give me a reason, so I don't really know what I need to improve. Ughhh… Well, it's not like I need to be featured on EQD. I already enjoyed a good amount of time at the top of the feature list on FIMFiction, and nearing 700 likes is a lot more than most writers could ever hope for. And I am very thankful to all of you who helped make that happen. Still, I'm kinda disappointed. Might want to try again after I am completely finished. Though, I don't really know what I need to fix. Here's the message I received:
Dear Rethkir,
Greetings, Noble Cause of Equestria Daily here! Thank you for submitting your story but I cannot recommend it for posting at this time. Unfortunately, due to the high volume of fiction we receive, I cannot give you any specific issues to address. Please consult our Omnibus and revise your work as need be. Don't be afraid to make multiple passes and grab friends for a fresh pair of eyes.All the best,
- Noble Cause
Don't worry, I've been rejected too, though my stuff wasn't half as good as this one was. I think that they're a little overloaded right now, and they'll recommend your fic when they're ready...I'm just thinking out loud, I don't know what all goes on over there.
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Yeah, I'm not terribly worried about this. I just read this comment in a forum that made me feel better about it:
https://www.fimfiction.net/group/105/equestria-daily-rejects/thread/29538/my-thoughts-and-feelings-about-equestria-daily-reposted#comment/1271274
To summarize: it's more a of a bragging right than a way of gaining popularity. Being on EQD is like a trophy. Though, I think people would be inclined to read this just by seeing that it's a sequel to a well-known classic. Still, considering the most recent plot twist, and how much
sciencewriting there is to be done, and I think the story's quality will be evaluated by how it stands as a whole. I look forward to that day.Yeah...btw, not to self-promote or anything, but my Portal fic is up now...would you mind giving it a look?
I spend more time on this site then I really ever have EQD. I'm kind of surprised that people who read fanfiction would spend more time there then here, but, eh...
Your story is better than some of the stuff that's bragged about being featured there. Don't worry to much about it, and keep up the good work!
I wouldn't worry too much about what EQD thinks. Having read some of what they pass, I wonder if the whole admission process there has more to do with who you know over what is actually produced.
well, IMO, your story, at first was presented as "A sequel to Better Living Through Science and Ponies", and for a time it was good, but lately your story took a turn to lame territory.
while this started as a portal crossover, you have triggered a lot of WTF events in the later half of the story that made me change my original thumbs up to thumbs down.
the original story was good, and is one of my favorites, it was about portal and ponies.
this in the other hand started as portal and ponies, but lately it included dorctor who, gods, watchers, demons, and unknown ponies with "power greater tha celestia", not to mention the artifact of total destruction given to a common pony as gift...
tha part when Fluttershy got burned... throwing yourself into the fire for a couple bunnies? excuse my rudeness, but I hope she dies for such a stupid move.
celestia giving up her immortality and allowing the destruction of equestria to save twilight? that's not sacrifice, that's being an idiot.
wheatly can't just be "im sorry, I acted wrong", he was speciffically created to be a moron
a turret that predicts future... oh god...
if you are going to rewrite it to stick to a "portal crossover" you should remove the watcher the demon apocalypse thing, that whatever that stops time and the OOC of several characters
but don't mind me that much, that's just my two cents.
Don't worry about rejection. I've been rejected by them, my story Nopony Special in fact, which has gotten nothing but glowing praise and which I'm really proud of. Their review questioned the story's resolution to the point of implying they felt the story didn't have a point, and suggested revisions and expansions that would have destroyed the story as I wanted it to be. Their standards for fiction are really not as simple or straightforward as "this is a good story", they have skewed priorities in fact I think.
That said, on the one hoof, your story has some technical problems. My writing had the same problems that I didn't even know were problems, namely telly talk and bookisms. Their omnibus is pretty good for that stuff and reading it and revising my work to fix it I understand why it isn't a good thing to use. Your story does use it.
On the other hoof, your fanfic honestly is not bad, but is not good. I'm sort of apathetic towards it. The original story was very straightforward and simple but well-written and well-executed, like Portal. It didn't feel like I was reading a Portal/MLP fanfic, it felt like the Portal characters had been dropped into Equestria and things happened that one would expect to happen. It did with the characters things that seemed perfectly natural, and the plot was well-paced and came to a logical conclusion, and an epic one too with Glados in a robotic alicorn body.
Your story on the other hand has a very "fanfic-y" quality to it. My first alarm bell with this was Glados taking control of the Diamond Dogs to build a new base. Then you revealed Glados/Caroline is Chell's mother, you're bringing a third franchise into this, you've brought Wheatley back, you have her take over Celestia's body, and honestly it has become a mess. In addition to the plot, I think you don't handle Glados well. What always made Glados so awesome was how passive-aggressive she is, but in your story she's outright hostile and angry and she loses so much of her menace and charm for it.
So, in summary, from both a technical and creative aspect your story needs work, and the former should be simple if timeconsuming while the latter would need a total overhaul of the story. But you shouldn't dwell on ED's rejection and give up, your story clearly has developed a fanbase interested in reading it as-is, and further exposure on ED would do little for you at this point. Quality of writing is very-subjective, and inevitably you will receive criticism, but you will also receive reviews from people who love your work and can take pride and joy in that.
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Well, I respect your criticism, though I hope you understand if I cannot fully embrace it, nor agree with it, for doing so would contradict an entire year of my life. But yet, rather than ignore, avoid, or lash back at my criticism, I choose to address it head on.
At the heart of your concern, the original story was simple; mine is not. Well, it's not going to get any simpler, so this is something you should accept. A Trusted Friend is not the same thing as Better Living. It continues the storyline, but its tone is very different. This is not necessarily a good thing or a bad thing. It's just… different. So, you may end up liking the original, but not this. But that's okay.
Now, I don't quite understand many of your references, (I have no idea what a watcher is) but I can see that many of my references have put you at a loss as well. Doctor Whooves was just a cameo joke (and I wrote that a long time ago, as in, towards the beginning of the story, so this pattern that you see is nothing new). The turret that predicted the future is an actual character from Portal 2, called the Oracle Turret, so she's fair game. Then the dark scary reality-warping guy (the G-Man) and the Combine are from Half-Life. The justification for including Half-Life elements is that Half-Life and Portal share the same universe, and their lores are actually intertwined rather closely. Black Mesa and Aperture Science competed for government grant money. The Combine invasion of Earth is the reason why the Aperture Science has remained abandoned in Portal 1 and falls to ruin in Portal 2.
Though, I understand that many readers have played Portal, but not Half-Life, so I try not to rely on knowledge of those games to understand what's going on. There's an alien invasion, and that's all you need to know. So, you don't need to play Half-Life to get what's going on. Or, you may not get a particular reference, but that shouldn't mean that you are lost in the bigger picture. And at the heart, this story is Portal through and though. GLaDOS uses the Combine as a means to an end, and that end is a new Aperture Science. The Combine may be a significant threat to Equestria, but they are by no means the focus of the story or the ones who drive the plot. GLaDOS is.
However, all of these characters (except for Doctor Whooves and anyone from My Little Pony) exist within a single reality that Valve has established, so it is not implausible for GLaDOS and the Combine or G-Man to exist within the same narrative. As for Wheatley, he made a genuine apology after the credits in Portal 2. And I believe it, so I don't think he was out of character. He may be a moron, but he is not evil. Weak minded, but not a bad person. He was corrupted by the same force which had also corrupted GLaDOS.
And, yes Fluttershy acted dumb, Celestia acted dumb. They made mistakes, bad mistakes. The simple truth is that I needed to get the plot in a certain direction, and sometimes that results in having characters doing stupid things. It's not a good thing, but I needed these things to happen. I am but a novice writer, so I do not have the capacity to have thought this out differently. However, I will not let my personal limitations prevent me from writing more. For all the stupid mistakes and misdirections I've gone in, this story is going somewhere, somewhere that I hope will put everything into a different perspective, and I intend to bring it there.
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But I was really trying to go for something more nuanced with some intelligent depth to it. I like keeping readers on edge, but it seems that I've gown to rely on using gimmicks to do so. Sigh, this feels so frustrating because I put so much work into this only for it to be muddled by some serious problems. I've made something that is longer, sloppier, and messier than it should have ever been. I keep telling myself and others that the ending will make it all worth it, but it's hard to hold onto that hope. I've invested my life in this, and I'm still fully committed, so to have it become sub-par ordinary schlock is a profound disappointment. 
Thank you for your complete honesty. Sigh. It seems that the ones who enjoy it are the ones who don't think so hard about things like this. I guess some people like fanfic-y.
I already made revisions not long ago, but it really wasn't enough. And… I don't think it would be fair to make my fans re-read everything. It feels like my mistakes are growing, piling on top of each other like cholesterol in a clogged artery. It's such a daunting feeling to be told exactly what's wrong with your prized creation to know it's true, but not knowing how to fix it. Maybe I've put too much thought into this. Or maybe, I just have to accept what my fic is not and embrace what it is. Maybe it will be better for doing so. I know I can't make everyone happy, but I at least want to make myself happy. But I cannot be happy unless I know that I have delivered the best. And now, I feel as though I put myself in the same position I've put GLaDOS in, with nowhere to move forward into the darkness that lies ahead and become utterly consumed by it, unable to find a way out of my own missteps as I dig myself ever deeper.
This fic is only going to get darker and sadder. I bring it down in the hopes that it will lead to a much brighter ending, so that it would make such a long and grueling journey feel like it's all worth it, just to get to that place of true happiness. Perhaps all that hardship and suffering will make the reader feel like they made their way through this, like reading this was an accomplishment that, and the rewards of the ending is like the cake at the end of all those tests. I just hope I'm not lying about it.
But, then again, good fiction is not supposed to be like that, right? I feel like I am taking the reader down with me, like I am torturing them just like GLaDOS tortures ponies. And now I feel as if I am her. Maybe that's why I relate so well to this character. My version of her is but the darkest part of myself: sad, bitter, and angry.
Is my story's weakness its own strength? Or is it just bad writing? Oh, what should I do?
I just hope that I and everyone I effect will make it out of this okay.
2069343 Well, where you go from here and what you take from this feedback depends on what you want to take from the story. Do you want to be a serious writer someday? In that case, you should take our feedback into account, and rather than let it get you down listen to it and take it into account for future works. Or, if you just wrote this for fun and to try writing, you can shrug off the criticism if you like and just keep going with what you're enjoying and what you know some are enjoying, or you can take it to heart again and revise it.
I understand fully how much of a commitment fics this long can be and how much of your energy and time and soul is put into an idea you really love and believe in come to life. What is important to remember is two things - you can't please everyone, and none of the negative comments made here are made with intent to make you feel bad.
For the first point, even if you revised this story heavily now to be simpler and made it good enough for ED, some of the current fans would be alienated and leave. You have a fanbase that enjoy it for what it is, and others do not. That is going to happen no matter what type of fanfiction you write. Even Fallout Equestria, one of the most famous fanfictions of the fandom, has people that don't like it. You shouldn't feel bad that something you've worked so hard on, some people dislike, again, take pride in knowing that others *do* like it and want to see you keep writing.
The second point, criticism is meant to improve. We're not saying "I don't really like your story" to try and break your spirit or anything, we say so because you've put a lot of effort into this work, and you deserve an honest opinion from those that don't like it. Even if I dislike your fic personally, I respect the obvious time and energy you've put into writing it. It is nowhere near as bad, technically or creatively, as many other fanfictions I've read. So don't think "my fanfic sucks, they hate it", because I don't think that's the case with me or the other commenters. It's just that your fic is not as good as the really great fanfics out there, and if you can't write a story good enough to get your name out there, then unless you're planning to be a serious writer someday, don't worry about it. Because your fic is still decent and deserves attention, and it is getting it.
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I do appreciate the time you are taking for this, and I appreciate your help a great deal. Well, it seems that I have a decision to make. I need to decide who I'm writing for. There are those who are begging me drop in Gordon Freeman, and then there are those who think any involvement of Half-Life is a huge mistake. So obviously can't please them both. So, do I stay true to the spirit of the original, or let it be my own thing? I don't think I can go back and make this fic into something it was never meant to be, but I can still do my best to make it my best. At least I can say that it's somewhat decent. That's not something many writers can say about their first story.
It's good that there are people who like it. As long as someone does, and 690 is quite a lot, then it has some meaning. Though, I take this story very seriously, so I would like for it to be critically good as well. I can't fix everything, but maybe certain things here and there. Changing the direction of the plot is not something I wan't to do, but perhaps I can change the circumstances. Perhaps Celestia shouldn't offer her immortality to GLaDOS, but instead GLaDOS already knew how to take it away. Things like that are solutions I am willing to look into.
If I can ever find a proofreader who is willing to take the time to help out and is fictionally knowledgeable, someone who can point out the flaws individually and help me find plausible solutions, then that is something I am willing to do. But this job is too big for me to handle alone.
2070939 There are some groups on the site that will review your work, both technically and creatively. Having done so though, let me tell you the most important thing in all this is that whatever you do with the story, you only do what you are comfortable with. If you have to betray your own vision for the sake of pleasing other people, trust me, it isn't worth it, you'll hate yourself and you'll hate the story.
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Personally I find your story to be one of the best I've read. Keep going where you're going with it and stick to your plan. I believe it'll all turn out fantabulous in the end.
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Thanks. I just found someone on a proofreader group who hopefully provide the feedback I need and help me figure out what I need to do. Of course, I will not betray my vision. That would be unthinkable.
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It makes me happy to know that there are people who genuinely enjoy what I write. Just as criticism gives us the knowledge to improve, praise gives us the strength to persevere. Whatever changes or improvements I may make due to proofreader suggestions probably will not be radical. Maybe I can help Celestia out, but I don't think I will change what happens to her. And I will certainly not undue the Combine invasion. The only way to go is forward. Science must be done, no matter the cost. I hope the upcoming chapters will put things into greater perspective.
It's always good to hear praise as well.