How Long Does it Take? · 3:52am Apr 15th, 2014
For a life to be ruined? For me, just over a month. My life is in pieces right now, and there's nothing I can do about it. A couple days ago my mother found out I was suicidal last year, and since then she hasn't looked at me the same (which is the reason why I never told he in the first place). My school life is absolute hell, to the point where I'm skipping my classes because I can't deal with it. I haven't seen my friends in I don't know how long.
About the only thing still remaining of my life is this site. I'm still reading and writing perfectly fine. Outside of pony... I don't know what I'm going to do. I need to find a way to reset my life. Repair it from the ground up, but I don't know how. I've been struggling with all of this for a long time, and it's finally coming crashing down on my head. I have no desire to succeed in school or life. Nothing that school leads to appeals to me. I don't have a drive for success. All I want is to write. Sit, and write, and never pull myself out of my stories. I don't want to be the guy who lives in his mother's basement for his entire life, but I also don't want anything. I don't have any desires in life anymore. All I want is to write my stories. Just write and let the world pass by around me, because I know that one day, no matter what I do or what I accomplish, I will die one day. And eventually I'll be forgotten. And what I did in life will never matter to anyone. Humanity depresses me. living depresses me. Dying depresses me. Everything is just a depressing thought to me. Sure, I could pull myself together, pass highschool, get a diploma, a good job, live a good and successful life, but then what? I die and get buried under six feet of dirt. Yay, bet all the money I made will be so useful then! I haven't achieved anything with my life, but there are no achievements I want to get. Maybe one day, I'll wake up, and find a purpose. Maybe one day I'll have a reason to live.. but right now... I don't have a reason to do anything. I don't want to die, but... why should I be alive if I'm just going to die one day anyway? What's the point of living if you have nothing to live for?
Oh look, I just got a new follower. I suppose you guys make it worth living, but I wanted to keep writing anyway. Maybe one day I'll become an author and get my dream of just sitting and writing, but... I'm not holding my breath.
I'm just depressed right now. I'll probably be better in a couple more days.
My Easter special will be released on time.
Until next time,
Kodeake out
Please try to look on the bright side. You made my day recently helping me think of ways to improve one of my stories. That means something. And every something adds up to a greater whole.
Compulsory education is garbage, I know. I've been through it. Money is a mere control mechanism which one cannot physically or emotionally gain from. You seem to have a talent for writing so keep that up. You are arguably right about humanity but don't worry about the yahoos who are only part of the problem. I'm the one who wastes time on social justice/activism stuff. You have yourself and the people in your corner who will pull for you. I can be one of those people in that corner. These are your primary concerns. That's what you live for most likely.
Hi there, I know this may sound like a lie but, I kind of know how you feel.
Sometimes I too want to just sit in my pc and just leave life for a while. In less than two months I'm turning 20, and I think of what have I done in this 20 years of life. And the answer to that is pretty much nothing. Life turns into a routine. You wake up, go to college, return home, turn on pc, sleep, and repeat.
And on those moments I don't know why I should even keep being alive.
I know this may sound too cliche, or maybe a rip off, but, I found that living for some else It's the best you can do.
I think of the happiness I bring my parents by being a somewhat good student, or that of my sister when I play with her or help her with something. Sometimes It isn't even a member of my family. Maybe just a stranger that needs help, or a classmate that didn't understood something, or just forgot to bring a pen. I even think of the ones I haven't met. Like my future wife or my future kids. All of them.
And then I come back to life seeing that thanks to me they are happy, and that in return makes me happy. To me everyone else is more important than myself. And thinking that my demise could make even one of them sad keeps me well and alive.
So think about it. Even If life sucks now, everything could be better tomorrow. And even if you touch bottom, the only way you can go is up.
Hope you get well soon.
A fan.
If you ever wanted to talk about it or something, shoot me a PM. We haven't conversed much outside of story comments in the past, but I'm more than willing to listen.
*silently hopes this didn't come off as creepy*
Anytime you need to talk about something, just message me. I'm ready to listen pretty much everything. I already said it before, but screw it, I'm saying it again.
I remember why I post these blogs now...
2011516
That... actually helped a lot, knowing I helped someone. I've never had a lot of faith in humanity, so it's nothing new, it was just another depressing thought to add the the rather large pile I have going at the moment.
2011538
That's probably the strongest thing I have going for me, right now. I know my mother wouldn't do well without me, and I have a fairly large community of people on here who read and enjoy my stories. My stories, at least I'd like to think, make my readers happy, and if I can do that then I'll always have a reason to continue doing this.
2012903
Nah, you ain't creepy. I like you too much for that to be creepy. I've had a few people tell me this, actually, and it's a nice thing to know.
2013490
I remember, and I'm still quite grateful for it. I'm not at the point where I really feel the need to seriously talk to someone, not right now at least. This blog was more to put my problems in a little bit of perspective for myself, and partially to remind myself that there are people who care, such as you.
It means a lot to me, what you four have said. I'm working on getting my life back in order, and I can't thank you guys enough for reminding me I have a real reason to put it back together. I've fought with depression before and won, and this time I have a veritable army of 141 people behind me.
You're all awesome.
dude, you always make me smile, always. everything you do has made my day, i love your stories and i will remember you. forever. your my favourite writer and can get a job as a writer, persivere dont just quit, keep trying, you will die eventually, but make your life full of happy memorys and be happyichingonline.net/img/persevere.gif