MAJOR ANNOUNCEMENT "Dear Sweetie Belle: The 37th Edition" · 8:26pm Mar 31st, 2014
I've been planning this a long time, folks. I've kept it a secret for over a year, but now the truth is finally out; in 24 hours, 'Dear Sweetie Belle' will cease to exist in it's current state. I have completely rewritten the story, top to bottom, according to the critiques I received from Equestria Daily's Prereader 37.
I can hear you all now. "But Jade, you were furious at 37's rejection notice." I was, but a few months ago it finally sunk in that he was right. He was always right. The story is a flawed mess... or should I say WAS a flawed mess. Thanks to the suggestions I found in 37's email, the story is now 110% better.
I know it'll be accepted on EqD this time.
Here are a few excerpts of what you can expect from the redone story.
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“Rarity!”
Rarity’s mouth snapped shut and she averted her roommate’s eyes. “I’m just nervous, okay?”
“What in Equestria about?” Shining Star pondered for a moment, then stomped her hoof in mock realization. “Rarity, have you never been to a party?” She asked, her voice dripping with false shock.
“Of course I have, Star. Just… not a party like this.”
“A party like what?”
“You're really going to make me say it, aren't you?" Rarity looked away and tried to hide behind her mane. "I'm in... heat."
Shining Star rolled her eyes. "Well, duh. You've been funking up the room for days now."
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My parents were furious, of course. They ranted and raved and broke furniture. Father raised the kitchen table itself as though he were going to strike me with it. Only mother, a broken weeping mess at this point, managed to stop him.
They called me a whore said I'd brought disgrace to my family name.
Father said there were two ways this could go.
One, I could turn around and never come home again.
Two, I could go see the doctor in Manehatten and have my little problem 'taken care of.'
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Awkward seconds passed in silence, until at last Sweetie Belle spoke. “So…” she looked up. “What do I call you now?”
Rarity shook her head and started to turn away. “You can still call me Rarity, or sister, or whatever you like.” Her lip quivered and she felt the sting of tears. “I know that you must hate me right now. I understand and I…”
"You're right. I do hate you."
The coldness in her daughter's voice made Rarity's head whip around. "What?"
"Everything we've been through, all the fights and bickering... how could you talk to your daughter that way? How could you lie to me for my entire life?!"
"Sweetie Belle..."
"What did you think was going to happen, Rarity?" The filly was advancing on her now. "Did you think this was going to be some heartwarming reunion moment like in one of those novels you love so much?"
"I..."
"SHUT UP!" Sweetie Belle was in her face now. "I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU WITH EVERY FIBER OF MY BEING! I'M GOING TO LIVE WITH APPLEJACK AND APPLEBLOOM! I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN!" She raised a hoof and smacked Rarity in the face as hard as she could.
Rarity did nothing. She collapsed in a heap as Sweetie Belle hit her again and again and again.
It was what she deserved, after all.
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"I talked to the girls." Applejack said as she glared at the bruised unicorn sitting by the fire. "We agree that it's pretty rotten that you never told us about this."
She said nothing.
"It's gonna take a while to forgive you, so until then it's probably best that you just keep your face outta Ponyville." Applejack turned to leave and shook her head. "We're just so ashamed of you."
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Dear Applebloom,
I'm your mama. Mac's your daddy. No, we ain't siblings. Dinner's at six.
Love,
Applejack
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Better, right?
Of course, the original text will be deleted for this superior story. It's for the best.
See you then!
BY THE WAY...
APRIL FOOL'S!
Yeah, I'm a day early. I'm gonna be in Walt Disney World tomorrow and I wanted to make sure this bad boy went up before then.
This got super dark, didn't it?
Don't worry, nothing's changing. Still my favorite story, still don't give a damn what EqD says, etc.
Hope ya'll aren't too mad at me.
Ahem... DIDNEY WORL!
Oh thank god! I thought you were serious for a second there.
When I read kitchen table I knew you were joking.
...dang it.
Just...dang it. I actually fell for this.
Sooo... You live in UTC+1 or +2 or something, then? Where it's already april 1?
1969899 I live in Florida. April 1st is tomorrow. I will be on the Haunted Mansion for the sixth time by this time tomorrow.
I do not apologize for getting a head start.
1969908 *sigh*
Next thing I know it'll just be a week long event.
1969912 THAT'S A GREAT IDEA!
1969941 That's a horrible idea! Having April Fool's be one day is more than enough.
1969956 I love April Fools Day.
Last year, my wife and I convinced my aunt that we were pregnant. We even had fake ultrasounds. We asked if we could run some names by her.
"For a girl, we were thinking... April."
1969967
Well, I respect your fondness for it. I've just never been a fan. (But I think it's safe to say I'm a fan of your Dear Sweetie Belle continuity, so there's that.)
1969967 I really don't like "Can't trust the internet" day very much.
1970058 My friend, NEVER trust the internet.
1970020 And it's always good to know the continuity has a fan.
Yeah, you had me going until the bit about re-submitting it to EqD, and then when I was jolted to a stop I remembered the date. ...And then I'm afraid I skipped the rest (as I did last year's Spike story in my original binge of the blog). Straw parodies aren't really my thing, but that's no fault of yours. Props.
You got me there.
Well done.