My Day Has Been Made · 9:32pm Jul 31st, 2013
So, after a particularly not-so-fun day at work a little while back, Fourpony let me rant and rave to him about why I hate my job.
He then proceded to write this for me in the wee hours of the next morning:
She had had a terrible on Tuesday, and Wednesday was not looking any better. Thinking ahead, Jaestring grabbed her big Number 1 fist and tossed it into her oversized handbag.
Arriving at work, Jae sat down and gently slid the large fist under the desk, she did not know when or who, but she just had a feeling it was going to be used today. She did not have to wait long.
Mr. Agent strutted into the building, walking with a stiff legged anger. Jae sighed, she did not know what, but something had happened and it was her fault. As Mr. Agent opened his mouth to begin his tirade, Jae tried tuning him out by doodling his head exploding on the back of an old tax report. From the words that did spew out of his mouth along with a large quantity of spittle, Jae came to the conclusion that something happened to his car and it was all her fault. Catching some more words along with whatever the guy had to breakfast, Jae pieced together that once you buy a BMW, it cannot possibly be your fault if the next day it is covered in bird shit, even if you park it under a tree birds often nest in. Someone had to of coerced these birds into shitting on his car, and that someone was Jae.
Having accumulated what looked like half of Mr. Agent's breakfast on her desk and her person, Jae finally snapped. Swiftly sliding her hand into the Number 1, lovely named "Finger Banger". She effortlessly vaulted over her desk, delivering a kick to Mr. Agent's chest. Though Mr. Agent was surprised, he was only knocked back a couple of steps, Jae's dainty figure not enough to knock him to the ground; but this was no problem for Jae, it only made the kill that much more satisfying.
Thrusting Banger forward, the big, blue index finger easily cut into Mr. Agent's left shoulder; the blunt, foam tip sharp enough to even punch all the way through his scapula. Mr. Agent was too shocked to even let out a shriek of pain, he could only stare at the large blue finger that had made its way through his body.
Not giving Mr. Agent but a second to stare, Jae wrenched Finger Banger from the shoulder it was impaled in. As she pulled her weapon loose, Jae performed a fluid spin, pivoting on her left foot; the blood on the blue finger being flung onto the walls in a smooth arc. Completing her spin, Jae planted her right foot and thrust her soft, blue weapon at Mr. Agent's head. Mr. Agent had regained enough of his senses to lean is skull out of the path of the dangerous tip, only for his face to encounter to rolled of fingers of the fist part of the hand.
Jae felt the impact through the fist and grunted with a slight amount of effort as she continued her follow through into Mr. Agent's smug face. Despite the extra effort expended, Jae was rewarded with fantastic results as Mr. Agent rocketed off her fist, blowing the double doors off their hinges as he passed through, rolling to a halt in the company parking lot.
She walked forward with a justified vengeance, her steps causing a crackling noise as the glass of the shattered doors was ground into the cement. Mr. Agent tried getting up but only managed to get one leg under him before stumbling back to the ground. Jae calming walked up and delivered a swift kick to his chest, causing Mr. Agent to roll into the side door of his bird shit covered BMW.
Lifting Mr. Agent off the ground by his neck, Jae slammed his bloodied face onto the hood of the car, smearing the bird shit.
"You see this? This crap on your car?" questioned Jae, her tone giving the impression she would no longer take anymore back talk.
"Ye... yes," muttered Mr. Agent, his voice barely carrying since his face was mashed into his new car.
"Well I could not have caused this. This was caused by your own fucking ineptitude. I did not park your car, I could not have trained birds to roost there, I did not plant the tree, so whatever put that little idea in your head that I am at fault is
FUCKING wrong!" Jae's authoritative tone echoed up and down the street.
Releasing Mr. Agent's neck, Jae turned on her heel and briskly walked back to her desk. She smirked at the squeaking sound as Mr. Agent slid off the front of his car, smearing more bird shit on his suit and face. Placing the blood soaked Finger Banger back under her desk, Jae prepared for another mundane day at work. That was till she heard the voice of her manager yell something about paperclips being mixed up, the big ones were with the small ones, and the medium sized ones were on the wrong part of the desk.
Jae once again slid her hand into the comforting grip of Finger Banger, stood up, and slowly walked to her manager's door. The amount of justice today was about to be doubled.
I could not stop laughing. This little piece of literature should win an award or something.
That was glorious.
Truly glorious.
~Skeeter The Lurker
1253182
Incredibly so, I just HAD to share!
Oh wow, that was amazingly funny, for some reason. I think this should be ponyfied and made into a story, pronto
.
1253330
It would be in the top box FOREVER
1253330>>1253190
WAIT! WHAT?! Like I could even ponify it!
...
BRAIN! What are you doing?!
Jaern woke up early that morning, Celestia's sun peaking into the bedroom window of her small apartment. Squinting at the bright light she sighed, slipping her clawed feet over the edge of the bed and into her house slippers.
NO BRAIN, QUIT IT!
Shuffling her way to the kitchen, Jaern thought back to just what brought her to move to Canterlot and somehow land a receptionist job. After five years in the pony infested city, she was certain that having to deal with the males of her species was far easier than having to deal with her manager.
STAHP!!!
1254420
DOOOOO EEEEEET
1254422
I would need more details about what your dragon looks like, cause so far I am more working off your vector (I should learn how to use InkScape) and this pic.
fc04.deviantart.net/fs70/i/2013/005/b/3/whatcha_talkin_____bout_washington__by_bloodgoldwings-d5qkiin.jpg
FOUR! Just what are you thinking? You can't write!
Well, Jae asked nicely...
If ANYONE asks you nicely, would you do something, like jump off a bridge?
There could be a soft mat at the bottom...
OH. MY. GOD! How dumb are you?!
We interrupt this psychotic break while Fourpony argues with himself
1254428
... I'll draw you pretty artworks?
1254429
Well, I would need what the dragon looks like first.
Pony: No you tard, she is talking drawing stuff for you!
Four: I know, like drawing her dragon so I know what to describe.
Pony: Are you really that dumb?
Four: Hold on while I make a GDocs.
Pony: NO! *Proceeds to beat the ever living fuck out of Four.*
1254431
I could draw art of me, but I could also draw arts FOR you.
1254434
Do you have any other bad days? Also, I cannot describe colors for shit, especially if they contain red or green. Makes things hard sometimes.
'Finger Banger'.
Sexy.
1254530
How did you end up here?
1254538
I was looking for some new 'material' for my 'work'.
*keyboard clatter*
"Aww man, I went EVERYWHERE!"
1254540
Oh wait, I linked it to you, hAHAHAHhahAHaa. I am tired!
1254541
Me too.
'I've learned that jerking off can make you relaxe after a while, making it easier to sleep.'
1254542
Really? You write that here?
1254596
I am supremely messed up. Don't ask.
Shouldn't My Name Is Twilight Sparkle have a tragedy tag?