Building stories - Art is magic

I should be writing instead of posting useless stuff here.
But actually, this is interesting for me because I rediscover it everytime and maybe I need to write it somewhere in order to really begin to improve on it as well as it may be interesting for others who write and may want to confront the way they write with someone else (even if I think I'll only say some basic stuff that everyone who writes probably is already conscious of).

So here it goes. I'll try to analyze how I built "Art is magic". Why? Because I just read it again and the different parts and tricks used are pretty clear and apart so that it should be easy to analyze.

Oh, and re reading the notes in the end, I saw that I wrote that story because of the "create" poster. And that's something worth celebrating or something like that.

***

So, not coming back on how I thought of the subject of that story. Let's begin by how I planned it and what were the core elements I wanted to put into it.

Core ideas:
- everything ages at every time. Therefore, it's pretty easy to do an aging spell. (that was actually the trigger of the story).
Challenge: making that absurd thought actually believable. Even if it might work with some people with a very open mind, most people will just think that it doesn't make sense or is stupid.
- having other challenges around to show some other forms of magic.
Challenge: I have to vary the different form of arts in order not to repeat the same trick over and over again. Ideally, calling to the five senses. (which I couldn't ultimately do)
- actually show that art is some kind of magic.
Challenge: once again, making that absurd thought actually believable. Art manipulates our senses the same way magician (in our world) do.

Plan:
Note: the plan will pretty much always be "introduction", "action", "conclusion". It's hard to do something else (but not impossible).

Introduction:
pic-nic, Rarity challenges her friends. The informations that are needed are:
- what the challenges will be (first, second and third challenge, giving at the same time the construction of the action part)
- say that it will be art against everything else (giving the rules in some way)

Action: (three parts repeated the same way over and over)
introduction of the action (presentation of the ponies)
first challenge
- challenged brags
- rules are given
- proof is given
- Pinkie Pie says the victory is for Rarity
- the next pony wants to object, but is prevented to
- the loser is actually satisfied with the loss
second challenge
- same construction as the first challenge.
third challenge
- challenged "brags" (is sure Rarity can't win)
- Rarity forfeits (using the repetition to create the surprise. The human mind thinks by three (don't know how to say in english). So if we see something going a certain way two times, we deduce that it will be the same way the third time.)
- Applejack wants to see the proof anyway
- proof is given

Conclusion
Everypony is satisfied, but Twilight sees that she hasn't lost.
(Note: Twilight not having lost came from my realisation that drawing something is the same as saying the same thing. In both cases, we create it. I wanted to show that fact).

***

Tricks used (in the order of the story):

Introduction
- Vegetable dress: I used that as a reference to show that this story would be aimed at Applejack, the reste being more of a distraction.
- discussion about the honest congratulations: I actually love to use an off-discussion at the beginning of a story. It helps lighten the tone and give some material to think about before the action really begins. Normally, the discussion should be about a subject related to the story, which it isn't here. At least not willingly. The purpose is only to make the reader feel some sort of connection with the story from the very beginning (the same way you may ask what time it is to someone to begin a conversation, even if you don't need the time).
- not beginning to fight immediately: this was very important (but mostly came from the feeling of the scene). It makes the whole thing looks more realistic. In fact, it is developped in three stages:
1) first, I say they don't want to fight (meaning it has been waiting to explode since a long time)
2) second, I introduce the idea that art is magic ("Rarity set face. Too bad, the relaxing picnic was over."), making the other ponies find the idea absurd (which is actually what the reader probably think too, making him or her able to connect with the character of the story - it works only because those same character aren't mean to Rarity, but pity her in some way, like the reader who probably like Rarity too)
3) third, Rarity decides to fight (“Well…” began to reply Rarity, not really expecting so much resistance from her friends. “Yes, actually, it can.”) and give the challenges.

The transition are a key part of the whole thing.
The whole problematic is brought through a smile (which happens often in real life) and we only go to the second stage because Rarity use the word "magic".

I always hope that one day, you’ll be able to open to its magic.”

Which introduces the idea that art is magic. But even so, the fight has to escalade slowly, once again to make it more realistic, because those are friends, not competitors. And the challenge is absurd. Twilight only comes in to try and calm down her friends, which is consistent with her personality (look before you sleep) and Rainbow Dash does what she wants.

And that's Dash and the way she puts Rarity against the wall that trigger the thirs stage of the whole conflict. Cornered, Rarity has only two choices:
- fall back
- go ahead

“Well…” began to reply Rarity, not really expecting so much resistance from her friends. “Yes, actually, it can.”

So she hesitates ("well..." and a lot of words before the answer ("Pause for dramatic effect" would say Rainbow Dash)) and then decides to go ahead.

Her three friends stood still for a few seconds to try and compute the information they just heard. They made the connections, saw now errors and still couldn’t accept how absurd it was.

Those two sentences were important. The reader has just read that art can make a pony fly, which the reader finds impossible. So it's important to asknowledge that fact and show the reader I know and understand what he or she thinks. This is always the same trick: make the character think the same way the reader does, so that the reader may identify himself or herself with the characters.

“Rainbow Dash!” shouted both Twilight and Applejack.
“That was very mean.” said Applejack. You should apologize.

Still showing that they are friends. In fact, this comes back during the whole introduction. They don't want to fight at the beginning, they still try to defend each other during the whole story, etc... This makes them a little more "human" for us as if they were just fighting. Having them enter a conflict when not wanting to and willing to protect each other gives the conflict a more tragic (and by extension epic) tone than if it was just a conflict. (the other trick to make a conflict epic is to show the great consequences it would have (death, ruin, etc...), but that wouldn't have worked in that context).

answered Twilight, not really thinking the words she was saying.

I just wanted to note that it was hard to keep my cool when writing that, but it was necessary in order to keep on making them "human" (I really don't have a better term...It's hard to analyze in english). Without that part saying she didn't thought what she was saying, Twilight would have appeared like a show off, which she isn't, therefore going against the vision the reader has of the character. (which is one of the problem that can be encountered while writing in a given universe we didn't create).

And in the mind of her three friends, only two questions were occupying their whole attention:
Had their friend gone completely mad?
And if not, how was she going to accomplish such miracles?

That part was supposed to say to the reader: I know what you think, I'll give you the answer, just you wait.
Looking back, it may not have been such a good idea, because I don't provide with enough answers. I would probably have to change the last question by "And if not, what was she going to do next sunday?" or something like that. Speaking of miracles actually makes it almost impossible for me to give an answer to the reader.

Action

Well, Sweetie Belle had had a rough week.

I had to introduce the fillies, because they would have logically come.

She was just hoping she wouldn’t have to regret the faith she had put into her sister.

This is exploiting the fact I brought the fillies there. This sentence makes the reader pity Sweetie Belle (as the reader, like Sweetie Belle, cannot see how Rarity is going to win) and wanting Rarity to win in order to make Sweetie Belle not have to regret her faith. In a way, I forces the reader to have faith in Rarity, helping to make the cheating I'll use work.

Octavia and Vynil Scratch both welcomed the three ponies very politely, but didn’t explain what role they were going to play in the whole thing.

God I love not having to describe the characters. Wouldn't have taken too long, but this is one of the major advantages of writing about ponies.

The music

After all, she was certain Rarity wouldn’t be able to do anything and that she would have to comfort her right away.

Still showing that they are friends. Making them "human".

that it was going to be an epic fail.

Which is what the reader probably still thinks at that point.

“I have to use art and make Rainbow Dash become captain of the wonderbolts. Is that correct Rainbow Dash?” asked Rarity.

The rules are the moment I begin to manipulate the words. The whole "bragging" is there to put the reader in a good position (with Rainbow Dash, it was to aknowledge it was impossible, but that Rarity was still to be considered as a friend (Rarity being the author...)).
The rules have to say how the challenge will be won. Here, the hint is that Rarity doesn't say if RD has to objectively or subjectively become captain of the wonderbolts. The fact that both party accept the rules make the reader accept it as well (like Rainbow Dash says: "Whatever!", which is probably what the readers think at this point). Therefore, the reader will have way more difficulties to say RD didn't lose because he or she had accepted the rules too.

slightly nervous because of Rarity’s confidence.

Making RD nervous is a way to use the fact that, by that point, the reader should have identified with Rainbow Dash. Therefore, everything I say that RD is feeling, the reader should be feeling it as well, as long as it isn't absurd (like if she was to suddenly burst out in tears for no reason).
Here the reader has been waiting for his answer for a long time and should be wanting to know it. Speaking about becoming nervous should make him or her more nervous or just nervous, making it easier for the next trick to work (because I'll appeal to the imagination, which requires a certain set of mind, mostly to be strongly in the story).

The melody took off and began flying around them with strange notes and chords.

Two tricks there.
First, I'll use a lot of words about flying, air, and such ("champ lexical" in french). This makes it easier to believe that the melody is actually related to flying and might be giving that impression. In the mind of the reader, the music and the sky should be associated as the words are in the sentences to trigger the imahination.
Second, speaking of strange notes and chords is there to tell that it only speaks to Pegasus. This helps me because the reader will accept it way easier if the music is "special" than if it was to work on everypony. Also, the word "strange" is very near the concept of "out of the ordinary" which is related to the concept of "magical" which is basically what we cannot explain. That way, I can associate the music and the magic together without saying it directly.

Twilight tried to understand what was going on, but couldn’t figure it out.

Always acknowledge what the reader might be thinking. If I were to directly say that the music has an effect on RD, the reader would resist. By saying that it has no effect on Twilight, I make the reader lower his or her guard and with a transition, I can attack with the effect on RD.

Twilight instantly followed her look and couldn’t believe what she saw.

Transition to RD. The "couldn't believe what she saw" is a manipulation of the reader's mind. The reader should have identified with Twilight who is observing the whole scene the same way the reader wants to observe it: with a very critical eye. As well as Twilight has had the reaction the reader would have probably have.
By saying "couldn't believe what she saw" I actually say that she does believe it (because the human mind cannot accept a negation without thinking of the positive, the same way you would think of a white bunny if I were to say that there is no white bunny in the field). Therefore, I trick the reader in telling him or her he or she actually believes what he or she sees (or is about to see). It doesn't make him or she believe it, but it helps.

Rainbow Dash was quietly listening to the music.

The hardest part begins. The challenge here was to show how the music was taking over Rainbow Dash. The trick I used for that (near the whole sky/flying vocabulary) is a progression.
The whole part begins very slowly, like a spell, in order to provoke some wonder, and then accelerates to come to the point where it goes way too fast for the human mind to be able to follow. Because the human mind isn't able to follow, it isn't able to judge with an analytical point of view and mostly just stays in the state it was before entering the race.

she had let the music take her away high in the sky where everything was possible.

Never underestimate the "everything was possible". The trick is called a suggestion. If a reader was to be, at this point, really into the story, then he or she would be susceptible to accept those suggestions without analyzing them. The same way a suggestion will be taken as true in hypnosis and the same way someone will remember a detail if you suggest him that detail, even if it isn't what the person had seen or heard (harder with feeling).

and close the curtains of illusion around her.

This part of the sentence was there to try and not insult the reader by accepting to say it was all an illusion. I was afraid the reader might be upset if she or he was to think I wouldn't think he or she would still be able to know it was only an illusion RD was having. By acknowledging that fact, I try once again to lower the reader's defences and take him or her at my side.
Also, the idea of "closing" is a suggestion to make the mind of the reader focus only on one thing, here the illusion. And forget about the whole challenge thing.
Also, this is why the whole music thing had to be so long: so that the reader would forget, if possible, that there was a challenge behind it.

Twilight wanted to object, but the rainbow pegasus prevented her to.

This is the transition for the next challenge. Twilight intervenes and says what the reader might want to say. Once again, always asknowledge what the reader might think, it helps him or her identify.

“That’s alright Twilight. I’m still not sure how they did it, but they won this one.” told her Rainbow Dash. And she added: “Could I hear it again?”

That part is here to tell the reader: "Even if you want to defend RD, she doesn't want it. She has accepted her defeat, but isn't sad or angry about it, so you've got no reason to be sad or angry about it." (because at that point, the reader is identifying with Twilight).

They wouldn’t admit it, but every praise, would they come from a huge crowd or from a single pony, was always the best reward they could receive.

Okay, this was a meta reference about the life as a wanna be writer. (Note: I've personnally received some praises that I wish for everyone to receive, because it had already made the whole thing worth it).

But Rarity wasn’t as confident about that one as she was about Rainbow Dash’s challenge.

Just a sentence to say that it won't just be the same thing over and over again. And also trying to create a new tension.
Note: if by that point, the reader hasn't accepted the way RD has lost, this sentence is more than likely to make him or her decide that the story is just moking him or her and hate it.

The age spell:
The whole age spell thing was hard to do. Even now, I know how cheating it looks like. And it is cheating. So I had to acknowledge it was cheating (never insult the reader's intelligence, it's not a good idea...) and say it wasn't cheating at the same way.

To do so, I just made them react that way:

Still, the flower wasn’t aging.

You can't make a flower age.

“I don’t think so.” said the pink pony.

Still can't.

trying to accept that it was really what she was thinking about.

I know you won't accept it easily. But yes, that's how Rarity is going to win.

“The flower is aging, we all are. Wow, can you believe it Twilight, Rarity can do an aging spell.”

Even if she cheated, the judge say she hasn't.

That was ridiculous. And she let it know.

Acknowledge what the reader is thinking.

replied Rarity. “I’m not cheating.” she lied.

Acknowledge that Rarity is cheating. (once again, no negation can come without the affirmation)

And before Twilight could replicate and threaten the plan even more, Rarity added:

Okay, she has just cheated, that's granted, but it doesn't matter, because it was only to buy time in order to do something that isn't cheating. (and let's pray the reader accepts the idea)

“Bring it on Rarity!” she told her with confidence

After the whole cheating thing, that might very well be the reaction of the reader.

“Well then” began Rarity, “I challenge you to create an elephant on a monkey on a cardboard box that they wouldn’t smash with their weight…”

Make the most impossible challenge possible.

Twilight went pale. That was going to be difficult.

Say it might be even possible, but very hard.

“… and all that in an half of infinity.”

And then make it totally impossible. Period.

By that time, the reader should have forgotten about the whole cheating thing, because the mind should be focused on that new challenge. Having it in two parts helps showing how impossible it is, even for the overpowered Twilight (who wasn't a princess at the time).

Rarity bit her tongue.

Give a hint for the resolution at the end.

She quickly glared at Pinkie Pie who was, by chance, playing with a butterfly at the moment.

Tell the reader that Rarity bitting her tongue was a hint, because Pinkie Pie is kind of the omniscient there that would have noticed something, so there was something to be noticed.

“Pinkie Pie, you noted too?”
“I sure did.”

And so did the reader, having to accept, afterwards, that Twilight had said she couldn't do it (even if, obviously, once she knew the trick ,she would have been able to do it right away). Once again, manipulating the reader by emprisoning him or her in accepting something and having to accept having accepted it afterwards (god that sound weird to say in english).

“But!” tried to reply Twilight, “But…”

Reader's thought, very probably.

Twilight, for a moment, thought she should fight, reveal that it was all fake, just cheating all over. But she just couldn’t.

Here, I begin by acknowleging how the reader might be feeling, which makes him accept to read what I'm about to say and, even more importantly, identify with Twilight, so that he or she might accept my suggestion when I say that Twilight couldn't fight back (which means, the reader shouldn't fight back too and just accept it).

“You of all ponies…”. A magic duel. She understood

That part may not be clear enough. But for me, it was clear I was making a reference to the episode "a magic duel" and the fact that Twilight had cheated in order to trick Trixie to think Twilight possessed greater powers than her with the amulet.
But there, the "she understood" is probably making the reader confused, because the reader probably doesn't understand. And therefore, doesn't identify himself or herself with Twilight anymore.

When Applejack thought of defending Twilight, the purple unicorn prevented her to.

Transition, to introduce the next challenge.

last challenge

I guess your art is really way more powerful than I thought.

Another suggestion, in order to make the reader think that what I said was pertinent, in case the reader was wondering if what she or he had read was absurd or actually potentially clever. (which it isn't, so I have to trick him or her in thinking it is).

“Applejack, I…” and she hesitated, before saying: “I forfeit.”

Use the text in between to show the hesitation. The forfeit should be a surprise, due to the fact it followed the same order two times in a row and was beginning the same way for a third time.
And I'm just thinking of that right now, but it may also be a way to tell the reader that I know I've been cheating a lot and that even if I said I have won, I agree that it was by cheating.

“You’re going to sacrifice your victory for my sake?”

Sounds cheasy. Rarity isn't sacrificing anything. This is an exageration.

And that touched Applejack as well as it caught her curiosity.

Transition from the forfeiting thing to showing what was prepared.

When she was finished whispering, she turned to her friend to make sure she was okay. Applejack was shaken. Under her little sister’s eyes, tears began to run along her cheeks.

When you don't have the budget to show something in a film, just use some sounds and have someone commenting it or referencing it. (The nostalgia critic speaking of the neighbours' cat with the hand covered with blood for example).
The same way, here I just say Rarity says something and I show the effects, because I have no idea what those words would be. I'm only counting on the reader's imagination to create those words. It's frustrating for the reader, but less than having to read a very badly written poem that doesn't make sense but would be supposed to make Applejack cry.
It's like when you put a character that is supposed to be very charismatic in your story. It's very dangerous to make him or her make a declaration or a peptalk, because you'll have to be charismatic just as well and if you don't master it, the way you describe your character and the way he or she talks will be very far apart, making it look kind of ridiculous (but if you can write a really charismatic declaration, then go for it. Not saying things is just for me because I just couldn't write it).

Such results and all it took was to tell her the right words…”

Transition to the conclusion with the words "rights words"

Conclusion:

“It’s right, isn’t it?” told her Twilight, “I said the right words, I haven’t lost the duel, I did it even if I thought it was impossible, I actually did it! I did create an elephant on a monkey on a cardboard box in an half of infinity!”

Once again, it seemed way too obvious for me to explain it more, but I think it's not as obvious as I thought it was. Normally, I would have to actually explain it. (saying something is just like drawing something, you've created it).

And as Twilight began to answer, a relieved and proud Sweetie Belle, Rarity and herself began to go back to Ponyville and have a relaxing afternoon that seemed well earned after so many emotions…

Let's finish on a happy end. I shouldn't have put "after so many emotions", because it supposes that the reader has lived those emotions, which might not be the case. It's a wrong choice of words. It would have been better, probably, to use a more neutral formulation like "after all those silly challenges".
And maybe add something about joining with Rainbow Dash and the two musician. The important thing being to show that life goes on and that the whole thing is behind and everypony is happy.

***

That took some time. I'm not sure I've talked about every trick I used (and I didn't use that many), but I can list the most important one:
- using the same structure two times in a row to create a sense of habit in order to create the surprise
- always trying to acknlowedge what the reader might think
- make suggestions to the reader
- associate the music with the concept of sky and flying
- beginning slowly and finishing very fast to prevent the mind to analyze to deeply into the text and forget about the challenge
- create traps for the reader by making him or her accept something and having to accept having accepted it afterward
- play with who the reader identify with to pass some messages
- having the whole conflict being very friendly, so that the stakes wouldn't be too high and the deafeat that much easier to accept

***

I already talked about that story and how much I like it. And I do like it. It's not clever as I would have liked it to be, but that's because I've got a twisted mind. Still, the subject is good. I wanted to say that art is magic, because we can manipulate people with it the same way a magician does. And I show:
- how music can trigger our imagination
- how a drawing can be more than some pigment on a piece of paper ("This is not a pipe" => my own interpretation)
- how we can create things that wouldn't or shouldn't exist by just saying them or even thinking them
- how sometimes words can be very powerful

“The art will always amaze me. Such results and all it took was to tell her the right words…”

I think it all shows in the text, but only on a second degree. The first degree is still only some silly challenges and Rarity cheating.

Well, this is it. These were most of the tricks I used, at those I can think of. Once again, I couldn't do much better, I'm no writer.

Now if you were to ask me why I created it that way, I would reply: "Because it made sense?"
I actually didn't really think about it too deeply. Those are tricks I've been learning to use a long time ago. So when I'm facing a problem, I just use them as a reflex. Which is also why I can't write great things: I'm only half conscious of what I'm doing.

And now I've got to find a way to end that analysis.
Mmmmh...

Let's move on and write something else, because I received the order to create. And I want to follow that order.
Very badly.