Trying my hand at comedy...

Hello guys, I'm trying my hand at comedy and wanted to know if this sample is funny or not:

        Steam Strider jolts up from his bunk as the normal five am alarm goes off throughout Stable Six, something the quite frail unicorn forgot as he up a hoof over his mouth to stop him from expressing his surprise. He soon withdrew his hoof and gasped loudly, looking around erratically in the still very dark room.

        “ I’m gettin’ real tired of this crap Stri, the image isn't very pleasing,” Replied the disembodied voice of Amber Ale to the odd painting emitting from the bunk below her.

        “ And what image would that happen to be?” Strider asked, rubbing his eyes while his heart rate returned back to normal.

        “ Darkness, strange panting, hormone drowning sixteen year old nerd making those noises, and-”

        “ Alright, alright,” Strider cut in, having heard enough, “ nine months and you still think about that.” The unicorn swung his hind legs of the bed and hopped down onto the concrete floor, stretching his stiff limbs.

        “ Hey, it started and never stopped, don't blame me.” The earth pony said, looking down at her Pip-Buck for a second, activating its lantern function, and pointing it down to the colt below. The aid from the mare allowed him to activate the lights to the room, which slightly blinded them both.

        “ Er!” The both groaned in unison, the snow white unicorn recovering quickly and retrieving his glasses from his bedside counter. Ale climbed down the steel ladder and hit the floor with a clack as she jumped off the last peg.

        “ So,” The malt colored mare faced Strider, “ what's the agenda for today?”

        “ You say that as if anything really changes around here,” the unicorn retorted, tying back his mane into a ponytail within his magical veil, “ what are we gunna do? Take the left hallway instead of the right?”

        “ Hey, I’m askin’ you,” She jokingly flicked his striped custard-blue ponytail, “ and what's with this thing here? What possessed you to do this?”

        He shrugged, “ Doc suggested it, he thinks it’ll help me focus more.”

        “ You just want the enemy to think your mare don't you?”

        Strider sighed, “ Shut up.” Ale shrugged off the insult, yawning loudly, looking down at her personal terminal.

        “ Whatever, I think we should get goin’, the Libs are going to get there first.” Strider didn’t object and nodded softly. He dug under his bunk and pulled out two satchels. Both were textured with forest camo and looked relatively light. Strider even took it upon himself to customize them both, by embroidering their names onto the packs.

        All Ale could do was shake her head in pity, having the bag shoved into her face, which only staggered her slightly as she clenched it in her teeth

        “ You focus seems to tend to be more, feminine than normal Stri,”

        “ Since when is embroidering feminine?” Strider question, taking since offence to the comment, looking down at his own pack he held in his veil.

        “ Well, using pink thread is leaning a bit, but doing it in cursive also,” She sucks her teeth, “ well, that makes you mare of the group now.” She wrapped a hoof around him, Steam still looking down at his work.

        “ Well I only had pink and...” He trailed off, taking a moment to glare at her, making her chuckle a bit and pat him on the back.

        “ Come on I’m just messin’,” The mare said, putting on the gear, “ lets just get goin’.”

        He took a moment to look down at his hard more a signed, slinging it onto his back and following Ale out of the living quarters and to the Front.