Pitch Meeting: Not a Brony · 7:08pm Dec 24th, 2022
Okay, I did a Pitch Meeting for the pilot of the show, and that was kind of fun. Unfortunately, My writing brain started poking me for doing a pitch meeting for Not a Brony. My writing mind wouldn't stop poking me until I did this. *sigh.* The trials of writing. Oh well.
And hey, why not go back and critique a story that I wrote almost a decade ago? It...
Wait...
How long?
Jeez.
In any case, I'm still proud of the story. Don't take this as a "oh gosh I was so bad why did I even try?" kind of thing.
Here's a Pitch Meeting for context.
* * * *
Producer Guy: "So you have some fanfiction for me?"
Writer Guy: "Yes sir, I do. It's about this snarky human that gets transported to Equestria and his misadventures therein."
PG: "Well that's always a fun time. What's his name?"
WG: "TD."
PG: "Alright, what does that stand for?"
WG: "What do you mean?"
PG: "I mean... usually when somebody has a name like that, it's a shortened version of his name, so what is TD short for?"
WG: "Eh, it's not short for anything. It's just his name."
PG: "I mean... I guess he can have that name. Does he have any siblings with odd names?"
WG: "Nope, he has a sister named Kristen."
PG: "I... okay. TD. What happens to him?"
WG: "Well, he's a Canadian-American who's getting his degree in elementary education. He has a roommate who is a brony, and so TD watches a few episodes of the show but decides he doesn't like it."
PG: "Okay."
WG: So one day he's walking back to his room when he's almost hit by a car!"
PG: "Oh no!"
WG: "At first he thinks that he's dead, but he wakes up in a field and finds out that he's in Equestria!"
PG: "So why Equestria exactly?"
WG: "Well it is a piece of My Little Pony fanfiction, sir, where else would he end up?"
PG: "Fair enough. So what else happens?"
WG: "Well he wakes up again in the hospital and the Mane Six are there to see how he's doing. He's kind of sharp with them to start out, but he has been transported to the world of a show he doesn't like and has no idea how to get home, so the first meeting is kind of tense."
PG: "Makes sense. So what else happens?"
WG: "Well then Princess Celestia shows up and gives TD a basic rundown, and the vibe he gets is that he can't go home."
PG: "That would make for a very short story if he could. What happens next?"
WG: "He walks up to Celestia and just decks her."
PG: "... he... he what?"
WG: "Yep, thwacks her right in the snoot. The Mane Six almost kill him for that, but Celestia casts a spell and makes sure that he doesn't die."
PG: "Wow, so things are starting off pretty well in Equestria for him."
WG: "No problems so far. He gets out of the hospital and Rarity lets him stay at her house."
PG: "Even though they're probably still mad about him for punching Celestia?"
WG: "Well she is the Element of Generosity, sir. She also uses it as an opportunity to make him some new clothes, because his got destroyed in the hospital."
PG: "Well that's nice of her."
WG: "Very. She doesn't keep him in the freezing spell while she takes his measurements for too long."
PG: "I... so he gets off on the wrong foot because of the whole punching Celestia thing, but the ponies aren't being all that great to him either."
WG: "Well this is an MLP story, so the ponies are justified in all of it."
PG: "I can't help but feel that that's not true at all."
WG: "Hey shut up. Anyway, Pinkie Pie offers him a job at Sugarcube Corner so that he can get a bit of money and have something to do."
PG: "And she doesn't run this by the Cakes at all?"
WG: "No need, she's a main character."
PG: I mean... I guess."
WG: "But TD gets distracted playing solitaire on his computer, so he totally misses his shift!"
PG: "Oh no!"
WG: "Yeah, and Pinkie Pie is super pissed because he Pinkie Promised her that he'd be there."
PG: "She does get mad about that. So what does she do?"
"WG: "She lights him on fire."
PG: "..."
WG: "Oh but don't worry, sir, it's not real fire. He just thinks it is."
PG: "It... I... *sigh* so he ended up in a version of Equestria where everybody is a sociopath. First Rarity and now this?"
WG: "Again, our ponies are perfect and can do no wrong."
PG: "But they've been doing a lot of things wro--"
WG: "And so has he. Again, ponies are perfect and it's his fault, not theirs."
PG: "I just... does anything go his way?"
WG: "Definitely! Sweetie Belle takes him for show and tell, and he actually likes hanging out with the schoolchildren. Cheerilee likes him and is nice to him too... hint hint."
PH: "Huh?"
WG: "Oh nothing. Anyway, he plays hide-and-seek tag with the schoolchildren, and it's the first time he's been happy since coming to Equestria."
PG: "Oh, playing games with children is tight!"
WG: "Uh... yeah. Anyway, after that they find out that they're fictional in his world."
PG: "Oh no! How do they take it?"
WG: "Pretty well, actually. They don't see it as a big deal and look at it through the lens of unlimited alternate universes, so there's a universe out there where he's fictional to them!"
PG: "Well yeah, but they're not freaked out at all? None of them?"
WG: "Nnnnope. Anyway, Pinkie Pie gets him a house as an apology for sort of pretending to light him on fire."
PG: "Wow, that's a pretty big apology. Does she buy it outright, or is it one of those 'here's a house I put the down payment on. I know you don't have a job, but here's the mortgage!'"
WG: "Unclear, but he has a house now. After that it's time to go to the Grand Galloping Gala, and TD goes with them to see Celestia and maybe talk about getting him home, since she said she'd work on it."
PG: "Okay."
WG: "And while he's in Canterlot, a mare sells him a magic staff that is pretty much unbreakable and records your memories for ten bits!"
PG: "Wow, that's something. Why did she do that?"
WG: "Because."
PG: "Was it set up? Why did she pick him? A product like that seems like it would sell for ten thousand bits, not just ten. What was the purpose of that?"
WG: "Listen, sir, I'm going to need you to get aaaallll the way off my back about the stick."
PG: "Okay, let me get off of that, then."
WG: "Thanks! So the Gala happens and he's not enjoying it because it's a pony party, but he does get hit on by a horny Cloud Kicker."
PG: "She's from the Winningverse!"
WG: "She is. Anyway, he actually gets to meet Celestia, and she tells him that she opened a portal to see what would happen and when she was looking, she saw him about to get hit by a car and used too much magic and pulled him into Equestria by mistake."
PG: "Wow, so then what?"
WG: "She tells him she can't send him home. She has no way of finding TD's original world again, and even if she could, the portal only works one way."
PG: "So... isn't the Gala not really the time to tell him this? It's one of the biggest events of the year, and TD could flip out right in front of everyone, and that might kill the mood a little bit. She doesn't know what his reaction will be, so that's kind of a risk."
WG: "Maybe, sir, but it is on brand for her. At a party in Ponyville she brought her dying bird and had to know that that would probably cause some issues."
PG: "Fair enough, so TD doesn't take it well."
WG: "Not at all. He walks out of the room and back to the Gala in sort of a shocked haze, and Celestia follows him, and they talk about the situation some more right in front of everybody."
PG: "Again, this seems like incredibly bad timing for this kind of discussion."
WG: "Maybe, but it does create drama and tension. Blueblood mocks him so TD smashes a pie into his face."
PG: "Oh, so some levity to--"
WG: "Then he punches Celestia in the face again, but harder this time! Pops her right in the snout."
PG: "Well, there goes that."
WG: "Guess so. Since TD hit Celestia again, Princess Luna snaps his spine over the back of a chair!"
PG: "Uh... wow. W-wow. Guy can't catch a break can he? I guess it's going to be difficult to fix that particular issue."
WG: "Actually it's going to be super easy! Barely an inconvenience!"
PG: "Oh really?!"
WG: "See Celestia casts a spell and fixes his spine and everything is okay in that department."
PG: "Wow, that's a really powerful spell! I'm surprised Celestia has any free time, since everybody in the world would be coming to her so she could fix them."
WG: "Eh. After that TD leaves the Gala that has just been ruined because of everything..."
PG: "Yeah, I said that might happen."
WG: "So he goes back to Ponyville and flips out, going full Citizen Kane on his house. The princesses show up to give him a talking to, and Luna is still really mad at him."
PG: "The pony who snapped his spine still thinks he's in the wrong and being unreasonable."
WG: "The ponies can't do anything wrong! After that TD starts reading up on other cultures and survival techniques and a little while later, he leaves Ponyville to go to other countries to see if they can get him home."
"PG: "Wow wow wow... wow."
WG: "So yeah, what do you think?"
PG: "Well it sounds like it could be a fun story. I can't see it branching off into a dozen different timelines where people routinely ask what the best order to read the stories is."
WG: "Ehe... yeah. That won't happen."
At least you got a foot in the door.we should all be so lucky.
5704792
For sure. This story was one of the most influential things in my entire life. If I didn't have a story that took off like this... my writing career would have probably ended a lot sooner.
I really want TDs life to end on a good note. He's honestly gone through WAAY too much shit for a human character. My biggest gripe is Luna's behavior and Celestia's lack of serious intervention in the hospital scene. For somepony who cared so much for him, she sure had no problem letting the mane 6 beat his ass and smile at him in pain. I'd have thought she'd actively stop the fight.
TD is right to never trust Celestia. I really feel bad for the man and he's earned a good life. I guess I get really emotionally invested because he does exactly the same stuff I would do if I was in his shoes. I still remember when this series came out in 2012.
5704794
Now if you made a pitch fic of mlp fanfics .......say my little dashie?
I vividly remember these moments, and almost wish I didn't haha.... need to re-read the story after all these years
5704817
Maybe. These pitch meetings are fun.
Now that was one helluva trip down memory lane. "No I'm not a Brony" was the very series that got me delving into other fics.
Shoot, I remember laughing my ass off when TD punched Celestia with all the "quiet dignity and grace" and his Clint Eastwood impression when babysitting the cake's twins.
Producer Guy has been reading my mind.
I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You definitely nailed the feel of a Pitch Meeting!