) Disney saw fit to re-release The Phantom Menace in cinemas for one week for the film’s 25th anniversary (only two weeks off). It almost slipped my mind until today, hence Monday Musings being a few hours later (advantage of a Bank Holiday, peeps – a freeGhost Mike's Ponyfic Review Monday Musings #40 · 6:05pm Dec 5th, 2022
And, here’s December. Christmas is approaching again fast. So much to do, not enough time. Got gifts to decide on and buy, a Jinglemas entry to write, other fics to at least not fully pause work on, plus video games to play and Ponyfics to write and review. A ghost’s work never dies, you might say. 
But, you know, I’m okay with it. I like being busy enough to not be lazy, without being so busy it gets to be too much. If that makes sense. I’ve at least already read and prepped reviews for the rest of the year, which is a nice, satisfying thing to have done. 
Gets me all warm and fuzzy from the satisfaction, and sure, isn’t that what Christmas is all about?
…Okay, it’s one of dozens of things it’s about, but it’s a valuable part for this spirit. 
Speaking of keeping busy: evidently, if I’m to continue to get my average word count of these Monday Musings higher, I should judge more contests. Because this week isn’t just setting the record of most words reviewed in one week – it was previously barely 50K, so at almost 80K, it’s pole vaulted past it. Yes, still peanuts compared to some reviewers out there for sure, but as they say, it counts. And the quality hasn’t suffered (well maybe the quality of the reviews has, who am I to judge? 
), as this week’s batch of Ancestral Tribute entries, while possessing less highs than the two prior weeks, has a stronger batting average.
Dig on down below for some more parental goodness. Hope you like Twilight Velvet, she’s got several lengthy adventures this time around. Also included: my own Honourable Mention. 
What is it? Keep on reading to find out!
This Week’s Spectral Stories:
No Point Crying Over Spoiled Milk by Mokoma
Yellow Light Waves by Comma Typer
Just a Teacher by Captain Neckbeard
An (almost) perfect day by General Alduin
I want more by Shaslan
A Light for Someone's Sake by Lunaria
RED - Rock Farmers, Extremely Dangerous by ChibiRenamon
Blown Together: a Night Light & Twilight Velvet Adventure by Kris Overstreet
Weekly Word Count: 79,554 Words
No Point Crying Over Spoiled Milk by Mokoma
Genre: Comedy/Slice of Life
Spoiled Rich, OC, Other
9,560 Words
October 2022
Through a most unfortunate set of circumstances, Spoiled Rich finds herself with no staff on hoof in the mansion, and rather out of practice as regards taking care of herself. Plus, there’s the small matter of, y’know, a large party with all manner of important guests approaching in three days' time. When her attempts to make do don’t work out, she has little choice but to open up her eyes to exactly what her character has brought upon herself.
The Author’s Notes (in the long description) admit to the whole story being conceived and written in three days. It would be prudent to deny this is evident in the fic, from somewhat lax pacing, to the different acts not always lining up, to the solution coming because of a completely random choice Spoiled makes, and just enough inconsistencies and moments that repeat themselves. It reads like the first draft that it is.
And yet, this works. The comedy of Spoiled being unable to do much of anything for herself in the first third, before she starts prowling the town for ad-hoc staff, keeps a lot of the early goings fun (perhaps it’s the dearth of comedy fics for this contest, but it really worked for me). Such that by the time the fic starts playing Spoiled’s dilemma for pathos, it actually kind of works. In fact, it’s quite deft at moving between tones and moods throughout, from humour to warmth to depth to goofiness and more. Not as deft as it should be – there’s still a lurch from the emotional beast contrasting against the screwball comedy this starts out as – but there’s some.
The two ingredients that make this work are giving us a vague picture of her past life and what she was trying to move beyond without going into full detail, and having other characters care for and be sympathetic to Spoiled, despite everything. It’s easy to rag on her, but perhaps because this is FiM, this sympathy and empathy ends up sufficing. It’s simple, plain, and unfussed, but it works. The same can be said of the prose style, largely unremarkable but well-tuned to the fic’s needs (both in the comedy early on, the more tragic humour later, and many of the emotional moments throughout).
Plenty of room for improvement, ultimately (lots of logic holes, and the connection between Spoiled’s past and present still needs polishing), but quite the pleasant surprise at the same time, and I’m glad this fic got featured, giving this new-ish author a boost in traffic and confidence. Heck, it actually made Spoiled Rich somewhat sympathetic without mugging for melodrama. It broadly feels like an episode of the show, or at least eliciting a lot of the same reactions, and that’s always nice to see.
Rating: Decent
Yellow Light Waves by Comma Typer
Genre: Romance (Alternate Universe)
Sky Beak, Ocean Flow
17,279 Words
October 2022
Both Sky Beak and Ocean Flow meet again after a long time apart in the small coastal town of Basalt Shores. He, an athlete seeking to rise through the ranks of being a tour guide. She, sister to their country’s queen and doing fieldwork for the Tourism Board. Just happens that their accidental reunion coincides with a magical upheaval the world over, leaving everyone a strange fantasy creature. In the wake of this, with Ocean trapped in the water as a result of her new form, and Sky multitasking helping the village adapt, they must work together again. And live with each other. Plus, y’know, they are still married.
If you’re anything like me, you too were groaning at the rusty notion of a fractured couple reuniting in the wake of an upheaval. Thankfully, this is, if not a fresh or invigorating take on the notion, at least avoiding the usual choices by intent, not least in their relationship not even being split in the usual sense, just a slow death via work distancing over the years. As we learn via the interspaced flashbacks to events that show the state of their relationship over the years (okay, that’s a rusty cliché, but it doesn’t harm the fic too much). Regardless, the examination of both the fall and rise of the marriage is quite lovely, and as discussion is almost always about the present external issues at hand (or claw/fin), quite subdued and nuanced in its own way. The ending doesn’t magically fix everything by any means either.
Meanwhile, the bulk of the fic’s energy is on the fallout in this small town of everyone the world over becoming an Equestrian creature. Reportedly this is set in a series by the same author detailing this event at the focal point, and how the worlds of EqG and FiM adapt to this. Happily, this is no barrier to entry, to the point I wasn’t even aware of the connection until noticing the link in the long description after reading the story. And thus, no stress as we bounce from Sky’s interactions with others around town and doing what he can, boosting morale with choice words and events, to Ocean’s conference calls with her board on what next, all intermingled with choice news from the city on what’s happening. Ideally gets stranded seaponies like Ocean reverted as soon as possible, which remains the story’s core external conflict.
The flow and dialogue is lively and upbeat, making for an engaging and cosy read without descending into outright fluff. Like a lot of longer entries here, it suffers from feeling like an abridged take on its story, but that’s mostly by intent, and it copes adequately enough in this shortened form. It at least knows how to adapt the pacing and events depicted to fit! Leaves us with a good read subverting the worst clichés inherent to its scenario, and with rote but pleasing character beats merged around an intriguing (if unrealistic, given there’s virtually no panic or alarm) depiction of a small community adapting to a sudden change. Quite a pleasurable read!
Rating: Pretty Good
Just a Teacher* by Captain Neckbeard
Genre: Adventure/Mystery (w/Violence)
Twilight Velvet, OC
14,512 Words
October 2022* Fic has been delisted, link points to Fimfetch instead
Twilight Velvet is little more than a teacher of alteration at a prestigious university. Okay, that’s a pretty big deal, but it’s routine enough. Yet when she is sent to retrieve a book that would greatly benefit the school, it soon unravels into an elaborate and dangerous quest, one with far more danger and mystery then she’d figured…
An adventure quest for Velvet that sparks her hunger for thrills is a fine starting point, and while the setup is certainly clunky in the prose, with excessive said-bookisms and peculiar transitions between action, dialogue and thoughts that don’t really let one get a sense of character interiority beyond what we’re directly told, the bones are solid and dependable. Nothing that a little more writing experience can’t smooth over, and not nearly enough to prevent it being enjoyable to read. However, the more the quest goes on, the more it unravels, as it descends into a hodgepodge of pony cultists with muddy, unclear lore, gets its priorities crossed between Velvet’s “arc” and viewpoint, pulls a false red herring that leaves much preceding material feeling useless, and just generally feels like it was being improvised as it went – certainly the spot it ends in doesn’t feel remotely of the same place as when it began.
There’s some reasonable quest and mystery thrills along the way, but even those empty calories feel hollow next to the barbaric storytelling and ideas, especially towards the end. Where the compromised writing technique also hinders the piece further, crippling a character relationship I assume is meant to be touching, though it sure isn’t from this onscreen evidence. Not a total washout, but one that needs to go back to the drawing board.
Rating: Weak
An (almost) perfect day by General Alduin
Genre: Romance/Drama/Slice of Life
Pear Butter, Bright Mac, Granny Smith
3,277 Words
October 2022
What happens when a fairy tale romance has been going on so long that it cannot have that special allure anymore? When familial duties take the whirl out of it. Bright Mac and Pear Butter do their best to organise a day out to rekindle the passion of their youth, and have a truly perfect day once again.
Here, we have another case of a story that is trying to be many things at once, and thus, isn’t really any of them. The core lover’s dilemma and bond between Bright Mac and Buttercup (with none of the strife of the fic’s description or my facsimile of it, incidentally) is raised just frequently enough that I guess it counts as the “main” thread, or at least the most repeated one. Otherwise, we have Applejack being a scamp, Big Mac being a grouch, Granny Smith bemoaning any age-based concerns, and the Apple parents discussing their current situation as well as Buttercup’s father, and how they both feel about it.
This is the most successful part of the story; maybe it’s just that I haven’t yet read a story on Bright Mac’s take on Grand Pear’s abandonment, ten years later, but the opinions, tensions and resolution of both ponies here feels natural and right, even if it’s still clunky and a little stilted in the same way as the rest of the fic.
Sadly, the ending does what these fics apparently must do, and it’s not remotely earned or deserved off of the fic’s actual content and execution. Not when it’s this scattershot and lax. This squash of a landing deflates many of the quiet strengths the fic did have going for it, alas.
Rating: Weak
This story was disqualified for incorporating the Apple children, and their parents’ role as parents, too much to be just a side feature. I just happened to read it before it was, as opposed to other disqualified entries that got the boot before I’d gotten to them. So, it still gets a review.
I want more by Shaslan
Genre: Slice of Life
Twilight Velvet, Celestia, Night Light
2,324 Words
October 2022
Part of her family heritage, and her duty to the crown, is that, once at a certain age, Twilight Velvet must marry and provide an heir. But locking down her life so young, when there’s so much more she wants to do? She cannot accept this… even if it means having her family name of many generations forever disgraced.
Obviously a premise like this could only be a snapshot of the greater whole at barely 2.3K, though the reduced scope isn’t inherently a problem. However, the particular way this spills out, it feels dreadfully incomplete (and point of fact, it was marked as incomplete for the first few hours after publishing, leading me to believe Shaslan realised they couldn’t write the rest in time). Velvet’s urge for more isn’t given any concrete goal or even a vague direction. More importantly, the fic spends a lot of its energy laying out the traditions of noble families that have served Celestia over the centuries, and while it’s lore that differentiates the circumstances, it doesn’t amount to a whole lot in the grand scheme of things.
That said, the baseline exchanges and characterisations work, and while Velvet is far too sombre and quiet and not-exuberant here to feel like herself, it at least matches with her desire for thrills in the show (though here, she’s only shown to not want to be a partner with foals, and is fine with the other courtly duties, so still not quite). So, a mixed effort. The more game one is of Canterlot unicorn historic lore, regardless of how well-integrated it is to the story, the more this might suffice.
Rating: Passable
A Light for Someone's Sake by Lunaria
Genre: Adventure/Slice of Life (w/Profanity)
Twilight Velvet, OC, Minuette, Other
17,956 Words
October 2022
Despite enjoying and taking great pride in her work as a magus, Twilight Velvet is ready to retire, now with two foals to look after. Thankfully, her retirement has been fast-tracked; just one last mission to do first. Looks to be simple enough, just backup to a time anomaly investigation. This turns out to be a thought she regrets when she finds herself completely isolated from the rest of Equestria, and with another to look after, no less. All she can do… is survive. Even if it takes years.
Yup, it’s a “stranded and isolated away from civilization” story, with a time anomaly element present so it doesn’t invalidate canon to have Velvet spend years away from her children. Okay, I kid, it does serve to keep them stuck in the first place too, but one nagging element of this fic, on top of the largely-acceptable time anomaly gobbledegook, is how it devotes just enough time and energy to the actual mystery that it cannot fall back on remaining cryptic and anonymous as its intention. Yet then it fails to provide anything like a satisfying conclusion, with an anti-climax making a hash of the source of this mess and a non-resolution. Obviously word count limits are a problem, and that’s fair, but considering the promise made to the reader they will get an answer, on top of much of the fic being low-key scenes of Velvet and her charge within the anomaly living as best they can, this decision is most perplexing.
In any case, what with the bulk of the fic alternating between snapshots of years of Velvet’s life, as well as the steps that got her into this mess (the source of the reader being promised a proper resolution; I think that portion should have received far less scenes), the main draw is showing how a pony survives in a situation like this, having to be a mother to someone else rather than their own. It’s engaging, make no mistake. Certainly rather rough, with unsure direction much of the time, and a rather poor handle on making the prose capture the inner turmoil and emotion of a scenario like this. But it works well enough in the context of reading it to make the fic enjoyable.
That’s enough to make me reasonably positively disposed towards the fic, despite various other oddball choices – a lax appearance by A.K. Yearling, other unresolved threads that shouldn’t have been included and don’t amount to anything, most character pronouns (especially for the filly) switching to “they/them” midway through for no apparent reason, and having Minuette be an adult mare with Velvet on the mission despite her future fellow schoolpony Twilight Sparkle being, y’know, a toddler back home (and no, we don’t get the easy out of Minuette mentioning having a toddler sharing her name too). Room for improvement, but satisfying in the moment.
Rating: Decent
RED - Rock Farmers, Extremely Dangerous by ChibiRenamon
Genre: Comedy
Igneous Rock, Luna
4,410 Words
October 2022
To say the music concert his daughter has dragged him and his family to is not to Igneous Pie’s liking would be a gross understatement. Still, it’s important to her, and presumably to all these ponies that look to be enjoying it. So when he sees an assassin preparing to take out the concert’s DJ, he does not hesitate to show exactly where Pinkie and her sisters get their fight from. And in the process, meet another old soul whom he can enlighten.
One of the immense pleasures of fanfiction is seeing two characters interact that, even in fanfiction, you would never think of a situation where they would meet. Igneous and Luna meeting and sharing common ground on just not getting the world of modern music is one of those things that only sounds appealing when you’re reading it, but it is. Especially the way it’s done here, balancing the right amount of Old English Equestrian between the two. And that’s only a small portion of what happens (good thing too that it doesn’t run that material into the ground, quickly moving into philosophical reflecting on the world moving along, even if one doesn’t get it, and one can only do what they can to help it without dominating it) – along the way, we have Igneous receiving instant support from various family members, interactions with an assassin way out of his league, and fun running side jokes. Oh, and a hilarious coda that feels all too appropriate.
It is, of course, a crackfic (someone being hired to kill a musician is brushed over, after all). But it’s a fun one, and quite a different way to show off a Pie parent than the usual slow, methodical farm-set fic (plus, like most Mane 6 parents, the father rarely gets spotlighted over the mother, it’s deserved every once in a while). If the above sounds delightfully kooky, you know you want it.
Rating: Pretty Good
Blown Together: a Night Light & Twilight Velvet Adventure by Kris Overstreet
Genre: Adventure
Twilight Velvet, Night Light
10,236 Words
October 2022Ghost Mike's Honourable Mention (
)
To Night Light, this gig as a junior royal guard is just a means to fund his way through accounting school. But a means that he enjoys! Though, there wasn’t exactly anything in the rulebook about dealing with fearless junior reporters that came knocking with circumstantial evidence of a conspiracy to steal a valuable artefact. Especially one happening too soon to report it through the proper channels. Thus he finds himself roped into a stealthy investigation, one involving subterfuge, double-crossing, asides on accounting, and more than a bit of funky chemistry with his partner in espionage. A precursor to his future childrens’ talents and escapades? Sure, why not.
Another entry, another offbeat take on the meeting of a set of Mane 6 parents. Though this being a comedy-adventure sets it apart. Both Night Light and Twilight Velvet have a great character dynamic, wonderfully offbeat in their own individual ways, enough so that the rusty trope of a young reporter going undercover to crack a case and prove themselves largely works here. The story totally sells us on these two hitting it off without realising it right away, quite alike yet different as they are, and all in a bouncy, breezy way.
Indeed, I’m not sure where the Comedy tag went, for this is quite funny, from Night Light being a little slow on the uptake at first, both to his fellow guards’ opinions of him and Velvet trying to explain things, to an incident at the market, to exactly what happens when they confront the thieves and the resulting fallout. Though if you like your Greek Mythology, you’ll be happy. Indeed, this is the rare entry here that actually peaks at the ending, rather than flatlining, softening or dovetailing, which leaves it feeling all the better on the way out.
As a heist caper, and an energetic yet lovely meet cute between two ponies, you can’t go too wrong here. If you’re anything like me, you’ll have a wry, amusing time.
Rating: Really Good
Spooky Summary of Scores:
Excellent: 0
Really Good: 1
Pretty Good: 2
Decent: 2
Passable: 1
Weak: 2
Bad: 0
Those last two certainly have my attention.
I haven't done anything with contests in ages. Never judged one, though I've considered it a time or two (unless you count the writeoffs, I guess?). I really like contests, they tend to inspire great ideas in me, but I stopped joining them because they kept getting in the way of all my own eternally delayed projects. A pity, I rather miss them.
5701791
My "hm, I should judge more of these to have weightier weeks" point was largely in jest, especially as this only reached 80K off of having 8 fics, meaning the average per story was basically the same as my prior biggest review week.
I don't know if I'll actually continue to judge. Mostly depends on whether I'm asked, or if I see open judging calls for one that piques my interest. Honestly, I was probably reaching for things to open this review week with, and coughed up that word vomit. Still, I've produced worse.
Makes sense, you are juggling a lot of those projects (and, to judge from opening paragraphs on review blogs from years past whenever I follow a link, that's not just confined to the last few years). Ironically, I have yet to write Ponyfic (that I've published, anyway) outside of contests myself, if one counts Jinglemas.
I have trouble being confident enough in ideas to pursue them to a fully fleshed-out form, so it often takes external motivation to push me into such things.
Honestly, while I do want to write Ponyfic at a greater rate than two a year, I'm not that bothered by this: writing occasionally honestly suits me fine right about now. Leaves the dedication for the longer writing projects! As you well know.
5701806
Ah, yes, the familiar struggle of "I ain't got nothing to talk about, but I can't write nothing!" I feel ya.
Ha, I'm happy you got some enjoyment out of the little crackfic that could. I had a blast writing it, even though I did ask myself at times if writing TWO characters with Ye Olde
EnglisheEquestriane had been one of my smarter life choices.Like PaulAsaran, I really like contests, but it's often hard to make time to write down the story, especially if inspiration comes late. I missed the Species Change contest (inspiration came in the last week of November), and I might miss the M/M Shipping Contest deadline (AGAIN), so I'm glad I at least got something done for this one.
Thanks for taking the time to judge all the entries - these contests wouldn't be possible without people like you!
Blown Together was an absolute hoot.
But RED immediately has my attention for being Pinkie-parent focused (my favorite out of the parental 6... er, 12), and shall get a read sooner rather than later.