"That's a new face." An earth pony was looking at her from behind a counter. "Come on in."
It was Bon Bon, in the flesh, and fur. "Hello." Comforting stepped inside properly, willing the door shut behind her. "I met your girlfriend outside and--"
Bon Bon colored swiftly. "Hey!" Suddenly, the door clicked locked. Blinds folded tightly on the windows and the room was plunged into gloom. "Did she tell you that or did somepony else blab?" She was approaching Comforting with a calculating scowl.
Comforting flipped her little ears back. She had said something wrong! What was it... Oh! Right, she had never been told those two were, at all, in a relationship. That wasn't even confirmed! Comforting has just blabbed fan canon at a pony and they were upset. She might have been wrong entirely! Or maybe she had been right? Either way was bad! "Um!"
Bon Bon circled the nervous filly. "You're hiding something, I can tell." Bon Bon leaned in but didn't make contact. "Confessing will make this a lot easier. Who told you that?!"
"My name is Comforting!" It came out in more of a squeak than a calm statement. "Lyra said to ask you about a 'welcome to Ponyville' bag?"
Bon Bon hiked a brow. "She would do that, but did she tell you about the other thing or not? Who talked?" It went from dim light to blinding light as Bon Bon slid in an interrogating lamp over Comforting, shining on her in a harsh glare. "Fess up, Comforting. If that even is your real name!"
"It is!" Comforting waved at the lamp in a feeble attempt to block the harsh light. "I'm sorry!" Did she miss a part of Bon Bon's backstory? Why was the candy maker being so aggressive? "I didn't mean to hurt anyone, really."
"Right." Bon Bon leaned past the bright lamp. "Let's start from the top. Who are you?"
"Comforting Shade!" She was getting very little shade, and none of it was comforting...
"And where are you from?" Bon Bon's eyes were set on Comforting, unwavering in its intensity.
"Celestia brought me." She threw out her magic and the light dimmed, but only for a moment. The flowers she had made burst into flames. Made of magic, the fire was short-lived, allowing the light to glare upon her.
Bon Bon squinted. "That did not match your cutie mark." She brought the lamp closer, its heat spilling over the filly. "Are you a wizard? Who taught you?!"
"I'm learning!" Big tears stung at her eyes as her nose began to run. It was too much happening all at once. "I'm sorry!" she got out in a choked sob. "Please stop being angry at me!"
Bon Bon let out a slow sigh as she pushed the lamp aside, returning the room to cool shade. A comforting shade, if one dared to think about it. "Sorry. You really are scared, aren't you?" Comforting nodded without words. "Sorry... Look... When somepony comes rushing in here with information they shouldn't have had, I get a little on edge... A lot on edge..." She nudged the lamp further away. "Want to tell me what's going on?"
Comforting flopped forward, catching her breath. To Bon Bon's credit, she was allowed to just catch herself in a long moment of just existing. "That was... partly my bad... Um... I'm not here to hurt anyone, I swear. I heard you were giving out tasty candy?"
"That I am." Bon Bon returned to the counter. She must have pressed some button back there, considering the door unlocked and the windows flipped open. Natural light spilled into the candy store as she waved at her many jars of candy. "More than you could even imagine! Now, come on and I'll get you the bag Lyra promised. I still want to know how you knew that though. Did she tell? Be honest."
Comforting smiled, even if her nose was still running and she felt like a mess. The shop looked lovely when she wasn't being interrogated in it. "One, hm, 'Welcome to Ponyville' bag, please?" She worked her hooves together. "And I just heard, since you two were... together a lot."
Bon Bon darkened, but she was gathering things in a paper bag despite that. Professionalism. "Oh, Celestia! Were we that obvious?" She peeked over her shoulder. "They're talking about us?" A new thought came and her eyes widened. "And I... I'm so sorry! I was a real heel." She clopped a hoof to her face. "You get one more bag, on me. That was all my mistake." She placed the welcome bag on the counter. "What's your favorite kind of candy? I got sweet, sour, chocolate? Extreme and mild! Mix them together for fun. Trust me, sour chocolate is more tasty than you'd think."
Comforting couldn't help the giggle that bubbled from her. She wiped her runny snout on her arm, but paused halfway. "This..." She was just spreading the mess. "Do you have a tissue."
"Sure thing." Bon Bon set a napkin beside the bag she had made. "Like fruit? We got fruit candy in all the above varieties. Strawberry, raspberry, blueberry? Lot of berries, come to think... Lemon, watermelon!" She was counting sweets as if nothing had happened, putting that awkward situation right behind her.
Comforting came closer and cleaned herself with the given napkin and a few snotty sniffles. "Thank you... Sorry for scaring you." She had almost said Bon Bon's other name, but cut herself short of that. Who knew how Bon Bon would react?! That was a safe name, seeing as Lyra had used it. "Why do you have an interrogating lamp?"
Bon Bon glanced past Comforting at the abandoned lamp. "What, that? That just helps me make candy! Some candy really needs a precise hoof. Like jewelry making, but a lot sweeter... or sourer... depends." She shrugged with a smile. "Now, Comforting, that's your name right? What am I getting you?"
Comforting willed the welcome bag to float beside her. "Um..." There were so many jars to choose from. Picking one from the many was not an easy task. "You make so many..."
"Sure do." Bon Bon tapped the wall and a jar fell right off. Fortunately, it went right into her waiting other hoof. "If you're really not sure, why not a Bon Bon? Just like me." She set the jar of bon bons right in front of Comforting. "A nice variety pack here. Chocolate with a surprise in each one."
That surprise was usually liquor, in the other world. Comforting doubted ponies would use that as their surprise, and especially not to give it to a little child. "I never had that." There was a lot she didn't taste yet with her new pony tongue. "But now is a good time."
"Daring! I like it." Bon Bon got to filling a second bag with bon bons. "Try them out. If you don't like them, tell me. If you do like them... tell me anyway." She set the bag in easy grabbing range. "Sorry again. Let's just forget all about that."
Comforting took the second bag with her magic, floating both nearby. "Thank you, for the candy. I'm sure it'll all be good. I stay with Fluttershy." She pointed the way. "She adopted me."
"Aw!" Bon Bon smiled with a warmth that was hard to compare to her suspicious glare. "That's really nice of her. But, then, being nice is her specialty. Welcome to Ponyville! You came from Canterlot?"
Canterlot was where Celestia stayed, and home to a lot of unicorns... "Um..." It was a decent excuse, but it was also a fib.
"Is it a secret?" Bon Bon inclined her head. "I've grilled you enough for one day." She made a shooing motion with her hooves. "So you get on and enjoy that candy. If you want to tell me, I'm right here, being curious." But she didn't chase or demand answers as Comforting departed.
Comforting fled the store and sank against a building. She drew the second bag up and poked her snout inside, sniffing. Chocolate. Mmmm. "She picked a good kind." She smiled with growing joy. "I'll enjoy these... But I could enjoy them more." She trotted off in search of something. Or somepony, if one wanted to be specific.
She did not find the ponies she was aiming for, instead coming upon the Cutie Mark Crusaders giving some kind of sermon to a crowd. They were talking about destinies and the finding thereof. Many of the ponies in that crowd didn't have a cutie mark, watching with fascination as if the speech might help them fix that condition.
Comforting waited until it was all done and tried to pay attention, but she already had a mark. Her destiny was shaping up! She was a helpful little filly with a destiny of being a helpful pony, like her mom was to be nice, especially to animals. It ran in the family! Even if they weren't tied by blood.
"Hiya!" Comforting approached the fillies with a grin. "Inspiring speech." She had heard maybe half of it, being generous. "They were really paying attention."
Apple Bloom pumped a hoof. "Ah knew it! We're really reachin' them. You don't need that kinda help though, mostly. Only mostly though."
Scootaloo leaned forward. "There are ponies with a mark that still aren't sure they are where they need to be. We're here to help!"
"No mark, confused mark, wrong mark? We will lend a hoof." Sweetie nodded with assurance. "That's what we do. Consider us the cutie mark counselors, unlike Starlight."
Apple Bloom shrugged. "She's a general kinda counselor. Good at her job, but we specialize." She offered a hoof, and all three met in a loud clop. "Now what's up? Ya got two somethin's right there."
All three looked at the floating bags curiously, ears trained on them as if they would whisper their secrets if one listened hard enough.
Comforting brought her hooves together in a loud clop. "I was hoping to find a friend. Bon Bon gave me a bunch of candies and I'd rather share them rather than gobbling them all up by myself."
Sweetie giggled loudly. "Aw! That's nice of you. I will gratefully accept your offer."
"Count me in!" Scootaloo pumped a hoof, tail wagging energetically. "Just the thing to get our energy back after that work."
"Sounds good." Apple Bloom reached up to poke a bag. "What are they? Reckon they're good if they came from Bon Bon."
"Ta da!" Comforting set down the bag of bon bons and pulled it open so they could all see the chocolate bounty. "Way too much for me to eat all at once."
"Ooo." Sweetie willed three out of the bag and shared with her friends. Soon all three were chewing with pleased expressions on their faces.
Comforting floated one up into reach and snapped at it. An explosion of raspberry filled her mouth. Raspberry liquid of some kind that had its own sharp taste. "Ooo!" It wasn't a bad taste, she quickly decided as she snapped anew at the floating candy, making short work of it. "Bon Bon is good at these. Does she make them herself?"
Scootaloo talked with her mouth full, giving a peek of the chocolate she was destroying in the process, "Pretty sure! Where else would she get them? Ugh, no way mail order candy would taste as good."
Things grew quieter for a time as the fillies enjoyed their candies. There was no time to talk when there was quality candy waiting to be chomped on.
"Comforting?" Fluttershy was coming closer. "Ah, hello." She nodded at the CMC with a gentle smile. "Are you all getting along?"
Apple Bloom snapped a salute. "Comforting is sharing her candy with us. It's right neighborly of her, ah reckon. Good candy too." She bit her next captive bon bon right in half. "Ya raised a good filly right here."
Fluttershy giggled at the praise. "Oh my. I can't really take credit. She came as she is. I'm just lending a hoof."
Comforting dashed under a hoof in its motion. "A good hoof!" She nestled with her adoptive mother. "The best!"
Poor Comforting, she let her meta knowledge of the show and its fan canon run away with her. She needs to be more careful about what she says to who. That was scary to her for a little bit.
At least it ended well in a comforting scene with friends and her mom.
great chapter!
keep it up!!~
Comforting's initial scare with a suspicious Bon Bon was very relatable to me.
I could see myself winding up in a similar situation easily, right down to meta knowledge of the show and fandom leading to a situation where I'd be crying in front a "famous person."
But I'm real glad that Bon Bon calmed down as soon as she saw Comforting crying. The shift from Scary Secret Agent Bon Bon to Happy Candy Mare Bon Bon was such that I felt like I could really feel Comforting's relief.
I also love that Comforting isn't technically lying when she says she knew Bon Bon and Lyra were dating because she'd "heard they had been together a lot." ~
It's also a nice nod to Comforting's previous life, that she figured Bon Bon wouldn't be giving her a liquor surprise in the bon bons.
You continue to excel at body language. In particular, Comforting dealing with a runny nose after crying, and the mystical "body language" of Comforting's stress leaking into the Flower Carpet spell, went a long way.
I'm also glad that Comforting made sure not to blurt out Bon Bon's toyline/secret agent name. ^_~
Bon Bon's voice, like Lyra's was perfect, and it was fascinating to see her and Comforting interacting, despite the very rocky start.
When Comforting said that she could "enjoy them more", I had a feeling she was going to share the candy, and I'm glad I was right.
I thought it was adorable that Comforting thought about how close her special talent and her mom's is, despite them not being blood related, and it was great for Fluttershy to show up in person and hammer that home in the end. ~
Even if this chapter wasn't originally planned, I'm glad you followed your muse! It's great and really plays to both Comforting's strengths and the strengths of the story in general!
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My original thought was: Time for that party! But wait, she was just invited to see Bon Bon. Oh well, that won't take long.
Damn it, they keep interacting! Ponies! Stop it! Stahp! Okay, they're done... We're how many words in?! Shoot... Guess we'd better wrap this up...
And here we are, with egg on my face. Bon Bon has a special place in my heart, silly mare.
11207779
Ha!
That's so fun, it's amazing when the characters can just take on lives of their own and "derail" things like that. :D
And agreed, Bon Bon is a treasure.
i'm pretty sure equestria's secret service is in one of top ten most useless governmental agencies. right beside royal guards and wonderbolts.
Well this was an amusing runaway chapter. I know how those go even if mine left me in tears.
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I aim for it more than not. I do not write stories so much as incident reports, as I've heard it said. If I know the characters well, they want to do things, and I let them.
The comma in that sentence is unnecessary, there is no reason to have a pause there. But, if you moved the comma to the end of the sentence, you could combine it with the sentence that came after it, like this: "Thank you for the candy, I'm sure it'll all be good."
The second "rather" is unnecessary and being there makes it grammatically incorrect. Try this, it keeps the style while hardly changing the sentence: "I was hoping to find a friend. Bon Bon gave me a bunch of candies and I'd rather share them than gobble them all up by myself."
(Put in spoilers so people who haven't read the chapter yet don't see it unless they want to.)
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You're correcting in-dialogue grammar, which can often not be grammatically correct, intentionally. Listen to people talk and you will discover that anyone who speaks with pristine grammar sounds... unusual. That pause was unrequired.
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Sorry. Just thought I would point out what I noticed...
11209757
No harm. I like typos that are found!