Chapter 1
It was a bright summer day today in the small town of Ponyville. The sky was clear of clouds, thanks to the diligence of the weather team, Princess Celestia’s sun was shining nice and strong in the sky. There was a nice gentle breeze blowing through, making the day perfect for a nice walk through the park or a picnic. Yes it was overall a perfect day here in Ponyville, and everypony was making sure to enjoy it.
Everypony that is, except for Celestia’s prize pupil and all around bookworm, Twilight Sparkle who had her face buried in book after book doing what she does best, studying. At the moment she was in the middle of a four day studying binge preparing for a task given to her by none other than the princess herself. Much to the annoyance of a certain purple dragon, who had to not only perform his normal duties of cleaning the library that also made up their home, but also was forced to take on Twilights duties. Things such as taking care of anypony who just so happened to need a book. These tasks were made infinitely harder by Twilight herself. She would constantly put one book down, grab another one, and shortly after grabbing that one, put it down, and send Spike to get another one. Spike didn’t hate the work, but there were times he wished he could have a bit of help in these tasks. At the moment, he was desperately trying and failing to get Twilight to go with him to the picnic with the rest of their friends.
“Twilight come on! You’ve been cooped up in here for the last 4 days and you haven’t eaten since yesterday!” Spike was getting frustrated at all his failed attempts to get Twilight away from the books. “You know everypony’s expecting you to be there. They’ll be so disappointed if you don’t come.”
“I can’t leave now Spike, I’m 'in the zone' as Rarity would say. I’ve almost gotten all the information I need to complete the assignment Princess Celestia has given me. And besides, I’m not even hun…” Before Twilight could finish her sentence she was rudely interrupted by her stomach growling loudly; complaining to its owner that it needs to be fed. Twilight groaned and hung her head in defeat. “Fine, I’ll go to the picnic.”
********************
It took the two of them about 10 minutes to reach the clearing where three mares were waiting for them. When they reached the spot they were immediately greeted by the orange coated farm pony.
“Well howdy there Twi. Ah was afraid we were gonna have ta drag ya here. Looks like Spike was able ta convince you ta drop the books and come have fun fer once,” Applejack drawled out in an upbeat voice.
“Yea, what the hay is up with that! You haven’t been enjoying this amazing weather we’ve been having thanks to yours truly,” stated the always boastful Rainbow Dash who was hovering just behind Applejack.
“It’s nice to see you Twilight,” Fluttershy said with a small smile present on her face.
“Hi girls, sorry I haven’t been around much lately,” Twilight apologized with a sheepish look on her face.
“You haven’t been around at all,” Rainbow Dash interrupted, earning her a stern look from Applejack. “What?”
"I know, but I’ve been so nervous about this assignment, and I just want to make sure nothing goes wrong.”
“Nervous is an understatement. You’ve hardly gotten any sleep since you started. I practically had to drag you up to bed on multiple occasions,” Spike said. “I even had to threaten to burn all of her data yesterday to get her to eat and go to bed. Her reaction was hilarious...until she started hyperventilating. After I calmed her down she finally ate some dinner and went to bed.”
“Well, it sounds like a picnic with yer friends is just what you need Twi. Some time out of that stuffy ol library will do ya a world of good,” Applejack said.
“Speaking of friends, where’s Rarity and Pinkie? I expected us to be the last ones here,” Twilight questioned, just now noticing the absences of the beautiful fashonista and Ponyville’s very own premiere party pony.
As if on cue, Twilight was immediately tackled in a patented Pinkie Pie hug, knocking the air out of her lungs. “Hiya Twilight! It’s been so long since we’ve seen you! Oh, we should throw you a “You’re finally done with all of your studying party!” Pinkie Pie yelled while continuing her relentless hug.
After about a minute, Pinkie finally let Twilight go allowing her to get enough air in her lungs to speak. “Hello to you too Pinkie, but I’m afraid I’m not done yet. I’ve almost gotten all the information I need to start the experiment. After I finish with that, I just need to acquire a few things from around the town, the hardest being a flawless star shaped diamond approximately 4 inches in diameter.”
“Oh darling, that shouldn’t be a problem. I should have a big enough diamond back at the boutique. I could just take it to Fine Cut and have him shape and polish it into the perfect shape,” Rarity called out from a short distance away carrying small basket and a large intricately designed thermos. “Sorry I’m late girls, I had some last minute business at the boutique to take care of.” Rarity joined the rest of the group exchanging hellos.
While Twilight was happy the diamond wouldn’t be as hard to find as she thought it would be, she couldn’t let Rarity give her something that valuable. “Oh thank you for the offer Rarity, but I couldn’t just take something like that without at least paying Fine Cut for the work.”
“Oh no I insist darling. I would gladly help you with your assignment from the princess. Besides, I’ll need Spike's help hunting more gems soon anyway. I think letting me borrow the little dear for the day would be payment enough.”
Spike who had been fawning over Rarity since she arrived finally spoke up. “Of course I’ll help you Rarity, I’d do anything for you.”
“Settle down there lover boy. Since were all here, why don’t we start eatin. Ah’m hungrier than herd of buffalo,” Applejack jumped in, adding herself to the conversation.
“That is marvelous idea Applejack. I too am quite peckish, just let me get the paper plates and...” A loud gasp met the rest of the group as Rarity stopped mid sentence with a horrified look on her face. “Oh no, this can’t be happening, this is The worst! Possible! Thing!” She cried before using her magic to pull a fancy couch seemingly out of nowhere and dramatically throwing herself onto it.
“Oh dear, what happened Rarity?” Fluttershy squeaked out from her hiding place behind Pinkie.
Rarity pushed herself up before speaking again. “I’ve forgotten the napkins! Now what are we going to use to wipe our mouths and hooves while eating!” She then proceeded to flop back onto the couch.
“That’s it?” Rainbow Dash groaned between bites of a daisy and tulip sandwich. “I thought it was something important.” She then wiped her mouth with the back of her hoof much to the horror of Rarity.
The rest of lunch went on without a hitch and Rarity lead Twilight and Spike to her boutique to see if she did have a diamond that would suit her needs. After they put the basket and the remaining paper plates away, Rarity set out on finding the diamond with Spike floating right behind her the entire time. After a few minutes, Rarity returned to Twilight with her prize.
“This will be perfect, thank you so much Rarity.”
“No need to thank me darling. Now come along, if you want this finished by tomorrow we should get to Fine Cut immediately.”
********************
“Hmmm, well it certainly is flawless, but shaping this will take some time,” The older unicorn stallion said as he closely examined the diamond. “If I had to guess, it will probably be done in about in about two days.”
“Two days? Are you sure you can’t finish it sooner than that?” Twilight asked hopefully.
“I’m afraid I have too many other jobs right now to finish it before then,” He said in a level tone.
“Oh Twilight it will be fine, and trust me you don’t want to rush an artist such as him.” Fine cut gave a proud smile at Rarity’s compliment. “Besides it will give you some more time to prepare yourself for the experiment.”
“I suppose you're right, thank you for your time Mr. Cut.”
“No worries Ms. Sparkle, now for the price. With the Ms Rarity’s frequent business discount the total comes out to 35 bits.” Rarity took out her purse and paid Fine Cut before leaving the shop.
********************
The day had finally come. Twilight would finally finish her assignment and report her findings to Celestia. While Spike was resting, Twilight took her time collecting rest of the materials needed. Spike was cheery after his day off and raring to go; setting up for the experiment as Twilight went to go pick up the diamond from Fine Cut’s place. “Good morning Mr. Fine cut.”
“Ah good morning Ms. Sparkle. I just finished your order about an hour ago.” He walked into the back room of the store. When he came back he was holding a brilliant star shaped diamond, perfect in every way.
“Oh Celestia, it’s so beautiful. Thank you so much.” Twilight nearly gushed at the sight of the beautiful diamond. She was almost afraid to take the diamond out of his magical hold. She didn’t want to risk scratching it in any way. He wrapped the diamond in fine velvet like cloth and put it in a hard cushioned case so not to scratch it and handed it to Twilight. She thanked him and trotted out of the shop, making a b-line for her library.
********************
She arrived just in time as Spike had just finished setting up the experiment. “So Twilight, you never explained to me what were doing here.”
“Well Celestia wanted me to try a new spell that was just discovered by some of the scientists at the Lunar Institute of Science. It requires an immense amount of magic and Celestia said she trusts me to be able to pull this off. With help of the other materials, we’ll channel magic through the diamond and it will open a portal to another dimension. If done right, the spell should deposit something from the other dimension into our dimension where we will be able to study it and find out something about said dimension.”
“You lost me at 'channel magic through the diamond',” Spike stated in a flat tone
Twilight just sighed as she magically lifted the diamond into the center of the circle. “Stand back Spike.” Spike stood at the edge of the room as Twilight started up the spell. The pink light around Twilight’s horn started dim as she slowly channeled magic into the diamond but quickly began to brighten as she continued. The diamond began to glow as magical energy was being pushed into it. About 30 second into the spell, the diamond began glow a bright blue and started to float in the air. All Spike could do was sit back and watch in amazement.
After another 30 seconds the diamond began to give off a bell like humming sound. Twilight was exhausted, and her body was covered in sweat. The spell was exhausting to say the least. She didn’t know how much more of this she could take. Suddenly the diamond stopped taking in magical energy. The light the diamond gave off became blinding, making Twilight flinch and cover her eyes with her hooves. The diamond gave off a loud thunderous boom as the energy exploded outward. After the explosion the diamond proceeded to fizzle out and gently fall to the ground.
“What happened?” Spike asked shaking in fear under a pile of books that were knocked off the shelf in the explosion. Spike had to wait to get his answer. Twilight needed to get her bearings again before she did anything. He had to help her up and help her into a chair so she wouldn’t collapse on the floor. After she slowly finished a couple glasses of water, she was finally able to speak.
“I don’t know Spike, but I think Celestia will want to know about this as soon as…” She couldn’t finish her sentence as she almost collapsed in the chair. The spell had taken more out of her than she had originally thought.
Afraid to leave her alone in this condition, Spike woke up Owlowiscious and told him to go get one of their friends. About 10 minutes later, Owlowiscious came flying through the window with Applejack following through the door seconds later. The first thing she noticed was the general state of the room. Most of the books were knocked off the shelves. The pictures on the wall had fallen to the floor. All of the windows on the main floor had been blown out. “What in tarnation happened in here?” It was then that she noticed a barely conscious Twilight slumped over in the chair. “Twilight, are you OK?!”
“I think she’s just exhausted. Could you help me get her up to bed? I don’t want to try moving her alone in this state.” Applejack just nodded as Spike gently got Twilight onto Applejacks back. They got her into bed where she almost immediately fell asleep. After tucking her in, Spike and Applejack quietly walked back into the main room.
“Ah’ll go get the nurse. Ah wanna make sure she’ll be alright.” The worry was obvious in Applejacks voice.
“Good idea, I think I’ll start cleaning up around here while I wait,” Spike said as he started picking up books. Applejack returned about 20 minutes later with Nurse Redheart.
It only took Nurse Redheart a few minutes to examine Twilight. She came down the stairs back into the main room where Applejack and Spike where waiting. “She’ll be alright; she just needs a few days of bed rest. I’ll stop by tomorrow afternoon to see how her recovery’s coming along.” The two of them thanked Redheart and she went on her way. Applejack decided to stay with Spike a while longer to help him with tiding up the library.
With Applejacks help, Spike had the room cleaned up in about 2 hours. “So all this and the spell didn’t even work, that’s a shame.” Applejack said with disappointment in her voice.
“Yea and Twilight had worked so hard on this too.” Spike said as he was hanging the last of the pictures. “Thanks for the help today Applejack. You really didn’t need to help me clean the place up.”
“No worries sugarcube. Big McIntosh was there to watch the shop so Ah’m in no hurry to get back. Ah’m just glad Twi’s goin' ta be OK,” Applejack said as she shelved the last of the books. “So what'r yer plans fer the rest of the day?”
“I think I’m going to take the rest of the day off. I should probably send a quick message to the princess explaining what happened first though. Then I’ll probably catch up on some of my comic books.”
“Ya”ll deserve the day off Spike. Ah better be gettin' back to the farm. Big McIntosh’ll be mad enough as it is that Ah left him alone at the stand. Ah’m gonna have ta take some of his chores tomorrow ta make it up ta him,” She gave a quick goodbye before trotting out of the library.
********************
All was calm on the edge of the Everfree Forest. Birds were happily chirping and the other critters were skittering around like they had no care in the world. The river was calm and the fish were lazily swimming around. All the peace of this place was shattered as a portal was suddenly ripped open about six feet off the ground. A strong wind was blowing through the portal as something was slowly being pulled through. All the animals in the surrounding area fled immediately while some of the slower animals just hid behind rocks and trees watching in fear at what was happening. After about 10 seconds some strange creature fell out of the portal with a loud thud. It slowly sat up rubbing the back of its head as it spoke.
“Seriously, fuck my life,” the creature growled as it gritted its teeth in pain. After a few seconds of making sure nothing was broken, it started looking around at its surroundings. “Where the hell am I?”
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My little pony © Hasbro
Friendship is magic © Lauren Faust
Love it. It is well written and goes pretty smoothly.
One of the better written ones I have read!
At least it's not 'Twilight screws a spell', its more 'A normal spell that did what it was meant to but somepony was unlucky', and that's a different approach.
Watching for more.
This is a pretty good story. It's well written and for it being your first story, you are already typing better than half of the authors out there.
19689>>19700>>19735 Thank you all very much
♫♥I look forward to reading what happens next in your story♥♪
I found some spelling errors
I’ve almost gotten all the information I need to complete the princess has given me,
It should be
I’ve almost gotten all the information I need to complete the assignment princess celestial has given me,
Also
Besides, I’ll need Sikes help hunting more gems soon anyway.
You spelled Spike wrong
I'm happy to help
29291 thanks for informing me
218627 I've said it before and i'll say it again. I've seen his name spelled both ways. i just perfer to spell it McIntosh over Macintosh
She's worried about scratching a diamond? I think she's overestimating her destructive ability.
thumbs up great so far
YOU CAN'T SCRATCH DIAMOND! ONLY OTHER DIAMONDS CAN!
429454 how do you think a diamond is cut in the first place?
This looks promising I hope you don't disapoint me.
465275 Diamond blade???...
[img]C:\Users\Nova\Pictures\Dis gon b gud.gif[/img]
penis........
I just finished the 1st chapter and I'm already giddy as hell.
670816 How was the Diamond blade carved.
Man it would have been bad if the Di-Crasis was brought from Twi's Spell
Di-Crasis: A huge version of the device called the Crasis [Except if anypony or person steps onto the platform the device sucks their soul from their body
1913867
what came first? the diamond or the diamond?
The ending of this chapter has me hooked. Great start
2017413
Diamonds on toast.
It's Big Macintosh, not Big McIntosh. Secondly, keep in mind that numbers between zero and ten should be spelled out. I actually go with numbers from zero to one hundred, but that's just my preference. However, I must say that you have done an applauding job overall, and I plan to continue reading.
PS - Watch your dependent and independent clauses!
GOOD THING IT'S A BUCKING DIAMOND THEN
TWILIGHT
2542934 The zero through ten thing is just preference, not an actual rule. It isn't considered an error.
Lunar Institute of Science
And a spell from there
Welp
This link should sum up what I'm feeling
465275 I know this comment is old but LAZERS :D hmm do they have Lasers in equestria?
2543258 Man you should know by now... Logic doesn't exist in Equestria. Also why the hell would you want to take an item/thing from another dimension and put it in yours! Are you retarded?!?!?! What If it was a person/monster!? What if it was a bomb/nuke?!?! Holy hell just how stupid are they!? It's even worse that I expect them to actually do the spell....
2543258
One you can scratch a diamond with a diamond, or by cutting it along the structure of the crystal... Because it's a A BUCKING DIAMOND which is a crystalline structure, the most ordered structure in the solid state. And a diamond is hard yes, but it's easy to cut... Diamond armor in Minecraft all you need is a ninety degree cut and boom it's in half.
"Where the hell am I?"
So it begins and the intro music starts playing displaying the names of all the main casts of the series:
PS: Think about all the cool possible animations for the Opening!
This is fantastic for a first story! Much better than anything I could ever write. I'm a crappy writer myself, but I can judge stories pretty well, and this is really good!
This is such a long story I have to read it again so I remember all the details. Oh how my eyes burn. It's definetly worth it though. You're very good at writing
On one side, it was written a long-ass time ago, so you probably aren't going to fix it. On the other, as i see it it is relevant as long as it is still being read, so I'm going to point it out anyway:
You have some present/past tense mix-ups in the second paragraph and throughout the story. Also, when writing numbers, it is a good rule of thumb to always spell it out, unless you are talking about a date, or if the number is so large that spelling it out becomes impractical or distracting to the flow.
About half the times you mention Fine Cut's name, you forget to capitalize "Cut".
Other than that, i noticed a smattering of minor mistakes, mostly missing words and such. Those are quite normal as most people tend to space out a little, or get absorbed in it when they are writing, especially long stories such as this one.
At any rate, i would recommend going over it sometime, or ask someone else to do it, and fix these things. It is not major enough errors to dissuade me from reading the story, but it keeps me from enjoying it as much as I could .
Anyway, enough with the critique. Onwards with the reading!
3114802 Wow that's funny my name is DarrkkSharrd and yours is Shard of darkness that's a funny coincidence.
The this made before Super Ponies? Cause Spike love Comic books in that episode.
4007485 I started this back when season 2 was still going through it's first run.
"Afraid to leave her alone in this condition, Spike woke up Owlowiscious and told him to go get on of their friends." *one* not 'on'. :) Thought you would want to know.
The story is... okay. I have read better HiE's, but I'm not going to judge this one too harshly, since I've only read the first chapter. One of the main things that I noticed is that your grammar and spelling isn't the best. Hopefully you improve later in the story. Time to read a bit more of it.
400748 Try again.
2543258 You can scratch and cut diamonds! THEY'RE A CRYSTALLINE FORM OF MATTER! Diamonds may be the hardest mineral currently known to man, but you can cut them.
3114802 Did you really just use minecraft physics as a demonstration on how to cut diamond?
.......
I'm givin' this one a shot, will continue reading tomorrow seeing how late it is now though. I can't get over the wailing and gnashing of teeth about twilight being careful with the diamond. Personally, I'm going to be cautious with anything that appears to be worth more than I make in 2-3 months regardless of its durability. as for the gent who whined about an institute of science working with a spell? Well, it technically can be. seeing as how magic has its own rules, or at least we assume it does. Thaumaturgical studies are fairly common in fantasy realms. I mean, Skyrim has the Mages college, right? ( I hope I used the right word there for magic o.O)
3001492 Applejack and spike returned to the main room of the library, looking in fear and curiosity at the dark green, oblong object sitting in the centre of the room. They noticed that it had what looked like a big ring of metal stuck to one end by little struts, also made out of metal. There was a symbol near the middle of the object on one side, a yellow circle with a smaller black circle in the middle. There were three, what looked sort of like triangles, but a lot more curved, and more blocky, placed around the black circle at even intervals, which were also black.
"What do you think it is?" Spike asked Applejack.
"Buck if Ah know, Spike. It don't look that dangerous, but we should probably let Twi look it over first," she replied.
"Yeah, true."
-------------------
Twilight woke a few hours later, her head feeling like she'd been bitchslapped by Princess Celestia, while she was wearing her golden horseshoes.
"Oh, my head...." she moaned, looking around her room.
She heard the rapping of claws on wood, a sign that spike was walking up the stairs. Her door opened slightly, and his head poked through the crack.
"Twi?" Spike whispered, trying not to aggravate the headache that he knew she had - they'd ended up in this situation before when Twilight tried other whacky spells.
"Hnnnng...." She groaned, the pounding in her head keeping her from responding normally.
"Go back to sleep Twi, and come down when you feel better," spoke said to her, pulling his head out of the room and closing the door.
"That sounds good...." She muttered, laying her head back down on the pillow. She was out within seconds.
-----------------
Twilight walked down the stairs a few hours later, her headache all but gone. She waved at Applejack, who's was looking at her with concern for her position on the couch. "You alright, Twi?" she asked. "Yeah," came the reply, the Purple unicorn finally noticing the odd, green object in the middle of the room. She walked over to it, sensing no danger from the thing. "What's this, Spike?" she inquired, laying a hoof on the odd, metal object.
Before Spike could muster a reply, an odd voice resounded throughout the room, sounding something like the Zebrican-Equestrian ponies from Manehattan. She also noticed that the thing on the floor in front of her started to vibrate slightly.
"Boom, Bam, Bop," the voice said, much to the confusion of the room's occupants.
"Badda Bop, Boom."
"POW."
For a fraction of a second, they all saw an almost blinding flash of orange, and a searing heat, then all they knew was black.
Famous last words!
I find older fics like this (starting near the end of Season 2) refreshing. The ponies still have a developed personality, but their flaws haven't been rubbed away by time and experience.
Even fics that use canon from the older seasons that have been written more recently often fail to capture that feeling, and end up writing them either as more mature, or just... different.
And a portal spell before EQG and the revelation that Starswirl already made a portal spell to other dimensions is always interesting and rare.
Fanthrose can i upload this fic on youtube in spanish ?
9331454
Holy smokes, I didn't see the age of this fic until you mention it. Now I'm curious how an older fic might read.