Sir Anon and Celestia have a talk about the largest, bloodiest war in equestrian history. A war so horrible, so terrible, that hundreds had their lives taken.

Short little rewrite of another old greentext of mine. Was a oneshot from a writing thread. Rewritten from the ground up, using the old story as a skeleton, with the rewrite adding the meat.

(that sounds weird)

Featured on 1/12/23! Thank you all.

You somehow someway find yourself into Equestia. The first day impressions are not to most welcoming. Turns out trying to be eaten by a Manticore is not a great way of saying this place is a great place! On top of that there is a slight language barrier between you and the denizens of this magical world you find yourself in. Well expect for a pegasus named Fluttershy who kinda only understands you being an alien animal after all! Well with the help of Twilight and her friends you get your chance living here peacefully.

Alone.

By your self; as the last human being.

Will this suck? Or will this be a grand ol' time in this land. Well there is only one way to find out!

What was going to be a relaxing weekend camping turns into a nightmare as a human gets lost in an unknown forest. Also, his phone decides to stop working for some reason, so he can't use it to orient himself or even for an emergency call. Maybe it's not the phone's fault at all, because you all can imagine where he actually is now.

Will there be adventure? Maybe a little at the beginning, but mostly slice of life afterwards. Sudden unknown OP human abilities because reasons? Well, if you count ear scritches, maybe? Instant romance with all the equestrian heros? Probably not, gee...

Then what's the point!?

... Uh... yep, that's the question, isn't it?

This is my take on a cheeky human in equestria self insert a human in equestria doing all the human in equestria things there are for a human in equestria to do. There is language barrier to spice it up a little bit, so it will focus on cultural differences, how to even communicate with the locals and coping with all the weird things this world can casually throw at a regular, out of the mill, human.

May contain subtle traces and hints of RGRE.

For those who know of Cheery Cheesy Cheeky Romance Hoers Words, this is the original setting and story I had planned but never published.

3/14/24 Still Alive Edition

There's only one pony in Ponyville that the Mane Six have never met. Pinkie Pie has never thrown him a party, Applejack has never sold him a mug of cider, and Twilight has never seen him check out any books. And as far as that unicorn, Lapis Print, is concerned, that's exactly how it should be.

Lapis can't risk them knowing where he lives, what he does for a living, or even what his name is - if he gets his way, the Mane Six won't even know he exists, and nopony in Ponyville will miss him once he's gone.

It should be a piece of cake - after all, it's not like the biggest magical power in Equestria is about making sure everypony looks out for each other, right?

(Rated Teen for language - mental cursing mostly.)

Magic, the most forbidden art. Only nobles are allowed to learn from the great wizards and witches, and only from special schools set up by the state. For commoners, learning the mystic arts is nothing but a dream, a fantasy that many strive for but none achieve.

With one exception: Stalliongrad. The great, northern city boasted more magic schools than any other, and among them, the only one that accepts low born ponies. It's a dangerous trek to get there, and even more dangerous to simply stay in the frozen city.

Twilight Sparkle, however, will not be stopped. Destined to become the archmage, destined to sit at Princess Luna's side, she will not be stopped.

After all, Archmage Twilight Sparkle has a nice ring to it.

While traveling through the magic mirror between worlds, Sunset Shimmer touched upon the realm of Chaos, her course diverted. Rescued by unknown forces, Sunset awoke on a world besieged by daemonic incursions. While running from a daemon, Sunset comes across a dying member of the Order of the Cerulean Chalice, an Ordo Minorus of the Adepta Sororitas. Entrusted with a holy relic, Sunset is given the choice of taking it to the other members of the order, or dying on the doomed planet.

Suspicions surround Sunset on reaching the order, many questioning her nature and whether or not she was sent by their God-Emperor. Some loath her, seeing her as a xenos at worst, or a tainted mutant experiment of the planet's deceased lord at best. Others believe her sent by a Saint, or claim she is merely some form of abhuman. But none of them fully trust Sunset.

To prove herself, Sunset is placed among the scholla within the convent, all while coping with the loss of her magic, and in a new body. There she'll make friends and rivals, and either prove her worth to the Emperor, or die.

Burn the Heretic. Kill the Mutant. Purge the Unclean.

Anonymous finds himself in Equestria, ready to attend Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns. He didn’t quite study for the entrance exam, but using the Magic of Friendship™ has never steered anypony wrong before!

Unfortunately, he’s using that kind of magic almost a decade too early. Whoops. Worse, admission was only open to young fillies and colts. Guess which one Anon is stuck as.

Isolated from her friends and taken prisoner in the middle of a war, Twilight must deal with the very real dangers of being percieved as an enemy as well as the nightmares of her arrival on 'Earth'. Can she overcome her own fears and the fears of her captors? Will the wayward unicorn's assistance be a boon or a curse to the 'humans?' Most importantly, will she ever find her way home?

"In short, it's a story of friendship and plasma rifles, with the emphasis on the friendship. The characters are well written, the XCOM setting is fleshed out very well, and the story is compelling. If you love XCOM, you'll love the story, but even if you've never heard of it, it's more than worth giving the first 3 chapters a read.

There's excellent action later on, but the real strength lies in the collision between the friendly and naive world of Twilight Sparkle and the desperate world of humans fighting a losing war for survival and willing to do anything to turn the tide."

--Arzoo

(XCOM/FiM crossover)
(Cover art commissioned by a friend and created by the magnificent FoxInShadow!)
(Original cover art by the amazing Carnelian can be viewed here!)
(Gore tag for blood and some violence)
(Many thanks to the studius OminousTen, Arzoo, xXFluttershyForeverXx and finally Setokaiva for giving my rambles a once-over)
(Now with it's own TV Tropes page! Get to tropin' folks!)

Twilight Sparkle is undeniably a prodigy and has the skill and knowledge of a unicorn five years her elder as well as the power of one as well. This knowledge and power has drawn Princess Celestia's attention, with the alicorn beginning to wonder if the young unicorn will be the one to fulfill an ancient prophecy that would save her sister. A prophecy that would have come to fruition, had the alicorn's own checkered past not come back to doom the filly to a life of fire and brimstone.

Go check out this story's sister story!
Updates twice a month!

Story So Far (Been awhile? Get up to speed by checking out this blog!)

The trip was supposed to be simple: a few weeks sailing to deliver family spices to a new buyer, a quick vacation, and back to the plantation. One mysterious, and coveted, box turned Cold Snap's chance to prove himself into a desperate struggle to survive on the wild seas at the mercy of a captain that sailors feared to whisper of, if they even believed he existed.

Others want that box, and the only thing keeping Snap and his friend alive is a ship so unnatural it had to be created by demons. Everything he thought he knew about the world's past is shattered in a game of cat and mouse to see who cracks the box's mystery first.

Unable to back out, and finding himself not eager to do so anyway, Snap throws his lot in with the peculiar Captain Gideon, who harbors more than a few secrets about his ship and himself.