Taking the Good with the Bad
“And so when the pale moon rose over the Frozen North that fateful night, it cast its cold light, stirring the forsaken souls of shadows forgotten under the icy wasteland. That corrupted ground beneath the blood moon stirred with rage of the umbrum’s everlasting slumber. Forgotten blood crashed against the shores of eternity with a shrill cry, awakening the forsaken magic of the Alicorn Amulet used in the magi’s mad lust for eternal power, burning with the eye of the sanguine crystal, which gave rise to the dark lord standing before you!”
The air around the jet black and red alicorn of infinite darkness contorted and crackled with dark energy as he flared his massive, draconic wings. His demonic horns nearly scraped the ceiling as his already imposing form stood before the silent cashier on the other side of the register, balking at the cursed beast wreathed in dark flames. All who looked upon him within the Cuddle Bean Cafe quivered in hopeless despair under his fearsome, shadowy form.
Save the modest pegasus stallion standing under the titan’s unfurled wings.
“And?” the seafoam green pony asked as he nudged the monster rising above him.
The demon narrowed his crimson gaze as he frowned in thought. “And…” he drifted as his predatory eyes wandered around the cafe in thought. At once, they opened with a realization. “Ah, yes… I am Obsidian Chalice.”
The little pegasus nodded along and looked up at the menu. “And I’m Onion Chip. I’ll have a regular, black coffee with a plain bagel, please.”
“O-okay…” the mare behind the register said. “So that is one medium-sized black coffee with a plain bagel for Mister Onion Chip, and one… cuddle couple’s choco-loco cream dream pumpkin spice latte for…” She gulped as she stole another glance at the imposing stallion. “Dark Lord Obsidian Chalice?”
“With sprinkles!” Chalice roared, flashing his maw of razor teeth at her as he leaned over the counter, putting his face into the cashier’s. “A hundred woes upon you and your house for a thousand generations if you forget the sprinkles!”
“Chalice! There’s no need for that! You’re scaring her.”
Hearing the smaller pony’s complaint, the alicorn of infinite darkness backed away and huffed, spewing small plumes of smoke between his nostrils to distract from his nervous eyes flittering about. “I-I am merely ensuring the bits spent on my beverage are well-spent. Any inferior latte shall never pass through my cursed lips again!”
“Sorry about that,” Chip whispered as he shot a glance at the mare’s namecard, “Miss Lemon Drizzle.”
As Lemon Drizzle rang up the order, Chalice’s wandering eyes caught sight of the pastries and other fare on display. He nudged Chip on the shoulder and pointed. “Chip, there is a sole cinnamon raisin bagel resting within the glass cage.”
“Did you want it? I thought you didn’t like raisins.”
Chalice stuck his tongue out in revulsion. “The foul, shriveled corpse, once luscious grapes, assaults my tongue with a vileness cinnamon cannot mask. However, I know you favor such flavors over the standard fare.”
Chip nodded. “Yeah, but I only like having those with peanut butter.”
Chalice raised an eyebrow. “Then why have you not requested said crushed peanut spread?”
“Because they don’t have it,” he answered simply.
“How have you divined this knowledge?”
“I don’t see it anywhere on the menu. Why would they have peanut butter?”
“Because they offer the cinnamon raisin bagel!” Chalice retorted as his indignation rose. “You once said that such morning breads are absolutely Elysian with peanut butter. Why would they have one and not offer peanut butter?”
“I guess there’s no harm in asking.” Chip turned to Lemon with a meek smile on his face, already knowing the answer scrawled on her worried face. “Do you have peanut butter?”
Lemon bit her lip and shrank back from the alicorn. “N-no, sirs. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t worry about it.” Chip looked back up at Chalice. “See? What’d I—”
“What treachery is this?” Chalice slammed his hoof down, bitter tears pooling in the corners of his eyes. He glared at Lemon with broken irises that burned with an unfounded betrayal. “You dare tempt my Onion Chip by offering such a bagel while lacking the companion key to enjoying its flavor? Such a contemptible fabric you have woven with your acute lacking! Is there not enough suffering in this world that you must compound it?”
The poor barista was barely able to keep up with the ebbs and flows of the moody stallion. “But it’s just peanut butter…”
“And I suppose your precious beans are mere vessels of flavors to be crushed into dust by your press?”
Before the alicorn could continue, Chip firmly tapped Chalice on the side of his hoof, interrupting the tirade.
“Chalice? They’ve got cream cheese,” Chip explained with a gentle smile. “Cream cheese goes great with plain bagels, so it’s perfectly fine. Why don’t you find us someplace to sit while I finish up here?”
The dark harbinger swallowed the words on the tip of his tongue. Every eye in the restaurant was trained on them, waiting to see what would happen next in a mix of curiosity and fear.
“Y-you will rue the day you offered such bagels without peanut butter,” Chalice mumbled. With that, he spun around, kicking up his ash gray tail like a billowing cape, and strode away to a booth beside a window. He did his best to squeeze his massive form into the tight seat and looked out the window with a deep scowl, trying to hide his embarrassment.
“I’m really sorry about that, Miss Lemon.” Chip chuckled as he got his wallet out. “He gets like that when he’s nervous.”
The stunned mare nodded as her eyes looked between the gargantuan hellspawn across the cafe and the bland every-stallion who'd so easily pacified him.
“Oh wait! Sorry, I almost forgot.” He reached under his feathers and pulled out a coupon he’d clipped out of the local paper. “Is it too late to use this Fall Weather Friends Day promotion?”
Dragging her attention back from the abyss, Lemon took the coupon in hoof and looked at it. “Oh, right. No, I can still apply it as long as the two of you are friends.”
“Even better. We’re dating!” He smiled with puppy-like energy as his tail swished with joy.
The barista’s glances bounced between Chip and Chalice, struggling to square the non-euclidean strip. Eventually, her eyes glazed over before she could lose any more of her sanity. “Okay. That might as well happen,” she said as she rang him up and checked herself out of the conversation to prepare the order.
“Thanks, Lemon!” he said, to no reply from the dissociated barista. He strode over to the booth Chalice had taken a seat at and hopped into the seat across from him. As he scooched towards the window, he could see Chalice’s scowl deepen.
“You okay?” Chip asked.
“The turmoil swirling within my blackened soul overflowed and poured out upon the lemony one,” Chalice cursed lowly.
“Hey, don’t sweat it, Chal-pal,” Chip assured softly. “You did lose your cool a bit, but you only shared about half of your backstory. I think that was an improvement.”
Chalice grumbled as he sank further, his shadow hanging low upon his darkened face. “And then I chastised her over meager foodstuffs.”
Chip leaned over, trying to catch the crestfallen demigod’s eyes. “It’s going to be okay, Chally. You can always apologize later. I know how nervous you get talking to ponies.”
“I have no reason to fear any creature upon this plane of existence, not when I can destroy anything that dwells here with one click of my hooves.”
“But you wouldn’t do that.”
“And how are you so certain?” Chalice asked, his eyes flicking back to his lover. “Nary two months have passed since we forged our bonds at first sight.”
“Has it really been that long?” Chip sighed as he smiled, admiring his handsome coltfriend. “It felt like we just met yesterday.”
Chalice scoffed. “It amazes me that you can look upon your brush with an icy death so fondly within the wastes.”
“I can’t remember much before you were digging me out of the snow and warming me up with your wings. You were my dark knight wrapped in flaming armor.”
“Your attraction to me from an ill-guided life debt is ridiculous. Besides, you were the far greater prize.”
“Hey!” Chip puffed out his cheeks. “That’s not why I like you and you know it!”
“I fear you will have to enlighten me. I do not see how I am this ‘catch’ that you’ve proclaimed. Not when the darkness overtakes my soul and bathes all who gaze upon me in shadow.”
“Well, for one, you’re sweet.”
Chalice’s brow furrowed at such a ridiculous notion. “Impossible! I just said the darkness that dwells within me causes the very light to tremble in fear.”
“You’re also adorably shy.”
“How can such a weakness be viewed in a positive light? Besides, I need not speak with those whom the forgotten shadows yearn to bring to heel. I need not ask the blood to bleed.”
“You just need a little practice talking to other ponies. You’re sensitive, too,” Chip cooed fondly. “I love it when you get all flustered.”
“These inferior qualities are not found in one such as myself!” the proud alicorn claimed as he brushed the silly ideas aside. “I eclipse both the sun and moon in power, how could I possibly be this feeble stallion for whom you speak so fondly?”
“I know that you hum to yourself when you think I’m not listening. Especially when you’re enjoying a snack.” Chip burst with giggly joy at the thought of his coltfriend’s cute antics. “It’s just the most adorable thing in the world!”
The obsidian black stallion’s hardened face crumbled into an unsteady smile. The roiling hellfire within flickered out as his cheeks burned pink with embarrassment. “The joy feels… unnatural, and I must release it in some manner befitting the form.”
“The more you fight it, the cuter you get, you know. You’re just naturally adorable.”
Chalice’s face flushed even brighter as he scrounged for something to steady himself. “W-well, if you like me so much, why are you maintaining this rift which keeps us apart?”
Chip pursed his lips at the accusation. “I’m not sure what you mean.”
“Your seat is always meant to be next to mine, Chip.” The alicorn shifted to turn himself in the tight space and point to the void next to him. “You have taken the wrong side.”
“I thought this way we could look at each other while enjoying our drinks. It’s easier to talk to each other like this.”
“Yet the days are becoming darker and colder as we approach Nightmare Night. The fury boiling inside will keep you safe from its bitter chill.” The enormous stallion stretched his wing out, beckoning his coltfriend to delight in the warmth of his wings.
“But you barely squeezed yourself in over there,” Chip insisted. He looked around and spotted an open nook in the corner. “Why don’t we move over there and grab a couple of floor cushions?”
“I desired the intimacy only a booth can provide!” the alicorn adamantly replied. “It is impossible to play with your chestnut locks sufficiently from this accursed distance. My hoof cries to run through the fields of brown!”
“That does sound nice,” Chip said as he nervously scratched the back of his mane. “Still, I don’t think I can even fit on the edge.”
“I refuse to accept such an excuse!” He tried to shift his body to a more comfortable position that wouldn’t take his entire side, only to slightly dislodge the table with his sturdy frame. “Curse this wooden slab between us! It is the failure of this world to always provide paltry seating arrangements that can never encompass the breadth of my darkness. I am forever cursed to sit alone!”
“You could shrink yourself down like you do at home,” Chip suggested.
Chalice leered with a deep scowl at the mere thought of it. “And reduce myself in front of these peons? Never!”
“They’re not peons, they’re ponies like you and me,” Chip softly reminded the almighty dark alicorn. “They might be a little skittish, but they’ll get over it in time. For now. I just want you to be more comfortable, Chally. Maybe being a little smaller would be a good first step.”
“I refuse to disarm those around me with false pretense!” A deep growl rumbled through Chalice’s teeth as he looked further away from the other stallion pushing his buttons. “Furthermore, the forbidden spellwork is only to be used when I wish to become the ‘little spoon,’” he mumbled quickly from behind his sanguine hoof.
Chip chuckled to himself. “Don’t be so embarrassed. You’re my cuddly Chal-pal at any size.”
The supreme pony of eternal suffering tried his best to hide his growing blush behind his hoof. “Yes, but… i-it pleases me when you can fold your wings around my form. It keeps the dark whispers of the midnight hours away.”
“And I love to do it. I want you to feel safe and comfortable wherever we are. Once you loosen up, I’m sure everypony else will see you the way I do.”
The mirth faded from Chalice’s face as he snorted a sad laugh. “If they do, it will be at their peril. Your sovereigns haven’t forgotten who they’re dealing with. The ruin I portend.”
Chip winced at the mention of the princesses. Though they’d left them in relative peace, the sudden appearance of a self-proclaimed Harbinger of the Fourth Cataclysm wasn’t taken well. The couple’s promise to “behave” was little comfort given how strong Chalice was. All of the power contained within the same accursed amulet the stallion had emblazoned on his flank, mixed with all the magic and fury of a long-lost shadow pony tribe, made him the strongest creature in the world by a mile. Their caution wasn’t exactly misplaced.
And now here they were in Ponyville. From their table they could see the Castle of Friendship towering above the cottages across the street, along with Mt. Canterhorn looming in the distance.
“I knew it,” Chip sighed, berating himself. “I knew it! This was a mistake. But did I listen to myself? No.”
Chalice’s mouth drew into a thin line as he turned back to his date. “What troubles you?”
“When I brought up the idea of going out to one of the earth pony friend festivals, remember? I asked where we should go and you said the best one.”
Chalice nodded. “Most assuredly so. The one who dwells lovingly in my shadow deserves only the best bounty that this world has to offer.”
“And so, despite my better judgment, we came here, right smack dab at the crossing of Princess Junction and Banishment Central.”
Suddenly catching on, Obsidian’s eyes widened. He quickly looked away, trying to hide his apprehension. “Y-you perceive fell shadows where none exist! It is Fall Weather Friends Day, so it is only natural that the best friendship festival would be in the Princess of Friendship’s domain, correct?”
“Sure, but that doesn’t mean we need to spend the night in the Princess of Friendship’s stomping grounds. No wonder you’re so wound up.” Chip bent over the table and buried his face in his hooves. “I’m such an idiot! We could’ve gone somewhere out of the way like Dodge Junction or Appleoosa.”
“No, no! All is well, I swear upon the souls of the damned!” the alicorn said, trying to reign in his nerves.
Chip vented a muffled groan into his hooves before pulling himself up to the concerned gaze of the dark lord. “You’re so sweet. But still, this is all my fault. I knew I should’ve just said no when I know Canterlot is off-limits.”
“Please, Chip. I beg you not to twist your mind in sorrow. You think the caretakers of this world sit idly by as I roam with you? Do not delude yourself. They’d keep their scrying eyes trained upon us regardless of where we went. To let their guards down would be foolishly perilous. I could snuff the lives of this fair village with naught but a curse spilled from my horn.”
“But you wouldn’t do that. I know you wouldn’t.”
“No. I cannot partake in such senseless slaughter.” Chalice grimaced at the thought. “Though I am the harbinger of their doom and the bearer of despair, I do not wish to tarnish the world you love so much. Had I wrought the fate which the voices beyond the grave seek, my spirit would not be able to bear the sight of your weeping and gnashing of teeth.”
“Exactly. And that’s why I want you to enjoy yourself too, Chally. This trip is for the both of us to have some fun together. How are we supposed to do that if you can’t even get comfortable?”
“Then do not cast yourself down into a pit of despair, for we have come to a place brimming with wondrous joy. The weight of your ruler’s fear may lurk within my mind, but it is not different than when we are at home in Las Pegasus.” The alicorn craned his neck down, nuzzling his lover’s cheek with his. “Truly, I could suffer the howling void of oblivion if you were by my side, tumbling together into nothingness.”
Chip chuckled at the abyssal image. “Thanks, Chalice. If it’s all the same to you, I’d rather be with you in nicer-sounding places than that.”
“As would I, my beloved partner.”
As the faces brushed against each other, their lips found purchase, meeting over the table despite Chalice’s loathing of such public displays. Chip opened up, letting the heat of Obsidian’s hellfire lick his tongue. The smokey desire burned as Chip dove in further past the serrated gate to steal the breath back from his coltfriend. The passion swirled with water and flame, congealing in a blissful purgatory between Elysium and the Underworld. The fires died down as almighty shadow yielded to the little pony across from him as he took a breath of fresh air.
“My shadow wanes in the face of such overwhelming love again, Onion Chip.”
Chalice couldn’t hide the wobbly, cheesy smile splitting his face in the wake of their kiss. Chip replied in kind with a gentle smile of his own as he took the stallion’s larger hoof in his. Chalice was always easily embarrassed by affectionate displays, especially since he was terrible at hiding the daggers of his goofy grin when he couldn’t stop smiling. Chip didn’t want him to stop either. Behind that serrated maw and his vorpal visage beat a tender-hearted soul who was simply misunderstood. The pegasus wanted everypony to see his coltfriend the way he did: a long, beautiful shadow stretching far and wide by the light the world had to offer him.
“Order up for Onion Chip!” the server called from behind the coffee bar, interrupting their moment.
Chalice reeled up from his seat, nearly exploding into pure darkness as he gazed upon the puny baristas. “Foul usurper! It was I who placed his order first!” His booming voice cast the store into a thick shroud of darkness. The only shine to pierce the black veil was Chalice’s glowing, furious gaze.
“It’s okay, Chally!” Chip shouted, trying to calm his lover down. “Mine was way faster to make!”
“Oh.” At once, the oncoming apocalypse ceased. “I have erred once more.”
Chip smiled sheepishly as he watched everypony in the cafe do their best to hide from the foreboding alicorn. Meanwhile, Chalice had already averted his embarrassment towards the window, admiring all the wonderful things outside. The smaller stallion quickly rose to his hooves and trotted to the counter to retrieve his drink.
“Make sure you give him extra sprinkles!” Lemon whispered loudly to her coworkers scrambling to finish the dark lord’s order.
Yes, getting everypony to see what he saw in his coltfriend was going to take a long time. For now, Onion Chip was content with just enjoying a cup of coffee with Obsidian Chalice while planning the rest of their Fall Weather Friends Day.