Bucket of Apples (Speedwriting Anthology)

by applejackofalltrades

First published

Collection of speedwrites or other things that are either too short to be their own thing/don't deserve to be their own thing. (mistakes will be made)

I... write random things sometimes. Now, of course, usually, these are bad because Quills and Sofas has a habit of making panics when I’m about to go to bed. Anyway, here I will post random things I’ve written. They’ll probably be short, not the greatest quality and maybe have a few mistakes if I post them as they were written. Anyway, this’ll be full of random slice of life, shipping, maybe angst, and more! I will provide context if it is needed. Maybe it'll be just a random idea or scene, or maybe something I cut out of another fic, or something I wanted to write but didn’t want to establish a whole plot for, I dunno, we’ll see.

Tags will be updated as I add things. Idk why you would read these, but you CAN.

Random artwork for the cover done by me. (APPLEDASH BECAUSE I LIKE APPLEDASH idk i think they're cute plus there’ll probably be a lot of it on here. I’ll probably change this at some point tho, just a placeholder.)

Things with (Panic!) in the title were written for QaS panics.
Things with (Contest) in the title were written for QaS contests.
Things with (Other) in the title were written for miscellaneous purposes.

Two Fools In The Rain (Panic!)

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"I bet you can't catch me!"

Rainbow Dash soared through the sky, letting the rain pelt against her already soaked fur. It had been a while since the last planned rainstorm, and she had convinced her marefriend to take the time to mess around in the rain. Sure, Rainbow was a grown mare, but that didn't mean she couldn't at least act a little foalish at times, right?

"Well, 'course I can't catch ya! Ya fly too darn fast," Applejack called from behind her. She wasn't wearing her trademark hat, but Rainbow Dash couldn’t blame her - it would have just gotten wet anyway.

Rainbow Dash snickered and slowed to a halt. The cloud covered sky offered little sunlight, but even in the gray-filtered setting, Applejack somehow managed to look as good as ever. Rainbow couldn't just leave that behind, so she stayed hovering in place as Applejack cantered up to her. "So what you're saying is that I'm faster than you?"

Applejack did not mirror Rainbow's cocky grin. Instead, she countered it with an annoyed lift of her eyebrow and an otherwise neutral expression. Rainbow Dash could see through it though, she could tell Applejack was amused. "If we're talkin' about flyin' then sure. I mean, I ain't even got any wings, but if I did, I know I'd beat ya in a race."

Now, that was definitely a joke. There's no way Applejack could really mean that. She was talking to the fastest flyer in all of Equestria, after all. "You're just lucky you aren't a pegasus," Rainbow Dash boasted. "I'd kick your flank ten times over before you could even get to the finish line!"

As if to add insult to injury, if there was even any injury that came from Rainbow Dash just telling Applejack straight facts, the pegasus let the rain water collect on the fur of her hooves and then whipped it toward Applejack, who still managed to fake being upset at the useless assault. She was a bad liar, though, and Rainbow Dash could tell by the way her lower lip pouted out and the slightly intensified look in her marefriend's eyes that she was trying to hold back a laugh.

"Dash, I'm already wet. Ya can't make me more wet!"

Biting back an inappropriate joke, Rainbow Dash compensated by wiggling her eyebrows. Applejack usually didn’t catch on to her jokes, but she was getting better at it, if better meant that Rainbow Dash was successfully corrupting her mind. And as expected, Applejack simply rolled her eyes and pursed her lips into a tight line. If it wasn't for the lighting and the rain making Applejack's fur wet, Rainbow Dash could have sworn that the dampened orange mare was blushing. She definitely caught the meaning to that one.

If there was anything that the two enjoyed doing, it definitely had to be the friendly arguments they often had. They were no longer moving and instead stood—and flew in place in an intense staredown. If it wasn't for the water pouring down from the clouds above and occasionally dripping into their eyes, there would have been no blinking.

Either way, they could never really stay that serious with each other. After a moment of squinted eyes and fake scowls, Rainbow Dash shut both her eyes for a moment and stuck out her tongue at the orange mare. Applejack's nose wrinkled a bit as she tried to hold back a laugh again, but even the strongest ponies had a sense of humour, a breaking point. Rainbow Dash enjoyed reaching Applejack’s, and eventually, Applejack broke. Her stern expression softened and curved into a smile, and then the laugh erupted from her throat.

And it was that laugh. That damn laugh that Rainbow Dash fell in love with. From the moment Rainbow Dash first heard it, it became a part of her. It was deep and hearty. Straight from Applejack's chest and right into Rainbow Dash's heart, where it planted itself, took root, and grew.

Strong and sturdy, like an apple tree. Or more appropriately, like Applejack.

In a way, she was Rainbow Dash's apple tree. Forever steady and deep rooted. She could count on her to be there, especially when she needed her most. Or at least, that was the way she explained her feelings to Applejack all that time ago. It probably made no sense, though. Rainbow Dash was never good with plants. She did seem to recall Applejack smiling at her attempt at using tree metaphors, though.

Rainbow Dash found herself smiling goofily as she finished laughing with her marefriend, who, even drenched with rain in not so flattering lighting, somehow looked like that.

All at once, Rainbow Dash felt like the luckiest mare to be alive. Sure, getting into the Wonderbolts was cool, and getting placed into the starting team almost topped that. But this? This went above and beyond to new heights that Rainbow Dash didn't even know existed.

She wasn't about to get all sappy, though. It was pouring outside, and they were supposed to be having fun. This wasn't a scene from that silly romantic book that Rarity always talked about. The cyan mare shook her head swiftly and began to fly backwards slowly. Applejack followed her, and neither of them took their eyes off of each other.

There might have been a conversation happening, but it was all just casual background noise to Rainbow Dash, whose entire world focused in on those emerald green eyes and the mare who donned them. It was nothing but the soundtrack to what at that point qualified as the best moment of her life. It seemed that every moment she spent with Applejack was in the running to be the best.

The water showering them did not for a moment let up, yet Rainbow Dash couldn't help but feel warm in Applejack’s apple-scented presence. The rain was cold, fresh from the lake, but just being near Applejack made Rainbow Dash warm. Maybe it was okay to be cheesy once in a while.

Rainbow Dash fell in place next to Applejack, still not daring to look away. With their manes plastered to their bodies, the two mares continued to make their way down the path. The park was empty; nopony in their right mind would go out in the rain.

But love makes you foolish, and fortunately, Rainbow Dash was a fool.

The Mane Surprise (Panic!)

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It was by far the silliest thing Applejack could ever be worried about.

Yet it kept her pacing behind the barn for the last ten minutes, muttering incoherent curses under her breath. She felt different, definitely lighter in both a physical way and an emotional way. And there was certainly nopony else she would want to show first.

"But what if she don't like it," Applejack grumbled to herself. She stomped at the floor with annoyance. It was less of a question and more of a statement. If she didn't like it, there was nothing Applejack could do about it. Besides, it was just her mane.

For a while, Applejack felt burdened by the length of the hair on her head, and while she definitely didn't care enough to take ‘proper care of it’, as Rarity would say, she did often find it annoying how dirty it'd get and how tangled it would be at the end of a long day.

She'd had enough of that. Enough of the mess of a mane on her head that she managed to keep in a loose tie. What else could she do but -

"Woah!"

Crap. Applejack turned around at the exclamation, unsure if it was one of good shock or bad shock, but as her gaze went from the ground to the sky, she was met with a wide-open smiling mouth and all of a sudden all of her worries disappeared.

The ecstatic cyan pony's grin did not waver. "You cut your mane?"

Applejack's face transitioned from a frown to a smile as she regained her initial confidence. "Eeyup. Don't get in my way now," she explained as she lifted a hoof to her head where only a bit of her blonde mane stuck out from under her hat.

Rainbow Dash's face illuminated as if a red light shone subtly on her. "That looks great! And your tail too?"

Applejack chuckled softly and returned the blush, awkwardly rubbing the back of her newly cut mane. "Uh, yeah. Ya think Rarity'd ever let me live it down if I left my tail long?"

The pegasus dropped to the ground and shortened the distance between them. "That's true. But holy smokes! You look really good, AJ!" She leaned in to inspect Applejack's mane further. "I never would have imagined you with a short cut like this, but seeing you with it, it all kinda fits."

"Really? Well that's awful nice o' ya, Dash. I reckon I was a bit nervous ta show it off. Thought I'd have ta stay on the farm till it grew back or somethin', if I'm bein' honest." Applejack swallowed and looked to the side as she took a wart step back, lengthening the distance between them once again. "But I figured it'd be best ta show y'all before I got too nervous."

A hoof punched Applejack squarely on the shoulder, a gesture that the farmer could ever only take as friendly. "Well, I bet they'll be ecstatic! So who's up next to see your awesome new mane?"

Applejack's lips wavered in a nervous smile. "Actually, I told Rarity she should come by sometime soon too. She'll probably show up any time now, ya know how punctual she is."

"Well, she'll like it for sure. Oh, speak of the devil," Rainbow Dash exclaimed as she swivelled her head to the side. Rarity stood not too far away from the two mares with her mouth wide open. "There you are, Rarity! We were just talking about you."

Rarity stood there with her jaw dropped until she snapped back into attention and shook her head. Applejack rolled her eyes and snorted. "Uh, surprise, I guess?"

The unicorn blinked once and then wasted no time in getting a closer look, although compared to Rainbow Dash, Rarity had even less concept of personal space, which made Applejack blush once again. "Well, I must be truthful, darling," Rarity started. She lifted a few strands with her magic. "You look marvellous!"

Rainbow Dash scoffed with a grin and pressed up against the other side of Applejack. "Told you she'd like it!" She smirked and nuzzled Applejack's cheek.

Rarity giggled happily and did the same to Applejack's other cheek. "It seems Rainbow Dash was right for once!"

Applejack's face reddened into a shade almost as deep as Big Mac's, but the smile on her face persisted. "Well, if y'all woulda told me that cuttin' my mane would get me in the middle of a nuzzle sandwich, I'd'a done it a lot sooner!"

The three mares separated for a moment before bursting into a fit of giggles. It really was such a silly thing to get so worked up over.

Sleepy Nights (Panic!)

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The light flickered as the thunder roared outside. The rain pattered against the window of the Golden Oaks library. Following the rhythmic pattern, Twilight flipped the page of her book. “I can’t believe that unicorns used to raise the sun and moon themselves!”

Spike yawned and curled up closer to Twilight’s hoof. “I know right? I couldn’t even wake up early enough to do it.”

Twilight dropped her book carefully on the desk she was sitting at and looked down at Spike with an amused smile. “Well, technically, you could just wake up whenever you want to raise it.”

“You mean, like, rearrange the schedule of the day?” Spike asked incredulously.

“Yeah, if I was an alicorn, I would do that,” Twilight admitted sheepishly. “I know I’m all crazy about order and schedules, but honestly, I’d love to sleep in a little more.”

Spike raised a claw to his chin. “Well, wouldn’t you be waking up early anyway after a certain point? Or would you make the nights longer?”

The candle swooshed almost audibly as Twilight pondered. “No, that would just disrupt things way too much. I guess you’re right, Spike. Things are going perfectly as they are now.”

“Well, except for all the rain outside,” Spike pointed out, turning his head to gaze out the window. The droplets of water streamed down the glass, and the gentle noise of the cascading rain made Twilight’s head buzz.

“It makes for a good reading ambience, though.” Twilight took Spike up in her magical aura and levitated him to his bed. “And the perfect sound to lull a baby dragon to sleep when he’s up past his bedtime.”

Spike crossed his arms. “But it isn’t even that late! And I’m not tired at all.” As if his own body betrayed him, Spike let out a deep yawn.

Twilight smiled softly and turned to the candle which rested on the table. “Well, I’m going to bed now. Tomorrow is a big day, and we need to be well rested.”

Spike was already curled up in his bed. His eyes half open as he groggily muttered, “Okay, if you insist.”

“Nighty night, Spike,” Twilight muttered as she blew out the candle, plunging the room into the comfortable darkness of a stormy night.

And Then They Stole A Crystal Or Whatever (Panic!)

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"So I said to myself: 'Today is going to be a great day Sunny! You will succeed.'" The orange earth pony smiled eagerly at the light purple unicorn who watched her with a mildly unimpressed glance.

"Okay, that's great and all, but it still doesn't explain why we have to steal this jewel."

Sunny clicked her tongue and shook her head. She pressed her body against the wall the two mares were hiding against. "Patience, Izzy. You need to trust me, okay?"

Izzy sighed and ran a hoof through her dual-coloured mane. "Trust an earth pony? That's, like, against everything I was ever taught."

Sunny's almost cocky smile didn't falter. "Come on, give me a chance. We'll be great friends by the end of the day, I promise!"

Izzy looked up at the sky. The moon shone down on them, almost directly overhead. "Uh, it's already the end of the day," she pointed out with an amused smile.

"Not yet!" the earth pony corrected with a melodic tune in her voice. "Anyway, time to get serious. We really really need that jewel." Sunny turned her head to peek out of the corner.

Guarding the entrance to the building were two pegasi. One was a taller stallion, and the other a smaller mare. She seemed to be a little smaller than Sunny herself, but she was too far away for the earth pony to be able to tell.

"So, what is the plan, then?" Izzy crept forward to look at the guards herself. "Surely, you won't make us just rush in blind and get kicked out on our flanks, right?"

Sunny looked back at Izzy with a nervous smile. "Well…"

Facehoof. "Oh sweet heavens. You have got to be kidding me." Izzy removed her hoof from her snout and adjusted her mane back to its neat style. "Okay, I have a plan, sort of. I can use my magic to cause a distraction while we sneak behind those pillars and in through the door."

"Okay, that sounds good. But what if they have… Magic alarms or something?"

Izzy let out a noise that was almost a snort. "Magic? They're pegasi, don't forget. Only us unicorns can do any real magic, and that doesn't include whatever weird anomalies you earth ponies can do with the plants to make them grow like that," Izzy stated as she eyed Sunny.

"Oh, but you have to admit it's cool! Didn't they teach you about how the earth ponies would grow food for everypony back when all the pony types used to live amongst each other?"

"They certainly taught us about how you earth ponies would take the food for yourselves when things got rough."

Sunny's smile faltered for a moment. Come on, Sunny. Today will be great! You're going to make a new friend, and you're going to get that magical relic so you can reactivate the old harmony statue! It has to work.

She repeated her mantra to herself before popping up to her hooves, motioning for Izzy to do the same. The unicorn stood up without a sign of protest apart from rolling her eyes.

"Okay, are you ready? We can sneak in if we creep along the bushes on the other side of the wall," Sunny suggested. "Pegasi may be good fliers, but they don't have night vision, so we'll be fine."

"But how are we going to see?"

Sunny let out a short laugh and slung a hoof around Izzy, who watched her cautiously. "I can see pretty well in the dark. They don't call me Sunny for nothing. I'm like the sun in your life."

Izzy, surprisingly, smiled genuinely. "Okay, sure, although I'm pretty sure that's just your name. But it doesn't matter, Sunny. I'll follow you. Once we reach the first pillar on the right side, I'll cause some commotion on the opposite side."

Sunny nodded and turned the corner carefully. She made sure to go slowly so Izzy could keep up. As long as she could feel the unicorns breath on her flank, she was going at the perfect pace. They crept along the grassy lawn of the museum, trying to keep as silent as possible.

Sunny turned back to look at Izzy as they approached the far side of the wall parallel to the pillars. She quirked her head toward the tall pillars and then winked. Izzy rolled her eyes and waved a hoof down. When Sunny didn't understand, Izzy shoved the slightly taller mare down into a crouch and then copied.

Her white horn glowed a light pink to contrast her blue and purple mane. Leaves rustled on the opposite side, causing the pegasi guards to snap to attention and run to the source of the noise. Izzy looked back at Sunny, horn still providing a pink light, and smirked. "Okay, Sunny, are you ready to go?"

Oh To Dream Without My eyes (Contest)

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It was a beautiful sunny day. The air smelled like apples and there were juicy, fruitful trees as far as the eye could see. Why, it almost seemed like a dream. Applejack took off her giant hat and waved it in the air, her hoof somehow keeping a grip on it.

“Yeehaw! This is the best day ever!” she yelled into the endless field of trees.

If there was anything that Applejack loved to do, it was hard work. Yes, hard work is all that mattered. And most of all, she loved her hat, which she placed back on her head. Applejack breathed in deeply and smiled. She could never get past that delicious smell of juicy, sweet apples at Sweet Apple Acres.

As she walked closer to the trees, she felt her muscles bunch up in anticipation. The first day of applebucking season was always her favourite day of the year. The feeling of satisfaction of a job well done, and the sound of the perfectly ripened apples hitting the bottom of the barrel. Every thud perfectly aligned with the beating of her heart. It was as if her entire life was made for this.

But something was off. She was deep in the woods; she must have been walking for longer than she thought. Her eyes adjusted to the sudden darkness, and there was the silhouette of another pony. “Hello? Is anypony there?”

Her voice wavered as she saw the unmistakable shape of a giant hat.


Sweet Pepper looked around in confusion. Why were there so many trees? Why was she in her Daring Do cosplay? Where even was she? At least it smelled really good.

“Hello? Is anypony there?” a voice called out from the distance.

“Oh sweet Celestia,” she hissed. There was somepony else here with her in these dark, deliciously fragrant woods. Maybe they were friendly, but maybe they weren’t. Did she really want to find out?

Sweet Pepper looked around in the dark, her eyes barely adjusting to the low level of light as she darted behind a tree, hoping that the other pony wouldn’t find her.

“Come on out, I don’t wanna hurt ya,” the voice carried through the woods again.

Was that true? Who knows. Sweet Pepper sure didn’t. But at least having her Daring Do costume made her feel better. Maybe she could be just as strong as Daring Do herself! Yes. that would have to work. Daring Do would never be afraid of somepony making their existence known to that level. No, Daring Do would face them head on.

So she took a step out, finally able to see in the darkness. Another mare stood a few hoof-lengths away from her. She seemed to be orange with a long mane tied at the end, like her tail. But most curiously, on the top of her head sat a hat.

“A giant… hat?” Sweet Pepper questioned out loud.

“You have a giant hat too? But why?” The mare tilted her head in confusion and took another step forward. “That don’t make any sense at all.”

Sweet Pepper shrugged. “I don’t know, this is my Daring Do costume.”


Why were they just standing there talking about giant hats? Actually, why were they there at all?

Luna frowned curiously as she observed the scene in front of them.

“Oh, I know Daring Do. Never read the books, but I know her,” Applejack told her.

“You know her?”

“Eeyup.”

Okay, this was getting a bit strange. They started talking about their hats and what they meant. Sweet Pepper went on about the holes in them, and how she figured out exactly how many arrows had gone through Daring Do’s hat. She was a super fan after all.

But it was strange that they were both there. Luna stepped out from her blatantly obvious hiding place in the shadows and cleared her throat. The two mares screamed in surprise, and then each raised a hoof to their chest.

Applejack was the only one to speak, while Sweet Pepper bowed. “Princess Luna? What are ya doin’ here?”

What was she doing here? That was a great question. “I do not know. I felt a disturbing presence in this dream, but not a nightmarish one. I came to investigate, and I found you two here.”

Sweet Pepper stood up and raised an eyebrow dubiously. “Wait, a dream? So this isn’t real?”

Luna shook her head. “I’m afraid not. Although, it seems to be Applejack’s dream mostly.” She sniffed the air audibly and smiled. “A nice one, too.”

“Wait, Applejack?” Sweet Pepper turned to look at the orange mare. It was suddenly bright outside. “Oh I know you! Well about you.”

Applejack opened her mouth, but was interrupted by a voice from above. “Heads up!”


With a crash and a totally non-lethal explosion of fire, Spitfire entered the growing circle of ponies. She was wearing her Wonderbolts uniform for reasons that can only be described as “It was in the picture”. She stood up, her eyes lolling about her head as she shook back into reality. Or, well, not reality.

“Woah, sorry. Not sure what just happened there. I was doing some flying, you know, trying to get my speed up when all of a sudden my wings stopped working.” Spitfire rubbed her head with a hoof. For a totally non lethal explosion, that really hurt.

She looked at the ponies surrounding her. Applejack, some cosplayer, and… Princess Luna? Wait, that wasn’t even the weirdest part. She gestured to Applejack and the wannabe Daring Do and cocked her aching head. “Uh, those are some giant hats.”

Applejack and the other mare looked up at their hats. “Wow, they just seem to be getting bigger!” Sweet Pepper exclaimed.

Spitfire’s arcane knowledge led her to the conclusion that the other pony’s name was Sweet Pepper. Applejack chuckled and flicked her hat with a hoof. “You’re right. Rarity’s gonna love this.”


“Giant hats?” Fiddlesticks yelled into the circle of ponies. “I have a giant hat too!”

Fiddlesticks sprinted over to them, since ponies are able to materialize into existence now. She not only sprinted into the group, but on her hind hooves too. She was really just so talented she played an entire orchestra written for multiple instruments on her fiddle.

And truly, the giant hat on her head was no match for anypony else’s. It was so large that it just kept growing at exponential rates. The once bright circle of ponies was downcast by the shadow from Fiddlestick’s giant hat. “I think mine is the biggest.”

Applejack gasped and looked at Fiddlesticks, who may or may not be her cousin, it was kind of unclear. “Wow Fiddle! That’s a big hat!”

As soon as she said that, her and Sweet Pepper’s hats deflated like balloons and hit Spitfire and Luna in the face respectively. Spitfire coughed. She was on fire, possibly from the grand entrance that she had made before, but it didn’t seem to bother her. Luna was still, like a statue.

“I know,” Fiddlesticks agreed with a giggle. “It gets larger the more I play my fiddle.” She kept playing her fiddle, she played so fast because if you can play it slowly, you can play it quickly. This was something she learned from her dear friend Lightning Dust. Oh, and speaking of Lightning Dust...


If you thought Spitfire’s entrance was grand, then Lightning Dust’s was somehow even bigger. Almost as big as Fiddlesticks’ giant hat. “Yeah! Play that fiddle, Fiddle! Woo hoo!”

Lightning Dust flew in so quickly, she clipped through the floor and out of existence. “Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.”

This made everyone laugh. Luna was the only exception. She was still, like a statue. Fiddlesticks giggled and kept playing her fiddle. “Don’t worry, this happens all the time.”

Spitfire continued to blaze like a bonfire. “Uh, you do know this is a dream, right?” Applejack and Sweet Pepper nodded in agreement with Spitfire’s arcane knowledge.

“Oh, well, either way,” Fiddlesticks stated simply with a shrug. “It happens.”

Applejack, Spitfire, and Fiddlesticks looked at each other in confusion. Luna was starting to erode. Maybe she would turn to dust? No, that wasn’t it. Spitfire’s growing ember of flames was starting to make her shiny, it wasn’t erosion.

With a dramatic swipe of her bow, Fiddlesticks finished her orchestral piece and exhaled loudly, mimicking a crowd. “And that was my piece!” Her giant hat popped and fell back onto her head. It was normal sized now. “What did you think?”

“It was really good!” Lightning Dust’s voice said from somewhere.

And then the ground started shaking.

“Darn it, not another one,” Applejack muttered.


The thundering boom of a giant hoofstep filled everyone’s minds, shaking their bodies down to the very core of their existence. The ground trembled as Sweetie Belle walked in. She was not foal sized anymore. She was big. Huge. One might even say, giant. Almost as big as Fiddlesticks’ once-giant hat.

“Hi everypony!” Sweetie Belle’s voice was so loud and high pitched that Luna broke free from her catatonic state and shrieked. This caused everyone else to scream, because they had forgotten that Luna was there.

“Sweetie Belle? What in tarnation happened to ya?” Applejack looked up at the monstrously humongous Sweetie Belle, a look of both fear and admiration on her face.

Sweetie Belle shrugged, daring the world itself to give her an answer. “I don’t know, but it’s amazing! Now Apple Bloom can’t say she’s the tallest one!”

Spitfire crackled. That was not a typo, she crackled. Little bits of fire flew from her. “Wait! Something is happening!”

Everyone turned to Spitfire in fear except for Sweetie Belle. She looked down. “What?”

Spitfire shook violently, her fire growing bigger until it hissed and disappeared. But the pony that remained was not Spitfire. In fact, Sweetie Belle had no idea who this one was. She narrowed her eyes and hummed in confusion, a shockwave that made the trees sway.

But Applejack seemed to know something. She gasped.


“Autumn Blaze?” Applejack questioned carefully.

She was still, almost as still as Luna for a second. Then, she lifted a hoof and opened her mouth, belting the most beautiful note that anypony had ever heard.

It was so beautiful, it made them all cry. A giant tear drop fell from Sweetie’s face and splashed onto everyone. Autumn Blaze kept singing the one note. She had too much power, if she even tried a simple melody, everyone might die of happiness, so she kept singing the one note. It was a D sharp.

“Autumn, please stop,” Applejack sniffled. Her eyes were red from all the crying. “You’re gonna make Sweetie Belle drown us all.”

The kirin had been running out of breath anyway, so she nodded. “Yeah, okay, Applejack.” She stopped singing, and everyone stopped crying abruptly. Not a single gasp for breath was heard. It was as if somepony had stopped spinning a record. “Say, how did I get here?’

“Well, Spitfire was here but then she turned into you,” Sweet Pepper explained.

Autumn Blaze nodded wisely. “Wow, I can’t wait to tell all of my friends about that.”


“MWAH HAH HAH HAH!!! FRIENDS?” A voice larger than life echoed through the dreamscape. “FRIENDS ARE FOR LOSERS!”

Sweetie Belle started to shrink like the author’s will to live. She became so tiny so fast, she had to climb onto Luna’s back, who was once again still like a statue.

“That voice,” Applejack murmured.

Fiddlesticks played a dramatic sting on her fiddle. “Dun dun dun.”

“FRIENDSHIP IS MAGIC, YOU SAY? BLAH. UNTRUE.”

“It can’t be,” Applejack whispered. Autumn Blaze hummed under her breath, not caring about whatever was happening. “Starlight Glimmer?”

“This is stupid,” Lightning Dusk said from the abyss she was in. “I’m so glad I clipped out of existence.”

“CLIP OUT OF EXISTENCE? WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?”

“Oh it’s a video game thing. Do you not have video games where you’re from?”

“NO.”

Applejack coughed. “Uh, are ya gonna wake up?”


Wallflower opened her eyes. “What the hell?”

Applejack stood in front of her. The real one. Not whatever the hell her dream had been. “I said, are ya gonna wake up? Ya fell asleep.”

Fell asleep? Oh, well that would definitely explain the dream she had just had. “Oh, right, sorry.” Wallflower stood up drowsily and picked up the book off her desk. It was wet with drool. Gross. “So, how are you guys?”

“Fine, I guess,” Applejack answered with a shrug. “How bout you?” She eyed Wallflower’s spit-covered textbook. “Have a good sleep?”

A good sleep? Could she even call that a good sleep? “Uh, kind of? I had this really weird dream.”

“Really?” Applejack followed Wallflower out the classroom door with an intrigued smirk on her face. “What was it?”

Wallflower put a finger up to her chin. Unlike most of her other dreams, this one didn’t seem to fade away immediately. “Well, in my dream you were this little… Horse thing. With a giant hat. That seemed to be important.”

Applejack absentmindedly lifted a hand to adjust her hat. “Oh, well, that’s a bit strange,” she said with an odd grin. “Can’t say I’ve heard that one before.”

“Yeah, it was weird. Anyway, so you were going into this forest when you saw this other horse with this giant hat…”

Interesting Dates for Interesting Ponies (Panic!)

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The most interesting of couples sat in front of Twilight.

In reality, Twilight herself thought she was plain; boring, at best. Why did they ask her to join them? They were both so cool, and she was just so… normal. A glance to the ponies that sat across from her made Twilight blush and adjust her fork with a hoof. “So, what do you girls usually do on a date?”

Applejack looked at Rainbow Dash, who looked at Applejack. “To be honest with ya, we usually do a lot of what Rainbow Dash calls ‘cool things’, but a lot of it involves runnin’ and competin’. We figured you wouldn’t be into that on an empty stomach.”

Oh, great. Applejack just said that Twilight wasn’t cool. At least, she implied it. Twilight smiled nervously. “Oh! Well, don’t let me stop you. We could do that next time if you want.”

Rainbow Dash stuffed a fork of salad in her mouth and nodded. “Mhm!”

The restaurant was hardly anything special or fancy. Low budget furniture for ponies on a low budget date. She still didn’t understand. Why did they ask her? All she ever did really was read and send letters to Princess Celestia. The only way to get an answer was to ask. “Hey, so I have a question.”

“Shoot.” Rainbow Dash grinned through a mouthful of food, which caused Applejack to roll her eyes.

“Well, I’m really flattered you asked me to… date you!” Twilight smiled awkwardly and blushed. “I mean… I really like you both.”

Applejack raised an eyebrow. “But?”

Twilight’s mouth twitched. “Not but as in I don’t want to, but but as in why do you want to?”

Rainbow Dash swallowed harshly and slammed a hoof on the table. “Well, duh! You’re super cool!”

“Me? Cool?” Twilight fidgeted in her seat. “I’m sorry, I don’t follow.”

“Yeah, you cool!” Rainbow Dash smiled eagerly at Twilight. “I mean, you totally banded us together to defeat Nightmare Moon and you have all of this knowledge in your eggehead brain and you’re so smart and always have a solution!” If Rainbow Dash noticed Twilight becoming redder than the apples on Applejack’s flank, she didn’t let that stop her. “Plus, you’re definitely super attractive. Almost as hot as me! And that’s saying something.”

Applejack decided it was her turn to take a bite of food, but nodded in agreement with Rainbow Dash. “She’s got a point, Twi.”

Twilight melted into her seat, then sat up straight again. Nopony had ever called her cool before. “You really think so?”

Rainbow Dash nodded. “Definitely! Now come on, eat your food. We were gonna go do that cool stuff after dinner.”

early mornings (Panic!)

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Early mornings were always Twilight’s favourite time of day. Specifically, the moments just before the sun rises; it was her namesake after all. The cool purples and pinks of the sky that matched her fur colour served to allow her to disappear into the world itself. Maybe if she sat still enough she could become one with the land and disappear entirely.

The breeze made it a bit chilly, and Twilight shivered. She gazed out from her balcony and looked over Ponyville. Would she ever see this quaint little town the same way she had for the past few years? It had, against her wishes at the time, become her home. It was funny how life worked out. She had never wanted to leave Canterlot at first, and now she was being forced to go back.

Twilight sipped from her warm mug of coffee. She didn’t usually drink coffee; the caffeine certainly never helped her nerves and the taste was too bitter for her liking. But she was calm, now. Too calm, considering she was about to leave her friends behind.

It was always so silent before the sun went up. Spike was still asleep, which definitely helped keep the empty castle quieter than it normally seemed. Every sip of the mug, every chirp of the birds echoed through the chamber of the crystal walls. Twilight should have been asleep too, but she couldn’t make herself fall into the slumber that she so desperately craved. So instead, she decided to drink a cup of coffee. Her life was about to entirely change. She could handle a cup of coffee, for once.

It warmed her up inside in a way that only her friends seemed to be able to do. The rich taste of the coffee reminded her of Applejack’s pride. The heat made her think of Rainbow Dash’s fiery personality. The aroma made Twilight recall every single moment she had ever spent inside Sugarcube Corner – every moment she had ever spent with Pinkie. There was something about the quiet bubbling of the coffee being brewed that reminded her of having tea with Fluttershy and the satisfaction of a cup of coffee finished reminded her of Rarity’s eagerness to get a design done.

With a sigh, Twilight set her cup down and leaned on the railing of her balcony. There was hardly anypony awake. Would this day go well for her? The buzzing inside her felt amplified by the energy that the coffee gave her sleepless mind. It might be the last time she ever called the Friendship Castle her home. Were her friends worried, too?

Despite herself, Twilight smiled slightly as she breathed in the fresh air. Her stuff was all packed, and all that was left was to get on the train to Canterlot. Princess Twilight Sparkle, she mused. It never felt so official before.

The sun rose slowly over the horizon, turning the pinks and purples into a deep orange, and then into the bright blue sky that always seemed to cheer up Ponyville. At least in that way, Twilight figured, she could always keep a part of home with her. Whenever she looked up at the sunny blue skies, she knew her friends would be looking too, and in a way, that meant they were all together.

Always.

PLEASE DO NOT READ THIS ITS ABOUT BEANS (OTHER)

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mmmmmmmmmmmmm lentils yummy. now:

It was quite an easy task. Grow beans. Grow beans. That's all she heard. Grow beans.

"Motherfucking beans!" Applejack yelled. "Damn it! Beans! Legumes!"

She kicked a pile of beans (definitely not magical) and huffed. No matter how many times she tried to grow the beans, Applejack just couldn't get it to work. No amount of dirt, soil, manure (which totally wasn't... homemade) or water would make these funky legumes grow. Nothing. At all.

Applejack bared her teeth and trotted in circles around the beans, singing the magic bean song. I don't know what the words are, so don't ask for them. Even that didn't help. Stupid beans. Applejack shook her head and threw her hat down on the floor on top of the beans. Suddenly, the ground shook, causing her to tip over and fall right on her tail. Silly Applejack. Get that vertigo checked.

"What the..." Applejack muttered as her hat rocketed sky high. The beans flew up, encased in fire. Applejack gawked, slightly afraid of what she was looking at but mostly... in awe....

"These are the most beautiful beans I've ever seen in my gol darn life!"

The beans responded with an ethereal whisper. Something about the dark lord and blood of her enemies. Applejack smiled and nodded. Yes, this was fine. A being made of beans materialized right in front of her. It looked just like her, only made of bean-y goodness. It even sported her hat.

Applejack had never felt such lust before. She stared at her beanself and smiled goofily. She just looked so.... delicious. Yes, delicious is the word I'm going with. Beanjack looked... delicious. Applejack panted, suddenly overcome with the urge to try Beanjack. Not in a weird, sexual way. Jesus fucking Christ.

Beanjack sauntered forward in a completely normal way that beanhorses do, and opened her mouth. "You know you want it," she whispered.

Applejack gulped. "Want what?"

"The beans."

"AWOOGA!" Applejack explained.

Beans shot right out of Beanjack's entire being and rocketed into Applejack's mouth. They slid down her throat like water, and hot damn did it taste good.

But at what cost?

Before Applejack even knew what was happening, Beanjack let out a stifled scream and then disappeared as one last bean sadly bounced off of Applejack's full mouth and onto the floor. Applejack frowned and swallowed all the beans in her mouth. She stared at the last bean on the floor. The ethereal whisper came back.

Applejack looked down. Her hooves became... tingly. Tingly, like pins and needles. No, those were beans, her hooves were beans. Applejack's world caved in around her as her entire body became beans and the voice chanted. "Grow beans. Grow beans.”

THE MOST EPIC RAP BATTLE OF THE CENTURY (Panic!)

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HE wasn’t serious, was HE?

HE was only a COLT. And yet HE was…

“What are you doing again, kid?” I asked.

The little COLT looked at me and with a deep (much deeper than I would have thought) drawl, replied, “I’m challenging you to a rap battle.”

“What?”

What.

“A rap battle,” Apple Bloom repeated, pushing HIS insanely large hat up HIS insanely tiny head.

I hate kids.

“Fine,” I groaned, if only to make this… Apple Bloom leave. “Fine. I’ll start.” I cleared my throat and picked up a nearby microphone. Thankfully, I was wearing my coolest rapping outfit.
“Hey little Apple Bloom, wouldn’t you agree?
Your silly little rhymes have nothing on me.
I’m impeccable at speech and no, I don’t linger.
I did well in school, every test a ringer.
More successful than your daddy in a fraction of the time,
Try to come back at me with more than a nursery rhyme.”

I smirked as I stared at HIM, daring HIM to fight back. I was oddly curious to see what HE’d say.

Standing up on magnificent cowboy boots, Apple Bloom put his hooves up and began to rap in the same, deep drawl.

“Spitfire, ey, what you got?
I’ve had better rap battles at the farmer’s shop.
You say ya did better at school? What a lie
I’m draggin’ your behind, as easy as pie.
The rhymes you speak are so childish and simple
I thought I was the foal, but you’re smaller than my dimple.”

The crowd of ponies that gathered around us all jeered at Apple Bloom’s comeback as the aggressively Southern pony toyed with HIS chaps. Why HE’d have any was beyond me. Nevermind that. I tilted my head and felt my neck crack. So HE wanted to play? Let’s play.

“I didn’t realize it was amateur hour at school
You really thought you could beat me? Pre-pubescent fool.
I got more words in my vocabulary than you can count
You’re still learning the alphabet, without a doubt
For your sake, little Bloom, I recommend you just leave
You don’t wanna end up with a third-degree.”

Apple Bloom scoffed and stuck HIS tongue out at me. “Yer real funny, Spitfire, but I was just getting warmed up.

“Third-degree? I bet you wish ya had just one
I looked you up? Drop-out? Yikes, that’s no fun
I guess the ‘Bolts don’t really care about your grades
Your blank gaze can’t always hide behind those shades.”

HE was good. I had to admit it. But HE wasn’t as good as me, not even by a bit. Hey, I didn’t mean to rhyme that time. Oh. There I go again.

“Rhyming comes naturally to me, I’ve been doing it since before you were alive
You’ve got nothing on me, I mean, what, you’re only like, five?
Only dropped out ‘cause I knew it was worth it
Stay in school, kid, you would never make it.

Snorting, Apple Bloom scowled at me.
“I guess you bumped your head a few times
You seem to have forgotten all the good rhymes
Rhyming it with it? Wow, that was a reach
Hey, Spitfire? You know somethin’? You’re a real b—”

“—APPLE BLOOM!”

The COLT, and admittedly, myself, jumped, falling back on all fours as another voice cut into our awesome rap battle. Apple Bloom squeaked, still with that low, low, drawl. “Uh… Applejack?”

Applejack (ah, so this is Applejack. Gotta admit, Dash, I get it. She fine) all but stomped up to Apple Bloom. “You silly filly, you were about to say a bad word!”

Apple Bloom shook in HIS boots. “N-no!”

“Yes.”

I smirked.

“NOOOOO BUT I WAS GONNA KICK HER BUT, SIS!”

“But what?” Applejack quipped.

“BUTT* I MEANT BUTT. HOW DO YOU DO THAT?”

Applejack looked at me, then at you. “I just can, sugarcube.”

I shivered. “So who won?”

Applejack hummed and lifted Apple Bloom over her shoulder, staring right at you. “I dunno. You tell me.”