You're a changeling!" she spat. "Can you even feel love?"
"I can feel your love." I pleaded desperately. "And that's good enough for me. Has been for fifteen years!"
"Ughhh, fine. You owe me a fuller explanation and a heck of an apology later. But right now, what do we do?"
"Stick together."
"Stick together?" she echoed incredulously. "That's your plan? Your species is destroying the city and your plan is just "Stick together?!"
"Hey," I said, shrugging, "It's worked for fifteen years. Why change it now?"
She rolled her eyes and growled. "Grrrr, you know, I really love and hate you right now. At the same time somehow."
"I know," I said, kissing her.
Then a drone kicked a hole in the closet door.
Roll With the Changes
"No way, get out. You are not 271 years old."
Cadance giggled. "It's true! Swear on a cupcake!"
"Well," Franton Lark, replied, "truth be told, you don't look a day over twenty-five."
"Aww, well aren't you a charmer! Shining Armor always said that too!"
"Shining Armor?" He you're ex-husband or something?"
Cadance stiffened a little and nodded.
"Why'd you split up?" Franton cautiously asked.
"Death," the alicorn corrected.
Her date's face contorted. "That's gonna be me someday isn't it?"
"Well, if you can survive this second date. But I wouldn't worry about it. You've got a long life ahead of you. For now, just focus on living. And impressing me. You know, like if you want a kiss at the end."
"I'd like to think in another time, we'd have been friends."
Then the griffon pulled the lever, and my world ended.
A Long Time
"Were you ever you ever happy on the moon?"
"After fifty years of strife between my sister and I, I was glad as ever for some peace and quiet. That lasted about six months. The rest of the time, though?"
"Yes?"
"Really, I'm not sure how Discord handled it as well as he did."
"Mommy," she asked, "why is Vanilla Kisses such a big fat meanie?"
I sighed, continuing to wrap the bandage around her bloody fetlock. I figured my little cookie could handle the truth. "Sweetie, do you want the right answer or the real answer?"
"Tell me both mommy!" she replied.
"Okay. The right answer is that Vanilla has low self esteem. That means she doesn't feel very good about herself. She tries to hurt and bully you and others to make herself feel bigger and more important."
"And what's the real answer?"
I took a deep breath. "The real answer is that Vanilla Kisses is a jerk who will grow up to be a lonely mare, if she doesn't change her ways."
My daughter frowned, but then lit up. "Well, I'm gonna help her. I'm gonna be her friend!"
Uh oh.
Speaking Terms
Yesterday my father died. Today I trotted through the Canterlot gates for the first time in a decade and a half. Guess which city my dad lived in.
Old Friends
"Hey Buck, why'd you quit polo? You were so good at it!"
"Shining, I believe you are the exception to the rule. I've found that following your dreams is rarely a profitable enterprise."
"Hey now, that's not true. You got Lemony Gems, right?"
"..."
"Right?"
"..."
"Another beer? On me."
"I... Yes please."
A Long Time
"Were you ever you ever happy on the moon?"
"After fifty years of strife between my sister and I, I was glad as ever for some peace and quiet. That lasted about six months. The rest of the time, though?"
"Yes?"
"Really, I'm not sure how Discord handled it as well as he did."
Odd's parents meant to name him Todd, but the birth certificate got smudged. All his life, other ponies like Vanilla Kisses bullied him for his odd name. Eventually, Odd couldn't take it anymore, and covered himself in honey and ran into the Everfree forest (a most odd way to kill oneself), never to return again.
In his suicide note, he asked that when he was buried, his headstone be left blank, so that no one else could find him and make fun of him even after death. Unfortunately, ponies would walk by the blank headstone and, puzzled, you know what they would say?
"That's Odd!"
Success is Counted Sweetest
"Hey Scoots?"
"'Sup Sweetie Belle?"
"You ever feel bad about what we're doing?"
"How you reckon?" asked Apple Bloom, overhearing the conversation.
"Well, I mean the original CMC worked so hard to get their cutie marks, but we can just change ours whenever we please."
"Yeah, that's one of the things I try not to think about too much. You know, mother's always talking about staying focused on the job and stuff." Sweetie put down the shovel. "And on that note, all buried."
"I'm raising money for orphan foals," she kept reminding herself. "Keep calm and don't strangle Rainbow Dash. Even though she deserves it."
Rainbow of course was rolling on the ground, laughing at makeup-covered covered farmer. "Oh AJ, the wig, the nose, the polka dotted clown suit, it's just too much! I'm dying over here! You are such a silly pony!"
Forty Eight Extremely Short, Incredibly Horrible, and Shamelessly Bizarre Slashfics, Plus One That's Just Plain Insane, Not to Mention a Character Uprising, Also a Bomb Threat, With a Few Optional Stable Time Loops Too, and Additionally a Foalnapping
"Get in the Fed Ex truck!" Super Trampoline yelled at me. "We're going shipping!"
"So Tigger, in a wrestling match between my mane and your tail, who do you think would win?"
"Gee, I don't know Pinkie! Only one way to find out!"
Feel Like AMON Top of the World, or Some Other KORRA-ble Pun
Everything changed when the Pinkie Pie clones attacked.
Books! They Love Books!
The lights went back on, but now my horn was casting two distinct outlines upon the floor. "Doctor," I asked, fluttering my wings nervously, "why do I have two shadows?"
He grimaced. "Because, well, best case senario, we're about to learn a lot more about alicorn regenerative abilities."
The bravest pony is the pony who either has everything to gain or nothing to lose. Rainbow Dash fights to prove she has both, as she flies east to the end of the world.
Rarity looked down at the three mouse-sized crusaders sitting on her hoof. "Sweetie, darling, you're going to have to explain to me again what this has to do with getting your cutie mark."
Applebloom spoke up. "We're really sorry Miss Rarity. I guess we're just getting kind of desperate."
"Well, while I'm glad you're okay, how exactly did you shrink yourselves anyway?"
Scootaloo answered this time. "Oo oo oo! Twilight had this cool book on forbidden magic and I totallly grabbed it while Sweets and Bloom distracted Twilight and..." The withering stares of her companions silenced her.
Sometimes it's the smallest things that have the greatest impact. No one thought the tiny prematurely born foal with the beautiful mane would even survive the night--much less change the world. But once in a while, when the conditions are just right, a rainbow appears.
"Celestia," my student asked me, "Why do I hear what sounds like a dying duck?"
I chuckled. "Oh Sugar Snap, that's what the bassoon sounds like. Luna tried to usurp the throne and bring about eternal night, so I sent her to practice the bassoon."
"WAahhtutW w Bzzzz ckhhooo ow a ourghghhgh!" assaulted both our ears.
Sugar gave me a doubtful look. "You sent her to practice bassoon."
"Yeah," I said, blushing. "Perhaps I should have sent her packing to the moon instead."
"You know Sunset, if you spent half the time you spend being a huge alpha [BUY SOME APPLES!] studying instead, you could get into any college you want, probably even Trottingham University."
"Snips?"
"Yeah?"
"Shut your fat mouth and hand me the mortar."
What Do You Mean They Raided the Pension Fund?!?!?
"Celestia?" asked Vice Principal Luna.
"Yes, fellow educator?"
"Do you ever get the feeling this job just goes on forever?"
"Sometimes, when I'm feeling otherworldly. But then I look at a clock and remind myself it's only seven more years until retirement, and I smile wearily."
That One Bob Dylan Song
"Whatdoya mean our telegraph ain't gonna be working no more? I use that thing!"
"I appologize Mrs. Smith, but times are changing. People use phones now. You know, Celestia is offering all residences one free landline. Even though this farm is a bit off the grid, we could..."
"Ptuooey! Just get out of here with all your new fangled contraptions and dohickies!"
"But m'am--"
"I said git!"
"As you wish"
And that, Applebloom, is why we don't have phone service.
The Truth of the Matter
The Canterlot High Atheists and Freethinkers Club isn't doing so hot this semester. When girls grow horse ears and use magical friendship music to blast away literal demons, belief in the supernatural becomes a lot more mundane. But hey, the local chapter of the Equestrian Society got an influx of new members.
"Perform it, now," the voice demanded coldly. "You have ten seconds or I start killing the hostages."
Twilight squeezed her eyes, trying to maintain composure. She needed to be strong for her people, stronger than the monsters holding her neck in vice-like magic. She could do this; it was just a simple, albeit unconventional teleportation spell. She read the instructions off the torn paper in front of her one more time, trying to control her rapid breathing. She wasn't very successful.
With a grunt she steeled herself and began constructing the needed matrices and layering the component spells upon them. All eyes upon her, she finished weaving the final layer and casted the activating spell. Powerful mana feedback swirled around as reality started to melt, and that's when it hit her what was so unusual about this formula: It didn't have an endpoint specified! Twilight tried to scream in horror, but there was nothing left to scream in as the dark magic finished tearing her from physical existence.
Home Alone
Twylit called thje Polish. "Polees ther is a Mirror I mean mare in my house.help pleases I vrye scarred right now.
BUTT police offices sayz : Princes I haz a big U R THE MARE!11!1! Woah Twilight knot readish for that an heart attacks 0 no nao she ded. :(
U R THE MARE!11!1!