This is an HiE story as well as a brony in Equestria story. It has no real sex in it, but it does strongly imply it. Contains lots of swearing and some violence. It does not start in Equestria, but it does get there quickly.
Django is a young man in the prime of his life. He jokes, he plays, he smokes weed, he drinks, and he runs into problems with the law. When he and some of his friends get pulled into Equestria through a magical portal, he wants to get home. But as his friends know, he's a brony. This new world is perfect for him in every way imaginable, but he needs to get himself and his friends home. During his stay though, he starts getting to know a few of the locals and makes some new friends. This makes him question his desire to leave. Can he leave this great new world? Can he leave behind his new friends? Will he?
It was a day just like any other day in my life. I was in class playing Uno with my friends, since the teacher would not let us break out the actual cards I had in the left pocket of my cargos. But hey, when you are a rowdy bunch of teens in a "special education" class room, you find a way to make things fun. For instance, when I throw a draw two at Bird, He does not draw two, we draw for him and yell "Uno Attack!" and pelt him with cards. It is funny as hell when he gets mad too; he gets all quiet and gets this look of "what the fuck?" on his face. But the best part of the games is when me and Lewis work together to take everybody else out. Most times, we'll have a combined total of ten cards, and everybody else will look like they picked up half the deck. But the games have to end some time unfortunately, and when they do, the boring stuff begins.
"Turn to page six twenty-three in your text books," Mrs. Jackson said. "Today, we'll be reading about immigration laws in the United States. You have twenty minutes to read through chapter thirty-six, and answer the questions on page six forty-four."
"Why," I asked. "Why do we have to read this boring ass book every day?"
"Watch your mouth!" Mrs. Jackson snapped at me. "You read this book because I tell you to! Be grateful that you don't have to do more."
I looked around the class, and I caught Lewis's eye. It was decided then, we sure as hell were not going to go through this again today. It was Friday, what were they going to do, give us a detention?
"Man," I said, "I don't know how to read, I'm still learning my shapes and colors."
"Yeah, Django's right Mrs. Jackson, we're still stuck on the color purple. It's like blue, but it's not blue. It's so confusing!" he said, finishing off with a fake, over-dramatic breakdown.
"I know, man," I said. "And I'm still stuck on the circle, it's so hard."
"Exactly," yelled Lewis. Then he looked straight at Mrs. Jackson and said, "Us retards don't know how to do big-boy work. Look, I'm still trying to draw a circle the right way."
And with that, he took out his pencil and started to scribble on his book yelling "Arrgghh! It's so hard!" He even added to the effect by putting on his "retard" voice.
"Stop writing in my book and get out of my classroom!" Mrs. Jackson was furious, and everybody in the room was laughing their asses off.
"See," I said to Mrs. Jackson "he really is trying, but his poor retard brain won't let him get schmart." I said the last word in my own retard voice, but doused it in sarcasm. I'm pretty sure that if Humans could explode from anger, Mrs. Jackson would have done so right there and then.
"Get out!" She was screeching at this point, but that just made it funnier. We got up to leave, but I had an idea. An idea that would probably get me a detention on Monday, but it was so worth it.
"You know Mrs. Jackson," I said, "you really need to relax. Here, try to play some Uno, it always helps us relax after you give us these bullshit lessons." Then I picked up the Uno deck off of the desk next to me and pulled out a draw four. "But we play Uno the fun way." Then I slammed the card on the desk as hard as I could and yelled, "Uno Attack!" I then threw the entire deck into the air above Mrs. Jackson and pounded out of the room as fast as I could, Lewis right behind me.
We ran down the hallway laughing so hard it hurt. But as we neared the room we would be in for our last period, we slowed down to a fast walk.
"Man, that shit was funny! I gotta give you that one!" Then he extended his hand in the universal "dap me up" gesture. But before I could, we were attacked.
"Get your little Spanish asses over here!"
Oh no...
But that was all I had time to think of before me and Lewis were put in a headlock that would break the neck of a weaker kid. We struggled at first, but we knew it was futile. Nobody could get away from Ms. Morrison.
"Ah! Ms. Morrison, I can't breath!" I yelled as best I could. Her response was to grip our necks harder.
"Now how many times have I told you little punks not to run in my halls?" It was a question, but for some reason, it sounded like a threat. We were both scared shitless of Ms. Morrison. Trust me, if you knew her, you would be too. The woman was a monster. She was way over six feet tall, and she was insanely strong, and not just for a woman, but I swear, this chick would impress Governor Arnold. But I think the worst part to her is that she can be running up on you, and you would not know it until it was too late. "Now," she said, "because I caught you two," she looked us both in the eye, "again, I'm going to have to teach you a lesson this time so you won't do it anymore."
Me and Lewis exchanged a nervous glance.
"Wh- what are you gonna do?" I asked.
"Well, since you two like to run so much, I thought we'd go on a little run of our own. You know, where nobody can see us." And with that, she started sprinting down the hallway with the two of us still in a tight headlock.
Now, I don't know if you have ever had a giant black lady put you into a headlock, and then make you run down the hallway of a school like that. But let me tell you, It is not all it is cracked up to be. For instance, when you trip and fall, she does not slow down to let you get back up, no that would be too easy. No, instead she keeps going and drags you along for a horrible, horrible ride.
But luckily, we only had to endure maybe ten minutes of this before the bell rang. And let me tell you, I don't think we have ever been so happy to go to class.
"Ms. Morrison," Lewis said in a voice that sounded as if he had swallowed a bucket of sand before he tried to talk. "we need to go to class! I don't wanna be late!"
"Oh, now you want to be in class? I thought y'all were too busy runnin' the halls, and causin' trouble."
"He's right," I managed to get out. "We can't be late again or we'll get a detention!" I put on my best puppy dog eyes, but I think the effect was lost on her. All the same she slowed down to a fast walk and turned in the direction of our classroom.
When we were outside of the room she kicked the door with her boots- why was she wearing big ass black boots?- to signal to our teacher, Ms. Francis that somebody was outside.
When the door opened, we didn't even get to see our teacher, because we were shoved violently into the room by our necks.
"If I ever see you two in my halls cuttin' class again, you'll wish this was all I did to you."
Me and Lewis shared another scared glance, then ran to the back of the room to busy ourselves with the ever-so-important task of trying to see what was so interesting in the bucket of work folders near the back of the room.
But before Ms. Francis could even ask what was going on, Ms. Morrison slammed the door shut and walked off in the direction of a group of kids we passed on our little stroll yelling something about lockers and their fingers.
Ms. Francis winced at the volume in which the door was slammed, then turned to us and opened her mouth to say something, then closed it again. She waited a second, then shook her head and yelled "What did you do this time?!"
I looked at her and said, "All I did was show Mrs. Jackson how to play Uno 'special ed.' style." And I put on an innocent smile and made puppy dog eyes at her. Lewis tried to stifle a snicker but failed completely, and ended up bursting out with laughter, and after a few more seconds of trying to look as innocent as possible, I started laughing as well.
"Keep it up, and you're going to lose your McDonalds. I'm being nice and buying it for you, but I could just as easily give you your regular math work."
"No, Ms. Francis! We worked hard for that," I said. It was totally true too. Me and Lewis bet Ms. Francis that we could go an entire period without causing any problems. And let me tell you something, it was hard as hell to do that, and not just regular "Oh, I forgot that I couldn't do that, I'm sorry Ms. Francis, can you please forgive me?" kind of hard, but the "I swear to god man, I can just go to McDonalds myself and steal some poor saps food and have a good time here." kind of hard.
"Fine, get your stuff from your lockers since we won't be back until after the bell rings."
"Alright, Ms. Francis," me and everybody yelled out.
It was only for the juniors of the class at first. We would each get five things from the dollar menu and a drink, but I haggled a bit, and got her to buy all fifteen of us two things from the dollar menu, and we could buy ourselves some soda from the corner store for about a dollar more each. So I had earned a favor from everybody in the room, and I sure as hell was gonna call in those favors when I needed them.
Once we had gotten our things and got into the van Ms. Francis had borrowed from the school- the same van she said if we ate inside of, she would throw our food out of the window- and were on our way to get some quality food from the worst fast-food joint on the planet: McDonalds.
***
Equis, Equestria, Ponyville Library
Twilight Sparkle was possibly the most talented unicorn in Equestria, maybe even the world. That was how she was put in charge of the task she was struggling with now. Even though she may be insanely powerful in magic, smarts, and the ability to solve problems, she was not sure she could pull this off, even with all the help she had.
"Is the relay set up correctly?"
"Yes, Ms. Sparkle."
"And the power levers, are they stable?"
"As stable as they'll ever be."
"And the primers? What about the positioning of the portal? Oh, be careful with the antennae!"
"Twilight, don't worry, everything is under control," a calm voice reassured her.
Twilight looked behind her to see a tall, majestic alicorn striding towards her. She instantly panicked, thinking she did something wrong, and that was why Celestia was here.
"Princess! What are you doing here? Did I do something wrong? Did I miscalculate the projections? Did-" She was cut short when Celestia put a hoof to her mouth, silencing her, and gave her a warm smile.
Twilight blinked in surprise. Then she was able to talk again when Celestia remove her hoof from Twilight's mouth.
"Then- then what are you doing here," Twilight asked.
Celestia strode towards the large machine in the library- which was also Twilight's home- and said, "I'm just here to make sure you don't put yourself through too much unnecessary stress."
Twilight looked stunned, then she replied, "Me, stressed? Pffftt, I'm not stressed, I just have a lot of work that needs to be done, and my success or failure could possibly mean the end of Equestria as we know it," she said in a cheery tone, "so what's there to be stressed about?"
Celestia walked over to Twilight and put a hoof on her shoulder. "Don't worry, my faithful student, I'm sure you'll make me, and all of Equestria, proud."
And with that, Celestia walked away to let Twilight, and the team of the most highly qualified ponies she could ever hope to meet, get back to work. After all, they were working on the single most important project know to pony-kind: a way to look into other dimensions.
***
Earth, America, Ohio, Cleveland
To avoid having to yell at us for eating in the van, Ms. Francis made us eat in the parking lot outside of McDonalds. She sat in the driver's seat of the van with the heat on, while we stood outside in the freezing cold.
"Man, this is some bullshit," Lewis said between bites of his chicken sandwich.
"Oh, believe me, I know," I said, "Here, let's play a quick game of AK-47 while the little kids finish their food."
I pulled the cards out of my pocket and dealt out four hands, one for me, one for Lewis, one for T-boy- I still do not know if that is his real name or not, but whatever- and one for Tyrence. We were almost finished with the game when we heard a horn blare from behind us.
"C'mon, let's go!"
"God damn it," I said. "Show your hands, whoever's closest wins."
Turns out I was the closest, so I went home with the huge bounty of eight wrappers from our meal.
"Congratulations," said Lewis, "you earned that prize."
"Yeah," I said sarcastically, "this is the best damn prize I've ever won in my long years of livin'." Sarcasm was dripping from every word, but it was so cold, I could almost see it freeze as it did so.
Cards back in my pocket, I got back into the van so we could get back to school. Once everybody was in I took out my iPod and my charger and plugged it into the port in the dashboard. Ms. Francis did not seem to mind, so I took that as a sign that I could listen to some real music instead of this chips-and-dip muzak party bullshit she was into.
I had turned on one of my favorite songs and cranked the volume to the maximum. When my music is all the way up, I could be standing in the back of the classroom with the door closed, and you would be able to hear it outside in the hallway it is so loud. So it is no surprise I didn't realize what was happening until I felt the car getting picked up off the road.
***
Equis, Equestria, Ponyville Library
Twilight was focusing as hard as she could to fuel the spell that was working the portal open. She had to, for if she lost control of this spell, it could rip a hole in the fabric of reality, and if that happened, it could destroy Equestria, and any other world in existence.
She was fine-tuning the spell so they could see different dimensions when the current one was empty, and a lot of them were empty, so she was constantly working harder and harder filtering through dimension after dimension.
It had been nearly an hour since she had started the spell up, so she was nearly spent. She was just about to quit when one of the scientist ponies yelled out. "I think I've got a read on something," he said.
She nearly lost focus right there and then, but she caught herself before she could.
"You just need to go a little bit more, Ms. Sparkle," the scientist said. "Once we get an accurate reading on where it's coming from, we can go straight there."
She adjusted the spell ever-so-slightly, and waited for the scientist pony to speak up again. It seemed like a lifetime for Twilight since she was exerting herself so much.
"Just a tiny bit more," he yelled. "Just a bit more and we should have a lock!"
Twilight adjusted her spell one last time before the scientist pony yelled out again. "That's it! We have a lock!"
She heard a few quiet voices, and some machinery whirring, and data being processed on a device somewhere before he spoke again.
"You just need to go a little bit deeper, and we should find that reading," he informed Twilight. "Just put a little more juice into your spell, and we should be set!"
She didn't know if she could, but she sure knew she was going to try. She focused harder and pushed more, adding to the magical output of her horn. It started to hurt after a few seconds, but the pain was soon washed away when she heard somepony yell out in excitement.
"There, I can see it. I can see the other dimension!"
There was a lot of clamoring and yelling going on, but Twilight had her eyes closed with concentration, so she could not see anything that was going on. But she wanted so badly to see the new world. So she decided that it probably would not be to much of a loss of her focus to take a quick peek into the portal. After all, she was in charge of this assignment, it would only be fair for her to see what was on the other side of the portal. She opened her eyes a crack, and she saw something that she never expected to see. In the portal she could see what looked like a large moving hunk of metal with things inside of it. No, not "things", but people. She could see other beings in another dimension! She was so lost in her excitement that she lost focus. It was only for a fraction of a second, but it was enough for things to go horribly wrong, and quick. She saw the portal change from a light lavender color, to a dark shade a purple, and it started flickering sporadically.
She started to panic- wrong move. As it turns out, it was a really wrong move, for the large white object in the portal viewer started to rock back and fourth, and after a few seconds, it was violently torn from the ground. But it wasn't just lifted up off the ground, it started to get bigger, and Twilight saw that the object in the viewer was coming towards her!
She tried to close the portal before anything bad could happen, but it was too late, the large metal object she saw in the portal was barreling into the room at close to fifty miles per hour.
There was a loud "vroossh" as it flew over her head and crashed into the far wall of the library. But after that, it didn't move. There were strange sounds coming from the metal object in the far side of the room. Sounds like hissing, and puttering, and the odd knock, or bang.
But she wasn't worried about the sounds it was making for long, because she started hearing sounds coming from within the thing. Sounds that could only be made from something that was alive. Alive, and possibly dangerous.
***
Earth, America, Ohio, Cleveland
The van was lifted off of the ground quickly, and started rocking back and forth in the air. I was in the front with Ms. Francis, so I didn't have the pleasure of being squashed together so tightly in the back seat I could not get whiplash. I pulled off my headphones and looked around the van to see what the hell was happening. We were floating around in the air, that much was known, but you might think that was cool, right? No, it really, really, was not. You want to know why it was not cool? Well, I will tell you exactly why it was not cool. First off, we were going nearly fifty miles per hour on the road, so when we lifted off, we still had that momentum to carry us forward. So say, for instance, a giant fucking building gets in your way, and you can not turn because vans are not exactly made for flying, so you are pretty much screwed. The only thing there was to do at that point was to scream, so scream I did. I just hope it was a manly scream like "Aaaaahhhhhh!" and not all girly like "Eeeeeehhhhehehe!" But we were all screaming our lungs out so it was hard to tell if the manly scream was me or Ms. Francis, but I'm pretty sure Ms. Francis's voice can't go that low... Pretty sure, but not positive.
You know how when you talk about how you are going to die, and you say things like: "I'm going to die in bed with a bunch of hot girls." Or something equally stupid as that. Well, the only words I could say were along the lines of: "Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck!"
We were about to hit the building. We were only twenty feet away, ten feet, five, four, three, two, one foot away. And just as we hit the building... everything went bright. When I say bright, I don't mean bright as in "Hey look, I can stare into the sun longer than you can, huh, huh!" but bright as in "Aaahhhhh, my eyeballs are being boiled in their sockets!" So yeah, take a second to try to image what that is like. Got that image in your head? Good. Now amplify that by about a million and two.
We didn't hit the building, but I did hear a 'vroossh' after a second or two. I had time to wonder what that was before we did hit something, and hard. There was the sound of a crash, and then the shrieking of metal grinding against metal, then there was a ringing noise.
Is that in the car, or is that just in my own ears?
That was the only thought I had before it stopped.
I guess it was just me then. Glad it's over, it was damn annoying.
I looked back into the seats behind me and Ms. Francis. Nobody was moving. Not one of them, and it made my blood run cold.
Are they all dead?! Am I the only one who survived?!
But then I was able to hear breathing, and relaxed, realizing that they were not dead. At least, not all of them. I turned my head back forward to look at Ms. Francis, to check if she was alright, but all I saw was red.
What the fuck...?
I wiped my hand across my face, and when I pulled it away I could see. It was blood seeping into my eyes. A lot of blood. But I was not too worried, head wounds always bleed a lot, so chances are, that it was not to serious.
I looked at Ms. Francis, but she was not moving, I reached over and grabber her arm. I put my fingers to her wrist and waited. One second passed, then two, then five... I started to freak out, but then I felt it, her pulse. It was weak, but It was there.
I had about a second to relax before I heard a loud 'BANG', and then it felt like I was just hit in the face by a pillow case filled with concrete.
The airbags went off, and I could tell instantly, they just broke my nose.
Well, I thought, at least it can't get any worse.
Then I passed out from the pain, shock, and blood loss.
When I woke up, I was disoriented. I had no idea what time it was, where I was, or what had happened to me. But as the seconds ticked by, it all started to come back to me. I was in a car wreck, but what had happened for the van to do something like that? Were we caught in an alien tractor beam? Had we hit an anti-magnetic field of something or other, and that's why we lifted off of the ground like that? All I knew for certain was that I was alive, and I seemed to be in some sort of hospital.
I looked around me to see that I wasn't alone. There were other people on beds to the left and right of me. But there was some missing, there were fifteen of us on this little trip of ours, yet there were only thirteen beds.
I guess not all of us made it...
I was grateful that I was alive, but I needed to know who was here, and who was not. For instance, if Ms. Francis was dead, then what would we do? Would I take over? Could I? I did not know, but that did not matter. What did matter was that I need to get up and find out just what the hell was going on.
As I sat up in bed I noticed that I was completely injury free. I had no cuts, or bruises, or anything like that. And to top it off, My nose was fixed. I reached up to touch the bridge of my nose, but when my hands made contact, I wished they had not. It felt like there was a fire ant colony living in there, and they were angry that I was disturbing them by touching my seemingly healed nose.
I then noticed a mirror across the room, so I got up and made my way over to it. I was a bit wobbly in the knees, but I made the trip without too much of a problem. When I looked into the mirror, I was shocked. I had no cuts or anything, but what I did have was worse. I had a huge scar running across my face, from above my right eye, over it, and over my lips, ending just above my chin. But that wasn't even the bad part. The bad part was that I didn't have a regular eye anymore. Instead of the dark brown that my eye normally was, the color was pure white. Where the pupil should have been was just a circle of a slightly darker shade of white.
I tried to close my eyes, but when I opened them up again, I knew I was not just seeing things. I now had a huge scar, and a dead eye.
Wow, I thought to myself, I look like a bad ass.
I could still see fine out of both eyes, if anything, I could see better than I could before the accident. I had a few other scars as well, but nothing even close to the one on my face. I had a few more minutes to admire my new look in the mirror before I heard shouts from outside. I looked left and right, but saw nothing I could hide behind, so I did the next best thing. I picked up a nearby coat stand and took up a defensive position, in case they were anything less than friendly. My days of playing DayZ taught me a thing or two about trusting people.
The shouting grew more frantic, and also grew in volume and intensity. Whoever they were, they were getting close to the door, and here I was standing right out in the open like an idiot when I should have been hiding behind the door so I could get the drop on them. But before I could mentally berate myself further, the door burst open and what was standing there made my eyes go as wide as they have ever gone before.
There, standing in the doorway looking around the room frantically, was a brown pony wearing a lab coat and a stethoscope. The first thought going through my mind was, er, actually, I don't think I was able to process anything at that particular moment in my life. Strange as it sounds- and believe me, it sounds strange to me too- I was completely, and utterly at a loss for words.
After a few seconds the pony noticed me standing by the mirror holding a coat stand across my chest. When he saw me- and yes I know it is a he- his jaw dropped wide open. We both stood there in stunned silence for a few seconds before another pony ran into the room, this time a female. She saw the doctor pony first, then she saw just what he was looking at. When she saw me, well, lets just say her reaction could have been a lot better, since you know, she ran out of the room screaming her head off. It was at that moment both me and the doctor pony were broken out of our trance-like state. He shook his head, looked at me one more time then yelled something in a language I've never heard before. After that about half a dozen white ponies came running into the room, dressed in golden armor with blue mow hawks on top of the helmet. They tried to circle me, but I was already against a wall, so they could only manage a half-circle around me. They had already started closing in on me when I heard it. It was a voice, soft and gentle, but also at the same, one that demanded attention and obedience.
All the armored ponies in front of me froze. Then they turned as a pony- no, it wasn't a pony, it was an alicorn- walked into the room. She walked right past the guards and right up to me. She was taller than me, but only by a few inches, but looked like she knew how to use that height advantage well.
She said something in the same language I heard the doctor pony speak, but I might as well have been trying to talk in Crown with T-boy. She paused her speaking, I think she was waiting for me to reply. I thought If I spoke to her in my language it would be even worse, so I decided to use hand signals instead.
I pointed to myself, then I pointed to her and made the talking motion with my hands, then pointed at my ears and shook my head. I repeated the motion more slowly when she frowned, obviously not understanding what I meant.
After that she spoke again, this time more loudly, and leaning in closer to me- as if that would do anything to help- and was trying to pronounce her words more clearly. I gave her a long-suffering look and face palmed. Then I instantly regretted that decision because my nose was still in extreme pain.
"Ow, fuck that hurts!" I yelled, and took in a hissing breath.
She pulled her head back after that little outburst and blinked a few times, obviously surprised at what I said. Well, maybe not what I said, but the tone of voice I used in front of her.
I looked at her and decided that I did not care what she thought of me, swearing always helps when you are in pain.
"Listen," I began, "I don't know how I got here, and I'm not sure if I even care, but I want to know what happened to the others I came here with." After that She looked even more surprised. I am guessing thoughts like "What is this thing?" and "What is it saying to me?" were going through her head.
"Okaaayyyy," I said, dragging the last part out into a sigh, "I need to know how I can talk to you, understand?" I asked pointing back and forth between the two of us. "I need to be able to communicate with somebody, so if you can understand me, just know that I can't understand what it is you're saying."
A look of pure astonishment washed over her face, then a small smile formed on her lips.
"You speak the old tongue," she said slowly. At my surprised look, her smile widened. "So, you can understand what I'm saying?" she asked.
"Yes, yes I actually can," I answered.
"So," she started, "can you tell me how you got here?"
I knew who she was, and I knew where I was, but I just could not believe it. I was always telling myself that it was nothing but a childish dream to be able to see this place for myself, but here I was, standing in front of the sun goddess, Princess Celestia.
***
After explaining what had happened to us, and why we were here, she started asking questions like "What was the thing you were in?", "What is your planet and species called?", and other things like that. I told her what I could, which was just about everything that is known about the topics she was wondering about. I answered truthfully because I figured, I know just about everything there is to know about Equestria and all that, so why should I not help her know more about where I come from? She seemed to appreciate my honesty, and would soak up as much information as possible. But she was constantly interrupting me to ask me what something was, or how something else worked, or to define a word, phrase, or object. It was fine at first, but after about twenty-something times, it really does get irritating. I am guessing she was picking up on my feelings, because she started apologizing after her interruptions from then on. It did not really make it any less annoying, but I did appreciate the sentiment behind it.
After hours of explaining things from my world, I had to ask a few questions of my own. "How did we get here?"
She seemed to think for a minute before answering.
"We constructed a portal- well, more of a viewer, actually- that could allow us to see into other worlds and dimensions. But when we found yours, there was an accident." She said the last word as if she were angry.
I guess she saw that I noticed, and tried to calm my worries.
"Don't worry, my aggravation has nothing to do with you... Well actually they do. You see, when Twilight got you all to the hospital, she was so scared that it nearly made her faint. Even after I arrived to calm everything, she was still frantic, pacing around in her home, and thinking she was going to be punished."
I nodded my head slowly in understanding. "Yes, this kind of thing would make somebody get all freaked out."
I was just about finished picturing Twilight freaking out and doing all the things she usually does at a time like this. It was good for a few chuckles. But my mental imagery was interrupted as Celestia cleared her throat.
"So," she said, "do you have any more questions?"
I did not even need to think about my next question, it was one that needed to be answered, so I did not even try to be polite in asking. "Where are the other people that where with us?"
The question took her by surprise, and it showed on her features. After a few seconds she simply said, "Not all of you made it." I got her meaning and looked over to the beds, wondered who we had lost.
There was a silence that hung over the room after that like a heavy curtain, but it disappeared when a guard came running into the room and went straight to the side of the princess. He whispered something into her ear, then trotted off, going back out the door.
"I'm surprised," she said.
"What?"
"I'm surprised," she stated again. "Surprised that you haven't asked any questions about me or this world, or even how you got here. Usually, when something like this happens, the first question out of their mouth is 'where am I?', but not with you. Care to tell me why it is you don't want to know the answers to your questions?"
She must have thought I was thinking all sorts of questions like she said the others thought, but no, I wasn't. But I did have one question after she said that.
"There have been other Humans here before?"
"No," she answered, "this has happened before, but it has always been them coming to us, never us reaching out to them. So the fact that you haven't been sending me a barrage of questions is that you're either afraid to ask them, or you don't know which ones to ask first. Am I right?" She finished off her little speech with a smug smile, probably thinking she knew exactly what I was going to do. Well, little miss high-and-mighty, you are about to get one hell of a shock.
"Actually," I said, "you're dead wrong." I looked up into her shocked- I told you so- eyes, and then gained a smug little smile of my own.
"I know just about everything there is to know about you and this world, Celestia."
Her eyes grew big and she lost her composure, but only for a second. I'm actually surprised I managed to get that out of her. I mean, this is Celestia we're talking about here, after all.
"Really? Then prove your wealth of knowledge." She let some sarcasm hang on the word "wealth". So she obviously did not believe me. But I was about to make her the winner of "The Most Surprised Mare In Equestria" award.
"Okay," I started, "for starters, your name is Celestia, your sister's name is Luna, you are the princess and goddess of the sun, and the same goes for your sister, only with the moon. Twilight Sparkle is you prized pupil, and also the bearer of the element of magic, the most powerful and elusive element. Her friends, Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, Applejack, Rarity, and Pinkie Pie are also element bearers. They hold the elements of loyalty, kindness, honesty, generosity, and laughter. They used their respective elements to power the ancient magics of the Elements of Harmony to beat Nightmare Moon- your sister's dark side- when she returned from her one-thousand year banishment to the moon, Discord- the spirit of chaos and disharmony- after he got free and tried to take over Equestia, and Chrysalis- queen of the changelings- when she impersonated princess Cadence to marry Shining Armour- Twilight's brother- to try to capture Equestria, and feed off of all the ponies that live here. And trust me, I could keep going for hours, and hours, but I'm sure you need some time to think about all of this." By the time I was finished her jaw was almost hitting the floor. I was not too surprised by her reaction this time around.
"H- how...?"
"How do I know all of this?"
She just nodded dumbly, staring at me with wide eyes, jaw still hanging low to the ground.
I smiled smugly at her and reached to tap the side of my nose, then stopped.
Eh, it'll be worth it.
I tapped my nose with my first finger (gently) and simply said, "Magic."
Celestia just kept on staring at me, and continued to do so for nearly a minute before I said something.
"If you don't close you mouth, you'll start catching flies," I said finally.
She instantly shut her mouth, maybe a bit to fast, because I heard a small 'clup' noise, suggesting she mashed her teeth together in the hurried motion. She instantly formed a small blush in her checks, but raised a hoof up to hide it.
"Aw," I said, "don't, you look cute when you're embarrassed."
Her blush only deepened, and she knew it too. I guess she thought it best to shoot me death glares as a response to my last comment.
"What?" I said laughing. "You do!"
Then I broke out laughing, not even bothering to take into the fact she could easily spear me with her horn. But no, she did not spear me, or anything even remotely near to that kind of response. No, instead, she, the goddess of the sun, princess of Equestria, started to giggle. But it did not stop there, after a few- horribley unsuccessful, I might add- attempts to stop herself from doing it, she burst out laughing, and we filled the hospital, which was quiet as the grave earlier, with the sounds of laughter.
During her laughter she got so carried away that she let herself go, and made a small snort noise. She instantly stopped after that, and her face turned as red as a tomato. She quickly put a hoof up to block my view of her again, but I reached out and put my hand on her shoulder and said, "Do we really need to have this whole conversation again already?" She slowly lowered her hoof to let me look. "There we go, much better." She smiled at me through her blush and laughed slightly.
"But I have to know, how is it you know so much about us?"
I thought for a moment before answering. There was no easy was of telling her that she was a cartoon. But I did not want to lie to her either. So I did the next best thing, I twisted the truth, but only a little bit.
"Where I come from, we have a... a sort of, window to look into other places. Sometimes it's another world, other times it's just another city, or country. But with this window, we can look anywhere and everywhere."
Look at me, bein' all philosophical and shit.
She seemed to think about my answer for a few seconds before finally speaking. "I suppose it's true that such a thing can exist. Just because we do not posses such a thing doesn't mean others can't."
"Exactly, just because something isn't in one plane of existance, doesn't mean it's not in another. But I'm glad that your window is real Celestia, I really am."
She raised an eyebrow at me. "What do you mean real? Are there some windows that are fake?"
I thought for a moment before answering. "Not exactly fake, but... fantastical. Like, for example, everybody on my planet thought that this place wasn't really real, not like us at least. But I'm happy to see that they were wrong."
Me and Celestia went on talking for a bit longer before she declared that I needed some more sleep- even though the word "sleep" could not even register in my mind, because I was so excited that Equestria was real, like, really real- and took her leave, but assured me that she would return. She even said that she would bring some others the next time she visits too. When I asked who they were, she just told me that I would have to wait and see for myself when she returned.
I was lying in my bed when I remembered something, something bad. I was the only one here who liked ponies, and for all I knew, they might even try to hurt them because they might think ponies are gay or something like a bunch of assholes would. It was then that I decided it. And nothing would change my mind. If they tried anything that I did not like, I would not give them a second chance. No mercy, no forgiveness. If they try anything, I will kill them.
I looked to my left, and then to my right.
Yes, I thought, if they step out of line, I won't give them the chance to regret it.
I was lying silently in my bed when I first heard the stirring sounds of somebody waking up. I looked over to my right and saw that a small form was shifting its position on its bed. I got up and started to walk over to them, to see if they were awake, and who they were. As I neared the bed I heard them groaning, so they were awake. Now the only question left was who it was in the bed. I walked up to the bed, and pulled the covers down. I saw that it was David- one of the freshman.
"C'mon, just a few more minutes..."
"Hey! Wake your ass up!"
After that he opened an eye, then he jumped up from the bed quickly, and nearly fell off. After looking around the room he looked to me. "Are we in a hospital?" he asked.
"Yeah, we are," I replied, "We survived the wreck... Well, most of us anyway."
He looked around again and counted the beds. "Who'd we lose?"
"I don't know, but be thankful that you're alive."
I heard some more noises, which meant that the others were waking up now. I decided to wait until they were all awake, and then I would tell them what was going on.
I went over to the next bed in the line, then I pulled the covers off of this one as well. I looked down to see T-boy waking up slowly. I went bed-to-bed, waking up everybody that needed to be woken up. It took maybe ten minutes for everybody to wake up, and once they were all finished rubbing the sleep out of their eyes, I started explaining to them just what was going on. "Okay," I started, "I have a few things to tell you, but first things first." I looked at all of them, then continued. "Not all of us made it, so I'm going to do a head count really quickly to see who's still alive."
I started from the left, making my way slowly right. I saw Ms. Francis first, then Bird, and the rest of the sophomores. I counted all of the juniors, so they made it. But when I got to the freshmans, I only saw David.
"Oh, oh damn..."
"Where are Ramon and Shawn?" Ms. Francis asked. She looked to me, the question written on her face.
"Like I said, not all of us made it through the wreck." I looked back at her, then at my friends. "So I guess we know who made it and who didn't. That's something at least, isn't it?"
"We need to get back to the school," she said, obviously panicking. "We need to tell somebody what happened, then we can deal with this."
"Ms. Francis... it's not quite that simple..." I could tell that they were all on the verge of freaking out, so I tried to hurry up and explain things a bit faster.
"We're not in... we're not- I mean- aarghh!" I let out a frustrated yell, and looked straight at her, "We're not on Earth anymore!"
There was a short silence, then I heard Lewis ask, "What do you mean, man?"
"Look," I started slowly, "I know this is going to sound crazy, but it's true. You know how we were lifted off the ground back by McDonalds?" I looked at all of them from right to left, all the way down the row so I could see they remembered the incident. "Well, it was, sort of a portal, and we got pulled into it..." I could see that they did not believe me. "Look, I know this sounds like a joke, but believe me, I promise you it's true, and you all know I've never broken a promise in my life."
They looked uncertain for a second, then Ms. Francis spoke up again.
"We all know that's impossible Django, so just tell me where Ramon and Shawn are and we can end this stupid little joke and we can go back to the school and talk to somebody." She put her hands on her hips and gave me an impatient look. "Well?!"
"I just fucking told you! We're not on Earth anymore, we're in Equestria!"
"What's Equestria?" Tyrence asked.
"Yeah, Django, what the hell is Equestria?" I heard Bird ask, and the rest of them looked at me with curiosity.
Damn it, here comes the hard part...
"Equestria is... the place that, er, it's the place where all the people from that show, um, My Little Pony are from." There was an awkwardness in the room so thick, I swear you could cut it with a knife. I looked around me and saw varying expressions on every face in the room. Some looked confused, others unbelieving, and some angry- probably at me.
"Look, I know it sounds-" but I got no further, because I was interrupted by Ms. Francis.
"Do you think this is funny?!" She was yelling now- very loudly I might add. "I know you like ponies and all that, but I don't see why you have to make a joke out of our accident! Why are you keeping information from me?! Do you know where Ramon and Shaun are, but are afraid to tell me?"
"God damn it, shut the fuck up and listen to me! I'm not joking, and if you refuse to believe me," I walked quickly over to the window, "look and see for yourself!" With that I pulled the curtains open and relieved to all of them what was outside.
They were all shocked into silence when they saw what was outside. What was outside was so strange it even made me do a double-take. I saw a team of royal guards standing in formation outside of the hospital, and a bunch of ponies trying to look past them to see what was inside of the hospital.
So, I thought, word must have gotten out that we were here. I wonder if this is a good thing, or bad...
I looked back to my classmates and teacher to see them staring wide-eyed at the sight outside. After a few seconds, they turned back to me, faces white as ghosts.
"I- is..."
"No, it's not a dream," I said. "This is one-hundred percent real, and you all know that I'm the only one who knows anything about this. So if you would all just let me talk, you might learn why we're here, and what's going on."
Lewis looked at me, "Dude, this is fuckin' crazy man. How is this real?"
I looked at him and began my tale. "Well, while we were driving back from McDonlads, they," I gestured outside, towards the ponies trying to get a better look inside, "built a machine that would let them look into other dimensions. We just happened to be what they were looking at when things went wrong. When that happened, the machine went all crazy and instead of being just a window, it turned into a doorway. We were pulled through it, but we hit so hard, I guess we passed out. That's when I woke up in here and saw you all sleeping." I took a deep breath before I continued. "After a while, they realized I was awake, and one of them came in here to talk to me. It took a while, but I was able to convince the princess that we weren't dangerous, or anything like that." I looked at each one of the people standing before me, giving them all hard looks. "So if you do anything that isn't exactly considered 'friendly', you'll probably end up getting vaporized by a bolt a lightning, or something equally unpleasant. So you might want to follow my lead on this one." I looked to Ms. Francis, seeing the half stunned, half scared expression on her face. "That includes you too teach; if you want to survive here, do what I say, and if you have any questions, ask them. Knowledge might just save your life."
They all gave me looks of fear, or confusion, obviously having a hard time accepting all of this at once.
"Very well spoken Django," came a soft voice from the doorway on the opposite side of the room, which caused all of us to turn to see Celestia standing near the door. "You seem to have a handle on the situation," she said. "But as you can clearly see, your arrival has caused quite a stir in town."
"Yeah," I said, rubbing the back of my neck in embarrassment, "sorry about that." I looked at Celestia, "So, who's this extra company you said you were bringing?"
She smiled and stepped to the side, revealing the six ponies standing behind her. I recognized all of them at once. The Mane Six stood in front of me with, shall we say, mixed expressions?
Fluttershy was hiding behind Rainbow and Applejack, and they both had distrusting expressions on their faces. Pinkie had a bright smile on her face- yeah, like that is a surprise- while Rarity and Twilight looked friendly but cautious.
I looked back at the group of Humans and gave them the "wait here" signal with my hands. I then walked towards Celestia and talked quiet enough so that nobody but her could hear me. "Are you sure it's okay for them to meet all of us at the same time? I mean, it might not work out so well."
"Don't worry," she said, "I'm sure it'll be fine."
I nodded and took a step away from Celestia, and took a few steps towards the six ponies by the door. They pulled back a little bit, but I raised my hands up to shoulder height, palms facing them, and put a small, reassuring smile on my face, so they would not be so worried. It did the trick, they relaxed a little, and I heard Twilight say something in Equine- at least, I think that is what they call their language- to Celestia, and she said something back. I could not understand it, but I think the message was for them to calm down.
I was a few feet from the group when I stopped.
That's probably close enough. I don't want to scare them by getting too close.
Twilight said something, but it sounded like gibberish to me. Except for the part where her name came up. She put her hoof to her chest to indicate herself when she said her name, then she said something else and pointed to me.
I took that as my cue to speak up. "Hi, I'm Django. Django Garcia, and I'm from the planet Earth." I pointed to myself when I said my name so she would know that is what to call me. I then extended my hand and took her hoof and slowly shook it.
***
Equis, Equestria, Ponyville Library
Twilight Sparkle was pacing in circles around the library, muttering to herself. It had been a while since she had last slept, so it was not exactly the best day of her life. In fact, she had not slept since she was put in charge of the portal project, but after what had happened, there was no way she could get even a second of rest. "Oh no, oh no no no, NO!" She was being watched by her five best friends and her loyal assistant, Spike. She did not feel any better than she did with her friends here than she did when it was just her. In fact, it made her feel even worse with them being here, seeing her like this. But she was to busy with her pacing and muttering to care that her friends were watching her have a mental breakdown.
"Twilight, ya can't keep doin' this to yerself," Applejack said in a worried tone. "It ain't healthy, and it sure is worrying us somethin' fierce."
"I agree with Applejack on this Twilight, you simply must calm down, or you'll give yourself an ulcer with all that worrying you're doing," said Rarity.
All her friends were worried for her. They had only seen her like this once before, and that was when she thought there was going to be a huge disaster that would end Equestria as they knew it. That had not been the case, but Twilight was convinced that was going to happen if she did not stop it. This was twice as bad as that, and that was saying something. She ignored her friends, and kept up her pacing.
"Twilight," Spike said, "if you keep doing this, you'll make yourself sick. Just calm down, I'm sure everything'll be fine."
Twilight looked straight at Spike and got right up in his face. "What?! How can you say everything will be fine?! Everything will be totally not fine!" Then she went back to pacing around the library. When the door opened she looked up and froze from seeing who it was.
"Pr- princess! What are you doing here? Did something happen to the aliens? are you here to tell me that they went home? Are you," she gulped, "going to send me back to magic kindergarten?"
Celestia walked closer to Twilight, then when she was only a foot away, started to speak. "Twilight, you shouldn't worry so much. Nothing is wrong."
"R- really?"
"Yes," Celestia said. "Everything is fine. The Humans are waking up, and I would like you all to meet them."
"What are 'Humans'?" Twilight asked. "Is that what their species is called?"
"Yes, Twilight, they are called Humans, but enough questions, I want you to meet them. When you do, you can ask them all your questions." Celestia then walked out of the library, gesturing for them all to follow her with her wing. They all left together, going to the hospital to visit these "Humans". Twilight had so many questions to ask them, and she was sure that her friends had some questions of their own to ask. She was so busy thinking of what to ask first, that she didn't even notice when they reached their destination.
She walked into the waiting room and looked at all the guards filling up the place. It was an insane amount, but she didn't know just how dangerous these beings were, so it might be excessive, but it could just as easily be not enough.
Celestia talked with the receptionist for a few seconds before looking to her and motioning for her to continue walking. They soon found the room with the Humans inside, and walked in. When they entered the room, there was one Human giving a lecture to the rest of them. Judging by the deepness of its voice, it was probably safe to assume this particular Human was male.
While he was talking to the others, she got a chance to study them. Some of them were black in color, while a few were white. But the one giving the lecture, and one other was a medium tan color. But their was one that didn't look like the rest, this one was built differently. This Human had a longer mane than the rest, and had curves in its body in different places. Twilight assumed this was a female, since all the others looked more like the male giving the lecture. They were different sizes too. Some were taller, and others shorter. Also, their mane styles were a lot different from each other as well. Most were cut short, but the tan one talking to the others, was longer than the others'. It went down to his eyes in the front, and down his neck in the back, and he also had large sideburns. He was a lot different than the others in a lot of ways, but before she could study him further, Celestia started to speak in the same language as the Humans. They all instantly turned towards her and listen to what she was saying. When she was finished, the one that was speaking reached up to scratch the back of his neck, a look of embarrassment washing over his face. When he finished talking, Celestia stepped to the side, so he could get a better look at all of them. Instantly, Fluttershy got scared and hid behind Rainbow and Applejack (who had looks of distrust on their faces.) But she put on a smile that she hoped was convincing, and saw Rarity to the same. Pinkie did not need to try to put on a fake smile, she was already beaming at the Humans.
He walked up to Celestia and whispered something into her ear. She whispered back to him, and he seemed to accept whatever it was she had said to him. He took a step away from her and then started moving slowly towards them. Even though Celestia had told them he was safe to be around, she was still a little nervous, so she took a small step backwards. he stopped where he was and raised his hands in the universal "don't worry, I'm unarmed" gesture, showing that he meant them no harm. Seeing this, she gained a little confidence.
He stopped a few feet away from them and waited. Twilight guessed he was waiting for her to say something.
"Hello," she said, "my name is Twilight Sparkle, it's a pleasure to meet you." She put her hoof to her chest when she said her name so he would know she was talking about herself. "What's your name?" She extended her hoof out to him in a gesture of friendship.
He said something after a few seconds, it sounded like no language she had ever heard before. But as he said two words, he pointed to himself, and she guessed it was his name. Then he reached out to her and grabbed her hoof. It was a strange feeling, being touch by anything other than hooves, or claws- in the case of Spike- so she did not know what to think of it at first. But then he started to shake her hoof up and down slowly. He was returning the friendship she had offered! He was friendly!
Twilight turned to her friends with a big smile and shared her discovery.
"He's friendly! I can't believe it, he's friendly!"
"How do you know it's a 'he'?" Rainbow asked.
"Well," Twilight said, "he has a really low pitched voice, so I'm pretty sure this one's a male. By the looks of it, they're all males except for the one on the end over there."
"If you say so Twi'," Applejack said, "You're probably the most qualified pony I know in this area, so I'll take ya at yer word."
"Whoa," Rainbow said suddenly, "check out his eye, and that scar too."
They all looked at the Humans eye, just now noticing that it wasn't normal. Also seeing the huge scar across his face too. That scar and the eye made him look scary, like a giant warrior.
"Yes, he is quite torn up from the incident in the library. But you should be careful; not all of his scars were from that," Celetia said, a warning in her voice.
They all looked at Celestia, then at the Human, then at each other. But before they could ask any questions Celestia spoke up again.
"I'm going to use my magic to let him be able to speak Equine so you all can ask him your questions directly."
"Really?" Twilight asked, "You can do that?"
"Yes Twilight," Celestia responded, "I can do that."
***
I stood there for a few minutes while Twilight and her friends spoke among themselves. I tried not to let my annoyance show on my features. I didn't want to appear to be rude. After maybe two or three minutes of talking, Celestia said something to them. It must have really been something, because Twilight'S face took on a look of amazement, then one of pure joy soon after.
Then Celestia turned to me, smiling. "I can give you the ability to communicate with the ponies of Equestria with my magic, if you wish."
What did she just say? Did she really just say what I think she just said? If so, then my life just got a whole lot better.
"Really?" I asked her. "Can you really use your magic to let me speak Equine?"
She gained a small smile and nodded in confirmation. She really could give me the ability to speak with them, and she was willing to just give it away... For free, too!
"Then please do it," I said. "I would really like to be able to speak with them on my own, without a translator. Not that I don't enjoy your company, Celestia." I gave her a smile and a wink. She returned the smile.
"Then it's settled, I'll give you the ability to speak Equine, and you can talk to however many ponies you desire. As long as you still talk to me too," she said with a bit more than a hint of playfulness.
"Don't worry," I assured her, "I enjoy our little chats. You don't have to worry about me not wanting to talk to you."
"Good, I'd hate to lose such a good conversationalist such as yourself."
"What can I say? Talking is what I'm good at."
After that last comment, she lowered her head so the tip of her horn was touching my forehead. There was a flash a bright light, and I could understand so much all at once. I think she gave me more than one language, because I heard the sounds of something sounding like it was from Africa, and a couple images of zebras flashed through my mind. But I could see griffons too, and roars and screeches, but what was more, is that I understood all of it. There were even some images of things I've never even seen before, and the languages they speak were also embedded into my brain. When it was over, it felt like I had put my brain into a washing machine on high. It felt so weird, but not bad.
My thoughts were interrupted by a polite cough. I turned to see Twilight looking at me like she was ready to burst at the seems from an overflow of unasked questions.
"Um, hello?"
I could fully understand her! This was awesome! "Hi there."
She gasped, then a huge smile spread across her face. She must have had at least a hundred questions for me, and I was going to have to answer them all for her to be satisfied with me enough so that she could trust me.
"Do you have any kind of enemies? The kind that you and your family would feud with?"
"No."
It has been going on like this for nearly an hour now, and I was at my rope's end. The first couple of minutes were kind of fun. But now, it was extremely boring. I know that my boredom was showing on my features, and was detectable in my voice. But Twilight just kept talking, and talking, and talking... I think she enjoyed making my life hell.
At first, they all had questions. But I expected no less from them; after all, I would have questions too, if I didn't know just about everything already, that is.
Rainbow asked things like: "What kind of stuff you do in your spare time?", and "Is there any fun sports where you're from?". I answered her questions pretty easily.
Then Applejack started asking things about what I ate and what kind of place I lived at. Like, whether it was a farm or a city. I answered those questions even easier than I did Rainbow's questions.
It was Rarity's questions which I found the hardest to answer. They were questions about my hair, and my clothes and shoes. It seemed to me that she was interested in my fashion choices more than me actually being there. I don't know why, but that made me more than a little bit angry.
Pinkie Pie was shelling me with questions so fast I couldn't keep up. They were all about parties and cake and sweets and things like that. But that was to be expected of her. She is know as "The Party Pony", after all. I waited until she had stopped to take a breath and then talked as fast as I could to answer all of her questions. It came out in a jumble, and none of them could have possibly understood what I had just said, none of them, except Pinkie of course. When I was finished doing that for the third time, she ran out of questions. Finally! So I got a moment of peace before more questions were directed at me.
This time it was Fluttershy's turn to ask me some questions. I had a hard time understanding her, due to the fact that she was hidden behind the front of her mane. But after a while of me telling her it would be fine, she stepped forward. Then she re-asked all of the questions she had, and I gladly answered them. They were predictable questions, but I enjoyed talking with her all the same. They were questions involving animals and such, nothing really irregular for her.
Twilight's questions were simple at first. She asked things like: "What is your name?", "What is your planet called?", and "Are the others male or female?". I answered all of her questions happily. But even an emotionally and mentally disturbed teenager with anger problems has his limits.
After ten whole minutes of this it started to get old. But it got even worse the longer it went on, because after the normal questions, she started asking me questions that made me think things like: "What the fuck...?", and other things along those lines.
"Do you have thermal, or normal vision?"
I looked at her with a "the hell...?" expression, but I knew I had to answer her questions. "Normal," I said. "I don't think any Human has the ability to see things in thermal without special glasses or goggles."
"Your species has goggles to see in thermal vision?" she asked looked surprised.
"Yeah," I said, "We also have goggles to see in the dark, and some that don't just see heat, but they can even tell you how hot something is. We have more than that too, we sometimes combine goggles to make them see everything, and we can put technologies into them so we can see how far something is away too. And we can press a button on some specially made goggles to mark something that we see, and a machine in space will jot that down and send the information back to the headquarters that are in charge of receiving that information so they can send things, or people there. That's called 'laser targeting'. But there are more types than that, but they're all I can remember right now."
Twilight looked stunned. She obviously had not been expecting an answer like that. But that was the answer she got, and she will have to deal with it.
"Are you serious?!"
"Yep," I said, "sure am."
She took a deep breath after that, and fell into what looked like some really deep thought.
"Look," I started, "I would love to stay and answer your questions that are making me question my current state of sanity," she looked up at me then, "but I really think we should move past this. I mean, it's been just about an hour with your questions alone."
She looked surprised, then she turned around to look at the clock mounted on the wall above the door, and saw that I was right.
"Oh," she said sheepishly, "sorry, I guess I just got a little, you know, carried away..."
"No problem."
"But, I have only a few more questions left; can I ask them please?" She gave me a hopeful smile.
I gave a long-suffering sigh. "Fine, but only a few more, got it?"
"Okay, got it. I want to ask you what kind of government you have."
"Well," I started, "There are dozens of different governments all over our world, but where we're from, it's a democracy."
"Really?" she asked me.
"Yeah, really."
"Okay, now I have to ask you a personal question, and feel free not to answer if it makes you uncomfortable."
I raised an eyebrow at her. "What could you possibly want to know that would be considered personal?" I asked her.
She took on a mild blush. "Well, how do you, um... h- how do you... reproduce?"
"You're asking me about sex? Uh, well okay, I'm not a big fan of missionary, so I usually do it doggie style. But sometimes I like to let the girl sit on my lap and-"
She start to yell. "Aaaahhhh, nonononono! Stop talking, I don't want to hear anymore!" She put her hooves over her ears and started yelling "Lalalalalala, I can't hear you, lalalala..."
"Well you asked me!" I wasn't sure if she could hear me, but I yelled that anyway.
"I didn't ask you that! I wanted to know if you reproduced asexually, or just sexually!"
"Oh... Well I, er... I didn't know that."
She took her hooves off of her ears and looked at me with a huge blush. She opened her mouth to speak but could not find the words she was looking for and closed it again.
I noticed that all the other ponies had huge blushes and wide eyes. They were staring at me with jaws hitting the floor- literally, in the case of Pinkie. Even Celestia looked a bit flustered from the information I had just provided them all with.
I think maybe I took that bit too far...
"Wow." the silence was broken by Rainbow Dash. "How old are you?"
"I'm sixteen, why?"
Her eyes bulged at that. She had obviously thought I was older, but she was wrong. Way wrong by her reaction.
"What?! You're only sixteen and you do all that?! I didn't even kiss a stallion until I was seventeen, let alone have sex!"
"And just how old are you then?" I asked her.
"I'm twenty-two, why?"
"No reason, I'm just a bit surprised you waited until you were older to have sex."
Rainbow looked away, but not before I caught sight of a small blush on her checks.
"Well... I, uh..."
"Oh my god," I yelled, "You're a fucking virgin!"
She winced when I said it, but she nodded slowly in confirmation, and I heard her sniff a bit.
Her friends all gasped when she nodded, so I guess they all thought she was active in that area.
I saw that she was really embarrassed, and seeing that, I felt terrible. I had to do something to make this right; I couldn't just leave her like this.
"Hey." I said softly, "You know, being a virgin makes you special Rainbow. It means that you've still got a part of yourself that you can never get back no matter how hard you try once you lose it." she looked at me with teary eyes. "It makes you whole, and trust me, the first time you have sex, it should be with somebody you care about. You shouldn't rush it like I did, because if you do, it loses it's meaning."
"Wh- what do you mean?" she looked a little better now. All I had to do was try a bit harder, and she would recover from this.
"Well," I said, "sex is more than just an activity to do when you get bored, or just to say that you did it. Sex is a little bit like a- a symbol." she gave me an inquisitive look, a question in her eyes. "When you have sex for the first time with somebody you really care about, it means that the two of you are able to share something more than just regular feelings. It means that you can share a love with each other stronger than anything else. But if you have sex with somebody just because you want to be able to say that you did it, well, it loses that meaning, and you'll never have a chance to share a love like you would be able to if you had your first time with the one you love."
She thought about what I had just told her for a short while. But then Rainbow looked at me with a smile on her face. She was not teary anymore, not even a trace of moisture was in her eyes. What was more, she looked happy, like she had just accomplished something.
"Wow, I never thought about it like that before. When you put it like that, I feel a lot better that I didn't give into the pressure back in flight school." She took on her normal air of confidence, "Thanks Django. Ya know, you're all right." She extended her hoof at me and I made a fist with my left hand and punched her hoof in a half fist bump, half hoof bump.
I heard a sniff from my right, and we both turned to see Rarity holding a tissue in her hooves, crying.
"That- that was th- the m- most beautiful th- thing I've ever heard in m- my life," she said between sniffs.
We both looked back at each other and rolled our eyes. Rarity always was a bit over-dramatic. Well, okay, maybe a lot over-dramatic.
I heard a polite cough from my left, and looked to see Twilight looking at me.
"Well, since that's all cleared up, can we please continue where we left off?"
"Okay Twilight," I said, "what's your next question?"
"Actually, I only have one more. Then you can ask any questions you might have."
She cleared her throat, then began. "Okay then, last question. How technologically advanced is your species?"
This one made me think. I wasn't completely up to date with things, but I would tell her what I knew. Even if that answer may be wrong.
"Well," I said, "we've sent vessels into space to explore other planets, and we have the medical technologies to treat nearly any disease, sickness, or injury on the planet." I saw Twilight's jaw drop. "And we have devices that would allow me to talk to somebody on the other side of the planet at the push of a button." Her jaw got lower, and her eyes got wider. "And we've made machines that can transport people over land, water, or air without any problems." I looked to the other ponies in the room to see them with the same expression as Twilight on their faces. Even Celestia looked a bit shocked. "And we have way more advanced things than that, but I have to say, our weapon technologies are probably the most impressive." When I said this, I saw them all, including Celestia, tense up a bit.
Maybe that wasn't the best thing to say...
But it was too late now, "What sort of weapons does your species posses?" Celestia asked.
"Yes, are they powerful, and dangerous?" Twilight asked me.
I thought it best not to lie, they might be able to tell, and if they caught me in a lie, they would never be able to trust me.
"Well," I started slowly, "it depends on the type of weapon. We haven't used things like swords and spears in hundreds of years, but every once in a while, there is a person using a knife as a weapon. A good knife is usually about eight or nine inches, and has some weight to it."
Their eyes widened when I gave them the size of a what I considered "a good knife". But if that surprised them, they're going to be speechless for what's going to come next.
"But if we're talking about guns..." I trailed off after the word "guns". I hated bringing this kind of thing into this world.
"What are, 'guns' ? But more importantly, what do they do?" Twilight asked.
"Well, there are different types. Pistols are guns that can fit into one hand and shoot small caliber bullets such as twenty-two or nine millimeter rounds, but there are lots of sizes. Some are way small, but there are a few that could turn somebody's head into nothing but a splatter on the wall." They all gasped at what I had just said, but I was not finished there. No, not by a long shot.
"Then there are shotguns and rifles. Rifles shoot high caliber bullets, and small caliber bullets. I've seen them as small as a twenty-two, and even some bigger than a three-oh-eight. They're for long range precision shots. Shotguns are just the opposite, they're generally used for up-close shots. They don't use bullets though, they use things called 'shells'. Shells are casings that hold the projectile inside of it. There's bird shot- which is tiny pellets that aren't as dangerous as the other types of shot, but still deadly. Then there's buckshot- little metal balls packed into the shell that can take down a large deer no problem. But then there's slugs- a big metal chunk that goes into you and expands on impact, making them probably the most dangerous." Saying the ponies were "shocked" would win you the "Understatement of the Year" award. They could not believe their ears, and I did not blame them. If I did not know that what I was saying true, I would not believe it either.
"Then there are automatics," I continued. "They can shoot rifle and shotgun type ammo, but they can do it a whole lot faster. Some automatic rifles can empty out a thirty round clip in the same amount of time it would take you to think 'Oh shit!'. They send rounds as big as my middle finger flying at a few thousand feet per second- sometimes bigger than that even. But then you have auto shotguns; now those are really something. They can empty a clip of over ten rounds in a matter of seconds. Now think of that, but picture for every shot, there being a bunch of little metal balls flying at you. That, or those slug rounds I mentioned."
"That can't be true," Twilight said breathlessly, "It's impossible."
I looked at her. "If you think I'm bullshiting you, cast a truth spell, and I'll say the same thing I just did." I looked her straight in the eyes when I said that, and I knew from her expression after I did so that she was not going to cast the spell; she knew I was telling the truth.
"Then there are LMGs (Light Machine Guns). They fire high caliber bullets at an extremely high fire rate. They're belt fed, so they can shoot an infinite amount of ammunition, so long as it's continuously fed to it.
There are SMGs too (Small Machine Guns). they're a lot like automatic rifles, only smaller and they shoot faster. They're a bit easier to use too, but I'll take an M4 over an MP5 any day."
I took a deep breath to calm myself before I continued. I hated bringing this evil into a peaceful world like Equestria. But they had asked, so I was going to answer to the best of my ability.
"But sniper rifles are the most amazing guns we've ever created. They can shoot high caliber bullets at a rabbit from five-hundred yards away and turn it into a fine, red mist." I heard Fluttershy whimper when I said that last bit, and I felt horrible. But I wasn't quite done yet.
"Lastly we have our launchers and grenades. Grenades are metal balls about the size of apples, but vary in shape slightly. They all explode, but some shoot out gas that can knock you out or blur you vision and make you puke your guts out, others shoot out smoke smoke so a person could hide or get away. Then there's flash bangs. Those explode and make and ear bustingly loud 'bang' when the do, and if you're looking towards it, you'll be blinded for a few seconds. But some just violently explode so they take out anything in their blast radius. Now launchers, they can shoot explosives so you don't have to throw them, and also letting you hit any target accurately, making them even more dangerous than they already are."
I saw Twilight and the others look at me like I was a plague carrier, and it broke my heart. This was not what I had wanted them to think of me- a monster who just knew how to kill and nothing else. I could not stand seeing them looking at me like that anymore, so I turned away to look at the princess. I looked to Celestia to see what her expression was. If she was nervous, or worried looking, I might be in trouble. What I saw was not exactly reassuring. Celestia looked like I had just told her the sky was green and she had a giant spider crawling up her leg.
"Your people have made things like that? What are they used for?"
"Well," I said, "for the most obvious reason of them all, war. I don't think that there has ever been a time in history when somebody in my world wasn't at war. So we're constantly making new weapons, and improving our ways to kill each other."
Celestia took on a look of horror when I said that. She clearly does not think very highly of war. But I guess that is not too surprising, she had gone one thousand years with nothing but peace during her rule.
"If you think all of that's bad, I won't even tell you about the World Wars, atomic bombs, or chemical and bio-warfare. I already feel bad for talking about this kind of thing with you all. This world has know nothing but peace, and all we've been doing is getting better at killing each other."
"World Wars?" Twilight asked it as if she were afraid to know what they were.
"Yes," I said. "There were two of them, both of them killed millions of people. And the second war started just because one man thought it was a good idea to commit mass genocide." I said that with more than a bit a of disgust in my voice.
Twilight looked confused. "Why do your people do that to each other?"
I shrugged. "Probably just because they want to feel powerful. That, and they have the power to do it."
They all looked appalled, and I did not blame them. Humans were an amazing race, it is just a shame we have to be amazingly stupid too.
"Do you follow in the steps of your race Django?" Celestia asked.
I did not even have to think about my answer. "No, I don't. I think Humans are idiots. We have the power to do anything, but all we do is kill each other. But what most of us don't realize is, if we don't stop killing each other, then eventually, there won't be any of us left."
Celestia looked at me for a long moment, and she did something I never would have expected to do: she smiled.
"Why are you smiling? If I were you, I'd be barbecuing the Human with a ball of fire," I said.
"I'm smiling," she said, "because I now know for sure that you aren't a threat to me, or any of these ponies that live in this world."
I was stunned. "How can you think that after what I just told you?"
"Because you know that war isn't something to be practiced, but instead, something to be avoided at all costs. You are not a threat, only your history is."
"So," I said slowly, "you're not going to brutally and painfully destroy us?"
Celestia let out a small laugh. "No Django, I'm not."
I couldn't believe it; she was going to let us stay!
"But, if you revert to your species's violent nature, I will not hesitate to stop you from harming any of my subjects."
There's always a catch, isn't there...?
"Celestia, you have my word that we won't cause a problem. But if any of them," I pointed to the others I came here with behind me, "cause a problem, trust me, I'll deal with it personally, and they'll be wishing it was you who carried out their sentence." I finished the last part in a grim voice, to let Celestia know exactly what I would do if such a thing happened.
She gave me a hard look, and I was not sure what she was thinking. But I had a good idea of what was going through her head when she next spoke. "If they get out of line, be sure they don't do it again, or you'll be sharing in their punishment." She said the last part as less of a statement, and more of a threat.
"Don't worry princess, I'll do as you ask. They won't put a foot out of line if they know what's good for them."
"See that you do, but for now, I must take my leave. I need to think about the things you've told me about your history, and also tell my sister and my captain of the guard as well. Farewell Django, I hope to see you again."
"Goodbye princess. Until next time." I put my right hand over my chest where my heart was and gave a short bow, moving mostly my head and shoulders.
With that she walked out of the room, leaving me with a group of scared and confused Humans, and a group of ponies that were not sure if it would be better to stay or follow the princess out of the room.
Well, I thought, might as well start up the introductions...
I figured that since we may be here a while, we should get to know each other. I walked over to my classmates and teacher and thought of the best way to explain things. I decided I would tell them the truth. Not the whole truth, just what they needed to know. So after I gathered all of my thoughts together, I tried my best to tell them what was going to happen. I knew I could do it; I was a born speaker. Talking was what I was good at. I had no doubt in my mind that I could make them see my way. After I was finished speaking, I would have them believing that I was the one they should follow and that they should do anything and everything I say. "So... uh, listen, we, kinda need to talk about some things." I said that like I was not sure of the words that were coming out of my mouth.
God damn it, I thought, that sounded way better in my head.
I needed to continue before any of them got any doubts as to who was in charge. It was me, and they needed to know that if they wanted to survive here. I thought it might be best to tell them how we need to work together, and how things were. "Listen, I know I told you how we got here, but that doesn't mean we can get back the same way. So I think we're kinda trapped here, but only for a while."
They all got freaked when I said that, so I had to hurry to continue my speech or they would get even worse before long.
"But only for a little while! I'm sure they're already working on a way to... fix things, and then all you little whiners can be safely tucked in by your mommies when you get home." I said the last part in a mocking tone which made them angry. It was my plan though, to get them angry. If they were angry, then they were not panicking and running around mucking everything up. "Now listen," I continued, "If you would calm down, I can get things straightened out, and everything will be fine. So, will you all calm the fuck down so I can actually do something to help you?
They all nodded in agreement and looked at me with scared faces.
"Okay, I already told you how we got here, so now I'm going to introduce you to our hosts; the ones who will make sure we get back home safely." I said the last bit in a tone so that they knew just what I was saying. "So, without further a due, I give you- drum roll please," then I made a drum roll with my tongue, "the Mane Six! Spelled 'M-A-N-E-', not 'M-A-I-N'." I said the whole thing in a voice that sounded like a ringmaster at a circus, and I was pretty convincing, if I do say so myself. But unfortunately, they were too freaked, so the effect was lost on them.
I led them over to where the six ponies where standing, looking uncertain. I looked back to my fellow Humans and started. "This is Twilight Sparkle," I said, pointing to the lavender colored pony with a horn and eyes that matched her coat. She had straight purple hair with a steak of hot pink running through it. Her tail was just about a perfect match to her mane. She could tell I was introducing her, and smiled at all of us. "She's the princess's prized pupil, and possibly the most talented unicorn in all of Equestria. She's also the one who cast the spell that went wrong to bring us here."
Then I walked over to a pony with bright blue eyes, and a big poofy pink mane and tail, and a coat almost the same color. "this, lady and dudes, is Pinkie Pie- scientific name: Pinkieus Pieacus." When she saw that I was introducing her, she got a big smile on her face- almost impossibly big. "She's also known as the 'Party Pony', and rightly so. She can throw some of the best parties this world has ever seen."
I then stepped over to a white pony with a horn and a exquisitely styled mane and tail, and intensely blue eyes. "This, my friends, is the lovely Rarity." She must have known I was introducing her, so she tossed her head so her mane came over her eyes, then fell to the side, and gave a dazzling smile. "She's the most talented fashionista you've ever seen, and has the ability to make the most amazing clothes you've ever seen."
I took a few steps toward a timid, butter yellow pegasus with a long, light pink mane and tail, and a gentle shade a green for her eyes. "This is Fluttershy, the most adept animal care-giver since... well, since ever, really." She backed away when she saw that we were all looking at her, and I decided it best not to prolong this one. "She's very shy, but when she needs to, she can seriously fuck you up. So don't mess with her," I said in a warning tone.
I walked to the pony next to her, a light orange one with a blond mane and tail done up in a- get this- pony tail, light green eyes, and a big stetson hat resting on her head. "This here is Applejack of the Apple Family, the best baker around, and the most honest of people you'll ever meet." Applejack tipped her hat at us when she figured I was introducing her. "She's the toughest cowgirl you'll ever lay eyes on."
Then I waked over to a cyan pegasus pony with magenta eyes and an unruly mess of a mane with every color of the rainbow in it. "Last, but sure as hell not least, is Rainbow Dash, the fastest flier in Equestria, and the winner of the 'Best Young Flier' award." Rainbow took that as her cue to strike a pose. She stood up straight with her front-left hoof out to the side slightly, and the front-right hoof held up like a pointer dog. To top it off she put on a winner's smile and winked at us. I rolled my eyes and went on with the introduction. "She's going to try out for the Wonderbolts when the time is right, and I have no doubt that she'll make it."
Now that I've introduced all the ponies to them, I have to introduce all of them to the ponies.
Man, I thought, Being an interpreter must suck.
***
The Human, Django, had just introduced all of them to the other Humans. None of them liked that they could not understand what he was telling them. They hoped it was something good, and not all a bunch of bad stuff.
"Now," he said, "I'm going to introduce all of them to you girls, Okay?"
He was speaking Equine again, so that they could understand him. They all nodded in confirmation to let him know he had been understood.
He didn't seem to do a lot of moving around, probably because he was just in a major accident. So instead of doing what he did with the ponies, he just stood to the side and pointed to them as he went.
"That's Lewis; he's small but tough." He pointed to a male shorter than him by three or four inches. He had black hair and a wiry build, and he looked tough, but also like he was friendly. "He's probably the one that I hang out with the most out of all of them. We like to play cards while we're pretending to do our school work."
He then pointed to the male who had skin that was so black it looked like it had been burnt by the sun. "That there is T-boy- I'm not sure if that's his real name, but it's cool with me." He had his hair braided thickly with the ends on the back of his head pointing outwards. He was bigger than Lewis, and he looked like we was strong. "He's a refugee from Liberia; showed up in our school not too long before I did, and he's been the star of the soccer team almost the entire time he's been with us." They saw a sneer form on Django's face. "Can't hoop for shit though."
They were confused; they did not know what he meant by that. But before they could ask him he went on.
Django pointed at a male, the tallest of the bunch. He was black, like T-boy, but not as dark, and had hair so short it almost looked like he had none at all. "This is Tyrence, he's a bit slow, but don't let that fool you. I'm sure he can be fast if he wants to... maybe." He had his hands over his chest, rubbing them together while he watched them, a look on his face that was not quite 'intelligent'.
"That's all the juniors of the class, so now I'll move to the sophomores."
Twilight decided to speak up. "Um, excuse me-"
The Human interrupted her with a smart remark. "I don't smell anything," he said with a smile.
Twilight blushed and Rainbow and Pinkie giggled a bit before she continued.
"No, that's not what I meant. I wanted to ask what 'juniors' and 'sophomores' were."
"Oh," he said, "juniors are eleventh grade, sophomores are tenth, and just to keep any other questions out of the way, freshman are ninth, and seniors are twelfth."
Twilight made an 'Oh, I get it' noise, and motioned with her hoof for him to go on.
He pointed to two more darker males, one taller than him by less than an inch, the other a lot shorter. The big one had some extra weight on him, but only a little bit, and had very big fluffy-looking hair. The smaller one was built more like Lewis, only he was smaller and did not even look strong compared to the others, and his nose was pushed up into his head like it had been broken very badly in the past and never healed right. "The big dumb one is Demetrion, and the little dumb one is Dante. They're cousins, but I didn't know that until just recently- I had no idea that more than one person in a family could be that ugly."
This got another giggle from Rainbow, but all the others stayed silent.
Django then pointed to a lighter-skinned male who was nearly as tall as himself with bad acne and sandy blond hair and a dumb look on his face. "This here is Bird, one of the only semi-sane people with us. He may look dopey, but don't let him fool you, he's smarter than he looks. He's a bit different though; while most other guys our age dream of girls, guns, and glory, he just dreams of cars- he's obsessed with the damn things."
Django pointed to two more males, one was about the same height as himself and looked like he carried some weight, and had a slightly crooked stance and eyes that did not go quite straight and short dark blondish hair. The other one was smaller, with light brown skin and big eyes with dark brown hair with a bright blond patch on the right side that looked as it might have once been a streak, but now they could not tell because it had started to grow out into something that vaguely resembled the beginnings of an afro. "These two are my best buds, George, and Rasheed. We've been through so much together it would be hard to remember it all. We've been hanging out even before high school. We were PEP kids! We're the original 'goon squad'! Special Ed. representin' room two-two-two!" He held his hands up to his chest and put the finger on the side and the finger next to the smallest one down and put his hands together so that the small fingers were touching and he held the two bigger fingers together as well.
They all looked at the Human with questioning stares. They have never heard of anything called PEP before, so they wanted to know.
"What's PEP?"
He looked at them with a puzzled expression.
"You don't have that here? Wow, what a bunch of softies."
Twilight bristled at the comment, but decided it was better to let it pass.
"No," she said, "we don't know what that is. Can you maybe tell us?"
"Well," he started, "do you know what prison is?"
Twilight nodded.
"That's half of it. PEP is like if prison and school got drunk one night and had a kid in the back alley behind the bar."
Twilight and the others gasped at the description he had given them.
"Don't worry," he said, "it's much, much worse than it sounds." He gave them a sad smile. "But it was the best years of my entire kidhood."
" 'Kidhood'?" asked Twilight.
"I never like the word 'child'; it sounded like you were young and helpless, everything I really wasn't. So instead of saying 'childhood', I say 'kidhood'."
"But you still are a kid," said Rainbow Dash.
"No, I'm a teenager; there's a difference. I got the puberty and the raging hormones to prove it!"
Rainbow made a 'calm down' gesture with her hooves and said, "Okay, there's no reason to get excited there Django."
He smiled at them all and said, "Yes there is, I finally get to meet you all."
They were about to respond, but he went on with the introductions.
He pointed to a small male with a chubby face and body with black hair. "This here is Mike, he may act like he's tough shit, but he's sweet as they come. That bum standing next to him is Tyler." He pointed to a male with brown hair and pasty skin with bad acne- a lot like Bird- and looked like he had trouble breathing through his nose. "He thinks he's cool, but he's not. Don't listen to anything he says about me either, he's just mad 'cause I beat his ass pretty bad."
They all looked at one another, suddenly very nervous to be in the same room as him.
"Now for the freshman," he announced.
"That's David," he said as he pointed to a darker skinned male with short hair and a small build. He was shorter than Django, but not by a lot. "He's pretty smart, and is always talking about fireworks, and blowing things up, like the toilets in the girls bathroom."
Rainbow and Pinkie laughed a bit at that before he continued.
He pointed to the one they guessed was a female, and were soon proven right. "That's Ms. Francis, our teacher from back in school. She's a cool teacher, helping the slower kids when they need it, and all that jazz."
Twilight looked at the female. She was barely more than an inch taller than Django, and had dark brownish-red colored hair, and had curves where none of the males had them, and also a small podge. But she stood with a posture of somebody who was in charge of things.
"What do you mean, 'slower kids'?" asked Applejack.
Django looked at her with a steady gaze. "What I mean," he said, "is that she helps the ones who aren't smart enough to learn on their own."
Twilight looked confused for a second, then she decided to ask a question that was nagging her at the back of her mind.
"Why were you in PEP?" She asked it, but immediately regretted doing so when Django looked at her with an angry face.
"Because ignorant little ass-wipes don't know how to keep their mouth shut, so I would do it for 'em. Because unlike a lot of kids, I had to actually work to get things done. Because unlike most kids, I'm not a FUCKING ASSHOLE!" He said the last two words loud enough to hurt all of their ears.
Twilight flinched away from him when he yelled at them, they all did. But after he yelled, he apologized and told them not to worry.
"I'm sorry," he said in an apologetic tone of voice, "I shouldn't have let my temper get the best of me. It's just," he took a deep breath before going on, "I don't really like talking about my past. So if it's all the same to you, I would rather just leave it be."
Twilight and the others were speechless for a few minutes, but then something they did not expect happened: Rainbow Dash spoke up.
"I know how that is Django, I really do, I was picked on constantly in flight school, so I know what you're feeling. I'm sorry that you had that kind of stuff happen to you, but you don't have to yell at Twilight for it."
Django took on an angry face again, and he glared at Rainbow. He looked like he was ready to kill something, and it actually scared Rainbow a little. "You don't know shit Rainbow," he snapped. "Yeah you got picked on, but did you ever get into fights, and not those fights where a few swings happen, then it's broken up before anybody really gets hurt? The kind of fights where you were bleeding all over from cuts and had something broken if you weren't lucky? The kind of fights I was in from the day I was fucking born?! Well, are those the kind of fights you got into Rainbow?"
They were all stunned, to say the least. They figured he had been in fights from when Celestia had said he had older scars, but nothing like that.
"There's no way you were in that kind of a fight when you were young," Rainbow scoffed.
"Oh yeah," he growled," I got this when I was three years old." He pulled up his shirt to show them a nasty scar on his side that was at least four inches across, and almost double that long-ways. "Some kid got angry at me 'cause I beat up his younger brother. Didn't matter to him that I was a lot smaller than his brother, and a whole lot smaller than him, or that his brother started the fight and had two friends with him when they tried to beat me up. So what he did was get a big fallen tree branch and sharpen it up into a spear and jab me in the side with it. But he was stronger than I was, so it went into my side and nearly punctured my lunges. But I fought back and took away the branch and beat him in the head with it, over and over again, until he stopped moving."
They all looked horrified; they could not believe somebody so young would do that, they just could not!
"I didn't kill him though," he said after a breath, and they sighed in relief. "But I wish I had killed him. After that the fights got worse; me up against two guys, then three, then five. Then they started bringing weapons to help them, but it didn't matter, they lost, and I won, every... single... time."
They did not know what to say to that. He was dangerous when he wanted to be, and they really did not want him to be dangerous.
He pointed to a long, thin scar running from his shoulder to the middle of his chest. "This was the only fight I came close to losing. There were six of them, and they had baseball bats; all, but one. The leader of their group had brought a knife."
That made them gasp when he had said this. They had a hard time picturing a child having something like that.
"I was a lot older then, I was eight, and I had grown up a lot and was stronger than all of them. When he came at me, I got a cut on the chest, but I got the knife and turned it on him. I put the knife deep in his gut, making him cough up blood. After that, all the others ran off, but I got them at school the next day, made them pay for hurting me."
They did not know if they were still breathing after he said that, they were in such a state that everything felt cold and distant.
Django looked at Rainbow after a few seconds of letting them take in the tale he had just told them. "Are those the kind of fights you got in, eh, Rainbow?"
She just shook her head, not sure what to say- not even sure if she was able to say anything.
He looked down at the ground. "This is why I don't like talking about my past; it either makes people scared of me, or sad for me. I don't like when that happens, so can you just forget I said any of that?"
They were not sure if they could ever forget hearing something like that, but they nodded to make him feel better. They did not want to make him angry by disagreeing.
"Let's get off this topic shall we?"
They nodded in agreement. They had regained their composure, but they were still more than a little bit scared of him, and would rather him not talk about things that made him angry.
"That's all of us, well, all of us that are alive, anyway."
Twilight gasped. "What?!"
"Didn't you know? Two of the freshman didn't survive the crash. Their names were Shaun and Ramon."
Django seemed to think for a bit, then he started speaking again. "If it's not too much trouble, I would like to cremate them, you know, for a final goodbye."
Twilight's head was swimming, mixed with emotions. First off was shock, she was shocked because two children had died. Also she felt betrayed, because Celestia, the person she thought she could trust more than anybody else, had lied to her. She also felt admiration, because this young male, just a boy, really, had taken this like an adult would: Calm, determined to do right by the fallen, and did not seem to want to take 'no' for an answer. She also felt fear, because if he was this calm, then he really had lived through some terrible things in his short life. But on top of all of that, she felt a great saddness, because two young boys were dead because of her and her carelessness with the spell she thought she had mastered. She looked around her, and saw that all of her friends were thinking along the same lines she was.
"Yes, I think that can be arranged."
"Good, thank you. But I want this done the Human way; with a pyre, and I'll wrap them in canvas so nobody has to actually see them burn."
"Yes, I can help with putting everything together and get things organized," Twilight told him.
"I can help you build the pyre," said Applejack, and he nodded her thanks to her.
"Me too," said Rainbow.
"I can help too, um, if that's okay." Fluttershy sounded unsure, but Django smiled at her to let her know he appreciated her offer.
"I can throw a party afterwards to help make everypony feel better," Pinkie said, her voice happy as always, but tinged with sadness.
"I can make some proper funeral attire so that they will look smashing in their last moments on the world," Rarity offered.
Django looked at all of them with a warm smile. "Thank you," he said. "Thank you so much." With that he leaned down and pulled them all into a hug so strong it nearly snapped their backs. After a few seconds he put them back down and saw that they were in pain. "Sorry, I guess ponies aren't quite as tough as Humans."
"Why did you hug that hard?! You almost broke our backs'!" Twilight was shouting at him now, she did not care if he was dangerous, that really hurt!
"Actually, I was being way gentle with you. If you're as fragile as this, I could snap your neck with just one hand no problem."
Twilight looked scared for a second, then spoke in a rushed voice. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to yell, I really didn't! It just slipped out! Please don't kill us!"
Django looked at her with a blank expression. Then he started to laugh. "I was just stating a fact. If I really wanted to kill you, do you think I would be your friend?"
Twilight gaped. "So, we're friends? As in, friend-friends?"
"Yes," Django said laughing. "Friend-friends to the end-ends."
We were released from the hospital the next day, and Twilight and her friends were nice enough to offer lodgings for the duration of our stay. It was decided that we should split up by classes, but since David was the only freshman, he just went with the sophomores. There were more sophomores than juniors, so they were put up in Applejack's barn for the time being- since it was the largest space available. We were given a spare room in Twilight's basement to live in. Even though it was a basement, it was actually really nice. It had a bathroom, and a small area big enough for a sofa, and small beds could be put in the back room, or so Twilight told us. But because Ms. Francis had no interest in sleeping in the same room as a bunch of guys, she was given the guest bedroom in Fluttershy's cottage.
We were walking to the barn first, to make sure that the sophomores settled in without any problems, you know, besides being scared shitless from being stuck in another world. To say we got a few strange looks would win you the "Understatement of the Year" award. Half of them looked at us with fascination, and half of them looked at us with fear. I really hoped that this kind of thing would not happen.
I leaned down to Twilight so she could hear me over the crowd's noise. "Why are they all looking at us like we're the weirdest thing they've ever seen?"
She looked at me with a raised eyebrow. "Uh, probably because you are the weirdest thing they've ever seen."
"Oh... right, that. I kinda forgot that we do look pretty odd."
We did not say much else on the way to our destination, but that was okay, I was busy taking in the sights. We passed Sugar Cube Corner, Carousel Boutique, and even the school house on our way to the farm were the younger kids would be staying.
"Here we are y'all, home sweet home." Applejack announced that we were here with a happy tone in her voice. "Y'all youngin's are gonna stay up in the barn over there," she said as she pointed a hoof at the barn. "Make yerselves cozy, 'cause we rise with the sun, and work hard 'round the clock here at Sweet Apple Acres."
The sophomores looked to me for a translation, and I did the best I could. "She said you're sleeping in the barn over there, and to expect to work hard if you want to live here."
All of their eyes widened at that. I guess they were not expecting to work while they were here. Boy were they ever wrong...?
"You heard me; if you want a roof over your head and food in your gut, you'll be working."
"Man I ain't workin'; you got me fucked up."
"I don't know how to work on a farm. I can't work."
"I'm not working for my food, I can go to the store."
"Yeah, we'll just go to the store; I got money."
They were all shouting protests at me about working the farm, but I was in charge, and I was going to remind them of that. "Shut the fuck up!" I yelled so loud that I made everybody- including the ponies- flinch."You listen to me you little fuckers. If you don't work, they'll kick your sorry asses out on the street. Then you'll be sleeping in the rain, and everybody else will be nice and warm because they can behave like normal people and do what's best for them. But if you want to sleep outside with the wolves and bugs, go ahead. Celestia herself told me that if you lot didn't behave yourselves, then she would punish you, harshly. Truth is, I don't care if you are put to death here, but I'm trying to be nice. But I have my limits, and you jackasses are testing them."
They all fell silent after that, and I could tell they understood what would happen if they did not do what they were told.
I nodded my head and turned to Applejack. "They understand what will happen if they don't do as they're told."
"Wh- what did ya say to 'em? They look like ya just told 'em they'll be put in jail or somethin'," Applejack said.
"Well, I just told them to behave, and me being the leader of this motley band of misfits, they listened." I gave her a smile that I knew never reached my eyes.
Applejack looked over to her friends for a second to see them looking like they were unsure of what to do. "Well, if ya say so..."
"Great, I'll leave you to get them settled in, and us five'll drop off teach here at Fluttershy's place."
Before any of them could get in another word I turned on my heels and walked off in the direction I guessed our next destination would be. I chuckled to myself at how hard it would be to get them under control without being able to talk with them. I also found the picture of Big Mac or Applejack knocking some sense into them pretty funny.
It was more of the same on the way to where our teacher would be staying, ponies looking at us with big, curious eyes. I hate being stared at, it makes me seriously angry, so it was only a matter of time before I cracked. But I was trying my best to control myself, I really was.
"Here we are Django," Fluttershy told me. "Can you tell your teacher that this is where we'll be staying, uhm, that is, if you don't mind."
"Don't worry, I'll tell her," I said.
I looked to Ms. Francis to let her know this is where she will be staying. "Okay teach, this is your stop. She's way shy, so try not to upset her, or you'll be answering to me."
"Excuse me?" She looked angry to say the least.
"You heard me; new world, new rules. That means I can get away with things just by saying 'Oh, I'm sorry, that's what we do on my planet. It won't happen again, I swear.', so you should just try to play along."
"Fine, but this ends the second we get back to school, got it?" She said that like it was a death threat.
"Sure, sure, whatever you say teach."
Her and Fluttershy walked into the small cottage and left us with only one more destination: Twilight's house.
"Okay Twi', lead the way," I said.
On our way to the library, we saw more ponies looking at us, just... staring, with those eyes that bored into my soul- or whatever is left of it. I just could not take it anymore, I snapped. I spun around and faced the crowd of ponies and stomped up to them. "What the fuck are you looking at?!" I was furious, I was not sure why, but I was. "If you little fuckers keep staring at me I'll rip your eyes' out and force feed them to you!"
There was a second of silence, and then a chaotic tide of screaming ponies as they all ran away from me in terror.
I put my hands on my hips and nodded my head, seeing my fine work in action.
Ya did good Django, ya did good.
I walked back to the group and took my place back at Twilight's side, waiting for her to resume walking. I saw her looking at me with wide eyes. I shrugged, "What? I don't like people staring at me."
She immediately averted her eyes and kept walking to her home.
After another few minutes we reached the library that doubled as Twilight's house. She led us into the large front room, and turned to face us. "Okay," she started, "there are a few rules here. Number one: if you take a book out, you put it back where you found it. Number two: if you damage a book, you pay fot it. Number three: be quiet; this is a libraby after all. And lastly: if you have any questions, don't be afraid to ask." She looked at me and motioned with her hoof at the juniors.
I looked over to them and told them what the deal was. I kept it simple and to the point "Okay, don't fuck with her books, and you should be fine."
"So we're gonna sleep in the basement here?" Lewis asked.
"Yes, yes we are."
"Why can't we sleep in the warm parts of the house?" Tyrence asked me.
"Because it's not a very large area. Plus when we're downstairs, we can do whatever; there won't be any of that 'No talking too loudly' shit we would always get from Mr. Denn back in the school library. That, and we won't be getting watched all day by assholes who think that they can tell us what to do."
They all realized at once what I was saying. No teachers, no librarians, nobody to make sure we are up to no good, and that meant no rules.
"Okay, let's get set up. Twilight'll show us down to where we'll be sleeping, but I get first dibs on placement."
Twilight led us down to the extra space in her basement and showed us where we would be sleeping. I picked a spot where my back was to a wall, and I could keep an eye on the others. We put a small sofa and two chairs in the bigger area to be our living room. We set up space for everything we needed, and thanked Twilight for her trouble. It was a long day, so we all just went to bed after she went back upstairs. The others fell asleep before I did. I was laying in my temporary bed, looking at the ceiling. I had so many thoughts going through my head I felt dizzy. I hated being a leader, I did not want the work that comes with it. I am not a leader, I am a soldier. I am much better at taking orders than giving them. But I had to be the leader here; if I dropped the role, we might not survive here.
Ah fuck, I thought, I just hope they don't do anything stupid to get us killed.
Then I closed my eyes and failed miserably at my attempt to fall asleep.
God damn it, this is gonna be a long night, isn't it?
It had to be close to seven in the morning when I woke up. The sun was already partially up in the sky, and the birds were chirping away in the trees. It was winter so it was a bit chilly in the basement, but we had blankets, and the cold never really bothered me. So, all in all, it was a really nice morning... I hated it. I hated birds, and I hated getting woken up when I am still tired, and I hated everything else that ever came into being, just for that reason. Why, you ask? Because I am just that much of a positive fucking person.
I decided that I must have fallen asleep at some point late at night, but I do not remember having a dream. I sometimes hate having dreams, they can be really annoying when they want to.
No point in trying to get back to sleep I guess...
I threw off the blankets and walked into the bathroom to do my morning routine: piss, shower, brush, Axe. Though it was not until I went for my can of Axe that I realized that I did not have it on me. Everything I had on me was missing, even my iPod. My phone, my iPod, my pack...
Oh shit...
I ran upstairs, hoping to see Twilight awake this early. But I did not; I could hear soft snores coming from her bedroom which meant she was still sleeping.
Damn it! I need to talk to her, like, now!
I started up the stairs, but stopped after the first few. What was I doing? You never went into a girl's room to wake her up, ever! I went back down the steps and stood in the main room for a few minutes thinking about the best ways to wake up a girl, while still being polite. After a few looks around my surroundings, I had it.
Perfect, I thought to myself, this should do the trick just swimmingly.
***
The sizzle from the frying pan was louder than I expected it to be, but that did not matter. After all, I was trying to wake Twilight up.
I cracked another egg open and heard the sizzling intensify.
Now that's just lovely.
I left the eggs for a moment to check on the pancakes I had going on the burner to my left. Nice and brown, just like I- and hopefully, Twilight- likes them. I flipped them over to reveal a slightly lighter brown color on the other side. They were just about done now, and the eggs are going to be done not too long after.
Twilight's kitchen was stocked full of food, and lucky for me, I knew how cook. I had made pancakes with eggs- scrambled, and sunny-side up- and I also found some oranges too, so I could make fresh juice.
Okay, now back to the eggs, then everything should be ready.
I made enough so everybody could have two pancakes, two eggs, and one cup of juice- no need to clean out her kitchen, right?
Not too long after the food was done, I heard foot- or rather, hoof- steps, coming down the stairs from the bedroom.
"Mmm, Spike, that smells deli-" She stopped abruptly as she saw it was me in her kitchen, rather than her small dragon friend.
"Hey Twi', nice to see you up."
She looked at me for a minute, then saw the tasty-looking spread on the table in front of her. "Did... you, make all this?"
"Sure did; with my own two hands." I raised my hands and wiggled my fingers around for emphasis.
"Really? But more importantly; why are you awake this early?" She sounded a little worried when she asked it, but I guess that is the way you feel when you have potentially dangerous aliens living in your basement.
"I always get up early. But enough talk, sit down and eat. I think I've outdone myself, which is really saying something." I pulled out a chair for her and took a seat on the opposite side of the table. I was hoping to get a better reaction, but I guess "cautious and hesitant" will have to do for now.
She sat down in the strange style of chairs that ponies use and picked up her fork with her magic. She eyed the food with a critical eye before finally taking a bite. But when she did take a bite... Boy, was her reaction ever worth it? Her eyes widened and her ears shot strait up, and she even tensed a little. She looked at me with a little tear falling from her eye. "These... these are the best pancakes I've ever tasted in my life!" Then she ate her entire breakfast with a speed I only thought Pinkie was capable of.
I poured her a tall glass of juice to wash it down, and she nodded with appreciation.
"Wow! That was the most amazing breakfast I've ever had! How did you learn to cook like that?"
I thought for a minute before answering. It was a surprisingly hard question to answer. "Well," I said, "I guess I just kinda picked it up as I went. I never took any classes or anything; I was just born with the talent of making good food I guess."
She thought about my answer for a bit, then she started talking again. "What did you put in there; I've never tasted anything like that before. I mean, even the eggs tasted different than I've ever tasted."
"Well," I said, getting a small grin as I did, "if I told you the secret of the 'Django Breakfast Special', it wouldn't be a secret anymore. And I quite like being the only one who knows how to make breakfast this good."
She gave me an irritated look, and huffed. "Fine, what'll it take for you to tell me how you made the food?"
I took on a smug grin when she asked that. "I'll tell you the secret, in exchange for one thing."
"What's that?"
"That one thing is... a kiss."
She stared at me blankly for a few seconds before she put on a determined face, leaned forward, and puckered her lips.
I was shocked; I was just fucking around with her. "Whoa! I was just joking! You don't have to kiss me Twi'!"
She reeled at my words, pulling back so fast she almost fell out of her chair. "But you said that's what it would take!"
I shook my head faster than I should have and got dizzy. "Nononononono, I was just fuckin' with you. I didn't really expect you to actually agree to it!"
She sat blank faced across from me for a second before speaking again. "Oh, I guess I didn't quite catch that."
I raised an eyebrow. "Ya think?"
We sat in awkward silence for a few minutes after that. But the silence was eventually broken by Twilight. "Thank you for the breakfast Django. It was really sweet of you."
"You're welcome Twilight; if you want, you can have Tyrence's, he doesn't really like anything other than school lunches anyway." I finished with a small grin at a recent memory.
"Really? 'Cause that would be great. I didn't eat last night."
I looked at her quizzically. "Why? You have all this food here; I would think you could whip something up."
"To tell the truth, I was scared you would sneak up to my room and kill me in my sleep or something so I spent a lot of time using my magic to put up barriers around my bed."
"That's ridiculous, I wouldn't even dream of hurting you."
"Well, that's good to know," she said between bites of pancake. She had already started eating Tyrence's food.
I picked up my fork and began eating as well. But I did have to ask her something, something important. I wanted to wait until she trusted me a bit more, but I figured this was as good a time as any.
"Hey Twilight?"
"Mm-hmm?"
"Do you know where our stuff was taken?"
She stopped chewing her food and swallowed. "Uh, well, it's being analysed in Canterlot by scientists."
I stared at her for a second before continuing. I tried to be as civil as possible when I answered. I was the leader after all, and a good leader never loses their temper. So I calmly, and politely said the most appropriate thing I could have possibly come up with. "You mean to tell me that a bunch of dumb-fuck white coats are putting their grubby little grabbers all over my stuff?!"
She flinched a little at the volume of my voice. "Well, we needed to be sure you weren't bringing anything dangerous with you from your world. You'll get it all back!"
I gave her a hard look that said "I really don't like you right now", and got up from my chair, opened the front door to the library, and walked out. I did not even bother getting dressed up. I was fine with my cargos and the beater that I had worn to bed last night. I only stopped long enough to shove my feet in my boots and did not even give a second glance back at the library.
Twilight ran out the door after me yelling for me to stop. "Wait, Django wait; you'll get your stuff back in a couple of days, I promise!"
"I'm not waiting a couple of days, I'm getting my stuff back now!" I yelled over my shoulder. I was not the kind of guy who sat around and waited for things to happen. I was the kind of guy who made things happen.
Twilight was at my side now, trotting quickly to keep pace with me; seeing as I have much longer legs, I could easily lose her if I wanted. "You don't even know where the labs are that are holding your things!"
"Then I'll tear apart the whole city and anybody who gets in my way until I do find them."
"What?! You can't do that!"
I looked down at her with a cold glare. "Watch me." With that I ran as fast I could to get to the train station so I could catch the morning train to the capital.
I reached the station after getting lost a few times, but I could still make the train if I hurried.
I walked up to the ticket vendor who looked a little scared to see me. "I want a ticket on the train to Canterlot."
He looked at me a little stunned. "Th- that'll b- be two bits s- sir." He was stuttering with the fear of seeing me this close and looking angry.
"I don't have two bits on me; I'll owe you."
"I'm s- sorry sir, I can't allow th- that."
"Fine," I growled, "I'll get the ticket myself." Then I balled up my fist and punched out the glass front. The ticket vendor yelped at the shatter of glass, but did not have time to duck as I grabbed the small key around his neck that opened the box that held the tickets. Once I had the key, I walked over to the box and opened it. There were more tickets than I could count, so I decided that they would not miss a fistful or two... or five.
So, pockets loaded with tickets, I walked up to the ticket taker and gave him my ticket and boarded the train. The ponies on the train looked a little scared to see me up close for the first time. So instead of frightening them further, I sat in an empty row closer to the back.
I heard the ticket taker yelling his line that he always yells to let people know the train is leaving. Then, after another few minutes, the train started slowly moving forward, and I was on my way to Canterlot.
It was not until the train was a good ways away from the station that I heard a loud thumping noise coming from the side of the train car. I opened my window to poke my head out so I could see what it was, but before I could even get the window fully opened, a cyan blur shot into the train car and crashed into me through the open window.
"What the fuck?!"
That was all I had time to say before I hit the ground, hard. There was a collective gasp as I landed, and then complete silence. I lifted my head up to see Rainbow Dash laying across my chest with her eyes spinning around in their sockets. It would have been funny if it did not hurt so bad.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?! I could have been killed!"
She groaned as she lifted herself off of me, then looked as if she were about to throw up. "Uuugghhh... I don't feel so good..."
"Don't you dare throw up on me."
She slowly shook her head and put her two front hooves on the sides to stop her eyes from spinning.
"What do you want Rainbow; can't you see I'm busy?"
"Hey, Twilight asked me to follow after you so you wouldn't rip apart Canterlot. If you got issues, take 'em up with her. I'm just here to keep an eye on you."
"Oh really, and just how do you plan to 'keep an eye on me'?"
"Simple," she said, "I'm gonna follow you wherever you go and make sure you don't do anything that's bad."
I raised an eyebrow. "Anywhere?"
"That's right."
"What if I go into the bathroom; are you going to follow me into the stall?"
She started to reply, but froze up before anything could get out.
"Are you going to hold my hand as well?"
She broke out of her mental lock-up when I said that. "No, I'm going to watch you, nothing else. If you have to go into the bathroom, then..."
"Then?"
"Uh, well, you better have used it before you came out here, 'cause I'm not letting you out of my sight."
I rolled my eyes at her and gave a long-suffering sigh. "Fine, do whatever you want Rainbow, but you're not going to stop me from getting my stuff back."
"Fine, I will do whatever I want!" She then sat down on the row I was just seated on and crossed her front hooves.
I shook my head and looked to the crowd that was watching our little exchange with interest. "Kids these days; am I right?"
The whole train car- except for Rainbow- chuckled at my joke, then went back to doing whatever it was they were doing before Rainbow crashed into me.
I sat down next to her and closed my eyes. I always get tired on trips, whether I am in a car, plane, train, or boat, I always manage to fall asleep somehow. So that explains how I somehow felt tired when the train got along.
I can close my eyes for a second, I thought, We won't hit Canterlot for another couple of hours.
***
When I opened my eyes, it felt like I was put in a vice and I was having the life squeezed out of me. It hurt to open my eyes more than a crack, and I felt heavy. I wanted to go back to sleep, but I heard somebody yell out "Next stop is Canterlot!". That's what made me wake up, and I was determined to find the fucker who interrupted my sleep and strangle the life out of him. But as I moved to get up, there was something holding me down. I tried again, but that same mysterious force kept me pinned in place. I looked around to see what was holding me in place, but I could not find anything. I tried to move my right arm, and I could, but my left arm was being held in place by something at my side. I looked down to see a cyan colored blur next to me. My eyes were tired and still full of seep, so I could not see quite right. I would have been able to tell what that blur was, but I was half asleep, and was not thinking right. It felt furry and warm, and after a second I realized what it must be. It was my dog, Marty. I guess he must have crawled into bed with me at some point and was laying on my arm.
I reached over and scratched his ears and heard a small pleased noise coming from him. I moved my hand down his back and scratched at his back, just how he liked. It was always funny to do that; every time I did, he would start kicking his leg and lose his balance and fall over. I started scratching faster and harder and then used my palm to rub in between his shoulder blades while I did it.
Any second now he'll fall off the bed, and I can go back to sleep... Well, right after I go murder that fucker who woke me up. But then, all will be calm, and quiet.
My thoughts were interrupted by another voice, this one a lot closer, and more... feminine.
"Ohhhh yeah, right there Soarin, don't stop."
I was confused for a second, but then I started to think.
Dogs don't talk... Do they?
I looked down to my side and saw the cyan blur again.
Wait... Marty is brown.
All of a sudden everything came rushing back to me all at once. I stopped rubbing Marty's back as I realized what I was doing. I was not rubbing my dog's back, I was fondling Rainbow!
"Ah! Oh fuck!" I was yelling as I tumbled backwards off of the seat. But unfortunately, Rainbow was still holding my arm and came tumbling down with me. I landed on my back, and Rainbow landed right on top of me with her muzzle pushed up against my face.
She woke up suddenly, fully alert from the fall. She looked around for a few seconds before seeing our awkward positioning. She instantly went wide-eyed and opened her mouth to say something; but I tried to say something at the same time, and from the way we were laying, we ended up trapping each other in an open-mouthed kiss. It lasted only a second, but it was a second too long. We pulled our head back away from each other, but since I was on my back, laying on the train's floor boards, all I did was hit my head against hard wood.
We stared at one another for a few seconds afterwards, both our eyes wide as dinner plates, and nothing to really say. But we did not have to say anything, the train's other occupants broke the silence for us.
"D'aaawwww."
We both snapped our gazes on the ponies looking at us with happy expressions.
"You two are you so cute together. I'm so happy for you both!"
"I agree, those two really are something."
"I bet they didn't even know they had a crush on each other by their faces."
"Mommy, are they going to get married and have lots of kids, like you and daddy did?"
We both said the only thing that could come to our minds at the same time.
"WHAT?!"
The crowd looked at us with happy faces and said sweet words.
"Oh don't worry dearies, nopony is going to judge you for loving each other."
"Yes, love has many forms after all."
"Yeah Rainbow, you should consider yourself lucky, he's really cute."
The last pony finished her statement by licking her lips and looking at me with half closed eyes.
We started our protests right away of course; we were not into each other. We were a different species damn it! I knew I could persuade the crowd that nothing was going on between us. After all, I was a silver tongued devil, and I could talk my way out of anything.
"I- I don't have a crush on her! I swear! Th- there must be a... a- a misunderstanding is all!"
"Yeah, there's no way I would go for him! He's way too weird for me!"
"Exactly, I- wait, what? Hey, I'm not weird at all! You should consider yourself lucky you got a kiss from me!"
"Oh puh-lease, I wouldn't even dream of going out with you!"
"Oh yeah right, that's why you where all 'Oh yeah, right there, don't stop' when I was rubbing your back!"
"You were the one rubbing, not me! So I guess that settles it; you're crazy for me."
"Is that why you were begging me not to stop?"
"Hey, I- uh, that is..."
"Need some help there?"
"Aaahhhh, just shut up!"
"No! Why don't you shut up?!"
"Just admit you like me, and I will!"
"Why don't you admit that you like me?!"
"Because I don't like you!"
"Well I don't like you either!"
She was up in the air pumping her wings to stay at eye level with me now. As I finished that last line, she got up in my face so we were butting foreheads, glaring at each other.
"Ahh, young love."
"I know; such a wonderful thing"
"Why don't you two lovers go to the car behind you and work out your little spat? When you're done, tell us who's crazier for who."
We both turned on the crowd again, and fueled by the anger we both felt, we were able to rattle the windows.
"WE'RE NOT LOVERS!!!"
We went back to glaring at each other after that, but it only lasted a few seconds because that same voice from before yelled out again.
"Now arriving at Canterlot train station!"
The train slowed to a stop and I broke my glare so I could walk off the train and get to the labs where my stuff was. I saw the guy who was yelling standing on the platform. I walked up to him so I could do what I had planned. "Excuse me," I said, "do you have the time?"
He looked down to the pocket watch he was holding in one hoof, and I made my move. Faster than anybody could see, I punched him in the troat as hard as I could, and grabbed his watch. I then stuffed said watch into his mouth and down his throat. Before I left, I gave him a swift knee to the side and left him writhing in pain, choking on the watch. "Never mind," I said cheerfully, "I know what time it is. Bye now!" I walked off quickly before anybody could see what I had done to him. I got maybe twenty feet from the platform before I heard a shrill shriek of horror as somebody found him on the ground.
There was a 'whoosh' noise as Rainbow flew up to my side. I could see the angry expression she had on her face. "What did you do?!"
I just shrugged and kept walking. I really did not care if she was angry at me right now; I just wanted to get my stuff back.
"Did you hear me?! What... did... you... do?!"
I just kept walking towards the castle and ignored her. But I guess she does not like to be ignored very much, because she flew in front of me and blocked my path.
"You want to do this the hard way? 'Cause we can do this the hard way!"
I leveled a cold stare at her the way I do when I make everybody in the hallway move out of my way at school. I actually saw her flinch when I did it too. "Move."
She crossed her forehooves in front of her chest in a stubborn way, but I could tell she was scared. "No."
"I'm not going to say it again Rainbow. Move."
She poked me in the chest with a hoof and tried to get in my face. She never got the chance.
"I'm not m-" She did not get any further though. I grabbed her hoof and pulled her forward. When she collided with my chest, I twisted her hoof behind her back and pulled up. I almost forgot that she could fly though, so before she had the chance to break the hold I grabbed both of her wings with my free hand and pulled them down roughly. We were chest-to-chest, and I was in total control of her, and she knew it. She tried to wiggle free at first, but my grip was unbreakable. I craned my neck a little so that my face was directly over her's and gave her a death stare. "Do you really think you can take me?" I was whispering when I said it. I found that it has much more of a scare factor than yelling. "I worked part-time as a bouncer at a night club on the east-side. If you can honestly say that you think you can beat me in a fight, then I'll let you go and we can duke it out, right here, right now."
She looked into my face for a few seconds, but then she closed her eyes and turned her head to face away from me.
"Hmph, that's what I thought." I let go of her forehoof and her wings at the same time, and she dropped to the ground with a 'thump'. She did not even try to move from where she sat; and I did not blame her. The first time I was in her place I just went home and punched my punching bag for hours straight until my knuckles were black and bloody. I walked on towards the castle but stopped after maybe twenty feet. I turned my head back in her direction.
"Hey, you comin' or what?!"
She lifted her head up and looked at me.
"You told Twilight you would keep an eye on me, right? Well how're you gonna do that sittin' in the dirt?"
She sat there confused for a second or two, but then her face filled with determination and she shot up and raced over to me. "Yeah, that's right. I still gotta keep an eye on you. You can't lose me that easily Django!"
I rolled my eyes and continued walking to the castle.
Man, I thought, I need to get that anger under control, like, now.
***
The walk to the castle was pretty uneventful, but I did not really come here expecting an adventure. I had the castle in sight and was walking up the steps when I felt a tug on my hand.
"Whoa, you can't just waltz in there!"
I gave Rainbow a level stare.
"It's the law; you have to make an appointment first!"
I just kept on staring.
"It's just the way things are here. You'd better get used to it."
I sighed and shook my head. "Yeah, but then this happened." With that I walked up the steps and passed the guards at the front gate. I heard a few mumbles coming from the two, but ignored them. I had more important things to do. I kept going past the reception area, past the throne room, past the kitchens, and past the main dinning hall. I had no interest in sight-seeing; I was here on a mission. A mission to get my stuff back from the bastards who have it.
The whole time Rainbow was behind me trying her damnedest not to freak out. We were kind of trespassing on royal grounds, but it was worth the risk to get my things back.
As I came to a corridor that went either left or right, I had to do what I always did when I was stuck.
"Eenee meenee minee moe, catch a tiger by his toe, if he hollers let him go, eenee meenee minee moe."
I looked over to see Rainbow giving me an unbelieving look.
"It's that way," I said pointing to the left. I walked down the corridor and hoped to god I was right. If not, I would be lost in a castle with two ultra powerful goddesses who would want my head on a pike. Or even worse, I might have to... stop and ask for directions. The mere thought of doing so made me shiver with fear.
After what seemed like an eternity of walking- but was only maybe two minutes- we came to another intersecting corridor.
"Ugh, we'll never find the labs at this point; we're just getting more and more lost!"
I looked over to Rainbow and was about to tell her to keep her voice down, but I saw something over her head that made me stop. She saw I was looking at something behind her and turned to see... a sign.
"Labs, this way." I read it aloud and looked in the direction it was pointed in. The exact opposite way we just came from. I immediately proceeded to facepalm, and Rainbow did just the same. Only it would be a facehoof in her case.
We followed the way back and checked for signs. Sure enough, we found another sign that pointed down the right corridor. It went on like this every time we hit another intersection; stop, look, read, walk, rinse and repeat. It took us about ten minutes of this before we found what we were looking for: the entrance to the labs.
"Okay, we found it, now can we go home?"
I looked to Rainbow. I have never know her to be afraid of anything, but I guess she is pretty scared of angering the princesses. "You don't have to come with me you know. Why don't you just go back to Ponyville and tell Twilight that I'll be back in a few hours."
"But- but what if you don't come back?"
I groaned in frustration. "Then tell her to check the moon for a new patter in the shape of my face."
Rainbow looked shocked when I said it, but then she got all serious again. "That's not funny Django! That is seriously not funny!"
"Whatever, if you want to come with me then feel free to do so. But if you want to go home, I don't blame you."
She furrowed her brow and took on a stern expression. "No way! I told Twilight that I'd keep my eye on you, and that's what I'm gonna do!"
I nodded my head at her and turn to face the door. "Are you ready for this?"
"I was born ready."
"You know we may not all make it."
"I know the risks."
"If we get caught, it's all over for us Rainbow."
"Don't worry, if we go down, it'll be with a bang."
We both looked at each other, and in perfect unison yelled our battle cry.
"LET'S DO THIS!"
With that we knocked the door right off its hinges and charged in through the door yelling as we did so. I am not sure what it looked like, but I know what it sounded like. It sounded like the castle was being stormed by an army of vikings, well, if the army was made up of only two people. But we knocked sciencey gear to the ground, we knocked sciencey papers to the ground, we even knocked sciencey ponies to the ground! We were an unstoppable force that crushed all that got in our way. We only stopped when I saw my stuff laid out on a white table with strange tools all around them. I stopped our charge long enough to grab my pack and stuff all my things- as well as a few interesting looking science experiments- into it.
"Okay, I got it, let's get out of here!"
"Right behind you!"
We ran for the door but skidded to a halt when we saw that guards were rushing in through that way. I looked around for another door, but the only thing I saw was a big line of windows.
Well, better than being caught...
I started running to the windows, Rainbow right behind me.
"How good are you at catching falling objects?!"
"I'm the best flyer in Equestria; what do you think?!"
There were tables, equipment, and now, guards between us and the windows.
"Well," I yelled, "catch!"
With that I jumped as high as I could and just barely cleared the guards standing there- now with shocked looks on all of their faces- and went straight through the window and into free fall from close to a hundred feet.
I was falling fast, too fast. There was no way Rainbow could catch me in time. I was at eighty feet, fifty feet, forty, thirty, twenty...
Well, I thought, I had a good run while it lasted.
I was maybe five feet from the ground now, almost about to become a mushy substance that the gardener would have to clean up. But just as I was going to hit the ground, I felt a huge tug at my waist. Rainbow had caught me by my belt! She let me go and I fell the last few feet and ended up with a mouth full of various flowers from the garden, but I got up quickly and started sprinting out of the garden and towards the gates. When I reached the gates the guards closed them and crossed the spears they were holding to block the path, but I did not care. I pulled off my beater and spun it around my head, and when I was close enough I threw it over the spear heads and pulled down, so the pointy side was digging into the ground. Before they could do anything, I ran up the spear shafts and used their helmets as a final boost to clear the closed gate and got a little help from Rainbow so I did not get skewered on the top of the fence. After we cleared the gates we ran to the train station. But the guards were already there, waiting for us. We did not miss a beat though. We turned right around and ran back towards the center of the city.
"What now! I thought you had a plan!"
"My plan was to get my shit back!"
"So you never had an escape plan if you were seen?!"
"Sorry babe, I don't think that far ahead!"
We ran into a small shop that was just out of view of the guards and ducked under a table to avoid detection. When the guards ran past us we poked our heads out of the shop door and looked around to check if the coast was clear. Once we were sure it was we walked out into the street and ducked into an alley behind a dumpster.
"Okay, there has to be another way out of the city. There isn't just the train right?"
Rainbow thought for a minute, then she perked right up. "We can take airways!"
"Uh, you seem to be forgetting something. I can't fly, remember?"
"You don't need to fly. It's a big balloon system that can take ponies anywhere in Equestria."
I rubbed my chin in thought for a few moments before answering.
"That... might just work. Where is it?"
Rainbow motioned for me to get up and follow her.
"I can't tell you; it's a secret only the pegasi underground can know. But when unicorns or earth-ponies need to ride, they have to pay a fare and swear to never tell anypony where it is. So if I show you where this is, you have to promise me you won't say anything."
I went deep into thought; I never make a promise without thinking about it first. To me, a promise is the one thing in the world that should never be broken, and I have never broken one, ever. I made up my mind, I knew the words I was going to say. I was ready to make the promise. "I promise, that I will not willingly tell anybody the location of the balloon."
Rainbow smiled at me when I made the promise. "Thanks Django, it's good to know I can trust you... Even if you are a bit of a jerk sometimes." She finished speaking with a small grin.
"Yeah, I can be a bit of a dick at times."
We heard a patrol marching down the road and ducked back behind the dumpster to let them pass.
"Enough talk, let's get to the balloon," Rainbow said.
"Fine by me; lead the way."
A secret only the pegasi underground can know about, eh? That's some useful information right there.
We walked through the quieter parts of Canterlot for most of the trip. No guards followed us around, so we were in the clear. All we had to do was get to a hidden station that only an underground force of pegasi criminals knew the location of, avoid detection from the hundreds of guards in the city, Manage to secure passage on the balloon so we can get out of the city, survive a ride in the clouds with a bunch of dangerous thugs, and be back in Ponyville before supper... Piece of cake.
It only took us maybe an hour of sneaking around the city to get to the area where the balloon docking station was. But with guards on the look out for us, we were constantly ducking into alleys, running into stores, and jumping into dumpsters when we thought we heard something. It would have been a lot easier if we were not wearing the completely ludicrous outfits that we were in. But what can I say; you gotta do, what you gotta do.
At some point or another, we had to run into a clothing store so two passing guards would not see us. What we did not know was that we had just entered a lingerie shop. The owner saw that we were hiding from the guards and took the situation to make us buy something. She told us if we did not she would rat us out. We almost did not buy it, but we had no choice when she tried to call for the guards to come back.
So Rainbow was sporting a black latex maid's uniform and had leather high-heel boots that went up to the first joint in her legs. She had also gotten the little hat that had come with the outfit, but instantly threw it away once we were out of the shop.
I was was in a close weave sleeveless fish net shirt. Why, you ask? Because after I lost my beater at the castle I needed a shirt; that, and it was the only thing that could stretch far enough for me to wear. I also got a new belt- one that held my new assortment of whips, riding crops, flogs, and other things of that sort. To finish off my little get-up, I was wearing a thick leather choker with a small, red gem in the center.
Even though they were ponies, they still used leather. Real leather too; not fake stuff. I do not know why they were not freaked out about using cows' skin, but I guess it is just one of those things in life you do not question and just accept.
So there we were; two people who were trying to sneak around the city, fully outfitted to look like a couple of gimps.
"Ugh, this is horrible. I can barely move without this stupid thing squeaking!" Rainbow was having a hard time of wearing the outfit she had purchased. I had suggested that she should just take it off, but she had said that since she bought it, she was going to get some use out of it.
I pulled on the collar I was wearing and looked down to her. "You think I'm enjoying wearing this thing? I feel ridiculous Rainbow. Why can't I just take it off?"
"'Cause I paid for it, and until you pay me back what I spent, you'll wear it!"
"Fine, whatever, I'm taking this stupid thing off when we get back home though."
I would never admit this to anybody, but I actually enjoyed wearing this outfit. I am not sure why, but I have a thing for wearing collars that fit a little bit too tightly.
We kept going past all the rows of stores and the ponies giving us strange looks- god I hate people looking at me- and entered a small tavern at the end of a street. To say we fit in with the crowd here would be an understatement. In fact, we were the most normal looking pair here. There were ponies with peg legs, ponies with crazy get-ups, even some ponies with peg legs and crazy get-ups.
We walked over to the bar and took a seat. Well, Rainbow took a seat; the bar stool way way too small for me, so I just stood there and leaned on the bar top. A scruffy pony with a scraggly beard walked up to us and asked us what we wanted. "Are ya here for mah famous hard cider, or are ya here for my... other... services?"
I looked at him curiously. "Other services? What else is there?"
He smiled at me devilishly and raised his head up high. "Cherry! Get yer sweet, little flank over here!"
After a few seconds, a small earth-pony mare trotted up to the bar and leaned against it with a bored look on her face.
"What d'ya want Tappa', can't ya see I'm busy here?"
She spoke in an accent that I would have guessed came from Manhatten. Here, they have a city almost with the same name; it's called "Manehatten".
"This young feller wants ta know what other services we have here."
She instantly perked up and spun around to face me. She took a few seconds to look me over, as if judging me. Finally she got a wry look on her face and put a hoof on my chest and started tracing small circles with it.
"Well, why didn't ya just say so Tappa'. I'd be more than happy to show him just what kind of... services... I can provide."
I could not believe my ears. Was she really coming on to me? How the hell can so much crazy shit be happening in the same day?!
"Uh, that's nice of you, really. But I'm afraid I'm gonna have to say no."
She put on a little pouty face and snuggled up close to me, pushing herself up against my chest and lower body. I am not sure why, but that felt weirdly good.
"Aww, can't ya just go for a lil' bit of a service?"
I tried to smile at her, but I am almost certain it looked like a grimace.
"To tell the truth, I'm kinda broke at the moment."
I was lying through my teeth. I did not want to because I was not sure if I really did want to. She is a pony, I am a Human; I am not really sure my culture would exactly smile upon that sort of thing. Do not get me wrong, she is pretty cute, but really, I am not sure if it would be bestiality or not. She is a pony, but she is also a sentient being, and there is all this alien porn crap, and everybody seems to think that is okay. But this is not a pornographic fetish, this is real life; and I am not sure if I can proudly say "Hey guys, I just fucked a magical talking pony! Beat that!".
"Don't worry 'bout that baby, the first one's on me." She said those last two words in a style that somebody would tell a dirty joke.
Before either of us could say anything else, Rainbow spoke up. "Sorry lady, but he's with me."
We both looked over to Rainbow with shocked expressions.
"That's right, and we're here on business. So if you wouldn't mind, get lost."
She made a face at Rainbow, then pulled me closer with her teeth by my choker to whisper something in my ears. Once I was close enough she let go and held my head closer by hooking her two front hooves around my neck. "If things between you two don't work out, remember my offer baby." She then planted a kiss square on my lips and let me go. Before she trotted off, she looked at me and gave a wink.
"I'll... be sure to keep that in mind." I sat there stunned for a few moments before Tapper spoke up again.
"She really is somethin', ain't she?"
I just nodded dumbly and stared after her. But then I spun around when I remembered what Rainbow had said just a second ago. "What do you mean 'I'm with you'?! Back on the train you didn't want to have anything to do with me!"
She shook her head at me. "I said that so she would leave us alone and we could do what we came here for."
"I- uh, oh. Yeah, I guess that makes sense."
Rainbow then turned to Tapper and got straight to the point.
"Listen, we're not here for cider or her. We're here to get out of Canterlot."
Tapper nodded slowly and spoke with a certain amount of hate in his voice.
"I'll bet. Those dang guards can never stay outta anyponys' business." He looked straight at me and eyed me like I was a diamond ring being judged by a potential buyer. "I'ma go out on a limb here n' say yer the one who got into the trouble in the first place."
I smiled a little sheepishly at that. "Well, I uh, guess you could say that."
"That doesn't matter," said Rainbow. "What does matter is that we get aboard the next balloon and get a ride to Ponyville as soon as possible."
He looked back to Rainbow. "Fine, it's fifty bits a rider."
"What?! That's way higher than it was the last time I was here!"
"Well the price goes up according to the risk. He's pretty noticeable, so I'm taking a bigger risk than if he were a pony."
Rainbow grumbled and took out her little coin bag- I have no idea where the hell she kept it- and counted out the small gold bits.
"I only have forty-two bits'."
"Then I guess he ain't gettin' outta Canterlot."
Rainbow started to argue with Tapper over the price while I started thinking.
How can I make a few extra bucks in a bar...?
I looked around and spotted a group of seven or eight mares laughing drunkenly around a big table. It only took me a few seconds to from the idea, but it took considerably less time for me to me to act on it. I walked up to the table with a swagger in my step and a sly look on my face. I had practiced doing this, so I was not worried that I would look like a fool. But I did have to ponder the idea that this might not be a normal thing here. But I did not have long to think about it as I reached the table only after a few long strides.
"So what's the party about?" I asked as I strode up to the table.
They all turned to face me with drunken eyes as they all yelled out the answer at once. "It's mares' night out!"
I raised an eyebrow at them. "Oh really? Well how would you like some entertainment to go with your drinks?"
They all looked at me saucily at that.
"What do you mean by... 'entertainment'?"
"Yeah, do you have something special on that belt of yours?"
I smiled at them and shook my head. "All in due time, my sweets." Then I hopped up onto the table and hooked my thumbs into my belt. "So who wants a show?!"
They all screamed at once. "I DO!"
I took that as my cue to start my routine and did a little dance on the table top while my hands roamed around on my chest and occasionally my lower areas. They whooped and cheered and I could feel tugs at my belt as they stuffed small bags of gold bits into my pants. After a few minutes, the entire female population of the bar- and even a few mares passing by- came over to the table I was dancing on and started reaching out to me and cheering. A couple of times a mare would jump up onto the table and dance with me, but would get pulled down by other mares. At some point a bottle of cider was thrown at me, but I saw it coming and caught it in mid-air. I stopped in my dancing and went to drink the beverage. But instead of doing it the normal way, I held it away from my face and let it pour over my neck and down my chest. This only made the mares scream louder, and invited me to dance harder.
This went on for maybe half an hour before Tapper walked up and made me stop by knocking the table over. I got up in time to see Tapper getting mobbed by angry mares and having to jump back behind the bar to avoid dismemberment. I dusted myself off and looked up to see the mares in the bar looking at me with longing eyes.
"Sorry y'all, that's all for now. Maybe I can do this again some other time."
The was a collective "aaaawwwwww!" from all the mares in the crowd, and a low grumble from all the stallions.
I walked back up to the bar chuckling to myself at what had just went down. I saw Rainbow looking at me with wide eyes and jaw hanging low to the ground.
"What the hay was that?!"
"What? The bouncer job got boring so I took on a job as a dancer."
We looked at each other for a few seconds, not saying anything, but then Tapper cleared his throat and spoke up.
"Ahem, so I'm guessin' you're gonna be buying a passage?"
I gave him a smug grin. "Eeyup, I do believe I am."
I took out one of the lighter pouches and counter out eight bits. Then I slid them over to Rainbow, who took them and added them to hers and paid Tapper. He then took out a smooth, black stone that was about the size of a quarter. I took the stone and put it in my pocket. Then me and Rainbow walked out of the bar, and over to where the balloon should be.
"So, how much money did you make?"
I pulled out all the bags I had stuck in my pants and counted all the bits I had gained from my little peep show.
"I have... a little over three hundred bits."
Rainbow stopped in her tracks and stared at me like I had just told her that I was a pony in disguise.
"You got all that from just dancing?!"
"What can I say?" I said. "I'm good at what I do."
We turned a corner and saw something that made me do a double take. There was a huge balloon painted to look like a cloud. No, it was a cloud. They were using a huge cloud as cover to hide the balloon in. We walked up to the ramp that led up to the huge basket that held ponies in it. As we approached a group of rough looking ponies got up and stood in our way.
"Wha'chu want?!"
"I'm looking for a way out of Canterlot. I heard you could provide that."
"Yeah, we can; but you gotta pay the fee!"
I looked over them with a growing anger.
"I already did."
"I don't see no money! Do you two see any money?!" He was talking to the two that were flanking him on either side.
"Nope, no money here."
"I can't see any shiny."
The leader of the three looked back to me with a sneer. "We don't see no money! So that means you gotta pay!"
I was barely containing my anger at this point.
"I paid. Let me through."
They all stepped up closer to me, and the leader got into my face.
"I said- urrk!"
I grabbed him by the throat and lifted him off the ground so we were eye level. "Listen, I paid my way, now you better let me pass or I'm going to get angry. You wouldn't like me very much when I'm angry." I squeezed extremely hard and his eyes bulged out of their sockets, then I let him fall to the ground and walked past him. The other two quickly stepped out of my way as I passed. I reached into my pocket and took out the token that Tapper had given me and tossed it back to them as I walked up the ramp.
Rainbow trotted after me as I walked up into the basket. "Wow, you really showed him."
"I don't like when people yell at me."
I was not looking at her when I said this. I just stared into the empty space where the balloon was.
"Hey, don't be like that. I'm here, and I think you did the right thing by showing them who's boss. I would have done the same thing in your place."
I looked over to her with a smile. "Thanks Rainbow, that means a lot." I walked over to where my seat was on the balloon and Rainbow followed me closely in to the balloon. I gave her a curious look. "I thought you would be flying. What's up?"
She looked down at the ground and mumbled something.
"What was that?"
She mumbled something again, a bit louder this time.
"I'm not a bat Rainbow. You're going to have to speak up."
She heaved a sigh. "I said I want to ride with you."
I was genuinely surprised at her words. I did not know she wanted to ride with me; I thought she would have wanted to fly back. I was not going to tell her off, but I wanted to get something straight. "Uh, okay. But if you kiss me again, you're going to have admit that you're the one who's crazy about me." I said that with a cocky smile.
Her head shot up and she glared at me. I could tell she was still angry about the little incident on the train. "Trust me Django; it'll be you, who tries to kiss me."
"Whatever you say Rainbow. I get the window seat this time." I sat down on my seat and leaned against the side of the basket. I looked out over the railing for a while, but when the balloon lifted off, I started to feel drowsy again. I tried my hardest to keep my eyes open, but it was just to much for me. My eyes slipped closed and I drifted off to sleep.
***
I opened my eyes very slowly. They felt like they were glued together and me opening them hurt. It felt like they were being ripped off of my face instead of just being opened. I was able to tell that I was laying down from the feeling of support of my head. I could also feel a weight on my chest, and picked my head up to see what it was, and saw that a cyan blur was laying on top of me. I knew now that this was Rainbow from the last time this happened. I poked Rainbow in the side to wake her up. "Hey, wake up."
She stirred for a moment and mumbled something about not wanting to go to school.
"Hey! Rainbow, wake up!"
She lifted her head lazily off of my chest and looked at me with sleepy eyes.
"Are we there yet?" She sounded like she was just in a deep sleep. But I did not care at the moment; I wanted her to get off of me.
"Almost there, so get off me."
She got a slightly angry look on her face when I said that. "Why did you wake me up if we're not there yet?"
"Uh, maybe because you're sleeping on top of me?"
"You make a nice pillow."
"Really now?"
"Yes; so be a good pillow and shut up so I can sleep."
Before I could get another word in she put her head back down and went back to sleep. I rolled my eyes and was a little annoyed that she was asleep and could not see me doing so. I put my head back down on the seat and closed my eyes again.
Well, I can make her get up when we get there...
With that I drifted off back into a dreamless sleep.
***
We were woken up by a gruff voice a lot later than I had expected, seeing as it was nearly dark. I looked around and tried to get up, but Rainbow had to hop off first. After she did so we both walked over to the railing and saw the fringes of Ponyville.
"This is it folks. End of the line," said the captain.
I looked at him as if he were crazy. "But it's like, ten miles from here to town!"
He looked at me as if I was the most disgusting thing he had ever seen. "So? Not my problem."
I took a step closer to him and grabbed the front of his mane and pulled his head up so we were closer to eye level.
"Listen friend," I growled, "you're going to land us closer to town if you want to live."
His eyes widened at my threat, and I knew that I had won this little argument. "Alright, alright, I'll get you two a little closer. But don't expect me to land right at the town limits!"
I shook my head and leaned over the edge to watch the last bit of the sun setting over the horizon. It really was a glorious sight; but what made it even better was knowing that I had somebody to share it with.
What the fuck am I doing?! I can't be falling for her! She's a pony for fuck's sake!
I looked over to Rainbow and saw her staring out at the horizon; looking at the mixture of warm colors. Seeing the reds and oranges swirl together. The little wisps of pink and purple at the very edges, blending in seamlessly. The warm yellow of the last remaining rays of the sun's bright glow. It really was a magnificent sight... and I almost... did not hate it. It reminded me of things from the past. I did not really like my past, and everybody knew it. I closed my eyes and felt the cool breeze go through my hair. My hair was getting kind of long since we got here. It was almost to my shoulders in the back, and it was eye level in the front. I put the thought of my hair length to the side as I opened my eyes again and saw that we were considerably closer to the small town below us.
I looked back up to the setting sun and saw it as it finally slipped past the horizon and took all the warm light with it. I could see the moon rising over the hills to the east and could start to see all the starts in the night sky. It was not like back on Earth, oh no. Here you could see billions, upon billions of stars. I could even see things that must be distant planets standing out from the stars.
Suddenly I felt very homesick. I hated my family, and all of my friends, but that did not mean I did not have things going on for me back home. I was going to ask out this cute girl named Summer that lived down the street from me. I had a dog to take care of and he will be wondering where I am. I had a tournament coming up for regional champion for one of my computer games. I was going to miss all of that stuff. I never really thought about it before; but I actually miss my life back on Earth. Do not get me wrong, this place is about a million and two times better. But there are things I wanted to do back home that I will never be able to do now.
But I am the kind of guy who takes advantage of the situation and makes things go his way. I was not going to mope around about my shitty old life. I was living a new life, a new life in Equestria! I looked to Rainbow with a smile on my face. "Hey Rainbow, you know what parachutes are, right?"
She turned to me with a confused look on her face. "Yeah; what about 'em?"
I grinned devilishly as I thought about my plan. "How would you like to be one?"
I saw her cock her head to the side in puzzlement, but before she could say anything, I jumped out of the basket and went into a steep dive straight towards the ground. I was barreling down to the ground at lightning speed. I guessed I was about five hundred feet from becoming a splatter on the ground. I angled my body for more speed, and I could hear the wind whistling past me. I pasted four hundred feet, and my heart was pumping faster than it has ever done before. I zipped past three hundred and I could tell I had just hit terminal velocity. I was going fast, but I did not think I was gaining any more speed. I got to two hundred feet and I could make out the features of the ground below me in great detail. There were trees, and grass... and that was about it. I was at less than one hundred feet when I felt a grip under my arms. Rainbow had caught me before I hit the ground.
"Are you crazy?! I almost didn't catch you!"
We were coasting along in the air at a little less than one hundred feet and letting the trees and hills pass by under us.
"I wasn't worried; you are the greatest flier in Equestria after all."
She was silent for a moment, then I heard her laugh. "Heh, heh, yeah, I am pretty amazing. But why did you jump? Do you have a death wish or something?"
I shrugged as best I could with her holding me underneath my arms. "I just wanted to feel the wind in my hair is all."
"Yeah well, you almost gave me a heart attack."
"Sorry Rainbow, but that guy smelled like burnt cheese." I made a face at the end of my sentence to put emphasis on my point.
She laughed again and kept flying with me in her grip. We reached the borders of Ponyville after a few minutes and landed where nobody would see us. We walked through the town looking for guards who may be around. We did not know if they knew where I was staying at, but I was not about to take any chances.
We made it to the library without incident. Rainbow thought it best for her to be there with me so she could defend me if Twilight started throwing accusations my way. I wholeheartedly agreed with her and thanked her for her support.
We opened the door without a squeak and walked into the main room of the library quietly. The lights were out so Twilight must have already gone to bed. We made it half of the way to the basement door before we heard a voice. It was a voice that we both instantly recognize.
"Well Django, I hope you're up for another one of our little chats; because I'd like to discuss a few things with you."
We both froze where we were; hoping against hope she would not be able to see us if we did not move. It did not work.
"You do know we can see you, right?"
That was a different voice. It was a voice I feared almost as much as the first voice.
"Sister, do they really think we can't see them?"
"I'm not sure sister; maybe we should ask them."
There was a moment of silence before they started speaking again.
"Well, do you really believe that we aren't able to see you?"
I decided I was not going to be afraid. If they were going to turn me inside-out with their magic, so be it. But I really do not think that will be the case. I am a talker after all; I can talk my way out of anything.
"Yes?" It sounded as if a mouse had answered.
The lights all came on at once with a burst of magic that lit every candle in the room. I saw the two princesses standing at the side of the room, flanked by at least twenty guards.
"You t-"
Celestia had started to speak, but at the sight of us in the light made her stop. We were still wearing our outfits from the lingirie shop, and I will bet all my bits that they were not expecting to see us like this.
"What?" I asked. "you look like you've never seen a maid and her gimp before."
The two of them got some of their focus back and started talking again.
"What are you wearing?" That was Luna, and she looked shocked that we were wearing something like this around. "But more importantly; where did you get it?"
I looked at her with a wry smile and a raised eyebrow. "Why do you ask? Planning on doing a little holiday shopping?"
Her eyes widened and she blushed intensely at my words.
"But more importantly," I said, just like she did. "who are you going to buy it for? Do you have a secret lover, or..." I looked over to Celestia. "Maybe it's a gift for a family member..."
Now Celestia joined her sister in blushing. I had them just where I wanted them. Just a little more, and I was home free.
I looked Celestia over as if I were judging her. "Yeah, I could picture you in a little maid's uniform."
Her blushed brightened and she looked away.
"Luna, you would look great in a school teacher's get-up. The little glasses, the pencil behind your ear..." I smiled wryly. "Oh yes, very attractive."
Luna's eyes widened even further and her jaw dropped open when I said that.
The whole time I was talking, I was inching my way across the library's main room and towards the basement door. All I need was a few more feet...
"I don't really care if you two want to play dress up for each other; but I'm not sure what the citizens would say..."
"Enough!" They both had reached their breaking point. I thought they would be able to handle a bit more, but I was wrong.
Luna stormed up to me and tried to get in my face... She could not. She was taller than all the other ponies except Celestia; but I still towered over her. She only realized that once she was standing right in front of me. She tried to stand on her tippy-hooves, but nearly fell over.
"Need some help there?" I asked.
She looked up at me with a glare and opened her mouth to say something, but I made my move before she could say one word. I reached down and gripped her underneath her front legs and hoisted her up so we were eye level. She yelped with surprise when I did this, but that is to be expected. She weighed about the same as my aunt's golden retriever, and I have always been way strong for my age, so picking her up was no trouble for me at all.
"There, now you can glare at me at eye level all you want," I said in a cheery voice.
"Put us down this instant! We shall not tolerate such behavior!"
"Oh reeeaally?"
"Yes! Now put us down or we will turn you to ash! This does not amuse us!"
I then got an idea... A brilliant idea...
I started moving my index and middle fingers in a way that would be considered as something we all know to be called "tickling". She started to squirm after only a second, and began giggling soon after.
"Haha, no, we comman- hahaha, command you t- haha, to stop this at once!"
Her eyes were watering and she had a look on her face that could only be described as an "angry smile".
"If it doesn't 'amuse you', then why are you laughing?"
She was past the point where she could form words, but she could still do magic. She lit up her horn and started to glow, then there was a loud "zwang" noise and Luna was gone. Well, not gone, but out of my grasp. She was standing on the other side of the room next to her sister, trying hard to fight back laughter. After a while she was able to get the giggles under control and continued to glare at me, but did not make the mistake of coming too close again. Instead of her trying to say something again, it was Celestia's turn now.
"You certainly are a strange creature Django; do you know that?"
I looked at Celestia and answered with a completely serious face. "My insanity is one of my best qualities."
Celestia raised an eyebrow at that. "First you storm out of Twilight's home and get a train ride to Canterlot, then you break into my castle and retrieve your missing items, then you somehow manage to avoid detection by my guards and get all the way back to Ponyville. All while wearing that?"
I looked down at my clothing and then back up to Celestia. "But it breathes so nicely..."
She chuckled slightly, but then went back to being all serious.
"Django, you committed a serious crime by breaking into my castle. You're lucky nopony was hurt, or you would be facing much more punishment than I'm giving you."
I swallowed nervously at the idea of receiving punishment by the princess; but then thought it was funny that she was going to punish me in my current clothing, and could not resist making the joke.
"Yes mistress," I said, taking a bow. "Would you like to borrow one of my whips? Or maybe a riding crop is more your style?"
Her eyes went wide and she was silent for a few seconds. When she next opened her mouth to speak, she could not and closed it again.
It was not until I started laughing that she realized that I was making a joke. When she did though, she gave a half-hearted shake of her hoof and joined me in laughing. But after a bit, I could not avoid it anymore; I had to face my punishment.
"So, what's my punishment going to be?"
Celestia got serious again and looked to her sister. They both nodded and turned to me with grim faces.
I'm going to be killed, aren't I?
"Django Garcia, you have broken the law by trespassing on castle grounds, and destroying the window in the biological research labs," Celestia began.
Yep, definitely gonna die.
"By this crime you have been sentenced the following punishment," Luna added.
I wonder if it'll hurt...
They both looked back to one another, then back to me.
Oh god, they're both gonna kill me at the same time!
"You must pay the fee that is required to replace the window you broke," they both said at the same time.
I'm gonna miss this place, I wonder if- wait, what?
I stared at them in shock. Did they just say what I think they just said?
"Are- are you serious? All I gotta do is pay for the broken window?"
"Yes," Luna said, "you must pay what us what you owe."
"Like I said earlier," Celestia started, "you are lucky nopony got hurt."
I looked at them both in amazement. I had broken into their home, and they were going to let me live! I really am lucky!
"So how much will it cost?" I asked.
"It will cost you one hundred and thirty bits," Celestia said. " But I know that you have only just got here and don't have any money. So I have arranged for you to raise the money through community service."
I got a small grin on my face as I reached into my pocket. "actually, I have the money right here."
The both looked a little surprised that I had that much money already. I guess they did not know just how easy I can make money in bars.
I counted out the money I owed them, and still had almost two hundred bits on me. I put the money I still had in a large leather pouch that one of the mares in that bar had shoved down my pants, and put the money that I was giving to them in another pouch and handed it to them.
"How did you get so much money this quickly?!" Celestia was stunned that I had made that much money in only the two days that I've been here.
I just did the only thing that could sum it up in a reasonable explanation. I tapped the side of my nose with my index finger and said the only thing I could. "Magic."
They both stared at me for further explanation, but they were disappointed. I was a tight-lipped son of a bitch when I wanted to be.
"Well anyways," Celestia said, "I would still like to know why you would risk your life just to get something back that we were going to give back to you a few days later."
"Yes," said Luna, "we would like to know why as well."
"Well, I guess I just don't like people touching my stuff. That, and I haven't gone a day without listening to my music since I bought my iPod, and I was getting a little jumpy without it."
They both looked a little confused, and started asking questions.
"How do you listen you listen to music; we do not see any instruments with you."
"Yes, how is it that you can listen to music?"
"Yeah Django, you don't have anything on you that even looks musical."
That last one was from Rainbow; I had forgotten she was even here.
I spun around to face her and saw that she was a little annoyed that I had indeed forgotten her.
"Hey Rainbow, go stand over by the princesses so I don't have to keep turning around."
"Okay Django," she said, "but you better not be making this music stuff up."
I grinned as I thought of how they never even heard of something as amazing as an iPod before. "Don't worry Rainbow," I said, "I'm not making this up." I pulled off my pack and opened it up. I then reached into it and pulled out my iPod. I then pulled out my headphones and plugged them into the port on the bottom of the iPod. I pressed the little button on the top and unlocked it. I then opened my music tab and scrolled through the thousands of songs I had on there. I finally picked a good one by KORN and walked over to Celestia.
"You can put these over your ears, or I can pull them out so we can all hear it at the same time. You pick."
She gave me a cautious look and turned to Luna, who shook her head.
"Let's all listen to it at the same time," she said.
I shrugged. "Fine by me."
I pulled out my headphones and put them around my neck. I then pushed play, and one of KORN's best songs- in my opinion- started playing. We listened to the song "Freak On A Leash", and I must say, Rainbow looked to be liking the song... a lot.
After the song ended, the two princesses looked amazed. They had never seen a device that could play music without a disk. They had CD and casette players here, and even record players, but they did not have anything close to this.
"That little device can play a song without even needing a disk or record?! That is the most amazing thing we have ever seen!"
"Yeah Django, that's so awesome!"
Celestia did not say anything; she just sat there with a look of astonishment on her face.
"So Celestia, what do you have to say about it?"
She shook her head slowly and looked me in the eye. "It's one of the most amazing things I have ever seen Django. I can see why you would risk yourself for something so valuable."
Rainbow spoke up again after the princess had finished. "Heck yeah it is valuable; it can play awesome songs like that whenever he wants!" She then looked over to me with a curious stare. "How many songs can you play on that thing anyways?"
I looked down to my iPod and turned it over in my hands a couple of times. I was not sure exactly how many songs I could hold on it. But I would just give them a rough estimate. "Um, I think it can hold about fifty thousand, or something like that."
"What?!" Rainbow yelled. "You can have fifty thousand awesome songs like that ready to play whenever you want?!"
"Uh, yeah."
"That is so awesome!"
"Yeah, kinda. But hey, now that I've paid the fine and all, can I go to bed? I'm kind of tired."
Both of the princesses laughed at my request and nodded.
"Thanks. See you two later I hope."
"Don't worry," Luna said, "we shall come back to town and have you play songs for us."
I chuckled at the way she assumed I would do as she said. I had a serious problem with authority figures, and a princess kind of counted as one. But if she asked me to, I would play a song. But only because it was her- if a guard told me to play a song, I would probably tell him to go fuck himself.
I put the iPod into my pocket and slung my pack over my shoulder. I was worn out after our little adventure. I was planning on going downstairs, taking a nice, hot shower, and passing out on my bed.
But Rainbow had other plans. She zoomed over to me and blocked my way into the basement.
"No way! I bet you got all kinds of cool stuff in there!" She was blocking my path, and I was tired, so I did the only thing I could think of. I pushed her roughly out of the way and kept walking.
"Hey! Let me see what's in your bag." she flew back in front of me and made bambi eyes. "Please?" she asked me in a baby voice. If she had planned on it making me do what she wanted, it did not work
"Move."
"Let me see what's in there first."
"Move."
"C'mon, it'll only take a second."
"You know Django, she can be very stubborn."
I turned around to see Celestia and Luna watching our little exchange with amusement. I gave them an angry look, but they just kept on watching to see who would win.
"Yeah, so you better just give in, 'cause you're not gonna win."
I heaved a great sigh and pinched the bridge of my nose. "So you really wanna see what's in my bag, huh?"
"Sure do."
"Okay, fine." I then took off my pack and held it way out to the side of me. She went to grab it but I spun around in the other direction faster than she thought I could move and sprinted to the door. I was about to grab the handle when there was a tug on the pack and it slipped out of my hands.
"Hey! Give that back!"
Rainbow flew up to the ceiling and stuck her tongue out at me. She opened my pack and started to pull things out. First all my note books and text books from school, then she pulled out my gym clothes, then she stuck her whole head in to see what else was in there.
"Damn it Rainbow, stop! Give me back my fucking pack!"
She just ignored me and kept rifling through it.
"Hey," she finally said, "what's this thing?"
She pulled out a black box abut the size of one of my text books. It had two tops so she started turning it over, deciding which one to open first.
"Rainbow, please, I'm begging you, don't open that!"
"Why don't you want her to open it Django?" I heard Celestia ask from behind me.
I did not turn around when I answered, but they could probably tell by my voice the expression I wore. "It has something personal, and I really don't want her to open it."
"Rainbow Dash, I think that's enough," Celestia said after a short period of silence.
"Why, is there something embarrassing in here? Oh geez, I bet it's full of naughty magazines!" With that she picked a side and undid the snaps holding the lid down. We all saw her face drop and fill with confusion. She tipped the box over and let the small black object inside fall into her hoof while still holding the box with her other hoof."What's this thing?" She held up what looked like the letter "L" made out of black metal. It had a small groove on top, and a little hoop on the bottom with a small piece of curved metal coming out of the main part. There was a hole on one end, and she thankfully kept that pointed away from her. I knew what she was holding, but the others in the room had no clue what it was.
"It's nothing; just give it back!"
She looked at me with suspicion; she could tell I was lying by the frantic way I was trying to get it back. "Tell me what it is first; then I'll give it back."
"Damn it Rainbow, this isn't funny! Give it back or I'll make you sorry!"
I heard the two princesses behind me speak up.
"Yes Rainbow Dash, enough is enough. Give it back to him."
"We agree; give that back to Django."
Rainbow looked hurt. She obviously wanted to know what it was, and she was prepared to fight for her answers.
"What if it's dangerous; and that's why he wants it back?"
I turned around to face Celestia and Luna. They were both clearly thinking about what Rainbow had just said.
"Is it dangerous Django?" Celestia asked.
"Only if you don't know how to use it."
"What do you mean? what does it do?"
I did not want to tell them exactly what it did; but I had to tell them something.
"I use it to scare away people who would want to hurt me or rob me. That's what it does. Now can you use your magic or something and take it away from her so she doesn't break it?"
I saw Luna's horn light up and turned to see the metal object in Rainbow's hoof light up with magic as Luna levitated it away from Rainbow and towards me. It was almost within reach, but it took a sudden turn upwards and over my head. I truned around to see the object floating right up to Luna's face and watched in horror as she looked straight into the little hole on the front.
"NO!"
I screamed it as loud as I could and reached over to my side and grabbed a book off of a nearby shelf and threw it with all my strength at the floating object in front of Luna's face. I missed by an inch and only hit the bottom part. Even though it was not enough to knock it out of Luna's magical grip, it was still enough to make it spin like a top in mid-air.
Luna was shocked at what I did and lost focus for a second.
"BANG"
The sound echoed off the walls for a few seconds before fading. It was loud enough to make us all cringe; but when we righted ourselves, something was wrong. There was something wrong with Luna, and there was something wrong with Celestia too. They looked horrified for some reason.
It must have been the shot.
I was about to try to calm them down by explaining that it makes that noise to scare people away. I took in a breath so I could start up my explanation, but I felt a sharp pain in my chest. I looked down to see what caused the pain, but I could not see anything. There was way too much red in the way for me to see what was on my chest. I wiped my hand over where the red was pouring out of and discovered that it was warm and a little sticky.
Huh, kinda like blood...
I wiped a few more times but the red just kept coming back. Stupid color, it was annoying me. Red just went down on my "favorite colors" list. I was going to ask for something to help me get rid of all this red, but I was feeling really tired all of a sudden.
Stupid Rainbow; why did she have to block the way to my bed? Now my mom's gonna get mad at me because I'm up too late and I have school tomorrow.
"But mom, it's not my fault; Rainbow won't let me go to sleep."
Then my legs felt weak and I collapsed to the floor. It was all wet from the red stuff that was coming out of me. I heard muffled voices screaming and yelling my name. Silly voices; they should know that it is bedtime.
"Mommy, can you tell me the story about the three bears?"
I could feel myself being moved.
Daddy must be home from work early today. He must be carrying me to bed like he always does when I'm too tired to walk.
There were more voices now; and they kept getting louder. It was really annoying; I was turning five tomorrow and I wanted to wake up early so I could play with my friends before we went to grandma's house.
"But mommy, it's my birthday. Why can't you come?"
I could hear my mother's voice telling me what she always told me.
"I'm busy mijo, maybe next time."
I started to get really cold. My sister must have come into my room and opened the window to make me cold because I embarrassed her in front of her friends. It is not my fault I do not know how to ride a bike; I was only three years old.
I could not feel myself moving anymore; and the voices were going away.
Finally! Now I can sleep; I'm really tired.
Everything was completely dark. I did not like the dark. The dark was scary. I tried to call out to somebody, but I could not talk like the grown-ups could. I was still learning how to talk; so it was easier to just cry. Mommy or Daddy always came and made me feel better when I cried.
I hope they come and get me soon; there's a strange man walking towards me. I don't like him; he's scary looking.
The man leaned down into my face and whispered something so quiet I almost did not hear him.
"It's time Django; you have to come with me now."
"Who are you?"
"I'm the one who takes all the children who die to safety. Don't you want to be safe and warm?"
"Yes. It's cold."
"Well, just come with me and I promise that you'll be safe from all the bad things in the world forever."
"Forever?"
"Yes Django, forever."
He reached out his hand to me, but I was too small to grab it. I was only two years old; and that is not very old. He saw that I could not reach and bent down to pick me up. I hoped he was going to carry me all the way there; I was really tired, and wanted to go to sleep.
But as soon as his skin touched me I felt a huge shock in my heart. It hurt so bad I could not even cry. There was another shock, and I started to fall away from the man.
"No, come back Django!"
I tried to crawl towards him, but there was another shock in my heart and I started to fall farther away.
"Django, come back!" He sounded far away and his voice echoed a little bit.
Things started to get brighter and warmer. It felt like I was stepping out of a pile of ice and onto the beach.
There was another shock; but this time it hurt a whole lot worse than before, but I was able to scream.
"Aahhh, stop; it hurts!"
There was another shock and it almost felt like my heart was on fire. I could not see or hear the man anymore; but that was okay, I did not really want to live there if it was cold.
I could hear voices again, and I could also feel people touching me. I really hated people touching me. I hated that even more that people staring at me.
There was another shock and I was able to think straight enough to yell at them.
"Stop that! It hurts!"
It was getting brighter and I could hear a lot more noise. Somebody must have given me a coffee at some point too; because I felt much more awake now.
There was a high pitched whine and the I felt another shock to my heart. This time it was a lot different. It shook my whole body and everything got loud and I could see clearly.
I was back in the hospital and I was surrounded by doctors. I heard the sound of the defibrillators and looked over to see a doctor pony about to shock me again.
"Oh no you don't!"
I grabbed the paddles out of his hooves and hit him in the side of the head with them. His mane shot straight up and he looked to be in a great amount of pain. There was even the smell of singed flesh to top it off. It was a magnificent moment in my life.
All the other ponies backed away from me and hit the sides of the room.
I got up off of the table and pulled all of the needles out and pulled the pads I had stuck to me off and looked around at all the doctors in the room. There were seven in all, and I planned to make seven corpses.
"Security!"
I turned towards the pony who had just yelled for security to show up. She was a white mare with light pink hair and blue eyes.
"You're first," I growled. I grabbed her by the neck and started to squeeze. I could hear her making choking sounds, and I squeezed harder. She was trying to pry my hands off of her neck so she could breath, but she just could not manage to free herself from my grip.
I could feel her spine starting to bend from the pressure and knew it would take much more for me to snap her neck. I was just about to do it too; but a half-dozen royal guards galloped into the room and tackled me to the ground.
I was able to get them off of me, but I felt a sharp pain in my chest. I looked down to see blood gushing out of a big hole in my chest.
"What the fuck?!"
But after I managed to say that little bit of profanity, I passed out from blood loss.
I was sitting in the living room of my friend's house playing video games and generally having a good time. I could not remember how I had gotten there, but it did not matter; we were having a good time and that is all I cared about.
We were on the final level and getting close to the end. I could see the final gate and was running towards it with enemies right behind us. I turned around to see him trip over a rock that had just sprung up out of the ground.
"Help! Come back!"
I skidded to a halt and ran back to him so I could help him up, but the enemies were catching up.
"I need help! My leg is broken!"
I ran over to him to give him a health vial to get him up. I pulled out the vial... but it was not a vial, it was a gun- no, it was my gun. I pointed the gun right at his head and held it there as our enemies massed around us in a circle.
"What are you doing?! Help me up!"
"I don't need you anymore," I said in a cold voice.
I then pulled the trigger, and my friend was dead.
The enemies all round me were cheering now. But they were not the regular enemies now, they changed into something else.
I looked all around me to see myself surrounded by ponies; and they were cheering me for killing my friend.
"What did you do?!"
I turned around to see my family and my other friends standing behind me with horrified expressions. They were all beat up looking, like they had been in a bad fight.
"I didn't need him anymore, and I don't need any of you either."
What was I saying?! I was not in control of myself and could not stop myself from doing these things.
I walked up to my friends and shot each one of them in the head as I walked down the line of them. Every time I killed one of them, the cheers grew louder.
Stop! What the fuck am I doing?!
I finished killing my friends and moved on to my family.
No! This can't be happening!
I walked up to my father and pulled the trigger.
"BANG"
The cheers got even louder.
When he hit the ground I walked up to my mother.
"BANG"
The cheers were nearly deafening now.
When she was dead on the ground I walked up to my little sister.
"No Django, don't do this! You don't have to do this!"
God damn it, stop! Don't kill her!
I hated my family more than a lot of things; but the only one I could actually stand was my sister. I did not want to do this, and I fought as hard as I could, but it was not enough.
"BANG"
"NO!"
I shot up in my bed sweating like it was hundreds of degrees in the room I was in. I was also panting heavily, and shaking.
"Hey, he's awake!"
"He's awake?! Get the doctor!"
"Somepony fasten the restraints!"
I looked around me to see a hospital room full of frantic ponies running around and getting tools, running to get others, or just standing there looking scared.
"Where am I?" I asked.
I saw a nurse walked up to me, and there was something oddly familiar about her.
"You're in the hospital, you got hurt. We're getting the doctors now so just lay back down and try not to move too much or you might hurt yourself again."
I looked down to my chest and saw a big bandage wrapped around me. It went over my chest and under my arms to reach my back and around again. "How did I get here?"
She looked at me with a softer expression as she answered. "You nearly died, and it's only through powerful healing magic and your natural vitality that you survived."
"What happened to me?"
"Nopony is really sure to tell you the truth. The princesses say that they heard a loud noise and then you started to bleed everywhere."
"They heard a loud noise...?"
But at that moment everything came rushing back to me. What had happened, where it happened, and why she was so familiar. "Oh damn, I'm sorry about nearly snapping your neck Redheart. I wasn't myself right then."
She snorted at me. "I know; they were telling me about all the weird things you were saying. It's just an occupational hazard I suppose."
"So you can forgive me then?"
She put a hoof to her chin and thought for a second before answering. "Yes," she said slowly, "I think I can."
"Thanks, I-"
"On one condition."
Oh god...
"And that is...?"
"That you come to my house in the morning when you get better and make me some of those amazing pancakes Twilight keeps telling everypony about."
I sat there with a blank face just thinking about how strange the request was. She wanted me to cook her breakfast because I almost killed her. How the hell does that sound even remotely sane?!
"Uh, I guess that's okay with me. I'll let you know when I'm coming before I show up though."
She smiled at me triumphantly. "It's a deal then. You'll cook me breakfast for a week in exchange for me not having you arrested."
"Wait, a week? I thought it was only a day!"
She grinned devilishly at me. "My sore neck, my rules."
"Ugh, fine, I'll cook you breakfast for one week, then we're even."
With that she stuck out her hoof and I shook it, sealing the deal.
I then saw the door open out of the corner of my eye and looked over to see the same doctor pony that I saw when I first came here.
"So, Django, you had us worried for a while there. You must be doing better, seeing that you're awake."
"Yeah, I'm alive, so that's something. But I have to ask, am I in trouble for going berserk like that?"
"Oh no, you don't have to worry about that, you weren't yourself."
"Yeah, that's true; I wouldn't hurt anyone in my right mind."
"Yes, I've heard you don't resort to violence unless absolutely necessary. That's good to know, considering that you're in here with us."
I thought for a minute as to what I should say next. I was not really sure what was normal in a pony hospital.
"So... am I free to leave? 'Cause I kinda want to get going."
The doctor shook his head. "No, I'm afraid that you'll have to stay in bed here for a least a week before we can let you go. I need to be sure that you're healing correctly before I can make that decision."
I could not believe this! I was going to be in here for a week... At least! I did not even like going to the doctor to get check-ups. How was I going to sit in here for a week doing nothing?!
"Uuugghhhh! Can't I go back to Twilight's house and stay in bed?"
"No, you need to be monitored 'round the clock for any changes in your recovery."
I fell back down on my bed with a "thump" and slapped my hands over my face. "Aaarrgghhh! This is un-fucking-acceptable! I don't even like to sit still for ten minutes. How am I going to last a week?!"
"Don't worry," he said, "I'm sure you can think of something."
I watched him walk out of the room and was wishing that I could stare at people so hard that they would spontaneously combust. It was a wish that, sadly, never came true.
***
I made it all the way to day three before I lost it. I hated not being able to leave a place, I hated hospitals, I hated people staring at me, and I hated people touching me. So you know what I hated more than a lot of things? Not being able to leave a hospital where the people are constantly staring at me and touching me.
"Get the fuck away from me! I'll fucking kill you if you don't get away from me!"
The team of doctors that were just surrounding my bed immediately backed away.
"If you come near me I'll rip your legs off and beat you to death with them!"
Their eyes widened and they backed closer to the door.
"Stop fucking staring at me or I'll rape your eye sockets until you're fucking brain dead!"
That was the last straw. They turned tail and bolted out of the room, screaming in fear.
"That's right! You better run! Don't come back either!" They were already gone, but I felt the need to continue to yell profanity at them from my bed.
I went on like that for about five minutes before I saw somebody else come in. It was Nurse Redheart, and she did not look amused.
"What did you do?"
"I just politely told them to fuck off or I'd kill them, that's all," I said sweetly.
"You know, that only makes my job harder."
"And just how does me threatening to kill them make your job harder, eh sweetheart?"
She bristled at my name for her. "That's Redheart, to you."
"What, are you not happy with our relationship? Am I not as good a listener as I should be? Or is it that I'm too rough in the bedroom?"
She narrowed her eyes in a threatening way that actually made me wonder if she was going hurt me. "You know that's not funny."
I gave her a sly look. "Isn't it?"
"No, not really," she said in a flat voice.
"Eh, what do you know, you're just a pony with a cute little scowl."
Her scowl deepened.
"Okay, not so cute anymore; now it's kind of scary."
There was a moment of silence between us that was going on, and on, and on until...
"Heh heh, Django, why are you such an anti-social person? You can be so charming when you want to be."
I smiled warmly at her as I answered. "Because you're the only one I love, my sweet," I said in an over-dramatic stage voice, "And I shall know no other, as long as I still draw breath."
"You better not; you still owe me a weeks worth of breakfast."
We both shared a laugh at that. We joked a lot like this ever since day one. We became instant friends, though, I'm not sure why. I was a violent-natured, hot-headed, curb-stomping, asshole, and she was... well, not a violent-natured, hot-headed, curb-stomping asshole. But hey, I'm not complaining about a friend who can sneak me extra pain pills when I am feeling down.
"So, how're you feeling today?"
"I'm actually feeling a lot better now that I got that little bit of profanity out of my system. But I still feel like I'm slowly rotting away while I'm sitting here."
"Well don't worry," she said as she hopped up onto my bed, "I'm here to make all your bad feelings go away."
I raised an eyebrow. "You plan to do that by...?"
"By letting you give me a massage!" she said cheerfully.
I sat there with a look on my face that clearly stated "Are you serious?"
"Don't be like that; after all, you owe me for not having you thrown in jail."
I heaved the most long-suffering sigh I could manage and started working on her shoulders. I am not a professional, but from the girls that I have been with, I have heard that I am damn good with my hands. I was not one to turn down a compliment, but I did not actually believe them until they started doing what I wanted just to get my hands on- or in some cases, in them.
"Mmmm, yeah..."
I rolled my eyes at her and was glad that hers were closed. We may be friends, but she did not take anything from anybody.
"Can you go a little bit, uh, lower?"
"Um, I... guess so."
I moved my hands from her neck and shoulders to her upper back and started working there. I could tell she was really stressed from all the tension in her shoulders, but lower down was even worse; it was like trying to give a massage to a car.
"Is that good, or no?"
She had her eyes closed in pleasure and a look of pure euphoria on her face. She had obviously not had many good massages in her life. "It's amazing, but, can you go, just a tiny bit lower? My back is killing me and I'd really appreciate it."
I narrowed my eyes at her and started getting the thought that she wanted something from me. The thing is, I had an idea of just what that might be; and I am not sure if I wanted to give it to her.
"Okaaayyyy... I can go a little lower, but not much." I moved my hands to her lower back, just above her flanks and started applying my skills.
"Ooohhhhh yes. Right there; that's the spot."
I was really hoping nobody was able to here that. If they did, they might think that something other than what actually going on was happening. I did not really mind giving her a massage, but I did kind of wish she would keep it down.
After a few minutes of working her back, she actually felt like the tension in her body had gone away. I left that spot on her back and was working different areas now. I was not doing anything more than a gentle rub down, but she still enjoyed it very much. I had gone to her neck again, then her shoulders, then back down to where I was. I was almost finished with her, but she had... other plans.
"Django, that was amazing, and I want to thank you."
"You're welcome Redheart; it's no problem."
"No, I wanted to thank you in a different way."
I was a little confused for a second when she said that, but then I got her meaning when she turned to face me and leaned in closer to me and planted a kiss right on my lips.
"What are you doing?!" I yelled.
Her eyes became half-lidded and she gained a small, seductive smile. "You made me feel good," she said in a quiet voice, "so now I want to make you feel good."
I was shocked that she could even say something like that. She could not be serious, she had to be joking.
"That's not very funny Redheart; it's not cool to be a tease."
Her smile widened. "Does this feel like I'm teasing you?"
She then pushed her hips down and started grinding them back and forth on my more manly areas. I could not believe this; she was trying to get me in my hospital bed!
I tried to push her off me, but she used her front legs to pin me down by my shoulders. I could have pushed her off, but I was already on thin ice with her about the whole jail thing. If I fought her off, she might decide that she wanted me in jail for hurting her, and I was not planning on going to jail any time soon.
"Redheart, stop it; we're in the hospital! What if somebody comes in and sees us?!"
She leaned down so that her face was right over mine and spoke in a voice that was little more than a whisper. "Let them see us."
"Redheart, I don't want this. If you do this, it'll be rape."
She put on an innocent look, like she didn't know what I was talking about. "Rape? It isn't rape if you like it."
"But I don't like it! I don't want to do this, please don't make me do this."
"So, you don't like this?" She pushed her hips roughly down on me and hit me on my man parts. I tried to fight it, but... Damn that felt good! I let out a groan, and she knew she had me. "Oohhh damn," I groaned. I did not want to, but I could not help it.
"See," She said, "now it isn't rape. You know you want this, just give in."
I was fighting it as hard as I could, but the feeling down below my waist was winning.
Is it really so wrong if it feels this right?
The damn voices in my head were against me now too!
Shut up, damn you!
You've always said the only way to get rid of temptation, is to give in. So why are you fighting it; just give in.
The voices was right; I did always say that...
Don't you want to feel good? Haven't you had enough pain in your life to allow some good in?
I did have a lot of pain... and I would like to have something that was good...
Just give in Django, you know you're going to hell anyways, so live it up while you can.
I did know that... But, I felt wrong about doing something like this with a species that looked like an animal.
You know you're going to do it at some point; why not sooner, rather than later?
I sighed inwardly. I was going to try one more time, then I was going to do something that I was probably going to regret later.
"Redheart, please," I begged. "Please don't do this."
She leaned back up into a position that allowed her more strength. "You know you want this Django; just stop fighting it. Don't worry, I promise it'll be all right."
I would always joke around with my friends about how guys were saying they got raped by a girl. I would always say that if a girl was going to rape me, that I would be fine with it. I would always laugh at how these guys in the news and on TV would act like little bitches when they were getting some. I would have thought that they would thank the girl, but they would go and say that they did not like it and felt horrible. I was always the guy saying that I would let the girl do what she was going to and then give her my number. Now I know what those men felt when it was happening. I was a tough guy who never showed any weakness... and I felt like I was going to start crying.
I knew that she would have me arrested for hurting her if I did not go along with this, but I was going to try to get some time to get my thoughts back together if I was going to play along.
"Fine," I said through clenched teeth. "I'll do it. But can we do it somewhere that's less... public?"
She thought for a second about it like it was a difficult question. She knew that she could say no and I would still have to do it.
"Please Redheart, I'm your friend. Let me get stronger so I can be... better." I said that like it hurt me- and it actually did hurt me in a way that most people would never understand. "Then I'll do whatever you want."
She leaned down over me again and gave me a light kiss. "Mmm, that sounds very tempting. But how do I know that you won't tell anypony about this?"
"I'm not a snitch; I've never been a snitch, and I'll never be a snitch."
She smiled at me like she was a lion looking at an injured deer that could not run away. "Fine, but I think you're strong enough for an early release."
"What?" I asked in an unbelieving tone.
"I'm going to file for you to be let out tomorrow, and then you'll come to my house and make good on your word. That means you have to cook me breakfast, and you'll do whatever I tell you to afterwards."
I felt like the strength to fight was just taken out of me. All I could do was nod in agreement.
"Good," she said. "I'll see you tomorrow morning." She then hopped off of my bed- and me- and trotted over to the door and out into the hallway.
I felt like I just sold my soul to the Devil, and I wished that I could take it back.
***
I am not sure how long I sat there with my head in my hands wishing that I was not so desirable among the pony folk, but when looked up when I heard a knock at the door, the sun was just barely visible over the horizon.
I looked over to the door and saw two regal figures approaching my bed. It was the two princesses of Equestria, Celestia and Luna.
"Hey girls, how's it goin'? Good I hope."
"Yes," Celestia said, "it has been fine in the way of things. But my sister and I are here to check up on you."
"We do apologize for doing you harm, young Django," Luna added. "We do hope that you can forgive us, and that we may become... friends."
She sounded hesitant when she said "friends", but I could understand why. If I shot a guy in the chest and nearly killed him, I am pretty sure he might not want to be friends with me afterwards.
"Don't worry Luna, you didn't know what that thing could do. It's my fault for not telling you what it was in the first place."
"You would forgive us? After nearly ending your life?"
"Of course Luna, I can't stay mad at you."
"Oh this is most wonderful news; we shall have to celebrate this occasion with a feast!"
She then reached over to hug me, but I flinched away to the other side of the bed. The two princesses were a little startled at my sudden reaction, but they were soon talking again.
"Are you alright Django?" Celestia asked, "You don't seem yourself."
I opened my mouth to answer, but no words came out. I tried to find the words, I tried so hard to just be able to say something, but I just could not. They must have known that something was wrong, because they both came right up to my bed and gave me worried looks.
"Did something happen?"
I shook my head.
"Are we not as forgiven as we first thought?"
I shook my head again.
"Do you need help with something?"
I started to shake my head, but I hesitated, and they noticed it.
Celestia reached a hoof over to me, and I flinched away again. But unfortunately, I was already on the side of the bed, so I hit the wall and could not go any farther.
"Django, what's wrong?"
I tried to speak again, but when I did, it came out in a harsh whisper. "I... just don't like to be touched."
She drew back her hoof and went silent for a while. The silence in the room was deafening, and I almost wished there was a gunshot, or a dropping glass to break the silence.
"Do you wish for us to leave?" asked Luna.
I felt like I could breathe again after that damned quiet was gone. "I... I don't know. I feel like I want to be alone, but I don't want you to leave. It's so fucking confusing, and my head hurts, and it's too hot in here, and I want to leave this damn hospital, and I'm getting angry, and I feel like I want to fucking beat something to death!" I started out in a quiet voice, but by the end I was speaking in a mixture of a growl and a yell.
They did not know what to say to that, so they just stood there without saying anything. I knew I should not have yelled at them, they did not do anything, but I was just too angry at the moment to care.
"I just need to vent some things, I'm sorry for yelling at you, it's not your fault."
"Don't worry Django," Celestia said in a soft voice. "I'm sure it's stressful being on an alien world. I know I'd be worried about too many things to keep track of."
"I'm so sure," I said in a sarcastic tone. "Because it's not like you have insanely powerful magic, or can fly, or can do things that I can only dream of."
She laughed a little at that. "Yes, I do have some edges that you might not."
I raised an eyebrow at her. "Some?"
"Okay, I have a lot of edges that you might not."
We all got a small laugh out of that, and I actually forgot about my current troubles.
I liked the two princesses; they were fun to talk to, and they were not all stuck up like most important people are. They know how to talk to people like me, they were really bright, they were kind and caring, and they were not afraid to tell you exactly what they thought. The two of them are actually a lot like me now that I think about it.
"I'm glad to see you haven't lost the ability to laugh Django. I heard that you were having some trouble with being cooped up in here."
I rubbed my fingers over my beard in thought. It was really getting out of control, and I would have to get a shave soon. But I was getting off topic with my thoughts, and Celestia and Luna were with me and wanted to talk.
"To tell the truth, I hate hospitals, and I hate not being able to leave a place, and I hate people looking at me, and I really hate people touching me. So not being able to leave a hospital and constantly having doctors and nurses looking at me and touching me gets on my nerves like you wouldn't believe."
They both looked at each other with amused looks on their faces, then back to me.
"We can understand your woe, young Django," Luna said.
"Yes, I'm sorry to hear that this situation is something that you find trouble with," Celestia added.
"Yes," Luna said, "but we hear that you're being released this day."
I blinked in puzzlement.
what...?
"No, I'm being released tomorrow morning; I still have a day in here." I pointed out the window for them to see. "See; it's going to be night soon, and tomorrow I get out."
"What are you talking about?" asked Celestia, "It's almost eight in the morning."
"What?! I was awake all night?!" I jumped out of my bed and ran over to the window. "How can it be morning already?!"
I turned around to see them both giving me surprised expressions. They had obviously thought that I could keep track of time just fine... they were wrong it seems.
"You seem surprised Django; did you not see the sun set yesterday? Did you not see the moon rise last night?"
I shook my head quickly. "No! I was, um... distracted..." In truth I was busy trying to come up with any ideas to get out of my situation with Redheart. But I was not a snitch, and I was not going ot tell them anything.
"What was so distracting that you couldn't sleep Django?" Celestia asked.
I walked back over to my bed and sat down with a sigh.
I was not going to tell them the truth, but I had to say something. It is a good thing I am a master at talking my way out of situations like this. I could get out of this no problem if I played it right.
"I was distracted by, um, uh... I was... hmm..."
Come on, think damn it!
"The, uh... the... beds, uh, yeah, that's it! The beds were really uncomfortable, and I was distracted by all the, uh... uncomfortableness..."
They did not buy it.
"Really! The beds here are terrible! I bet if you ever slept on one of them, you'd have back pains for a week!"
They still did not buy it.
"If you don't believe me, come over here and lay down on the bed. I'm sure you'll start to feel the terrible aching immediately."
At this point, I did not think they would ever buy it.
"You... don't believe me, do you?"
"No," they both said at the same time.
I did not know what else to do. My speech skills failed me, I could not tell them the truth, and I was sure they would know if I lied to them. So I did the only thing I could think of doing... "Can you two get me a doctor; I'm starting to get a real painful feeling in my chest."
They both eyed me critically, but before they could do or say anything, a voice behind them interrupted our little chat.
"Django, it's time for you to come with me."
I could feel a little chill run the length of my spine. Nurse Redheart was here, and she was here for me.
"Uh, okay then Redheart," I said in a downcast voice. "I'm coming."
I pushed myself up from my bed and walked past the two princesses over to the door, and I could feel their eyes burning a hole in my back. Nurse Redheart was waiting for me with a smile on her face that a snake might have if it were trying to convince a field mouse that it was a friendly snake and would not eat it.
We walked down the halls of the hospital together to the front desk in the lobby. I signed myself out and waited for Redheart to punch out her time card. There were a few of my clothes waiting for me on the way out though, so it was not completely horrible. But the clothes that I was wearing now made things worse in the ways of people giving me odd looks. I was in a baggy white T-shirt, with my cargos and boots, but I was wearing my "tool" belt again, along with my choker. The choker I did not really mind, because I actually planned on keeping it on anyways, but the belt was something I was debating on tossing out.
"So," I said, "where did this T-shirt come from?"
"Rarity made it for you, but she didn't have your measurements, so she could only guess at what fit you."
I nodded my head slowly. "Yeah, that sounds like something she'd do."
She took a step closer to me so every time she took a step she would bump up against me. "So," she said in a sultry voice, "are you looking forward to it as much as I am?"
I thought it best if I just play along and not make it any worse than it was by getting her angry. "Oh yeah," I said with fake enthusiasm, "I can hardly wait."
She seemed to believe me, and I was glad to see it.
We walked for about five or six minutes, but it felt like forever. When we finally arrived at her home and walked up the front steps, I felt like I was walking up to the executioner's chopping block.
She opened the door and let me inside, she then closed- and locked- the door behind us. "The kitchen is over there," she said, pointing a hoof at an open doorway to my left, "You can start on breakfast so we'll have plenty of energy for later."
I nodded and walked into the kitchen. Whenever I was cooking everything else melted away, so I was glad to be in front of a stove again.
I opened her pantry and saw that I had everything I would need to make my "Django Breakfast Special". I grabbed what I would need and set it out on my work space, then I looked around for where she kept her pots and pans. After a few seconds of looking I found them and was able to start up breakfast. I first started mixing the pancake batter, then I seasoned the eggs, then I did all the other little things that I can not say or somebody might try to copy my secret recipe.
***
It took me about thirty minutes to finish up breakfast for the two of us, and I was amazed by how I did not seem to have one negative thought the whole time I was cooking.
I set the table and cleaned up the cookware I used. Just as I finished washing my hands after the last pan was clean Redheart came trotting in. She took a deep breath and could smell that breakfast was ready.
"Wow Django, that smells great."
I smiled at the compliment to my cooking. "Well, I'm good at what I do."
She got a wry smile and stared at me seductively. "I'm sure you are, and you'll have a chance to show just how true that is when breakfast is over."
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.
Damn, I almost forgot that was happening.
I sat down across the table from her and started eating. When she took her first bite, her reaction was much like Twilight's. It was not any less amusing, and I wondered if I could get that out of all of the ponies around here.
It took us about ten minutes to clear our plates, and then I went over and washed those as well. I had always heard that a woman loved a man that could cook, and loved a man that would clean even more. I am the best cook I know, and I always clean up after I am done, so I must be one hell of a catch.
"That was the most amazing breakfast I've ever had! I had no idea that Twilight was so right when she was describing your cooking."
I always liked being complimented on my cooking skills, so her words brought a small smile to my face.
"But come upstairs with me, and I'll show you something even better."
The smile disappeared from my face, and was replaced with a grim look. I did not let her see me like that though, so I plastered a fake smile on, and followed her to what I was guessing would be her bedroom.
Why am I being so negative about this? She's cute, she's nice, and she's givin' it away!
I was trying to convince myself that this was not as bad as it was the whole way there.
I bet I could get her to do anything I want. That would be pretty fun, and it it would keep me out of jail.
My tactic was not working.
Okay, once I do this, I can leave, take a shower, and forget this ever happened. I can count this off and... I'll only need to do it six more times... DAMN!
I decided that I was going to try something else.
If I don't do this, then I'm going to jail. I don't want to go to jail. Doing this keeps me out of jail. I refuse to go to jail.
That did not really help either.
I did not have any more time to try to convince myself I was not doing something that I really should not be doing because we entered her bedroom. I looked around and saw that it was not too different from a bedroom I would see from a girl back on Earth. She had a mirror, a few pictures, and other things that are common for bedrooms of women.
She hopped up onto the bed and waved me over with a hoof. I walked slowly over to her, and sat on the corner of the bed farthest away from her when I reached it.
She gave me a seductive look and scooted closer to me. I tried to flinch away, but I was on the corner of the bed as it was, and I would only fall off.
"Are you afraid of me Django?"
I shook my head. "No, that's not it."
She came closer to me, so that she was only a few inches from me. "Are you worried that you won't be good enough?"
I shook my head again. "No, I'm pretty confident that I'm up to snuff."
She came closer, so she was leaning up against me, looking into my eyes. "Then why are you having issues with this?"
It took me a few seconds to answer. I tried to word my answer as best I could, and I think I did a good job of it. "I'm... not sure if... it would be acceptable where I'm from to... have an inter-species relationship, is all."
She put a hoof up to my face and stroked along my jaw line gently as she answered. "But you're not where you're from anymore, so it doesn't matter. You can do whatever you wanted to do on your planet without having to worry about what people would think anymore."
My thoughts were completely scrambled after that. I had said things like that to Ms. Francis, but I never thought about it like this.
Oh shit, I thought, She's right! It doesn't matter if I do this, nobody's here to tell me it's wrong!
That made me feel better about the whole thing except on one level. She still looked like an animal on Earth, and I do not know if it would be bestiality or not. I was thinking about it so hard I did not even notice what Redheart was doing, but when I did, my eyes nearly popped out of my skull.
She had her head on my lap, and was pulling down my zipper with her teeth!
I gently pulled her head away and started to try again at convincing her to not having me go through with this.
"Redheart, wait I-" But I got no further, for she put a hoof to my lips and cut off the flow of words coming out.
"Shh, don't be scared," she said quietly, "nothing's going to hurt you."
But nothing along the lines of what she had planned happened there that night. Nothing happened, because at that moment, a blindingly bright light appeared in the center of the room and a large figure appeared in the center of it- no, not a large figure, but six smaller figures.
"STOP RIGHT THERE!"
It was a voice with the volume to shatter windows and knock down doors. It was a voice full of power and strength. It was the voice... of Twilight Sparkle.
The light faded away and left the six most famous ponies in Equestria standing in the center of Redheart's bedroom.
"Stop what you're doing Redheart, this is against Equestrian law, and you know it!"
We both could do nothing but stare at the six of them in a state of shock.
"Django, come with us, we're going to get you out of here," Twilight said.
I broke out of my stupor and looked at them. I could not believe my luck; I did not have to do this!
I looked over to Redheart. "Sorry sweetheart, I don't think we're gonna work out; but we can still be friends, yeah?"
I did not wait for an answer, I got up and walked over to them. There was another flash of light and we were away, leaving a very confused Redheart behind us.
***
We arrived at Twilight's library when the teleportation spell was complete. I walked over to a secluded corner and quickly zipped up my pants before any of them could see me.
I turned to face them so I could start giving my thanks, but I never got the chance. I was tackled to the ground by a blur of purple, pink, white, orange, yellow, and cyan.
"Are you alright?!"
"Did she hurt ya?!"
"Do you want a party to cheer you up?!"
"Did that brute defile you?!"
"Are you going to, um, be okay?"
"Do you want me to go pound her?!"
I did not know what was going on, or who to answer first, so I did the only thing I could think of: I wrapped my arms around all of them in a great big bear hug. "Thank you girls, thank you all so much!" I let them go and stood up because I did not much like laying on the floor- who knows what kind of germs could be there? "Thank you, thank you all. I'm so glad you got me out of there." But then I had a thought. "Girls, how did you know what was going on? How did you know where I was?"
I heard Fluttershy clear her throat. "Well, um, I was going to visit you in the hospital, but I heard you talking with Redheart. I wasn't eavesdropping, I swear! But, um, I heard what you where saying, and what she wanted to do with you, and that you didn't want to. I wasn't sure what to do, so I came over here and told Twilight, and she came up with the plan to rescue you."
Wow, I thought, that was the most I've ever heard her say in... well, ever.
"Really? Well, I'm glad that you did save me from that. No offense to Redheart, but I'm not so sure that I wanted something like that to happen to me."
Twilight spoke up. "Django, why didn't you tell somepony what was going on? They would have told the authorities and gotten you help."
"I'm not a snitch," I said. "I've never been a snitch, and I'll never be a snitch."
They all just shook their heads at me. I could see that they were all about to start up again, but I cut them off.
"Listen, I'm tired, I'm emotionally spent, I'm pretty sure I'll be scarred for life... again. I need to seriously think some things over, and I just want to take a shower, curl up in a little ball on my bed, and go to sleep. We can talk more in the morning, but for now... good night."
With that I walked down into the basement, took a nice, hot shower, said hi to Lewis, Tyrence, and T-boy, and went over to the sleeping area and collapsed into my bed with a head full of questions that only I could answer.
Maybe sleeping will bring some answers my way...
But I thought no more that night, for sleep took over my mind and body, and I got some well deserved rest.
I had no dreams that night, and I was not really surprised that I did not. I was too tired to care about dreams though, the only thing that could go through my mind was the need to sleep. I had been up for almost thirty hours, and I was damn tired. Normally thirty hours was not that much, but when you have been through something like what I went through, it feels like a lot more.
When I woke up the sun was already high in the sky and I was the only one in the basement.
Where did those idiots get to?
I got up and went through my morning routine and headed upstairs. Now, I do not know what you might expect when you wake up in the basement of a magical, talking pony from a TV show, but I will bet you it was not what I saw. There, in the front room of the library, was the six ponies that had saved me from Redheart's house, "The Mane Six", both of the princesses were there too, and all of my classmates.
"If this is an intervention you can save your breath, I don't have a problem, I can quit whenever I want," I said.
That only made everyone who could understand me raise an eyebrow.
"Oh, is that not what this is?"
"No," said Celestia, "it's not, but that makes me think there's something I should know about what you do in your free time."
I wisely chose to change the subject. "So, what's all this about then?"
Celestia started to answer me, but Luna cut in. "The final preparations for your friends' cremation have been arranged. We were planning on having the ceremony this afternoon."
I had forgotten about the funeral pyre that I had asked them to set up. I needed to be there, I could not just ignore this.
"Where is it being held?" I asked.
I heard Twilight clear her throat, obviously wanting to get in a word or two.
"Well, we've set it up on the edge of the park, near the Ever Free Forest. I planned on everypony saying a few words and then we would all go for something to eat. After that Pinkie has a party planned that should get all of our moods up out of the dark. After that we should have enough time to talk about them in a positive light, and be ready for bed before ten o' clock. We can all sleep over in applejack's barn to keep each other company since it has the most room out of all of our homes."
I nodded as I went over the plan in my mind. I would make a few changes, but it was an acceptable plan overall.
"Okay then, I'll say a few words, but I want them to be translated so I don't have to say them twice. Can one of you do that?" I asked, pointing to the princesses, and saw them nod. "Good, then I think everything is all set."
The ponies all talked about what they thought the funeral might be like, since they have never been to a Human one. While they did that I broke out my cards and all of us Humans played a few hands of Black Jack. Since dollars held no value here, we bet those, and I- as the dealer of course- was taking everything.
The talking from the ponies died down a bit, but that did not matter, I was in the middle of taking all of my friends' cash. I had almost all the money so far, and nobody else at the table had more than two bills left.
The talking had all but stopped, and now I was wondering what the silence was about. I looked up from our game and nearly fell back as I came close to bumping my head into Luna's. "What are you doing?!"
She looked a little embarrassed, but not so much as before- when I had first gotten back from Canterlot. "We noticed your activity, and we were intrigued by it."
I was a little surprised by her answer. "Really now? Don't you have anything like this in Equestria?"
"No, we have never seen something like this before."
"Nor have I," added Celestia.
I looked to my side and saw that Celestia was standing close by, also watching the game. Actually, all of them were watching the game with interest. I could not believe that they did not have gambling in Equestria.
"I can't believe you don't have gambling here," I said. "It seems like one of those things that's everywhere."
"Oh we have gambling in Equestria," said Celestia. "But we don't have anything like this."
"Then what do you gamble? Odds?"
"That is correct," said Luna. "Ponies from all around Equestria travel to the grand city of Las Pegasis to bet their bits."
I thought it was funny that every city in Equestria was a play on words for a city on Earth. For Manhatten, there's Manehatten, for Philadelphia, there's Fillydelphia, for San Francisco, there's San Franciscolt. The list goes on, and on, but I did not plan on comparing names all day.
"Well if any of you are interested, I can teach you how to play some of the games I know later. But for now, I think it's time we said our final goodbyes to our friends."
They all nodded sadly and gave us room to clean up the cards. I pocketed my winnings and my cards, then went over and explained what was going to happen to my classmates. "Listen guys, they set up a funeral pyre for Ramon and Shawn; we're going to be sending them off today. I want you all to act like you have a brain in those thick skulls of yours."
"Wait," Lewis said, "why aren't we burying them?"
"Because," I said, "it wouldn't be right trapping them on an alien world. I think it would be best if they were cremated."
"So when are we gonna burn 'em?" Tyrence asked.
"We're going out to the site in a few minutes."
"But why are we gonna burn them here?" ask T-boy, "Why don't we wait till we get back home?"
"Because," I said slowly, "I don't know when we're going home."
They were quiet for a time, and I knew what they were thinking. I had no idea when, or even if, we were going home. That was a slightly scary thought, but I would talk to them about it later, right now, we had a funeral to get to.
***
It took us about five minutes to walk to where we were going, but I did not care, I was too busy thinking about things. When we did get there though, I was not disappointed by the pyre, that is for sure. It had to be at least ten feet tall, and eight feet across. It was more than enough to send the two on top out.
There was a huge crowd a ponies surrounding the entirety of it, except for a spot right in front of it where we would be. I could see all of the townsfolk looking at us nervously, probably wondering what to do, or what to say. I just hoped they would not say anything and I could get out of here. I did not like being out in the open and having all these people staring at me.
We took our place at the front of the pyre, and watched Celestia and Luna walk up to a podium right next to it. They had a few papers that they were looking over, then they started giving what I could only assume was an "I'm sorry" speech.
"Today we gather here, in front of this pyre, to give two young men a funeral in the way that is custom to their world," Celestia started, "I cannot apologize enough for what they have lost, so I will do the only thing I can. I will have a person they knew and trusted give them their final goodbyes." She looked over to me with a sad expression on her face. "Django, would you please come and say something?"
I nodded and walked over to the undersized podium to begin my speech. As I looked out over the crowd of ponies waiting to hear my words, I realized something. I was not supposed to be doing this; I was just a kid. Why should a kid have to be doing things like this? It should not be my responsibility to be a leader of my species on another world, and it should not be my responsibility to be in charge of the thing that was happening right there and then. But even though it should not be, it was my responsibility, and I would have to accept it. I took a deep breath and and looked over to the two princesses and signaled that they should begin the translation.
"Their names were Ramon and Shawn," I started, "and they were my friends. They're on top of this pyre by nobodies fault; it was only by a run of bad luck that they had their lives taken from them. I'm sad to say it, but I will, they were in the wrong place at the wrong time. I know it's always easier to be able to blame something or somebody for everything bad in life, but this time, I don't think the blame falls to anybody. I know I'm not the right person for this kind of thing, and there are countless other people that could do way better than me, but I'm going to give them a send off that only a friend could give." I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. "I'm going to miss them, I'm sure we all will, but there's nothing we can do for them now but honor their memories. I'm sure that they're in a better place now than they were on Earth, but not because they were angels, but because I'm not sure that it could get much worse, and I'm glad that they can finally find peace, and rest." I then took out the silver zippo lighter that I took from my pack and lit it. "So I say this now, to friends and enemies alike," I lowered the lighter in front of my face, "May you finally find peace from life, in death." With that I lowered the lighter to the base of the pyre and set it ablaze.
I walked back to the small crowd of Humans and watched the fire rise from the bottom to the top and quickly consume the entire pyre. The pillar of flame and smoke was massive, and the ponies all had to back off to a safer distance, but not us. We stood close enough to the fire that we could feel the intense heat, and smell the bodies of our friends burn. None of us said anything the whole time, we did not feel like we had the right to. So we just stood there in silence for hours watching the fire.
Such an odd thing, fire. It is so pretty, yet so deadly. It can hypnotize you into thinking that you are safe and cozy, then it will kill you when you are not paying attention. It promises safety and warmth from the cold and darkness, but then it tricks you into thinking that it is something to be trusted. You can never trust fire, and fire never trusts you. Such an odd thing, fire...
"Django, you can't stay this close to the fire, you'll be hurt!"
I looked over to see Twilight and her friends looking at us all with worried looks.
"Why should I move away? The fire is warm, and makes me feel cozy."
They got even more worried looking after I said that.
I looked back into the heart of the fire, where it was burning white hot.
"I bet it's even better inside of the fire," I said in a slow voice. "Don't you?"
I think she was going to say something else, but I did not hear her over the roaring flames as I walked closer towards the pyre. I looked back to see my friends, Humans and ponies alike, staring at me in horror. I was only a foot or so from the giant flame, and something inside of me was telling me to go closer.
I bet it's like a brand new blanket in there...
I took a step closer, then another, then another. I was sure that I could be inside of it in just one more step, but I did not get the chance to find out. I felt something slip around my stomach and tighten up enough to hurt me. I was then pulled back away from the fire and landed on my back right at the hooves of Applejack.
"Are ya crazy?! What was goin' through yer head?!"
I looked up into her face and saw that she was close to tears. I had made her this way, and I was not sure how.
I should say something to her...
"Do you know why it is that a raven is like a writing desk?"
She looked at me like I had just lost my mind, and I think I might have. "What?"
For some reason her answer sounded like the funniest thing that I had ever heard in my life. I started laughing so hard that it hurt my sides, and I ended up coughing from the fire making my throat dry. I saw the people around me exchange worried looks, and then they dragged me away from the fire by the rope that I just now noticed was around my stomach. I coughed for a bit after I was away from the fire, but afterwards I was fine.
"Django, are you okay?! Why were you going into the fire?! You could have been killed! You would have been killed!"
I looked over to the voice yelling in my ear and saw a teary-eyed Twilight Sparkle. I also saw that my friends from Earth were standing around me too. I did not know what to tell them, I did not know what I could have told them. "I- I guess I sort of lost it for a second there."
Twilight could not hold back her tears any longer, she started crying a river and lunged forward to hug me. She buried her head in my chest and wept, and I was not sure what I should do. After a while though, I knew I had to do something, so I did the only thing I could think to do. I put my arms gently around her and pulled her closer to me, then I craned my neck so that my head was right next to hers.
"Don't worry," I whispered into her ear, "I'm not leaving you, not ever." Then I gripped her firmly in my arms in a hug that was neither too strong, nor too weak. "Don't cry Twilight, I'm here for you." I could no longer here her sobbing, but she was still shaking in my arms. I took one hand away from the embrace so I could run my fingers through her mane. After a few strokes she stopped shaking and I could here her sniffing slightly. "It's okay Twilight, everything's going to be okay. There's no need to cry, everything's going to be fine."
She took her head from my chest and looked into my eyes. She was genuinely scared that I was going to be hurt. I was surprised that she cared this much for me, and I have only been here for about a week. I looked back into her eyes and saw true feelings there.
"I'd never leave you Twilight, never forever."
Then she did something I did not expect. She leaned forward and kissed me, right there in front of everybody. In front of her friends, in front of my friends, in front of the two princesses, even in front of the whole town!
It was not like the kiss from Cherry, or from Redheart. There were true feelings behind it, not just lustful intentions. I was about to push her off, but then I felt that the kiss was not... unpleasant. She had a sort of sweet taste to her, and she was a surprisingly good kisser. But what got me was that her lips did not feel like I thought they would- not that I think about that kind of thing... Really! But I swear to you, they felt exactly like a Human's lips.
I started to push her off, but I felt like I was peeling off a piece of myself, and it hurt me, inside. So I did the only other thing that I could do in that situation: I kissed her back. We sat there like that for what felt like ages, until we heard a polite cough off to our side.
We broke the kiss, but did not look over to where the sound came from, instead we seemed to be trapped in each others eyes. I was captivated by the gentle lavender light that her eyes seemed to be radiating at that moment, and she was lost in the darkness that my good eye held inside, and the oblivion that my dead eye created.
"I'm sorry to interrupt," said a voice I recognized to be Celestia's, "but I think it's time to head to Sugar Cube Corner for some dinner."
We were broken out of our stupor at the same time, and we both saw what we were doing at the same time.
"Uh, wow Twilight, I didn't know, um..." I trailed off, not knowing what to say.
"I'm glad that, um, you're okay Django. I was, er, really worried..." She was a bit lost for words too.
I looked away from her to glare at me friends. "If you say anything, I'll rip your god damn tongues out!"
She turned to her friends at the same time as I turned to mine. "I don't want to hear one word!"
We both turned to look at one another very quickly and shared an unsure smile, then we got up and followed the crowd to Sugar Cube Corner to get our dinner. But I was not hungry, and from the look on Twilight's face, neither was she.
***
Dinner was uneventful, and I was glad for it. I only ate a little bit, and only had to knock out one of my friends the whole time, so it was an okay way to spend an evening. But I did not want to be here. I hated crowded areas, and I really needed to talk to Twilight about what happened back in the park.
"That speech was so great Django."
"Yeah, I was almost crying."
I was talking to the two pegasi sisters Flitter and Cloudchaser. They both had a light grey coat color with bright eyes and mane styles that looked more like a statement than anything else.
I nodded my thanks at the two mares standing in front of me. "thank you, that means a lot."
"You must be a public speaker where you're from with skills like those."
"Oh there's no way he isn't. I bet he's famous for his speeches."
I really wanted to get away from these two before something bad happened. I knew it was going to happen because I had the feeling I get in my gut whenever something bad is about to happen.
"Well, I'm sure that there's a few people who will remember me for my words."
They both smiled at me and came a little closer to me, and I immediately took a step back, but I did not realize that my back was to a wall, so I hit solid boarding and could not go any farther.
"We were so touched by your words that we want to thank you by making you feel the same way."
"Yeah, we want to make you feel 'touched', and maybe even more."
They both giggled at her pay on words, but I did not. I felt like I was a rat in a trap. There was a table to my left, and a giant, chocolate statue of the two princesses to my right. I was going to have a hell of a time getting out of this, but I was going to get out of it one way or another.
"That's enough you two; leave him alone."
They both turned around, and I looked past them to see Twilight standing there with an annoyed look on her face. The two of them tried to look defiant, but turned tail and bolted when she lit up her horn and aimed it at them.
"Thanks for the save Twi'," I said as I let out a breath that I did not know that I had been holding in, "I appreciate it."
"You're welcome Django, I'm always happy to help."
There was an awkward silence between the two of us for a short time before I decided that it was an issue that had to be addressed.
"Listen, Twilight, about what happened back in the park, I-" but she cut me off before I could finish.
"It's okay Django, I know that you don't want to have a relationship with an alien. I just hope that we can still be friends."
She then turned to leave me, but I grabbed her by her tail and pulled her closer to me, and spun her around at the same time. She was a little startled, but I did not care, I had something to say and she was going to listen.
"Twilight, that's just the thing. I didn't... not, like it..."
Her eyes widened and a smile slowly started spreading across her face. "You mean-"
"Yes."
"So you-"
"Yes."
"And we can-"
"Yes damn it, yes! Now stop asking questions, it's giving me a headache."
She looked overjoyed at my news, and jumped up to hug me around my neck, but since she was a lot shorter than me I had to go on one knee so she could reach. She was extremely happy, and I was feeling pretty good myself.
When she let go she started to say something else, but was cut off by the crowd.
"D'aaaaawwwwww."
We both looked around us to see that the entire party was looking at us like we were the most interesting thing in the world.
I shot a death glare at the crowd and looked back to Twilight. I saw that she had a slightly embarrased look on her face from the crowd seeing us like this.
We walked away from the staring eyes of the crowd and over to a more secluded area of the room. I did not want to talk to her in from of all those people. They were staring at me, and I did not like that.
"Hey Twi'," I said, "You wanna cut dinner short and head out?"
She got an uncertain look on her face and I could tell what she was thinking.
"Nothing like that, I just want to talk a bit with you about some things, that's all."
"Oh," she said, sounding relieved, "sure, we can go back to the library and talk abut it. I had a few things I wanted to talk to you about too."
I nodded my head in an exaggerated manner and clapped my hands together. "'Tis settled then, we shall adjourn to the library, and there I shall make us both a fruity beverage whilst we discuss the things that vex us so."
She rolled her eyes at my impression of an olden times gentleman and trotted away from the party with me right behind her.
Once we were out of Sugar Cube Corner I took a bigger step than normal and was instantly at her side. It was easy enough to keep pace with her, since she had legs a lot shorter than mine. That, and I have a quick pace when I am walking.
"So," I began, "I've been wondering what happened to my Glock."
She looked at me with a curious look on her face. "Your what?"
"You know, the thing that nearly killed me."
"Oh," she said darkly, "I have it locked up in a chest up in my room. Why do you want to know?"
"Well... I'd like to get it back. It is mine you know."
She stopped in mid-stride, like she was just frozen in time. "What?! Why would you want something like that back after it nearly killed you?!"
I sighed at the idea of having to explain why I need it with me. I could just lie and say that it is important to me for some reason or another, but I thought that lying to her would be a bad move on my part. I would just tell her the truth as best I could.
"Well, it's important to me," I said. "I kinda need it."
"Why do you need something like that around?"
"It's... hard to explain." I took a moment to make sure I got the words right. "My Glock is to me, what your magic is to you. It's a part of me, and I'm not sure if I could really do without it."
"What do you mean 'it's a part of you'? I've seen you do fine without it before. Why do you need it now?"
I rubbed the back of my neck and thought if it was best to tell her or not. After a few seconds of thinking though, I decided that it would be better if she knew than if she did not.
"Twilight, let's get to the library before I tell you anything else; I don't want to be overheard by anybody who might be listening in on our conversation."
She looked at me suspiciously and walked up closer to me. "You better not be up to anything Django."
I help up my hands at shoulder high and smiled playfully at her. "Don't worry, I'm not trying to take over the world or anything, I swear."
We stared each other down for a few seconds before she backed up and we both laughed at ourselves.
***
We did not say anything else the whole way back to the library, but I wanted it that way. I did not trust the shadows, and I wanted to be sure that we were alone for what I had to say.
I walked into the kitchen and made us both a glass of apple flavored tea and sat her down at the table across from me.
"Listen Twilight, I'm about to tell you something that only three people in existence, including me, knows about. I need you to keep this a secret, from everybody."
She gave me a cautious look when I said that.
"I'm serious Twilight. If you ever tell anybody, I'll be in trouble, real trouble."
"What did you do exactly?" she asked cautiously.
I looked down at the table, and stared into the steam coming from my cup. It happened years ago, but I remember it like it had happened only a few seconds ago.
"You saw what the Glock could do, right?"
She nodded her head.
"Okay, now imagine that, but in somebodies head, and three shots, instead of just one."
Her eyes widened when she got the mental picture, and I did not blame her for getting that look. When it happened to me, I nearly threw up.
"I was walking over to my friend's house a while back when it happened. I should have waited for the rush hour traffic to come by, but I was stupid. He lived in a really bad area of East Cleveland, a part of town where you'd get shot just for the color of your skin."
She got an unbelieving look on her face, and I knew that that kind of thing did not happen here.
"Turns out, I wasn't really welcome in that part of town, and two local gangbangers thought that it was a good idea to make sure I knew that." I looked up into her eyes, and she she actually flinched away from the look I had. "One of them came at me with a knife, and I got into a fight with him. He wasn't trying to cut me, just trying to scare me, but I'm not the type to run away." I looked back down at the table and noticed that my cup of tea was shaking. "I got the knife away from him when he lunged forward and lost his balance. But his friend pulled a gun. He pointed it straight at me and told me to give back the knife and leave." I chuckled slightly at the memory of the fight. It was not funny to me, but something made me laugh anyway. "I did give it back. I gave it back to him right in his neck, and when he was bleeding out all over the ground I grabbed his gun and pointed it at the guy who had the knife. I made him get on his knees, and I put the gun right up to his head. He was just a kid, younger than me even. I knew it would be wrong to kill him, but right then, with me holding that gun to his head, I felt like the king of the world." I looked back at Twilight, but I could not meet her eyes, so I just stared past her, and looked at the wall of her kitchen. "I pulled the trigger, and then I did it again, and then I did it a third time. I killed them both, and it made me feel... good. Good that I wasn't the one on the ground, and good that the two of them were laying dead in the dirt."
I had to put an enormous amount of effort into it, but I managed to look Twilight in the eyes. "I took the knife and the gun and cleaned them off so nobody would know that I did it. I made it to my friend's house and we hung out like nothing had happened, and then I went home, took a shower, and went to sleep. I woke up the next day feeling like I was going to puke my stomach up, and took the day off from school. I spent the whole day with a garbage can next to me in case I did throw up, but I never did. I saw the two of them on the news too. Apparently some old homeless guy was there and saw me kill them, but he was too drunk to remember what I looked like. My friend figured it out after a while, and I make the third person who knows."
Twilight was staring at me with a look I could not quite read on her face, and I knew that everything she thought about me had just changed right then and there.
"If you want to think of me as a murderer Twilight, I won't blame you. But the reason I need my gun back is bacause of those two kids. I need it to remember not to lose control like that again. I might not get lucky and only have a drunken hobo as a witness next time. I don't plan on using it, but I need it to help me keep control, because sometimes, something else takes over. When that happens, people get hurt, and I get in trouble. If that happens here, I might get in more trouble than I would back on Earth; here, it might cost me my life, and I would rather not die."
When I finished there was a silence hanging in the room. Neither of us seemed to want to break it before the other, so we just sat there staring at each other for what seemed like hours.
After ages of that though, Twilight finally spoke up. "Why didn't you just let him go?"
I shook my head. "I don't know why I killed him. All I know is that I did, and I can never take that back."
She reached a hoof over the table and pulled my head around so she could look into my eyes. She seemed different somehow in that moment. She was dead serious, and I do not think I have ever seen her this way.
"Do you regret killing them Django?"
"If I could go back and do it again, I would have done it differently. I wish I could have a do-over, but I know that I can't."
She used her hoof to pull me closer to her, so my face was only inches away from her's.
"That's not what I asked. Do you regret killing them?"
I knew my answer, and I knew that I would have to tell her. She would be able to tell if I am lying or not. I am not sure how I knew that, but I knew that she would be able to.
I looked her straight in the eyes and wiped all the emotion from my face. When I did this people told me I looked like a serial killed, but I did it then so that she knew just how serious I was.
"No."
"Why?" she asked, "Why don't you regret doing something so horrible?" She sounded like she was getting worked up, and I knew that she wanted me to give a different answer.
"Because my world has enough problems without those two running around waving weapons everywhere."
She closed her eyes and let me go so I could lean back in my chair. But I did not lean back in my, I got up and walked around to her and put one arm around her and used the other hand to go through her mane.
"Twilight, I'm sorry if I'm not the person you thought I was, but I can't help things like that. It wasn't my choice that they tried to hurt me, and it wasn't my choice that it had to end violently." I took my hand away from her mane and gently gripped her jaw. "Twilight, I'm not the kind of person who looks for a fight. I don't try to hurt people, but things happen, and I can't stop them from happening. This is why I need it back Twilight, so I can remember not to hurt people like that again."
She opened her eyes and looked at me like she was going to cry. I hated seeing her like this, but I did not know what I could do to make it her feel better.
"If I give it back to you," she said in a strained voice, "will you promise not to use it?"
There was that word again. She wanted a promise, so I had to think about the words. After a short time I had them though; this was an easy one. "Twilight, if you give me back my gun, I promise that I won't kill anybody with it."
She smiled at me when she heard me promise not to kill anybody. She knew that I did not want to hurt any of the people of this world, but there was no doubting that she was afraid of what could be done with something as powerful as my gun.
She led me upstairs to her bedroom and showed me where the chest was that held my Glock. It was a sturdy looking chest and would probably be hard to break into, so that was good.
"Sit down on the bed while I get it for you; it'll only take a moment to get it unlocked."
I sat down on her bed and looked around the room. She had almost as many books up in her bedroom than she did in the actual library. She kept it insanely neat and organized and I was amazed at how far ahead she had planned her calendar.
"Here it is Django," I heard her say off to my side.
I looked over and saw her levitating the small box from my pack in her magic.
I reached for it, but she swung it to her side and away from me.
"That's not funny Twilight," I said in an annoyed voice.
I reached for it again, but she moved it just barely out of reach at the last second. I could not reach it sitting down anymore, so I stood up and took a step towards the floating box. But suddenly the box came flying at me and hit me in the chest hard enough to knock me on my back. Luckily for me I was not too far from Twilight's bed and had a soft landing. I started to get up, but something landed on top of me. I looked down to see the box that held my gun resting on my chest. I went to grab for it, but it was a trap. When I was distracted by the box, Twilight had jumped up onto the bed on the other side. When I looked up again, she was staring down at me with a smile on her face. It looked a little funny because she was the other way, so to me it looked like one of us was upside down.
"Twilight, what ar-" but she cut me off with a kiss.
It was a lot like the kiss from before. It was not bad, but I was not sure if I could call it good. It was pretty good by normal standards, but by my standards, it was an okay kiss. But I was not sure if I should even be thinking about this while she was kissing me. I should be pushing her off, but just like last time, something inside stopped me from separating us.
The kiss finally broke, but she was not done. She used her magic to pull me farther up onto the bed so that I was not hanging halfway off. She also turned me in mid-air so that we were pointing in the same direction.
I wanted to tell her to stop, to wait, to do something besides this, but before I could say anything, she was kissing me again.
It was a long and lingering kiss, but one that I did not dislike. I did not know if I could do this, but I was not sure if I even wanted to find out.
When the kiss finally broke, I grabbed her by her shoulders to stop her so I could speak again. "Twilight, what are you doing?!"
She leaned closer and whispered into my ear. "You are a good person Django, I know you are. I want to be with you, and this is how I want it to be."
I looked at her with an unbelieving expression. "Have you even done this before?"
She looked embarrassed when she answered. "Well, um, no. But I did read all about it in books, so I know what to expect and what to do."
I tried to get more words out, but she broke my grip and was on me again.
Her kissing me actually felt... good. More than good even, it felt amazing kissing her. But I did not want to admit that to myself until then. I have been afraid of what might happen if I did something like this, but right then, in that bed with Twilight on top of me, I do not think I could have care less about anything.
This kiss was different from the others. It was different because I kissed back, and I put my heart into it. I put my arms around her and pulled her closer to me so that she was right up against my body. I was lost in feelings of pleasure, happiness, but also a little bit of guilt. If I did this, what would she think when I left to go back home?
That thought made me stop. "Twilight, if we do this, what's going to happen when I leave?"
She looked deep into my eyes for a second before answering, but when she did answer, I almost wish she had not. "Are you going to leave Django?"
I started to answer, but I could not. I could not form words for some reason, and I did not even have the slightest clue why.
"If you stay here with me, you'll finally be happy."
I opened my mouth to answer, but she kissed me again, and my scrambled mind got even more mixed up. I do not think I have ever felt like this before, and she was the one who was making me feel that way. Was I really going to leave that? Could I?
But I lost the ability to form cognitive thought once a very familiar feeling below my belt started making itself known. My pants were getting tighter, and tighter in the front, and soon I would have to undo them so I would not be crushed.
Once the feeling got to be too much for me, I had to do it, I just could not fight it anymore.
"Twilight," I said breathlessly, "I need to unzip my pants; it's starting to hurt."
She smiled at me with a smile that could only be pulled off by a woman and got off of me so I could undo my belt and unzip my pants.
But something happened then, something I am not sure if I was grateful for, or angry at.
The door to the bedroom burst open and Twilight's five friends were standing there.
"Twilight, why di-" pinkie started, but stopped when she saw what was going on.
They all at once saw me and Twilight in bed. Me with my belt undone and my hands working at my pants zipper. Her with her mane all mussed up and a look of shock in both of our eyes.
We both opened our mouth to yell at the same time. "This isn't what it looks like!"
I sat in a chair in Twilight's kitchen with my head in my hands, and Twilight was in a chair next to me with an embarrassed look on her face. I could not believe that they had seen us. I could not believe that I was about to do something like that! I was just saying to Twilight that I have been trying to control myself since I got here. I was not able to control myself up in that bedroom, and if what was about to happen happened... I was not sure what kind of new trouble I would be in.
"What the hay were the two of ya thinkin'?! Did y'all even think about what might happen after ya did it?!"
Applejack was standing in front of us, yelling about how she could not believe that we would do something like that. None of them could really understand what had come over us, but Applejack was the only one who felt the need to be shouting it out loud enough for everybody within a two mile radius to hear her.
"I don't know what we were thinking," I said, "But why do you even care what we do?"
"I like Django, and I don't see why you're so angry at the two of us."
Applejack let out a frustrated sigh. "Y'all two are a different species. Doesn't that seem a little odd for ya to be sleepin' together?"
Me and Twilight exchanged a look, then we both answered Applejack at the same time. "Not really, no."
She had an unbelieving look on her face.
"Look," I said, "I like Twilight, a lot, and she likes me. It shouldn't matter what we look like if we want to be together. If you want to live by that kind of thinking, go ahead, but I don't like to think like that."
"Django's right Applejack, it shouldn't matter what we look like; we want to be together, and if you don't have anything good to say, then maybe you shouldn't say anything at all."
Applejack was about to continue to try and make us see things her way, but she was interrupted by a voice behind her.
"I think they're right Applejack."
We all looked to see Rarity step up and add her thoughts to the mix. "If somepony finds love, they should embrace it, not turn away from it simply because it looks different. I don't completely understand your choice of stallions Twilight, but you have my full support."
I smiled at Rarity warmly in gratitude. I did not always think that she was a person who would be my friend, but I was glad that I could call her a friend now.
"Yeah A.J., lighten up. It's not like they're gonna have a bunch of foals or anything. I don't really see what the big deal is."
Rainbow Dash had put her words in, and I was happy that they were supportive of me and Twilight.
"Um, Applejack, I agree with Rarity and Rainbow. I don't really see what the fuss is about if they're happy."
Fluttershy was also in support of us, and I was glad of it. She may be quiet, but she knows how to make words count.
"Yeah, and if they're together, I can throw a super, amazing, ultrariffic party for them! I can invite everypony, and we can have games, and cake, and balloons! It'll be so much fun!"
I should have known Pinkie Pie would be happy for us; she is happy about everything.
"Thanks for your support girls, I really appreciate it," I said.
"Yes, thank you all," Twilight added.
We all looked to Applejack, who was the only one of the bunch of us that still had a problem with it.
After being stared at by all of us for a time, she heaved a sigh and gave up. "Fine, I won't bother y'all anymore about it. But I still think you should at least know each other fer more than a week before doin' somethin' like that."
I looked at her, and could see in her eyes that she still had a problem or two about me and Twilight liking each other. "Don't worry Applejack," I said in a reassuring voice, "I'll still be happy to have a little fun with you if Twilight's willing to share me."
I saw the face Applejack was making, and looked around to see them all making the face as well. I was able to last a few more seconds before I lost my serious face and broke out into laughter.
"Hahahahaa, you should see the look on your faces! I can't believe you fell for that!"
They did not think it was funny, they did not think that it was funny at all.
"What are you," I said, "Simon Cowell? It was a joke; lighten up for fuck's sake!"
"Django," I heard Twilight say, "ponies are herd animals. It's not uncommon for a group of friends to share a stallion."
It took me a second to register what she had just said. "What?"
"What you just said isn't a joke around here, it's something that happens quite often. Since there aren't many stallions in Ponyville, a group of five or six mares can usually share one stallion."
Even though she said the same thing twice, I still had a hard time understanding it. "What?!"
"Listen Django, if you're in a relationship with me," Twilight said slowly, "there's a very big chance that you'll end up being in a relationship with all of us."
I was finally starting to understand what it was that she was saying. "What?!"
I looked around me to see all of them staring at me. I could not just be with Twilight. If I wanted her, then I had to hook up with all six of them.
Nothing can ever be easy, can it...?
"I'm sorry I didn't tell you Django, I've been so busy since you got here I just forgot I guess."
I needed time to think about this. I could not just come up with an answer to all of this instantly. "Twilight, I need to think about all this," I said. "I can't just make up my mind about a situation like this on the spot."
She looked away and bit her bottom lip, there was something else to this, and I needed to know what.
"Twilight, what aren't you telling me?"
"Well, there is something else I need to tell you."
I raised an eyebrow. "And that is...?"
"Since you said that you were still in school, I kind of... enrolled you in the local school system."
I looked at her in a way that a vegetarian might look at somebody who is eating a steak.
"What did you just say?" I asked her in a quiet voice.
"I, um, talked to Cheerilee about you and your friends going to classes in the afternoons. She's the local school teacher, and she said she'd love to teach you."
I could not believe her. I did not want to believe her. But I knew she was serious. She had set me up to go back to school. I hated school more than most other things in my life, and I thought that it would be a break from it since I was trapped here. But now I am supposed to go back, and I did not want to. Right then, I did not know whether I should go into a rage and smash everything around me, or just shut down.
"Django, I don't want you to fall behind in your studies. It's only for a few hours in the afternoon. You don't have to be there until ten o' clock, and you get out at two."
I was shaking, and I was pretty sure it was because I was as angry as I was. "Twilight, are you serious? Because if this is a joke, it's not funny."
She came up next to me and looked up into my eyes. She was upset, and in my normal state of mind, I would try to make her feel better. But I was furious, and my fury was directed straight at her.
"Please," she begged, "please don't hate me. I thought you would not mind, and it seemed like a good idea at the time. I did not know it would make you this angry."
There was too much going on at once, and I was starting to get a headache. First I have to be in a seven-way relationship to even have one girlfriend, and one of them does not even like the idea of an alien to this world being with a local inhabitant. Now, Twilight tells me I'm going to be going to school here while all of this is going on. It was too much for me to think about all at once, so I just did what I always do when I get myself into that kind of situation, I stopped thinking. "I'm going for a walk; I need some fresh air."
I pocketed my iPod, slung my pack over my shoulder and walked out the front door. Twilight and her friends may have called out for me, but I did not hear them, nor did I care. I put my headphones on and cranked up my music to the maximum volume and started walking down the street. I did not know where I was going, and it was dark out, so I had a little bit of trouble seeing where I was going.
I had on the music that I listen to when I am angry, which is usually dub step or heavy metal. I had even made a playlist for when I am angry, so I could listen to all of my favorite "pissed off" songs easily. The current song was right in the middle of a guitar solo, and the volume was even louder in this part than it was in the rest of the song. So that might explain why I did not hear somebody yelling out to me.
When it happened, it freaked me out a little bit, but I got over it pretty quickly.
I felt the ground under my feet one second, then suddenly, I could feel myself floating in mid-air.
"What the hell?!"
I thrashed about in the air for a few seconds before I fell to the ground and landed flat on my face. I then felt a tug on my head as my headphones were lifted off by an unknown force.
"Are you alright?" I heard a voice ask. It had a slightly British accent to it, and sounded a little posh, like a rich person might sound.
"Oh dear, Vinyl, I think he's hurt!"
I looked up to see a pair of gently shaded light purple eyes staring into my face. I knew those eyes from somewhere, but I could not remember where exactly.
"Oh dude, I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to drop you on your face like that."
I looked over to see four white legs standing next to me. I looked up those legs to see a face with bright red eyes and hair that was striped with a dark blue, and a lighter, neon blue, and a pair of purple goggles resting on top of that same head head.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?!"
The pony took a step back from me when I growled that out at her.
"Hey look, I'm sorry about dropping you on your face. You don't need to get all angry though."
I was about to respond with a threat to her life, but then I recognized her for who she was. "Whoa, wait a minute, you're Vinyl Scratch!"
I looked back to the set of eyes I had seen earlier. "And you're Octavia!"
I shot straight up to my feet and I knew I had a stupid fan-boy grin on my face, but I did not care.
"I'm a huge fan of you two! I listen to all of your music!"
They both gave me strange looks.
"You're familiar with my work?" Octavia asked me.
"Yeah, you're the best cellist I've ever heard!"
She looked surprised, but also flattered. "Thank you, I always like being complimented on my work."
"Hold on," I heard Vinyl say. "So you listen to her music, and my music?"
I nodded. "Yeah, you're both seriously awesome."
They both looked surprised that I knew who they were, but at the same time, they seemed to like the idea that they were known on other planets.
"You know about us where you're from?" Vinyl asked.
"Yeah, a bunch of folks know about you two. I have a bunch of music about the two of you on my iPod, a couple of videos about you doing cool stuff like saving Ponyville, and even a few fics about you two on my computer back home."
I heard Octavia speak up. "You have 'fics' of us?"
Uh oh, I think I said too much.
"Uh, yeah, you know, stories about different situations, and things like that..."
They both eyed me like I was a prisoner they were interrogating. I was starting to get the feeling that something bad was about to happen, so I had to change the subject, and fast.
"So Vinyl, why did you slam me on my face anyways?"
She got a slightly embarrassed look, and I knew I had won this little battle with fate.
"Well, I could hear your music playing all the way across the street, and I wanted to know what kind of headphones you were using."
I crossed my arms over my chest and raised an eyebrow. "And you thought the best way to ask me what brand my headphones are was to smack my face into the road?"
"Well, I was just going to levitate you over to us so I could ask you, but then you started freaking out, and 'Tavi here broke my concentration to get you down."
Now it was Octavia's turn to look embarrassed.
"Well I only did that because I thought you might get hurt, or were afraid of heights."
"Right..."
"Honestly, I was only thinking about your safety."
"And the best way to do that is to turn my face into a pebble holder?"
"I... I have an idea. Why don't you come with us and let us buy you a drink. Then we can call it even?"
I stared at them like I had just won the argument, and in truth, I had. "A drink? How about a lot of drinks?"
They looked at each other in a surprised manner, then back to me.
"Fine," said Vinyl, "we'll buy you all the drinks you want, as soon as you come to the club with us."
Octavia looked to Vinyl with a shocked expression, but Vinyl winked at her, and she soon gained a small smile.
"Yes, once you're in the club, we'll buy you all the drinks you can handle."
Something was up, and I wanted to know what, but I wanted to get myself some free drinks even more. "Fine, let's get going then."
***
It took the three of us about five minutes to get to the club they were talking about. It was a decent sized building, and I could hear lively music coming out of it. It looked like a pretty good place to be on a Saturday night.
We walked up to the entrance, and they went in, but when I tried to go in though, I was stopped by a female bouncer to the side of the door.
"No stallions aloud; go find someplace else if you're thirsty."
I looked over to Vinyl and Octavia to see them smirking at me.
"Oh, sorry dude, I forgot to tell you, they don't allow stallions in this club."
"Yes, I'm terribly sorry, but we'll have to get you those drinks another time."
Those sneaky little...
They wanted to play that game, huh? Well I am not just a player, I invented it.
"So let me get this straight, no stallions are allowed to come into the club?"
The bouncer nodded at me.
"So then I'm allowed in."
All three of the mares standing near me gave me odd looks.
"Well, by definition, a stallion is a male equine, and I'm not an equine, I'm a Human. Therefore, I'm allowed inside, because the term 'stallion' does not apply to me definitively. So if you turn me away, it would not only be a crime against race, but a crime against another species. Do you know what that might do? It could start a war, cause you to have to close down, any number of things. So instead of all of that happening, why don't you just let me inside, you know, since I'm not a stallion by definitive, technical, or literal standards?"
By the time I had finished my little argument about why I should be let in, the bouncer had a look of pure confusion on her face. "Uh, okay, I guess..."
She stepped to the side and let me walk past. I walked straight up to the two mares I had walked here with and gave them a smug smile. "If you want to play that game, play it with somebody on your level. Now, how about we get some drinks?"
They gave me cold glares, but they walked me over to the bar and ordered a round of drinks like they said they would.
I got my cup and noticed that it was not a beer, it was a shot, and the small cup had a symbol that resembled the Jager label.
I picked it up and I downed it in one gulp. "Wow, that's some good stuff!" I said.
"Easy," Vinyl said, "you don't want to go too hard on the drinks."
"Oh really? I bet I can go twice as hard on them as you can."
Her eyes widened, and then narrowed dangerously. "Is that right? Well I bet you can't!"
I stuck out my hand. "It's a bet then?"
She nodded and stuck out her hoof to seal the deal.
***
I drank a dozen more and did not feel anything. Vinyl on the other hand, was slightly swaying side to side.
"Octavia, you can help her if you want," I said.
"And why would I want to include myself in a drinking game with you two?"
"Because I'm kicking Vinyl's ass, and you'll be the one to carry her home when she loses."
Octavia's eyes widened at that thought, and she then got a determined look on her face. "Fine, but you'll be paying for the drinks in this competition."
I smiled devilishly and pulled out my bag of golden bits. I let them fall onto the counter and spill over it, and immediately heard all the mares around us say "Oohhh".
"Bartender," I said, "get us a few dozen more rounds."
I did a shot, then the two of them did a shot, then I thought I might throw them off, and did three shots in quick succession.
There was a crowd watching us now, and I did not mind the audience watching me win.
Vinyl and Octavia did three shots each, and I could tell that it hit them hard.
"Getting worn out girls? Maybe you ought to quit while you're still awake."
Vinyl slammed her hoof down on the counter and got right up in my face. "I'm not giving up anything! You know why? 'Cause you're going down!"
She then picked up half a dozen glasses and poured the contents of them all into her mouth and swallowed them down. "C'mon Tavi, you can't let him beat us!"
Octavia reluctantly drank six shots as well, then looked like she was ready to pass out.
"Is that the best you got?" I asked.
I took six shots with no problem, then I did another six to top it off.
The crowd of mares around us cheered, while Vinyl and Octavia stared at me in disbelief.
"Hah! Try and ca... uh, whoa, who's making the room spin?"
I was fine up until that point. As it turns out, pony alcohol is not weaker, it is just made differently, so it takes Humans a while to feel the effects.
"I- I think I had, ohh, a bit too much..."
"No kidding, you drank more than I can!" I turned around to see a pony that I knew the name of, but could not remember.
"Yeah," she said, "I can't believe you haven't passed out yet."
"Huh, did you hear that girls? I- ohh damn- I'm gonna be the drinking champion of Ponyville when I win."
They both gave me miserable looks when they heard that I was going to beat them, and I started to feel bad for them.
"You, uh, you okay there?"
"I- I don't think I can go on," Octavia said.
"Yeah, I think you win dude, I can't stomach anymore shots," Vinyl added.
"Yes! I fucking won!"
I threw my hands up into the air, but lost my balance and fell over and landed hard on my back.
"Ah, damn, it's a good thing I'm drunk."
I heard the two of them giggle at me when I said that.
"It looks like I'm not the only one though," I said as I got up.
Their giggles died down and they looked at me through drunken eyes.
"So," Vinyl said, "how do you plan on celebrating your win?"
I thought for a minute, then I came up with a great idea.
"I know! I'm going to drink some more!"
They both just stared at me. I could understand why though. I was completely drunk, and I wanted to celebrate being drunk by getting even more drunk than I already was.
"Would you two like to join me?" I asked them in a happy voice. "Nothing real strong, just some casual stuff, and I'm buying."
I saw Vinyl gain a small smile, and I knew that she was up for it. But the question was not whether she was on board, it was if Octavia would want to drink with us. I felt bad that I beat them in front of the entire bar, so me buying them drinks might make up for it. "Octavia, let me buy you a drink or two, to make up for, you know, beating you."
She looked at me like I was crazy, and I was. "I'm already drunk, I don't need any more alchohol in my system."
"C'mon, just one. I feel bad for beating you, so I wouldn't feel right unless I bought you a drink to make it up to you. I'll order anything you want for you; I still have a whole lot of money."
She sighed and nodded at me. "Fine, I'll take a glass of wine, but after that, I'm done."
"Okay then, one glass of wine, and whatever it is that Vinyl wants."
"I'll take a few shots of absinthe," Vinyl said.
I nodded at them both and smiled happily.
"Okay bartender, we need some wine for the lovely lady Octavia, and a bottle of absinthe for me and the DJ."
The bartender got us our drinks, and we spent the next hour at the bar talking, drinking, and laughing.
***
I woke up the next morning and immediately wished I had not. My head felt like there was a construction crew building a city in my skull, and I was wishing that it would just kill me so I would not have to feel it anymore.
I sat up from the bed I was in and came into contact with a ray of sunshine that was determined to blind me. I put my hands over my face to shield my eyes from the harsh sunlight coming in through the bedroom window. I rubbed my hands over my face to wipe the tiredness out of my eyes. I did not want to deal with this, so I laid back down and closed my eyes to try to get back to sleep.
"Nnrrggg."
My eyes shot open and I tensed up as soon as I heard it. I did not know what it was, but it was right next to me.
I looked over to my side and saw... Vinyl Scratch. I was in bed with Vinyl Scratch, and I had no idea how I got there.
I tried to creep out of bed on the other side, but I was blocked by something. I looked over to see what was in my way... and saw Octavia.
I was not in bed with Vinyl Scratch, I was in bed with Vinyl Scratch, and Octavia!
What the fuck am I doing here?!
I was blocked on both sides by them, so I had no choice but to try to scoot down off of the end of the bed. I was almost off of the bed when I heard a noise, a noise of somebody waking up.
"Hhmmm... what time is it...?"
I froze where I was. I did not dare to move, for if they heard me, I would be in serious trouble.
"It's morning," I heard Octavia say sleepily. "So it's time to wake up."
I decided there and then that if I were to be caught, I would give one hell of a chase before I went down. I slid off of the bed as fast as I could and sprinted towards the door. I threw it open and bolted down the hallway until I reached the front door of the house. I undid the deadbolt and ran as fast as I could down the road towards Twilight's house.
I am sure you can imagine the looks I got on the way there, but I can not even say that I did not earn them. I was in nothing but my boxers and my choker that I have always been wearing ever since Canterlot.
When I reached the library I went to open the door, but it was locked. I tried again, but Twilight must still be asleep, otherwise the door would be unlocked. I gave up trying to open the door, and I walked over to the window and tried that. It was locked too.
Fuck!
I looked around the entire library for a way to get inside, and my eyes fell upon the balcony window leading off of Twilight's bedroom. It was wide open, and I could get up there pretty easily.
I started to climb up the side of the tree, making my way to Twilight's balcony. I was only a few feet from the railing, but I lost my grip. I had one hand gripping the side of the giant tree that was the library, and one hand waving around in the air, searching for a place to grab on to.
I heard hoofsteps coming from just above me, and I looked up to see Twilight coming out of her room. It was my lucky day... well, sort of.
"Twilight!"
I could see her look around for the source of the voice.
"Twilight, down here!"
She looked down and saw me about to fall to my death. She instantly powered up her horn and levitated me up and onto the balcony. Once I was safe from falling to my death, I was able to relax.
"What were you doing Django?!"
"Uh, the door was locked, so I, um, had to try to get in this way..."
She just stared at me with a face that clearly said "What the fuck is wrong with you?"
"Listen Twilight, I think I got into some trouble last night, and I need you to tell the two that'll be looking for me that I'm gone."
She narrowed her eyes at me. "What did you do?"
I sighed and shook my head. "I'm not sure exactly, but if I'm right, two mares that I met last night'll be looking for me, and they'll be pretty fuckin' mad at me."
Twilight got an unbelieving look on her face after she heard that. "I thought that we were together Django! I know that you were mad, but why would you go out and hook up with other mares?!"
I cupped my hands on the sides of her face and looked into her eyes. "I was mad, and I got into a drinking contest at a bar and I can't really remember what happened after I won. I'm thinking they took me back to their place, but like I said, I can't remember. I'm not mad at you anymore Twilight, and I'm sorry for walking out on you." I then kissed her on her forehead. "But right now, I really don't know what to do, and I need your help."
She put a hoof up to my face and stroked my cheek tenderly. "Django, of course I'll help you, but you can't be running off anymore."
I smiled at her. "I think I can do that."
But then we were interrupted by a voice. Actually, two voices.
"Hey, I know you're up there! Get down here; I got something to say to you!"
"Come down here right now or we'll come up after you!"
Twilight looked at me with a shocked expression. "Is that-"
"Vinyl Scratch and Octavia? Yes, yes it is."
She walked over to the railing while I walked into her room. I could hear her trying to convince them that I was not there, but she was having a hard time of it. I walked downstairs and into the kitchen to make myself some coffee to try to help me with my hangover. I had already started crushing up the beans and mixing up the special ingredients, but I was forced to stop when there was a big crashing sound at the front door and a huge cloud of smoke came into the kitchen and caused me to cough until my chest and throat hurt. When the dust cleared, and I finished coughing, I saw them. Vinyl and Octavia were standing right in front of my with very angry expressions.
"Uh, I take it you're not here to say good morning then?"
They started advancing on me, and I tried to back away, but I came into contact with a counter top, and I was trapped.
"So uh, lovely day we're having, huh?"
They came even closer, and I looked to both sides, but there was no way out.
"You two look like you're angry about something. Do uh, do you want to talk about it?"
They were within reach now, and they looked like they wanted to do something to me besides talk.
"Hey uh, c'mon you two, I was drunk. All three of us were drunk! You can't really blame me for doing something when I was drunk, can you?"
They were right in front of me now, and I did not know if they wanted to kill me, or just simply wanted to severely injure me.
"C'mon girls, I'm too young to die!"
They both stood up on their back hooves and put their front hooves on my chest so that they were closer to head height.
"H- hey now, I know that I can be a bastard sometimes, but there's no need to kill me for it!"
They both leaned in so that their faces were only inches away from mine. I could feel their breath on my face, and could see that there was not only anger in their eyes, but something else that I was not sure if I was right in saying that I saw it there.
"So uh, h- how have you two been since, uh, last night? Good I hope."
"I think it's time that we got some payback, don't you Tavi?" Vinyl asked Octavia.
"Yes, I think that's an excellent idea Vinyl," Octavia answered.
They both got wicked grins on their faces and I decided that I did not want to witness my own death, so I shut my eyes. There was a few seconds when nothing happening, so I was not sure if they were killing me yet. I had not felt any excruciating pain yet, so I was guessing that I had not died, or that I had died and it had just been a quick death. I could not take not knowing though, so I opened my eyes and saw something that made my jaw drop. They were both standing there, propped up against my chest, with eyes full of passion, and seductive smiles.
"Uh, what's going on here...?"
"Well, you showed us such a good time last night, so we kinda wanted to repay you," Vinyl said.
"Yes, last night was amazing, and we wouldn't feel right without repaying the favor," Octavia added.
It took me a second before what they said registered in my mind, but when it did, I wished that I did not hear it.
"Wait, so after we got drunk we-"
"Mmm-hmm, and it was the most wonderful night of my life," said Octavia.
"Yeah," said Vinyl, "you were totally awesome."
I could not believe what they were saying. I am not sure if I wanted to. I had gotten drunk with them, and I slept with them after we left the bar. I was not sure if I liked the idea of that happening. It is not that I did not like them, it is just that I was still having troubles getting over the whole "they're ponies" thing.
"Um, yeah, normally that would be great, but uh, I'm kinda in a thing with Twilight, and I'm not sure if she'd go along with this..."
"That's right," I heard a voice say from the kitchen doorway, "He's mine, and I'm not so sure that I'll be sharing him with anypony who knocks my front door down."
All three of us looked to the kitchen doorway to see Twilight Sparkle standing there with a very annoyed look on her face.
"Oh, yeah, sorry about that," Vinyl said sheepishly.
"Don't worry, I'll be sending you the repair bill. Now, if you don't mind, get out of my house and leave my coltfriend alone."
They both got an irritated look and turned back to face me.
"Hey, I'll be seeing you two in town. You don't have to worry about not seeing me again."
They both smiled at me and took their hooves away from me and walked towards the- now open until repaired- front door.
"Oh hey, I didn't even get your name dude," Vinyl called back to me.
"Django," I said. "My name is Django."
"Well," said Octavia, "It's been a pleasure Django. We'll be seeing you."
"Yeah, see ya," added Vinyl.
I waved to them as they trotted out of the house. I then turned to Twilight and saw her giving me a look that I could not quite decipher. "Well," I said, "now that that's taken care of, I suppose I should get ready for school, huh?"
"Maybe you should start tomorrow; you smell like sweat, alcohol, and... something else."
I lowered my head to smell myself and could tell the she was right, I smelled horrible. I would need a good shower, and a whole lot of mouth wash.
"Well, I'm gonna go take a shower, when I come back up, do you think that I could find somewhere to get some new clothes?"
"Of course Django. When you're finished I'll take you over to Rarity's place to have her make you some new clothes."
I nodded my thanks to her. "Thanks Twi', I could really use some new ones, you know, since all of my old clothes are over at Vinyl's and Octavia's house."
I then went into the basement and artfully avoided my friends' questions about why I was only in my boxers, took a hot shower, and spent a full ten minutes brushing my teeth and getting the smell of alcohol off of my breath. The only problem I would encounter would be to walk around town half naked until Rarity was done making my new clothes, but I have dealt with worse, and I was sure that this would not be a problem. I was just going to get some new clothes, so what was the worst that could happen?
End Chapter: Chapter Thirteen: Reasons And Worries
I had finished taking a shower, brushing my teeth, and doing everything else I could do to remove the stench of alcohol from my person and was ready to go to Rarity's house- that also doubled as a clothing store- to get a new outfit to replace the one I had lost in my little adventure into drunken bliss.
"Are you ready Django?" asked Twilight.
"Yeah, let's head out so I can go around in something other than my skivvies," I said.
We both walked out of the library and down the road to the Carousel Boutique to get me some new clothing. I was not ashamed of my appearances or anything, but I knew that people would give me odd looks if I walked around half naked, and I did not like them giving me odd looks... or normal looks... or any kind of looks, really.
"Hey Twilight," I started as we walked down the road, "I know you're mad at me for, uh, well, sleeping with those two, but I was drunk and mad. What is it that I have to do for you to forgive me?"
Twilight turned to me and gave me a strange look. "Django, I'm not mad at you, really. I know you were mad, and so many things were going on all at once; I'm surprised you didn't lose it sooner, to tell the truth."
Now it was my turn to give a strange look. "Twilight, how can you not be mad? I did something that would make any girl on my planet want to stab my eyes out with a fork."
She raised an eyebrow at me. "Django, you have a really interesting way of saying things."
"How so?" I asked her.
" 'Stab my eyes out with a fork'? Who else can say something like that as casual as you can in regular conversation?"
I chuckled lightly at that. "Yes, I do have a way with words," I said as I examined my nails on one hand with a face that only I, and a stuck up rich person could pull off.
Twilight then rolled her eyes at me and continued walking towards our destination. I stopped acting like an idiot and quickly caught up to her so that we were walking together. I walked right at her side as we neared Rarity's place of business. I looked down to Twilight to see her looking back up at me with a smile on her face, and a light in her eyes.
"What?" I asked.
"I just can't believe that somepony like me could be lucky enough to find somepo- er, somebody like you," she answered.
"Yeah," I said sarcastically. "I'm a dangerous, ill-tempered, foul-mouthed, mentally unstable asshole... But hey, I'm still a great lay!"
She rolled her eyes at me for the second time that day. "You forgot sarcastic Django, you best quality," she said in a flat voice.
"No I didn't. I just thought that would be a given, since, you know, I'm clearly radiating it from every inch of my body."
She shook her head at me like she could not believe what I was saying. "Django, why do you always talk yourself down? You're a great person, and I know that you know it too, but you always seem to fight off compliments by talking about yourself like you're not as good as you are."
"That's not true," I replied indignantly "I said I was a great lay, didn't I? How could that possibly be talking myself down?"
"That's another thing. You always resort to sarcasm when you're confronted by anything. I read a lot of books on psychology, so I know that something's wrong. Django, what's bothering you so much?"
I gave her a hard stare. "C'mon, the sooner we get to Rarity's, the soon I can get some new clothes." I then walked off at a brisk pace, leaving Twilight behind me. I knew the general direction of the Carousel Boutique, so I did not need Twilight to guide me, nor did I want her around me right now. I did not like when people tried to pry into my life using that "How does that make you feel?" bullshit. It was even worse when somebody I really liked tried it. It felt like I was being betrayed.
I could see Rarity's home after a while, and I walked straight to it, not delaying with anything.
"Django, wait!"
I just barely slowed my pace to let Twilight catch up.
"Django, wait, I didn't mean to make you upset."
She was trotting right at my side now, trying to talk to me and keep pace with me at the same time. "Django, I just thought that I could help you get over some problems you've been having by talking to you about them. I didn't know that that you would get angry at me. I'm sorry if I crossed a line."
I did not look at her, I just kept staring straight ahead. "I don't like to talk about my problems; they're mine, and I'll deal with them however I see fit."
"I know, and I should have respected that. But I just wanted to help."
"Well now you know that I don't need any help with my problems, so just stay out of them, and everything will be all sunshine and daisies from here on out."
I could see her hang her head low out of the corner of my eye, and I felt kind of bad that I had hurt her feelings, but she needed to know that my problems are my own. I could train Humans without much trouble, so I did not think that ponies would be that much harder to manipulate to my will. The trick is to be able to push hard, but being able to pull back in a second if the pushing proves to be too much for them to handle. I was a master at controlling people, and I have been doing this ever since I was just a boy, so I had no doubts in my mind that I could not get her to learn the boundaries in this relationship of ours. But Carousel Boutique was right in front of us and I was forced to finish my line of sociopathilogical thoughts, so I would have to ponder my plans for the near future regarding Twilight and her friends later.
The bell rang as we walked in and I heard the voice of Rarity call out from the back of the shop. "Welcome to Carousel Boutique, I'll be with you in just a moment."
I looked around the shop and saw that there was a lot of creations in progress spread all over one side of the shop, while one side was amazingly neat and tidy.
"Yes, how may I- oh, Twilight, Django, how are you?! I do hope you can forgive the mess. It's just that I'm in the middle of creating my new line of fashion, and I was so caught up in it that I forgot to tidy up."
"It's fine Rarity," I said. "But I kind of need you to put that on hold."
"Why's that Django?"
I gave her a flat look. "As you should be able to clearly see, I'm nearly naked, so I need you to make me a new outfit to wear around so I'm not constantly being stared at."
Her eyes lit up and a huge smile spread across her face. "Are you saying that you want me, Rarity, to make you an entire new wardrobe?!"
"Uh, that's what I just said, wasn't it?"
"Oh yes, I heard you, but I just can't believe that somepony from another world is asking me to make them an entirely new ensemble!"
"Well believe it, because it's happening. I lost my clothes, uh, doing something, and I need some new ones. How long will it take for you to make them?"
She trotted over to her table of tools, such as measuring tape, pins, scissors, and other things like that. "Well first, I need to take your measurements to be accurate in sizing your new clothes, then I have to see what colors go best with your skin tone, try out different materials to see what best suits you, all sorts of things. It will only take a few hours at the most, but don't worry, I'm sure that the time will fly by."
I could not believe what she was saying; I had to wait hours just to get a shirt and some pants. "Are you serious?! How could just taking my measurements and trying out different materials take you that long?!"
She turned to face me with a smile. "This is a very delicate process, and I need to be absolutely sure that I get this right."
I heard a small cough to my side and could tell the Twilight was about to speak up. "Well, since you two seem to have everything under control, I guess I'll be leaving then." She looked up to me with a smile, and I could see a small shred of hope in her eyes that I was not mad at her. "I'll see you back at home Django."
I was pushing her hard, but I thought that she was strong enough to handle a little bit more. "Yeah, I guess, bye." I then walked over to a small stool and sat with my back to the wall, waiting for Rarity to finish setting everything up. I heard a small chocking noise come from Twilight, then she slowly walked out of the door, and away from my cruelty. I liked twisting peoples' wills and breaking them almost more than sex... Almost.
Rarity was too busy to notice what was going on, and I was glad of it, if anybody could tell what it was that I was doing, it was her. It is not like I was scared of her, but she might get it in her head that it would be a good idea to tell Twilight what it was that I was doing, and that might cause problems.
"So Rarity, I was thinking that I wouldn't mind having a pair of pants like I did before, and maybe a few T-shirts like the one you made me when I had gotten out of the hospital."
"So you liked the shirt I made you?" she asked.
"Yeah," I said, "I did like it."
"Good, then I have an idea of what to make you this time," she said as she trotted over to me with a variety of tools in her telekinetic grip. She motioned for me to stand up with her hoof and I did so. It only took a second for her to start measuring me everywhere. She ran the piece of tape along my arms, my legs, my neck, my chest, my stomach, and everywhere else that is on the Human body, and every time she took one measurement she would write down the information on a little note pad the she had floating next to her. It took her about half an hour before she was finally finished taking my measurements and writing in her little note pad.
I caught a whiff of something familiar as she was taking my measurements, but I could not quite put my finger on it. I did not want to interrupt her while she was working, so I held back my question until she was finished, and she was done then, so it was my chance to ask. "Hey Rarity, are you wearing perfume?"
She looked surprised for a few seconds, but then smiled at me. "Why yes Django, I am. Do you like it?"
I took a deep breath of the scent. "It smells great, and I know I've smelled it before, but I just can't quite think of where right now."
"Well thank you Django, I wasn't sure about this one at first, but now I'm glad that I did choose it over the others."
"Yeah, me too..." I took another deep breath of her perfume, and I felt like I just could not get enough of the smell.
"Um, Django?"
I looked at her and saw that she was waiting patiently for me to stop. "Oh damn, I'm sorry," I said feeling embarrassed.
"Don't worry about it Django, I know that my perfume is fabulous. There's no shame in enjoying its aroma."
I shook my head clear of the fog that her perfume had just put me in. "So, what now?" I asked.
She looked at me with a smile. "Now, all that needs to be done is selecting the materials to make it, and then I can draw up a design."
"That's all?" I asked. "I thought it would take a little longer than that."
"Well I do need you to help me select what color it'll be."
"Black or white; I don't like any other colors besides those."
She looked at me like I had just told her a perverted joke. "What?! You can't be serious! You have so much potential to look fabulous, and you only want to wear black or white?!"
I looked her straight in the eye. "Eeyup, that's right."
She narrowed her eyes at me dangerously. "Do you doubt my talents'?"
I shook my head. "No, I just don't like wearing colors. It marks me for people to see, and I would prefer to remain unmarked."
She then gained a thoughtful look and put a hoof to her chin in thought. "Yes," she said slowly, "I think I can see what you're saying." She looked at me seriously. "Are you sure you don't want me to make you something a little less... monotonic?"
I nodded my head at her. "Yes Rarity, I would much rather you make me something without a lot of color."
She sighed and shook her head. "Alright then, it's your clothes, so I'll make them however you want them."
***
The next couple of hours were spent going through fabric choices and styles of fashion. She seemed to think that I would look good walking around in something that I have only seen people dress up as on TV, but I got her to go with something more modern, at least on this world. We agreed on a half dozen short-sleeved, V-necked T-shirts. She would only let me pick that design if I would wear some colors though, so I got one in black, one in blue, one in tan, one in red, and two in white. She would also make me three pairs of pants that were almost an exact match to how my cargos looked. One pair was tan, one pair was black, and the last pair was a dark green color. She also decided to make me few pairs of socks, but you can not do much with socks, so they were all white.
The whole time we were going through the process of choosing styles and designs, I was silently enjoying her perfume. There was just something about it that made me feel... good. I was in a daze at that moment, and the longer I was exposed to her scent, the worse it became. I would have had a hard time breaking out of my stupor by myself, so I was lucky that Rarity was there next to me.
"Well, I do believe we're done here," Rarity said, breaking me out of my trance-like state.
"Really?" I asked, "I don't have my clothes yet, how can we be done?"
"Well, you're done, I still need to make them, so you can go back to Twilight's place and wait there. Your outfits will be ready for you in a few hours."
I pulled out my iPod and saw that it was only three o' clock. I did not want to go back to Twilight for a while longer, so I needed something to kill some time. "Hey Rarity, can I hang out here while you finish things?"
She looked at me oddly. "Why? Don't you want to get back to Twilight? I'm sure she'll be wondering where you are by now."
I shook my head. "No, I kinda want to give her time to cool off after the little bit of trouble I got into this morning."
"What kind of trouble could you have possibly gotten yourself into in the time that you left the library last night and this morning?"
I bit my lip and looked at the ground. "The kind of trouble that involves me getting drunk and sleeping with two mares that I met in the same night."
There was a silence in the room for a minute, but was eventually broken by Rarity after a few minutes. "What?!"
"I didn't think that I would do something like that when I was drunk; I usually just get into fights or something like that."
"Who did you sleep with?" Rarity asked.
I looked up at her. "I'm not naming names. That would be fucked up for me to go around and tell everybody that we did that."
There was another silence in the room, but this time I broke it. "Please Rarity, let me hang out here until you're done with my clothes. I won't get in your way, I'll keep quiet, I'll even help you out if you want me to." I would have done everything I said to be able to stay here for a bit, mostly because I wanted to be separated from Twilight for a bit longer, but there was a part of me that would have done it just to stay here and be able to smell the amazing perfume that Rarity was wearing. I forcefully ended my thoughts as I saw Rarity's face.
She did not look like she was going to say no, but I was not sure if she was going to say yes either. She looked like she was considering my request for a time, but eventually sighed and looked at me seriously. "I'll let you stay here, but you shouldn't hide from her. You need to talk to her about this."
I nodded slowly. "I know, I know, but... I just want to let her let a little of that anger out before I try to talk to her."
Rarity smiled knowingly at me. "I know that she can overreact to things sometimes, but this isn't something to be taken lightly. You did something that needs to be righted, and only Twilight can forgive you for this."
"I know. Thanks for understanding Rarity, I really appreciate you doing all of this for me."
She waved a hoof at me. "Oh think nothing of it, that's what friends are for."
She then trotted over to her working area to start constructing my new clothes, and I was glad she did, for if she was still looking in my direction she would have seen the wicked grin I had on my face.
Heh, I thought to myself, I guess I'm better at lying than I am at talking.
***
I sat in the back of the shop watching Rarity make the clothes that I would soon be wearing- and catching whiffs of her perfume. If nothing else is said about her, you could say that she knows how to make clothing better than any machine ever could.
"Django, I think I'm finished."
I got up and walked over to where she was so I could see the clothing that I would be wearing for the time that I would be here. I saw that everything was finished and ready for me to wear. I picked up one of the white T-shirts and pulled it over my head. It was just barely loose, just how I liked it, I could pop my collar, and I could hide things in my belt, and it was low enough so that nobody would see them... It was perfect. "The shirt's perfect Rarity; I can't thank you enough."
She smiled at me. "You're quite welcome Django, but try on the pants; I need to see if I got them right."
I picked up the black cargos and pulled them on. It was comfortable, and it breathed, but the second I tried to move I found a major problem. "Uh, Rarity, the pants are too tight."
She looked shocked. "What? I had all of your measurements written down. I triple checked them as I was working. How could I have made them too tight?"
I bit my bottom lip slightly. "Um, the pants fit perfectly except for one place..."
She looked at me quizzically. "Where are they too tight?"
I slowly moved one of my hands over my privates and held it there. "When I tried to move, I was nearly crushed."
She instantly took on a huge blush when I said that. "O- oh, I'm t- terribly sorry Django, I- I'll have to add a bit more room to them then."
I took off the pants and handed them back to her so she could add a bit more wiggle room for me. She started working on them immediately, and I was more than a little bit embarrassed from that whole situation, but she was more embarrassed than I was by the way her face went from white to red like that.
It took her about twenty minutes for her to finish adding room in the area earlier specified.
"Here Django," she said as she levitated the pants over to me, "try them on now."
I grabbed the pants out of her levitation field and started to put them on but stopped when I noticed that Rarity was staring at me oddly. "Why are you looking at me like that Rarity?"
Her eyes widened when she heard me speak, so I guessed that she did not even realize that she was staring. "Oh, um, no- nothing! I was just... waiting to see if they fit, is all."
I did not believe her for a second. "Uh, okay then; I'll tell you if they fit in just a second." I pulled the pants all the way up and could feel a big difference in a certain area of my body. I tried to move again... but it was still too tight on me to really be comfortable. "Um, Rarity?"
"Yes?"
"They're uh, still tight on me below my belt..."
Her eyes widened to the size of dinner plates when I said that. "Um, Django?"
"Yes?"
"I think that maybe it would be best if... um, you were at your... full size, so I could take a measurement of you."
I just stared at her.
"No, I didn't mean it like that! I only wanted to have an accurate measurement of you for, um, future clothing creations! I swear!"
I crossed my arms over my chest and looked at her like I had just caught her trying to sneak away with my wallet in her magic grip. "So, let me get this straight. You want me to stand here with a raging hard-on and let you measure me so you know how big I am?"
The blush that she had already had on her face deepened and spread from her cheeks to everywhere else on her face. "I- I just... you, er, need t- to be..."
"Measured?" I asked sarcastically.
She turned away from me to hide the enormous blush on her face, and I did not blame her for doing so. If I was half as embarrassed as she was right now I would have bolted out of the door and down the road.
Just as I was going to continue speaking to her to try and apologize for saying something like that, I caught another bit of her scent. I do not know if it was from prolonged exposure, or from something else, but when I smelled it that time, it felt different. I could feel my heart start pumping faster, and I started feeling hot. But more than that happened. I had a few thoughts going though my head that I would never have been thinking about normally, and I was possessed by an incredible urge to do something that I had serious problems even thinking about. I tried to fight the urge at first, but then I just gave in to it. It was too strong, and in the state I was in, there was not much that could break my focus on the one thing that seemed to be going through my head.
I walked right up to her, but she was turned away from me so she did not see me coming up behind her. I crouched down so that I was balanced on the front of my feet and leaned a little closer to her. "You know Rarity," I whispered into her ear, but she did not know I was there so she jumped from how close I was, "if you really want to, I'll let you take that measurement." I heard her gasp when I said that, but I was not quite done yet. "You can measure me, but after that, there's gonna be a really big problem that'll need to be taken care of." I was tracing the tip of my index finger down the center of her back now, and it was making her shiver slightly. "So if you want that measurement, you're going to have bring a bit more than numbered tape to the party."
She spun around to face me with narrowed eyes and a serious look on her face. "Are you saying what I think you're saying?"
I started to answer, but then I stopped before I could say even one word. Was I really saying all of this? How could I be saying all of this? I could not really think very well at that moment because of a haze that seemed to take over my mind. I tried to think harder and was able to string together a few thoughts.
What am I doing?! I'm with Twilight, I can't be doing this!
But then the other voices that I sometimes hear decided to speak up.
You've already done this once before- well, twice- so it doesn't matter what you think about it anymore.
I tried to argue the point, but there was something about Rarity that was making the ability to think straight very difficult.
"Rarity?" I whispered.
"Yes?" she whispered back.
"I... aww fuck it!" I then leaned forward and kissed her roughly on the lips. She was surprised at first, but not two seconds after I kissed her, I could feel her kissing me back just as hard as I was kissing her.
This lasted for about a minute before I felt that I needed more. I picked her up so that I was cradling her in my arms as we kissed. In this position, she was slightly higher than me, so I had to lean my head back to be able to kiss her. When I leaned my head back though, he hair fell into my face, and my senses were overloaded with the scent of her perfume, and it made me lose my mind.
I broke the kiss for only a second, but it felt like forever. "Where's your bedroom?"
She was breathing hard, but she was able to talk in between breaths of air. "Up the stairs at the end of the hall."
I pressed my lips back up against hers and walked over to the stairway with her in my arms. I walked up the stairs, down the hall, but when her door would not open, I just decided that I would fix it later and kicked it in- I do not think she even noticed. I walked over to her bed and spun around so that I would be laying on it and she would be on top of me.
We broke the kiss again, but we did not say anything; we did not need to. I could understand everything that I would ever need to just by looking into her eyes, and she seemed to have the same ability with me about me.
She leaned down slowly so that I could feel her breath on my face. She was so close that I could almost kiss her right there. But she was just barely out of reach, taunting me.
There was a few seconds of silence between us, but then she broke it with a voice that was barely more than a whisper. "Django, I need you. If you agree to being in a relationship with Twilight, you'll want me with you always, won't you?"
I pulled my head up off of the bed and kissed her lightly on the lips. "Rarity, I want you in my life, now and forever."
A huge smile spread over her face and she actually started to cry a little bit. "Django, you've just made me the happiest mare in Equestria." She then leaned down all the way and kissed me again. But it was not like before; this time it was not a hard, or rough kiss. This time it was a deep, and strong kiss. One that I could feel tongue in.
We went on like that for a few minutes before I decided that I've had enough of the kissing, and needed something more. I broke the kiss to speak. "Rarity, enough with this kid shit."
She smiled at my slyly. "I couldn't agree more Django."
I then sat up and grabbed her around her back so that she was sitting in my lap and pressed against me. I gave her a rough kiss and then twisted around so that she was laying on the bed and I was on top of her. I kissed her on her forehead, then the tip of her nose, then I lingered for a while on her mouth, but moved on to kissing her neck. I made it all the way down to her stomach, but decided to tease her a bit before doing anything else. I took one of my hands and started rubbing her stomach slowly in one spot, but I started to plant a few kisses very lightly lower down.
"Django," she said in a breathless, yet excited voice, "are you going to-" but I cut her off.
"Yes," I said as I looked up at her, "I'm gonna-" but I got no further, for I saw something just above Rarity's head, or more precisely, outside of the window above Rarity's head. The thing I saw had wings, four legs, and a cyan coat with a rainbow mane... I was looking at Rainbow Dash, and she was looking at us.
I jumped off of Rarity and backed up against the wall opposite the window with wide eyes. "Oh fuck, the window!"
Rarity looked over to the window and nearly fell out of her bed with the shock of seeing Rainbow staring in at us both. "Rainbow Dash, what are you doing?!" Rarity sounded both furious and shaken.
Rainbow pushed open the windows and a cool breeze came through and blew all of the steamed air out of the room. When the outside air was all around me though, I felt like I had just been struck by lightning. Everything went black and white, all the sound around me was muted, and I felt like I was just hit in the head by a boulder. But then all at once, the color came back, I could hear again, and my headache disappeared. It was such a rush that I lost my balance and fell over onto the floor.
"Whoa, Django, are you alright?!"
"Django, what's the matter?!"
They both sounded worried about me, and I was worried about myself. I looked over at them through unfocused eyes to see that they were both standing over me. "What the hell just happened?"
"Well," Rainbow started slowly, "I came by to see you at the library, but Twilight said that you were over here. But when I knocked on the door nopony answered, so I flew to all of the windows to check if Rarity was here, and... Well, I saw you two in bed together."
I looked up at the two of them. "Sorry Rarity, but Rainbow here killed the mood."
I saw Rarity shoot a death glare at Rainbow, then looked back to me. "Django, what happened to you, I saw you standing there, then it looked like you were having a heart attack."
I was able to push myself up off the ground, but needed to lean against a wall to stay standing. I saw both of them looking at me like I was seriously hurt, but I did not think I was, only a little screwed up in the head.
"I don't know what happened," I said. "The second I was hit by that breeze I..." I just realized then and there what had happened to me. "It was your perfume!"
They both looked at me like they thought I was crazy.
"No, really, it was your perfume Rarity. I was so jacked up on it that the second I smelled fresh air it pumped everything out of my system and fresh air filled its place."
"Wait, are you saying that it was my perfume that made you... go that far?"
"Yeah, there must be something in that perfume of yours that's able to fuck my brain up pretty bad."
She looked like this news hurt her feelings, and I knew exactly why. I stooped down so that we were face to face, and I kissed her lightly on the lips. "Rarity, I don't need some love potion infused perfume to care about you. I can do that all on my own."
She smiled warmly at me and reached her hooves around me and hugged me around my neck. "I'm glad that you care about me Django," she said.
"Yeah," I replied, "I'm glad too."
But that tender moment ended when we both turned to Rainbow with big scowls on our faces.
"What?!" she said defensively, "it's not like I meant to see you two in bed together!"
I just shook my head at her.
Why is it that these kind of things always happen to me...?
"Wait, what?!" Twilight had been the first person who Rainbow had told what had happened back at Carousel Boutique to, and I really wish she had not.
"I told you Twi', it was that damn perfume that made me go nuts," I said. "I'm sorry if you're upset, but it was out of my hands."
"Yes Twilight, it was my fault for wearing that scent around him," Rarity added. "If you're going to blame anypony, blame me."
Twilight looked at both of us with a face of true hurt and betrayal. "Django, I can't believe that you would do this... twice! I thought that you wanted to be with me, but you keep going around with other mares, and every time you do, you come up with some kind of excuse of why it wasn't your fault." She looked away from both of us. "I just don't know what to think anymore..."
I could not believe this. she did not trust me anymore! I did go around a lot, but she was the one that I really wanted. I could get myself out of this situation, but doing so might put me in more trouble than I was in already. I looked at Twilight's face and saw a sadness that nearly killed me, and I knew that I could not leave her like this, I had pushed her way too hard, and I needed to make up for it. "Twi'?"
She did not look at me, so I got more aggressive.
"Twilight, look at me."
She still did not look at me, instead she turned and ran up the stairs to her bedroom.
"God damn it!"
I turned to look at Rarity. "Rarity, I gotta go talk to her. Just head on home, this might take a while."
Rarity nodded. "Yes, I know that she can be stubborn at times. I'll return home for the time being, but when everything is settled, let me know where things stand."
"All right, I will, but first I have to go see if those things can still stand." I waved to her as she walked out of the library's front door, and then started walking up the stairs to Twilight's bedroom. When I got to the door I did not even bother knocking, I just pushed it open and walked inside. It was dark in the bedroom, and I was lucky that I had great night vision. "Twilight, I know you're in here; I can sense your heartbeat," I said in a creepy voice.
I looked around and I saw a lump underneath the covers on her bed. I smirked and walked over to her bed slowly. "You know, it's only a matter of time before I find you Twilight, so just come on out and save me the time of looking." I saw the lump on the bed move slightly, and I crept over to the bed and stood directly over the lump. I slowly reached my hand over the top of the covers, and when I had a firm grip I ripped them off of the bed faster than Twilight could act. "Gotcha."
She jumped off of the bed and walked around to the other side where I could not reach her. "I don't want to talk to you Django, just leave me alone."
I did not want her to be angry at me, and I knew that she would not forgive me until I made up for my mistakes. "Hey Twilight look, I'm sorry, I really am. I fucked up, I know that, but I swear I'll never do it again as long as I live."
"I don't believe you," she said without looking at me. "This is the second time you've done this to me Django, and I won't let you do it to me a third time."
I sighed deeply. "Twilight, look at me, I need to say something."
She did not look at me, and I knew that I would have to do what I had planned, or I might lose her.
I walked up to her and went down on one knee so that I was closer to her eye level. I used my hand to gently grip her chin and made her look at me. "Twilight, remember when you said that if I got into a relationship with you, that I'd be getting into one with all of your friends too?" She nodded a little bit in my grip. "Well, I guess I just wanted to get to know who the people are that I'm going to be in a relationship with."
She looked confused for a second, but then she took on a look of shock. "Wait, so you mean that... you accept the fact that you won't be just my coltfriend, but you'll be the coltfriend of all of my friends too?"
I nodded at her in confirmation. "Yeah Twi'; I don't want to lose you, so if it means that I'll be going out with all of your friends too, then I'll gladly do it."
She looked like she was searching my eyes for any lies for a time, but when she found none, a slow smile started spreading across her face. "Django, I don't think I can forgive you until you prove to me that you want to be with me."
I raised an eyebrow at her. "Oh? What is it that you'll have me do to prove myself?"
She leaned forward faster than I ever thought that she could move and grabbed my collar between her teeth. She then stood on her back legs and pushed me onto her bed with her front hooves. When I was on the bed she released her grip on my collar and moved her head up next to mine. "I want you to prove to me how much you want to be with me," she whispered into my ear.
My eyes widened when she told me what I had to do, but then they narrowed dangerously at her. "Ooohh, I'm gonna make you regret that Twi'."
She smiled wryly at me when I said that. "Prove it."
So with the fight over, and me in a new seven-way relationship, I had just solved a lot of my problems regarding social issues. So I was free to spend the next few hours proving to Twilight just how much I wanted to be with her.
***
I was sitting on the side of the bed going through the playlist I had created for sexy time in the bedroom, wishing that I had even bothered to turn some of the songs on. It was because I was so caught up in going through my iPod that I did not notice Twilight coming up behind me. I felt something tap my shoulder, and I looked around to see her staring into my eyes.
"So," she said, "are you ready to go again?"
I smiled at her. "Sorry, but these kind of things take a while," I said to her, waving my iPod around.
She snorted at me and walked around the bed so that she was next to me. "What are you even doing with that thing?"
"Well," I said, "have you ever heard of the Kama Sutra?"
She raised an eyebrow at me. "Is that the Human version of the Pony Sutra?"
I nodded at her. "Yes, I think that's what it would be called here."
"What about it?" she asked.
"Well, I have a list of everything in it on here, and I was just checking a few things off on my to-do list."
Her eyes widened when I told her that, and I could not help but laugh at how surprised she looked. "What?" I said indignantly. "Did you actually think I knew all of that without looking at a guide?" She could not seem to find the words to speak, so I assumed that she did in fact think that. "Well, as flattering as that is, I'm afraid that I'll have to tell you that you're wrong. But I'll let you in on a little secret." I leaned in very close to her. "I have the whole damn thing memorized."
Her eyes were the size of dinner plates, and her jaw dropped down to the surface of the bed that we were on.
"Really Twi', how could anybody know those kind of things without something to go off of?" I asked her.
She regained the ability to talk after that. "Wow Django, I guess that I thought that you were just really skilled."
"Oh believe me, I am. But what's a master without his handbook?"
She gained a small, seductive smile at that. "So, if you have a handbook, why don't you show me a few more things from it?"
"Well, I don't want to run out too quickly, and I only have one hundred and seventy-four left, according to my list here."
She took a step closer to me, and then another, then when she was close enough she swung one leg over me so that when she sat down on me I was between her two hind legs and she was sitting in my lap, facing me.
I looked up at her and raised an eyebrow. "Can I help you with something?"
She smiled wryly down at me. "You can help me with a lot of things Django." She then kissed me, and used the strength that she had gained from her raised position to push me down with her lips. When I was flat on my back she broke the kiss, and I used the time it gained me to speak. "You know Twilight...," she kissed me again, then broke it, "I do have some things that...," I was interrupted again, "I would like to do today...," she stopped the flow of words with her lips for a third time, "you know, besides this."
"What's out there that you want to do more than this?" she asked me in a voice that clearly said that she did not believe me.
"Well," I said, "remember that you said that I would need to go to the local school? Well I just think that I better start going, or I might go crazy from a lack of brain numbing school lessons."
She looked at me like I was an idiot. "You would rather do that than stay here with me?"
I took on a theatrical, over-dramatically shocked expression. "Oh, heavens no, but if don't make a public appearance every now and then, what will the peasants think?! They know that I'm living with you, and if I don't come out and make my rounds once in a while, they might start talking..."
She rolled her eyes at me and climbed off of me so I could get up. I sat on the edge of the bed and pulled on my clothes- that Rarity so kindly interrupted us at one point to deliver- and pocketed my iPod. I looked over to Twilight to see her giving me an annoyed look. "Don't worry," I said, "I'm sure there'll be plenty of time to have some fun after I get back from school in a few hours." She instantly perked up at that, and leaned forward to kiss me, then I was off to get ready.
I had gotten back from Rarity's house at around eight o' clock, and I had spent the rest of the night- and most of the morning- with Twilight, and it was about five o' clock in the morning.
I walked down the stairs and past the main room and went straight down the stairs that would lead me into the basement where me and the rest of the juniors slept. I took a hot shower, brushed my teeth, and used a lot of Axe. I did a few things to tidy myself up in the way of appearances, then I went over to my bed and grabbed my pack to make sure that everything I would need in a school environment was there, and then went back upstairs to make myself and Twilight some breakfast- those idiots I came here with can starve for all I care.
I had kept it simple. Cinnamon apple pancakes with powdered sugar, honey-burnt eggs, and crisp vanilla toast... Yeah, just me keeping it simple.
Twilight trotted down the stairs when I was just finishing up the process of washing the pans and my hands. "Django, did you made everypony breakfast?"
I turned off the sink and leaned my back against the counter. "Eenope, I made breakfast for me and you; those bastards down in the basement can make themselves a bowl of cereal."
She got a blank face at that. "Well aren't you nice?" she said in a flat voice.
I smirked at her. "Yeah, I'm a little angel, aren't I?"
We both sat down and ate the breakfast I had just made, and Twilight seemed to enjoy it just as much as she had when she had first eaten my cooking. When we were done I picked up the plates and washed them off in the small sink under the kitchen window, then went down to wake up my friends in the basement. I walked down there to see Lewis already awake, but the other two were still in their beds. I walked over to the beds and decided that waking them separately would be favoritism, so I took a bed post in each hand and shook hard enough to make them both fall out of their beds. "Wake up you lazy sods, there's work to be done!" I was yelling at them in my British voice- the same voice that Twilight found extremely sexy- and I was loud enough to make them wake up instantly, though that could have been from them falling out of their beds and on to the floor.
"Man, what the fuck is wrong with you man?!" T-boy screamed at me.
"I don't know bro, but psychiatrists have been trying to figure it out since I was seven," I said in a serious voice.
They both looked at me like they wanted to kill me, so I thought that I would keep my speech short. "Listen guys, we're going to the local schoolhouse, so get ready or you'll be going smelling like you rolled in shit."
"Are you crazy?" Tyrence asked me. "I ain't goin' to no school."
I looked at him with a sneer. "Well, not willingly maybe, but you will be going."
He looked at me like I had just insulted him. "Man I ain't goin' to school, and there ain't no way you can make me."
I cocked my head to the side. "Well, not me, but Twilight once turned a bird into an orange, so I'm sure turning you into a pile of bird seed and teleporting you to the park won't be too hard." After that he got quiet, and I knew that I had won our little argument. I walked over to the couch where Lewis was sitting and took a seat on the opposite end of it.
"Django man, do we really gotta go to school here?" he asked me.
"Yeah man," I answered, "we do. But don't worry, it's only from ten to two, and it's grade school shit, so it should be easy."
He looked at me like he was doing something that he really did not want to do. "Were you telling the truth when you said that Twilight could do that stuff?"
"Oh yeah," I said. "She could even make you go deaf with magical music, lift you up high enough so that you could not breathe, and even make you grow an awesome mustache."
"Whatever you say man," Lewis said, shaking his head.
I knew that Lewis was having the hardest time of all of us being here. He had a girl that he loved that he needed to get back to. None of us had anything like that going on for us to make us want to get back as quickly as possible.
"Don't worry man, everything's gonna be fine, trust me." I then got up and walked back upstairs to Twilight. I saw her laying on a large pillow in the main room of the library reading a book that was almost as big as her. I was about to go talk to her, but a knock at the front door stopped me.
I looked over to the door, then back to Twilight, who was looking at me. "Expecting company are we?"
"No, not that I know of," she said.
I walked over to the door and opened it to see a grey pegasis with a blond mane and tail and golden eyes that looked in different directions.
"Hi sir!" she said in a cheery voice. "Are you Dee-jango?"
I gained a smile that was so big that it hurt, but I did not notice the pain, I only noticed the mare in front of me. "Hey Derpy, how's it goin'?"
Her eyes widened when she heard that I knew her name. "You know my name?!"
I nodded at her. "Eeyup, I know you Derpy."
"Did you hear about me from other ponies?" she asked in a hesitant voice.
"No, I've seen you around, and I've always wanted to meet you."
She looked surprised when I said that. "Why would you want to meet me?"
"Well that's simple," I said. "I've always wanted to meet you because you're the most awesome pony ever."
She smiled at me. "You think I'm awesome?"
"Yeah Derpy; I don't know how anybody could think that you're not awesome."
"Thanks Dee-jango, I've never had anypony call me awesome before."
"Uh, my name is actually pronounced 'Django'. The D is silent," I said.
She smiled at me sheepishly. "Oh, oops, sorry Django."
"No problem," I said.
We smiled at each other, but then her eyes widened. "Oh, I almost forgot," she said. reaching into a big saddlebag with a muffin on it. "This is for you, from Octavia and Vinyl Scratch." She then handed, well hoofed me a small brown box.
"Why would they be sending me things...?" I wondered to myself out loud. I took the box and opened it up to reveal... my old clothes! They had sent me back my old clothes that I had left at their house during my drunken night out on the town. I had my cargos, my shirt, and my boots back. And also my "tool" belt- that I had secretly decided to keep. I had all of my old stuff back, and I was glad of it.
"Is it something good?"
I had almost forgotten that Derpy was still here. "Yeah, it's something really good." I then reached into the little pouch that held twenty bits at all times that I had on me and pulled out three of them. "Here, take this," I said as I handed her the bits.
She looked at the bits in her hoof like they were strange in some way. "But, sir, these kind of jobs don't require you to pay me on delivery."
"I know," I said, "but I want you to have it anyways, as a tip."
She smiled at me. "Thanks sir, I appreciate it."
I smiled back. "Please, call me Django."
"Why?" she asked me in a confused voice.
"Well, friends don't call friends 'sir' on my planet, so..."
Her smile grew wider. "Wait, you want to be friends?"
"Hell yeah," I said. "Being friends with you would be great Derpy."
"Wow, okay then... Django," she giggled when she said my name, and I nearly died of the cuteness overload that I was receiving. "Well, I have more deliveries to make, so I'll see you later Django." She then turned around and started to fly away.
I quickly looked behind me to see Twilight still caught up in reading her book. "Uh, hey Derpy?"
She turned around in mid-air to face me. "Yeah Django?"
I looked behind me once more to make sure that Twilight was not listening. "Uh, would you want to go to Sugar Cube Corner sometime, to like, I don't know, uh, maybe get a milkshake, or a muffin maybe?"
She looked at me like she was trying to figure out a problem. "I don't know, I'm kind of busy with work, and my daughter, and some other things."
I knew that trick. It was one that single mothers used to scare away men looking for a one time only thing. If they mention that they have a kid, then most men will start heading for the hills. But I was not looking for a one time thing, not with Derpy.
"Oh, don't worry, I'd be happy to buy you and your daughter something there," I said cheerfully.
She smiled brightly at me when she heard me say that I did not mind that she had a daughter. "Sure Django, I'm free this Friday at around four."
"It's a date. I'll see you then Derpy, take care and tell your daughter I said hello, yeah?"
She nodded and waved at me as she flew off to deliver the rest of the mail for today.
I waved back at her and then walked back into the house. I set the box down on the floor and pulled out my boots and put them on. Then I put on the belt that held my assortment of fun-time items- because for some weird reason my old belt seemed to have disappeared into thin air- and took the rest of the clothes down into the basement and put them into my little storage space.
There was still a few hours until we had to be at school, so I thought that I would spend the time just hanging out with my friends. I had pulled out my deck of cards and had dealt out a few hands of AK-47. We talked, we laughed, we got into arguments about stupid things like who was the best rapper- it was Eminem of course- and what we should do when we get back home, and generally had a fun time. But nothing lasts forever, and as the time past us by, we knew that the good times would not last, and that we would soon be skull deep in boring school type stuff. I had won most of the hands, but we were only playing with Human money, so it did not really matter. That was actually the story of my life though, was not it? I do all kinds of things that are fun, and I am good at them. But I have never done anything that really mattered. I was so caught up in my thoughts that I did not even notice when Twilight had come down to let us know that it was time to go.
"Yo Django, the pony is talking to us."
I blinked a few times rapidly. "Huh, what?"
"The pony," said T-boy, "it's talking to us."
T-boy had not realized it, but he had just said something that was very wrong.
I leaned over the small table and got right in his face. "First of all, 'the pony', as you call her, isn't an 'it'. Second, her name is Twilight, so start calling her by her name, understand?"
He leaned back a little in his seat. "Whoa, calm down man."
I snorted at him. "Yeah, you remember what I said, or we're gonna have some problems."
I turned around to face Twilight. "Yeah Twi', what is it?"
"It's time for you and your friends first day of school, so let's go," she said.
I put my hands to my face. "God damn it," I said quietly to myself. "Okay y'all," I told the other Humans with me, "time to hit the road. School's callin', and we gotta answer." I then packed up my cards and grabbed my pack and walked them all up the stairs. I could tell that they did not want to go, but I was not really giving them the choice. We were all ready to go, and I was just finishing up making sure that we had everything.
"Well, that's it, let's go," I said.
"Are you sure you're ready for this Django?" Twilight asked.
I looked at her and gave a tired smile. It was easy because I had not slept since the night before. "Well, I guess I'm as ready as I'll ever be. Let's just get this over with."
With that, Twilight walked us out of the door, and down the street towards our new school. I did not know about the other guys, but I was actually a little excited about this. I have always wanted to meet Cheerilee and the CMC- which consisted of Applebloom, Sweetie Bell, and Scootaloo- and also wanted to see if a few theories that I had come up with were true, and this was the best chance I could possibly get. So on we walked, down the road and through the town, onwards to our new school, and all that it held.
***
"Are you ready for this?" Twilight asked me.
I nodded my head in confirmation. "Yeah, as ready as I'll ever be."
"Okay then, it's time for your first day of school in Equestria," Twilight said.
We then walked through the entrance to the small school and up to the desk where Cheerilee was sitting. We were a few feet from the desk when she noticed us, and she walked over to greet us. Cheerilee was an earth pony with a mulberry colored coat and a lighter shade for her mane and tail with an even lighter shaded streak of it going through them. A smooth, light green eye color, and she had three- you better not even dare laugh- smiling flowers as her Cutie mark.
"Hello Twilight," she said in a cheery voice, then looked to me and my friends. "You must be Django, Lewis, T-boy, and Tyrence."
"Yeah, that's us, representin' room two-two-two special ed. style," I said in a ghetto voice.
She blinked at me. "Uh, well we're happy to have you here, so why don't you all take a seat in the back row, and we can get started."
I turned to my friends to tell them what was going to happen. "Okay, we're going to be sitting in the back row of the class. Even though we're all classified as 'mentally challenged', we're still gonna have to do some work, so pay attention."
They all groaned and rolled their eyes at me. "If you don't want to go to school, you can always help out working on the fields over at Applejack's farm."
After I said that they all followed directions very nicely indeed. They went to the back of the room and sat in the tiny desks that were provided to us, and assumed the positions that they usually did in school when they were bored.
I sat closest to the window and put my pack over the back of my seat and got ready for some lessons, pony style.
"Good morning class!" Cheerilee said.
"Good morning Miss Cheerilee!" the class responded in unison.
She smiled at all of the kids in the room and then cleared her throat. "Today we have some new students. I would like you all to meet Django, Lewis, T-boy, and Tyrence."
The entire class turned around to look at us- god I hated being stared at- and we all just looked back. This went on for a few minutes before Cheerilee started speaking again. "Well, why don't you go ahead and introduce yourself Django?"
I stood up from my tiny chair in the back of the room and looked over the small ponies in the room with me. They were children, probably no more than ten or eleven years old, and here I was, sixteen and towering over them like... well, a tower. I coughed a bit to clear my throat, and started to speak to them. "My name is Django, and these are my friends. We're from the planet Earth, we don't like going to school, and we eat meat."
Might as well start turning on the charm early on, eh Django?
All of the students in the room grew wide-eyed at my introduction of us, and I was glad. I was trying to make myself sound as antisocial as possible to avoid having to deal with the local kids wanting to make friends. But when I thought about it, I kind of wanted to be friends with certain ones, but I guess old habits die hard.
"That was, um, a lovely introduction Django. Go ahead and sit back down and we can start the lessons for the day," Cheerilee said in a slightly disturbed sounding voice.
I sat back down in my seat and closed my eyes for a short time, pretending to be asleep. I heard Cheerilee writing on the chalkboard, I heard kids whispering about us, and I heard a few things said about us that I would find the person who said them later and have a little chat with them involving my fists. But the most interesting thing I heard had to be from three familiar voices. Those voices would belong to Applebloom, Sweetie Bell, and Scootaloo, and they were talking about us in a way that I found most intriguing indeed.
"Do you think they have their Cutie marks?" Applebloom asked to the others in a hushed voice.
"Do you think they even know what Cutie marks are?" asked Sweetie Bell in the same tone as her friend.
"I bet they know how to get a Cutie mark no problem. We should ask them to join the Cutie Mark Crusaders!" Scootaloo whispered to her friends.
They went on like this for a short time until Cheerilee finished what she was writing on the chalkboard and started the lesson.
"Okay class, today we're going to be learning about proper writing skills," Cheerilee said, and then the whole class groaned. "Now, now, I know this isn't the most exciting topic in the world, but it is an important one. So, who wants to tell us what some important things are to pay attention to when writing?"
I raised my hand in the air.
Miss Cheerilee looked at me and smiled. "Yes, Django, what do you think is important when writing?"
"Well," I started, "you need to indent the first line in a paragraph, and you always need to capitalize the first letter of the first word in every sentence, and also capitalize proper nouns like names of people, or places. You need to remember to check your work for spelling errors too, and to make corrections on any of them that you see. You also need to remember to put more than just periods at the end of sentences; if you want emphasis on something, you need an exclamation mark, and if it's a question, you need a question mark. You can't jump from one topic to another in one sentence either, you need to end the sentence, or even the paragraph to change a topic. Also, if one sentence starts to run on, you can use a colon to combine two sentences that have something to do with each other. also proper punctuation marks are needed to show that there's a pause, or that it's a combination of words, an abbreviation, or if it's singular or plural possessive. Pacing in a story is important too; like if one second you have the guy walking down the street, and then all of a sudden he's getting drunk in a bar, it makes no sense. You have to build up to things, and not make them happen too fast or too slow to make them interesting. But most importantly, you need a strong plot line to the story that you're writing, and good characters as well. Nobody wants to read a story without a plot and poorly designed characters with bad lines, so you really need to know what you're doing in order to write a decent story. But all of that's just the beginning; there's loads of other stuff to learn, but all of that would take days to learn if you don't already know something about writing a good story already, so I'll leave it at that."
By the time I was done speaking, the whole room, including Miss Cheerilee, was stunned into silence. I guess nobody thought that somebody as young as me could possibly know as much about writing as I do, and I do not hold it against them for thinking that.
"Th- that was a very good answer Django! That's amazing that you know so much!" Cheerilee exclaimed.
I bowed my head a little bit, accepting the praise.
"How do you know all of this?" Cheerilee asked.
"Well," I said, "I'm a writer and an editor back home, and people always said I was good at it, so I just did all I could to get better."
"You're a writer back on your planet?"
"Yeah. But I'm nothing super special or anything, but I'm pretty good at it."
"What kind of things do you write about?"
I thought for a moment about my answer. "Well, I mostly write fiction and fantasy, but I do other things on requests too."
"Well, it's good to know that somepony in my class knows something about how to write," she said, obviously addressing her regular class. She then turned around to write something on her chalkboard and a lot of students took that as their cue to turn around in their seats and glare at me. But I was not like normal kids, so I just glared right back, daring them to do something, and I actually saw some of them flinch away from my cold gaze, and that brought a small, twisted smile to my face.
Cheerilee turned around, and I instantly went back to how I looked before, and she only caught the kids that were looking back at me, so I got a small chuckle out of that. After she told them all that they were going to be spending recess inside, writing down how you should not be angry at people who knew more about something than you did, the bell rang, and I saw that all of the kids who were allowed to go outside cheer and ran out of the room and onto the playground.
I stood up and motioned for my friends to follow me, and we went out of the building and onto the playground where all of the little kids were having a good time. I looked all around us and saw a secluded corner in the small area and started walking straight towards it. Once we were there I could see that we were out of the viewing range of most of the playground and was glad of it. I was not allowed to gamble in school back home, so I doubted that it would be okay here.
"Okay, y'all up for a game of AK-47?" I asked my friends.
"Yeah man, let's play," T-boy said.
The other two just sat down on the ground and I dealt out four hands and started up the game. We went for about five minutes before T-boy won the first hand, and I dealt a second hand. This time it lasted longer, and I had won the hand, but that was not all, we now had the attention of two particular nasty little bullies, and they were walking right towards us.
"Hey guys," I said, "there's two younger ponies coming towards us right now. They aren't very friendly, so just keep playing and let me deal with them."
The others looked at me and nodded, letting me know that they'll let me handle it.
They walked right up to us and saw that we were playing cards. "Oh look Silver Spoon, the new kids are playing a little game," said a small pink earth pony with a light purple and white striped mane and light blue eyes wearing a tiara encrusted with diamonds.
"Oh wow Diamond Tiara, I bet they're having, like, so much fun!" said a grey earth pony with a two-tone silver streaked mane and tail with a braid in the back of her head and light purple eyes.
"So, are you having fun new kids? Do you like playing your little game?" Diamond Tiara asked snidely.
"Eeyup," I said, "we sure are."
They both laughed loud enough to draw the attention of the whole school over to us, so after only a few seconds, the entire school was watching us with interest.
"I bet you are new kid, and I bet you enjoy showing off how much of a nerd you are too."
I did not even look away from my hand of cards. "Trust me kid, there's a difference from being smart and being a nerd."
I could see her take on an offended look out of the corner of my eye. "I am not a kid, I'm almost eleven years old!"
"Oh really now? Well guess what, I'll be seventeen in a month, and do you know what that means?"
She looked confused, and I did not give her a chance to answer. "It means that as long as I do it within the month, I can still beat you black and bloody and not get in any trouble."
Her eyes widened considerably when I said that. "No you can't! My daddy's rich, and he'll make sure that you get sent to jail if you do!"
I did not like people threatening me, and I really did not like kids talking to me like they were better than me, so this got on my nerves. I looked her straight in the eye. "Listen kid, if I were you, I'd leave before I got angry."
She scoffed at me like she did not believe me. Big mistake. "What are you going to do? Get me in trouble with Cheerilee? I've gotten out of trouble before, and I can do it again, so you should be the one to watch out for me getting angry."
I was nearing the end of my very limited pool of patience. "I'm going to tell you one more time kid, leave before I make you sorry for trying to fuck with me."
"Um, Diamond Tiara, maybe we should-" Silver Spoon started, but was cut short by Diamond Tiara.
"Is that a threat?! I'll have my daddy throw you in jail for that you loser!"
When she said that I stood up so fast that she fell back in surprise. I grabbed her by her mane and lifted her up in the air. "Listen here you little shit!" I yelled in her face. "You'd better stop talking to me like you're better than me or I'll fucking eat you!" Her eyes got huge when I said that. "I haven't had any meat in my diet since I got here, and I bet you'd taste so good." I opened my mouth and put my teeth on her neck and bit down slightly. Just enough to hurt her. "I'll do it, right here in front of everybody. I'll rip your throat out with my teeth, and I'll drink your blood like it's cherry soda. I won't even bother cutting you up either. I'll just stick a big spike through you and roast you over an open fire, and you'll taste so fucking good!"
She squirmed in my grip, but only ended up cutting her neck on my teeth. "P- please, I'm sorry. Please don't eat me!"
I took my teeth away from her throat, but not before I licked up the small amount of blood that had escaped her neck. I licked my lips in showing that I liked the taste of it, and then I dropped her and she hit the ground with a "thump".
I looked down at her with a sick smile on my face. "Now I know what you taste like, so you'd better behave, or I'll come back for the rest of it when you're sleeping," I said in a voice that belonged to a psychopath.
She instantly got up and ran away screaming at the top of her lungs away from the schoolhouse and towards the town. I looked down to Silver Spoon and raised an eyebrow. "You wanna join our game Silver?"
She blinked in surprise. "Wh- what?"
"It's Diamond Tiara that I can't stand. I actually don't really mind you all that much. So how 'bout it, wanna join our game, or do you wanna give me a taste of your blood too?" I finished saying that with a sick smile on my face and a light in my eyes that only comes out when I am doing things that I should not be.
"Um, h- how do I play?" she asked me.
I sat back down and patted the ground next to me, motioning for her to sit next to me. She walked over slowly and sat down next to me, but far enough away from me to have trouble reaching her. I picked up my hand of cards and showed it to her. "We're playing a game called AK-47; you need an ace, a king, a four, and a seven, and then you win. If you have a card that you don't want or don't need, you pick up another card from the deck and put the one you don't want down in the discard pile."
She studied my hand for a while, and then pointed at a six that I had. "So I want to get rid of that?"
I nodded at her. "Yeah, that's right." I then put the six in the discard pile and drew another card that was a seven.
"Hey, a seven's good right?"
"Yeah, but you see how I have another seven?"
She nodded at me. "Yeah, so I get rid of that one right?"
I shook my head. "No, no way. If they have an ace, a king, and a four, and I put down this seven, then they can pick it up and then they'll win, and we don't want them to win."
She nodded her head slowly in understanding. "Oh, I get it now."
I smiled at her like a father would smile at his son if he just hit a home run in a little league game.
Look at her, I thought to myself, only at it for a few minutes and already learning to gamble illegally. I wiped away a figurative tear from my eye. I'm so fuckin' proud of her!
In the end, she had won three hands in a row, and was feeling pretty good about herself. But all of the other kids wanted to try it, and I had gotten an idea. A terrible, evil, brilliant idea.
"This is fun and all, but do you want to play something even better?" I asked the crowd of kids.
They all nodded enthusiastically at my suggestion.
I reached into my pocket and pulled out four dice, one pair that was white with red dots, and the other pair was silver with black dots. "Let's play dice. It's a lot more fun than cards or anything like that."
They all agreed to it, and I knew that I had them.
"Hey guys," I said to my Human friends, "sit this one out; I'm about to do something that ain't quite legal."
They all nodded and smiled at me while backing up against the building as look-outs for anybody who would bust us, as was the protocol.
"Now," I said to the ponies, "to make this game as fun as possible, you need to put one bit in the center, and then you can bet."
They all looked confused when I said this. "Don't worry, you'll all get your money back afterwards. This is only to show you how it's played," I said in a reassuring voice.
They all got "Oh, I get it" faces and started putting bits into the center of the little ring that we had formed.
"Now, how this works is that you can bet for odds, evens, six and down, or seven and up. You can also bet on specific numbers, and your payout will be doubled, but it's a much less likely chance for you to win. Do all of you understand the rules?" I asked all of them.
They all nodded their heads, and I set the pair of white and red dice rolling on a bet to show them what it looked like. This "game" went on for a few minutes, and the hoard of bits was falling to me and a few others, and I decided that I wanted to raise the stakes. "Hey, you're all doing good at this, so why don't we play for real now?" I then pulled a bag of twenty bits off of my belt and put it in the middle. "You put in your lot, and winner takes all."
"But I thought that you said that we'd get our money back," I heard one of the kids say.
"Yes, yes I did say that. So, if you few will be so kind as to give them back their money- OR... you can bet that, and I'll double it if you win, and you all walk away richer."
They got very quiet after I said that, and I knew that they would need some convincing. "Do you see my pile of bits? Now look at all of their bits. They have a much better chance at winning than I do, and if they win- which they have a good chance at doing so- then you all get not one bit back, but two bits."
They all looked at each other, and then at me. "Will you really double our money if we win?" asked a pony from somewhere in the small crowd.
I smiled at them all. "Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye," I said as I did the motions of a Pinkie promise. That was good enough for them, so they agreed that the kids who had already won a bunch of times would try to beat me.
I bet small amounts at first, and purposefully tried to lose. I put on a worried face after the third time, but then I won half of it back, and regained my confident look. But as recess neared its end, I knew that I would have to make my move, and soon.
"Hey, recess is almost over, so why don't we go all-in and settle who wins it?"
The three that were playing looked uncertain of my suggestion, so I tried to convince them. "I'll even let you all team up, so that if any of you win, you all still win." They all smiled at my idea and pushed all of their money into one big pile, and moved to sit next to each other.
"I think I'm going to win though, so do you guys want some extra help?"
They looked all excited, probably because they had no idea that I was about to cheat them out of all of their money.
"Yeah!" one of them yelled.
"Give us all the help you can Django," another said.
"I bet with this help, we'll take all of his money, and be the richest kids in Ponyville!" the third one exclaimed.
It did my deviant heart good to see that there are grade A suckers on every planet that will fall for my scams. This scam being the "Silver Dice" scam, I pulled out the second pair of dice and handed them over to the three kids sitting across from me.
"Is this the help?" one of the kids asked.
"It sure is kid," I said.
"How will another pair of dice help us?" a second one asked me.
"Because," I said slowly, "these are special dice. Whenever these are used, I always win. So I want you to use them, so you can have all the chance in the world."
Yeah, to feed my pockets!
The one sitting in the middle of them them picked up the dice and called his bet. "We bet odds." He then shook the dice in his hoof and launched them across the ground. They rolled for a short time, and then they both stood an edge. One going to land on either a five or a six, the other going to land on either a one or a two. The first of the dice fell on the six, so all I needed was for the other to land on the two. It started to lean towards the one though, so I reached into my pocket and turned on the small device that is connected to the dice and spun the wheel in the other direction. It wobbled for a short time, but after a second it landed on... the two.
"Oh, I'm sorry for your loss kids, but that's how the dice fall." I then scooped up all of my winnings and put them in the small pouch that I carry around with me to keep my money in. I had come to school that day with twenty bits, and now I had nearly twenty more. It was not a big win, but it was still a win, and I take wins whenever I can get them.
"W- we just lost all of that money..." one of the kids said slowly.
"Yeah, that tends to happen when you're dealing with me, so let that be a lesson to you kids. You should know you're not supposed to gamble in public; it's illegal y'know." With that I walked away from the kids and over to the front of the school house just in time to make the bell.
I saw Cheerilee sitting at her desk looking over some papers, and she looked my way as I walked in with my friends. "So how was your first recess here Django?"
I thought for a moment before answering, but it was only for show, I already knew what I was going to say. "Well," I said, "I think it was pretty good actually."
She smiled at me warmly. "That's good Django. Now the day is half over, and you've spent a lot of the time having fun."
"Wow," I said, "I could get used to school being like this."
***
The rest of class time was spent by doing some math, and a few social studies related things. That, and having kids asking me for their money back, and me telling them in the politest way that I could to fuck off. So all in all, my first day of school in Equestria was not all that bad. It was almost time to go, and I think that me and Silver Spoon were friends, but I was not sure. I had also talked a bit with the CMC, and they invited me and my friends from Earth over to their clubhouse after school.
"Well, that's all for today class. I'll you all tomorrow morning at ten o' clock."
I was stuffing my extra supplies into my pack and my friends were doing things along those same lines, but we were interrupted by Cheerilee. "Django, can I talk to you for a minute?"
I looked at my friends. "Hang here for a second, I'll be back."
They all nodded at me, and I turned around and walked over to Cheerilee's desk to see what it was that she wanted. "Yeah Cheerilee; can I help you with something?" I asked her.
She looked at me with a warm smile, and I felt a strange bolt of happiness go through me. I did not like this feeling, so I crushed it with the massive amounts of hate that I have stored inside of me. "I just wanted to ask if you and your friends would be interested in some extra-credit work," she said.
I blinked once and rubbed my neck. "Uh, the thing is, we're not too fond of doing extra anything for school..."
"Well it would be very simple, all you have to do is study somepony and write down if they're different from a person on your planet and in what ways," she said in a cheery voice.
"Oh, well that's pretty easy, and we could use all the credit we can get." I nodded my head at her. "Yeah, I'll talk to them real quick, hold on."
I then walked over to where my friends were standing, waiting for me. "Uh, guys, here's the thing, Cheerilee's offered us an extra-credit assignment to do, and it's way easy. We'll probably get out of doing shit tomorrow if we do it, so how about it?"
They looked at me l was crazy.
"Man, I don't like doin' normal-credit work. Why would I do extra work?" Tyrence asked me.
"Well, because if you do this one easy thing today, you might get out of doing a lot of hard things tomorrow," I responded.
They looked to be thinking it over for a short time while I stood there in front of them, and after a while, they agreed to do it. I walked back over to Cheerilee's desk to tell her that we would do the project. "Hey Cheerilee, we've all agreed that we want to do the project, but they got it in their heads that it'll get them out of doing work tomorrow, I don't know why."
"Oh that's great!" she said happily. "Do you have anypony in mind who you would like to study?"
I thought for a moment before answering. "Well, Twilight would have us up all night, and none of her friends are, um, let's just say regular enough to get accurate results. So no, I don't really know anybody who would fit the spot for a good study."
"Well," she said, "you could study me if you don't have anypony else you could do."
"You'd really let us use you as a study subject?" I asked her.
She nodded at me with a smile. "Yes Django, you and your friends can use me as a subject."
"Ah sweet, thanks Cheerilee."
"It's no problem Django," she said with a smile. She then looked thoughtful for a moment, but continued to speak after a short time. "You'll all need a pencil and paper, but that's about it."
"No worries, I have all of that in my pack," I said.
"Okay then Django, I don't want to keep you any longer than I have to, so we can keep it simple by going by the five senses."
I nodded my head slowly at her idea. "Yeah, that sounds like a good idea, nice and simple."
"Okay then, go tell your friends that we're ready to begin and we can start."
I nodded and walked over to where my friends where standing with bored expressions on their faces and told them what was going to happen. "Okay guys, I'll ask her five questions, you write down what I do, and then we can get the hell outta here, yeah?" They all agreed to my plan and I handed out pencils from my pack- because I can not even begin to count how many of those damn things I have in there- and took some paper from a nearby table. I led them to the desks directly in front of Cheerilee, and we began our extra-credit project.
"First question," Cheerilee began. "Do I look like a girl on your planet?"
I was a little surprised when she said girl. I expected her to say teacher or something like that, but it is her questions, so I answered them. "Nope, you look like a girl on this planet."
"Well, write that down as your first reason," she told me.
I wrote it down and showed the others how to write in Equine, and they wrote down their answers' as well.
"Second question. Do I sound like a girl on your planet?"
I thought for a moment to consider the question. Barring the local mannerisms, she sounded exactly like a girl on my planet would. "Yeah, you sound just like the girls back home."
She smiled at me. "See, this isn't so hard. You're already done with two of the questions."
I laughed a bit and wrote down the answer after showing my friends how to write this one.
"Okay, third question. Do I smell like a girl on your planet?"
This one was almost as easy as the sight question was. "No, all of the ponies around here each smell differently. It's kinda like if every one of them is wearing a different perfume."
She gave my words some thought for a few moments. "That's interesting that you would say that Django. I can't tell the difference between anypony by their scent."
"Hmm, weird... But I have another answer now." I then wrote down said answer and showed my friends- I really need to teach them the alphabet here- what to write. I looked up from Lewis's paper and saw Cheerilee take in a deep breath, and slowly let it out, like she was getting ready for something.
"Okay Django, fourth question. Do I... feel, the same as girls on your planet?"
I sat in my extremely undersized chair for a second just thinking about what she had just asked.
Does she really expect us to walk up there and feel her?
My answer came when she spoke again. "Django, you can come up here and feel me if you need to."
My jaw dropped. "There's no way you can be serious."
She smiled at me like she just had not asked a student to walk up to her and feel all over her. "Django, I know what you're thinking, and I can tell you now not to worry. It's just a school assignment."
I did not feel very comfortable doing this, but it was just something for school, so I decided that it would not hurt anything. I got out of the tiny chair I was sitting in and walked over to her. She smiled up at me as I stood in front of her, and I started to use my hands to find the answer to the question. It was weird and awkward, and I kept wishing that I had said no to this extra-credit thing, but it was too late now. I traced my fingers down her neck and along her back, following the spine. I circled back and went over her shoulders and put one hand on each foreleg. I then slid my hands back up and went back up her neck and through her mane, then finished by giving her muzzle a little rub.
When I took my hands away from her she look slightly disappointed, but quickly wiped the look off of her face. "Well?" she said slowly. "Does that answer the question?"
"Uh, y- yeah, I guess it does," I stammered out. I then walked back to the small desk and ignored the looks I was getting from my friends and wrote down the answer to the fourth question.
I had an idea of what it was that she was going to say next, and I was praying to everything that I believed in that I was wrong.
"Okay, now for the last question," Cheerilee said. "Do I taste like the girls on your planet?"
God damn it!
I was hoping against hope that she would not ask that, but it looks like I was in the shallow end of the pool when it comes to luck. I did not want to do this, I could not do this, and I was determined not to go along with Cheerilee's game any longer. "Cheerilee, there's no way I can find that out, so four out of five will have to do."
Her expression went from cheery to something a bit more... bedroom style. "Yes there is Django, and you and your friends can find out all of the ways that I'm different." She then walked right up to the tiny pony sized desk that I was sitting in and placed her front hooves on the top of the desk and got right in my face.
"Uh, what the fuck's goin' on?" I heard Lewis ask.
I did not take my eyes away from Cheerilee as I answered him. "She's asked us the sight, sound, smell, and feel questions, now she wants me to answer the taste question."
"But doesn't that mean you gotta taste her?" T-boy asked.
I did not answer his question, instead I gave him a command. "You three get outta here. Get back to the library and wait for me to get there. If I don't get back by night, tell Twilight that I'm in trouble and need help."
"How is she gonna understand us?" Lewis asked.
"Don't worry, she's plenty capable of figuring out a way to understand you." I looked over at them with a hard stare. "Now get going damn it!"
They all got up quickly and ran out of the school house's doorway before Cheerilee could stop them. She immediately got a panicked look on her face and pulled away from me. "Where are they going Django?!"
I got up slowly from the tiny desk I was sitting in. "They're going to the library Cheerilee," I said in a calm tone.
She got even more panicked when I told her that. "Why are they going there? Did you tell them to get Twilight to come and get you?!"
I took slow steps over to where she was and stood there, looking down at her. "No, I just told them to be worried if I don't come back by nightfall."
She looked at me, and I could see that she was extremely confused, but I did not think any less of her for it. "Why would you tell them to leave, but not tell them to tell anypony what's going on here?"
I went down on one knee so that I was closer to eye level with her and I smiled wickedly. "Because I don't like to share," I said with a growl in my voice.
Her eyes grew huge as understanding dawned on her, and then she gained a cocky smile. "Well, if you didn't want to share, you could have just said so and I would have arranged a private tutoring session."
My smile grew wider and I opened my mouth to say the thing I had always wanted to say in a situation like this. "Miss Cheerilee, I didn't do my homework, am I in trouble?" I asked innocently.
She put on a predator's smile and answered. "Django, I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to punish you for that."
I could not help but be happy for myself for finding myself in this situation. I knew that I should not be doing it. But what can I say? my current situation is every boy's fantasy, and I was about to make it a reality.
Equis, Equestria, Ponyville I was walking down the road in Ponyville with a smile on my face and a spring in my step. It was a nice day, I had money in my pocket, and I was feeling damn good about myself. It had been about three hours since the beginning of my "assignment" that Cheerilee had given me, and I was heading back to the library. I was lost in my music and was not paying much attention to where I was going, so I occasionally bumped into a bush, or a cart, or a... building- hey, that building came out of fucking nowhere man- but other than my knock to my noggin, everything had turned out real nice that day. It is just a shame that a group of punks where about to ruin it. I was walking down the road, maybe five minutes from the library at my current pace, and I bumped into somebody. "Oh, my bad man." "Watch where you're goin' idiot!" I stopped where I was and pulled my headphones off of my head and let them rest around my neck. I looked down to see a light brown coated male earth pony with three blue horseshoes for a Cutie mark. "Hey man, I said I was sorry, lighten up." "I don't have to do anything monkey boy!" he yelled at me. I could feel the blood in my head start to heat up, and knew that I should just walk away. But that would not be the "Django" way of handling things, would it now? I put a scowl on my face and talked back to him in the same angry tone. "Listen friend, I don't know what's got you so pissed off, but it stops now." He shot me a death glare, and I just now noticed two more ponies a ways behind him moving closer. One was a dark blue pegasis with constellations for his Cutie mark, and the other was a blue unicorn with a safety pin for a Cutie mark. I had time enough to get the details from the other two before he started yelling at me again. "If you think you scare me, you're wrong monkey boy!" Him yelling was drawing a crowd around us, and I knew that I was now trapped in a mob of people with an idiot who had a mouth bigger than his brain. The crowd was only going to make him get louder and more determined to do whatever it was that he was planning, so I had to prepare myself for the worst. "Friend, you don't want to be doin' this, trust me on this one," I said balling my hands into fists. "Just go back home and leave me the fuck alone." The other two were standing right next to him now, and they did not look like they were happy with me. "You don't belong here freak!" the unicorn shouted. "Yeah, go back home you freak!" the pegasis added. The earth pony in the middle was sneering at me now, and I was almost at the end of my rope. "See freak? Nopony likes you, and nopony wants you to be here. So just get lost!" "Okay friend," I said warningly, "I'ma count to three, and if you're not gone by two, you're gonna be hurtin'." "Oh yeah freak? And what happens at three?" the unicorn asked. "If you're not gone by two, I'll hurt you so bad that you won't be able to walk tomorrow, and if you're still here after that, then I'm gonna kill you," I said smoothly. The crowd around us gasped when they heard me say that, but I did not care at that moment what the crowd thought. I only wanted to hurt the three little ponies in front of me, and I would use any excuse to do so. "Is that a threat freak?! Because I can get you thrown in jail for that!" one of them yelled, but I could not see which one of them said it through the red haze in my eyes. "One." They did not give me the chance to get to two, because right after I spoke, all three of them rushed me, and I knew that I was smiling like a lunatic. "TWO!" I yelled as I swung a fist into the unicorn's jaw, knocking him back a few feet. I was not fast enough to get the other two, so I jumped back to allow myself some elbow room. "You're dead freak!" I just laughed at him and balled my hands together into fists so hard that my knuckles cracked. They charged me and I ran forward, colliding with them so that we were a ball of fists, hooves, and blood. I was swinging hard enough to break the skin on their faces, and on my knuckles, so there was blood flying, but I did not know which drops belonged to who. I could hear the crowd yelling in the background, but it just sounded like a static hiss to me. I hit the pegasis in the jaw and heard a loud cracking sound, but it only stunned him and he did not stop fighting. I actually admired his spirit... Too bad I had to brutally beat it out of him. I took a hoof to the chest but did not feel anything at all. I turned to my left a little and swung a fist at the earth pony and caught him right on the ear. He backed up screaming for a second, and I ran forward and bulldosed him onto the ground. I was on him the second he fell, hitting him over, and over again in the face. I would have kept going, but a huge bolt of lightning hit me in the side and blasted me away. "You think you can fight a unicorn, freak?! Well go ahead and try to beat me, but you're gonna end up fried!" I looked over and saw the unicorn advancing on me. I had to get up quickly, or I would end up looking like that baby who got confused with a turkey in a second. I rolled to my left, avoiding another bolt of lightning, and then jumped to my feet. I ran forward before he could send another bolt my way and landed a solid hit to his face. He stumbled backwards, but managed to conjure up a small puff of fire to singe me as I came after him. I was just about to knock his jaw loose, but I got blindsided by the pegasis and fell to the ground. "Yuh're gu'uh pay for mah jaw f'eak!" he yelled with a slur. I had clearly broken his jaw, and he was not too happy about it. He was getting good hits on me while I was on the ground, but I kneed him in the stomach and he lost his breath. I was going to beat him with my fists, but I saw a bolt of- you guessed it- lightning coming at me, so instead I grabbed him and used him as a shield. "Aaaaahhhhhhhh!" he screamed, and then fell limp onto the ground once I released his body. I instantly charged the unicorn, and unfortunately for him, he did not have enough time to cast another spell. I reached him and grabbed his horn, then pulled back as hard as I could, making his neck bend so far back, that it cracked from the strain. He fell to the ground screaming in pain, and I planned on ghetto stomping him, but something had just jumped onto my back and was hitting me on the side of my head. "I'm gonna kill you freak boy! I'm gonna kill you!" the earth pony yelled into my ear. "Not if I kill you first you little fucker!" I yelled back at him. I tried to pull him off of me, but I could not get a good grip on him, so I just started elbowing him in his sides. After my third hit I heard a bone crack, and the same thing happened on the fifth and sixth hits. He was barely striking me now, but I was not finished with him yet. I jumped up and leaned on my back so that I would fall right on top of him. When we hit the ground, I heard a few more cracks, and I knew that I had hurt him bad. I rolled off of my back and got to my feet in time to see the pegasis running at me clumsily. He was almost within striking distance, but at the last moment I moved to the side and let him fall forward on his face. While he was down, I grabbed his wings and pulled them up high. Once they were at full extension, I kicked the middles so hard that they nearly got ripped off of his back. I knew for sure that they were broken by the sickening crunching sound that they made when I kicked them, so I let his wings go and turn to face the unicorn that was slowly standing up. "You still wanna fight friend?" He looked less angry now, and a lot more scared than anything. "I- I don't-" but I cut him off. "Well I still want to, so you'd better get ready," I said while walking towards him. He tried to move, but just fell back to the ground in a pained heap. I got to him and grabbed him by the throat and pulled his face up towards me. I hit him hard, and then I hit him harder, and then I just rained down blows to his face until my hand was sore. I had broken his nose, busted his lips, blackened his eyes, and basically turned his face into a wet, bloody, reddish pulp. "Uhgg." I turned around to see the earth pony trying and failing to stand back up. I walked over to him and gave him an almighty kick in the side, and I thought that I heard another of his ribs break. "P- please, no more!" I kicked him again, then again, and again, and again, and again. It was better than sex, and I could not get enough of it. I stopped on his ribs and stomped down as hard as I could on one of his legs and heard a loud "crunch". He was past the point where he could scream now, so it was getting a little boring. I stopped for a second to decide what to break next, and I noticed something that I should have noticed a while ago. The crowd had stopped yelling for the fighting to stop, and were now just staring at me with horrified expressions. I looked all around me at the ponies circling me, and saw nothing but fear and horror on their faces. I heard something coming from the back of the crowd, and it sounded like it was making its way towards the front. I tried to get a better look at what it was, but could not see past all of the ponies standing in the way. But I was not left wondering what it was for long, because after only a few seconds Twilight, Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, Applejack, Pinkie Pie, and Rarity burst out of the crowd. "Django, what happened to you?!" Twilight screamed. There were tears in her eyes, but I was not sure why. "Twilight, what's wrong?" I asked her. She ran up to me and threw her hooves around me- well, my mid-section anyways- and started at me with a barrage of questions. "What happened here Django? Are you okay? Did they hurt you? I think we should get the authorities. Do you need to go to the hospital? Do-" I put my hand over her mouth to stop the flow of questions. "Twilight, I'm not the one who got hurt. They are." I then jerked my thumb over my shoulder towards the three ponies laying on the ground in agony. "I wouldn't mind something for the pain in my hands, but that's all I'll need." By now the other five were crowding around me, making sure I was okay. I waved them away from me and said that I was fine. I did not want to stick around and wait for the royal guards to show up, so we all walked to the library. The guards already wanted me dead, and I did not want to give them a reason to come after me... some more.
*** I was standing in the center of the main room in the library, getting stared at by all six of my new girl- er, I mean marefriends. I hated getting stared at, so I just decided that I was going to be the first to speak up. "Why the hell are you all staring at me?" I asked, annoyed. "Well, Django, you're covered in blood," Twilight said softly. "Oh don't worry Twi', barely any of it's mine," I said in a reassuring voice. That did not seem to make her feel better. In fact, it looked to me like it just made things worse. "Django," Rainbow said, "I've been in fights before, so I can tell you that what you did to those three wasn't okay. You could get in some serious trouble with the guards for doing that to them." I scoffed at her. "If the guards want to fight me, I welcome the challenge." All of their eyes widened when I said that. "Django, I didn't take you for a violent trouble maker!" Rarity exclaimed. I glared at her with cold eyes. "Well then maybe you should fucking check me again then!" I half growled half yelled at her. She recoiled at my words, and I immediately regretted saying them. I should not have yelled at her like that; I knew better than to let my emotions get the better of me. "I- I'm sorry Rarity, I didn't mean to yell at you." "Well, what did you mean to do then?!" she asked, hurt. "It's my anger problems," I told her in a guilty voice. "They can get out of control sometimes, and I guess the fight was enough to get me heated." They all looked at me worriedly, and I did not take any offense to them giving me those looks. I was dangerous, even on my planet. And I have hurt people that I never meant to because of my problems. "Um, Django?" said a quiet voice off to one side. I looked over to see Fluttershy looking at me with a nervous expression. "If you have, um, problems, with anger, I think I might have something at my house that could help you." I looked at her, filled halfway with relief, and halfway with suspicion. "And what might that be?" I asked, crossing my arms. It is not like I did not trust Futtershy, it is just that I did not trust... well... anybody. "Oh, um, well, it's an old tea recipe that I use to calm down Angel when he gets into one of his moods. I've only ever used it for him, but it might work for you too Django." I thought about it for a few seconds before I agreed to let her try out the tea recipe. If it works on that horrible little rabbit, it is sure to do something for me, right?
*** I had come to Fluttershy's cottage with her so I could try out this "special tea" of hers. I had thought that while I was here it would be a good chance to see how my teacher, Ms. Francis is doing. I had not seen much of her since we have arrived here in Equestria, and I was hoping that she was fitting in nicely. "Hey Fluttershy, I've been wondering how ol' teach is doing." "Oh, she's been very helpful around the house Django," Fluttershy responded from the kitchen. "Oh, that's good to hear I guess. But how is she fitting in? Is she having any problems?" I asked. "No, not many at all. She's doing very well accepting all of this, in my opinion," she told me happily. "Well that's good to hear. But I have to ask, where is she exactly?" "Oh don't worry Django," Fluttershy called from the kitchen. "She's out getting some groceries for me. It'll only take her about an hour or so, but it'll be harder for her to carry everything back." "Hmm... Well, it's good to hear that you two are getting along," I said. I was still sitting on the couch in the living room of Fluttershy's cottage, holding my hands in front of me. Fluttershy had told me it would only take her a minute to make the tea, but it has been nearly half an hour now, and I was getting the feeling that she did not really know what to do. "Hey Fluttershy, are you alright in there?" I asked loudly. "Oh yes Django, I'm almost finished with your tea," she answered pleasantly. I was getting bored and angry. A very bad combination for me. I was ready to leave and find other ways to satisfy my blood lust. Those idiots in town woke up a monster that was inside of me, and it needed to be fed. "Hey Fluttershy, if you can't make the tea, I'll leave. I don't want to take up too much of your time." That was not why I wanted to leave at all, but why should I hurt her feelings just because I am an asshole? She zoomed to the doorway of the kitchen as soon as I said that. "No! I'm almost done, I swear!" I just blinked. "Uhm, I mean, I'm almost done with your tea, I just have to pour it," she said sheepishly. She then hovered back into the kitchen and emerged a few seconds later with two cups of steaming blue liquid. "Huh, I've never seen blue tea before," I said. "It's a very special recipe Django, I'm sure you'll love it," she said happily. She passed me one of the cups, and I swear, it was way more full than the other one. It was a small cup, even by pony standards, so I decided that I would just have to sip it really slowly. I raised the cup up to my lips and started to slowly sip it. "No! Not like that!" I was so startled by her outburst that I nearly dropped the cup on the ground, and I did manage to spill some on me, scolding my skin. "Ow, fuck!" "Oh no, I'm sorry!" "God damn it, my fucking face is melting!" "Django, I'm so, so sorry! I didn't mean to scare you!" "It hurts like hell Fluttershy! Why in fuck's name did you do that?!" "I- I'm sorry Django, it's just that, well, you're not supposed to sip it. You have to drink it all at once because it's not a very good tasting recipe." I touched my fingers to my scolded face and winced when I could feel it sting like a wasp had attacked me. "Well, you could have told me that without making me burn my face off." She hid behind her mane and mumbled an apology to me, and I instantly felt bad for yelling at her. "Damn it Fluttershy, I didn't mean to yell, I'm sorry." She looked at me and smiled a little bit. "That's okay Django, I know that you're a little edgy right now." I nodded to her and held up my little cup. "Well, to forgiveness then." I then drained the cup in a single gulp, and I thought I felt something small and round go down my throat. "Um, was there a pill in my tea?" "No, it was a small clump of some herbs that grow in my garden." I smacked my lips at a faintly familiar taste. "This tastes familiar; what kind of plant did you use?" She motioned for me to follow her. "C'mon Django, I'm don't know if you'll know it by name, so I'll just show you what I used." I followed her out into her backyard and over to her garden. She showed me an assortment of plants, but none of them I knew. A few looked like some plants I had seen in the West Side Market, but I had no clue as to what their names might be. I did not know any of the plants... except one of them. We had gotten down to the very last few plants, and I instantly recognized them. They were impossible to mistake. With their rough texture, and the seven spikey shards on their leaves, and the beautiful aroma that I lived for. "Oh my god, that's a fucking tree!" She looked at me oddly. "Um, no, it's not a tree Django. It a medicinal plant called Ponyjuana." I could not believe my eyes. There was a weed tree almost up to my chest right in front of me! I reached out and ran my fingers over the leaves and felt the wonderful feeling of me about to get as high as a cloud. "Hey Fluttershy?" "Yes Django?" she answered. "You want to help me feel better, right?" "Well of course I do Django. I can't have you feeling bad all day." "Well if you want to make me feel better, you can start by letting me take this plant back to the library." "Well, why do you need the whole plant?" she asked curiously. I looked at her with crazy eyes. "'Cause I'm gonna get myself feelin' as good as I can." She looked at me like I was crazy, and right then, I felt like I was. "Um, well okay then, you can have the plant." I ripped it out of the ground as soon as she said that. "Thanks Fluttershy, and if you feel like setting me up with any of the other plants, don't hesitate to ask me for a few favors." She cocked her head to the side in confusion. "What kind of stuff can you do?" I walked over to her and crouched down in front of her. "I can do anything you want baby," I said in a silky voice. She blushed brightly and I leaned forward and kissed her lightly on the tip of her nose, then stood up and sprinted back to the library, waving goodbye to Fluttershy as I went. I was sprinting past startled ponies all the way down the street and to the library. On the way there I had knocked a few to the ground, but I was in a hurry and could not be bothered to stop and watch where I was going. I had almost ran straight into a cart full of carrots, but I skillfully jumped over it, leaving more than a few locals staring after me in awe. I did not even bother to think about how much I hated that while I was running. Mostly because I was busy thinking about all of the awesome things that were about to happen. I was running for what felt like forever since I was in a hurry, but I eventually made it to the library. I burst through the doors and bolted down the basement steps and strode to the center of the little space the juniors called home. Lewis and T-boy were on the small couch eating bread smeared with something that looked like chocolate mixed with peanut butter, and Tyrence was sitting on his bed rapping to himself. I walked over to the small chair that was next to the couch and sat down on it with the plant in my hands. T-boy sniffed the air, then instantly turned to face me with wide eyes. "Oh my god, is that weed?" I nodded slowly. "Eeyup, it sure as fuck is man." I then looked over to where Tyrence was sitting. "Yo, Tyrence, get over here! I got somethin' to show ya!" "I'm busy!" he shouted back. "you're not too busy for this, so get over here!" I yelled back. "Man..." He got up and came over to where we were and saw what I was holding. "Is that a weed plant?" I nodded again. "If it looks like weed, and it smells like weed, then it's probably weed." T-boy and Tyrence both came over to where I was sitting and got a closer look at it. After a short time they decided that it was a good tree, and T-boy opened up his pack and pulled out a small box containing his stash of papers. I handed the tree to Tyrence so he could work with T-boy on making the weed smokable, then I went over to the door to the main room and locked it. I did not want anybody coming in and interrupting us having a good time with the most amazing plant in the world. I walked back over to the couch and saw that T-boy already had two joints rolled up and ready to go. I picked one up and put it to my nose so that I could get a better smell of it, and let me tell you, it smelled great. "Man, hold up until I get the other ones ready." I realized that I had taken out my Zippo lighter and was about to light up without even thinking about it. "Oh shit, my bad man." I then put down the joint and waited for T-boy and Tyrence to finish making the others. I was a heavy user of weed, but I did not know anything about making the stuff ready to smoke. "Django man, are you really gonna smoke that?" a voice asked from my side. I turned and saw Lewis giving me a disapproving stare. He did not smoke weed, and he was always saying that we should stop smoking it. I do not think I could see myself without weed in my life, and the same could be said about T-boy and Tyrence. "Lewis, I'm not gonna stop smoking just because you say so. If anything, you should join us man. I know you'll like it." He did not answer me. Instead he just got up and walked over to the door, opened it, and walked out of the room and up the stairs. I shrugged my shoulders. "More for me." "The weed's ready man," T-boy said from my side. I looked over to him and reached my hand out. "Gimme some of that weed man, I need it bad." He put a joint in my hand and I then put one end of it on my lips and lit the other end with my silver Zippo. I gave it a second to catch, and then I took a few small puffs to get it going. My friends- or at least the ones who liked weed- were all doing the same thing. With it burning nicely, I inhaled deeply, and my mind was assaulted by a high that I have never felt before. It was like all of the weed I had ever smoked before had come back and gave me their highs all over again, but all at once. I felt so good that I mentally swore to myself that I would never smoke any other weed than this ever again. It was like nothing I had ever experienced before. I felt like I was moving in slow motion, and it was totally awesome. But I also felt like I had super powers or something from the weed, and I was going to try them out. I could see all of the colors in the room brighten so much that they looked like neon lights. The room was spinning slightly, and I felt a little off balance. I could hear sounds that I could not hear before, like the heartbeats of T-boy and Tyrence. I could hear the hoofsteps of Twilight from upstairs. I could hear the door leading to the basement open and close. And I could hear Twilight muttering to herself about something. I tried to stand up from my chair to meet Twilight at the stairway so that she would not see the joints stacked up in a little pile. I made it half-way out of my chair, then I fell to the floor and the world starting spinning around like I was on that ride in the carnival that spun so fast that you could crawl around on the ceiling. The door opened to reveal Twilight, but I only saw her for a split second before the room kept spinning. She looked a little scared from what little I saw of her, and I could not help but wonder why. But my thoughts were interrupted by two hooves gripping the sides of my face, and the world stopped spinning. I now had a clear view of Twilight's face right in front of mine. I was right when I said she looked scared, because that is exactly what she looked like. "Django. Django! Django, are you okay?!" She was so loud that I felt like my ears were going to rupture. But the weird thing was that even though it was loud as hell, it sounded so muffled that I almost could not understand her. "What?" She got an even more scared look on her face and lit up her horn. Nothing happened at first, but then she put more power into her spell and an overglow appeared on her horn. She was still holding my face so she was close enough to touch her horn to my head, and that is exactly what she did after another overglow showed up as the power of the spell increased. I was blinded for a short moment, but then everything got so clear that it hurt. All at once the beautiful colors faded back to normal, the sounds returned to their normal volume, and time returned to its normal speed. "Django, are you okay?" Twilight asked me, a worried expression on her face. I looked her straight in the eye. "I'd be better if you weren't crushing my face." "Oh, right, sorry," she said sheepishly releasing her grip on my face. I pushed myself up from the floor and looked around the room. I saw that the basement was completely trashed, and T-boy and Tyrence were both on the floor. But what was most shocking was that all of the joints were gone. I looked back to Twilight. "Twi', there was a stack of paper rolls with green stuff in them down here. Where did they go?" She looked confused, but also relieved to see that I was okay. "I don't know Django, the only people who've been down here all day are you three and a few of your friends from Applejack's farm," she said, her voice a little scratchy from the smoke floating around the room. "Django, I saw the smoke from down here and thought there was a fire. But since there's not, where did it come from?" I scratched the back of my neck. "Well, um, that there is a really good question. Why don't we discuss it over dinner; I'm starving." She looked at me oddly. "Django, it's only one o' clock in the afternoon." "What are you talking about? It was, like, six when I got back," I told her. "Yes Django, it was six o' clock when you got back yesterday," she said in a voice like I should have known this information. My eyes widened when I realized that I had been on my high for all of yesterday, and most of today. "Oh god, I must've been even more fucked up than I thought..." "What?" she asked. I looked at her. "Uh, nothing Twi'. But listen, what day is it?" "It's Friday Django," she said. "Don't you remember?" I gasped when I heard her. I remember something alright. Something that I absolutely can not afford to miss. "Uh-oh. I need to get ready Twilight, but thanks a million for reminding me what day it is." I ran past her into the bathroom and started up the shower. "Why? What's so important?" she asked from the other room. "Uh, I told the CMC that I'd help them get their Cutie marks today, and I almost forgot the meeting time," I said. She pushed the door open with a hoof and stood in the doorway. "But Django, I was sort of hoping that we could go somewhere this evening." I clenched my teeth together. "I'm sorry Twi', but from four to... I don't know, six or sevenish, I swore to help them." I then kneeled down so that I was close to eye level with Twilight. "But after that, I'm all yours," I said in a suggestive voice. She smiled at me happily. "What did I do to deserve you Django?" I put on an over exaggerated thinking face for a second. "Hmm, you probably pissed off the gods or something else equally bad," I said in a completely serious voice. We both shared a laugh, then she let me take my shower. I brushed my teeth, combed my hair, then messed up my hair, then I did all of the other things I do when I want to look good. It took me about an hour to do everything and to get dressed for my little outing. Everything was set, and I was ready. I felt kind of bad for lying to Twilight, but it needed to be done if I wanted to do this. I told her that I was helping the CMC, but in truth, I was going out to meet somebody. Somebody special, somebody amazing, somebody... beautiful. I was going out to meet the one and only, Derpy Hooves. And I was going to buy her a drink.
It was nearly four o' clock, and I was heading to Derpy's house- I realized that I did not know where she lived, so I had to find out from somebody on the street- to pick her and her daughter up. She said that she had a daughter, and I told her that I would buy them both something, so I was prepared to spend some money. It is not like I did not have a lot of money, but I just did not want to go through all of it too quickly. But I am not complaining, because I would do anything for Derpy.
I looked at my iPod clock and saw that it was almost ten till, so when I got there, we would be on our way. I was listening to my music as I walked so I could think clearly- I did not do so well when there is a bunch of noise everywhere- and remember where I was going. According to my internal sense of direction, I was almost there, so I turned the last corner, and there it was, Derpy's home. I could tell it was hers because of the mailbox with her Cutie mark on its side. I walked up to the front door and knocked loud enough for me to be heard throughout the interior.
"Just a second!" a voice called from within.
I smiled as I heard her voice. I always smile when I hear her voice. When I see her face, her smile. Just seeing her makes me happy, and I had no idea why, but I did not mind it too much.
"I'm coming, hold on!" the voice called to me again.
A moment later the door opened and standing before me, was Derpy Hooves. Her mane, her coat, her face, her eyes, her... everything really, was just as beautiful as the last time I saw her. "Hello Derpy, it's good to see you again."
She smiled brightly, and my smile grew. "Oh, hi Django! I was hoping you didn't forget our date today. I'm all ready, but Dinky is out with her friends, so it'll just be us."
I did not change my facial expression, but I was shooting confetti out of a canon in my head. With only Derpy, I could have a lot more freedom than I could if Dinky was with us. "That's too bad, I was hoping to see her again."
"Yeah, she said that you weren't in school today Django. Is everything okay with you?"
I scratched the back of my neck. "Uh, yeah, I'm fine. I just had to take care of some things concerning my friends," I lied.
She seemed to believe me. "Oh, okay then, are you ready to go?"
I nodded my head at her. "That I am, miss Derpy. I'm going to treat you to the finest food in Ponyville."
She put a hoof over her mouth and gasped. "Are you taking me to-"
"Cafe Corral? Why yes, yes I am," I said.
Her eyes grew wide. "That's one of the best places to eat in all of Equestria. How did you get a reservation so quickly?"
I tapped the side of my nose. "Magic."
She flew up and hugged me tightly. "You're amazing, you know that?"
I hugged her back. "Not nearly as amazing as you."
She broke away, and I felt a little sad inside. But what I feel does not matter, only she does. All I could think about as we walked side-by-side down the road is that she is the only thing in my life right now that could ever matter, and it confused me. I had thought that Twilight was the only one who mattered to me like this, but now I was feeling like the king of the world for just having made Derpy smile. I felt a kind of happiness that I have never felt before just being next to her, and I did not feel that with Twilight. I was so busy thinking about this that I barely heard Derpy talking to me.
"Django, what's it like?"
I shook myself out of my daze. "Hmm?"
"Being like you, I mean. What's it like?" she asked again.
"What do you mean?" I asked her.
"Well, you're so good at so many things, and ponies only have one thing that they're really good at. Do you have a bunch of Cutie marks under your shirt?"
I laughed a bit. "No, Humans are a lot different from ponies. For one thing, we aren't born with a special talent or skill for us. We have to develop skills. We need to get good at the things that we do."
She looked confused. "You don't have a Cutie mark?"
I shook my head. "Nah, I don't have, nor want one. I have too many skills to get them all branded on my back."
She nodded. "Yeah, I guess you would have a lot of them Django."
"Exactly," I said. "Wouldn't it look weird if I was walking around with, like, twenty Cutie marks?"
She giggled at that. "Yeah, that would be a lot."
We walked down the road for a bit longer until we came to our destination. We were seated in a booth near a window, just like I asked, and we were waited on by a very polite young mare. Derpy ordered a Daffodil and Daisy sandwich with hay fries. I just got a glass of water and nothing else- I had no interest in eating hay and grass. We talked about all kinds of things while we were there, and I was so caught up in her, that I lost track of the time.
***
Twilight was sitting in her kitchen looking at the clock on the wall. Django had said that he would be back by seven, and it was nearly eight. After what had happened to him in town the other day, she was getting worried that something bad had happened to him. She was sure that he could take care of himself, he was the one who put three full grown stallions in the hospital after all. But... what if something had happened to him? What if he was laying in a ditch dying somewhere and he was calling for help but nopony could hear him? What if... Oh sweet Celestia, she needed to go out and find him, now!
"Spike, watch the library, I'm going out!" Twilight called to her assistant and friend, Spike. She did not even wait for a response, instead she bolted out of the front door and down the road into Ponyville in search of her new coltfriend.
Where could he be? Why is he still nowhere to be found? What could have happened to him? There were far too many questions going through Twilight's mind to focus on just one of them.
"Oh Django, where are you?" she quietly asked the air around her. When she found him, she would hug him hard enough to crush him, then she would kill him, and then she would never let him out of her sight again.
She walked down the main road in town and asked anypony she came across if they had seen him, but they all said that they had not. She could tell that some of them were lying about seeing him, but she did not want to start anything that could cut into her time she had to spend looking for Django. She had no idea where he could be, so she had to look everywhere, and that was going to take too long. She needed a plan, and fast.
"Hey Twilight, how are ya?" a voice called from ahead of her. She looked up to see Applejack trotting towards her with a smile on her face. But as she came closer to Twilight, she became aware that something was wrong. "Twilight, what's wrong?"
Twilight looked deep into her friend's eyes and nearly broke down in tears. "Oh Applejack, it's horrible! It's absolutely horrible! Django left this morning saying that he was going to go help Applebloom, Sweetie Bell, and Scootaloo crusade today, but he's an hour late coming back and I'm so worried that something might have happened to him!"
Applejack's eyes widened and she looked at Twilight seriously. "Twi', the Crusaders said that they would be plannin' on how tah get their Cutie marks at their club house. They might still be there, so that's a good place tah start lookin' for 'im."
Twilight did not even wait to say thanks to her friend, instead she started sprinting toward the Cutie Mark Crusaders club house, hoping with all her being that he was there. Twilight had never run so fast before in her life. She ran fast enough to impress even Rainbow Dash, but she did not focus on how fast she was running, only on how far the club house was. If she held this pace, then she could get there in a matter of minutes, so she planned to do just that. She nearly knocked over vendor carts, vendor signs, and the vendors themselves as she ran as fast as she could to her destination. Nothing else mattered at that moment in her life. She had to find Django. She had to make sure he was okay. Because if he was not okay... She just could not bare it if he was hurt somewhere and she was unable to help him.
After nearly ten minutes of running at full tilt, she could finally see the CMC's club house. But what was more, she could see movement inside of it! She ran even faster than she was already running, and ran straight up the small ramp that allows access to the small club house in the tree. She burst through the doors and ran straight to the center of the small room. "Django, are you here?!" she screamed. She noticed that three pairs of wide eyes were now looking straight at her.
"Twilight, are ya alright?" Applebloom asked her.
Twilight ran right up to Applebloom. "Applebloom, where's Django?!"
"Uh... I don't know Twilight, ah haven't seen 'im since yesterday." she said in a hesitant voice.
There was a silence hanging in the air that seemed to suffocate the entire room after she said that. Did she hear her correctly? Did she just say that she had not seen Django since yesterday? There was no way she could have said that. She must have heard her wrong.
"What did you say?" Twilight asked in a squeaky voice.
"Um, ah said that we haven't seen 'im since yesterday, in class..." Applebloom said in a quiet voice.
Twilight could not believe what Applebloom was saying. They had not seen him all day, but he had said that he was going out to help them find their Cutie marks. If he was not here, then that meant that he had lied to her. He had swore that he would never betray her again, but he had lied to her. She did not know what to do, what to say. All she could do was walk numbly out of the small club house and down the dirt path back to town.
Django said that he loved her, right? No... He said that he cared about her. He had never said that he loved her, even after... No, she could not think like that. Maybe it was just a huge misunderstanding. Maybe he got sidetracked by something in town on the way home. That had to be it. He was on his way home now and here she was, worried that he had gotten into some sort of trouble. She was going to walk through the front door of the library and see him standing there with one eyebrow up and a smirk on his face and he will say something like "And here I was worried sick about you. You're grounded young lady!" Yes, that was all that had happened. This whole thing was just a crazy misunderstanding and he was at home waiting for her.
As Twilight realized what she thought must be the truth, she lifted her head and smiled. "Django is going to pay for making me worried tonight," she said to herself in a naughty voice. So she sped up, hardly able to contain her excitement for tonight and turned the last corned to head home and what she saw made her stop dead in her tracks. Django was there in front of her, and he was kissing that mailmare with the crooked eyes.
***
"And then the fire burned up the wick way faster than I thought it would, and I swear, I nearly lost my hands!" I said, laughing.
"Wow, that must've been one of your bad ideas," Derpy laughed.
We had long since finished our meals- or just water, in my case- and now we were swapping some stories from our past. She told me some great stories about how she went on a delivery job and nearly got eaten by trolls, and one story where she even had to battle a giant manticore named Chip-Tooth, with nothing but a rusty wagon wheel. Compared to her stories, my stories were seriously lame. But hey, there is just something about nearly losing your life from a giant, burning, backed up potato gun that makes people laugh.
"So Derpy, have any more tales to tell?" I asked her.
"Well, there was this one time when I-" but one of the staff working here interrupted her, and I had to bite my lip so I did not tear his throat out.
"Excuse me," he said in an uppity voice, "but we're closing now, so you'll have to take your leave."
"What do you mean you're closing?" asked Derpy. "The sign said that you don't close until seven thirty."
"Yes," said the staff member, "and it's seven thirty-eight right now."
My eyes widened when he said that. "What?! How can it be so late?!" I pulled my iPod out of my pocket and checked the time. Sure enough, there were the numbers seven thirty-eight, staring me straight in the face.
"Yes, so y-" the restaurant staff started.
"Yeah, yeah, I fucking know, we need to leave," I said in a bitter voice. I looked over to Derpy. "I guess we gotta leave, but I'd still like to hear that story," I said, half smiling.
She smiled and nodded. "Okay then Django, I can tell you on the way home."
I nodded my head at her, and then we both got up and walked, side-by-side, out of the front door and down the road to Derpy's home. It was an uneventful trip, except for the side splitting laughing that took place after Derpy finished her story. It truly was an amazing story. It was about how she had to bring a cursed book of spells to a snake sorcerer who turned out to be evil. Then she had to beat him in a staring contest and escape with the prisoners from the dungeon and destroy the book in the fires of a dragon's breath. She really was an amazing mare. So amazing that I wondered why she would want to hang around a loser like me. I mean, I do have the face of an angel, and the muscles of body builder. Not even to mention that I have an enormous-
"Hey Django?" Derpy said quietly.
I looked down at her with a smile. "Yeah Derpy?"
She did not smile back at me. She did not even look up at me. "Why do you like me?" she asked in a quiet voice.
I took a second to try to process what she asking, but I could not figure it out. I was not sure what she was trying to ask, but I felt that somehow, saying "Because you're way cool!" was the wrong answer. "What do you mean?" I asked in a voice filled with fake cheer.
"You're always hanging around Twilight and her friends. But now you want to be with me? Twilight and her friends are famous, and I'm just a mailmare. It just doesn't make any sense why you would want to be with me Django," she said in a serious voice. Then she looked up at me with a hard face. "Why do you really want to be with friends with me?"
We both stopped walking at this point. We were staring straight at each other. The smile was still on my face, but it was hollow. We were both silent for a while before I broke the silence. "Heh, I guess it's because we're the same."
She still looked serious, but confusion was mixed in now as well. "What do you mean?" she asked.
"Remember when you asked me what it was like to be like me?" I asked her, and she nodded. "Well the truth is that being me is hell. There's the never ending pain from my broken skull, the voices always yelling in my head, and the whole slipping into insanity thing. But that's the stuff I can deal with. The worst part about being me is the pictures and thoughts in my head about doing things straight from nightmares. everyday I wake up wanting to burn everything around me and to hurt everybody. I hate everything, and I can't stop it. At first I thought seeing a shrink would fix it, but the hate, the want to burn, only gets worse every day. I know I have to control it, but it's getting harder to stop myself from doing these things. I started off in life being tortured by everybody around me, and I couldn't do anything about it. I was always the odd man out, the weirdo... the freak. I know that you were picked on and teased relentlessly, and so was I. Derpy, I like you because you know what it's like to be the odd man out. You know what it's like to not fit in, no matter where you go or what you do. That's why I like you Derpy, because we're the same." I do not like talking about myself, but once I had started talking, everything just sort of came out all at once.
Derpy was speechless after that. She did not realize just how much of a fuck-up I really was. I would not even blame her if she walked away right now and...
"Django...?" Derpy said.
"Yeah?" I said back.
She flew up to eye level and got within my personal space. "You're right, I do know how it feels to not fit in."
"I know you do Derpy, and I'm sorry that that's true," I told her.
She got closer and put her forehead up against mine. "Can I tell you a secret Django?" she asked me softly.
"Yeah Derpy, you can tell me anything," I told her.
She took a deep breath, then she spoke. "You're really messed up Django."
I chuckled softly and smiled. "Yeah, just a bit."
I looked into her eyes, and I was amazed at how beautiful they were from this close up. But then she shifted, and I could feel her lips on mine, and I felt like I had molten fire running through my body. Kissing Twilight felt good, but this was beyond amazing. Kissing Derpy was better than any drug that I have ever done, better than any drink I have ever had, better than anything I have ever done in my life. I needed more, and I needed it now. I put both arms around her, one around her hips, one around her shoulders, and I pulled her closer to me. She must have felt the same thing that I did, because she wrapped both of her front legs around my neck and started pushing my head back with the kiss. I did one better and added tongue to the kiss, and she liked my idea judging from the soft moans she was making. Locked up in each other like that, Derpy did not even need to flap her wings to stay up, but her wings were beating hard enough to create a breeze strong enough to blow my hair around. The kissing was hard, hungry, and intense in a way that I have never before experienced, and I could not get enough of it. Now she was fighting my tongue with her own, and it added to the heat. But there was a heat building somewhere else too, and not above the belt line. From how she was pressed up against me, I knew that she could feel me, but she did not say anything about it, she just kept kissing me. This lasted another minute before she broke the kiss, and I saw a small line of saliva was visible trailing between our mouths. We were both panting, but not from lack of breath, but from the intensity of the kiss.
"Django, I never want you to leave," Derpy breathed onto my neck.
I kissed her neck gently and she moaned softly. "I'm never gonna leave you Derpy," I told her. "I promise."
She smiled brightly and kissed me again, then she kissed me harder. I kissed her back just as hard, and soon, it was a fight for dominance over the other. I admit it, she was a good fighter, but there was no way I was going to let her get the better of me. I pushed my tongue past hers and brought the fight into her mouth. But she fought back by rubbing herself against me on my manly areas. I let out a small groan and I could feel her smile in the kiss. I moved my grip on her upper body so I could tease the sweet spot all pegasi have between their wings. She moaned into my mouth, and I moved my other hand lower, and lower until I reached her flanks. While I rubbed her sweet spot I massaged her Cutie mark, making her squirm a little, but I just held her tighter. After a few seconds, I moved my hands lower, until I reached her tail. I brushed her tail aside, but she moved it back, so I moved it more forcefully this time, and she did not move it back in place. I could not see where my hand was, but I would judge its positioning by Derpy's reaction. I slid my hand slowly down, between her haunches. I was feeling light headed from the kissing, but I still had a good idea where my hand was going to end up. Derpy tried to say something through the kiss, but she was not able to. But I could guess that it had something to do with where my hand was. I was about to kick things up a notch, but...
"Django...?"
I stopped instantly. I knew that voice. Everybody in Ponyville knew that voice, which is why Derpy's eyes shot open the same time mine did. I broke the kiss and looked to my side, and I saw Twilight with an unbelieving expression on her face and tears in her eyes.
Oh no, I fucked up...
Twilight started to sprint off towards the library, tears streaming from her eyes. I looked back to Derpy. "Derpy, I'm sorry, but I have to go after her. I will see you again, and soon." With that I ran off after Twilight as fast as I could. I ran fast, faster than I ever remember running. I had to get to the library before Twilight did. If I could get their first, I could explain what happened. If she got there before me though, she would lock me out and I would never be able to talk to her. I was almost there, I had almost caught up to her. I was only about twenty feet behind her, but the library was coming up fast. "Twilight!" I yelled as loud as I could. "Twilight, stop!" She was at the door, and she looked back at me, and I nearly lost my balance and fell flat on my face from her expression of pure pain. Just as I reached the door she shut it and locked it.
I had messed up. I had messed up really bad, and I could not fix it. But just then a light appeared through the open doorway of the library. Twilight was letting me back in! "Twi' I- oof!" Something had flown out of the door and hit me on the chest hard enough to knock me down, then the door slammed shut and the light went out. All she had opened the door for was to throw something at me. I looked down at my chest where the object was that had hit me, and I saw that it was my pack. She had just thrown me out. It was really over. I could not believe it. I had finally found myself stuck in a problem that made it impossible to talk my way out.
I slowly got back up, and brushed the dirt off of my back. I picked my pack up and slung it on my back so that it would not get any dirtier than it already was and put my hands in my pockets. I heard wing beats behind me, but I did not turn around, I knew who it was.
"Django! Django are you okay?!" Derpy's concerned voice called from behind me.
"Yeah, I'm fine Derpy," I said in a low voice.
She flew up in front of me when she reached me. "I saw you get hit by that bag. I saw you fall down. Are you okay?"
"Yeah, don't worry about me Derpy, I'm fine." I sighed deeply. "You should go check on Dinky; it's late."
"Actually..." she said slowly, "Dinky is staying over a friend's house tonight, so it's just me."
I looked her in the eye and raised an eyebrow. "Really now...?"
"Yes, so since it looks like you got kicked out of the library, you could stay with me tonight," she said with a smile.
I smiled back at her wryly. "Well, if only to stay off the streets..." Nobody said I did not work fast. But in truth, I was already sealing away what had just happened with Twilight in a dark corner somewhere in the back of my mind. I have been through enough that stuff like this is old hat by now. I believe in not worrying about things that you cannot fix, so this thing with Twilight did not bother me too much. But enough about this, it was time for me to have a sleepover with Derpy Hooves. I turned to start walking down the road with her hovering by my side to her house, and that was when I saw the flames in the distance.
I stood, frozen in place in front of the library, looking off into the distance where there was a huge fire blazing not a mile away. It was not a small fire. No, it was a fire like nothing I had ever seen before. Bigger than my back yard bonfires. Bigger than when I set a pine tree on fire. Bigger than my house fire even. But that was not what had me worried. The part that made me worried was that the fire looked like it was burning at Sweet Apple Acres.
"Oh no..." I said, my voice shaky.
Derpy saw it too, and her eyes grew wide as she realized what we were looking at. I took a guess that she had never seen anything like this before from the shock that was visible on her face. "Is that-"
"Sweet Apple Acres?" I finished for her. "Eeyup, it looks like it."
She looked at me with wide eyes. "Django, we need to go see what's going on. If the farm's on fire, then we need to help."
I nodded. "Yeah, you're right. C'mon Derpy, let's go see if we can help out."
We started to run down the dirt road towards the farm. It was clear that there was an emergency at the farm, and I needed to get there as soon as I could so I could help. Applejack probably needed all the help she could get right now, and I was not going to hang back on the side lines. That is not how friends work.
I was not sure how long we had run for, but at the end of it, we were panting hard. It only seemed like we were running for a second, but I know that it was much longer than that. I know this because when you are panicking, time moves differently than it normally does. Sometimes it moves faster, and other times slower. I could not tell which it was this time, but I did not care. We were at the farm, and the barn was burning.
"Quick, get those buckets! Hurry everypony, we gotta get this fire down!" a familiar voice with a southern accent yelled. Applejack was shouting orders frantically at all of the ponies already at the farm helping get the fire under control. "C'mon y'all, we need to get as much water flowin' through them hoses as possible!"
I ran over to her and stopped a few feet short so I did not cross in front of a line of ponies carrying a huge water hose. "Applejack, what the hell's going on?" I asked her.
She just shook her head. "I don't rightly know Django. One second everythin's fine, and the next, the barn's goin' up in flames."
"How can we help?" I asked, getting straight to the point.
She was about to say something, but she hesitated.
"What? What is it?" I asked her.
"Well, it's your friends Django," she said slowly. "They haven't come out yet, and I think they might be in trouble, but we can't get the doors open to get to 'em."
I felt my blood freeze. The barn was burning down to the ground, and my friends were still inside of it. They might already be dead in there. But it does not matter if there is a chance of them being dead. That just means that there is a chance of them being alive too. "I'm getting them out of there." I said, matter-of-factly.
"But Django-" Applejack started.
"I'm going in there, and you can't stop me." I turned to face Derpy. "Derpy, I need you to help them put out the fire as much as you can. While I'm in there, every second counts, okay?"
She looked stunned that I was saying this. "Django, it's too dangerous!"
I walked up to her and put my arms around her. "Don't worry about me, yeah? I'm totally indestructible, so I 'll be fine."
She looked like she wanted to stop me, and she probably did, but she did not try to stop me. Instead, she kissed me, hard. It lasted only a few seconds, but it felt like a lifetime. I could feel the better-than-amazing sensation that I felt when I kissed her the first time, but I could feel something else too. I felt tears in the kiss. I pulled away to look her in the face, and I could see that she was crying. "Please be safe Django," she said in a choked voice, then she let me out of the lock I had not realized that we were in and I stepped back.
I saw Applejack giving me a look that could kill, but I ignored it. I ran up to the side of the burning barn and could feel the heat on my face like I was staring into a furnace. "Doors are for pussies," I said to myself. The I took a running start at the wall of the barn and smashed into it as hard as I could. The walls were weakened by the fire already, so it was easy for me to break through them. But as I did break through, I almost wish that I had not. It was so hot inside of the barn that I could hardly breathe. But I was on a mission, and I would not leave until I was finished. I needed to get my friends out of here, and I was going to.
I started walking along the side of the barn, avoiding the burning parts and covering my face with my shirt. "Hey, guys!" I yelled as loud as I could. But the roaring and the cracking from the fire was making it almost impossible to hear anything. I walked a little further, then I heard something.
"Help!"
I recognized the voice. It was Dante, screaming for help. I could hardly breathe, so I did not waste any breath yelling back at him. I just went over to where the voice was coming from and tried to find him. I was near the back of the barn now, looking back and forth when I saw something move. I walked over to it, and moved a crate that was in the way. Dante, and most of the others that were staying in the barn were back here, trying to break a hole in the wall. "There you are!" I yelled. "Where are the rest of y'all?!"
"They not here!" Bird yelled over the roaring of the flames.
I nodded. "Okay, follow me! There's a way out over here!"
They all got up and followed me over to where the hole was. The fire had spread since I had entered the barn, but the hole I had made was still mostly traversable. "Okay, Go out one at a time!"
The first out was Rasheed, then George, then Bird and David. But just when Dante was about to go through the hole, a burning beam of wood hit the level above us and brought down a shower of smoke and embers that blinded us for a short moment. When I had regained my sight though, I saw something horrible. The beam had brought down a part of the barn with it and now our exit was blocked off, and we had no way out.
"Fuck!" I yelled in anger. That was our only way out, and now we were trapped inside of this burning barn that could come down on top of us at any moment. It can not end here, it just can not. I will not let this be the end of me. I look around for anything to smash another hole in the wall, but everything is on fire. I am unable to use myself as a battering ram again because if I do, I will be burnt up from the fire now climbing the walls all around us.
Just as I am about to give up and try something else, I see something. I walk over to it and discover that it is a ladder, mostly intact and leading to the next level of the barn. It is a risk climbing this ladder, but it is either the ladder, or the fire. "Hey, you two climb the ladder to get higher up and away from the fire!" I yelled to the two behind me. I go up first and wait for them to climb up after me when I get to the top. The ladder is burning past the second floor, so I look for another way up, and find some crates stacked up that we might be able to climb on.
"Django, where do we go?!" Demetrion asked me in a scared voice.
I pointed over to the stacked up crates. "We climb those so we can get to the top floor of the barn!" I tell them. They both agree and we work our way over to the crates, but as we reach them, something grabs my leg. It scares me at first, but when I look down, I see Mike's face, covered in soot.
"Django man, I need help!" he yells.
I look further down and see that his leg is twisted in an unnatural angle and that he has a large box on top of it. I think about leaving him and saving the two who can walk, but I push those thoughts out of my head immediately and kick the box out of the way and pull him up on to the crates. I can see that Tyler is also behind the crates. He is not hurt, just scared. "Tyler!" I yell loudly, but he does not listen. I decide not to waste time and just grab him by the arm and pull him up with me. Dante and Demetrion are already on the third floor of the barn, and I have them help me pull up the two still below. When we are all up on the top floor, I help Mike to walk and we try to make our way over to a small window near the front side of the barn. Dante and Demetrion are pulling along Tyler, and he is half walking because moving him seemed to snap him out of his fear induced trance. They reach the window and start waving down to the ponies down below us for help. I am about to reach the window so that I can tell them what to do, but Mike's foot falls through a hole in the floor and he gets stuck.
"Ahh! My foot is stuck!" he screams at me. "Django, please help me!"
I bend down to pull him out of the hole, but the floor breaks, and he falls. I reach as fast as I can, but I could only manage to grasp his fingers. I am on my knees, holding on to him so he will not fall, but the floor is still breaking. I try to pull him up, but he is too heavy. The floor breaks a little more, and my foot is nearly over the edge.
"Django, pull me up!" Mike yells.
I look at him straight in the eye and make a split second decision. "Sorry Mike, but I'm not dying here," I say in a cold voice, and I let go. His eyes go wide, and he screams all the way down to the ground. It was a short trip, judging by how short his scream was. I turn around and walk away from the edge, and I do not look back.
The fire is louder now than it was when I had first entered the barn in search of my friends, and I can barely hear any of the words that my friends are shouting. I walk up to the window and push my head out to yell for help, but I see that Applejack is already one step ahead. Down below is a huge trampoline with a big X in the middle of it.
"Django, tell your friends to jump!" Applejack yells up to me.
I nod at her, then turn to face my friends. "Okay, we need to jump to that trampoline to get out of here, got it?!"
My statement was met with nervous stares from all three of them. They were scared of jumping out of a three story building, and I can not blame them. But if they want to live, then this is what we will have to do. "Listen, it's either this, or we burn to death," I say to them. Then, as if to emphasize what I said, the whole barn shakes violently and half of the roof caves in and nearly crushes us. "We have to jump, right now!" I yell one more time at them.
"I'm not going to burn to death," Tyler says, almost to himself. He walks up to the window, and then he jumps out of it, and after a few seconds he makes contact with the trampoline on the ground.
"Okay," I say to the remaining two. "You see? It's safe. So now y-" but I was cut off by a piece of falling roof that hit me square in the chest, and sent me tumbling out of the window. I could not tell where I was going to fall, or even if my eyes were open. I was spinning so fast that all I could see was a blur of orange and black mixing together. I was falling for maybe four seconds before I hit something solid, but luckily, I bounced. I had miraculously hit the trampoline and had avoided splattering on the hard ground. When I came back down from my bounce, I rolled off of the trampoline and turned towards the barn. I did not see Dante or Demetrion in the window. But what I did see was the barn crumbling in on itself, shooting flames into the sky, along with a huge column of smoke and millions of tiny embers. I looked around and expected to see them standing somewhere, but I did not see them, anywhere. I saw Applejack and Derpy walk up to me, pained expressions on their faces.
Oh, god no. Don't let them be dead.
"Django, you're friends... They didn't make it out of the barn," Applejack said in a voice that was filled with emotion.
I did not speak. I could not speak. I had risked my life to save them, and I had failed. I just could not believe that I had failed to save my friends. I felt dizzy, and fell on my ass in the dirt. I sat there, not feeling anything other than hollowness. They were counting on me, and now they are dead. I just-
"I'm sorry."
"What?" I asked numbly, not knowing who had spoken.
"I'm sorry Django, it was my fault."
I look over to my side and see Tyler standing there. "What do you mean?" I asked slowly.
Tyler shifted his weight around from foot to foot. "Me and Mike went down in the basement of the library and stole those joints. When we got back here, we lit one of them up but it fell and caught some hay on fire. That's how the fire started."
I was staring at Tyler now, not believing what he was saying. He had started the fire? He was responsible for the damage and the death? "Tyler," I say quietly.
"Yeah?" he responds.
I stand up and look him in the eyes. "I'm going to kill you." I then shoot out my hand faster than he can react and grip him by his neck tightly. With my other hand, I pull out my Glock from my belt and put it to his chest.
"No," he chokes out. "Django no!"
I do not frown. I do not smile. I do not even blink. I do not show any expression. I just pull the trigger, five times.
There was nothing but silence besides the gunshots echoing across the farm. Nobody was making a sound, not even Tyler, who was nothing but dead weight in my grip. There is a warm feeling creeping along my chest where Tyler is leaning against me. I realize that it is his blood. All of his blood is flowing freely out of him, and on to me.
I toss him to the ground and put my gun in my belt line. He is still alive, but I plan to fix that. I put my boot on his neck, and I pressed down with all my weight behind it. I promised not to kill anybody with my gun, but I never said anything about my boot. As I put more and more weight on to my booted foot, I can hear small choking sounds coming from Tyler. I think he is trying to get me to stop, but I do not. I put my full weight on his neck, and it breaks. I look down at Tyler's bloody body without a single regret for what I had just did. I just committed murder, but I do not care. It was his fault that two of my friends are dead, so he does not deserve to be alive in my mind.
"Django, what did you do?" a voice from behind me asks.
I turn around to face the voice, and I almost wish that I did not. Derpy is standing there with a horrified expression on her face. I had forgotten that she was there. I had forgotten that any of them were there. I look around me to see that all of the ponies are staring at me in horror. They do not know what it is to kill, to murder.
I take a step towards Derpy, and she takes a step back. At that moment, I could feel myself die inside. "Derpy, I-" but I was cut of by a bright light and a booming voice.
"DJANGO, STOP RIGHT THERE!!!"
Everybody is stunned by this sudden change in situation. I know what is happening right away, but I do not know if anybody else does. It happened before when Twilight used the "Want it Need it" spell and it got out of control. Princess Celestia is here, and she does not sound happy at all.
I looked behind me in time to see not just Celestia, but Luna touching down as well. I knew that I was in trouble just from the expression both if them wore. I could best describe it as a "I am really pissed off" face.
"Django," Celestia said in a hard voice. "Can you please explain to us what is going on here?"
I looked around me and see the carnage. The burned down barn, the distressed ponies, Tyler's body... "There was a problem," I tell her. "I've taken care of the ones who caused it."
She looks at the corpse at me feet with a scowl. "When I said you were to deal with them, I did not mean to kill them."
"What?" I ask her.
"When we discussed how law breakers would be punished, I said to deal with them. I never said to kill them," she said in a low voice. "I thought you would understand this."
It took me a second for me to process this. If she did not want me to deal with them this way, then how should I have done it? There is no way that she would have wanted me to just report them to the local law enforcement... could she? "Well what is it that you wanted me to do then? You told me to handle my people, and I did. If I did something that I shouldn't have, then it's your fault or not giving me specifics on what I should have done."
She then took on a sad expression. "I now know that I should have been clearer on what I meant. But what you have done to your friend cannot be excused."
I raise an eyebrow. "What do you mean?" I asked slowly.
She looks me straight in the eye. "You and your kind can no longer stay in Equestria."
What did she say? There is no way I could have heard her say that.
I open my mouth to speak, but she continues on with what she is saying. "While you have been living here, my top scientists have been repairing the portal that brought you here. They will be finished by tomorrow, and when they are, you and your kind are going back home."
I was speechless. We... we can go home? This is insane! Here we were, stuck in a different dimension, and now we can go home! But... I made a promise. I do not break promises, no matter what.
"I can't go," I say. "I can't go back home; I made a promise, and I intend to keep it."
Celestia looks at me with a scowl. "Yes, you are."
Then before I can do anything, her horn lights up, and I am standing in a dark room with a big wooden door. "The hell...?" I mumble to myself. Another flash and my pack is resting in front of me.
"You are going to remain in this cell until the portal is finished. Your friends are in cells of their own, and all of your belongings have been given to you," Luna's voice calls out from somewhere beyond the door.
I walk up to the door and start pounding on it as hard as I can. "This isn't fair damn it! Let me the fuck out!"
There is no response from beyond the door. Only a silence that makes me even angrier than I already was.
"Fine then!" I yell as I walk away from the door. "I'll find my own way out of here, and you can't do shit to stop me!" I start looking for a way out, but the door is too strong, and the walls are too solid. That is when I look up. I see a small window, just barely bigger than one foot by one foot. It does not have any bars to block it off either.
Oh hell yes, I think to myself.
I reach for the window, but it is out of reach. I look around, but see nothing that would help me reach the window. "God damn it!" I swear. I then start pacing around the small room to try to think of any ideas that could help me. I pace back and forth, back and forth, back and forth over, and over again for what feels like hours. At the end of it my legs ache and I still have no ideas of anything to help me. I stop pacing in front of my pack, and I look down at it.
Stupid thing, I think. If I never had my pack, I wouldn't have had my gun. Then I would still be able to live here, and I could keep my promise.
My face twists in anger. "Stupid pack!" I yell as I kick it across the room. I kick it so hard that the zipper breaks and my things get scattered everywhere. I swear silently to myself and start to pick everything up. I stop when my hand hovers over a small metal object about the size and shape of- I shit you not- a lightsaber hilt from Star Wars.
What's this? I think.
Then it hits me. It is one of the things I stole from the lab back in Canterlot with Rainbow Dash. I pick it up and examine it. There are a few buttons and a knob with three settings: one dot, two dots, and three dots. I turn the knob to one dot and look at the buttons. There is a green one, a red one, a blue one, and a yellow one all in a line down one side. I press the green button because I want to see what the thing does. Well that, and... Well, green means good, right?
The thing makes a small whirring noise and then a little needle comes out of the side and stabs my hand. "Ow," I say as I drop the little machine.
I guess green doesn't mean good...
The thing beeps, and then it goes quiet. After a few seconds, I think that all it wanted to do was to piss me off, but then it makes another noise. A noise that sounds like gas being blown out of a hose. Then what looks like red mist starts leaking out of one end of it and floating up.
"What the fuck...?" I mutter.
The mist starts to swirl around slowly. Then it goes faster, and faster, looking like a tiny, red tornado. After a moment, it starts to take a shape, like a tube. Then the shape gets more defined. It looks like a small tree... No, as it swirls faster, I can see the mist take on the form of a person. It swirls, faster, and faster. I have no doubt about what is inside of the red mist. I can see the shape of a person. A Human person. Then suddenly, the tornado of red stops, and I am looking into a mirror. No, it is not a mirror I am looking at. It is me. I do not know how, but I am standing there, right in front of me. The other me looks at me and smiles. "Hey there good lookin'," he says in a casual tone.
"W- wha- what the fuck?!" I say, shocked.
The other me looks at me like I am the funniest things he has ever seen. "Havin' a bit of trouble gettin' your words out?"
I just nod dumbly.
"Well let's get introductions out of the way first," he says. "I'm you, or at least a copy of you. I'm a perfect replica of you in every way there is. I have all of your knowledge, memories, skills, and, well, everything else. That little gizmo there," he says, pointing to the machine laying on the floor, "is a cloning device, and you just figured out how to make it work."
I blink. "How?"
He smiles at me. "That little needle that molested your hand took some of your blood and copied the DNA in it."
I look at him like he is something impossible, and he should be. "How do you know all this?"
He smiles proudly. "Because I came from the machine, I have a machine's brain skills, as well as your's. I can think like a person, but I'm as smart as a machine."
I look at the machine on the floor, and I smile. "Hey Django?" I say.
"Yes Django?" I reply.
"I have an idea..."
***
Equis, Equestria, Canterlot, Canterlot Castle
It is a fine day. The scientists have finally finished the portal, the Humans are unable to cause any more trouble, and the weather is beautiful. Yes, it is a fine day.
Celestia turns to walk back inside of the castle from her balcony and starts downstairs. After a brief period of yelling and trying to escape, the Humans settled down and accepted that they were unable to do anything to free themselves. Only Django seemed to be causing the issues, which was strange, considering that he seemed to be their leader. But Celestia did not care at the moment. He started a riot on the first day he arrived, he started distracting her student, he got drunk and spent all that night "disturbing the peace" as the guards had stated it, and most recently, it was his friends that burnt down the barn of Sweet Apple Acres. He was trouble, and she would be doing all of her subjects, and her country a favor by sending him home.
But if that were true, then why does she feel so bad about it. Sure he became attached to some of the mares in Ponyville, but surely he knows that a relationship between him and one of the mares living there could never have happened... right? But she did have to admit that even though he was a different species, something about him seemed... appealing to her. Maybe she did not have to send him home. Maybe she could just keep him locked away for a few years. Somewhere close, where she could keep an eye on him. Her bed chambers maybe...?
Celestia shakes her head. No, he has caused far too much trouble to stay here any longer. He needs to go. There is no way he can stay here any longer. He is leaving, today.
Celestia walks into the main hall of the castle where the portal device has been set up. Everything is in place. Everything is ready to send the Humans home. She walks up to the lead scientist. "Is everything ready?" she asks him.
"Yes ma'am. Everything is ready. We just need the Humans to stand on the center plate, and off they go, back home."
She nods at him. "Good. I'll send for the Humans to be brought up right away." She looks at the machine. "There's no need to keep them here any longer," she adds, almost to herself.
"What was that Princess?" the scientist asks.
"Nothing," she says, shaking her head to dismiss some stray thoughts.
***
The Humans were brought up from the dungeons by a squad of guards led by Shining Armour, her captain of the guards. He leads them to the portal device and has them stand in a neat line on the center plate. But it seems that Django is unable to see the line straight and he can not stand in a straight line. This causes Shining Armour to become furious at him, so she starts to walk forward to defuse the situation.
"You'd better get in formation Human!" Shining yells at Django.
"I'm sorry, but I don't speak Equine," Django says... In perfect Equine.
"Get. In. Line. Last warning Human." Shining says, igniting his horn with magic.
Django's eyes seem to light up at the idea of a fight. "Please, please, try to fight me. I'm in a bad mood and in need of a release." Django then puts his hands on his chin. "Maybe I should get your sister. She's real good when it comes to me releasing."
"Enough!" Celestia shouts just as Shining was about to incinerate Django in anger. It is one thing to mouth off to her captain of the guard. But it is something else entirely to talk about her star pupil like that. "Django, I know that you're upset abo-" but he cut he off.
"I'm not upset, I'm fucking furious," he growled at her. "It's not fair to give somebody Heaven and then take it away because of their friends fuck-ups."
Celestia blinks. "What do you mean by 'Heaven' ?" she asks.
Django snorts. "This world is everything I've ever dreamed about, and now I have to leave."
The feeling Celestia was having before comes back up at this point. Is it guilt? No, there is no way it can be guilt. But it does not matter, he has to leave. "I'm sorry that you have to go, but you've caused too much trouble for me to let you stay here any longer."
Django looks Celestia straight in the eye. "You're not sorry at all. You just want to keep control over your little country. So don't pretend like you care when you don't."
Celestia took his words like a slap to the face. It did not just make her sound bad, but it hurt her that he has this impression of her. Maybe it is better for them to go home.
She set her jaw in a firm line. "Goodbye Django." She then turned around and walked towards the scientists waiting near the control panel. "Start the portal," she tells the scientist at the controls.
"Right away Princess," he says while working the panel of buttons, knobs, switches, and levers. He sets a few finalizing procedures up, and then he activates the portal. Through it, Celestia can see a city. A city bigger than Canterlot ten times over. But this city is nowhere near as magnificent as Canterlot. It is dirty, broken, and old. Smoke and smaug rises from the multitudes of factories. There is hardly any greenery at all, and what natural things there are, they are sickly, dying, and twisted by the artificial makings of the Humans. She can see thousands of the things that Django and his friends came here in. But many of them are a different shape, or size. A lot of them seem to be billowing out smoke from the back end. There are huge, flying things too. Things that soar through the air with no difficulty at all, despite their size. There is a deafening noise that seems to be coming from the city itself. She can see people, Humans, more than she can even count. Some of them are dressed in clothes that seem to expose more bare flesh than seems normal for Humans, while some wear so many clothes she is surprised that they can move. There are people sleeping on the sidewalks, people digging through dumpsters in alleys, looking for food, or something of value. There are people begging in the streets, people asking for money everywhere. She even witnesses people stealing each other's possessions, people hurting each other. This is everything that she sees. All she can think is that it is almost like watching a horror story come true right before her eyes.
She looks around to see all of the ponies in the room staring at the scene in the portal with looks of disbelief, disgust, and in some cases, horror. She looks back to the portal to see only Django remains at the center plate. The others have already walked through, eager to get back home. He looks at her like a father would look at a child he is disappointed in, and it nearly breaks her heart.
"Home sweet home, yeah?" he says in a defeated voice, and walks through the portal, disappearing from this world forever. She wants to reach into the portal and bring him back. But it is too late. Django is gone, forever.
Celestia tells the scientists to close down the portal and to get rid of it permanently. She saw his world, and she does not want to see it again. Ever. She walks back towards her room, and away from the portal device. She just sent Django- the only person she felt something towards in over a century- back to a world that looked like a living nightmare. She needed to be alone.
"Sister, may we talk with you about something?" Luna's voice called from behind her.
She sighed to herself. She really did not want to talk about anything right now, but for her sister, she would make an exception. "Yes Luna? What do you want to talk about?"
Luna trotted up beside her and kept pace on the way to Celestia's room. "I wanted to talk about the Human. The one named Django."
Of course she wants to talk about Django. Why would she want to talk about anything else in the world when she could talk about the one thing that she really did not want to talk about?
"What about him?" Celestia asked her sister.
"Well, did you notice that he didn't have his backpack?" Luna asks.
"No," Celestia said. "I didn't."
"Well it's just that we find it odd," Luna continued.
"What do you find odd?" Celestia asked as they turned a corner.
"I find it odd that he would break into the science labs and risk death just to get his backpack back, but when he returns home, he doesn't have it with him." Luna says in a thoughtful voice.
Celestia slows her pace as she thinks about this. Luna does have a point. He broke into the biological research laboratories just to steal his possessions back. But if he was going home, never to return, then why would he leave his things...
Celestia freezes in place, eyes wide and mouth hanging open.
"Sister, what's the matter?" Luna asks her.
Celestia's face stays a portrait of shock for a second longer, then turns into one of mischief. So that is what he has done then. That is why he was not willing to start a fight.
"Sister, are you all right?" Luna asks.
"Yes Luna," Celestia says, smiling. "I'm just wonderful."
She was actually feeling quite good in that moment. For she realized something. She might need to lock Django up close to her after all, and her bed chambers will be quite accommodating to someone of his... build.
***
Equis, Equestria, Ponyville
Derpy was walking down the path to her house on her way home from work. She did not like working on weekends, but she could use the money. She is not low on cash or anything, but she needed something to take her mind off of Django, and working was as good an excuse as any. She was confused. She felt like she loved Django, but she saw him kill one of his own friends right in front of everypony. But... she saw the way he looked at her. He looked like at her like he wanted to make all the bad in the world go away, and give her the good. He looked at her like he wanted nothing else in the world except to be right there with her. He looked at her... like he loved her.
Derpy sighs.
She knew it was too good to be true. She should have been smarter than to let herself fall in love with an alien. He was not even a pony, or an equine for that matter. But, he just seemed so... perfect.
Derpy looked up at the sun, high in the sky. It was Celestia who took him away from her. It was Celestia that took away the perfect stallion. It is Celestia who should be sent away to another world, not Django! Why did he have to go?! It is just not fair!
Derpy sighed again and continues walking.
But it happened. He is gone, and Celestia is still here. She did not know why, but for some reason, when Django had promised to stay with her, she believed him, even though she knew it could never happen. It is her own fault really. She has more important things to worry about. She needs to take care of her daughter. She can not be busy with stallions when she has a job and a daughter to worry about. But still, Django was a stallion worth worrying about.
Derpy stops where she is and looks in the direction of Canterlot. "Django, I thought you promised that you were going to be with me forever," she says quietly.
"I did," says a voice from behind her. "And I intend on keeping that promise."
She spins around, an unbelieving expression on her face. She can not believe her eyes, so she blinks, but he is still there. She rubs her eyes to see if that works... but he is still there. "Django...?" she says quietly.
"The one and only." he says, smiling broadly.
Derpy can not quite understand what is happening, but she does not care. She runs straight up to him and wraps her hooves around his neck so tight that she is afraid he might break in half. But she does not let go. She just plants her lips on his. He kisses her back, much harder than she is kissing him. Django holds Derpy like that for what feels like forever. He does not break the kiss. He does not let her go. He only walks towards her house, holding her in his arms, carrying her all the rest of the way. When they reach the house, he kicks in the door, but Derpy does not care. He carries her up to her bedroom, and he lays her on the bed. The door is open, but it does not matter. Dinky will not be home for a few hours still. Django breaks the kiss and leans over to whisper to her.
"Derpy, I think I love you," he whispers.
Derpy smiles. "I love you too, Django," she whispers back.
Then, for god knows how long, they proved to each other just how much they loved each other, always trying to get the better of one another.