Rainbow Dash lives an exciting life and is swiftly becoming the most daring, awesome pegasus in all of Equestria. She would gladly give it all up, though, just to confess her love to Applejack.
"Alright... remember..." Lancie murmured into Rainbow's ear as she flew, sailed, and zig-zagged down a series of tight brick hallways. "He's got waaaaaaay more firepower than us, which is bad. But he's also a tiny dragon booger, which is good. I mean... not good for him, but good for us, because we can most certainly capitalize on the weak points of his blatantly juvenile incompetence and—"
"Grnnngh..." Rainbow snorted, her face squinting under sporadic strobes of torchlight as she flew through the castle's bowels. "Why can't I just—like—stick you in a bottle and have you revive me if manure hits the fan?"
"Because you're going to need me more intimately than that, Sparky."
"Ew."
"I mean I can be your shield!" Lancie smirked. "You remember from before, right? If he tries zapping you with the Flame Staff, just put lil' ol' me between you and the incoming blast! My chaos essence will... uhm... reflect his chaos essence... or something." He shrugged. "Panties."
"Huh?"
"Eh, that used to work. Never mind."
"Now's not the time to confuse me with your melon fudgedness."
"Just keep your eyes on the dragon whelp at all times and zoop away when he gets close."
"Right! Zoop-Targeting. Got it." Schiiiing! Rainbow brandished Lancie's little stone body like a masterful sword. "My apologies in advanced for whatever migraines this might give you."
"Hah! My little pony..." Lancie grinned in her grasp. "A migraine would be the cherry on top of this week for me!"
"You're weird."
"No you."
"Shhhh!" Rainbow Dash flitted around a corner. "Go time."
"If you say so."
Rainbow flew straight into the throneroom and skidded to a stop. Frowning, she dragged one hoof and snarled into the torchlit distance of the enormous interior. "Okay, ya little brimstone peewee! You wanna go? Let's—Gaaaaaaaaaaaaiiieeee!" Rainbow flinched, hiding behind Lancie as she weathered an enormous wave of flame and plasma.
PHWOOOOOOOMBBBB!
The floor behind her caught ablaze with burning embers. A tiny swath of untouched brick lingered in a "V"-shape behind the pegasus. Panting, she stood there, holding Lancie's smoldering figure in front of her. With gnashing teeth, she glared over the statue's horns.
"Dude! What the buck? No monologue or nothing?!"
Aatxe stood atop his throne with the Flame Staff outstretched. "What?" His brow furrowed. "You?"
"Dang straight, it's me!"
"Really?" Aatxe pouted like a red-faced infant. "I was expecting the squirrel with goggles." He chuckled out the side of his fanged snout. "Was kinda looking forward to it, too."
"Yeah, well, sorry to disappoint but you're gonna have to duke it out with me inste—"
PHWOOOOOOOOMB!
Rainbow hid behind Lancie again. Once the wave of fire was done, she shouted to the ceiling: "Quit it!"
"Psst! Hey!" Lancie gestured. "Turn me around!" He wriggled his granite rump. "I wanna come out of this with both halves ready to give a promo in the ring!"
"Go away, pony." Aatxe snorted, pacing across the platform above her. "My business here is with the squirrels. It's always been. They're the one thing that's been keeping me back from a full-scale invasion of the Morsel Lands!"
"Well, I've got news for you, ya stinkin' little dipsniffle!" Rainbow's voice cracked. "It was yours truly who got those squirrels to stage this attack in the first place!"
"Pffffft!" Aatxe rolled his eyes. "Yeah right!"
"For realsies!" Rainbow smirked, strafing across the throneroom floor from him. She held Lancie close in front of her. "And guess what?! Unlike last time, I've created a distraction so huge that none of your big brothers are going to come and make things easier for you! This time it's you versus me!"
"And your talking chaos shard."
"Says the baby dragon with—like—a gazillion of them attached to a super metal staff."
"Shuddup! I could have taken you down even without any chaos shards between us!"
"Baby dragons are dumber than what?"
Aatxe blinked. "What?"
"Snkkkt—heeheehee!" Rainbow Dash bucked the ground, giggling.
"Grrrrrr!" Aatxe shook the staff. "Quit DOING that!"
"Heh..." Lancie smirked. "So much for the 'No Dragon Left Behind' Act." He glanced over his stone shoulder. "Hey Sparky! 'Is our whelps learnin'?'"
"Hey! Hey kid!" Rainbow grinned. "Mind showing me where you've got the closet full of lampreys! Cuz something's gotta explain why your flying castle operations sucks so badly!"
"Okay, tone it down, Sparky," Lancie droned. "That was a reach, even for me."
"I'll show you suckage!" Aatxe's voice cracked as he fired a burning red beam from the Flame Staff. However, he aimed it high—so that it bounced off a shield and ricocheted into Rainbow Dash from an angle.
FLASH!
Lancie fell to the ground. He blinked, then turned around—only to double-take. "Jinkies!"
A feathery rooster with a rainbow comb blinked at him. "Ba-COCK!" it warbled.
"Uhhhhhh..."
"Roasting time!" Aatxe flipped and did a trick-shot with the Flame Staff between his stubby legs. "Hah!'
Zaaaaap!
Lancie thought fast, cartwheeled over Rooster Dash, then caught the chaotic blast in mid-air. His body glowed, and he scraped a talon over the bird's comb, producing a bolt a energy between them.
FLASH! Rainbow Dash—again a pegasus—collapsed on her fuzzy chest. Thud! "Fwoof...?" She blinked, cross-eyed.
"Hey! That's cheating!" Aatxe perched on a stone pillar and aimed the staff again. "I'm going to turn all of your blood vessels to cockroaches!"
"Ya hear that, Sparky?!" Lancie tugged and tugged on Rainbow's mane. "Time the cross the road!"
"Grnnghhh... cheese and crackers!" Rainbow cursed, grabbing Lancie and flapping her wings. POW! The brick floor behind her rushing limbs immediately transmogrified into squriming insects.
"Not so fast!" Aatxe fired and fired. "Haugh!" FL-FLASH! "Raaaugh!"
Rainbow darted left and right while chaotic beams of energy flew into various objects around her. A banner morphed into fluttering butterflies. A suit of armor melted like yellow cheese. A chair briefly turned into a grinning black unicorn with vaporous eyes and a curved horn—"CRYSTALLLLSSS"—before instantly being zapped into a stacked tower of Dr. Pony cans.
"Move! Move, Sparky!" Lancie shouted above the noisy blasts. "You're being chased by shark-jumpers!"
"I'm moving!"
"Was this your plan?"
"Kinda sorta."
"Sparky..."
"Just hold on a little longer, Lancie!" Rainbow panted, skirting the edges of the throneroom as the blasts struck closer and closer. "I've got to get him angrier?"
"How is taunting dragon Damian with god powers a good idea?"
"Just trust me—!"
ZAAAAP!
"Gah! That was close! Did he hit me?! What did I turn into this time?!"
"Wow, Rainbow. For a yellow-coated guitar-plucking stallion with a blue mane, you're really handsome!"
"WHAT?!"
"Snkkt—Just kidding! You're fine."
"Grrrrr! Celestia dang it, Lancie—!"
The pillar next to them exploded into party confetti, and Aatxe came through with a heavy swing of his Flame Staff.
"Heeeeeeeeeeeere's Aatxy!"
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Huh...a transformation to match her "cocky" personality.
...I'll show myself out now...
6543590
Bard would be an improvement.
6543596 I'm pretty sure it's supposed to be Flash Sentry, although it would be amusing to have a Bard cameo.
I finally caught up. Now all I need is to catch up with "Things Tavi Says" to the complete set of the daily updated SS&e fics. Also, someone needs to come up with a name for the "Appledashery" community.
6543586
Now there's only one thing missing.
25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m42mpxgX6H1rukiqco1_250.gif
Hit one of the chaos blasts with Lancie, Rainbow! I bet it'll work just like that!
Excellent. Boss fight time.
Though Rainbow really needs some better curses than "cheese and crackers"
6543630 Better yet:
s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/77/4c/6c/774c6c885314c3169dd63b95b17b54cd.jpg
Behold, the true masters of Hyrule!
Oh, so it's a timer boss then?
Survive until the timer counts down.
Those types of bosses can be fun when done well.
6543636
Too bad she was turned into a rooster rather than a chicken. That would have worked brilliantly.
6543622 congrats on the catch up.
Can't decide what I like more, Zelda references, or the SS&E meta references.
6543607
Bard is still an improvement.
6543677
That last line was a reference from The Shining.
Hey! Listen!
This story is weird.
Flash Sentry most handsome pony
Posting fight music, eh? Here's my preference:
Kick the little twerp's scaly butt, RD.
Okay, yep, this story is officially off of the silliness charts.
6544892 no you
Wait till Scoots finds out Rainbow Dash was a chicken!
6545177
It was still on the sillyness charts?
I thought the Cider Dreams arc would have been enough to push it off them.
6545821 No, that's where it went off the weird charts.
6545851 Okay yeah.. that's a better word for that arc.
HA! I get it! Because that one joke and the chicken...crossing the...road...and...CROSSY RAOD....wait what was I talking about again.
6543622 Oh, is "Things Tavi Says" good, because I sorta want to read it, but I want an opinion on it first.
Thats it, have a nice day!
=^-^=
6546768 I like it. It's an interesting style experiment, to be sure.
Goes to click next chapter.
Sees no button.
Cries on the inside from having to actually wait for the rest.
Because unfortunately reading is like drugs for me. This happens with almost every series, book, or story I read... The reading consumes all thought. I'm all caught up and it took a week and a half to two weeks of almost nothing in my life but reading. Now comes the painful withdrawl and salvaging whatever I procrastinated on.
This is the kinda of stuff I would have expected to find in one of the April 1st chapters, and yet reading it here wasn't the least bit surprising or jarring.
...how the hell did we end up here?
...Bard?
I read that in Velma's voice.
Needless to say, it was hilarious.
6606613
Though Bard was black?
(Not bein' racist, mind you.)
Oh no, he's transformed Dashie into Scootaloo!
Groan.
This is actually legitimately terrifying, but he's just exaggerating, right?
Oh...