"Dude, is anyone here?" Tucker yelled as he walked through the blank white corridor. "Jesus, this place could use a few pinups to make it not so boring..."
Then the sound of moaning came from underneath the door ahead of him. Tucker opened his mouth to call for help, then shut it when curiosity overwhelmed him. It wasn't a pained moan, but a one of pleasure. He slowly trotted towards the door to not alert whoever was inside.
"Tucker, don't you open that door." Rainbow Dash growled from the throne room, but knew Tucker couldn't hear her.
As Tucker reached for the door, the sound of moans came through, louder this time. Tucker tilted his head and pushed the door open a crack, instantly raising his brow when he saw a group of lookalike mares engaging in coitus.
"Woah." Tucker said under his breath. Instantly, the mares closest to the door snapped their heads towards Tucker. "Oh shit."
The mares nearest to the door started crawling towards him, panting lightly. Tucker then slowly drifted into the room, eyes locked with the mare closer towards him. Back in the throne room, Rainbow Dash sank to the floor and sighed deeply, knowing her and her friends would be turned to stone, in a way, because of her. While a few of the mares began walking towards him, Tucker gave a look of curiosity rather than one of lust.
"What are you waiting for?" One of the mares asked, waving her flank at him.
"Rainbow Dash?" Tucker asked her quietly. "What are you doing?"
"Wait, what did he say?" Rainbow Dash said quietly, eyes looking straight at Tucker, then darting to Discord, eyes narrowing. "Did he say my name?"
"Oh, I may have forgotten this little tidbit of information." Discord coughed onto the back of his hand. "The maze is relatively magical. And by relatively, I mean it is one of the most powerful artifacts on this world. What we're seeing a bunch of mares, he sees what he really wants to see, meaning he is currently seeing a bunch of, well, you, so-"
"He's going to do it and in his mind he'll think he's doing nothing wrong." Rainbow Dash groaned, rubbing her head slowly. "Ugh, is it fair to be mad at him when he thinks he's doing it with me?"
"I, uh..." Church coughed, not knowing what to say. "Well, I think that if he knows that you never want to have sex with him and he does it with them then you can be mad."
"That's the things... I sort of did want to." Rainbow Dash sighed. "I just don't know, he always talked about how great he is, but he never really talked about staying with the girl the day after. I guess I thought that if I did do anything with him, he'd be done with me, y'know?"
"So wait, you actually do like him?"
"Yeah, as much of a hound dog as he is, he's actually pretty funny once you get used to his problems." Rainbow Dash muttered.
"His many problems." Church corrected her.
"His many, many problems." Rainbow Dash smirked, shaking her head at nothing.
"Rainbow Dash, don't you think that is more of a... private conversation?" Rarity asked quietly.
"Heh, when you've been around Tucker for long enough, things that you wouldn't talk about in public are the only thing you talk about." Rainbow Dash chuckled, resuming her head rubbing.
"Wait, you're not Rainbow Dash." Tucker said quietly, but his voice was amplified through the sphere so they could hear him. "Neither are you..."
"What?" Rainbow Dash asked, lowering her hoof to get a clear view of Tucker's doings.
"What are you talking about, Tucker?" One of the mares who had her back to him asked, bending to the ground. "Don't you want to do it with me?"
"Come the fuck on, you can't expect me to believe you're Rainbow Dash." Tucker grunted to one who was waving her flank at him. "I mean, look at your legs. They don't look nearly as nice as hers. And her ass? Don't even get me started. Her ass is way more perfect than that. I would know since I might as well be staring at it every waking second. And probably just as many sleeping seconds too."
"What a pig." Rainbow Dash said, unable to stop herself from snickering at his usual ways. "Why did I doubt his ability to only focus on my ass?"
"Hmph. Indeed." Discord said curiously. With the snap of his claws, another one of the mares walked up to him and leaned on him.
"Come on, baby. Isn't this what you wanted?" The mare asked. "To do it with me?"
"Rainbow Dash's voice sounds a lot better than that. Need to dial up the sexy a notch."
"See what I mean?" Rainbow Dash asked, looking at Church. "All he seems to be interested in is s-"
"Her hair is half an inch longer than yours as well." Tucker said quietly and Rainbow Dash's eyes drifted back to him, unsure of what he said. He turned to one on his left that was fluttering her eyelashes at him and scoffed. "Her eyes are a lot darker than that and you're about three shades of blue lighter than her."
"Aw, don't be such a party pooper when you could party in my-"
"Listen, I'm just going to stop you right there." Tucker coughed, cheeks growing red, actually feeling sorry for the mares. "If I'm going to do it with Rainbow Dash, I'm going to do it with the real one, not some pretenders."
"And if you have to wait a few years?" One of them asked.
"It'll probably be worth the wait." Tucker shrugged without hesitation. "I mean, don't get me wrong, you all look nice for ponies, but... I think Rainbow Dash is the first girl that's put up with me before finding out about how great I am at sex, and that is kind of an accomplishment. When the day finally does come, both literally as well as sexually, she'll see just how much of a catch I am and maybe not hate me as much as she does. Woah."
"What is it?" One of the mares asked as Tucker shook his head.
"I... I think I have an actual connection with her. I don't think that's something I've ever had before. I mean, I've said I had a few, but... this feels weird... I think I actually really do love her. Not just for how good I think she'll be in the sack either. But her personality is like mine, the way she smiles actually... makes me happy." Tucker said in disbelief. "I can't believe I actually have a connection with someone..."
Rainbow Dash smiled softly at the picture of him walking through the group of mares to get to the other door on the other side of the room.
"We can have a connection too." A mare ensured him, grabbing onto his left wing in a warm, sensual embrace. "Besides, we can give you something Rainbow Dash never will."
"What, Herpes? I already have that." Tucker chuckled, looking up to the white ceiling to think. "And Gonorreah... Hepatitis... a few others, are any of those what I'm going to get?"
No reply was given to Tucker, so he looked to his wing and saw that the mare was no longer holding onto it. He then looked around to see that the mares were no longer in the room, having either run away or disappeared.
"Jeez, see, now this is why I didn't do it. You guys just don't get my jokes!"
"Wow." Church said with surprise. "He has emotions. Who'd have thought?"
"Didn't he have that one nightmare where he got worried about Rainbow Dash?" Twilight asked.
"I guess, but that was more straight up traumatic than anything else." Church shrugged, then looked at Discord. "So does that mean he passed the test?"
"The first part." Discord smiled, patting the ball that he was standing on top of. A microphone materialized in front of Discord, so he cleared his throat and pressed the button on the bottom of it. "Almost there, Tucker. You still have one thing left to do."
"Right. Rainbow Dash is the Element of... Blueballs? No, that doesn't sound right. Denying bow-chika-bow-wows doesn't sound right either..." Tucker muttered pensively, stopping to think for a few seconds. "Shit, how am I going to get out of here?"
1483974 oh ok I haven't gotten an email from here since it went down
Oh my. Tucker is going to be sitting there for a while. Come on man think!
rainbow dash: element of blueballs
Almost there Tucker, you can do it. Just one little word...
*SPOILER ALERT*
HOLY SHIT TUCKER DENYING SEX!! DEAR GOD THE WORLD IS ENDING!!!! On another note he is still a dumbass and he actually loves Rainbow? And this he cant figure out her Element still and he suppressed a bow Chicka bow wow! He is changing
Wow good old Tucker always a surprise
No wonder he's my favorite character in red vs blue
1484054i literally went wtd what the duece when he said what are you doing Rainbow dash. And when he connected with her and all that fuzzy shit about loyalty and him thinking her element was blueballs
1484009
That's going to be hard for him.
Hell froze over again. Only way to make this more unrealistic is to put sargexgrif
And now for the ultimate guess.
GUESS. THAT. ELEMENT!
I'll give you a hint. It's a bond that's similar to marriage. Only not marriage. But it's relate-able.
1484072
Poor rainbow
Come on tucker you can do it. Have a hint it starts with L and rhymes with royalty.
johnbolton.ca/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/screwed.jpg
1484087 bow chicka wow wow
You'd think he'd see the bigger picture after dealing with the illusions, yet he STILL doesn't know the meaning of loyalty The poor sod
Rainbow Dash, the Element of Blueballs.....
24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_luzb785C5m1r3k1m8o1_500.png
yes! a cross over with development
The Element of Blueballs. Gonna be hard to get that out of my head.
Tucker aint never gonna get it. They're all doomed!
Cue Jeopardy music.
Hurray! Tucker is half way to escaping. Now we only truly need to worry about Grif. I think the others should be fine.
BOW CHICKA- wait a second...
Oh. Too soon?
Scrap, and I was about to start singing too.
interesting.... i shall read this soon!
cant wait for the next one!
MORE!!!!!!!
Tucker turned down sex. What's this world coming to?
he has feeling for RBD
denied fake RBDs
And still doesn't know she symbolizes loyalty...
O boy can't wait to see grif's or cabooses's run through the maze
1484156
Should've seen that one coming.
I seriously did a double take at my screen and said "teal pervert say what?!" when Tucker denied them.
1485687
Well that is arguable, since Tucker had told Grif that he had sex with her...
Plus there's a difference between putting up with him and wanting to sleep with everything in sight.
1485745
Then shouldn't it be:
SNORTsisterSNORT
1485694 Bow chicka-wait for it-wow wow!
1484087 BOW CHICKA BOW WOW
1484087
Bow-chicka-bow-wow
1484087 Bow Chicka bow wow
Tex isn't Beta, there is no Beta. Tex's official AI name is just 'The Tex AI'
"way ore perfect" isn't ore supposed to be more?
1485613
Excuse me but did you say you expect grif to run through the maze
BOW-CHICKA-BOW-WOW
I somehow shed a tear in the end of tucker's speech...
wow
-Kiryu
1486443>>1486664>>1486958
Nice to see you are all on the same page.
1487762
Heh, sorry... i tend to skim through comments, and yours was decently close to the top to see it almost immediately. Didn't know the joke was done before already...
1486964 Tex is Beta, actually. There is a freeze frame bonus in one of the later episodes where she finds out where all of the fragments came from... and where she came from. Allison, aka Tex, is classified as Beta. The original byproduct of the Alpha AI... the whole reason why the director got the idea to fragment Alpha in the first place...
1488209
Nah.
It was funny. And it gave me more material.
1484956 *epiphany
Either this or season 10... Hold on let me finish this chapter
1484145 next bet is that Gruff gets kicked /n the balls?
.
1484087
Bow chicka bow wow.
1489800
I see someone's late to the party.
1489849
This is not my #1 to read favorite story. And I have 79 unread chapters as of now.