twow443

Joined September 2012
266 followers
13,733 story views
1h, 40m ago

I'm your friendly neighborhood riffer. Except when I'm not. I also write pony words and review them. I hope to serve.

Riffs to Come (Bold is being done)

Blue Thunder

the story of starlight

Fluttershy's Week-Long Foot-Long(bet with Fallen)

If These Walls Could Talk

Princess Molestia

The Prince and the Belle

Nox Silva

Celestia Meets Nicolas Cage... Kind of

Poking Pinkie Pie in the Pooper

Princess Celestia And The Fat Free Pringles

A Day at Sugarcube Corner

twow443's and Fallen Prime's Marathon of Pain.

Improper Punishment

Aeon Whooves: son of a Time Lord

Sonic Rainboom (another perspective)

Living the Dream (with Fallen Prime)

Trixie is Bored

Fallout Equestria: Bronies Dawn

Lyra's handy work

rainbow / Dash

A Reaper's Travels

My Little Dashie

ChuckPLEB The Almighty

Discords Handgina - The Gangbang Explosion Of Sadistic Throbbing Gloom!

Flutter Drunk

The Retribution of Chrysalis

Kevin

A Reaper's Travels

My Second Life

Adventures of a Small Stallion

Liquid Pride

Applejack's Garden

Broken Mare

Pinkie Pie Goes To Hell

CLOPPY PASTA

Green

Twilight Eats Spike's Meat

Rohoofnol

My Brave Unicorn Star Fleet Magic

Diamonds and Butterflies

The High Chancellor

The princess and I

The Cupcake Chronicles

Letters From a Disgruntled Friendship Student

The Sweetie Chronicles: Fragments

Three Hundred and Fifty

Pattycakes Trilogy

Blueblood's Crush

Sunny Skies All Day Long

One Pounded Pumpkin

Expecting Exile

Fluttersmoosh

The Scootaloo Project

Before You Kill Me

Clockwork Pony - Derpy Hooves

The Love Letters of Twilight Sparkle

The Best Night Ever

My Little Titan

Walk Softly

Her Body Was Cold

Of Blue Blood And Red Mud

Stuffed Apple

The Great Reverse Gang Bang of '69

My Little Slave

Cream Pie Birthday Party

The Element of Time

Chocolate Frosting.

A Reaper's Travels

Panning Pancakes

The Mare Who Wants A Human Child

Twilight Falls: A Fall of Equestria

May
24th
2014

I'm sure that a lot of you know about a certain person called Mister Citadel. Ya know, the writer of "The Mare Who Wants A Human Child?" And the biggest douchebag I've ran across in a while. And yes, I was being nice but I'm done. Because...well, let's run down the list.

First off is the story. It was a HiE clopfic about...Lyra wanting a human child. Duh. And it got featured. Now I know what you're thinking. "How did it get featured if it sucked so bad?" Well when the people who didn't have a hand down their pants decided to take a closer look at the damn thing, we saw that it had a few GLARING issues.

The first one isn't one I can really touch on, but my friend supercomputer can. Because it has to do with the Myst series. But seeing as how it's done wrong anyway, I can kinda touch on it. The premise is that our hero "Jaxxon Markus Citadel" (the fuck) managed to write his own version of Equestria and enter it. After doing so, he met and married Lyra and had four foals with her.

Let that sink in.

1. How the fuck. Literally nothing was explained. At all. 2. He SOMEHOW managed to have four foals with Lyra but not one human child? The fuck? 3. He wrote homosexuality out of the world.

Let me repeat that.

HE WROTE HOMOSEXUALITY OUT OF THE WORLD.

One of the first things Jaxxon said was that he didn't fuck around too much with the world because he wanted the ponies to have "free will" But then he completely erases something that is human nature? Some humans. But still. Are you fucking joking? AND there's supposed to be a religion aspect too. Because he's doing such a great job already.

He eventually took the story down because some of my friends (and others) decided to call bullshit. I posted my first two chapters of the riff to help that along. After it was taken down, it was re uploaded under the title of Mystquestria

And it's not better. It might actually be worse. How, you ask?

The first chapter was literally just him landing in Equestria (with a really small reason as to why) meeting Lyra and Rarity. That was the first half of the chapter. The second half was (I am not shitting you) him getting a "Cluster Headache" and curing it. That's it. I'm not kidding.

And after learning that our good friend MC also has these headaches, it turns out that dear old Jaxxon is STILL a self-insert.

Goody.

And the second chapter...OH BOY. It's been removed, but I got it from some friends. Expect it in a riff very soon.

It...oh my god I can't believe this is real. It has a flashback from Lyra, and it turns out that when she was a filly she was almost raped into being gay.

Yes.

Lyra. The hero of this story. Was almost raped into being gay.

Ya know, it's good to see that the BLATANT HOMOPHOBIA IS STILL THERE.

Like....are you fucking KIDDING?! You've already been in enough shit and you're going to go ahead and post something that will undoubtedly piss people off? Why? What are you trying to accomplish? Yes, we know that you "had feelings" for your brother. Yes, we understand that you don't like gay people. WE GET IT STOP DIGGING A DEEPER HOLE FOR YOURSELF.

And don't' get me started on that shit with his "cousin" Dolphy. Like, I don't believe this for a damn second. Especially because dear old MC posted this twenty minutes after. Are you trying to just tell us, "Yep! Here's my alt! I'm having fun so I'm going to keep pretending that it isn't!"

I just...I'm just about fucking done with you, MC. If you're going to calling for shit, you're going to get covered in it. Just stop while you're behind.

twow443, Your Pissed-Off Riffer.

And if you want to see a much better way to discribe this story, just click here.

twow443 · 212 views · Report

These are the ponies that I've convinced my wolf pack NOT to eat.

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Completed Riffs

The Adventures of RedJoy

Flutters in the Moonlight

The Marvellous Adventures of Spike the Pervert

FlutterLove

Marshmallow Holes

Potato ex Machina

Doctor/Professor Whooves vs Nightmare Moon

Fluttershy's Week-Long Foot-Long: Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7

Pin the Tail on the Griffin

Candies

Taming of the Screw

120 Days of Blueblood: Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11

Big Mac masterbates with razor blades

Avery the Mare Murderer

The Melancoly Death of Apple Bloom

one for you

Dinky Abuse

Family Bonds Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4

In Loving Memory

Pound My Pumpkin: Chapters 1-2 Chapters 3-4 Chapters 5-6 Chapters 7-8 Chapters 9-10 Chapters 11-12 Chapters 13-14

Fluttershy Dominatrix

Three Fillies, One Colt

The Odd Tale of Sven: Chapter 1

Face Full of Sunshine

Pinkie's Worst Date

The Truth/One Tight Knight

Keep Calm and Pleasure On

The Faces of Fluttershy: The Naughty Tails: Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3

My Brave Unicorn: Starfleet Magic: Chapters 0-4

The Unwounds Revenge

Collar

Letters From A Disgruntled Friendship Student: Letters 1-10 Letters 11-20

Pattycakes Trilogy: Pattycakes Pattycakes 2

Prince Blueblood Dies at the End.

My Immortal: Chapters 1-10 Chapters 11-20 Chapters 21-30 Chapters 31-40

Walk Softly: Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3

Daddy's Boy

Regithon

The Retribution of Chrysalis: Part 1

Of Parties and Laughter

apple jacks suicide/That one time all the water in Equestria turned into cum

The Muffin Man/This Is Why You Always Hire a Sitter

Rarity's Revenge: Wrath of the Semen God/Apple Surprise

Pinkie Pie Sucks A Hundred Dicks/'Miss Me?'

Picnics at sunset

Daienu: Chapters 1-2 Chapters 3-4

The Best Present She Could Ask For

My Little Racist: Friendship is Bigoted

El Equesterismo

Mouthing Off

The Scootaloo Project: Chapter 1

Soarin' the Butt

Tarnished Silver series: Rarity's Garden-Tarnished Silver

null

Luna Gets Her Button Mashed: Chapter One

Spike's Futa Foursome

My Little Slave: Chapters 1-3-Chapters 4-6

The Mare Who Wants A Human Child: Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3 Chapter 4

Mystquestria: Chapter 1

Non-canon Riffs:

Momma Fluttershy

Derpy's Finest Hour

The Pointlessness of it All

Fallout Equestria: The Forgotten

Caramel and Thunderlane's Sexy Adventure

Luna's Tits

The Spiderses

Applebloom Pls Stay

Drop that (b)ASS (or 20 oz bounce)

The Last Pair of Pants

Twow/Something Fievel Crossover

Celestia's Smallest Muffin

Mormon Masturbation

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These stories are great. Read them, or I'll have to consume your soul.

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Son of the Princess

  • Son of the Princess Princess Celestia has never had any foals. Or so everypony thought..... by twow443 21,849 words · 2,515 views · 129 likes · 23 dislikes
  • Son of Chaos Discord has returned one last time to spread chaos, and he plans to use his son to do it. by twow443 28,958 words · 1,075 views · 57 likes · 10 dislikes
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Fine. You can use this to talk to me.

#1284390 · 6d, 50m ago · · ·

Hi twow443! How are you? You've done a lot of riffs! Have a great day! :pinkiehappy:

#1209271 · 7w, 12h ago · · ·

>>1209269

Cool, I'll go and check it out. :pinkiehappy:

#1209269 · 7w, 12h ago · · ·

>>1209266 Son of the Princess. It's the first story that was actually good.

#1209266 · 7w, 12h ago · · ·

So which one of your stories would you recommend me to read?

#1209264 · 7w, 12h ago · · ·

>>1180381 It was my first story. I'd recommend reading Son of the Princess, much better story.

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