1. Member Since 11th Dec, 2011
  2. offline for 4h, 45m

Be excellent to each other, and PARTY ON, DUDES! ~ Abraham Lincoln

Who the Hell is THIS Guy?

Heya, folks! I'm Jake The Army Guy! I call myself that because my name is Jake, I'm in the US Army, and... well, I think you can figure out the rest. :ajsmug:

I'm a Public Affairs Broadcast Journalist, meaning I make radio and TV news for the Army, in addition to handling public relations. I like to play drums, video games, and occasionally write about ponies. I also do fan fiction reviews and a bunch of other stuff for FOB Equestria, Home of the Military Brony, and mod a few groups over on Facebook. Ain't I interesting?

Flame Fuel(shamelessly ripped off from Bad_Seed_72):

Politics: Independent Conservative

Religion: Christian Universalist

Best Character: Spike

Best Pony: Applejack

Best filly: Babs Seed

Preferred Ships: MacDash, SoarinJack, SweetieSpike

People Who Make Me Not Suck:

Golden Vision


Piquo Pie

I also do pre-reading/editing for people who I feel need it/ask me nicely. By all means, drop me a line if you want my advice, but I may be too busy.

Random Shite:

Favorite Movie: Die Hard

Favorite TV Show: Doctor Who

Favorite Video Game: Resident Evil 4

Favorite Band: Metallica


Hey! Listen up, you pecker-neck'd chuckle fucks! Quit playing Tiddlywinks, get your man-pleasers out of your pockets, and shut your cock-holsters, cuz I'm back! Oh, yeah! Look at you! You was talking all dat good shit, and then you got kicked in yo chest!! I have returned, and you know what that means!!! TRAINING, BABY! WHOOO! THE TRAIN TRAIN'S A-COMING DOWN THE LINE! WHOOOO-WHOOOO!!!!

Oh, I am never saying that again...

Howdy, howdy, FIMFiction! Like it says, I'm back from my little booksortcation in the desert. It wasn't fun. Like... at all. These places tend to shine a spotlight into all those corners of your mind you try desperately to ignore. But, in the end, it was worth it. I'm not "fixed," per se, but I now have some tools to keep me from going completely batshit. I also grew an epic beard that was the tits. I didn't think I could grow one that thick, but I'll be damned if I didn't make Obs look like a wee babe with my beardiness. Sadly, it had to go, since I'm now back in Army world. I do have pics, but since Imgur went bitch mode on us, I can't really share them.

So, what did I miss? What is the latest trend or bandwagon that people shamelessly jumped on? Do the Angels still faff? Is Megapone still writing porn about ridiculously oversized cocks and the horses attached to them? Does Captain Unstoppable still sleep in a MacDash onesie and write epic demon battles?

So... yeah. I'm back in the swing of things. Thank you all for your support and for your kindness over my long absence. For real, it meant a lot and helped even more knowing I had so many awesome people pulling for me. Never forget that I fucking love you all. Stay safe, stay free, and stay metal! Jake The Army Guy out!

And the adorable Applejack shall flow like the mighty Mississippi...

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Latest Stories

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#728 · 1d, 2m ago · · ·


This Toilet Equestria.

#727 · 1d, 1h ago · · ·

Don't mean to be spamming you today, but I saw this and knew you had to see this.

#726 · 4d, 7h ago · · ·

Wait, you're back?

#725 · 1w, 3d ago · · ·

You killed Ted, you medieval dickweeds!

Dude, we gotta get Eddie Van Halen in the band.


I love that movie. So much. Just SO Metal back then.

  • Viewing 724 - 728 of 728
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My Stuff(if you care to read)

  • Under A Luminous Sky Twilight and an investigator from Canterlot must catch a killer by Jake The Army Guy 99,866 words · 6,086 views · 516 likes · 22 dislikes
  • Finding Your Place Spike is no longer the chubby baby dragon he was, and he no longer has to go through his hundred-year wyrm sleep. But as he and Twilight move back to Canterlot, Spike finds that his new larger body means the end of his old life. by Jake The Army Guy 84,727 words · 3,997 views · 372 likes · 17 dislikes
  • Button Thrash Button Mash gets caught in a mosh. by Jake The Army Guy 2,128 words · 734 views · 78 likes · 11 dislikes