Jake The Army Guy

Joined December 2011
8,851 story views
7h, 30m ago

Be excellent to each other, and PARTY ON, DUDES! ~ Abrahamn Lincoln

Who the Hell is THIS Guy?

Heya, folks! I'm Jake The Army Guy! I call myself that because my name is Jake, I'm in the US Army, and... well, I think you can figure out the rest. :ajsmug:

I'm a Public Affairs Broadcast Journalist by trade, but I'm currently serving a tour of duty as a Drill Sergeant. When I'm not using the Royal Canterlot Voice on Privates, I like to play drums, video games, and occasionally write about ponies. I also do fan fiction reviews and a bunch of other stuff for FOB Equestria, Home of the Military Brony, and mod a few groups over on Facebook. Ain't I interesting?

Contact Info:

Skype: jake.hughes85

Email: jake.hughes85@rocketmail.com

Feel free to drop me a line!

Flame Fuel(shamelessly ripped off from Bad_Seed_72):

Politics: Independent Conservative

Religion: Vaguely Christian(ask for more info)

Best Character: Spike

Best Pony: Applejack

Best filly: Babs Seed

Preferred Ships: MacDash, SoarinJack, SweetieSpike

People Who Make Me Not Suck:

Golden Vision


Piquo Pie

I also do pre-reading/editing for people who I feel need it/ask me nicely. By all means, drop me a line if you want my advice, but I may be too busy.

Random Shite:

Favorite Movie: Die Hard

Favorite TV Show: Doctor Who

Favorite Video Game: Resident Evil 4

Favorite Band: Metallica


Hokay, one and all, all and one, and everyone in between! So, I did my little AMA-type dealie with the headcanon, and got some interesting questions. I was set to answer them, but then I noticed that great authors like The Descendant, Georg, and bookplayer(who apparently started this whole thing) were doing the actual 50 questions. Well, since I am nothing if not a desperate attention whore, Why not do both?! So yeah, here we go, jumping on the bandwagon that all the cool kids are on!

Descy, RedSquirrel, bookplayer, can I sit at your table now?!

The Princesses:

1. How old are Celestia and Luna?

The Royal Pony Sisters are ageless, having been present at the Dawn of All. However, they have only been on Earth for around 2,000 years.

2. How old is Cadance?

In her late twenties, 8-10 years older than Twilight, and around the same age as Shining Armor.

3. Were Celestia and Luna always alicorns, or did they ascend?

Celestia and Luna are the daughters of the Celestial Parents, King Radian and Queen Terra(names shamelessly stolen from Heph3stus), the creators of the universe. Initially, the Celestial Family kept a distant yet interested eye on Equinekind, content to let them live their lives however they chose. However, shortly after the founding of Equestria, a new being came into existence: Discord. Cruel and uncaring, Discord ruled over mortal lives for centuries, toying with them and wreaking havoc, causing mischief and mayhem all for his own amusement. Radian and Terra's hearts wept for their creations, but they had vowed to remain removed from mortal lives, placing free will and choice above all else.

Their daughters, however, could not stand idly by while ponies suffered under the uncaring rule of Discord. Disobeying their Parents, and knowing full well the consequences, Celestia and Luna descended from the heavens to defeat Discord. It was a lengthy battle, spanning years, until finally the Sisters stumbled upon the very force their Parents had used to create: Harmony.

Sadly, even in the face of their triumph, Celestia and Luna were met with heartache. While Radian and Terra were immensely proud of their daughters, their disobedience could not go unanswered. With heavy hearts, the King and Queen decreed that Celestia and Luna would be exiled from their home in the heavens, not to return until the end of time.  And so, fully accepting their punishment, and yet with no regrets, the Sister took on the titles of Princesses and vowed to guide and nurture mortal lives, not control as Discord had, until the End came and they could be reunited with their Parents.

4. Are Cadance and Twilight immortal?

No. Since they are not "true" alicorns, they are not immortal. They are, however, very long-lived. This is due to their ties to such powerful fundamental forces—Love and Magic. They will outlive their current loved ones by several hundred years, but they will eventually join them in the afterlife.

5. Have there been other alicorns in the past?

I would assume so. Since "ascending" requires perfect resonance with some field, be it love, magic, or whatever, I think it's entirely possible that others in the past have reached that state.

6. How much authority do Celestia and Luna have in Equestria?

Kind of a tough question. On the one hand, crap tends to fall apart when they are missing. But on the other, we see how they tend to stay out of most affairs. I would like to think that Equestria is a Total Diarchy. In the real world, namely ours, such a thing would lead to despotism, but the Sisters are near-perfect and benevolent. Plus, they tend to sit back and let ponies run their own lives, only interfering when it's in their best interest.

7. Does Shining Armor rule The Crystal Empire along side of Cadance?

Yes and no. As the Prince Consort, his word does have serious sway, and he is the Commander-in-Chief of the armed forces. However, as Prince Consort, Cadance can overrule him on nearly anything besides matter of defense.

8. Other than Twilight, Luna, and Cadance, what relationships have been important to Celestia in her lifetime (students, close friends, lovers, family)?

I think it's pretty safe to assume that Celestia has taken husbands—and possibly even a wife or two—over the years. Thousands of years is a long time to have your heart closed off. However, they would probably not be huge deals, at least politically. In fact, to avoid political drama, they were probably given some title like "Royal Consort" or something, just to ensure that they were not new heads of state, merely her significant other.

Same goes with friends and students. We have seen that she dislikes being treated differently, so I can see her having countless friends over the centuries. Since we know about Sunset Shimmer, it's a safe bet that she takes on personal students every now and then, although this is a rare occurrence.

Ponies and Equestrian Culture:

9. Are there still cultural differences between earth ponies, pegasi, and unicorns, or is the culture homogeneous by the time shown in canon? Are there cultural stereotypes (positive or negative)?

Of course there are cultural differences. A "melting pot" doesn't mean you lose your identity. Seeing their militaristic history, I think that pegasi have a cultural tradition of military service, if only a year or two in the Guard. Unicorns would be more driven to academics, while earth ponies would prefer to live more rural lifestyles.

10. Are there foods or items native to Cloudsdale that are uncommon on the ground? Are there foods or items on the ground that are uncommon in Cloudsdale?

Cloudsdale is a sole importer of food, since you can't grow anything on clouds. However, I think that pegasi do eat certain things, like fish, that other races don't. Not that other races can't eat fish, or any type of meat, but it's more a cultural difference than anything.

11. Can all unicorns learn all spells, given the time and effort spent practicing them, or is magical talent usually limited in some way?

Absolutely. Remember, magic is science.  In fact, I think that if this was not a kids show, it wouldn't even be called "magic." Twilight has stated several times that magic is quantifiable, measurable, predictable. It's no different than chemistry. With study, focus, and effort, any unicorn can learn any spell, just as any human could learn to play an instrument or learn science.

Now, that being said, it's still hard to master. Yeah, you could pick up a guitar and learn to play, but it takes years of training and practice, and then there are some who are just generally more adept at it than others.

12. Earth pony magic: Does it exist? What is it?

Without a doubt. Whereas a unicorn focuses magic from their horns and pegasi from their wings, earth pony magic comes from their hooves. An earth pony's magic is their connection to the Earth. This allows them to grow crops so much better and faster than the other races. Even the best and most talented unicorn or pegasus farmer could never produce a crop as plentiful or as quick as even a mediocre earth pony farmer. Their connection with the earth also gives them enhanced durability and strength. If Fluttershy or even Rainbow Dash kicked a tree as hard as Applejack did, she'd probably break a bone. Furthermore, this connection to the ground can, with focus and meditation, be manifested in some amazing ways.

Earth pony combat mages were exceedingly rare even in the old days before the founding of Equestria, merely because such a deep connection with their magic is so hard. However, an adept earth pony mage is a force to be reckoned with. They can link themselves with the Earth itself, producing some terrifying effects: becoming unmovable and impervious to harm, becoming able to hit things with a force massively greater than their body, and even cause spontaneous plant growth. In the last great War between the pegasi and earth ponies, earth mages were able to cause massive trees to sprout with the slam of a hoof, providing cover from lightning artillery. However, their big weakness was that in order to manifest these effects, or even to benefit from their natural hardiness and strength, they have to be in contact with the ground. When an earth warrior would charge, he would drag a deep trench in the ground behind him from one hoof always being in contact with the ground. This is why the old earth pony martial art was focused on grappling techniques and close-range strikes: get in fast, and take them to the ground. An earth pony in the air, even while jumping, is vulnerable.

13. Some pony families we’ve seen seem to have naming conventions (the Apples, Twilight’s family) and others don’t appear to (Rarity’s family, Pinkie’s family), which is more common? Are there reasons for one or the other?

It all comes down to tradition. Some do, and some don't. Sometimes, if a foal is named something and their special talent ends up being something else, they will change their names entirely. That was the original purpose of the Cutecenara, to allow a filly or colt to pick their new name.

14. How much formal schooling is an average, middle class pony expected to complete?

All foals are required to receive basic education, up to around an 8th grade level. By that time, they have found their special talent, and move on to focusing on that aspect of their lives. If a filly finds her talent at a very young age, she still has to finish her schooling before she can move on.

15. What’s the average lifespan for a pony?

Unicorns: Around a hundred years or so, though if they are unusually strong with their magic, they can last much longer than the other races.

Pegasi: Seventy-five or so. Their active lifestyle leads to their bodies wearing down faster, plus their constant use of magic to fly with their comparatively small wings.

Earth ponies: Hundred and fifty is the average, but they tend to live longer than the others

16. Are there roughly an equal number of male and female ponies?

Roughly, yes. Maybe a bit skewed towards females, but it's not anything noticeable.

17. How informed are most ponies about things that happen in other parts of Equestria? What about other parts of the world?

Well, they have no TV or radio, but they have newspapers, so they would be pretty well informed, though not strictly up to date with current events.

The Main Characters:

18. How old are the Mane Six? Spike? The CMC?

Mane Six range from late teens to early twenties, with RD being the youngest and Rarity being the oldest. Spike is about 12, while the CMC are 9-11.

19. Did Fluttershy remain on the ground after getting her cutie mark? Were she and Rainbow Dash friends all along, or did they drift apart for a while?

Yes, she did. However, she likely spent all her free time down on the ground, and as soon as she graduated from Flight School, she moved to the ground, most likely with her parents putting in to buy her cottage.

I think the events of Cutie Mark Chronicles was the first time the met met. Dash has likely seen Fluttershy around, and while she didn't actively tease her, she didn't see her as anything other than "that sacredy pony who can barely fly." They were friends for a bit, until Dash met Gilda. Then they drifted apart for a while, until Rainbow Dash got a job with the Weather Team in Ponyville, when they reconnected.

20. Rarity and Applejack both seem to have grown up in Ponyville. What were their interactions like before the show?

"Applejack? Oh, you mean that earth pony ruffian? Well, I suppose she is a fine pony, polite enough the few times we have interacted."

"Rarity? You mean that hoity-toity prissy pony? Well, that's a bit mean. She's gotta fine heart an' a level head, even if she needs to loosen up."

21. What do Twilight and Spike consider their relationship to be?

Best analogy I ever heard was that of a brother and sister in a family where the parents died. Twilight is Spike's primary caretaker and guardian, but she has never done too much to raise herself above Spike. They still tease each other and bicker, but their love is strong. Or, as Descy says, "She's his big one, and he's her little one."

22. When did Pinkie move in with the Cakes? Is she a worker who rents a room, an apprentice, or is there some other relationship?

Shortly after getting her cutie mark, Pinkie's parents realized that the dreary rock farm was not the best place to nurture their daughter. In addition, her love of baking was something they just couldn't teach. So, they reached out to an old friend of her dad's, Carrot Cake. The Cakes, being full of love yet childless, were more than happy to take in the little filly as an apprentice, giving her full room and board. These days, the Cakes are surrogate parents to Pinkie.

23. Who among the Mane Six had the best parents growing up? The worst parents?

Twilight Sparkle: Night Light and Twilight Velvet were upper-class parents through and through. They nurtured their children in supportive ways, which was also their drawback: they let their kids make too many decisions by themselves. This lead to Shining becoming a very outgoing colt, but their lack of pushing Twilight to get out led to her introversion.

Pinkie Pie: a stern, rural household, but not cold and uncaring. The Pie household was a healthy place to grow up. Pinkie's parents were very loving, in their own way.

Rainbow Dash: Dash's mother died during childbirth, so her dad, Aurora, raised her by himself. It was a struggle, with him working two jobs to support them, and him not really knowing how to raise a filly, but Dash never complained. She loves her dad to death, and despite the striking tomboyish nature, Aurora is exceedingly proud of his daughter.

Applejack: Jonagold and Citrus Apple were your typical loving Southern parents. Sadly, shortly after Apple Bloom's birth, they died in a rogue Everfree storm. Citrus was caught outside in the orchards, and Jonagold ran out to save her, and they never came back. Applejack was just a filly, having only had her cutie mark for several months, but she dutifully took on the role as surrogate mother to Apple Bloom while also working the farm, while Macintosh took the role as the more business-side leader. Granny Smith even sent him away to a fancy school for a year to learn the more intricate ways of running a business. These days, Applejack is the heart of Sweet Apple Acres, while Macintosh is the brains.

Rarity: The very picture of doting, suburban soccer parents. They fussed over their daughters more than they really needed to. When Rarity showed signs of wanting to be more upper-class and started to be embarrassed by them, they were a little heartbroken, but smiled through it.

Fluttershy: Her father was a retired officer in the Royal Guard, who ruled the household through strict discipline. Zero tolerance for disobedience and demanding perfection. However, he wasn't abusive, and he unquestionably loved his daughter, until his death shortly before S1E1. Her mother is a quiet, meek pegasus, your typical "yes, dear" type, totally submissive to her husband. yet again, there was no abuse, merely high expectations and rough discipline when rules were broken.

24. Why didn’t the CMC hang out more/know each other before Call of the Cutie?

Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle had been friends for a while, but never pay much attention to Apple Bloom because she was a bit quiet. They knew of each other, but it was only during Diamond Tiara's Cutecenara that they realized they had something in common. After that, things just fell into place.

25. Is Scootaloo an orphan? Will she ever be able to fly?

Absolutely not. Scootaloo has parents who love her dearly. Sadly, Scootaloo was born with a genetic deformity. She will eventually learn to hover for short periods, however, she will never truly fly.

26. Will Apple Bloom’s cutie mark involve an apple in some way, even if it’s unrelated to farming or baking?

Maybe. I see her talent being a handymare, so it wouldn't really have to be apple related. However, she has an incredibly strong tie to her family, so it's entirely possible.

27. How is Sweetie Belle’s relationship with their parents different than Rarity’s was?

Sweetie Belle is the baby. Her parents dote on her hoof and... er, hoof. Also, since Sweetie Belle exhibits none of the cultural yearnings that Rarity does, she falls even further into their favor. In fact, I see that as the first area that caused friction between Sweetie and Rarity: Sweetie earned all of their parent's attention, being "Daddy's Little Filly." Despite Rarity being embarrassed by their blue-color ways, she still yearned for their approval.

Side and Background Characters:

28. Is Mr. Cake the father of the Cake twins or not?

A thousand times yes. Since the barriers between inter-racial marriage have disappeared, it's entirely possible for one race to have a baby of another race. Yes, it's exceedingly rare, and the twin's dual-nature even moreso, but it's still possible.

29. Are Big Mac and Cheerilee an item, romantically?

No. They tried, after the whole Hearts and Hooves debacle, but while they are close friends from way back, there just isn't anything there romantically. Besides, Mac is with Rainbow Dash.

30. How did Prince Blueblood get his title?

By birth. he is descended from the old Unicorn Royal Family, tracing his heritage all the way back to Princess Platinum. He does, in fact, play a part in governing, most likely in some sort of diplomatic way, where his uptight nature could be of some use, but he isn't part of the actual ruling family.

31. Is Silver Spoon equally as bad as Diamond Tiara?

Silver Spoon is a sad case. For whatever reasons at home, she desperately needs direction and purpose. She naturally has a frail personality, so she subconsciously seeks out strong personalities to latch onto. If she had met someone like Scootaloo first, she may have turned out entirely different. Sadly, she met the strongest personality on the playground first: Diamond Tiara. Still, as she grows up and grows her own identity, she will eventually either force Diamond Tiara to reconsider her bullying ways, or simply break ties with her.

32. Is Zecora’s magic common among zebras?

No. Zecora is a shaman of the highest level. She likely started studying magic at a younger age than even Twilight.

33. Why does Daring Do publish her stories as fiction?

Becasue it adds to the spectacle. If every pony knew these kinds of things actually happened, it'd be less sensational, thus lower book sales.

34. Do you have a strong headcanon for any non-speaking or one line background ponies that you want to share?

Blueblood is a closet homosexual. Yes, Equestria is a bastion of acceptance and love, the more elite among Canterlot still see it as an anomaly, so he keeps it hidden. This is why he acts to oafish towards female suitors: if they actually got close, they'd find out. His first crush was actually his old boarding school roommate, Fancy Pants.

Featherwieght is mute. He communicates through sign language using hoofs and wings, that is only really understood by Cheerilee and his dad Heavyweight. Heavyweight is a professional bodybuilder, who works the competition circuit under his stage name "Bulk Biceps."

Other Species:

35. Does Equestria differentiate between speaking and non-speaking species, in terms of respect, rights and legal responsibilities? Is there some other line or scale used? (For example, how are cows classified? Diamond Dogs? A chimera?)

Cattle, sheep, and goats are a tricky subject. Yes, they are sapient, but they lack the kind of magic that ponies have. So, they have a kind of symbiotic relationship: they graze, keeping the grass short, and provide fertilizer for the farms in exchange for lodging. They can vote, but only some do. Most choose to live the simple life of livestock, but some do indeed go out to make their own living (Matilda and Cranky, Daisy Joe, the goats from Iron Will).

36. Do other speaking species form their own nations, or are all nations largely integrated, with some having larger populations of a species than others?

Yes. Diamond Dogs hale from Canidae, and griffons from Griffonvale. Contrary to what most think. Griffonvale is actually Equestria's closest and most stalwart ally. During the War of the Night, Griffonvale promised support for Celestia, however Nightmare Moon's defeat thankfully occurred before such things were needed.

37. Are minotaurs related to cows at all?


38. Do all zebras rhyme?

No. Rhyming is seen as a sign of enlightenment. Tribal elders, artisans, and shamans like Zecora do.

39. Do zebra cutie marks work the same way as pony cutie marks?

Zebras are like donkeys and cattle. They don't get cutie marks magically, but they do get tattoos when they reach mastery of their craft.

40. Do any species have types of magic, other than ponies and zebras?

Yes. Diamond Dogs mages are able to control stone to great effect, buffalo have shamans that can produce any number for things.

Dragons are by far the most magical beings on the planet, though. Their giant size is fueled by powerful internal magic, which is directly tied to the size of their hoard. Contrary to popular belief, a dragon doesn't "grow so he can get more things." Instead, as their hordes grow, their bodies grow so they can protect it better.

41. Is the lack of buffalo presence in Equestria cultural, or simply because most pony towns aren’t built to accommodate a full grown buffalo?

Cultural. There simply aren't that many buffalo, and they mainly inhabit the deserts and plains.

Headcanon and You:

42. Do you consider official sources other than the show (comics, card game text, movies, novels, etc.) to be canon?

Yes, but the show trumps all.

43. Do you have one headcanon that you always use, or do you switch depending on projects?

Sometimes the specifics may vary, but for the most part I keep it consistent, unless the story requires it.

44. Can you easily accept the headcanons of different writers? Do you prefer when stories match your headcanon?

I have a problem with this, I admit. I cling to my headcanon fiercely, and it gets in the way of enjoying stories sometimes. I have seen a few examples where a story will put forth a damn good example for its headcanon, and in those cases, I accept. However, unless it's explained thoroughly, I tend to get a bit upset. And dear god yes. When I read a story that affirms my headcanon, I get a little giddy feeling. It's... actually kinda sad...

45. Is there a part of your headcanon that you wish was more popular among writers?

All of it All of it All of it.

46. Is there a popular piece of headcanon that other writers use that you dislike?

I really dislike the mother/son angle of Twilight and Spike. Mainly because whenever this is used, they nearly always completely change their dynamic by lowering Spike's status to completely under Twilight. As shown, yes, Twilight is the one in charge, but Spike backtalks her all the time. Also, when he starts calling her "Mom," I just quit. This has actually forced me to quit on a few otherwise excellent stories.

Others include anything about Scootaloo being an orphan or being abused, Apple Bloom/Sweetie Belle being Applejack/Rarity's daughter, and Celestia being a tyrant.

47. Have you ever written a story or blogpost just to explain some part of your headcanon (other than this one)?

Actually, I once posted an entire blog about the above complaints.

48. Does your headcanon influence things like your favorite pony, ship, or episode?

Most of the time, though I actually kind of enjoy it when a competing headcanon makes a good showing.

49. Would it bother you if the show proved part of your headcanon wrong? Any specific piece that would really bother you to lose?

It would at first, but then I'd just accept it. Like when Cadance showed up, it messed with my thoughts on alicorns, but I accepted it and moved on. That said... if Spike called Twilight mom, I'd probably get a bit butthurt.

50. Is there something that wasn't asked about here, but you feel like you need to explain to everyone?

Well, since you asked...

Spike120812 asks: Who do you consider Spike's mother?


Dusk Quill asks: Being in the armed forces yourself, where does your headcanon stand as far as the Royal Guards go?

Since unicorns, pegasi, and earth ponies would all have vastly different strengths and weaknesses, I see them having separate Corps for them all, like the Navy, Army, and Marines. Each Corps has its own General.

MariusIoannesP asks: Are there Hippogriffs? Meaning can ponies and griffons mate with each other?

Yes. While it would be very unlikely, seeing as the different species of the world actually have slightly different numbers of chromosomes. However, we have seen how powerful the magic of love can be, so I think that it is possible for, say, Spike and Sweetie Belle to have a child.

Hap asks: How do earth ponies grasp gems, bits, etc.? Such as in "Spike at Your Service?" They seem to be able to hold small objects on their hooves.

Magic. As I said earlier, their magic is expressed through their hooves, so it's almost like Spider Man, in that they can form a bond between what they want to grasp and themselves. However, the bond is only as strong as the muscles being used, so no wall crawling.

Selkie asks: Whatis your headcanon of the ralitionship between Spike and Princess Celestia?

Celestia likely raised Spike for the first few years of his life. Twilight was there on most days, since they had a special connection, but the brunt of the responsibility fell upon Celestia, who has always wanted a child. She and Luna can't bear children, so this was the next best thing since dragons live so long. Once Spike was grown enough to be able to take care of his basic needs(potty trained, read and write, send missives through his fire), Celestia officially made Twilight his guardian.

Visidin Visidane asks: Mind just ruminating on these things for me? Afterlife: Oblivion, Heaven/Hell, Reincarnation, Ghosts, etc...how does it work for Equestria?

I think the same thing I think about our ultimate fate: Universal Reconciliation. There is a Heaven(Elysium Fields) and a Hell(Tartarus). Good people go up, bad people go down. However, there is no eternal punishment. I have no clue how or when, but eventually, God(the Parents) will forgive all and welcome all home. The idea of eternal suffering just doesn't jive with everything I've learned about God. God is just, righteous, and loving. Seventy years of even the most wicked life equals eternity in Hell? That's not justice, that's not right, that's not love.

chrysoprox asks: How does the world of G1 fit with into the world of G4?

I have never even thought about it. :derpytongue2:

Well, that killed a lot of time! I hope you enjoyed it! Til next time stay safe, stay free, and stay metal! Jake The Army Guy out!

Jake The Army Guy · 200 views · Edited 3d, 16h ago · Report

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#1106324 · 2d, 21m ago · · ·


Intriguing. I recall Fort Jackson from my past however.

#1106315 · 2d, 23m ago · · ·


Fort Benning.

#1106220 · 2d, 1h ago · · ·


Good to hear, your probably getting tired of all of the colds and crap that's come with your current position. Though that makes me beg to ask one more question, which base? TRADOC only is present in a few if I recall correctly.

#1106217 · 2d, 1h ago · · ·


I am almost done! I PCS on the 30th

#1106203 · 2d, 1h ago · · ·

Query: Have you completed your 2-year instruction tour or are you staying there?

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