Top Favourites, Part I
Game of Worlds Review! · 10:17am
As anyone who watches the comments section of Game of Worlds knows, I recently got myself a professional critical review of the work from The Equestrian Critics Society. Because their format, schedule, and workload don't allow for a dialogue between author and reviewer, I have to turn to the greater mass of users on FimFiction.net to help me implement changes designed to address the criticisms made by arandompenguin, including helping me locate some of the erroneous or flawed material. In furtherance of this objective, I'll post both a link to the Game of Worlds Review and also provide my own minor commentary on some of the points covered therein. I emphasize, with all the force I can muster that any comments I make are not, and should not be construed, as a criticism of arandompenguin or his opinions. He's done a fantastic job, clearly has the patience of a saint to wade through both "The Empty Room" and Game of Worlds, and I'm flattered by his frank honest kindness.
DualThrone reminds me a fair amount of J. R. R. Tolkein in many respects. Probably most prominent is Throne’s descriptions. Immersive and interesting, there is a sense of an underlying world builder in this piece.
Needless to say, being compared favorably to an author with the stature and celebrated creativity of J. R. R. Tolkien is deeply humbling.
Unfortunately, much like Tolkein, his descriptions sometimes overpower the story telling, distracting from the plot at hand and making for a very beautiful image in the reader’s mind, but not much story to go with it.
Here is the first place where I, your humble author, need the aid of my loyal readers. Where are places that you folks see where arandompenguin's comment above would apply? And upon locating them, can you offer any advice for how they might be addressed?
Game of Worlds incorporates both the mane 6, and a wide variety of original characters that DualThrone develops. Chief amongst them is likely the character of Dawn. Without giving away too much of the plot, Dawn is a pretty major character in the grand scheme of things, and so her character development should be well thought out and believable. I believe that DualThrone has achieved this, Dawn is quick-witted and a well-rounded character with her own flaws. Reminiscent of Tony Stark from Iron Man, or Nathan from Misfits. The sort of people that would likely not be the most easy to get along with in person, but have their hearts in the right place, and are entertaining for everyone else.
Now, here's something that was clearly intended to compliment me but has instead caused me consternation. Dawn is intended as a tertiary character at best, a tag-along that's part of the adventure by virtue of being Twilight's sorta-kinda-twin sister. She is intended to be unimportant, inconsequential, and not particularly conducive to the plot in general, yet it appears that I've accidentally developed her far beyond the characters that actually ARE important to what's going on; I conclude this based on the fact that Dawn is given special mention as being particularly developed. Here, I'd like reader help in the form of explaining what makes Dawn stand out to them and what sort of development do they see in the character?
However, there are points scattered throughout the piece in which the characters state something that doesn’t seem to fit their character, and whilst they are spread far enough apart that they don’t subtract too much from the story, they still can take you out from the flow of the story for a moment, and thus you lose some of the great immersiveness that DualThrone had built up.
Here's my second major point of need, folks: I badly, badly need to locate the occasions that arandompenguin is referring to. Nothing bothers me more than explicit OOC when I'm reading a fan fiction piece, so I don't want such a thing anywhere in my own work. The problem is, what Mane Six characters say and do reflects how I personally understand them so I'm operating in this instance with full blinders on, unable to objectively perceive places where dialogue and actions don't fit established character traits. Help is needed, and joyfully accepted.
Overall then, Game of Worlds by DualThrone is a descriptive piece, one might note it as seeming akin to poetry is some places. There is a certain flow to it that carries you through and leaves you wanting more. And, whilst it is pretty long, and has the prerequisite of reading another story of even longer length, it is immersive and well-written. Yes, there are times when dialogue doesn’t rightly fit the character, the over descriptive manner detracts from the plot, or the overuse of punctuation pushes too much information onto the reader, but overall this fiction is a good read, and worth it, should you find yourself with enough time to read it.
And like his beginning, this flatters and humbles me immensely. :) I deeply appreciate arandompenguin's work, enthusiastically recommend him to any of you as a highly able consultant, and further recommend that you give the group he works with, The Equestrian Critics Society, a serious look. Thank you all, and good night!
Among the endless worlds upon which the forces of Light and Darkness and Evil war, there are certain worlds that are under the protection and patronage of a single one of the powers. But under the edict of the Weaver and the Reaper, primal gods of absolute power over all things, these powers cannot directly fight their battles or seize worlds by main strength. And so came the Game, a ritual competition where powers disputing the patronage and prizes of a world can act through proxies, through tools, through lesser allies, and through subtle manipulations. The fiercest competition of late has been for the rich prizes of one of the rare worlds entirely immersed in the Light, peaceful and generally safe where even the villains drift naturally away from true Evil, and one such game has recently ended. But a new Game has begun, a new competitor is bidding for his twisted prize, and the dangerous dance has started.
On Equestria, it is six months after the Fall of the Guardian. The Mane Six are coping with the triumphs, the loses, the joys, and the tears of those dark days but the day seems lighter than it was before, for a great evil has been laid low. Unnoticed, among the dust of the Fall, the shadow begins again to stir...
A/N This story is set six months after the conclusion of Wanderer D's excellent work "The Empty Room". Without TER, nothing here will make sense so read it first.
As with my other work, "Five Weeks To Midnight", constructive criticism, comments, and suggestions are eagerly, eagerly accepted. Hope you enjoy reading as much as I enjoyed writing.More Less
A/N This is a multiple-part prelude to what I'm terming a fourth-order counterfactual but is probably best described as an alternate universe of an alternate universe. Starting from the bare bones described in the flashbacks laid out in KKat's epic novella, "Fallout Equestria", this is a description of the last month or so leading up to the massive megaspell attacks that create the world of KKat's novella... but with a few alterations. Borrowing from Pen Stroke's "Past Sins" and Anonymous Pegasus' "Transcend" to to the end of Chapter 15, I posit a few changes that lead to more and eventually, lead to a totally different Equestria 200 years in the future
Events, characters, and depictions of characters that are canon to the stories of other authors are copyright to them; it's their creative work, it's their good idea, I'm just borrowing their eggs and cup of sugar and making something new. If I manage to miss an author in my credits, bop me on the head and I'll add them because they deserve credit for what they've done. All that said, the 'something new' I've made from the pieces of other works is mine.
It began with a tragedy, a massacre unintended. From a terrible event, a war has expanded to fill the entire world and a decade, the cause shifting from a massacre and a war over resources to a crusade; one side wishes to end a war, the other side wishes to end one pony. For the longest time, it was a war of soldiers and of ordinary weapons, each side racing for the best advantage. But the combination of innovative brilliance and tragic desperation stemming from the best of intentions has turned the war from one of soldiers and machines to one over which the dread shadow of apocalypse looms. With a sudden positive turn in the military fortunes of Equestria, that shadow has advanced to inevitability.
It is five weeks to nightfall, and the time is slipping away.More Less