Okay, so the story is finished.
As it stands now, I'm pretty sure its crap. Which is...a surprisingly good thing, actually!
It means I'll be able to learn a lot from how people respond to it.
However, I still do want to produce something that won't make people try to claw out their own eyeballs. So, for now, it's in The Great Edit Cycle in the Sky. I'll probably publish a bit more than week from now.