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I would have called out any problems that I spotted, but frankly it seemed like such a minimalist, pared-down story that really there wasn't anything which struck me as excessive, unnecessary, or problematic.

In a sense, you didn't give yourself enough room to do much wrong.

I'll gradually dig into your other stories as time passes, and if I see something no one else has called out to you, well, I'll let you know!

Thanks very much for the long and thoughtful comment you wrote on "Twenty Minutes"! It's comments like that that keep me going. (BTW, it's okay with me if you also write about aspects that you didn't like. I have thick skin, or at least a big ego.)

Also, welcome to fimfiction! I recommend starting out by reading stories from the Royal Canterlot Library.