Hello, readers:

I've been working on my new story First Dawn. I've gotten some feedback over on Ponychan, and I wanted to ask for your opinions on the story so that I might polish this story as much as possible before sending it off to EqD.

Comments on Ponychan included:
-Celestia feels like a Disney Princess at the beginning
-Luna is too heavily characterized
-Story needs a better hook

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Hello all,

After some thinking around, I've decided to break off chapter three of "Behind a Sunny Face" and expand it into its own story, called "First Dawn," an awesome and cheesy name blessed upon me from the chat. Hope you all enjoy, those of you who haven't read it before!

Sorry for another blog post, but I want to be clear what is going on with my story right now.

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Thanks to everyone that favorited As Time Goes On. After receiving positive comments and a good review over on Ponychan, I submitted it to EqD, but sadly it was rejected because the prereader felt that the emotion was lacking, the pacing was too fast, and there was too much telling versus showing. I am currently working on a major revision to the story, but in the meantime I would love to hear more thoughts on the story if you

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Let me know what you think about the ending. Did it seem too rushed? Too contrived? It's hard to tell with a psychological story like this.

Cross my Heart and Hope to Fly

Enjoy!

Cross my Heart and Hope to Fly

I just wanted to give a heads up to everypony enjoying Behind a Sunny Face. I'm working on a new story, this time about Pinkie Pie.

Title: Cross my Heart and Hope to Fly

[Sad] [Normal] [Slice of Life] [Psychological]

Synopsis:

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Behind a Sunny Face: Chapter Three

I'm mainly looking for comments on the imagery in this chapter, especially at the end. Descriptive writing is something I'm not the best at. so I hope I did all right. Also, does Celestia's personality seem believable?

Anyways, enjoy!

I have almost completely revised chapter one because I'm afraid that the original is too emotional and suffers from poor pacing. The revised version has more internal monologue from Twilight, more showing rather than telling, better pacing, and a bit more subtlety. I would like to know which version of chapter one you prefer, so let me know!

To everyone following Behind a Sunny Face, chapter two is now completed!