“And remember everypony, the book reports on Dr. Hoofslove’s classic story about being quiet and loving his fans is due this Monday!” Cheerilee said, giving her class her best and brightest smile to combat the chorus of groans and various foally headdesks. She lightheartedly chuckled at her class’ usual demeanor toward homework and dismissed the legions of children to the drastically unprepared streets of Ponyville. As Cheerilee watched them all flee, she sighed, watching the clock on the wall tick just past three. Another week, another lesson. The red, one-room schoolhouse echoed a certain soundlessness that, ever since Hearts and Hooves Day, was really starting to eat at her. Rapping on her desk with her hooves, she stared at the mountain of paperwork she had before her, glaring at it. It was the most she had ever had to deal with the entire year, and she cursed her short-sightedness in assigning three different project due dates on the same Friday. To say that her students were appreciative of such a folly would lead oneself to buy a very lovely lakefront property in Appleoosa.
She found herself actually contemplating the action of daring the homework to correct itself. As if the right answers would get check marks and the wrong ones get little sad-faced circles on them just by her granting permission to the lifeless stack itself. Stranger things had happened.
“Well go on,” Cheerilee muttered. “I haven’t got all day. Go ahead. Do yourself. You’re hard and normally I’m completely fine with that. Foals can be hard too, but I deal with them just fine. But I’m just not in the mood for your size today. So do yourself.”
“E-excuse me? Cheerilee?” Cheerilee felt her blood run cold. Looking slowly over to the entrance, she saw the Princess’ protege herself framed in the doorway with a mask of confusion written all over her face. “H-have I come at a bad time?” Twilight eeped, looking for an escape.
Cheerilee’s fuchsia complexion ran white as she looked between her giant, phallic stack of papers and immediately slammed her hooves on it, attempting to shrink its size down to hide it from Twilight Sparkle. However, try as she might, she couldn’t keep the paper tower from her friend’s view, and was only serving to heighten Twilight’s awareness of the wobbling monstrosity.
“T-T-Twilight Sparkle! Yes! I mean, no, not at all!” Cheerilee turned to stare at her quivering monument to homework, inadvertently rubbing her face into its side. “Just... talking to myself. About all this homework I have to correct. That’s it.” Cheerilee quickly moved her hooves from the top of the unstable pile, her eye uneasily watching the paper decide whether or not if felt like sticking straight up. “Just a little pep-talk.”
“Well, it sure sounded like you were talking to somepony...” Twilight guessed, her eyes scanning the room for some other pony, but she was met with the same vacant room that her friend was met with every day after the foals went home.
Clearing her throat, Cheerilee tapped her hooves uneasily on the floor, the blood returning to her cheeks in full force. “So, um, Twilight, what brings you by the schoolhouse? After hours. On a weekend.” Mentally, Cheerilee added the term without knocking to her list, but chances were one of the schoolfoals left the door wide open and she had simply forgotten to check.
“Well, actually, I was wondering...” Twilight trailed, her eyes glued on the papers, completely unable to look away from the incoming train wreck that it was. “Um, are you sure you’re not busy? I mean, I can come back later.”
Cheerilee fought the urge to pout as her face struggled to keep some semblance of a smile. “It’s fine! I’m fine, I mean. Really Twilight, what can I help you with?”
Twilight finally allowed herself to match gazes with Cheerilee, but almost immediately looked away, her cheeks oddly flushed. “Oh, well I was just gonna ask you if you wanted to, I dunno, hang out later.”
Cheerilee’s face contorted. “Hang out?”
“Er, like, spend some quality time together?” Twilight tried, her mouth suddenly dry of vocabulary. Walking through the classroom, Twilight made a show of looking at the various pictures that adorned ed the walls. “I mean, I know we have before, especially when the Crusaders are up to something, but we both seem to like the same things so I thought maybe we could be better than acquaintances.” Stopping at one of her friend Applejack made by who she assumed to be Applebloom, Twilight finally made eye contact with Cheerilee again, her face stretched in a hopeful smile.
For her part, Cheerilee raised an eyebrow and gave a sidelong smile. Twilight Sparkle, Princess Celestia’s personal pupil and two-time Heroine of Equestria, was actually shy enough to think that somepony wouldn’t be her friend. “Are you asking what I think you’re asking Twilight?”
Twilight lowered her head, her smile turning absurdly sheepish. “Eh heh... yes. Or, Maybe?” Raising a timid hoof, it looked to Cheerilee that she was waiting to be called on. “Maybe we could talk about popular literature? Catch something to eat...”
“I don’t see why not Twilight, it should be a fun time!” Cheerilee sang, motioning toward the suddenly far less intimidating pile on the table. “You’ll just have to give me some time to finish correcting all these. How about tomorrow, say, noon?”
To say that Twilight’s face was beaming would be an understatement. With a grin that would make Pinkie Pie fall into a diabetic coma, Twilight galloped to the other side of the room, making the old schoolhouse shudder with her gleeful abandon. “Yes!” Taking Cheerilee’s hoof between her forehooves, Twilight shook with exuberance. “Deal! Tomorrow at Noon, meet at Sugar Cube Corner. It’s a date! See you then!” With a skipping trot, Twilight left as quickly as she came in, crashing headlong into the screen door. “Ah! Um! Sorry! I’ll just–” With a glow of her horn, the unicorn soundlessly repaired the door and slipped out, her face as crimson as Big Macintosh’s coat. “Bye!”
Standing silently, Cheerliee could only stand with her mouth open as Twilight skipped off like a filly. “Either she’s really excited about friendship, or...” Cheerilee began, her eyes searching the ceiling for inspiration behind Twilight’s good mood. The fumbling around, the unexpected stammer, even the fact a simple stack of papers could seem so embarrassing around her made it all seem like Twilight had some sort of... “No, that’s just laughable.” Cheerliee tittered, trotting over to her desk with a soft smile.
“Not that it wouldn’t be... interesting.” Taking no mind that she was talking aloud to herself in an empty classroom, as long as it had the good mind to stay empty. “Ponies around Ponyville are progressive, it’s not like mares loving mares is looked down upon. And Twilight is such a nice pony!” Cheerilee paused, chuckling absently. She stared up at the tower of foalish wisdom with an unamused glance. “It would be nice to have another pony with a solid head on her shoulders to help me with some after-school lessons.” The implications of her words were lost to the teacher, but unfortunately, it wasn’t to the last pony she ever wanted to hear her say that.
“Well that is the best thing I’ve heard since you told me about Hearts and Hooves day!” a mature voice called, turning Cheerilee’s chilled blood into an icy wonderland. “So naughty, Cheerilee, I didn’t think you had it in you.” The pony in question had a faded maroon coat, with a streaked pink mane that fell over her wrinkles and set simply on her wide dimples.
“Mother!” Cheerilee wheeled around, her tail swinging through the air like a mace. It connected with the already jumbled mess of papers and in no time at all the words and reports of her entire class were sprawled over the floor.
“...Ponyapples. Horsefeathe- Oh buck it.”
o.0.o
“Gleeee~!” Twilight bounded Pinkie Pie style into the library, barely remembering to close the door and only just recalling that she had to sort her mail that was left on her counter by her lazy lizard of a dragon assistant, Spike. “She said yes! She–Yes! Yes! Yesyesyesyesyesyes–”
“Snap out of it!” Spike yelled, looking over the newest copy of the Foal Free Press. Somehow, he had made a habit of reading the paper with a fez and robe and Twilight had been unable to coax him out of silly garb. At the current moment, she could hardly care.
“But Spike! She said yes!” she said, her grin stretching the physical limits of her face. “I went over to Cheerilee’s after she let out her last class of the day and I asked her and she said yes and we’re going on a date and it’s going to be romantic and we’re going to talk about Fetlock Holmes and Namby Pamby’s blossoming career.” At every ‘and’ the beaming mare took another step closer to her assistant, pushing him ever closer to the wall. “Oh! She could even be interested in knowing the formulas behind mathemagical equations for her unicorn students!” Twilight’s forehead collided with Spike’s as the dragon could no longer back up, her eyes almost pressing against his. “It’s going to be so fun!”
Spike, for his part, felt he really was having enough of this and could feel the fez on his head threatening to fall. With a furiosity born of awkwardness, the dragon quickly scampered underneath Twilight, slipping between her hooves and leaping for the salvation of personal space that lay just behind the strands of the purple and pink tail. With a final push, Spike rolled commando-style toward the center of the room. “Spike! How many times do I have to tell you not to do that!”
Brushing himself off, Spike carefully readjusted his fez and patted his robe in search of his bubble pipe. Producing the wooden instrument, the dragon fully adjusted into his comfortable, newspaper-reading demeanor. “At least once more, or until you stop doing that to me. Seriously, a little respect for my personal space wouldn’t hurt.” Blowing a few bubbles, Spike stroked his never-existent beard. “So you asked her out on a date?”
“Yep! Aren’t you proud of me?” Twilight spun on her hooves next to the chair, looking as proud as she could with her puffed out chest and tall stance. She resisted the urge to throw one hoof over the other like Applejack did whenever she did some amazing feat.
Spike nodded. “Yeah, I didn’t think you would just walk over and ask a pony out on a romantic date like that!” Even now, Twilight could see the gears turning in his little dragon mind on how this could relate to Rarity. “I mean, if you could tell Cheerilee that she was accepting a date, then what’s stopping me?” Making for the door, Spike grinned as he broke out into a run for the door.
“Hold your hooves there, Casanova.” Reaching out, Twilight caught Spike in her magic. “You have to have some idea about what you’re going to say to her.” The dragon kicked against the magic binding him to thin air, but quickly went limp, knowing full well there was little he could do to escape Twilight’s magical grip.
“Well fine, how’d you do it, then?”
Silence filled the library as Twilight recalled the conversation she had with the sexy fuchsia schoolteacher. The vague, completely non-committal discussion in which they agreed to lunch to talk about books.
In retrospect, most ponies wouldn’t find the prospect of a two person book club to be romantically stimulating. Most ponies weren’t Twilight Sparkle. Cheerliee was not Twilight Sparkle, and therefore probably did not connect talking about books with a kissy face.
“Oh. Dear. Celestia.”
“What? Are you saying I should take a letter?” Spike asked nervously. “I don’t think Princess Celestia needs to hear about how you picked up the local schoolteacher, Twilight.” He wasn’t exactly prepared for Twilight releasing her spell on him in mid-flight. Spike found himself deposited onto the ground in an ungraceful heap, looking through stars at his surrogate sister. “Ow! What was that for!?”
“I’m sorry Spike, but–Oh no! Oh no oh no oh nononononono!” In a rush of hooves and mane, Twilight quickly called upon every secretly stashed document and expertly inked quill. “I can’t believe I did that! How could I?” Checklist after checklist flew in front of her until she finally selected one, the rest of the scrolls impossibly creating a floral pattern on the floor. “Step one, go to Cheerilee’s. Check!”
“Step two: Begin discussion with Cheerilee. Check.”
“Step three: Establish a desire to spend time with Cheerilee. Check.”
“Step five: Profit.” Twilight let the list go slack as she pondered what exactly the profit was, but in this case she scientifically concluded that an established meeting was grounds for a profitable venture. “Check. Where did I go wrong?”
Dutifully, Spike had been picking up every list of Twilight’s secret, often completely not-for-his-eyes that she had left on the floor. The stuff on these private scrolls would likely cause anypony to look at Twilight Sparkle in a new, probably sad, pitying light. Or they’d scandalized that his young dragon eyes had seen them. Of course, seeing as it was a list, and he wrote the lists as Twilight prattled them off, he really wasn’t in the mood to revisit the implications. However, he was at least conscious enough to catch the fault in Twilight’s logic. “I dunno, Twilight. Perhaps because you missed step four?””
“Step four!?” Twilight– nearly but not so completely– screamed. Scanning the checklist in double triple-check fashion, the erroneous lack of step four had been completely overlooked. “What... what have I done? Spike! Do you have any idea what this means?”
“Not gonna lie, Twilight. I don’t,” Spike shrugged, putting the assembled checklists next to the fireplace. With a loud burp, he lit it on fire, casually tossing each checklist into the roaring flame. “Does it mean you don’t have a date?”
“Yes! I mean, no!” Twilight screeched, raising the list to her face and dropping it, hoping that step four will magically appear. “I mean, yes I have a date, but no it might not be a date! It’s disastrous!” Twilight danced on her hooves, looking every which way. “We’re meeting tomorrow at noon and I don’t know if it’s a date or a... a play date! A fake date for a failed pony romance! This can’t do for a friendship report!”
“Friendship report? Twilight, Celestia said not to rush those!” Spike argued, tossing another one of the scrolls into the fire.
Twilight snorted. “But this was something new! Romance reports, Spike! Celestia needs to know that I can move on beyond friendships! That I’m more than the filly who left Canterlot and have become my own mare!”
Spike placed his index claw in his other paw as he considered Twilight’s thought process. “So you’re trying to get your mentor to tell you that you’re your own pony.” Dropping his claws to his side, Spike shook his head as he kicked another scroll into the fire. “I don’t get it.”
Twilight sighed, her legs slipping out from under her as she sat down. Looking up slowly, Twilight finally noticed Spike diligently removing all the evidence that had lead up to this hollow point. However, something nipped at her mind as she watched the scrolls be lit up and eaten by the flames. “Spike, what are those checklists and notes made out of?”
Looking up, Spike matched Twilight’s gaze as he tossed yet another scroll into the inferno. “Paper. You said that when you finally asked Cheerilee out that I was to destroy all evidence–”
Twilight picked herself up, her eyes fixed on the blaze as Spike held the last copy of her more-than-private notes. With a forced sense of calm, Twilight stepped toward Spike. “Yes, paper. But what kind of paper?”
“Um, I guess it’s made out of parchment? Like those made from the trees at the base of Canterlot? I mean, it’s griffin technology transposed onto wood, but the idea is the same...” Spike started, completely missing the looming sense of dread dripping from Twilight’s words as he flipped the last piece over his shoulder and into the hungry fire.
“Spike! Are those made of the same material as the scrolls I use to send reports to Celestia!?” Twilight shouted as she failed to catch the burning remnants of her more adult thoughts. With a widening pit in her stomach, she peered away from the fire and stared straight into Spike’s soul. “The ones that magically transport themselves to Celestia when burned by dragonfire?”
Beads of sweat fell off Spike’s brow as he offered the most sheepish of smiles. “I... think...so?”
o.0.o
“And that’s when the councilmen taught me that you always bring a banana to a party,” Celestia finished, bringing a round of laughs to the assembled ambassadors from beyond the reaches of Equestria. Luna sat at attendance as well, sporting a very regal and yet very fake smile as everyone passed pleasantries. Leaning down to her sister, Celestia privately remarked, “See? This can be fun.”
Luna completely failed to keep herself from rolling her eyes. “Yes, Sister, this is so very... fun.” With a plastic smile and a wave of her hoof, Luna dismissed the attempt at comradery between herself and her sister. She may know the tradition, but that didn’t stop it from being utterly boring.
Celestia sighed, but kept up her appearance as she addressed her crowd, “Now, on to business...”
However, before she could go much further, a wisp of green magic whirled through the open window and flashed into matter in a golden light. “Oh!” the monarch chuckled, unfurling the document with a happy grin. “I’ve told you all about my pupil, Twilight Sparkle. She’s a national hero after stopping the reign of Discord after his unexpected release some time ago.” There was a smattering of grunts and general remarks of praise toward the unicorn mare’s work in keeping the world safe from beings of dark and chaos, all of which were quickly cut off by yet another piece of parchment, this one missing its royal seal as it unfurled on the table. “I wonder what new lesson she has learned, no doubt it is important...”
Not five seconds later the entire meeting was besieged with the hormonal mutterings of Equestria’s Hero in paper form. Celestia was quick to disband the assembled leaders to another room, trying desperately to keep Twilight’s personal notes from their admittedly eager eyes. All the while, Luna’s clear laugh could be heard over the commotion.
“You are right, dear Sister! These meetings are quite fun indeed!”
o.0.o
“Mother, please.” Cheerilee laid her head down on her desk as her mother walked circles around the homework that carpeted the floor.
“Look, Cherry, I’m just saying it’s normal for a mare like you to mess around a little. What about that big fella you were head over hooves for? Big Huckleberry or something?” the aged mother tried. “You wrote me this big sappy letter over him, and yet before I could even meet him, you had already broken up with him.”
Cheerilee picked her head off the table only so she could let it fall back into the hard surface. “Mother. Big Macintosh and I were under a spell. We’ve been over this. Plenty of times.” Putting her hooves down on the desk, Cheerilee realized she was not going to get to her paperwork anytime soon. “I am not looking to get laid at the moment, either.” With a half-hearted glance at the door, she was finally rewarded with the sight that nopony else had heard her say that. “I’m perfectly happy being a single pony.”
“I’m not saying get into a relationship, Cherry, just, well, it’s been four months–” her mother began, but Cheerilee cut her off.
“Yes Mother. I know. I was there. I was there before it happened, I was there when it was happening, I was there when you needled me for three weeks straight about ‘that pony you saw me with,’” Cheerilee exasperated. “This is not a conversation I want to have. Ever. With anypony, least of all my own Mother!” Grunting with her final frustration, Cheerilee again sought solace in the hard, wooden surface of her desk.
The old maroon pony wore an incorrigible grin and finally walked over to her daughter, patting her hoof with her own. “There there, Cherry,” she said, refusing to let go of the foalhood nickname, “I suppose I could stand to be a little more discreet.”
“The word you’re looking for is tactful,” Cheerilee muffled into the desk, but she slowly raised her head up. “But yes, you could. I'm surprised you're able to admit as much.”
With a wrinkled smile and a wink that scared Cheerilee more than putting her at ease, the old mare removed herself from her daughter’s personal space. “So tell me a little more about this Twilight Twinkle.”
“Sparkle, Mother,” Cheerilee said. “She’s known for saving Equestria from evil.”
“Current events were never my strong suit.”
Cheerilee grimaced but decided not to comment. A teacher must always be able to catch her tongue. “What’s there to say. She wants to talk about books tomorrow at lunch.”
“And the ‘afterschool lessons’? I wasn’t born yesterday, Cherry.”
“Coming from my mother that can be the single scariest thing I’ve heard my entire life, and I teach elementary school.” Her mother could only smile on through those impossibly gentle wrinkles that screamed ‘Grandmother of the Year.’ Which possibly drove her mad due to Cheerilee being single and without a foal of her own. “Actually, Twilight is an impossibly smart pony, those afterschool lessons were exactly what they sound like – an opportunity to teach foals afterschool, especially ones like Sweetie Belle or other unicorns. There is only so much magic theory I can teach and Twilight Sparkle is a name that will go in the history books for what she can do with it.”
“Sweetie, I don’t mean to be rude, but you’re boring me. I don’t want to know about your plans further down as a teacher, I told you I’m already as proud as a mother can be that her daughter teaches the next generation, but I. Want. Grandfoals.”
“Mother!”
It didn't take long for Cheerilee's mother to break out laughing. “Don’t ‘Mother’ me, Cherry!" she chided. Yet, the mischevious grin on her face never went away. "You grew up for years saying you wanted to be as good as a mommy as I was– bless your heart– and now you’re making me go through such agonizing years with nothing more than a love potion induced letter about some false boyfriend to keep me sated.”
"I was seven,. I didn't know exactly who my mother really was yet." Cheerilee lifted her head from her desk, her eyelids doing their best impression of a one-dimentional plain. "Besides, I'm gay, mother. If you want grandfoals you'd be better off barking up Cherry Blossom's tree."
With a sigh, the old mare sat herself down at one of the desks in the front row of the classroom. “Your sister... well, she's been spending her days wrapped around other mare's torsos since whe was a foal." Cheerilee's mother smiled serenely. "The apple doesn't fall far from the tree."
Cheerilee groaned and put a hoof against her face. "I think we both fell just far enough, thank you. I'm doing fine they way I am."
Her mother huffed, and possibly puffed. Cheerilee removed her obstructing hoof to see if the latter was true, but unfortunately she was too late to confirm. "I just want to know if my baby is happy. The rest can come later, but you’re in your prime, Cheerilee!”
The schoolteacher was forced to doubletake. It wasn’t every day her mother used her full name. “Foalbearing isn’t on my list of things to do right now. I have my career, my students are like my children...”
“Oh manure, some of those foals need a good smack on the behind.”
“Mom!” The part that infuriated Cheerilee more was the smile on her own face.
“You’re just mad ‘cause I said it out loud. If you ask me, Filthy’s kid needs a bit more than a kick in the ol’ patootie. I’d send that brat off to a boarding school for a couple years. Set her straight and away from daddy’s money.” With a conspiratorial smile, Cheerilee could only let her face fall into her hooves as she considered how was it that she could be a schoolteacher, and yet her mother be such... be such her mother “Now, Twilight Sparkle. You going to try for it?”
“Try for– it’s just lunch, mother.”
“If we’re talking about the little purple spit of a filly that was bounding away from here with a grin bigger ‘n Granny Pie, then I’ll eat my tail if she was that happy over lunch.” Cheerilee looked up from her hoof to see her mother pointing at her accusingly. “That filly has you on the mind.”
“I’m just a schoolteacher, mother. She’s a hero, I don’t really think–”
“Horseapples! You’re gonna treat that pretty filly to a nice, romantic date, and that’ll be the end of it!” A million different reasons and excuses raced through Cheerilee’s mind as she faced her mother, all of them completely valid. I’m my own mare, I don’t need my mother playing matchmaker! I have a career to focus on, I don’t have tenure yet and I can’t risk anything to chance, be it marriage or a broken heart! Why am I having this discussion with my Mother, anyway?
As everything welled up within her, Cheerilee stared into her mother’s eyes and said, “Okay, fine.”
o.0.o
High noon over Sugar Cube Corner. The sun was high in the sky, the clouds had been expertly handled by Rainbow Dash, and those annoying bugs that screech when it’s just so abysmally hot out we’re doing their thing. Cheerilee thought she was going to melt. In fact, upon broad examination of Sugar Cube Corner, she could have sworn the entire place would have sagged over in the humidity alone. The entire place looked like a giant confectionary treat, and considering its inhabitants, it wouldn’t surprise her to see pony-sized holes chewed out of the woodwork.
But then again, these were the same walls that, along with the Boutique, were subject to her love-fueled attack on the town. With a flare of red to her cheeks, Cheerilee realized she could never be sorry enough to the Cakes for not pressing charges on herself or the fillies who crafted the love poison. She was pretty sure she could never have a normal discussion with Mrs. Cake again, especially after she bore witness to her most public of shames for hours on end. With an idle glance, she checked the window to the Corner, and sure enough, Mrs. Cake was there, staring at her with unease. Cheerilee chanced a subtle wave, a small, I’m-not-crazy-I-swear flick of the hoof that hopefully would take the edge of seeing her again.
Mrs. Cake just stared, unblinkingly, until she moved away from the window. Cheerilee resisted the urge to headdesk in public, her face compromising by slamming into her waiting hooves. “Today is already off to a great start.”
“It is?” asked a voice that could only belong to Twilight Sparkle. At this point, Cheerilee was completely expectant of somepony being behind her when she said something out loud to nopony in particular. “D-do you want to cancel the lunch? Is it a bad time? I mean, I–”
“Twilight!” Cheerilee greeted, as if she didn’t just hear the verbal outpouring of low self-esteem. “Good to see you, you wanted to do lunch, here I am. Although...” Cheerilee coughed. Her mother’s face flashed in her mind and it was everything she could do not to visibly grimace. “I would have rather done dinner.”
Twilight’s tail twitched without her will as Cheerilee discussed dinner with her. “What? Oh! Um, we can still do dinner then. Or as well!” With a strained smile, Twilight looked at the sun, willing it to move ahead another five hours. Failing that, she looked back at Cheerilee, her eyes crossing as she tried to remove the glowing dark spot she had burned into her retinas. “Lunch and dinner, ah ha ha... ha?”
Cheerilee couldn’t help but smile. While it was extremely childish behavior, she couldn’t help but be a little enamored in it when it came from Twilight. “I suppose we can do that. I do have a free weekend ahead of me.”
“Saturdays are all about fun! Or so I hear, I spent most of my Saturdays in the Royal library, scouring over books and doing my homework. I even got a lot of extra credit for doing that.” Twilight tried, trying to connect the schoolteacher with the number one student. “Do you do extra credit assignments, Cheerilee?”
“All the time, Twilight. I love when a pony puts forth that little creative spark that keeps learning fun and exhilarating.” Both ponies stared at each other a moment as every bad schoolteacher trope filled their head about ‘extra credit’ that was ‘fun and exhilarating.’ “And then I raise their grade!” Cheerilee blurted out. Twilight continued to stare as Cheerilee quickly decided the grass underhoof was so much more interesting than continuing to speak. Ever.
“I’m, um, impressed you care so much about the study of your students.” Twilight tried, her thoughts trying not to focus on how awkward they were being while simultaneously wishing every euphemism she picked up on to become true.
“Twilight, can I be frank for a moment?” Cheerilee said, prompting Twilight to look directly at her for a moment, deep blush and all. “Did you mean to ask me out to lunch and talk about books... or did you really mean to ask me out to dinner and talk about us.”
Twilight’s pupils shrank. “I, um, asked you out to lunch to talk about books like Fetlock and Hemmingmare and Starswirl–” There was a poignant beat, before her face went full flush, “But I don’t care about the meal, as long as I talk to you,” she chanced. “About books. And things. And classes. It’s all so interesting when I’m talking to you, I even went to a school play to be with you a little longer. Do you know how many school plays I’ve been in? One! It was mandatory and I hated it but the one here, in Ponyville, I’ve got nothing but good memories.”
Cheerilee stared at her friend, a small smile creeping up on her lips. “Oh. Darn.”
Twilight slumped to her rump. “Darn?” Cheerilee didn’t like her. She had no romantic feelings for her what-so-ever. In fact, why did she even consider the fact she liked stallions? I mean, sure the love-poison thing with Big Mac was, well, love poison, but it was still a stallion. “O-okay. Yeah. I guess... darn!”
“And that concludes the fundamental theorem of Calculus. Anypony have any questions?” Cheerilee asked her class, her bright eyes scanning the room for any glazed over expressions. Luckily, her fears were unfounded as even Snips and Snails seemed excited over the prospect of math, of all things. “Very good, class. Now, I know you all have been waiting very patiently for class to end, and seeing that it’s such a nice day out, I think I can turn you all loose early for the day–”
With an unnatural roar, the class exploded into a frightful din, the students immediately starting to pack their school utensils into their desks as they let their thoughts run over the wonderful gift of an extra half an hour their teacher had given them. “Now, everypony, I want questions one through ten done tonight, and question eleven is extra credit for anypony who wants to take a chance at Differential Calculus.”
“Oh! Do we get extra credit anyway for attempting it?” Sweetie Belle chimed, raising her hoof into the air. Cheerilee chuckled but answered with a slight nod. “Yaaaay! Come on girls! Tonight we’re gonna be Cutie Mark Crusader Mathematicians!”
Applebloom beamed at her friends as she skipped out the door, her nose directed in the general direction of the clubhouse. “I can’t wait!”
“I don’t even know what that is and I’m excited!” Scootlaoo called after the two, galloping not too far behind. Cheerilee took a seat at her desk, smiling as the rest of the class exited. As the last foal trundled out behind Snips and Snails, Cheerilee’s serene expression faded as she let her face slump on her desk.
“What a week...” Cheerilee breathed, her eyes fluttering. Silver Spoon and Diamond Tiara were caught bullying Snips and Snails on Monday, and after the talk with their parents, the two had been model students. Wednesday was when she had so foalishly promised to have her book reports graded and turned back, so she had spent her Tuesday evening under the lamplight, and Wednesday was spent scheduling for next week. Thursday was when she brought in a guest speaker from Hoofington, and she had to treat them out to dinner as part of the agreement with the school board. And now it was Friday, and unlike last week, she need not have to worry about a legion of pony writing to worry her. Cheerilee allowed herself a tired smile. It had been mildly awkward, but she had asked Twilight to help with the scheduling on Wednesday, and she seemed so excited.
Twilight Sparkle, there’s a pony who she never expected to have fallen for her. Cheerilee picked herself off her desk and rested her head on her hoof. The schoolteacher huffed as she recalled the first thing she said. “My mother has a way of needling herself into all of my relationships,” she thought aloud.
Cheerilee wasn’t even close to surprised when she heard Twilight Sparkle at the door. “Oh! Um,” Twilight was making awkward faces, framed in the doorway. Cheerilee slid her head lazily as she greeted Twilight.
“Come in,” she beckoned, not wishing to keep Twilight outside. “It’s been quite a long day. It’s been quite an exciting day of teaching, no small thanks to your scheduling ability, Twilight.” Cheerilee praised, watching Twilight’s slow movements around the tables of the classroom. Absentmindedly, Twilight’s magic picked up a pencil that she had just barely kicked with a hoof, left by some lazy schoolfoal.
“Oh! Yes? I mean, thanks,” Twilight said, her eyes looking at just about everything in the room but Cheerilee. Getting up on her hooves, Cheerilee walked around her desk, putting herself in full view of Twilight as the unicorn danced around the desks.
Wearing an unsure expression, Cheerilee leaned her head forward. “Um, Twilight? Did you have any reason for coming by? Not that I don’t mind you visiting, but you seem–” Despite never making eye contact with Cheerilee, Twilight managed to completely forget that she was navigating chairs. With a loud crash and a tangle of hooves, Twilight screeched in terror as she fell to the ground, her hoof caught in the vice-like grip of an inanimate object. Wincing back, Cheerilee could only survey the carnage as Twilight groaned on the floor. “–distracted. Are you alright, Twilight.”
“F-F-Fine!” she lied, kicking off the demon chair with a desperate push. The pencil she held was quickly joined by the floating furniture. “Peachy–perfect!” With a scramble of hooves and a spark of her horn, Twilight’s magic started to hastily right what she had wronged. “Just a trip.” Now she was looking at Cheerilee, her eyes begging not to be judged. “Everypony trips, I mean, who doesn’t? I’ve seen Celestia trip before!”
Cheerilee’s eyes never left the chair that Twilight was horrendously trying to upright. “And as for the etiquette of putting a chair back upright..?” As of that moment, Twilight had opened the student’s desk and was attempting to compact the chair inside. Ceasing her magic, Twilight stared at the impossible task, her mouth open but unsure of what to say anymore. Chuckling, Cheerilee grabbed the chair leg in her mouth and placed it gently on the floor.
“I-I-I–” Twilight stammered, her magic still spinning the pencil. As the redness in her cheeks continued to flare, Cheerilee could feel a latent fear for her schoolhouse if she didn’t stop the mare before she reached critical mass. “I just wanted to come by and maybe ask you if you wanted to do something andmaybedinnerIhearthenewDaringDoiscom–”
Reaching over, Cheerilee’s hoof wrapped around Twilight’s neck and brought her close, sealing the librarian’s mouth her own. This had the added benefit of being a kiss. Twilight’s eyes went wide as saucers, the pencil in her grasp flying completely out of her magical grasp. At that moment, Twilight started to go limp in the schoolteacher’s hooves, her tense muscles relaxing as her eyes started to roll back.
Releasing the unicorn, Cheerilee fought to keep her raging blush from turning her face any redder than it already was. “Ahem– Twilight,” Cheerilee began, her lips tingling. “Sweet Celestia,” she whispered, her mind coming back into focus. “We went over this before on Wednesday. There is simply no reason to be shy with me!”
“I... you... kissed me,” Twilight murmured.
Cheerilee blinked. “Yes.”
“You hadn’t kissed me before.”
Cheerilee opened her mouth to answer, but her voice caught in her throat. They hadn’t? It had been a week; she usually had a better track record than that.
“I hadn’t even been kissed before.” Twilight said, her voice strangely subdued. Cheerilee felt her stomach drop from under her. Twilight Sparkle hadn’t been kissed before? Like, ever? “M-m-my first kiss.”
“T-Twilight!” Cheerilee said, her eyes bulging. “I am so, so, sor–”
“EEEEeeeeeeEEEEE!” Twilight squeaked, her smile exploding onto her face. “You kissed me! I kissed somepony and that pony was Cheeeeerrrrileeee!” Bounding up into the air, Cheerilee was witness to a phenomenon that very few ponies were ever privy to– a feelingsgasm. Watching her marefriend bounce around, Cheerilee’s eyes could only follow Twilight’s flickering tail, her gaze firmly on her surprisingly firm-looking hindquarters.
Snapping herself out of it was a task upon itself, but eventually Cheerilee caught Twilight in mid-landing, corralling Twilight and giving her an emergency peck on the cheek. All at once, Twilight froze up, her smile frozen on her face as she looked gleefully into emerald eyes. “G’hee!” she laughed with suppressed glee. Cheerilee was smiling so hard herself that her cheeks started to hurt.
“So, you were talking about dinner?” Cheerilee asked calmly. Looking into her eyes, Twilight nodded quickly, her dazzling smile completely stuck on her face. “Then we’ll do dinner.”
Cheerilee trotted out of the schoolhouse, the picture of keeping her cool, while Twilight scrambled behind her, her hooves disobeying her every through as they skipped about without her permission. “Where’re we going?”
“Oh, I dunno. We’ll figure it out on the way,” Cheerilee sang, her brain trying so hard to keep her smile down; her cheeks were feeling mildly sore.
At the other entrance into the schoolhouse, the barely faded maroon pony watched the two mares trot off, a smile growing on her own face. “No after school lessons you said, Cherry. How could you lie to your mother?” With a mischievous giggle of her own, the middle-aged pony skipped her way a far distance behind the two.
The Blue Mare, in what Twilight Sparkle was sure was false advertising, had its walls painted in an array of seductive reds. Gold trim bordered all the rooms and doorways, including the fake windows that dotted the walls. The small alcoves were home to an array of roses and other romantic flowers, which were accented with the complex floral pattern on the carpeting, with its green vines and red flowers. It was the perfect spot for a romantic evening.
“It’s a bit much, isn’t it?” Cheerilee asked, her voice tinged with boredom. Twilight snapped back to attention as the schoolteacher went on. “I swear, I read the exact same kind of restaurant description in all my books, and this place looks like it was lifted right off the pages.”
“And what’s with the name, ‘The Blue Mare?’ It sounds like a bar in Canterlot,” Twilight added, taking a long, exaggerated sip from her small glass of wine. A stock smile was plastered on her face, hiding the very fact that The Blue Mare was a bar in Canterlot. A bar for fillies. A bar for fillies who liked other fillies. They had the best Maregaritas.
“They have the best Maregaritas,” Cheerilee smiled, giving Twilight a conspiratorial wink. The poor girl gagged so hard on her drink that she nearly gave Cheerilee an impromptu shower, but instead decided it would be better to drown in her own embarrassment and started coughing and sputtering into her magically levitating napkin. Cheerilee’s hoof dove for her own napkin, hesitating on passing it to Twilight or not as she ignored the looks from the other tables.
“I’m fi–” Twilight coughed, trying desperately to calm down. “Fine,” she guttered out, her voice a little hoarse. Cheerilee, on the other hoof, was failing spectacularly at keeping her face straight as Twilight kept her face hidden in the scarlet napkin. “I didn’t think you made it out of Ponyville much.”
“I’m a little older than you, Twilight, and I’ve had plenty of opportunities to see Equestria myself. I did have to go to college to become a teacher, after all.” Cheerilee smiled, her eyes wandering toward the ceiling in thought. “I was born in Canterlot, and spent some years there before moving to Ponyville."
Twilight straightened up immediately as the subject of her hometown came up. “You did?” she beamed, her voice still carrying a bit of grunting to it.
"Yes, then..." Cheerilee trailed off, her eyes narrowing. "A lot happened, I and my sister were just fillies at the time. We were here a while before my mother was called back to Canterlot just when I was finishing up my education, so my last years of school and college were actually in Canterlot."
"That's... fascinating, Cheerilee!" Twilight's growling voice was almost fully recovered, sounding much more like herself than a grizzled crime-fighter. "That means you might have even met my brother around that time."
Cheerilee chuckled. "Yes. Actually, did you know that he came to me to ask about Princess Cadenza? I had only just moved there but I guess even then students trusted me."
Twilight's face drained of color as she looked at her marefriend. "You!?" Gasping for breath like she had been kicked in the chest, Twilight shook her head. "Had my brother not... he could have never got together with Cadence!" Putting her hooves on the side of her head, she eyed the glass of wine eagerly. "Wow. Woow
Cheerilee couldn't help but giggle a little bit. "Did I just blow your mind, Twilight?" All she got in return was a dumb nod and a very thirsty pony as Twilight made as if to down the rest of her drink. Deciding to partake a little for herself, Cheerilee decided it was best to continue the conversation elsewhere. "I loved Canterlot. There is so much to it, the architechure, the libraries–"
Twilight's ears perked up. Reeling back from her now decidedly almost empty drink, she couldn't help but interrupt her date. “The knowledge, the sophistication, the atmosphere–”
“The late-night parties, all those wonderfully toned unicorns...” Cheerilee smiled, a sly smile growing wider as her date’s face grew terribly white, then red, then white again. “Oh ho, Twilight, I’m kidding,” Cheerilee comforted. “Sort of,” she relented. Twilight stared at the empty table in front of her, her eyes finding the cross stitch on the tablecloth to be exceptionally fascinating. By the intensity of her focus, one might have expected her to find the code to all of magicdom in it. “Twilight?”
Looking up slightly, Twilight gave a pitiful smile. “I never partied much when I was younger.”
“I’m not surprised, Twilight. I was a mare with no expectations, but you were the Princess’s personal purple pupil pony!”
“Try saying that five times fast,” Twilight choked out, her voice finally returning to normal. Cheerilee took this with a smile, but Twilight wasn’t looking at her.
Looking beyond Cheerilee, she noticed another mare that looked a lot like the schoolteacher, but obviously older, with a darker tone to her coat. She gave Twilight the biggest smile and a little wave, which the unicorn was about to return when the waiter appeared, slipping her portabella mushroom burger on the table.
“Apologies about the wait, madams,” the green stallion smiled, his horn letting down Cheerilee’s full salad down in front of her. “If there is anything more I can get you, please do not hesitate to ask,” he smiled, before turning to go.
“Oh, waiter, I did have something to ask. I seem to be out of wine, so if you’d be so kind...” Twilight began, but the waiter was quick to produce a bottle. Smiling, Twilight raised her glass, which the auburn-haired stallion quickly filled. “Thank you.”
“Would you like me to leave the bottle?”
Twilight looked unsure, but Cheerilee placed her hoof on his outstretched foreleg, gently coaxing him to leave it on the table. “Yes, please. That way we don’t have to track you down later if we’re feeling a bit parched.”
With a pause and a smile, the green stallion left the bottle. “Let me know if you need anything else.” With that, the pony was off, disappearing behind one of the many walls that divided the sections of the restaurant.
“Don’t we have to pay extra for the bottle?” Twilight asked, suspiciously eying the tall glass bottle, tinged with green glass with a very deep red liquid inside, tinted into a purple color.
Cheerilee smiled, tipping her glass back as she sipped her wine. “It’s on me Twilight. I really don’t get out much, so even on a teacher’s salary, I have quite a few bits saved for nights out like this!” Twilight seemed unsure, picking up her knife and fork with her magic and attempting to cut into her mushroom burger instead of dwelling on it. “It’s really alright, Twilight.” However, Twilight’s brow was furrowed as she continued to attempt to cut through her mushroom, the knife speeding up it’s cutting motion as the unicorn’s horn flared. “Twilight, dear, you might want to–”
“It’s alright, Cheerilee, I got this just fine. The mushroom is just– really tough!” Beads of sweat started to appear on her brow as the blade swished back and forth, rubbing uselessly against the rubbery texture of the mushroom. “How do they expect anypony to eat this if a knife can’t even cut through it?”
Cheerilee smiled, leaning her head on her hoof as she watched Twilight work much too hard at cutting her mushroom into manageable pieces. Pushing her mane to one side, she reached out to her date. “Twilight, you’re using the wrong side of the knife.” Placing her hoof on Twilight’s leg, Cheerilee didn’t expect what happened next.
The knife turned into a rocket.
Suddenly a ballistic weapon, Twilight’s knife careened off the mushroom-steak burger and into the open air near Cheerilee’s head, severing a large lock of her hair. Whizzing past the aged mare behind Cheerilee, the knife found itself heading for the only real window in the room, thankfully left open to let the afternoon breeze in.
The knife soared across Ponyville, seeking out loose manes in its quest for slicing justice. Whipping about, nopony’s mane was safe. It gave Hokey Smokes a buzz cut, shaved half of Ace’s mutton chops, and gave Rabbit Foot the best mustache trim he ever had. And it cleared the village and headed into the Everfree forest, where it would eventually befriend a sea serpent and have adventures. It was a good life for the knife.
Elsewhere, Twilight gaped numbly at the lock of pink and puce hair that had fallen in the salad. Cheerilee reached slowly to her mane, finding roughly six inches of space where her mane had been just moments ago. Her eyes trailed downward, her ruined salad buried under a sea of pink. The restaurant patrons around them stared at the ponies in silent judgment of their crimes against normalcy.
Slowly, Cheerilee raised her hoof up, and within moments the green stallion had returned. “Uh, mm. Waiter?”
“Yes?” He asked, having witnessed the entire spectacle. Twilight still stared off into space, unbelieving of what had just transpired. Cheerilee motioned slowly to her plate.
“I believe... that there is some hair in my salad.”
“I can see that. Would you like me to ask the chef to make you a new one? On the house, of course.”
Cheerilee nodded dumbly. “That would be wondeful, thank you.”
With a spark of his horn, the waiter picked up the salad in a wash of red-orange magic, giving the two mares a smile. “If there is anything else I can get you two, just let me know–”
“Wine!” Cheerilee blurted out. Twilight’s eyes shifted to the bottle already on the table. Cheerilee’s voice stayed calm and steady, her eyes deadlocked on the waiter’s. “More wine. Please.”
A new knife and a new salad later, and the two mares were quickly going nowhere in their date. Twilight’s eyes found the table legs of their fellow patrons to be the most fascinating thing on this side of Canterlot. Cheerilee had been focused on the fact that she kept lifting her hooves on the table with singular strands of pink hair stuck to her fuchsia coat. Subconsciously, Cheerilee reached for the part of her mane that currently existed as a salad dressing in the trash, nicking the side of her neck as she did. “Ssst, ow,” Cheerilee breathed, finding a small cut on the side of her neck.
At the sound of constrained pain, Twilight’s eyes immediately snapped back to Cheerilee. “Oh no." Her eyes darted to and fro all over Cheerilee's neck, searching for the offending blemish. "Oh no, no, Cheerilee! Did I hurt you?”
Putting her hoof back on the table a bit too quickly, Cheerilee shook her head. “It’s nothing, Twilight. A small little cut– I don’t think I’m even bleeding.” However, she hadn’t finished her sentence when suddenly she found her personal space completely ignored by Twilight as she examined Cheerilee’s neck. “T-Twilight Sparkle!”
“Hold still and let me look at it,” Twilight muttered, her eyes looking at every detail of Cheerilee’s neck. Logically, she started where Cheerilee’s mane had mysteriously stopped, and quickly found a small laceration. “Oh no, this is serious,” her voice barely above a whisper.
Cheerilee’s hoof quickly shoved itself between Twilight and her injury, her eyes quickly darting at everypony that was currently watching them. Which was, in fact, everypony. “Twilight, please, I’m fine.” Cheerilee had never had a single part of her body encased in magic before, and the sensation of having a limb completely cut off from her control was, to be fair, distressing. So when Twilight’s magic gripped the schoolteacher's hoof and moved it from her prying gaze, Twilight’s muzzle a hair’s breadth away from Cheerilee’s neck, her hot breath rolling down the Earth pony’s chest... She was completely taken aback by the whole of everything. “T-t-t-t-Twilight!”
Cheerilee and Twilight Sparkle were sat up against the sidewall of the room, disallowing anypony from getting an accurate view of what the two mares were doing. Twilight’s mane obscured her face and her whispering was nigh inaudible to the curious ponies that surrounded them. “Don’t worry, Cheerilee, I know what I’m doing. I’ll fix this.”
“Now is neither the time nor place, Twilight...!” Cheerilee trailed, her voice growing louder and higher as she spoke. Undeterred, Twilight dove ever closer to the cut, her horn starting to glow.
“Just a moment, Cheerilee! I found out a new spell that’s perfect for cuts like this,” Twilight whispered, her attention focused completely on the task at hand and not at all on the fact she looked like she was moving in on Cheerilee’s neck. “Mmm, yes.” Twilight said, slightly louder. “How’s that feel?” The magic started to take effect around the wound, filling Cheerilee with an odd sense of pleasure.
“O-uh-uh–Oh!” she mumbled, her eyes falling into half-moons. “Twilight, whatever you’re doing you have my express permission to keep going.”
Twilight giggled despite herself– Cheerilee was such a willing participant when she wanted to be! Newly determined to make up for her mistake, Twilight focused on repairing the skin around the cut, pulling the severed bonds back together. Despite the size of the cut, the spell was causing strain on the unicorn, causing beads of sweat to form on her brow. Her muscles started to strain from the pressure, and her breathing started to become slightly labored. Cheerilee could only moan slightly as the healing process reverberated from her neck where Twilight was working her magic.
“Twilight, please, just–” It was endorphins, that much was sure. “Don’t stop.” Cheerilee cursed herself. However, magically infused endorphins were probably a very dangerous substance. She knew very much that she was not in control. “Keep doing what you’re doing and– and!” That did not stop her from trying to curl her hooves up and slam the table as the pleasure of the spell healing her put her mind into fractals.
Likely that was the very reason the spell wasn’t performed by medical professionals. Probably nothing else about the spell. Certainly not the fact that it was quite possibly the most awkward thing for everyone involved that wasn't Twilight Sparkle.
It was that or their exceeding difficulty, as Twilight’s breaths were becoming increasingly more labored, and she was almost gasping for air as she knitted the skin back together. “Nnnnnngh.” Quite possibly, the medical professionals that did know and used the spell would know to keep all attempts at healing magic sequestered away into private seeing rooms. “Twilight...” Away from the public spectacle.
“Finished!” Twilight gasped, her head snapping back to its neutral position. Wiping the sweat from her brow with a free hoof, Twilight wearily returned to her seat. “See! I made it all better!”
Cheerilee’s eyes fluttered, her neck still craned back from her moment. “I... yes, Twilight.” Coughing uneasily, her brain started to whirr back to life. “Yes, um. Thank you.” Tentatively, Cheerilee reached her hoof up to the spot where the cut had been. A few careful rubs on the prickling area of skin was enough to confirm that any damage that had been done was completely fixed. “Wow, I’ve... never had that happen before.”
“I learn a lot of things from books.”
“You’re really good at putting it into practice then. That’s really exciting, Twilight.”
“Did I ever tell you about what I learned about running from a book?” Twilight beamed, her conversational partner suddenly looking around the restaurant. “I’m just so glad I could fix my error earlier.”
“I really thought you were just trying to...” Cheerilee locked eyes with the waiter, who was standing across the room with a dumb look on his face. “To kiss it and make it better...” She looked at another pony across the aisle from her. That pony was staring at her, too.
Everypony was looking at them. Cheerilee knew that. But no none of them were talking. To be fair, no one was sure if they were drawing breath anymore.
“Oh... Horseapples.”
“What?” Twilight asked, her attention finally diverting toward the rest of the ponies. “Oh! Um.” Twilight’s eyebrow furrowed as everypony in the vicinity quickly delved back into the food, not wishing to make eye contact with her. As the entire restaurant flooded back into a din of chatter, Twilight looked back at Cheerilee. “What was that about?”
“I... um...” Cheerilee’s face was redder than Big Mac. “Oh dear, Twilight I think you got their attention.”
“What? You mean with my spell?” Twilight asked, before gesturing to the table next to her, where two stallions were enjoying dinner. The pegasus and the unicorn quickly looked up, their eyes filled with stars as Twilight addressed them. “Excuse me, sirs, were you interested in what I was doing? If you’d like, I could show you,” Twilight gestured to the unicorn, “how to do it for you!”
“Wh-what!?” the midnight blue pegasus sputtered. Looking over to the peach-colored unicorn, he was almost equally horrified at the gigantic grin on his mate’s face. “You can’t be serious.”
The stallion unicorn shrugged. “Aw, Canvas, she’s asking. It’s only polite to humor her!” the unicorn smiled. Canvas hid behind his canary yellow mane and whimpered.
Cheerilee reached over to Twilight and, after making a quick check for flying cutlery, placed a calming hoof on Twilight’s leg. “Twilight, um, I don’t think they know what you mean.”
Leaning back to her own table, Twilight gave Cheerilee an incredulous look. “Well, what else could they think I mean?” Looking over at their neighbors, the two ponies quickly saw that the stallions had vacated the premises. “Oh, they’re– gone?”
“Twilight, I’m trying to say that, well,” Cheerilee, spun her hooves around one another, trying to come up with the best way to approach Twilight. “What you did was a little... suggestive.”
“They didn’t pay their bill– suggestive?” Twilight said, her voice sharp. “What could I have possibly done to be suggestive?”
Cheerilee’s face deadpanned. “You’re not serious.” This was the mare she was falling for.
“Of course!” Twilight waved her hooves about, her voice growing a few octaves. “All I did was follow the book’s instructions! It said I had to be close to the neck, and make sure to focus on what I was doing. As long as the pony felt good, then I was doing it right!” Twilight raised an eyebrow. “And by the look of your neck, I did it very right.” The smug look on her face would have offended Discord.
“Oh sweet merciful Celestia.” Cheerilee buried her head in her hooves. “Twilight, it looked like you were necking me.”
A blank stare. It was like she was back in the classroom. Although she had to admit, teaching general Sex-Ed to ponies generally garnered the same reaction.
“It means kissing. A lot.”
Twilight’s pupils started to dilate.
“On the neck.”
Twilight began to sweat again.
"In an extremely sensual fashion."
Twilight's breathing became fast and sharp.
Cheerilee raised the bottle of wine and poured it into Twilight’s waiting glass. Without waiting for the glass to fill, Twilight’s hoof shot out, grabbed her glass, and downed the alcohol within a second.
“Another please.”
Cheerilee did as she was bidden. It was already gone when she finished.
“Another.”
“Twilight...”
“Please.”
Pour. Drink. Glass hit the table.
“Another.”
“I might have to order another bottle. How much do you need?”
“Until I can’t feel shame.”
Cheerilee stared at Twilight, the latter’s hooves trembling. With a sigh, Cheerilee inwardly cursed her younger, wilder days for the actions she was about to partake in next. “We’re going to need stronger wine.”
“More wine?” the waiter asked, his magic picking up an empty bottle of wine. “Or has your partner here had enough?”
“Lesssssee ‘bout that,” Twilight giggled, her hooves over her snout. Every laugh carried a wet rumbling noise that sent her into a further bout of giggles which Cheerilee could only watch in smiling incredulousness. “Mmmmyes! More wine, sirrririrrriiirrrr.” Twilight slapped the table with her hoof, nodding with the worst attempt at class the waiter had ever seen.
“Ma’am?” the green pony asked, turning his attention toward Cheerilee.
“No, I think I’m fine! Somepony has to walk her home, after all!” Smiling sweetly, she waved off the waiter while he fled to retrieve more social lubricant from the back. “Twilight, are you sure you want another bottle? I know I said I could pay for the dinner, but too much more and we’ll be—”
“S’fine! S’fine, really! I’m the Prinnncesseseses’ personal pupple. Pupil,” Twilight hicked, blinking off synch. “Do you know how much bits I have saved up!? I could... buy and sell this place! And then have more bits!” Twilight’s eyes grew wide. “Ohmigosh! Cheerilee, I could go into real estate!”
Leaning her head into her hoof, Cheerilee smiled as she witnessed Twilight’s downward spiral. “Real estate.”
“Yes! The house market is booming right now in Ponyville and I could buy one, and sell it at a... a... really good price and then have more money! And then I could save Equestria by buying off whatever stupid villainous scheme comes up next.”
“Schemes, Twilight? Really?”
“Oh yessss. Discord, Chrysalis...” Twilight mumbled... “Um, Nightmare Moon. Oh my gosh, Cheerilee! Nightmare. As in like, a female pony. Like you and me!” Peeling her eyes, Twilight gave the window a suspicious gaze. “She’s so clever.”
“Princess Luna? I doubt she’d have much use for money. She is the Princess after all.” In some sick part of her mind, Cheerilee was enjoying this. Unfortunately, it was a rather large portion of her mind, to boot.
“I haveta use the little fillies’ room,” Twilight suddenly announced, far louder than she had any need to. “I require a map. Blueprints or schematics of the restaurant.”
“You could follow the signs, dear.”
Twilight’s eyes narrowed at the small sign that adorned the far wall.
[Restrooms →]
Smiling and mumbling excuses through a ferocious blush, Twilight stumbled off through the restaurant. Cheerilee smiled after her. It took her a good fifteen seconds to realize she was watching Twilight’s rear end as she walked. Blinking hard, Cheerilee refocused her thoughts as she went over her date. Twilight was a lot of things, but to say she was a boring old bookworm would have quite possibly the worst assessment of her date she ever heard.
Time passed, and Cheerilee sent the waiter away when he had shown up with the third bottle of wine. “I think she’s really had enough, thank you.”
“That was apparent from the fifth glass,” the stallion smirked. Cheerilee shot him a look, but he merely trotted off with a smirk on his face. Scowling with a smile, Cheerilee picked herself up off the table and stretched her hooves. Twilight had been gone a while, and unfortunately, that could have meant she’d find the mare face down in a toilet in the fillies’ room.
Or, as experience had taught her, the colt’s room was just as likely.
Walking in a decidedly straighter line to the restroom than her date, Cheerilee quickly found nothing in the restroom for fillies. She asked a passing stallion if a lavender unicorn had passed out in the gentlecolt’s room, and he mercifully told her that it was clear of any unconscious ponies, male or female. Wearing a pensive look, she trotted back to her table, fearing the drunken pony may have taken off into the streets. As she rounded the corner to the room they had been sat in, the reality of the situation was, in fact, much worse.
“Mother!”
Twilight Sparkle looked up from not her own table but the one displaced by a few rows, sitting with the spitting image of Cheerilee given twenty years time and a pound of perfume. Waving enthusiastically at her date, Twilight suddenly looked between the two mares. “Ohmigosh! Cheerilee, you got cloned! And old! But young, too!”
Despite the jab, Cheerilee’s mother wore a saintly smile. “Cherry, dear, come sit with us. Twilight here was just telling me all about your relationship.”
Taking a step forward, Cheerilee wondered if anypony could lose all the blood in their face and to the point where they would fall unconscious. She would have liked that, right then. Walking with practiced focus, the schoolteacher made her way to her mother’s table, her train of thought quickly interrupted as Twilight’s hooves fell around her.
“Cheerilee! I’ve figured it out. That’s your mom!” Twilight said, her snout mere centimeters from Cheerilee’s. “When I came back, I thought I had been gone for years, and you waited for me all this time. You’re so loyal, Cheerilee. The best mare a girl could ask for!” Burying her head against Cheerilee’s chest, Twilight nuzzled deeply in a way a child might a parent. “You waited for me.”
“Um, Twilight, that’s not—” Cheerilee cut herself off, focusing her attention on her mother. Mouthing a quick what are you doing here to the matron, she put her hooves around Twilight defensively.
“Oh, Cherry. I was just in the neighborhood. I was feeling a bit famished and thought I’d stop by. Really, it’s no problem, is it?” Cheerilee could swear she saw a silver tongue flash behind perfect white teeth.
“Heeheeehee... Cherry. I like that. Cherrylee.” Twilight cooed, closing her eyes as she hung loosely on Cheerilee. “Hey Cheerilee Cherrylee~!”
Cheerilee hoisted Twilight up onto her hooves and smiled vainly through her teeth. “No problem at all, mother. Just wish you could have given me a little warning, is all.” She looked at the increasingly inebriated unicorn in her hooves. Twilight was trying desperately to stay vertical despite no longer knowing where was up and what way was down. Gingerly, Cheerilee coaxed Twilight away from her mother. “Come on Twilight, let’s get back to the table. We still have to pay.”
“M’not hungry anymore, Cheery.” Rolling her eyes, Cheerilee sat Twilight in her chair and moved to the other side of the table so she could keep an eye on her mother. “Oh no! I’m in your chair, Cherrycheeri—” With a hiccup, Twilight finished, “—chonga.”
“As a schoolteacher, I have to teach that it is important to share our things. You can— Cherry what?”
“Izzzwhat Pinkie Pie wanted. I meant to get her one but she’s a baker and I’m not good at cooking...” Twilight mumbled, her eyes searching the tablecloth. “I can’t find any books about them either.” Sliding her hooves in front of her, Twilight hunched over the table, her eyes peeling. “I think! She mussst’ve made it up. It’s the only explanation.”
Cheerilee fought to hold back her smile–her teacher’s intuition told her it would only reinforce Twilight’s behavior. Eyeing her own empty wine glass, Cheerilee quickly rebuked it. “She’s a baker like you said. Nothing would ever get made if it had to come from a cookbook.”
Twilight sat up straight. “Of course. Invention! It’s the necessity of the mother! No, I mean—” Twilight paused. “Pinkie must need a chonga. She invented it! Ohmygosh! Cherrycheeri... Lee. Pinkie needs her chonga!”
Cheerilee stared. “Her chonga.”
Slamming her hoof on the table, Twilight brought herself up to her full height. “I must give Pinkie my Chonga!" she declared.
Cheerilee stole a glance around the room. Everypony was indeed watching them. Again. “And there goes the shame. Twilight! Please come down from there.”
Twilight stared down at her date with a quizzical expression. “Do you want my Chonga as well?”
Behind her, Cheerilee’s mother was currently enacting her impression of what ‘chonga’ meant. A nearby father covered his son’s eyes at the crude display between the knife and the fork. Unlike his flighted cousin, this knife was content to live a sedentary life with its pronged soulmate. It was used to being used in manners not befitting cutlery. What it wasn’t used to was enacting an explicit love affair with a fork.
“Excuse me, ma’am?” a strawberry coated mare with a yellow mane asked. Her cutie mark was the picture of the most perfect cup of coffee. “Could you please put the silverware down? You’re disturbing the other customers.” With a woeful glance over to Twilight Sparkle, Cheerilee’s mother let herself dwell on the fact that she was the disturbing one in public. However, she briefly locked eyes with her daughter. A smile slowly spread over her face as she looked back at her waitress, giving the young mare a once over. “Perhaps I could interest you with some hot coffee while you wait?” Cheerilee’s ears twitched as she heard the mare ask her mother that question. The question that haunted her youth. The same question she had heard asked to her mother by Mayor Mare. Mrs. Cake when she was still Ms. Cake. And that Manehatten mare, Orange Julius. And so many, many more.
Hot Coffee was a dangerous phrase.
Cheerilee moved faster than her buzzed brain could pick up on. Acting on instinct, she quickly grabbed their bill. Her fidgeting limbs attempted to stabilize Twilight Sparkle as she dragged her date toward the register. “Well, we’ve certainly had a night, Twilight—”
“Yes, mm! I would be interested in your hot coffee.”
“I like coffee,” Twilight mused as her eyes began to droop at an alarming rate. “Cherrylee, I wan’ some hot coffee,” Twilight giggled as she started to move forward.
“Noooo,” Cheerilee started, taking a precautionary glance backward. It had already begun. Her mother was smoozing over to the unexpecting waitress. She didn’t want to know what happened next. “Coffee is a morning drink, Twilight. You’ll stunt your growth if you drink it before bed!”
Twilight grunted. “That’s just an old mare’s tale...”
“Oh really? I too, am a huge fan of a little... French Vanilla.” Cheerilee's mother had the tone of a siren.
“Think of how many old mare’s tales end up being true!” Cheerilee tried, recalling the events of the Longest Night. “Not everypony can take such risks all the time.”
“That’s true. Oh Cheerilee, you know what’s... what’s best.” Twilight snored. She was walking, talking, and generally being an agreeable drunk, and yet she just snored. Cheerilee couldn’t help but pause and admire this mare’s hidden talents, but a crash from behind bolstered her into action. Forget the siren. That was the sound of a succubus.
Cheerilee busied herself in the Library’s kitchen, her upbeat humming in harmony with the mid-morning sunlight that beamed through the window. Truly, she felt at the top of her game, ready to tackle anything the day might throw at her–and rightly, it would throw everything it could. Putting together a pair of daisy sandwiches, Cheerilee couldn’t help but start to bend her back legs a bit, hopping about and dancing to some imaginary tune.
It wasn’t long at all before she was shaking what her momma gave her. “Who’s a silly pony~!” Cheerilee sang, a foalish smile on her face. Swinging about, Cheerilee started to lose herself in the old pony pop song, calling back to the old days of fast living and ridiculous hair of her youth. Abandoning the sandwiches on the table, Cheerilee went into full ‘break it down’ mode, her limbs shaking off their rust as the schoolteacher performed her celebratory dance in the solitude of the kitchen.
Pulling off moves that would make Pinkie Pie jealous, Cheerilee swept her tail across the seats at the table set against the wall, dusting off the chairs as she continued to rock out. Despite the tragic loss of a few inches of her mane, it still flowed around her like a satin curtain. “Who is? You is–Twilight Sparkle!”
Framed in the doorway, Twilight Sparkle stood stoically at the frozen Cheerilee in mid-breakdance. A long silence filled the air as Twilight’s eyes attempted to decode the situation, but the throbbing at the back of her head caused her to forget what just happened.
“I have become death.”
Already on her hooves, Cheerilee trotted over to Twilight, bolstering her marefriend and leading her to her seat. “Oh, you poor dear. You must have one terrible headache.”
“I will burn down the countrysides and all will fear me.”
Taking up the daisy sandwiches and placing one in front of Twilight, Cheerilee quickly set about gathering a strange amount of ingredients. Among them included garlic, onions, toothpaste, orange juice, ground up coffee beans, and half of a chocolate bar.
It had to be half a chocolate bar. Not a chocolate bar cut in half, mind. It had to be one whose intention in life was to be eaten as it's other half had been some time ago. That loss of purpose, stolen from it, was the ingredient that the half a chocolate bar represented. In a pinch, watermelon rind would do.
Gathering further ingredients, Cheerilee set to work. Over at the kitchen table, Twilight let her mane fall over her eyes as she slumped. Her voice was subdued, but with purpose.
“I shall bring Canterlot to its end, and all shall know my pain.”
Thankfully finding a blender with a Canterlot Cutlery branding, Cheerilee put all the foodstuffs in the gaping maw of the machine. With a tentative glance back at Twilight Sparkle, Cheerilee pressed the Food Hurricane setting on the blender and watched the green sludge start to form. Twilight released a groan as loud as the blender as the high pitched sound drove nails into her brain.
“A pox! A pox on your house!” she decried.
Cheerilee tittered her tongue, pouring the indeterminate, mildly liquid drink into a glass and sliding it over to Twilight. “Here Twilight, this’ll help with the hangover.”
Begrudgingly, Twilight wrapped a hoof around the glass. “I’ll show you who’s going to be hung over this...” With an uncharismatic swig, Twilight downed the foul drink without taking time to appreciate the taste. With her slowed response, Twilight had already swallowed before realizing that what had hit her tongue was quite possibly the worst poison known to pony kind.
The taste was not unlike that of the deepest depths of Tartarus, marinated in pools of acid. Beelzebub had officiated this swill as the one banned drink of all of existence, a fact that the Sisters and Discord had signed a blood treaty to never speak of it again. While her ancestors had no gag-reflex to speak of, it was this concoction that forced her great-and-then-some grandparents to develop one.
Twilight’s magic reached out for a nearby napkin, wishing to remove the foul taste from her memory. In her haste, Twilight fumbled the napkin on the first swipe of her tongue, the paper slipping from her magical grip and sticking to the floor below. Eyes bulging, Twilight looked at her last salvation on the ground. Slowly, she turned to stare at Cheerilee. “Why? Why would you do this to me?” Her eyes were watering. Not from tears, but from some terrible spice that refused to let go of the back of her throat.
“Mellow ou—” Cheerilee coughed. “I mean, calm down, Twilight,” she soothed, putting her hoof on Twilight’s back. At first, the student seemed to resist the touch. Yet, as Cheerilee started to rub the back of her neck, Twilight found herself unable to refuse the gesture. “It’s a recipe I learned from my moth— it’s an old family recipe for hangovers.”
Twilight’s mind whirred back to reality, no longer slogged down by the alcohol-induced torture she had endured. “That’s a hangover?” she breathed. “Why would anypony want to drink ever if that’s what happens in the morning?”
“So says the shameless mare.”
Twilight suddenly ducked her head down so her mane would fall over her face. “M-my books said that copious amounts of alcohol would lead to not knowing what happened the previous night.”
“You remember everything?”
Twilight tried unsuccessfully to hide deeper into her mane. “In detail. At least until we got here. Then it’s all a blur—” It hadn’t really occurred to Twilight Sparkle until just now that she was currently sitting in her kitchen with Cheerilee. In the morning. After waking up from a date. Snapping her head up, she nearly took out Cheerilee. “Ohmygosh, we didn’t—!”
Cheerilee furrowed her eyebrows, a slow dawning revealing over her face. However, once she grasped the question, her reaction was swift. “What? No! Twilight, please, I deserve a little more credit than that!” she said. “We got in pretty early, and Spike helped me up to your room.”
Twilight mentally logged away that she hadn’t seen her little dragon assistant around anywhere this morning as something she’d have to check up on later. “So you took the extra bed, instead of going home,” Twilight concluded, her eyes narrowing. “Why?”
Cheerilee chuckled, pouring a cup of coffee. “Because Spike doesn’t know how to deal with a drunken unicorn. The poor dear, he started looking up books in the library on it.” Returning to the table, Cheerilee took a sip of her black coffee and mused. “Come to think of it, I haven’t seen him all morning.”
Twilight’s cheeks flared red as she averted her eyes from Cheerilee. She watched the doorway a moment, trying to guess where Spike had gone. More importantly though, she was trying to figure out the best way to avoid him. “Oh brother, I don’t know how I’m going to face him.”
Cheerilee leaned on her hoof, wearing an expectant smile. “I don’t think he’s the one you have to worry about.”
Twilight stared out the window at the ponies going about their daily tasks. It didn’t take long for her to recognize two stallions, a peach unicorn, and his midnight blue friend, walking down the street together. The same two from the restaurant, her increasingly sober mind reminded her. And they had ducked out before she got absolutely plastered. “I am never leaving my library again.”
Cheerilee chuckled. “But then how will you ever visit your friends?” She knew Twilight was capable of sticking to any idea until its inevitable fruition if yesterday was any indication. “And I guess that means we’re done for dates, as well?”
Twilight’s eyes nearly bulged out of her head. “I-I-I-I-No!” she nearly screamed. Cheerilee’s eyebrows shot up in surprise. “I’ll leave the library! I’ll do it right now! See?” With a spark of her horn, Twilight focused on the outside of the treehouse. Within seconds, she had disappeared in a flash of fuchsia magic and reappeared right outside her own window.
“See! Outside! Now we can date again!” came her muffled voice. With a winking smile, Cheerilee returned to her cup of coffee, Twilight scrambling to explain to random passersby why she had just shouted her location after seemingly teleporting from nowhere.
Cheerilee hated humid days. She didn’t hate a lot of things, in fact, she made sure her students were as far away from subjects such as ‘hate’. There was no room for it in her classroom. She was careful when it came to things like hate. But humidity deserved it. It made paper sticky, it made hooves sticky, it made that awful scllllleck sound when you left the frog of your hoof on the table too long and it would peel off the surface. Hate was well-deserved for humidity, but again, she kept it out of her classroom.
Her classroom had some wonderful enchantments on it that kept it from being too hot or too cold. Or too Celestia-dammed humid. Like today was. The stickiness of the hanging water in the air stuck to her coat and made every step, every movement, feel like she was slogging through the worst excuse of a swimming hole this side of Canterlot. Cheerilee hated humid days.
It stood to reason that, upon leaving the similarly enchanted tree house her marefriend lived in and into the humid soup of the outside, on days like today she would do equally unpleasant tasks as the worst weather imaginable. No use mucking up a good day doing something you never wanted to do. Cheerilee picked up the speed of her trot as she waved greetings to whichever pony got close enough to her. She didn't stick around long enough for idle chit chat like talking about the weather.
Cheerilee hated talking about the weather.
Relenting, Cheerilee reiterated that point in her head. She hated talking about bad weather. The sun could be shining and not a cloud could be in the sky and she’d talk somepony’s ear off about the weather, but today she wanted nothing to do with it. She just wanted to get to the most unpleasant thing she could think of doing and get it over with.
She was going to her mother’s.
Ponyville had the odd characteristic of having a lot of houses, but very little deviation between them. Some ponies would simply plant flowers that resembled their cutie marks, or change the color of their shutters. Cheerilee knew that some time ago when Ponyville was founded, the settling ponies were quick to put up a certain type of architecture because it was easy and serviceable. However, as time went on, it made keeping track of where one was a slight bit difficult. It took entrepreneurial ponies like the Cakes or Rarity to commission the work of some architect to craft a unique looking house or business.
The point was Cheerilee was trying very hard not to feel absolutely awful for forgetting which house was exactly the one she partially grew up in.
It’s not that she was a terrible daughter, forgetting exactly where her mother lived and raised her. No, it was simply that she had a system for remembering how to get to her mothers’ from certain places in Ponyville. She had never quite ventured to this part of town from the library, so it stood to reason that she’d be a little lost. Nothing too much.
Well, that’s what she told herself, anyway. “Cheerilee!” a voice called, catching her attention. Daisy stood nearby, waving with her watering can in one hoof. “So good to see you!” she smiled. Cheerilee absolutely beamed at her former student– Daisy was on her last year of school when Cheerilee was on her first year of teaching, and what’s more, was that she also happened to be her mother’s next-door neighbor.
“Daisy! How good to see you. How are the flowers this year?” Cheerilee greeted. Daisy was, for all intents and purposes, the most standard kind of pony you could find. Kind, reliable to a point, easy to make small talk with. Completely and utterly non-threatening in any way, whatsoever. She wasn’t even all that perceptive, either, seeing as she never seemed to question the conga line of mares that often left the house next door, often looking like they survived a night wrestling with a grizzly bear.
“Oh, they’ve been fantastic! One of the best years for my daisies. Rose has been talking up her flowers all month, but I think I’ll be showing her who’s who in this year’s Flower Show!” Daisy giggled, which Cheerilee returned in kind. “So what are you doing out here today?”
Cheerilee waved her hoof, dismissing the question with a smile. “Oh, nothing much, just on my way to visit my mother is all. Nothing special.”
Daisy gave her a long stare. “But Cheerilee, isn’t your mom’s place... that way?” Pointing her hoof, Daisy gestured over to the house Cheerilee had just passed. “I thought you were leaving.”
Cheerilee stared at the home in question. Familiar shutters, hedges, and– the door was painted pink with white trim. That’s how she remembered which one was hers. “Oh! Um, yes. That’s correct. I just... came over to see how you were doing, Daisy!” she lied, her smile rigid. “But I just realized what I needed to talk about with my mother was important so I have to go. See you later!” Before Daisy could even so much as say farewell, Cheerilee nearly galloped the final paces toward her door and opened it without a second thought.
As it turned out, coffee was spilled over the table. Well, not so much coffee as a pony. Her blonde mane was just south of everywhere and did a fantastic job of covering her face. However, that didn’t stop Cheerilee from recognizing the prone form as that of the waitress from last night, her uniform discarded on the floor near Cheerilee’s hooves, the nametag reading, Hot Coffee. “Ah,” she mused, disdainfully kicking the uniform aside and trotting past the unconscious mare. “It’s not like Mother to leave her toys out.”
Ignoring a rather loud snore from the pony behind her, Cheerilee entered the kitchen. Sat at the table was her mother, no worse for wear as last night. She was in a bathrobe, pale blue and completely untied. Her mane was tied in two small double buns on either side of her head, skillfully wrapped in such a way that would confuse most anypony without magic. “Mother.” Her mother smiled, her eyes sparkling as she saw her daughter. As she put her mug of coffee down, Cheerilee couldn’t help but quip, “Haven’t you had enough Coffee this morning?” It may have been her powers as a teacher, but it was clear that the 'c' in coffee was capitalized when she said it out loud.
She laughed, of course, shrugging her shoulders as she slid off the table. She approached her daughter and wrapped her in a hug, which Cheerilee readily returned on instinct. “Cherry, what a surprise to see you! Sorry about the living room, we didn’t quite make it as far as I thought we would.”
“It’s nothing I haven’t seen before mother. This is actually fairly... tame, considering,” Cheerilee said, looking towards the door every few moments in wait to see the mare from last night. “Much better than when I caught you with my teacher...”
“I keep telling you, Cherry, it had no effect on your grades whatsoever,” her mother defended, putting a hoof gently on her chest. “And really, that mare still has the spunk of a thirty-year-old.” Putting her hoof on the table, she leaned her head against the frog of her hoof. “You’d think the politics would make her tired.”
Cheerilee poured herself a cup of coffee, her mother’s words flowing in one ear and out the other. She would continually forget to censor herself for her daughters, and in the end, Cheerilee had adapted to it, rather than her mother learning that some things were not meant for other ponies’ ears. “Mmhm,” she murmured, simply agreeing to move the conversation along. Twilight had good coffee at her home, but it wasn’t anything like the stuff her mother would keep around. It was one of the few joys she could expect from visiting. Sitting down at the table, Cheerilee simply stared and nodded every so often as her mother recounted the latest news around Ponyville, never forgetting to explain in detail just which mares she bedded along the way. Somewhere between talking about old times with Mrs. Cake and reveling in the time she was approached by Merry Way, a barely legal mare, Cheerilee considered that Hot Coffee’s mother might have gotten her daughter’s name by way of euphemism while visiting this house. By the time her mother was winding down, Cheerilee had convinced herself this was the case.
“But enough about me, Cherry. How are you doing? And how is that wonderful little purple mare? Mm, she was cute!” she sighed contentedly, a small smile on her face. “And a unicorn. Mm, you do have your mother’s taste.”
Cheerilee’s eye twitched, but she quickly breathed in deeply, regaining her composure. “Her name is Twilight, mother. You know that. We were both there. Last night.”
Her mother nodded, her smile growing as she let her eyes close. “Yes, I suppose we were.”
“That’s actually what I wanted to talk about with you today. Don’t get me wrong Mother, I don’t dislike you, but it was very... let’s say surprising to see you there.”
“Oh, Cherry, I thought I told you I was feeling a mite bit peckish, and wanted to treat myself a little bit!” her mother said, taking a short sip from her coffee. “I really didn’t mean to take that waitress home, but she was so willing, dear. She really reminds me of some mare I used to know around here. Coffee Bean, I think it was?”
Cheerilee huffed, blowing air out one side of her mouth. She had just gotten over listening to her mother’s stories, she was not about to stomach another. “Yes, maybe, I don’t know Mother. Back to the restaurant. I find it hard to believe my own mother would come to the same restaurant as I would, sit behind me, and not offer one small smidgen of warning that she was there all night!”
Her conversation partner looked taken aback, placing a hoof over her heart as she leaned back from the table. “Why Cheerilee, are you assuming that I was... spying on you?”
Cheerilee’s eyes fell into half-moons as her voice went just as flat. “I think we can drop pretense Mother. That's exactly what you were doing.”
At first, her mother looked flabbergasted. Then offended, but finally, she melted it all into one big smile and took her mug into both hooves. “Mm, yes I was,” she admitted plainly, her shoulders relaxing as she breathed in the aroma from her coffee. “I was on my way to visit you at the schoolhouse after hours to speak to you about that– ahem, Twilight Sparkle. See? I remember her full name.”
“I’ll have to remember to put a gold star on your next report card,” Cheerilee deadpanned.
“Wouldn’t that be wonderful? I’d put it on the fridge. Fact is, I saw you and her just as you were leaving, and I was just too curious to let bygones be bygones. So I snuck behind you a little and listened in. She’s a very interesting mare. Very smart. I can see why you like her. Although... a bit inexperienced for your tastes, isn’t she?”
Cheerilee’s expression darkened. “And what’s that supposed to mean, mother?”
Rolling her eyes around, her mother seemed to be drawing information out of the cosmos. “Oh, I dunno honey. There was that lovely, leggy unicorn from Canterlot you sent me a photo of when you were away at college. She had the look of a heartbreaker, I cannot imagine how you let her get away and not the other way around—”
“Fleur and I were very different ponies who wanted very different things. I wanted to teach, Fleur wanted to have her legs wrapped around anypony she took the slightest fancy to, including my own moth—”
“And when you were young, you had such a crush on the Starswirl the Bearded fellow. Straight out of the history books, you said he looked so dashing. Oh, the look on your face when I told you he had so many partners that there was a statistical chance of 1% that you were his descendant. I swear you swore off all stallions forever at that point.”
“No, mother, that didn’t come until later when I dated that pony who became a doctor...”
Her mother smiled, “Yes, that nice unicorn doctor.”
“I’m leaving.” Cheerilee slid her empty mug away from her, getting on all four hooves as she made for the door.
“Cherry, wait—"
“Mornin’” came a groggy voice from the doorway. Rubbing her eyes with her hoof, Hot Coffee took a moment to realize the young mare in front of her wasn’t the pony she stayed the night with. “Oh! Um—”
“Hello,” Cheerilee greeted flatly, “Don’t mind me, I’m just leaving. Mother, I’ll see you later. Much later, Celestia willing.”
“Oh, Cherry, I’m sorry I embarrassed you...!” Her mother called behind her, but Cheerilee had already put her departure into motion. Stepping over Coffee’s uniform, she headed out the door. Stopping at the kitchen door herself, Cheerilee’s mother sighed dejectedly. “Oh ponyfeathers.”
Hot Coffee rubbed the sleep from her eyes as she looked toward the coffeemaker. “Z’at your daughter?” she murmured, stepping awkwardly around the elder pony. “I need coffee...”
“Yes, that was my daughter. I’m afraid she takes a little too much after me, sometimes,” she sighed, watching Cheerilee disappear past the windows. She tried to see her for as long as she could, but eventually, she dragged herself back to the kitchen to be with her guest.
“Canterlot Cutlery? Celestia, that’s swank.” Hot Coffee busied herself with the coffeemaker, but she looked over to the mother. “So, I think she’s older than me.”
To say that Cheerilee’s mother was not amused by that would be an understatement.
The white stone of Canterlot glimmered in the afternoon sun, each smooth surface sparkling with just the slightest bit of magic as touring ponies marveled at the glowing city. Every color had been chosen with the utmost respect for the sun, and there was nowhere you could look where your eyes weren’t treated to some spectacular sight. The royal purple seemed to adorn most spires throughout the city, and for most ponies, the spires themselves were unique to just this regal city.
So it stood to reason that for a stallion such as Fancy Pants, a pony who had been born and raised here in the luxury of Canterlot, would often go months without appreciating the very unique and high-class sights his hometown would have to offer. However, today was not one such day, and the stallion was out and about, an amused smile on his face while his very leggy marefriend kept stride with him.
“I say, Fleur-di-Lis, would you just look at the craftsponyship on that tower there, just past the castle gates?” Fancy would start, and it would lead on to a very detailed history of such a location and it’s importance to Canterlot’s history. Fleur would nod her head and mimic noises of approval for the lesson, but Fancy Pants could tell she was not as interested in his tour. She posed when visiting ponies would come by, and it seemed like she wanted to become part of the tour more than listen to him give it. “And that’s the Library in which I met the mare who would defend me...I am not boring you, am I?”
“No!” Fleur decried, taking a moment to stop using Fancy Pants’ leg like a pole for her to dance on. “You know how I love when you talk...” she trailed, her face constrained. Had Fancy Pants been a lesser pony, he would have likened Fleur’s thinking face to that of a defecating monkey. However, he was a better pony than that. But yet, he was not good enough to stop himself from thinking of it, which caused him great merriment. “What’s so funny?”
Fancy Pants waived off the question with a quick turn of his head.“Nothing, dear! Just an old joke from my fraternity days at Canterlot University. A good joke is a fantastic way to open relations with other ponies. I dare say it’s exactly the reason I am so successful, in both the fashion world and the world of high-class cooking!” The way Fancy Pants could sell himself, even to those who had to hear it multiple times, was unmatched in all of Canterlot. “If you can make them laugh, Fleur, you can go far.”
“Cooking?” Fleur echoed, her face again twisting into a horrifying visage. “I didn’t know you cooked, Fancy.”
He smiled, giving his marefriend a sidelong glance. “On the contrary, I learned when I was in college from a very special mare. The way you cook and prepare a meal is much like the way a seamstress or dressmaker sews and accentuates an ensemble.” As the two strode past the castle gates, Fancy Pants gave a steady nod toward one of the guards, who allowed the pair to pass uncontested. “It’s all about the details, Fleur. It’s good practice to learn how to create something simple; Something utterly base in nature. Function over form. Truly, the best dresses, and the best meals, I’ve ever seen made it a point to never lose sight of the base nature of things. It’s all well and good to add frills, but if it interrupts with function, well, then it’s no good.”
Fleur stayed quiet as Fancy Pants related his work in both the fashion and, more surprisingly, the cooking industry. They had been together for a long while, but now that she considered it, her face straining from the thought, Fancy Pants did always seem to have only the best utensils in his kitchen alongside the best outfits to wear out and about.
“Sir, is your companion... alright?”
Fleur looked up, releasing the tension in her face as she lost track of her thoughts. Fancy Pants merely chuckled good-naturedly. “Yes yes, she’s quite alright, aren’t you dear?”
“Y-yes...”
“Just a little tick of hers, I’m afraid. I assure you it only means good things,” Fancy declared.
Fleur looked between the two a moment, her eyes glazed over. “Fancy, what are you talking about? And why are we here anyway? I... fail to see what this little excursion has to do with anything.”
“Fancy Pants, how good of you to make it,” a serene, motherly voice called out. Fleur quickly looked towards the source of the voice, her eyes bulging as she saw the Princess striding towards them. Fancy Pants had already begun his bow, forcing Fleur to hastily follow with her own, nearly stumbling over her hooves. “I trust the guards made no effort to hinder you?”
“None at all, your majesty. In fact, I dare say they’ve been nothing but thoughtful and courteous. This young stallion was just asking whether my accomplice here was feeling alright, to which I assure you that she is.” After depositing his current situation, Fancy Pants cleared his throat quickly. “Now, I am to believe you sent for me for more than just idle chitchat.”
Princess Celestia gave her visitors a welcoming smile, beckoning the two to walk with her as she strode down an adjacent hallway. The castle’s red carpet only stretched so far to the sides, and Fleur was forced to keep pace behind Fancy Pants and the Princess, as she found the gleaming stone tiles to be much too cold on the frog of her hoof. Also she was following Princess Celestia. That somehow seemed important.
“That’s true, and let me assure you there is a point to all this,” Celestia informed to nopony in particular. “Very recently, a very... sordid collection of personal thoughts and poetry deposited itself onto me through the use of dragon mail. While such accidents have been known to happen, let it be known that I am not a humorless leader.”
“As I am keenly aware of, your majesty. I do thank you for, how to say, advising me to attend a charity ball in Hoofington on the night of the Grand Galloping Gala some years ago. I have heard that most of the nobility who attended have been met with rather unfavorable press since.” Fancy Pants’ wink was suave enough to not be noticed by any of the guardsponies who were defending every corridor. “I should imagine this incident could be met with a similar fate?”
“Not that I should hope so, Fancy Pants. You see, this incident happened during a very important meeting of nations a week back.”
“Good heavens!”
“It has been the extent of my power to keep the ambassadors here in the castle this long. They grow restless and worse, they wish for retribution.” Celestia’s voice carried an air of bitterness to it. “I fear that my long life has deadened my capacity to understand the shallow depths of which the nobility would sink to demand such a thing.”
“You mean to say they are, if you excuse the brutality of the phrase, out for blood?”
“Yes.”
“Over having to read what I can only gather as amateurishly written smut.”
Celestia sighed. “I believe my faithful student described it as ‘incredibly private attempts at relieving stress through the use of penning erotica for personal use’.”
Fancy Pants suppressed a chuckle as he started to grasp the situation. “Certainly a mouthful, Princess. I can see why your guests would be affronted, should your star pupil be the pony who dropped the, ah, erotica, on your proverbial doorstep.”
“Hmph, it’s not like they were forced to read it!” Fleur said from behind, hardly having time to scrunch her face up before Celestia and Fancy Pants turned to stare at her. “I-I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to speak—”
“No...” Celestia cooed, her lips creasing into a thin smile. “Your honesty is refreshing. The mail sent to me was a very private matter between myself and my correspondents.”
“Right?” Fleur said, her voice suddenly emboldened. “If I was to be sending smut through the mail, I’d hope that it would be meant for me and my partner only.”
Fancy Pants hm’d aloud as Celestia turned her head. “Well, I don’t make it a habit of doing so, Fleur-De-Lis. I should hope you don’t either if you’re with Fancy Pants.”
“I-I-Of course not!” Fleur’s voice cracked. “Never in a thousand years would I stoop so... so...” Princess Celestia was grinning at her. Fancy Pants was holding back what appeared to be a guffaw. “I...”
Princess Celestia put a hoof on Fleur’s shoulder– no easy task, considering how svelte the unicorn was. “It isn’t my concern what ponies do with their partners in private, Fleur.” However, she couldn’t help but suppress a sigh. “No matter what some nobleponies seem to say otherwise.”
“Yes, I seem to recall a certain nephew of a certain monarch speaking out against same-gendered relations,” Fancy Pants mused idly. “Tell me, your highness, what’s old Blueblood doing now?”
“Following the investigations which produced no less than ten years subscription to Unshorn Fetlocks magazine,” Celestia said, her eyes starting to roll, but her etiquette stopped them from doing much more than checking the ceiling for cobwebs, “he was found in the men’s barracks in between two of my most trusted guards.”
“Ah, a veritable worst-case scenario for the old chap,” Fancy concluded. Fleur couldn’t stop her jaw from hanging loose, trying to fathom what she had heard come out of the Princess’ mouth. “Still, I fail to see what this all has to do with me, and by extension, my lovely marefriend here.”
Celestia smiled, her face gaining a knowing look. “My sister and I have been discussing the extent of what this diplomatic faux pas would do to our borders, and we’ve come to the conclusion that these are shattered egos with a lot of political sway. It’s a dangerous combination.”
Fancy Pants kept a steady gaze, still uncomprehending of his Princess’ decree. “I gather you need me for something personal?”
“I’ve been around for a very long time, Fancy Pants. And I need you and your limited perception of life to parse this situation for me. Now, I’ve chosen you for a job not only because of your connection to Twilight Sparkle and her friends as well as the Canterlot nobility, but because I trust you.” Fancy Pants couldn’t help but twiddle his mustache as his chest swelled with pride.
“What would you have your subject do, my Princess?”
-----
Fancy Pants strode through the halls of Canterlot Castle, having departed from the Princess. His job was, for all intents and purposes, simple. He would speak with the diplomats– a paltry task given his fame and good fortune. Being a self-made stallion as himself would demand respect from anypony, even an ambassador. As he approached the large doors near the exit, he found Fleur waiting for him, having not been privy to the personal request of the Princess.
“Why does the Princess trust you, Fancy?” Fleur asked, having been silent since they left Celestia. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen her like that. She’s so noble and reserved. But it seemed like you two were chatting like old friends!”
Fancy chuckled, more to himself than at Fleur. “Because we are, dearest.” Fancy sighed through his nose, his eyes glossing over in memory. “She noticed my passions early, following a rather humiliating and public chapter of my life, and she put me in touch with the fashion elite! I suppose I must have been a rambunctious youth, as I certainly won over that crowd rather quickly!” he laughed. Shaking his head, Fancy took a left down the great marble staircase leading towards the ambassador’s quarters.
“Apparently everything I had to say about fashion was taken to heart, and I quickly changed the face of Canterlot fashion! For years I thought it was Celestia’s meddling, and I let her know, but she insisted she had nothing to do with it.”
Fleur cocked her head to one side. “Did she?”
“I’ll never rightly know, but I believe her now. The old elite has gone, and I am the face of the new elite. And wouldn’t you believe it, Celestia may have clued me into that young mare, Rarity’s, passion for the same, but she hasn’t said a word more for it!” Fancy chuckled. “No, our dear Princess may be more of a Chessmaster than any one pony may realize, but talent, hard work, and endless honesty go places, Fleur.”
There was a small silence from his companion as Fleur debated the story. She could argue that it was Celestia who had put all the players in their places, but she had seen Rarity’s work– beyond that of the simple dress she had seen at the Garden Party. “And why she trusts you?”
He smiled. “As the saying goes, my dear, ‘What happens in Las Pegasus, stays in Las Pegasus.”
-----
“So that’s your report?” Celestia asked, her eyebrows raised. Fancy Pants, looking mildly flustered, nodded slowly as Fleur snacked on a nearby sandwich dish.
“It is as I’ve said it, Princess,” Fancy repeated. It took every ounce of his strength not to rub his hooves against his forehead as he reported his findings to the Princess. “What your student has done to these ambassadors is nothing short of, how you might say, ‘A Girl Next Door’ type of situation.”
“You mean to say the proletariat are horndogs?” Luna asked, causing Fleur to spit out the chewed remains of a dandelion tart. Covering her mouth with her hooves in horror, Fleur went ignored by the rest of the ponies in the room as Luna continued. “Well, I suppose times have not changed much then.”
“I’m afraid so. By all accounts, even the griffin ambassador has, in many more words, become hot under the collar,” Fancy Pants sighed, the subject matter starting to take a toll on his demeanor. “Your student’s wiles have upset them in the most... base manner imaginable.”
Luna nodded, taking the information in stride. “Well, at least this is an easy fix. Have the ambassadors visit our royal harem, Sister,” she yawned, her eyes trailing the sun at high noon, “We should be past this juncture by morning.” Fleur spit out a piece of food she didn’t even recall eating. “If the food doth not meet your standards, Fleur, I can’t imagine why you insist upon feasting on it.”
Fancy smiled at Luna. “Still working on updating your vocabulary, Princess?”
“Yes, the court speech therapist has said I have been making great strides in Our– my sessions,” Luna announced proudly. “Although I am to admit I don’t meet with one hundred percent success.”
Stuck on the previous topic, Fleur-De-Lis stared pleadingly at Princess Celestia. “Y-y-y-You didn’t a-actually have a harem, did you?”
“Little sister, we have not had a royal harem in centuries, nor have had use for one for a much longer time. Many small governments within our nation have outlawed them,” Celestia informed without missing a beat. Fleur offered a weak smile as thanks, giving a daisy sandwich, cut into a perfect little triangle, a sidelong, untrusting glance. In the end, she daintily picked it up in her magic, taking only a nibble as she waited for one of her princess’ to say something that would destroy her world. Instead, the three other ponies in the room seemed to be in thought, mulling over how to fix this international crisis. Satisfied, she took a large bite. “Although I wouldn’t mind restarting one.” And out came the sandwich.
-----
Much later, Fancy Pants stood at the front gates of Canterlot Castle, having already sent Fleur-De-Lis home on what she claimed was an upset stomach. As he stared at the majestic architecture, a familiar presence caused him to speak. “If it was anypony else, I’d ask if they were crazy.”
“And they would be.”
He lowered his head and smiled. “Yes, I do say they would be. I don’t know what the devil you’re thinking, but I’m sure it all fits somewhere.”
“You’d be surprised at how much I get lucky, Fancy.”
“I should suppose I’m lucky that I have reason to go to Ponyville this time of year. Rarity should provide a decent enough cover for my visit.” He looked behind, seeing the tall, majestic figure of Celestia. The stood in silence, watching the sunset on the horizon. Above them, Luna strode out onto a balcony to watch over the twilight. “I have plenty of questions.”
“As I’m sure you do.”
“But I won’t ask them. Yes, I’ve learned long ago to not ask questions as to your motive. You really do have everypony’s best interests in mind.”
Fancy Pants glanced beside him and brought himself up to his full height. “Right, but I haven’t quite counted out that you are doing this for your own personal amusement. I still remember what we did in Las Pegasus, Your Majesty.”
She wore a mildly sour expression, one of the few times anypony would ever see such an expression on their monarch’s face. “I thought we were to never speak of it again.”
“Hard not to, I’m sure you understand. Now then, off to Ponyville with me, ‘lest I keep your student waiting.” Fancy Pants started to trot off, but halted just before the crossing the threshold. “Oh, and Princess?”
“Yes, Fancy Pants?”
“Do let me know if you ever get that harem started up! I can already see new business ventures in fashion.”
Celestia chuckled in a lower tone, like a schoolfilly trying not to be found out. "I have no need, with the Red Letter in eyesight of my chambers."
Another day, another class done. Cheerilee sighed through her nose, her eyes tracking the last bobbing tail of one her summer school students as they chased their friends across the schoolyard. While she loved being a teacher and would chew anypony out for suggesting otherwise, today had been quite a trying day for the teacher. While her relationship with Twilight Sparkle was going smoothly, and not horridly fast like some parents would like to see, it was starting to show signs of strain.
They hadn’t argued. Sure they would have a spat over which pre-classical Equestrian writers were true champions of the written word and which ones were total hacks. But those weren’t important. No, Twilight had started asking questions, questions Cheerilee didn’t feel up to answering. At first, her marefriend would simply let the subject go, but now, she seemed fairly adamant. It was all alright, at least until recently.
-----
“Cheerilee?” she had asked. She had asked with that sickeningly awful voice that Cheerilee was certain the harpies of legend used. An awful, terrible screech that certainly she was not hopelessly turning to butter whenever Twilight spoke. No, she was smarter than to be ruled by such simple emotions and she certainly held firm against her wiles.
“Yes, Twilight?” Cheerilee asked, in her practiced, teacherly way. There had been no way that Cheerilee would fall to the vile temptress's demands. She would never give in. She would deflect the question, as she had before. It was a dance, and they cantered to it. But Cheerilee knew the steps.
Twilight cleared her throat, putting a gentle hoof on Cheerilee’s own. “Do you think that maybe, now, I could...?” she trailed, her nerve losing out. She had asked several times, sure, each time as sheepish as the last. Cheerilee had plenty of experience with ponies asking that question. When she was younger, she couldn’t wait to say yes. But now that she was older, wiser, she knew it was a terrible idea, and she would push it back as long as she could. “I mean, um...”
Cheerilee got ready to shake her head, her eyes catching the book that Twilight was reading. Asking the Difficult Questions to Your Significant Others that You Want to Make More Significant: For Eggheads. It was the ninth edition.
Before she could react, however, Twilight had somehow found her nerve. “Can I please meet your mother? We’ve been together months and... I only have that night at the restaurant, and I was not at my best.”
She had laid it out so simply. Cheerilee knew she had to tread carefully– Maintaining this perfect balance between her mother never meeting Twilight again and Twilight never learning just what kind of mare her mother was... it had to be kept the way it was. Looking into those horrible purple eyes that certainly did not make her knees weak as she most certainly not had lost herself in them multiple times, Cheerilee renewed her resolve. “I don’t really know, Twilight. She’s a very busy mare, even if she has retired early in life. I don’t see her much myself—”
Cheerilee hadn’t expected Twilight to puff her cheeks out. That was atypical. It was also horridly adorable, as her little purple cheeks were stretched to their limit in a barely contained huff. Twilight barely ever huffed, but she certainly never puffed. Raising a hoof to her mouth, Cheerilee failed to contain a giggle. The look Twilight gave her could have frozen Celestia herself in her tracks.
-----
And thus, Cheerilee now faced dinner with her mother and girlfriend. In her schoolhouse, Cheerilee stayed her hooves, every second spent away from the meal was another second she could keep up this charade. Looking at the clock above the door, she threw a magenta hoof over her eyes as she sighed deeply. Talking to her mother was always... taxing.
Staring at her foreleg, the creeping darkness it cast over her reminded her of her mother’s own coat and mane. She was, in essence, very much like Cheerilee’s own, a fact that could have given her much more trouble if it weren’t for the natural white highlights that differentiated herself from her mother. Cheerilee sported a lighter coat, and her mane took on a wonderful pink-and-white roll of colors, while her mother had a much deeper hue to her coat, a strikingly beautiful fuschia rose color. Her mane was solid red, not unlike Big Mac, but a bit softer on the eyes. Cheerilee’s stomach fell as she thought of that poor stallion. There was something about their... involuntary escapades, that seemed to have caused the large pony to make fewer appearances around town. Silently, she resolved to ask Apple Bloom about it, if only to make sure there wasn’t any lasting damage from the love poison. Perhaps she would get Twilight to help her. It was what good friends did.
The clock on the wall clicked into the 4:00 position. Cheerilee stared at it, completely unbelieving that she had allowed a half an hour pass without the proper amount of angst. Sighing, she pushed herself up off her desk and onto her hooves. Sadly, she couldn’t help but be a stalwart, optimistic pony, and angst never seemed to come as easy to her as it did in her youth. Closing her eyes, Cheerilee breathed in the memory of her time in college. Shortly after calling it quits with Fleur, she had entered a ‘rebellious’ phase of her life, where she had taken to music. She remembered taking a semester off of college, returning to Ponyville... starting a band. Getting some groupies, falling for one alabaster unicorn who always screamed the loudest at her shows...
Cheerilee’s eyes snapped open. It probably wasn’t best to lose herself to memories of past relationships when she had to focus on the one at hand. The one she had to now desperately try and save from her mother. She felt her whole body visibly wince at the prospect of Twilight Sparkle soberly dealing with her mother. It could only end in tears. Hopefully, the path to those tears wasn’t laid in the sexual relations between her mother and her marefriend, but Celestia help her, it had happened before.
It had happened thrice before. Cheerilee’s stomach did a cartwheel as she remembered catching Minuette with her mother. That was the second time. Shaking her head violently, Cheerilee stepped to the door. Her mother always had the same thing to say, every time Cheerilee would get in her face about it. In fact, she had said the very same thing when Cheerilee had set up this dinner date.
-----
“You have nothing to worry about, Cherry!” Her mother, the succubus made real, had said. It was met with a practiced eye roll. “Oh come now, Cherry, if she’s really right for you, she won’t even think of me like that~! Mm, but you know I wouldn’t mind it if she did. That mare– Mm, you really struck gold with this one...!”
“Mother!” Cheerilee had stated, more as a means to silence her than anything. Taking a deep breath, she allowed the ill emotions to wash away before continuing. “I’m giving you a chance because Twilight wants to know my family better. And unfortunately, that includes you.”
“Oh Cherry, you wound me,” her mother had said, a smile playing at the edges of her lips.
Not many ponies knew that Cheerilee’s true strength of character did not come from being a teacher. Her unflappable resilience and saintly patience against the worst of what the Ponyville youth would throw at her had been forged through the fire of having had to bear witness to her mother's antics over many, many years.
Waking up to find a veritable who’s who of Ponyville’s finest mares on the kitchen table also served to help ground Cheerilee when she needed to be level-headed. Children, the fillies and colts under her charge, were just more innocent forms of dealing with her mother on different levels. “I expect you to be on your best behavior. That includes wearing something for a change, and keeping it on.”
Her mother met her gaze, her face resting in her hoof, propping it up on the table. “Well, say no more, Cherry. I’ll be the mother you’ve always wanted me to be.”
“I mean it, Mother. Clothes on. That includes the first two hours after you get home. No funny business!” Cheerilee decreed, her voice level. She kept eye contact, not even daring to look away. A long silence had followed.
-----
Cheerilee opened the door and walked outside. Sighing, she recited an old schoolyard rhyme about one hoof in front of the other as she trudged on to the restaurant. She had asked Twilight where she had wanted to go to eat tonight, but she wasn’t as helpful in that regard as Cheerilee gave her credit for. Outside of a few smaller, outside eateries, Twilight Sparkle didn’t go out to eat very often, instead choosing to focus on the meals she made herself, simple as they were, or to try out Spike’s cooking from time to time. The dragon, when not making a fool of himself when out of his element, could indeed cook up a storm. Cheerilee herself had sampled some dragon-broiled vegetables, and that hint of magical flame had a very satisfying kick to the tastebuds.
Still, she wasn’t about to let her mother know where Twilight lived. That was right out of the question. Ignoring the fact that her mother likely already knew, as did the entire town, but there was an old adage about leading an animal to water, and she wasn’t about to let her mother have a chance at taking a drink.
Speaking of drinks, Twilight had very strictly claimed that there would be no alcohol tonight, so there was one large hurdle crossed. Unfortunately, due to the nature of their situation, Cheerilee had let Twilight know that the best restaurant for them to have this get together was, in fact, the same one from before. The blood had nearly drained all out of her face, but Twilight agreed, knowing that, statistically, the chances of running into any of the ponies there that witnessed her anti-sobriety were the same as if they had gone to any other restaurant in the area. It sounded good on paper, so Cheerilee was confident that she hadn’t needed to tell Twilight that it was a bunch of hooey that that was the reason they were going to return there– she just wanted to make her a little uncomfortable so she wouldn’t hit it off with her mother.
But Twilight need not know that. Looking up at the Golden Oaks Library, Cheerilee sighed inwardly. She was happy to see her marefriend, but the short walk to her mother’s home from here filled her with the type of dread that was synonymous with leaving the oven on at home. Something was going to be ruined, and you just hope everything didn’t go up in flames.
Knocking on the door to the library, Cheerilee was left to ponder the silliness of knocking on the doors of a public library. Granted, it doubled as Twilight’s home, but it was a moral gray area that she was not about to cross. Relenting, Cheerilee did admit she was a closet fan of breaking into and thriving in such situations in her youth, but she was a teacher now, and she had to set an example. Besides, she couldn’t exactly be like she was back then– try as she might, she just could not get her mane to style the way it used to back. There was no bringing the frizzy mane back. No longer would experienced hooves get caught in her frazzled locks, and in a fit of passion entangle two lovers—
Cheerilee might have been drooling by the time Spike opened the door. “Uh, hey Cheerilee?” Spike cautioned, his eyes tracking the line of saliva down to the teacher’s chin.
Hastily wiping her foreleg against her mouth, Cheerilee smiled down at the dragon. “Oops! I must have let my mind wander about tonight’s meal a little too long!” She gave a light, airy laugh that would have fooled even the Princess’ ears. I am not my mother, Cheerilee told her brain, who replied with images of her third girlfriend who she caught with her mom. Even with practiced grace, she had a hard time keeping her demeanor straight.
“Oh, man, I know what you mean. Sometimes, when Rarity takes me out gem collecting, oh man, do you even know how sapphires taste?” Spike allowed his tongue to roll out of his mouth as he let himself get shamelessly lost in memory. “When I’m eating gems with Rarity, aw man, nothing can beat that.” He patted his stomach as to emphasize his point. Cheerilee nodded slowly, accepting that she still had much to learn about dragon diets and typical mannerisms.
“Well, I see what you mean– I think,” she said, looking beyond the dragon to see if she could catch sight of her mare. “Is Twilight ready? Although I don’t mind being a bit tard–” Interestingly enough, a dragon’s claw tasted mildly of sunflower seeds. Also, Cheerilee’s eyes narrowed on the dragon as he placed a finger over his own mouth and pulled his entire hand out of hers.
“Shh! We don’t use the T-word around here,” Spike hastened, his eyes shifting quickly about the room behind him. “Twilight’s fine, she’s just finishing up one of the books Princess Celestia sent this morning. She’s got it all on the schedule, don’t worry.” Looking back toward the schoolteacher, he was rewarded with the sight of the mare attempting to remove a taste from her mouth. “Oh. Heh, sorry about that.”
Cheerilee’s face contorted into that of barely contained rage, but a quick swallow later and she was right as rain. “It’s... fine, Spike. Just fetch me a glass of water, if you’d be a gentledragon, and a promise you’ll never do that again.”
“Er, right. I’ll get on that.” Spike hustled out of the way of the door, allowing Cheerilee to enter the library finally. Shutting the door with an absent-minded kick with her back leg, she couldn’t help but take in the scent of old books and aged wood. It was much, much too early to start thinking of a future with Twilight, but... she very much wanted to spend every waking moment not at the school here at the Library, and that would be so much easier if she lived with the unicorn. Warm thoughts entered her mind, her daydreams finally allowing her visions she’d rather like to have, such as waking up to lavender eyes and burying her face in a sea of purple hair. Placing a hoof on her chin, she made sure to check for any drool. Mercifully, her jaw was unwetted by the thoughts of a potential future with Twilight. Cheerilee smiled selfishly.
“Got your water,” Spike interrupted, Cheerilee giving the dragon a disdainful look, her daydream breaking.
However, she masked it quickly with a smile, taking the glass in her hoof. “Thank you, Spike. I hate to ask, but can you tell Twilight I’m here?” With a curt nod, the little dragon trundled off up the stairs to grab his sister. Cheerilee watched him go, that damnable smile not leaving her face, which proved problematic as she ended up dribbling over herself and getting her chest wet. Sputtering, Cheerilee found her using her foreleg like a hoofkerchief once again, trying to rub out the water from her chest, but only accomplishing to get her crest hair to stick out in frayed and wild directions. Snorting with displeasure, she placed her cup down on Twilight’s desk and went at it with her other leg, sending fervent glances back at the stairs.
However, fervently rubbing her chest had the unintended side effect of making her blind to much else in her vicinity, and without watching her elbow, she felt her arm collide with the glass of water on the table. Spilling everywhere, Cheerilee could only watch in horror as the offending liquid lapped at the surface of Twilight’s desk, soaking into letters stamped with Princess Celestia’s royal seal.
“Oh no.” Cheerilee raised a hoof to do something, anything, but it was paralyzed. “Oh no no no!” Slamming her foreleg on the table, Cheerilee uselessly rubbed her coat against the wood, trying to stay the feral liquid from harming another innocent leaf of paper. But as she vigorously wiped her already damp legs over the table, the momentum was enough to dislodge one of the inkwells from the top of the desk.
She never stood a chance.
Ink splattered over the table, catching her hoof and smeared over the papers, splashing up and into her face. Only having time to defend her eyes with a quick blink, black ink greedily grabbed at her coat as it speckled her face and the scruff of her chest.
Cheerilee stood dead silent, refusing to open her eyes. As long as she didn’t open them, none of that ever happened. In fact, she was standing in the center of the room, devoid of any liquids whatsoever, and was eagerly and cleanly awaiting Twilight Sparkle. They would have an arguably trying evening, but they would come back here and release all that pent up frustrations in a wild night of—
Despite her best efforts, Cheerilee had to open her eyes just so she could give herself a deadpan gaze into the nearest mirror. This proved to be a fatal mistake as her unamused expression slowly devolved, her mouth starting to hang open, her breath coming out as a silent scream as her pupils shrunk, then dilated.
“Cheerilee! I'm sorry I took so long, I just had to–” Twilight stopped short in the middle of the staircase. Cheerilee couldn’t even think fast enough to stop herself from looking at Twilight. Like a foal caught next to the shattered remains of the family vase, she couldn’t help the tears that formed at the side of her eyes. The pony-turned-dalmatian mouthed unintelligible excuses, Twilight staring in disbelief at the spectacle. Her eyes scanned her work desk, and then her marefriend. Then back to the desk.
Descending the rest of the way down the stairs, Twilight Sparkle approached Cheerilee, her eyes unsure of what to focus on. “A-Ah–I–ah—!” Cheerilee choked out.
Twilight put her hoof gently on Cheerilee’s face. “If you really didn’t want me to meet your mother, you could have just told me, silly,” Despite the ink, Twilight leaned in to kiss her marefriend, who numbly reciprocated the gesture.
And then Cheerilee’s eyes rolled back and she cleanly passed out on the wooden floor with a satisfying thud.
“I did not! I just... I thought I was being romantic! That’s what the book said to do! I just–” Twilight Sparkle trotted over to one of the other desks, her eyes quickly reading over the titles of every chapter looking for a way to narrow the search down. “There’s nothing in here that involves fainting!”
Spike waddled over where Cheerilee had fallen. He picked up her hoof and let it fall limply to the floor. “She’s definitely out.”
“Spike! Don’t touch her while she’s unconscious!” Twilight groaned, retreating from her book to survey the damage. Sadly, Cheerilee had really made a mess of things, a fact compounded once Twilight’s hoof kicked a stray glass clear across the room on accident. Giving the offending glass a long glare, she bent down to try to nose Cheerilee awake.
Spike walked around the fallen pony, tittering his tongue as he did. “Well, how else am I going to clean around her? She’s made a mess of your desk, and I can’t exactly mop up a puddle of ink when she’s lying on it.”
Twilight snorted. “Fine, just, let me move her somewhere out of the– puddle of ink?” she paused, giving the dragon a long look. “She’s... lying in a—” Going full gallop, Twilight bowled over Spike as she got to look at where Cheerilee had fallen from his point of view.
Cheerilee’s face was drenched in black, unforgiving ink. “Oh my gosh.” Twilight breathed, her pupils dilating. “Oh my gosh oh my gosh ohmygosh ohmygosh.” She looked around wildly for inspiration for what to do as he hooves went pitter-pat against the wooden floor. “What do I do? Oooh no, what do I do!?”
Spike crawled out of a mess of brooms and mops, his expression sour. Walking calmly past Twilight, he picked up Cheerilee’s head for a moment to inspect just how far along the ink puddle had spilled over half of her face. “Well, that’s not good.” Letting her head fall unceremoniously back into the puddle, specks of ink burst out from under the pony’s head as it made contact with the ground, causing the ooze to drizzle out in a sunburst around Cheerilee. Some of it grabbed on to the Dragon’s scales, which Spike gave no mind to. Twilight’s forehooves did not fare much better. “Whoops.”
“Spike!” Twilight shouted. Spike looked guilty, even if the corners of his mouth were turned up in a smile. “You’re not helping! Get a... something, anything to pick this up or wash this out!” she groaned, slapping a hoof to her head.
It took her a moment to register that.
“Did I just...” Twilight slowly removed her hoof from her face, staring down at the upside U-shaped black imprint of her hoof. Slowly, she looked over to Spike. Tears formed at the edges of his eyes. His smile was growing impossibly. His stomach gurgled as the laughter started to pour out of him, roaring like a waterfall as the guffaws spilled from his gut. Spike tumbled over, rolling over a decidedly cleaner portion of the floor as he tried to keep stealing glances over the hoof-shaped ink print on Twilight’s face.
And then there was a knock at the door.
“Oh, not now,” Twilight seethed, stomping over to the door. “The Library is closed. Come back tomorrow!” she said with a sweetness like battery acid.
“Pardon me,” a refined voice called from the other side, “But I was told this was the residence of where I could find one Miss Twilight Sparkle?” The voice was familiar, but the Princess’ personal pupil had no time for someone who wasn’t in her direct circle of friends right now.
“I’m not home,” Twilight snorted, silently congratulating herself on her tactic. It was bulletproof.
There was a small silence on the other end. Long enough for Twilight to declare victory over the unknown pony, but as she turned to deal with the task at hand, there was a polite cough and a clearing of one’s throat coming from outside. “Yes, well, seeing as somepony who is clearly not Twilight Sparkle is clearly telling me that she is not home in any capacity, I would like to pass on that I am here on business from Canterlot, under the Princess’ orders—”
The door opened wide quickly, revealing a rather large white unicorn stallion, expertly dressed for the evening. “The Princess?!”
Fancy Pants quickly took stock of the mare in front of him. Yes, this was definitely the same one from the Garden Party a year or so back. “Ah, so you’re the one who was in the charmingly rustic dress. I had a feeling we’d met before.” His eyes focused on the very obvious horseshoe print on her face. “I see you’re busy, I hadn’t taken you for an artist, Mrs. Sparkle...”
“It’s ‘Ms.’ Sparkle,” Twilight corrected on the fly, "And you wouldn't believe what I'm going through."
There was a pregnant pause before the Canterlot Elite himself curtly nodded. “Well, I’m ready to believe you, if you’d fancy a try.”
-----
“My my, that is quite a pickle.” Fancy Pants nodded, delightfully sipping from his tea. “So you’re saying you’ve been courting this lovely, sadly accident-prone schoolteacher for a while, and you’ve finally set a date with her to meet her mother while you’re sober—”
“Stone cold sober,” Twilight interrupted.
“Quite,” Fancy nodded, “and while getting ready, Cheerilee,” he paused, giving Twilight a look for confirmation that he had gotten her name right. When Twilight nodded, he smiled and continued, “happened to have spilled a large pool of ink, resulting in that speckled dalmatian look that was so popular in last Fall’s animal-inspired collection.” Taking a sip of tea, Fancy took a sort of enjoyment from the bitter taste. “And you, after reading up on, what was it again?”
“Asking the Difficult Questions to Your Significant Others that You Want to Make More Significant: For Eggheads.”
“Ah yes, they’re on their Ninth Edition, yes? You know I wrote the foreword for the Eighth,” Fancy Pants beamed, a shadow passing over his face shortly thereafter. “Sadly, I was replaced this edition for a foreword by Princess Luna. I find her take on presenting questions to be very old fashioned and upfront, but it lacks a certain finesse that is important in high-class Canterlot.”
“Yes, your section on treating mares with respect about their weight was certainly more helpful than Princess Luna’s,” Twilight praised, her eyes never leaving Fancy Pants’. Nearby, Spike was mopping up the mess next to still unconscious Cheerilee, who had been relocated to a set of chairs that had been used to create a makeshift couch.
“There is always a certain charm in being direct, Twilight. Speaking of, bravo for treating your mare there with a certain amount of romance and respect, even if it did end in inky disaster.” Fancy Pants checked the time, his eyebrows raising. “However, I must note a certain hole in your story that remains unfilled. The mother– Her mother, specifically. Isn’t she waiting at the restaurant for you?”
Twilight gasped, her face spinning towards the mirror which hung limply on the wall. “Oh no! I totally forgot! We’re completely late, and—”
Seeing a clear opportunity, Fancy Pants ahemed loudly as he rose to his feet. “Well, I believe I’ve taken enough of your personal time. I think I should return the favor,” he said simply. Twilight wheeled about, her face a mask of confusion. “Don’t worry about the old maid, I’ll be sure to let her know of your predicament– not in so many details, however.”
Twilight’s eyebrows furrowed as she brought her inkless hoof up to her chin, tapping it thoughtfully. “Do you think you could do that? Really?”
“Why yes, of course, it’s no trouble at all. I’ve got plenty of time on my visit here to Ponyville, after all,” Fancy concluded, casting a disconcerting eye over Cheerilee. “I’d be more than happy to help a fellow pony out of a rough spot. You take care of your loved ones, Miss Sparkle. I shall be the bearer of bad news.”
“Well... thank you, Fancy Pants.” Twilight stared blankly, unbelieving of the stallion’s kindness. “Oh! But you said you were here on Princess Official Business!” she said, galloping over to Fancy. “What does she need from me! It must be important!”
Fancy Pants paused, looking back at the half fuchsia, half black mare behind Twilight. “Not as important as interpersonal relationships, Miss Sparkle. That’s just good business practice. And a hard one to learn.” Nodding curtly toward the dragon with the mop bucket, Fancy Pants exited the library. “Oh, and the restaurant's name?” he called back.
“The Blue Mare! And thank you!”
“Think nothing of it!” Fancy Pants called back. Looking forward again, the stallion trotted forth with due speed. “What an odd coincidence, that’s just where I met Fleur when I was there on business. I recall their Maregaritas were really quite stellar.”
-----
Common Household Cleaning Tips: For Eggheads was discarded on the floor for the much more commonfolk version of the book, So You Poured Ink/Wine Over Someone. Twilight, having sent Spike out to purchase several cleaning solutions, was hurriedly trying to read through the list of cures before Cheerilee woke up to find half her face covered in ink. On the other side of the room, in full view of Twilight’s standing mirror, Cheerilee woke up to find that half her face was covered in ink.
The scream just about shattered the mirror.
“What happened–” Cheerilee whipped around, her eyes catching Twilight’s bulging eyes. “Twiiiiiiiiiliiiiiiiight, why is my face covered in what smells like shame?”
"It's ink," Twilight hesitantly choked out. Wincing, she couldn't stop Cheerilee from casting another look over to her two-faced reflection.
One side of Cheerilee's face was fuschia and friendly. The other one was dark as night, sticky, and smelled of copper and the crushed dreams of college students. “I think I screwed up.”
“Nooo...” Twilight trailed, trotting over to Cheerilee, appearing in the reflection behind her. “You just... it was a little silliness, that’s all. We’re all a bit silly from time to time.”
“I thought we could be a decent couple in an indecent time,” Cheerilee started, her eyes not leaving the black reflection of herself in the mirror.
Twilight paused. “What’s indecent about our time?”
“My mother,” Cheerilee expressed. “There is no morality with her.”
“I think you’re overreacting,” Twilight chuckled, catching a glare from the ink-stained side of her marefriend. “You just don’t want me to meet your mother, Leelee...”
“It’s not about what I want! It’s about what’s fair!” Cheerilee moaned, her face falling in her hooves. “You don’t know her like I do, Twilight.” A pause. “She does things. To mares.” Twilight allowed herself an unapologetic snort of a laugh as she placed her hoof on her mouth to cover it up. Cheerilee gave her a look. “Not like that.” Another pause. “Okay, well, exactly like that.”
“I know.”
“How could you?” Cheerilee said, slightly indignant.
Twilight blinked. “Well, I said I remembered what happened last time vividly, and she seemed to be getting pretty friendly with that waitress before we left...”
“During, actually,” Cheerilee answered soberly.
Twilight gave a thousand-yard stare. “That explains the crashing noise.”
“So you already know my mother is a complete—”
“Succubus, my books tell me to call her,” Twilight smiled. “Yes, I know, but she’s still your mother. If you want us to be together, Cheerilee, I have to know your family, and that includes your mother,” Twilight’s hoof reached out, placing it over Cheerilee’s. “She has to be some sort of good to raise a mare like you.”
Cheerilee smiled appreciatively, leaning her head against Twilight’s while closing her eyes. They stayed like that for a small time, before Cheerilee finally dared to speak. “When did you get to be the voice of reason in this relationship?”
Twilight giggled softly. “About the same time you stuck a maneful of wet ink against my head,” Twilight responded gently, feeling a trickle of black ink run down the side of her neck.
“When I said I wasn’t going out like this, I didn’t mean for this to happen,” Cheerilee mumbled, breathless. Twilight smiled willingly, a slight blush on her face. Cheerilee laid back as comfortably as a pony could as Twilight worked her magic. “You do know what you’re doing, right?”
“Of course I do!” Twilight defended, her lips drawn thin as she scrutinized Cheerilee’s fur from where she couldn’t see her. “I think. It’s not like I don’t do this with Spike,” she defended, her voice shaking. “Although, it is a little different.”
Cheerilee nodded. She wasn’t entirely surprised Twilight had experience doing this with Spike. They spent so much time around each other, it seemed like something that would come up. “Yes, I do imagine the scales—”
“And he moves so much! He gets so jittery that by the end of it he really makes a mess.” Twilight sighed, rolling her eyes as her hooves went to work. “It gets all over the floor and I make him clean it up.”
Cheerilee smiled. “Boys will be bo–Ouch! Careful Twilight!”
“Sorry! Sorry. I guess I really am used to working with scales. I’ll be gentler, I promise,” Twilight promised, looking over to Cheerilee’s eyes. “I guess this is my first time with another mare.” Putting a hoof up to her mouth, Cheerilee snickered. Confused, Twilight stopped what she was doing and faced Cheerilee. “What? What’s so funny?”
“Oh, nothing!” Cheerilee lied, taking no care to cover up that something was quite funny to her. “It’s just, I’m sure if somepony heard you said that, they’d think you were talking about something completely different!” Perhaps it was the years of teaching schoolchildren before, during, and after their cutie mark phase, but Cheerilee was quite apt at catching innuendo. Of course, she’d be lying if she said it was the children at all– it was her mother’s doing, plain and simple.
Twilight squirted more of a bubbly concoction unto her hooves as she worked it into Cheerilee’s mane, splashing water from the tub to help let the mixture sit in. “I’m really glad I picked up this mixture from Zecora for getting ink out of fur and manes, it’s been really useful whenever Spike bumps into the table while I’m working.”
“Mmhuh...” Cheerilee murmured from her relaxed position in the tub. She was more content with the feeling of Twilight lathering her mane and giving her an impromptu massage than the story behind the pleasant smelling shampoo. To be honest, Cheerilee thought Twilight had something completely different in mind when she suggested a bath, but she wasn’t about to argue the far more innocent results. Twilight was a different kind of mare than she was used to, and she didn’t mind it one bit. Perhaps she was finally growing up, emotionally, from that fast and furious mare she was in her youth, attending college at Canterlot U, touring the region with her glam rock band, never having to worry about her—
“So why don’t you want me to meet your mother so much?” Twilight asked. And there went the mood. Cheerilee would have groaned aloud, but Twilight’s hoof was rubbing around her ear. Under the cover of bubbles, Cheerilee’s leg started to twitch and kick. “So she sleeps around with other mares. It’s not like I didn’t see the same thing growing up in Canterlot.”
“Ssssss’not like thaaaat,” Cheerilee mumbled, her head leaning into the sensation of having her ear played with. “Mmm....” Her mother wasn’t to be trusted with her marefriends. Not ever. “Can’t let her do it.”
Twilight smiled, shaking her head softly. Cheerilee was being increasingly vague about her mother, but she had her ways of extracting information from an unwilling target. All she had to do was be a little unfair. Tickling the back of Cheerilee’s neck with her horn, Twilight knew she had an excellent representation for being able to provide the best scratchies. Where her hoof had been before, Twilight nudged her head gently against the back of Cheerilee’s ear. Instinctually, Cheerilee let out a guttural moan as her leg spasmed under the water as she leaned into Twilight’s horn. Smirking, Twilight pulled back, Cheerilee letting out an unhappy whine. “I can take care of myself, ‘Leelee,” she cooed.
With the loss of sensation from Twilight’s massage, Cheerilee tried in vain to lean back into her marefriend, mildly intoxicated from the sensation and pet name. Teasingly, Twilight’s hooves went back to scrubbing the ink out of Cheerilee’s coat instead. Grunting in frustration, Cheerilee opened her eyes to the slight sting of shampoo. “You don’t know what she can do, Twilight!”
“And I don’t plan to, either,” Twilight said, resolute. “You act as if I’m just gonna trot into bed with her first chance I get,” she said jokingly, leaning in to inspect Cheerilee’s mane for any hidden ink. However, the steady silence after her joke still hung in the air. After an entirely too long silence, Twilight turned Cheerilee’s head to face her with her hoof. “‘Leelee...? You don’t really think I’d do that? I was joking when I said your mother was a Succubus. I don’t really think she is!”
Cheerilee wouldn’t meet with Twilight’s eyes. Looking down into the water, she sighed wistfully, “She may as well be. It’s not like you’d have a choice. She does things to mares that... They can’t help themselves,” Cheerilee started.
“Of course there’s a choice. There is always a choice, ‘Leelee,” Twilight said. Shaking her head, Twilight let her hooves fall to the floor as she picked herself up. “I thought you’d be able to trust me by now.”
“I do trust you, Twilight!” Cheerilee blurted, spinning around in the tub and facing Twilight. Her leg slipped a little on the porcelain surface, causing her back end to slip out and create a hefty splash, coating the floor with water. “But I don’t trust her!”
Twilight kept her back turned. For a moment, her hoof picked up as it strode forward out the door. Then, she withheld it, lowering her head and sighing. “Then why won’t you let me meet her? For real this time.”
Cheerilee bit her lip, her legs slipping lazily into the tub. “Because she’s taken them before. My other marefriends. Past marefriends. Girlfriends. She practically turned it into an art.” Cheerilee exhaled hard and fast, her neck coming to rest on the bathtub’s edge. Rolling over, she put her head back, letting her sopping yet very clean mane hang over the edge. “Three of them. One when I started college, once when I came home with my degree. And my last one.”
Twilight raised an eyebrow, turning slowly back to the bathtub. “Wow, why?” Twilight would silently berate herself for her lack of tact later, but for now, she was too close to the knowledge she was craving to care. Trotting back toward the voice, Twilight found the bubbles that the ink removing shampoo were slowly starting to cover Cheerilee entirely. In an effort not to lose her to the oncoming wave of soapy debris, Twilight reached in and returned to massaging her marefriend, Cheerilee once again starting to kick her legs from the sensations. “That seems kinda seedy for a mom.”
The tub splashed and groaned. “I don’t know,” it said. “Maybe she likes the challenge. Nngh, right there, please.”
“You’ve never asked? I mean, she slept with your very special someponies,” Twilight began, “I’d probably ask my own mother why she felt compelled to do that.” Mental images crossed her mind of her own mother and Cheerilee in the throes of a sloppy makeout, and she reacted violently, shaking her head hard enough to cause a headache. Meanwhile, the bubbles had taken over whatever remained of her marefriend, and Twilight faced an ever-growing swarm foam that crawled up her forehooves.
From beyond the porcelain fence and rolling hills of soap, the rising bubbles called out their response. “She just–Oh sweet Celestia don’t stop– She called it ‘protecting me.’” The voice sounded defeated under all the lather, the bubbles releasing a silent cheer as they created a froth over the pony they had consumed.
“Protecting,” Twilight deadpanned, her hooves stopping. Cheerilee released an instinctual whine as her hooves stopped kicking about. The water in the tub came to rest, a shock of bubbles erupting out from where Cheerilee’s face was last seen as she sighed heavily. The foam screamed as their seemingly assured victory had been torn asunder, Cheerilee’s head breaking the surface once more.
Twilight pulled her mouth to one side, contemplating this new information. Her eyes danced over to her book, Asking the Difficult Questions to Your Significant Others that You Want to Make More Significant: For Eggheads (Ninth Edition). Smiling as her plan went off without a hitch, Twilight nodded in affirmation. Drawing her hooves out of the bath, she aimed herself toward the door once more. “I’m going to give that mare a piece of my mind.” Behind her, a scrambling of hooves a tidal wave of water came crashing down as Cheerilee rushed to get on her hooves. The froth roared with victory as it quickly invaded the bathroom floor, searching for new land to establish in the name of their god, Shahm Puuh.
“Twilight, no!” Cheerilee pleaded, her forehooves dangling over the edge of the water. Below her, the bubbles expanded its crusade against the floormats, making it very difficult for her to find a landing spot. A large number of household accidents stemmed from the bathroom. “She’s my mother!”
Twilight stopped, if only for a moment. “Well, I need to tell her that I am off limits.”
“But, but—”
Twilight turned back, not with malice but with a smile. “I’m your mare, Cheerilee, for as long as you’ll have me. She just needs to understand that.” Turning back around, Twilight made for the door, tracking wet hoofprints as she went. “Be careful about getting out! You’ve made a big mess and I’m not asking Spike to clean up after you!”
Cheerilee gulped audibly. “C-come back! Twilight!” she called. There was no response. “Your mane is still full of ink too!”
“I know a spell!”
An empty silence followed.
Cheerilee blinked. Nearby, the ninth edition of Asking the Difficult Questions to Your Significant Others that You Want to Make More Significant: For Eggheads lay open. Using the skills brought on from years of teaching, she read the title of the chapter from her position in the bathtub. Chapter 11: How to Get Your Somepony to Spill the Beans and Reveal Embarrassing Secrets. Her mouth tasted like copper as she slinked back into the tub. “They didn’t cover that in the Eighth Edition,” she murmured. She chastised the fact that her funding these days didn’t always allow her to keep up with the newest editions due to budget cuts.
Seeing that there was no way she was going to chase Twilight Sparkle through Ponyville, sopping wet and screaming, Cheerilee retreated into the warmth of the bath. As the water came up to her chin, Cheerilee’s eyebrows furrowed as she gave the inky water a hard glare. “What does she mean she has a spell!?”
About halfway through Ponyville, Twilight Sparkle had sat down next to the fountain with the intent of drying her hooves. As she sat focusing on the wind spell, a stray thought went through her head as her fetlocks puffed out and dried. She had absolutely no idea where Cheerilee’s mother lived. Straining her face, Twilight grunted as she rocked back onto her hooves. Sure, she could extrapolate where she had seen Cheerilee come from with the general fatigue she had when she came through the library’s front door. She only needed to gauge Cheerilee’s movements with the amount of sweat and she’d get a good idea for how far she walked. Sadly, she was interrupted from thinking about Cheerilee’s sweaty body by somepony else.
“Twilight!” a familiar voice called. Turning, she smiled as her friend Rarity trotted up towards her. “What a pleasant surprise to see you out and about tonight.”
“Hello Rarity,” Twilight greeted. Immediately Twilight brought up Ponyville’s landscape in her head, and realized that Rarity was walking from Carousel Boutique, rather than to. However, she didn’t get to dwell on it. Rarity’s eyes sharpened as she looked her friend up and down without hesitation. “Um, is there something wrong?”
Rarity looked into Twilight’s eyes, forgetting herself. Laughing deflectively, Rarity waved a hoof in front of her. “Oh ho ho, no, Twilight..” she trailed, meeting Twilight’s deadpan gaze. “Well, to be frank, yes,” she relented. “You look an absolute fright. You have black running down your face and your fetlocks are, for lack of a better phrase, like Big Macintosh’s after winter.” Twilight gave her hooves another cursory glance. The drying spell had left them completely frayed out in every direction, but she suddenly found herself reluctant to say that she didn’t like the look. “What did you get on you, Twilight? Have... have you been Smoozing? Dear, I shouldn’t be the one to tell you that drugs are not the way to go.”
Blinking, Twilight stared at Rarity before she realized she had completely forgotten to actually cast the spell to remove the ink Cheerilee had hugged into her. Casting her spell, water spouted out of the fountain and washed across her face, pulling the ink right off her and sending it straight at the ground. Usually, she would just place it back in one of her inkwells, but she hadn’t time to keep a floating orb of darkness around her until she happened upon one. “It’s ink,” Twilight explained. However, she had no time to speak further before she was suddenly assaulted by a brush and comb in the magically adept care of Rarity, her hooves subjected to much prodding and brushing. Twilight struggled against her friend but to no avail. “Rarity!”
“Oh just hold still Twilight, this will only take a second. A lady should not be caught out at night looking like she came out of a tumble dryer.” Rarity paused what she was doing a moment as she looked Twilight in the eye. “Dear, what are you doing at this hour, anyway?”
“I could ask the same thing! But I was looking for Cheerilee’s mother,” Twilight stated flatly, offering her hoof to Rarity to do as she pleased with instead of struggling against it.
Rarity hesitantly took Twilight’s hoof in hers, brushing it gently. “What is it that you want to do with that harlot?” she asked. “Twilight, you aren’t going to–”
“No!” Twilight rolled her eyes, “Why does everypony keep saying that? And what are you doing out so late? Shouldn’t you be doing that new order you got from Canterlot? And where did you get these combs? You don’t even have any saddlebags.”
Rarity smiled, letting Twilight’s hoof go and giving the others a quick nod of satisfaction. “I am working on the order. Or rather, I was. You see, I was working in my shop earlier when you wouldn’t believe who walked in and invited me to dinner at the Blue Mare.” Twilight was busy inspecting her hooves to answer right away. Until she had been brushed, she had no idea that her fetlocks had grown so long. They easily reached past her hooves and to the ground. The fact they had been so tangled up around her hooves disturbed her. Looking back up at Rarity, Twilight realized she was literally waiting for her to guess a pony.
“Oh, uh, Fancy Pants?” Twilight responded, watching Rarity deposit the brush and comb into the nearest open window with a dumbfounded stare.
“It was!” Rarity gushed. “How did you know?”
Twilight looked around, tapping her hoof to her mouth as she started to remember the stallion who had shown up earlier. “He stopped by earlier with a message for me, but I was busy and...” Twilight trailed, her mind suddenly latching on to what she had asked him earlier. “The Blue Mare!”
Rarity raised an eyebrow. “Sweety, I don’t think I can take you to my business date.”
“No, I mean, I asked him to tell him to meet Cheerilee’s mother at The Blue Mare!” Twilight facehoofed. “Cheerilee and I were going to meet her, but–”
Rarity stopped her short. “You and Cheerilee were going to meet with her mother? Why would...” she trailed off, her eyes bulging slightly. “Twilight! Have you been dating Cheerilee?”
Twilight nodded slowly. “For a couple months? We started at the end of Summer after we got back from my brother’s wedding.” Rarity looked away, her hoof on her mouth. Twilight suddenly tensed up, realizing her serious faux pas. “Oh no! I thought everypony knew by now! I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, I forgot I hadn’t!”
“Mm?” Rarity mumbled, her eyes refocusing on Twilight. “Oh, it’s not a problem, dear. I’m happy for you!” However, both ponies quickly looked toward the courthouse, taking a look at the new clock that adorned the top story. “Oh dear, I’m going to be late.” Twilight nodded.
“I guess we’re both going to the Blue Mare then. Hopefully, Cheerilee’s mother is still there with Fancy Pants, but I don’t see why she’d stick around.” Twilight turned to look at Rarity, who had a strange look on her face. “Sorry Rarity, but I’m gonna have to tag along.”
Rarity looked back at Twilight’s fetlocks, but she hid her disapproval as best she could. “Yes, I suppose you must. Let’s go then, you can tell me all about you and Cheerilee along the way.”
-o-0-o-
“Scarlet, you really have not changed!” Fancy Pants chuckled, taking a very small sip of wine as he laughed with the maroon earth pony. “I suppose if motherhood couldn’t, neither could age, yes? How are your daughters, by the way?” He asked. He decided not to include the fact that, while he had delivered Twilight’s news with the utmost haste, he did not impart that he had seen Scarlet’s daughter covered in ink on the floor of Twilight Sparkle’s library.
Scarlet Letter smiled, taking a much longer drink from her wine than her compatriot. “Mm, talking about a woman’s age, are we Fancy? For shame.” Winking, she joined in on his laughter. “My daughters are doing very well, as you know. That mare Cheerilee’s with, Twilight Sparkle, she’s quite the unicorn.”
“Mm, yes, She’s a very unique mare. I saw her at a garden party with Rarity– she’s a seamstress in the area. Unparalleled work, I must say.” Fancy Pants looked Scarlet in the eye, a knowing smile on his face. “You do know Rarity, don’t you Scarlet?”
She smiled, nodding. “Well of course,” Scarlet motioned over her dress, which was a lovely ensemble. It was a very calming blue, giving the mare a very hot and cold appearance. However, a red letter A adorned her flank on the dress, so she would never be without her cutie mark. “I commissioned this from her, years ago when my little Cherry was in her glam rock phase.”
“How terrible,” Fancy said, “the glam rock, of course. Not the dress. You still look stunning.”
“You flatterer, you.” Scarlet Letter waved her hoof. “Don’t think I’m not on to you, Fancy. I know a stallion like you would know the craftspony behind my dress.” Scarlet raised her head slightly, looking off into the distance. “I didn’t save your business because of my looks– Although I certainly could have.”
Fancy Pants leaned back in his chair, his face calm. “Yes, I can never quite thank you enough for what you’ve done for me, Scarlet.”
Scarlet smiled, her eyes still not trained on Fancy. “Well, you repaid me more than enough with the dresses you supplied my girls. The Red Letter really shined with your designs all over my floor,” she laughed aloud, Fancy Pants blushing at the mention. “Oh, how is my old stomping grounds these days, Fancy? I have nothing but residuals to go by, but my-my they aren’t what they used to be...” she trailed slightly as her head moved away from the conversation, Fancy Pants finally taking a glance behind him.
Rarity and Twilight Sparkle had arrived. “Fancy Pants?” Rarity greeted, trying to make sense of Scarlet Letter and Fancy Pants talking with each other. “I didn’t realize this was going to be a group meeting.”
“Neither did I, but we must be open to whatever fate has for us!” Fancy mused, his hoof outstretched towards Scarlet. “This here is Scarlet Letter. She’s the founder of The Red Letter bro—.”
“I’m quite aware of who she is!” Rarity said, her voice rising, “I just didn’t know you knew her as a business partner.”
Fancy Pants smiled disarmingly. “Never judge a book by its cover, Rarity.”
Twilight coughed under her breath, breaking the conversation. Rarity, Fancy Pants, and Scarlet Letter all turned to look at her. “Um, sorry, but,” she looked around the restaurant, “could we sit down maybe? I don’t mean to force ourselves on your conversation, but I’d like to get out of the aisle.”
“Of course, where are my manners.” Fancy Pants quickly moved to another pillow towards the wall, giving Twilight and Rarity room to sit down. “I didn’t expect to see you come, Twilight. Is Cheerilee quite alright?”
“Yes!” Twilight answered, perking up. Scarlet raised an eyebrow. “She’s in the bath right now washing off, but I thought I’d come and see if her mother was still here. And... she is!” Twilight chuckled nervously. Any words she might have rehearsed in her head quickly fled the scene as Cheerilee’s mother gave her a once over. Then a twice over. Then a thrice over. And stared much too long at her flank.
“Capital.” Fancy smiled, looking over to Scarlet. “You can imagine my surprise when Scarlet was the pony who was waiting for me.”
“Yes, Fancy here had no idea my little Cherry grew up to be such a beautiful mare,” Scarlet teased.
"I'm sorry if I kept my knowledge of your schoolmare to myself, Twilight," Fancy began, "But it's not unheard of that another mare might be named Cheerilee. Last I heard, Scarlet, that daughter was in Canterlot." Twilight didn't really think about the fact that Fancy had given the air of someone who had simply walked into a roomful of strangers. However, she didn't really have time to think as the large stallion had decided to keep talking. "And I'm sure that under all that nasty black ink is a stunning beauty."
“I would never,” Fancy retorted without missing a beat, taking Scarlet’s hoof and kissing it gently, “Not when I have such company.” Scarlet giggled like a schoolfilly, prompting Rarity and Twilight to exchange uncomfortable glances.
Twilight leaned over to her friend, her voice a low whisper. “I thought Cheerilee’s mom only liked mares.”
Rarity coughed, bringing a napkin up to her mouth. “Twilight, the first thing you should know about Fancy Pants is that the stallion knows how to sell everything. His company, his contacts, and when the situation calls for it, himself. Nothing is impossible with his charisma.” Putting the napkin down, Rarity gave the rest of the table a smile.
“Excuse me,” the waiter asked. “Can I get you anything?” Twilight looked in horror as the waiter had snuck behind them during their exchange, likely hearing every word. But really compacted her terror was that the same green unicorn from her last visit was staring at her with the most bemused smile. “Wine?”
Twilight gave Rarity a look and quickly readjusted herself on her pillow. “N-no wine for me, thanks! Do you have any cactus water?” The waiter nodded, completely unable to hide his growing smirk as he wrote down Twilight’s drink. Rarity didn’t even pause before simply asking for whatever it was Fancy had ordered to drink.
“Would you like to order now, or would you like your new guests to have some time?” the waiter asked.
“I’m fine with ordering now,” Twilight offered. “I’m surprised you haven’t eaten yet. You’ve had to be here for hours now.”
“I wasn’t expecting to meet with an old friend,” Fancy Pants smiled, before looking over to the waiter. “Your spaghetti, please,” Fancy ordered. He glanced over to Scarlet, his horn glowing and picking up a fork and placing it in front of him. “I’ve always had a weakness for simple things.”
“I’ll take the spaghetti as well,” Rarity chimed in. Twilight and Scarlet also ordered the spaghetti, the former giving both white-coated unicorns a long look. “Simplicity can often be the best designs. Form and function are very important.”
“Quite right,” Fancy Pants agreed. “No doubt a lesson learned from Twilight’s dress?”
If Rarity could have blushed from her cheeks to her tail, she would have. “Riii-hi-hiiight,” she laughed, losing eye contact with Fancy Pants as she locked eyes with Scarlet across the table. “It’s important to leave on the dress, otherwise we’d all just be leaving them on our floor.”
Scarlet flashed her own menacingly sweet smile. “Mm, yes, you are right Miss Rarity. I’m sure you’ve never had the opportunity to leave a dress on the floor.”
Rarity’s cheeks puffed out. “We both know that isn’t quite true.” Twilight raised an eyebrow, looking for some intervention from Fancy Pants. The look on the stallion’s face as he pleasantly sipped his wine spoke volumes.
“Oh yes, I seem to recall something now,” Scarlet raised a hoof to her chin innocently. Rarity’s eyes bulged. “Mmyes, it was so long ago, I had nearly forgotten. She really does like unicorns, doesn’t she?”
Rarity put her hoof on the table, standing up. “I say! I have had too much to drink, I need to use the little fillies room.” Looking over to Fancy Pants, she gave a strained smile. “Excuse me. I’ll only be a minute.” Trotting off, Twilight Sparkle watched her go, mouth agape.
“But we haven’t even got our drinks yet–” Twilight started, but Rarity had already made her escape. “What just...” she breathed.
Scarlet laughed. “Some mares are just like that, Twilight.”
Twilight blinked, matching gazes with Scarlet. “Rarity isn’t. Not usually.” As soon as the words were out of her mouth, she huffed as she put her forehooves on the table.
Fancy Pants finally put his drink down, taking some time to adjust his monocle. “It’s sadly to be expected. Rarity is not used to the nature of Canterlot noblespeak. It’s a sad sort of compliments-laced-with-insults and even less thinly veiled ones. Even my current mare-at-home has difficulty keeping her tongue from making a disgrace of her otherwise truly regal class. As such, I try not to make many appearances that are not my own events.” Levitating his monocle, he brought up a small lens cleaner, wiping the glass clean. “I should hope you refrain from flustering my dinner guest any more than you have, Scarlet.”
With a wry smile, Scarlet Letter agreed. “A little fun from the old days, Fancy. I swear I’ll be on my best behavior from now on. Not the first time I promised it for this night. Whoopsie.” With a wink, Scarlet turned back to Twilight. “Speaking of promises, I was looking quite forward to our dinner tonight, even if my daughter is conspicuously missing. Are you here for just me?”
“Yes!” Twilight sighed, finally to be on track for once in the evening. “I wanted to talk to you alone, without Cheerilee. I feel it would just complicate things if she was here right now.”
Fancy Pants really couldn’t be sure if he should be around for this situation, but seeing how the mares were looking quite intensely at each other, he deemed it far more dignified to hold his silence. Furthermore, he had inadvertently trapped himself between them, so holding his tongue was the best course of action.
“Would it, now?” Scarlet hummed, her eyes once again trailing Twilight’s body. This time, Twilight was fully aware of it, a slightly sickly feeling stemming from her chest. Unlike every other pony there, Twilight already was undressed, so it didn’t leave much for Scarlet to imagine. And that made it worse. “Tell me, Twilight, is she being good to you?”
“Cheerilee? Of course! She’s wonderful!” Twilight beamed. “We stay up late and discuss E.E. Cloppings and J.K. Chestnutmare! And don’t get me started on the ramifications of The Last Human. The idea that mythological creatures might not have the same capacity for emotions like we ponies do—” The glazed over look Scarlet Letter was giving her was enough for Twilight to stop in mid-sentence. Fancy Pants ahemed softly, coming to her rescue.
“Yes, the idea that creatures like humans aren’t capable of love or regret unless acted by an outside force is intellectually striking,” he said, winking at Scarlet. Scarlet gave the two a bemused stare, which was cut short by the appearance of the green unicorn waiter.
“I have your dinners ready, everypony,” he announced, juggling the four plates of spaghetti and drinks for the whole party in his magical grasp. Placing the food around the table evenly, he made triple sure that Twilight Sparkle was not one of the ponies getting the wine. “Will your last guest be returning?”
“Ah, yes,” Fancy Pants spoke up. “She just went to the restroom to freshen up. She’ll be back before long. You’re free to leave her plate, my good man.”
“Well then, if you need anything else: dessert, refills” a pregnant pause as he looked to Twilight, “more wine– feel free to ask.” With a smile, he returned to the shadows of the restaurant, where he met with his other servers with an obvious chuckle. Fancy Pants looked on, mildly disgruntled.
“I say, I believe that stallion was insinuating something insidious about your character, Miss Sparkle.” Fancy was overwhelmed with the interest of writing a negative comment card but thought better of it. Perhaps it was nothing.
...And perhaps he didn’t reach his status in Canterlot without being able to read basic body cues and obvious word stresses, but the Miss did not seem too flustered. “It’s fine, he’s just joking around. I’d look for a little fun too if I served other ponies all day.”
Fancy Pants nodded sagely. “Well put, my dear. Well put indeed.”
Scarlet Letter busied herself with attempting to spin a fork in a hoof, a task not easy to do when one lacked a horn. Still, between her two hooves, she had a fairly good grasp on the idea of eating spaghetti. Twilight gave her a sidelong glance, her head turning slightly. She didn’t want to get into the exact reasons why she was here in front of Fancy Pants, so small talk would have to do. “So, how do you and Fancy Pants know each other?”
Scarlet put her fork down on the side of her plate, regarding the question with some thought. “We were students at Canterlot University at the same time, dear. Good friends, all of us. What a good group we had, Fancy.”
The monocled stallion nodded. “Yes, I would be disingenuous if I said I didn’t miss the old days. The late study nights, the camaraderie. You don’t get the same feeling when you get as old as we are.”
Scarlet laughed, “Maybe you and your high society don’t, Fancy.”
“Exceptions always exist to prove the rule, and I must say you have grown to be one brilliant exception, Scarlet.”
“Oh ho, enough with the charm, Fancy!” Scarlet swooned, “Or don’t. Mm, I’ll always be happy to have you be my exception, Fancy.” Scarlet laughed with him, although Twilight was left coughing in her little corner. Scarlet put her hoof on her mouth and reached over, patting Twilight’s hoof with her own. “My apologies Sparkle, you’ll forgive me if I get a little caught up in the past.”
Twilight was finding it much more difficult to drum up the vindictive rage she had built up for Cheerilee’s mother the more she talked to her, but she kept her marefriend’s warning in mind. This was just part of her plan to get her to bed, and she wasn’t about to allow it. “It’s alright,” Twilight said carefully, trying to come off as friendly and not at all interested. “But please, call me Twilight.” A little first name familiarity, but on her terms. Everything was according to plan.
Scarlet smiled, taking her fork in hoof and beginning to spin it once more. “Oh, I would, but you remind me too much of another Twilight I used to know to call you by anything else,” she said. Twilight Sparkle pulled her mouth to one side, trying to maneuver around this. “She wasn’t a Sparkle in the sky, like you.” Suddenly, Twilight felt a twang in her chest that made her sick. Not the compliment, but the familiarity. She heard that before. “She had a —”
Twilight felt her mouth moving without her will, “Voice like Velvet.”
Scarlet stopped spinning her fork. “Yes... how did you know?”
Twilight swallowed hard. “It’s just... something my dad says to my mom...” Fancy Pants nearly dropped his monocle, deftly catching it mid-flight with his magic. Scarlet, on the other hoof, was already bending her fork with her hoof.
“Night Light,” she seethed with barely contained rage. “That rapstallion! That was my line.” Fancy Pants took a moment to rearrange his napkin so that any flying sauce that would fly through the air might have a chance of not ruining his suit. “That horny little colt used my words to steal her heart—”
Twilight raised her hooves, shaking her head violently. “Bu-but my Mother is straight, Scarlet!” Cheerilee’s words echoed in her mind, which she was doing her best to ignore.
Scarlet breathed deeply, putting a hoof to her chest. Exhaling, she pushed her hoof away as she did so. Fancy Pants nodded in approval of the motion, Twilight for her part was utterly lost. Retaking her fork in her hoof, Scarlet put the spaghetti wrapped around it up to her mouth. “Oh Twilight,” she said in a tone that made her brain break. “So is spaghetti, until it gets hot.”
A bloody, violent conflict erupted within Twilight's brain as soon as those words left the older mare's lips. To say Twilight's natural curiosity was piqued would be a supermassive understatement. On one hoof, Twilight’s dream of studying was born from her mother only talking about her academic achievements when the subject of her college days came up. On the other hoof, if her mother, Twilight Velvet, was an old acquaintance of Cheerilee's mother, then there was likely a very, very good reason that she never went into any personal details.
Of course, there was the problem that Scarlet was still talking. “Mm, but that’s neither here nor there. I suppose Cheerilee got it all from me, I’m sad to say. My looks, my charm, my absolute adoration for unicorns and their... special talents. Cherry Blossom, on the other hoof– completely different pony.” Inwardly, Twilight’s mind was screaming to vacate the premises, but a more primal instinct was to sit and watch. Fancy Pants, for his turn, seemed much more interested in his meal than actively participating in the mental deconstruction of Princess Celestia’s prized pupil. Or, he was just so practiced in allowing Scarlet her due. “I still remember her first unicorn! A groupie for her band in high school, terrible as it was. The fashion was awful, but... Oh my. That’s right, she’s in fashion now, isn’t she?” Scarlet asked, looking meaningfully at the empty seat next to Twilight.
Luckily for Twilight Sparkle, she already had the equal to the blueprints of the establishment to get to the little filly’s room– previous experience and conveniently placed signs. Trying not to expedite the scene at a full gallop, Twilight removed herself from the table with a, “Oh my I think I've had too much to drink please excuse me!”
As Scarlet and Fancy Pants sat in the sudden silence, the former couldn’t help but note, “You know, I don’t think either of them drank anything before coming here.”
Fancy adjusted his napkin, giving his old friend a suitable wink. “With you, Scarlet, any attempt at drinking fluid is a risk. And I mean that in the best possible way.”
-o-0-o-
Twilight Sparkle entered the restroom by very nearly tearing the door off its hinges. Rarity’s eyebrows raised in alarm as Twilight locked eyes with her. Stepping with purpose toward her, Twilight breathed evenly. “Cheerilee.”
Rarity coughed nervously, her gaze fleeing towards everywhere that wasn’t purple. “Oh, has she showed up? Or—”
“Cheerilee.”
Rarity smiled, her chest puffed out in one last attempt to deter her friend from going any further. Twilight took another step closer, mouthing the name of her marefriend at her. Deflating, Rarity nodded, defeated.
Fancy Pants took a justifiably long sip from his wine, placing it down carefully on the table in front of him. With a cast from his horn, his fork found itself victim of his gentle grasp, forced to spin about with reckless abandon at his whim. It was a necessary evil Fancy had to commit on the poor piece of silverware, as attempting to grasp spaghetti in his magic would have been quite barbaric. After eating another bite of his spaghetti, Fancy brought his kerchief up to his lips and cleaned them, taking a moment to enjoy the tomato and roasted garlic flavors. By the time he set his fork down once more, Twilight Sparkle had completely and utterly disappeared off the face of the table. His companion, the unflappable Miss Scarlet, was giggling to herself like a schoolfilly fresh out of sex ed. “Scarlet, pardon me if this seems a tad confrontational, but was that really necessary?”
Scarlet paused, her smile wavering if only for a moment. “Fancy, my daughter has been dating Twilight Sparkle for the entire summer, and she hadn’t taken the time to let her know that she had been intimate with one of her closest friends,” she reasoned. “ If Twilight is anything the friend I hear her to be, she’d notice the dress as soon as you did and start asking questions.” Reaching out for her napkin, Scarlet Letter returned to her meal. “So I intervened a little. I can only be penalized for... protecting my investment.”
Fancy chuckled, tapping his mouth once more with an enchanted hoofkerchief. “And Rarity?”
Scarlet nickered, putting her hooves down on the table. “Tactical placement. I needed her to be in the bathroom for Twilight. She’s likely explaining everything she can to Twilight to soften the blow for my little Cherry,” she said, her eyes watching the direction in which both mares fled. “I want this one to stick, Fancy. She’ll stay faithful, unlike those other tramps.”
-o-0-o-
“Twiii-hiiiihiii-liiight...” Rarity started, an ugly, bullheaded frog threatening to leap out of her throat. “You see, how shall I put this...” Looking back at her friend, Twilight stared with a blank intensity that could easily be likened to the sun itself bearing down at her. “Yyyes, I was with Cheerilee once. It was back when I still attended school, and Cheerilee, she was... oh my, she was just...”
Twilight said nothing, but Rarity could feel the intensity increasing. “Mmhm! Yes, well, I guess that part isn’t important.” Any longer in Twilight’s gaze and Rarity’s soft complexion was going to sunburn. “Well, what do you want to know, Twilight?”
Blinking, Twilight looked into the bathroom mirror. Ignoring Rarity, she approached her reflection and sighed. “Nothing, really.”
Twilight sat down, which gave Rarity the chills. It may be a nice restaurant, but they were still in a bathroom. Although the carpeting did feel quite luxurious against the frog of her hoof. Twilight looked past Rarity's reflection, looking for all the world that she didn't want to be here. “Cheerilee had a life before me, you all did. I can’t change what happened, nor do I want to.” Twilight sighed, looking down at her hooves.
“Then, if you don’t mind my saying, was the dramatic entrance all about? I may have a flair for the dramatic myself, but it doesn’t really suit you.” Rarity trotted next to Twilight, looking into her friend’s reflection. Twilight raised her head appreciatively, giving the Rarity in the mirror a smile.
“It’s not really you, Rarity. I’ve been dating Cheerilee for awhile now. I just feel..." Twilight's words trailed off as she felt something clutch at her throat. Rarity put her foreleg around her friend. Twilight clutched it as best she could, sighing loudly. "I just thought by now she might have told me something important like this.” Twilight put her hoof up to her chest, turning to face Rarity in full. “I understand she doesn’t have to tell me everypony she’s ever been with, but you’re one my closest friends, Rarity.”
Rarity tipped her horn next to Twilight’s in a show of affection, pulling Twilight in for a hug. “Yes, and you, mine. Even if you do forget to tell me, me of all ponies, about your love life.”
Twilight puffed out her cheeks. “I said I was sorry!”
“Do any of the other girls know?”
Twilight shrugged. “Applejack knows, we bought apples at her cart once.” However, a thought crossed her mind. “What about Sweetie Belle? I thought she might have told you?”
Rarity chuckled lightheartedly. “Twilight, I may not be able to know the time and place of when you started dating, but it’s midsummer. Sweetie’s class is out and about enjoying their break.” Twilight recalled that didn’t account for the ponies who had summer school, or the night classes Cheerilee would teach, which is why her workload hadn’t decreased, and why she still spent countless hours discussing her material for the class. Still, the question remained. Sensing her friend’s tribulation, Rarity placed her hoof gently on Twilight’s shoulder. “Dear, listen to me. Sometimes there isn’t a time where it can come out in normal conversation, and I’ve been far too wrapped up in my work to visit as much as I should.”
“And I can only imagine how awkward it would be. You, asking your naive little questions, her, trying not to turn you away with the graphic details.”
Twilight was suddenly realizing that for some reason, she was not able to stop the verbal avalanche that the ponies around her were privy to. “Well, hormones can be explained for the age you two were at—”
Another failure. “What with me, a beautiful artiste and the cusp of realizing my place in the world of fashion!” Rarity boasted, her eyes sparkling with the memories. “And her, the glam rock queen of the school, touring the county with her band!”
Twilight opened her mouth to quiet Rarity, but could only echo, “Glam rock queen? School? The whole country?” That timeline didn't sit well with Twilight, but the way Rarity's eyes were shining, she realized she was embellishing the details.
Rarity swooned, her body landing on the chaise lounge chair near the door of the bathroom that she magically pulled across the room to catch her. “The scandal of it all still lights a fire in my heart! Those wild nights in the back of her tour carriage, her songs reaching into my very soul and her hooves reaching—”
“Yes thank you Rarity I’m sure this is very important information that I shall write in my next report to Princess Celestia.”
-o-0-o-
Fancy Pants turned his head, taking great care to choose his next words. “Are these the so-called mares that you called, how shall I say...”
“The tramps I slept with?” Scarlet laughed, shaking her head. “Tell me, Fancy, if they were willing to sleep with me when they were claimed by my daughter, how long were they going to stay with her before they broke her heart?” She ran her hooves through her hair, her hooves feeling the edges of the wrinkles she was starting to lose the war against. “I never meant to, Fancy. Not at first, anyway.”
Fancy Pants nodded. Names were never uttered, but he and Scarlet still kept close enough to provide support for each other from afar. “It does seem a bit unlike you to steal them from underneath your own daughter.”
“Never literally, Fancy,” Scarlet chuckled, her voice a little hollow as she turned away. “Although I might as well have. The first time... I had no idea she belonged to my daughter. That leggy goddess of a mare. I should have recognized her from the letters Cherry would send me from college, but...”
“It’s quite alright, Scarlet. You know I have nothing to say about the lifestyle you choose,” Fancy said, giving a sideways glance to the untouched plates of food nearby. “I say, do you think we should ask for to-go containers?”
Scarlet drew herself back up to her full height, shaking her head. “No, I don’t think they’ll be much longer. They serve the dishes hot as well, not that you unicorns would ever notice.” Testing her theory, Scarlet tapped her forehoof to the edge of the glassware, feeling the ambient warmth of the plate radiate through her leg. She rather enjoyed the sensation, but after a few moments it became a touch too hot to keep in contact with it. “I do wish you would, though.”
“To-go containers?” Fancy asked.
“No, butt in on my life more.” Scarlet let herself smirk. “Maybe I wouldn’t keep making mistakes at my age.”
Fancy Pants grinned at Scarlet, placing a hoof nearby her in case she needed it. “My my, is Scarlet Letter having a midlife crisis?”
At full pout, Scarlet punched Fancy right in the shoulder, her lips pulled taut as she tried desperately not to give Fancy Pants the benefit of her smile. The stallion couldn’t keep himself from chuckling over the very real pain, happy to bring Scarlet back from the sorrows of day-to-day life. “My apologies, Scarlet!”
“I’m serious!” Scarlet said, her face completely betraying her as she smiled wide. “You were my voice of reason back in college. Look what’s happened to me once you graduated.”
Fancy leaned close to Scarlet, his hoof gliding across his mustache. “From what I recall, you became a hooves-on business pony despite never completing your law degree, defended me in court regardless of it, exploited and changed Equestrian Law by discovering ancient loopholes, became a mother of two beautiful daughter who grew up to be a schoolteacher and, what was it again that Cherry Blossom does?"
"Pro Wrestler."
"Capital. She's probably quite the talent, there. All that, whilst I played with dresses and overgrown foals dressed in daddy’s money. I say, Scarlet, you really have made a mess of things without my help.”
Scarlet leaned back, her pout returned. “When you put it like that, I start to look a little silly.”
“Believe me, dear, you need not my help.”
-o-0-o-
“Are you feeling alright, then, Twilight?” Rarity asked, bringing her friend in close for a reassuring hug. Twilight nodded, returning the gesture. Having successfully put an end to Rarity’s tirade, Twilight felt herself more ready than ever to go out and face Scarlet Letter, even though something still nagged at her.
“I’m still upset,” Twilight said, taking a seat on the lounge chair Rarity had scooted up. “But I’m okay now. It was a lot to take in.”
Rarity smiled knowingly, “Scarlet has that effect on ponies, believe me. And I wasn’t even there for it– my apologies, of course.”
Twilight looked over at her friend, her eyebrow raised. “Rarity, I noticed something about Scarlet that’s been bugging me.”
“Like her everything?” Rarity bleated in a completely unladylike fashion. Twilight’s eyes bulged, but Rarity only took it in stride. “What, we’re already in a restroom, there is where a lady can be a filly.”
“Er, well, I... guess? But Rarity... I don’t know, but that looked like one of your dresses, wasn’t it?” Twilight turned her head to one side. “It looked tailor-made, too, not one from your usual line.”
Rarity sighed through her nose, feigning disinterest. “Yes, well, she wasn’t always a deplorable, womanizing–” At this point, Twilight Sparkle mentally interjected ‘Yes, she was’ in-between everything Rarity complained about, at least until a certain drop, “Prince-ruining, horrid hag of a mare–”
“Prince-ruining?” Twilight echoed.
A very pregnant pause followed as Twilight heard shuffling at the restroom door. Rather than question it, she allowed Rarity to find her words. “Look, Twilight, I’m not saying I still harbor any feelings for.... him,” she stressed. Twilight already had a good idea about who. “But it was brought to my attention that for years, that horrible brute was taking full advantage of the women at The Red Letter.” Rarity’s forehooves weren’t sure what to do with themselves, but it was plain from where Twilight Sparkle sat that her muscles were tensing and relaxing at an alarming rate. “If it wasn’t for that mare, he could have grown up to be my Prince Charming. Instead he just... uses mares. As if they were just things to be used.” Rarity snorted.
Twilight was silent, unsure of how to handle that. She reached out and put a hoof on Rarity’s shoulder in an attempt to be reassuring, but Rarity laughed it off with a gaiety reserved for Pinkie Pie. “Really Twilight, I’m fine. Besides, last I heard he was found in a bit of a sandwich between two stallions, so maybe he never could have been mine.” Rarity exclaimed, leaping off the couch with gusto. “Come now, Twilight, I believe we have food that is growing cold.”
Twilight’s stomach agreed. Following Rarity to the door, Twilight passed by her with a silly little trot, eager to get the night over with and return back to the Library, where she hoped Cheerilee awaited her. However, she was met with resistance as the door refused to open. Push or pull, the restroom door wasn’t budging. “What is...?”
“Oh!” Rarity chimed in, casting a spell on the lock. “My apologies, but when you burst in here, I took the liberty of locking the door behind you. I didn’t want anypony intruding on us.”
Twilight thanked her silently, but as she opened the door and saw the sea of very distressed, very angry mares waiting outside the doorway, she wasn’t sure if it was worth the stampede that followed.
-o-0-o-
Fancy Pants finally found the end of his wine glass, setting it off to the side as he contemplated water as his next choice. Still, he didn’t really get vacation time like he used to, and it wasn’t very often that he found himself in the company of his old college friends. Perhaps he could live a little and order a second glass. However, he quickly found himself blinking quite hard as Twilight Sparkle and Rarity returned to their seats in a bright flash of purple light. Rarity looked no worse for wear, but Twilight seemed frazzled as if she had been the victim of one too many hooves treating her like an impromptu doormat.
Yes, he believed that perhaps a second drink would be in order for tonight. “I wasn’t aware instantaneous teleportation was a possibility with magic these days. Shows how out of touch I am with the current generation,” Fancy jested.
Scarlet, for the first time all night, was at a loss for words. Twilight took that time to rearrange her mane into something more manageable, and Rarity retook the reigns of conversation. “Fancy, I do apologize, but Twilight and I found ourselves betrothed to a little girltalk. I do hope you can forgive us for our tardiness.”
“It is quite alright. I say, it has been an absolute treat being out with you mares tonight, especially miss Scarlet here. If you hadn’t already guessed, we’re college alumni from Canterlot University. We go very far back,” Fancy explained more thoroughly. “I wasn’t aware you were Twilight’s daughter, miss Sparkle.”
“Twilight is a very common name in Canterlot,” Twilight offered, although she didn’t know if that was true in the current year. “It was the number one foal name in nine hundred and eighty-six, and number four in both following years, before falling off the charts again until nine hundred and ninety-six, where it was number seven.” Twilight paused a moment. “996, SE. Although, I heard that it was very popular last year.”
Rarity laughed, “Yes, well, it’s been quite an adjustment to refer to the year as ‘One CE’ since Luna’s return, but I hear Rarity is also on the rise. And I must say, to be one of the number one names in year one has a certain quality to it that I believe to be timeless.”
“A beautiful irony,” Fancy tipped his empty wine glass in a singular toast to Rarity, prompting her cheeks to flare a red like her wine while giggling like a school filly. Twilight decided not to let Rarity know how much she reminded her of Scarlet at the moment. Or ever.
Scarlet, by this point, had found her voice after registering that two ponies had literally just appeared out of nowhere. “My, now isn’t that a trick.” Twilight’s eyebrows raised in her direction. “I heard a rumor, but that really is something to behold in the flesh.”
“Er, thank you?” Twilight tried, averting her eyes and closing them. Taking a deep breath, she opened them, looking at Fancy Pants. “Um, if you don’t mind, could I borrow Scarlet for a little bit? I’d like to talk to her privately.”
Scarlet made as if to protest, but Fancy Pants cut her off. “Certainly. Rarity, if you’d be so kind as to accompany me to the veranda? I would like to talk about my most recent dress order.” Rarity was already on her hooves by the time Fancy Pants finished his sentence, the excitable mare leading him through the building by the hoof.
“Well, they don’t really have a veranda here, but they have an amazing view of the lake if you just follow me through these exits, Fancy. Twilight, do be a dear and make sure nopony drinks my wine! Thank you~!” Rarity called out as she disappeared with the stallion.
Twilight Sparkle locked eyes with Scarlet Letter. She stared expectantly back at her as if daring her to say the wrong thing. But Twilight Sparkle prepared for things. And now that she had Scarlet all alone, she could really give her what for. For Cheerilee’s peace of mind, she had to fulfill her plans.
“So you knew my mother?” Plans could wait. She had traded far worse things than her own sanity in the pursuit of knowledge. She wanted facts about her mother, and everypony knew that facts were science. “How... how well did you know her? She only talked about her education, never anything resembling friendship.” Even if Scarlet’s friendships often resembled numeric combinations that consisted of multiples of three.
Cheerilee’s mother smiled. “We were flatmates,” she stated flatly. “And the reason she never told you about me was that she...” she drifted, and Twilight’s heart leapt to her throat. Because they had a fight? A lov- her mind seized. No, not that. Anything but that. “...was so completely boring.”
Okay, maybe not that either. Twilight’s mouth dropped. “What.”
“Your mother. She paid so close mind to grades and doing well, she never partied or lived up her college days, and she had the most wonderful body and it went such to waste—”
“Hey. That body made me and I’d like to think that I’ve done more than what can be considered a waste!” Twilight argued, her hindlegs picking her off the floor. Scarlet raised her forehooves up in defense.
“My mistake, Sparkle.” Scarlet picked up her fork, taking a large bite of her spaghetti before she continued. “For the record, no.”
Twilight relaxed on her hooves. “No?” she asked, already knowing what Scarlet meant.
“No, I did not partake in sexual relations with that mare,” Scarlet revealed, playing with her fork in one hoof and her knife in the other. Twilight’s stomach felt queasy just looking at Scarlet playing with those utensils again. “Not for a lack of trying, though. Like I said earlier, Sparkle, your father swept her off her hooves before I ever got a real chance.”
Twilight breathed out long and slow, feeling returning to the very tips of her hooves. “That’s... better.”
“Well, for one of us,” Scarlet quipped. Catching Twilight’s sudden glare, she stood firm. “Your mother is a hot piece that anypony would be happy to have. That doesn’t change when the wedding bells ring.”
Twilight folded her ears across her head, clapping her hooves over them. “Please stop.”
Scarlet held her breath. However, she relented and blew out a sharp, “Fine! Really now, they say that some ponies tend to subconsciously seek ponies that resemble their parents, but you’re nothing like me. So unlike the rest of them.”
“I think that’s why Cheerilee likes me so much,” Twilight retorted definitively. Scarlet laughed, nodding her approval. “And by the way, hooves off. I’m Cheerilee’s girl.”
Scarlet’s expression froze for a moment before she settled down into a smile. “And so the truth comes out. Cheerilee told you about what I did to her other marefriends, did she?”
“I tortured it out of her.” Twilight made no effort to conceal her techniques at data retrieval. Scarlet’s eyebrows raised in a way Twilight recognized as a way of seduction, but that would not work on her steeled mind. “She hadn’t a choice in the world. She would tell me what I needed to know. And she did. And now we’re here.”
Scarlet’s smile never wavered. “My my, Twilight Sparkle. What is it that you’re after? You can’t have come all this way just to tell me something I already know.”
Twilight dipped her head down, her eyes hardening. “Names. Three of them. Who hurt Cheerilee. Why.”
“And what will you do with that information?”
“Nothing,” Twilight said, leaning back on her pillow. There was a harsh sincerity to her voice. Scarlet’s eyes widened in surprise. She found it difficult not to believe her. “But I need to know-”
“Absolutely not.” Scarlet said, standing up.
“W-what?”
Scarlet Letter repeated herself. “Absolutely not. I will not reveal the names of the ponies which I’ve sullied my own name with,” she said. “Twilight Sparkle, you are better than them. All of them. You don’t need to compare yourself to them. Not ever.”
Twilight opened her mouth, completely unprepared. “B-but I thought—”
“You thought wrong, Sparkle.” And the last time Twilight Sparkle was wrong she turned out very right and saved Canterlot. But the tone Scarlet used wasn’t something she was prepared for– it was orderly. Motherly. “It happens, Twilight. Accept it and move on. You have a mare who Fancy has been trying to not tell me all night what happened to her– waiting for you at home, or that’s where I assume you’ve left her. And you’re here with her mother.” Twilight felt herself stand up instinctually, with a very real urge to go to Cheerilee. “Don’t worry about the dinner, I have more than enough to pay for all of us ten times over.”
“Mmhuh,” Twilight mumbled, her brain deciding that thinking was too hard and that maybe it would take up being a mountain hermit.
-o-0-o-
The next thing Twilight knew, she was standing outside the Blue Mare, standing next to Rarity. “I uh,” Twilight began. “I’m not sure how that went.” The humid summer night air stuck to their coats as they increasingly felt less comfortable to more that stood still, so the pair started to walk numbly forward, trying to recall the last moments of their discussions.
Rarity went first. “The last thing I remember was Fancy Pants telling me about possibly opening up a branch of his storefront dedicated to just my designs, and now I’m out here.” Rarity turned to look at Twilight. “The rest was a blur. A big, happy, fulfilling blur.”
“I think I’m going to go home to Cheerilee,” Twilight responded. “I have some questions I want to ask her.”
“Do be careful with her, dear. She may have patience like tempered steel, but you hold her heart in her hooves. Don’t be too hard on her, would you?” she asked.
“Never,” Twilight answered, her eyes tracking the ground near their hooves. “Hey, Rarity?” Her friend paused her stride back home, looking back at Twilight with interest.
“Yes, Twilight?”
“You never did tell me why you made that dress for Scarlet,” she reminded. Rarity loosed a small chuckle, her eyes trained on the stars. “It’s okay if it’s something important. I don’t know if you or she ever—”
“Oh no, Twilight!” Rarity balked, although Twilight could see it was more for show than actual disgust.
“Well, you know Rarity, Scarlet has a history of sleeping with Cheerilee's marefriends," Twilight said, her voice edged with mischievous accusation.
"But me, Twilight? I would never stoop to something so uncouth." Rarity brushed aside her hair, putting a hoof on Twilight's shoulder. "You know me, Twilight, much better than any old harlot."
"I know, Rarity. I know, it’s just... well, you are the Element of Generosity... giving of yourself..." Twilight mumbled, her argument falling to pieces in a way she didn't really mind. Flashing an apologetic smile, Twilight shrugged the question away.
Rarity smiled, seeing her friend come to terms with the truth with a joke. Trotting towards home, she glanced back at Twilight, "I'm glad we were open about this Twilight." She looked forward, her grin widening.
“So the dress?”
And the grin was gone. Rarity stopped, her attempts to deviate Twilight from her story dashed. “My first commission, so very long ago,” Rarity whispered, her eyes glazing over. “I had collected the bits to open my Boutique, and I was still with... well, anyway.” Rarity’s tail swished through the air as she sniffed the night breeze, taking in the scent of the past. “She came by with her mother to congratulate me.” Rarity saw that Twilight was giving her a dopey look, so she clarified. “She loved her mother back then, Twilight. She may have been a teenager but some fillies just get along with their mothers. Just look at me, I’ve always gotten along famously with my mother.”
“Rarity, the dress?”
“Oh, right, yes. Scarlet came in with Cheerilee and she was so impressed with my starting line... that she commissioned a dress of her own. My very first personalized, tailored work for my Boutique...” Rarity sighed, her hoof pressed against her chest. “I took such care of it, calling Scarlet in when I could... and she'd be there the moment I asked. I dare say it’s one of the most perfect dresses I’ve made– of course, the same could be said of all of them.”
Twilight rolled her eyes, but she trotted up alongside Rarity and looked her in the eyes. “You do make beautiful dresses. I’m sure they’re all perfect to the ponies that wear them.”
Rarity squeed and nuzzled Twilight in an affectionate hug that probably gave a few night passersby the wrong impression. “Twilight, you are a true, true friend.”
“I’ll hold you to that,” Twilight said, giving her friend a hug goodbye. “I guess I have a lot to think about. It’s gonna be a slow walk home.”
“I’d say I don’t envy you, Twilight,” Rarity chimed in, her eyes flickering slightly, “But I think we both know that isn’t exactly true.” A faint blush crept up Rarity’s cheeks, averting her eyes. “Do treat her well, Twilight.” As she finally turned to leave, she winked. "Although I must say I am stealing that line for my own personal use. Giving of myself. Clever, Twilight.”
Twilight nodded, saluting her friend as if taking an order. Rarity trotted off into Ponyville, leaving Twilight alone. Exhaling long out her nose, she made her way back to the library. It was clear to her that Rarity wasn’t ready to come clean to her entirely about Scarlet, but there was no use in forcing the issue so quickly after squeezing what she could tonight. Deciding that perhaps she’d consult a book about secrets and lies. Chapter thirteen of Asking the Difficult Questions to Your Significant Others that You Want to Make More Significant: For Eggheads (Ninth Edition) covered ex-lovers, if Twilight recalled correctly. And when it came to books, Twilight always recalled correctly.
Coming up to the library, Twilight looked up into the windows to see if she could see anypony inside. However, it was pretty clear to her that Spike didn’t spend much time looking out them, and Cheerilee probably was trying not to be seen by passersby at the moment, being at her home so late. Twilight still had to talk to Cheerilee about certain things. Things that weren’t books, unless books were suddenly alabaster unicorns with a penchant for sewing.
Still, Twilight patted down her chest fur and gave her fetlocks a once over. Still absurdly long, and in need of being cut. Or maybe Cheerilee liked long fetlocks. Maybe she’d like to brush them. Maybe tie little bows on them and tease her a little, say she feels like Pippy Hoofstockings. She giggled at her own joke.
Twilight was so busy in her thoughts that she hadn’t quite cast the spell which operated her door, and she ran face-first into it. Collapsing in a heap in front of the door, Twilight felt the force of her teeth slam into her tongue. She yelped in pain, slamming her hoof over her mouth as she stabilized.
“H-hello?” came a hushed voice inside, unmistakably belonging to Cheerilee. “I’m so sorry, but the library is closed. Come back tomorrow~!”
Picking herself up, Twilight nudged open the door by turning the latch and entering the hose, her eyes focused on the very clean, somewhat damp pony in front of her. In her mouth were a brush and comb, making Twilight’s heart skip a beat as she cast a quick glance down to her hooves, before hastily looking straight back up. Now wasn’t the time.
“Twilight,” Cheerilee breathed, relief cracking all over her face. “You came home, without her.”
Twilight drew herself up proudly, even though she tried to hide it. It was the time for action, and she needed to be dramatic so Cheerilee knew she meant business. Chapter seven in the book that was laying down at Cheerilee’s hooves said as much. Narrowing her eyes, Twilight pointed at Cheerilee.
“Rarriby!” she bumbled out.
A stark silence filled the room. Cheerilee turned her head slightly as she studied her marefriend. “I’m sorry, could you... could you repeat that?”
Twilight stood stock still, the color draining from her face as she clamped a hoof on her mouth. “I bib my prongue om rhe boor...” she mumbled, her eyes filling with small tears. Cheerilee trotted over quickly, putting her hooves around Twilight as she lead her to the kitchen.
“Sh, sh, it’s okay, Twilight,” she cooed. Twilight would have made a face about how she didn’t enjoy being coddled but decided to make an exception of it for the moment. The discussion could take place later. For now, she had Cheerilee as her tongue doctor. The excitement of that thought caused a stray spark to emit from her horn, the unicorn giggling as best she could.
Sitting atop one of Ponyville’s tallest hills and plateaus, The Ponyville Train Station had two major lines for the two major types of trains that came through the small village. One was the traditional horse-drawn variety of track, which was far more basic and allowed for a train to be pulled off the tracks more easily in case of major obstructions. These types of trains were headed by up to eight large stallions and mares. The other major line was for the new models, which would be run on either a new type of fuel or run on the magic of unicorns. Because of Ponyville's vicinity to Canterlot, it had a state-of-the-art line that was fueled by unicorns. Outside of an initial whine of the magic capacitors, it was as quiet as a mouse to ride.
Following one such whine, the train for Canterlot left the station, having just finished dropping off its previous inhabitants – Families coming home from a visit, and what few Canterlot Elite who deigned to grace this town with their presence. One such elite sighed through her nose as she looked at the town below her. “I can't say I expected to come to Ponyville...” she said to herself, her golden aura surrounding her light baggage as she set foot towards Ponyville. “But my beloved fiance can’t be without his darling for too long...”
“Well howdy there, ma’am! Ain’t you as pretty as a pig in slop!” a local pony greeted, his turnip-stained flank weaving with his tail, which wagged like a dog in the presence of such beauty. “My name here is Turnip Truck, hee-yup! Ain’t you one ah them there Canterlot ponies?” Turnip asked, his one eye looking her up and down, while the other eye lazily kept staring into her own. “Shoot, you do look familiar, miss!”
Looking the pony up and down, there was something more about the trailer trash pony than she cared to admit. “Perhaps you might have seen some misplaced advertisement in a dirty magazine. I am told my fashions have shown up in less than gentlemanly magazines as of late.”
“Heh heh, ain’t you a joker, miss!” Turnip Truck chuckled, throwing a hoof around the unicorn in a sign of camaraderie. “The missus ain’t much for having them kinds of magazines in our home, and Ah expect Ah ain’t one to have my sons lookin’ at ‘em neither.” Turnip released the poor unicorn from his hug, and quickly trotted in front of her, outstretching a hoof towards his hometown. “Welp, S’much as Ah’d love ta welcome you into Ponyville, it ain’t much my job to do so. Pinkie’ll be with ya right quick, though, Ah reckon... Aw shoot, Ah ain’t even asked for your name yet.”
“That’s quite alright, Mr. Truck,” the proper pony said, trying desperately to clean off some invisible dirt from her coat that she believed the Earth pony might have left. How a pony like this Turnip Truck ever should have married, and by Celestia, mated was beyond her capacity. “My name is Fleur-De-Lis. And you can call off your welcome party, I don't believe I'll be in Ponyville long.”
“Oh? Y’all been here before? Hoowee, maybe that’s why ta look so familiar.” Turnip Truck put on a pleased smile as his tail began to wag again. Fleur moved to keep her distance. “So what brings you here, Mrs. De-Lis?”
“That’s Miss, Mr. Truck.” Fleur corrected, a sly smile creeping up on her features. “Although I pray not for long. I’m here on business.”
Turnip Truck nodded with a void expression on his face. Blinking, he looked toward Ponyville and then back to Fleur. “Well, business? What’s a big wig pony like you doin’ here in Ponyville on business for?"
-----
Morning came as any other for the librarian of Ponyville, which is to say, very late. While the studious unicorn had nothing but schedules, she often would scribe them for her afternoons and evenings – as any number higher than seven followed by ‘A.M.’ would be strictly scheduled in as ‘sleepytime.’ It once was scheduled in as ‘nap time’ but eventually that had to become a Spike-only term. There were, however, exceptions to the ‘A.M.’ rule, such as on holidays and events. Or when Twilight awoke to the sight of two magenta hooves around her midsection.
Shifting to her hooves, Twilight quickly looked behind her. There was the sleeping form of one Cheerilee, the schoolteacher of Ponyville. In her bed. With what could only be described as the most peaceful expression that Twilight had ever seen. Panic gripped her as she quickly recounted the night before.
Rarity. Fancy Pants. Bathtime. Cheerilee. Scarlet Letter. A door. Her tongue. Tongue Doctor. “Tongue doctor?” Twilight echoed aloud, her tongue smarting as she clicked it. Right. The door. Twilight Sparkle, the hero of Equestria three-fold, personal student of Celestia, had spent last night at the mercy of a mare twice her age and then fell to the almighty power of an oaken door. And then... she looked down, emerald eyes staring back up at her. They had gone to bed. Together. And now they had woken up. Together.
And somehow, nothing else had happened. “Cheerilee...” Twilight breathed.
“Morning, sleepyhead,” Cheerilee smiled, pushing herself up onto her hooves and bringing her hoof up to Twilight’s chin, bringing it level with her own. “Somepony say they ordered a tongue doctor?” Well, from what Twilight’s blossoming memory could recall, there was actually a lot more happening than nothing on her bed, if her very tired tongue had anything to say about it. A furious blush and an attempt to bury her face in her hooves did nothing to hide the fact she very much was going to visit Cheerilee’s E.R.
-----
At the breakfast table, Cheerilee sat at the table with Spike as Twilight tried to put together something in the kitchen. Cheerilee looked up from time to time, and every time Spike would look away from a very obvious and intense glare. Rolling her eyes, Cheerilee put on her best face and cleared her throat, getting the young dragon’s attention. “So, Spike, how have you been? I’ve seen you out and about with Sweetie Belle and her group of friends a lot this summer. Have you been enjoying yourselves?”
“Yes,” Spike said curtly.
Cheerilee waited for more to come out of the dragon, but after it was soon apparent that he was done talking, Cheerilee softened her tone. “So what else have you been up to?”
“Stuff, I guess. Nothing out of the usual. Twilight has me to do a lot for her. I’m her number one assistant, you know.” Spike said, his slit-like nostrils flaring as much as he could muster. Cheerilee stared blankly, absolutely captivated by the sight of Spike trying his hardest to look... intimidating?
“Of course you are, Spike. Irreplaceable in both her studies and in her heart,” she said, looking him in the eyes. “I always thought you to be a bit more than just an assistant, though.”
Spike put his hands down on the table and stood up on his chair, eying the schoolmarm as best he could. “Oh yeah? You’re not just saying that for me to put my guard down?”
Cheerilee couldn’t help but laugh off the accusation. “Put your guard down? Spike, what are you talking about?”
“Hey, you’re dating Twilight, and that’s cool and all, but you’re a teacher, too. And like, that’s the best kind of assistant Twilight can have! You’re pushing in on my territory here, and I won’t stand for it!” Spike slammed his fist into the table. “You’re not nocturnal like Owlicious is...”
Cheerilee put a hoof over her mouth, her smile hidden behind it. “Oh Spike...” she started, her voice steady. Years of foals saying the darndest things had prepared her for any outburst, and while she was staring down the eyes of a dragon, it was still a baby dragon. “What makes you think I’m trying to become Twilight’s assistant?”
Spike stood straight on his seat, his tail wrapping around the base of the stool. “‘Cause when Owlicious became Twilight’s night assistant, he started sleeping here, too. And I saw you and Twilight last night in the same bed!” A sudden flush came to Cheerilee’s cheeks as Spike crossed his arms, leaning impossibly forward. “It doesn’t take a genius to know what you’re trying to do. You want to replace me as Twilight’s go-to assistant!”
If Cheerilee had been eating or drinking something, she would have spit it out in a decorative pattern in front of her. Something that, if put on a canvas, would go for a couple thousand bits at a Canterlot art show, sponsored by Canterlot Cutlery. If it took more than one cut, it's not a Canterlot Cut! Cheerilee stared blankly as her brain replayed the invasive Canterlot commercial. By the time she realized Spike was still staring her down, she forgot she wasn't eating something.
Yet somehow, she still ended up choking on her tongue, and Cheerilee fell into a fit of coughing, which at least gave the poor girl an excuse to hide the redness of her normally much more magenta cheeks.
“Cheerilee? Are you alright?” Twilight called from the kitchen, her head poking out the door. “Spike, why are you leaning like that?”
“I don’t know Twilight, why don’t you make a nice bow for your girlfriesstant!” he said.
“Holy non-sequitur, Mare-Do-Well!” Pinkie Pie exclaimed, her head sticking out of the nearest window. All eyes turned on the pink intruder, Cheerilee’s heart skipping a beat as she was mere inches away from the party pony. “That was a good one, Spike! I should make up superwords like that more often!” Despite his foul mood, Spike puffed his chest out to Pinkie's praise.
“Hello, Pinkie.” Twilight bleated, trotting into the room with a couple of food items floating through the air behind her. “I’d say most ponies knock, but...”
“I’m not most ponies, I know,” Pinkie Pie finished, leaping through the open window. “I just wanted to swing on by and tell you guys that I’m throwing a party and everypony’s invited!”
“Oh?” Cheerilee asked, her voice returning to her. “Well, I don’t think I’m one to ever miss an open invitation to a Pinkie Pie party. What’s the occasion? Is it somepony’s birthday? Or somepony new come into town? Maybe the occasion is there is no occasion?”
Pinkie Pie smiled largely. “Oh, totally the second one, but I’m gonna remember the third one! That’s a Super-Duper good idea on the Pinkie Pie Splendiferous Scale of Partyness.” Putting a hoof on her chin, Pinkie shrugged. “But it could be somepony’s birthday somewhere. Maybe I should cook up an extra batch of cupcakes just to be sure.”
“Who’s the pony that came into town, Pinkie?” Spike asked.
Pinkie shrugged again. “I dunno, but suddenly all the air was out of my lungs like whoosh and my legs went super taunt and I nearly catapulted over myself!”
Twilight raised an eyebrow. “And that means...?”
Cheerilee had the answer to that one. “New pony in town, I think.”
Spike hopped off his feet and onto his bottom. “I could have told you that!” he muttered defensively.
“Or the first time in a long time, so it could be a reunion party. How fun!” Pinkie bounded over to the front door, waving her hoof goodbye to everypony in the library. “Alright, well, I still got all the other ponies in town to tell about the party! And find the guest of honor, which should be the pony who I don’t recognize, so it’ll be super easy to find!”
“I’m sure, Pinkie,” Cheerilee patronized, waving at Pinkie as she rushed out the door, leaving it wide open. Twilight sighed as she placed the sandwiches down, her magic capturing the doorknob and pulling it shut. “Never a dull moment with her.”
“You don’t know the half of it...” Twilight sighed, taking her seat at the table. With a spark from her horn and closing her eyes, she raised the sandwich up to her mouth and took a bite of her cupcake. Taking in the sugar-sweet taste, it took her a moment to realize that she did not bring a cupcake to the table. In fact, she very much remembered only bringing a daisy sandwich with her. “What the..!?”
“Your bread was moldy.” Pinkie said from the window, her head sticking out again. As she put down a small plate of cupcakes, her ears were flopping and her nose twitched. “So I brought you something sweet instead!”
“How...?” Twilight began before ‘logic’ stole away the rest of her words. “Well, this isn’t the most nutritious breakfast imaginable,” she said, eying the sweet treat in front of her with mild scrutiny. The moldy sandwiches lay on the center of the table, where a greedy dragon tongue made their way around them and quickly made all three disappear without a trace.
Cheerilee looked on in wonderment. “Pinkie, do you have anything like fruit on you? I would very much like an orange or something citrus....” she asked, offering up her cupcake to trade. Pinkie put her hoof on her chin, gazing at the ceiling as if considering the proposition.
“Okay, Cheerilee, you got a deal.” Swapping the cupcake out of her hand, Cheerilee quickly found a full pineapple in her hoof, fresher than a tropical breeze. “Pleasure doing business with you girls, see you at the party!” Pulling her head back through the window, the rest of her wild cotton candy mane disappeared with a whoomph as it closed the window behind her.
Cheerilee shook her head at the marvel of the last two minutes, offering the fruit to Twilight for preparation. “Is this what every morning is like in your home, Twilight?”
Twilight took up the pineapple in her magic and began unraveling the hard outer shell. “You can never be too sure of any morning when Pinkie’s one of your closest friends,” she admitted. Inspecting the fruit, Twilight began to extract the core from it. “Thanks for the assistance. I don’t want to get an upset stomach from morning cupcakes. I can’t eat like Pinkie can.”
Cheerilee smiled and nodded. “Nopony can. And it’s no trouble at all, Twilight. I’ve spent my early years growing up around Ponyville, same as Pinkie. She’s such an energetic pony, I have wished to get to know her better. If I have to stay over more often to see her, I think I just might.” Rewarded with a bashful unicorn trying desperately to hide her blush as she sliced through the perfect pineapple rings, Cheerilee looked over to Spike.
His death glare could have frozen Discord in his tracks.
-----
Dear Princess Celestia,
I write to you on the progress of our little problem and have found quite an interesting situation, both in regards to your pupil’s lack of letters regarding the magic of camaraderie and the object in which our foreign and domestic woes have started. I should hope that Fleur is doing all she can to keep them comfortable and entertained in my stead. She certainly knows the beauty of Canterlot like the back of her hoof!
Twilight Sparkle, upon the inappropriate timing of her most private collection of writings, seems to have played her hand out in the open, and I am happy to report she has started her first relationship, as you predicted she would have. I am not sorry to have lost our wager and will be sending over my best seamstress to get started on your new dress for the Summer Solstice festival.
However, more curious still is the subject of your pupil’s desire. A graduate of Canterlot University and – perhaps more importantly – she is one of the daughters of Scarlet Letter – A name I’m sure you recognize every time you see the Red Letter from your balcony. This creates a possible window of opportunity for our little problem with the diplomats and their... frustrations. I shall be devising a solution to end this little fiasco, or at the very least, shift the proverbial egg from one face to another.
As for your end of the bargain, I should hope that nothing has turned up in regards to a certain aforementioned pony of discernible class. I should hate that after all these years, I should be played a fool by a pony I had considered to be a close friend and business partner. I can only hope that this betrayal on my end is mine alone, and not in response to some earlier slight against myself.
I couldn’t live with myself if—
“Fancy?” a female voice called. The unicorn snapped up from his letter, looking about until he saw the owner. “Still writing dreary old letters to pretty mares?”
Fancy Pants sighed with relief, putting down his quill momentarily. “If I recall correctly, my dear, I asked you to stay in Canterlot via letter.” Trotting over, the mare nuzzled Fancy Pants softly but still kept a respectable distance with the rest of her body.
Raising Fancy’s chin to stare into her emerald eyes, Scarlet Letter smiled. “I thought you made it clear last night that I shouldn’t always listen to you?” Swinging around Fancy, Scarlet headed over to her kitchen with a very noticeable shake of her flanks.
“Sadly, an old stallion can never seem to keep up with his own words,” Fancy relented, returning to his letter. Finishing up the letter, he produced a small jar from his saddlebags. Opening it over the letter, dragon’s flame leapt out of the jar and lapped angrily over the pages until nothing remained but green smoke. “There we are. Well, Celestia old girl, I hope I find out whatever it is you’ve sent me here to uncover.”
“Fancy!” Scarlet called from the kitchen, her voice inquisitive.
“Yes, what is it?”
“Would you like to go to a party?” Scarlet asked. “A lovely pink pony in my pantry just handed me an invitation.”
Fancy stared into the kitchen, his expression blank. Scarlet appeared from around the corner with two personalized invitations in her mouth, addressed to the both of them. Giving them a closer look, Fancy nodded his head. “Sounds like a capital idea. I wonder who we’re welcoming?”
“I haven’t been to a Pinkie Pie welcoming party in a while.” Twilight walked over to the stairs leading to the upper level of her tree home, stopping just short of the third step. “Well, except for maybe Babs Seed.” Her brow furrowed. Cheerilee kept looking back at Spike, but she started up the stairs again regardless. “I’ve been here a couple years, already, but I can’t remember very many. Is it really so rare that ponies move here?”
Cheerilee put a hoof on her chin, shaking her head. “I remember the girls said something about Apple Bloom’s cousin before, yes. Perhaps you’ve gone to a few that you thought were regular parties?”
Twilight nodded, continuing up the stairs. “Or we party so much, Pinkie knows I might need some time to myself and doesn’t invite me to every single one them. I should wear something nice.”
“I should hope that being a librarian, you would meet everypony who comes to Ponyville sooner or later,” Cheerilee added, keeping in step behind Twilight. Twilight’s tail brushed her nose as they went up the steps. She scrunched her face and looked up at the offending strands, and at that moment Cheerilee was very glad she was not a pegasus. Coughing and averting her eyes, she decided to find inspiration on the grain of the floorboards. Various imagery of exactly what she’d like to do to that tail paraded through her mind until she completely missed the fact she had run out of stairs to climb and stepped headfirst into the floor. Below, Spike could be heard laughing.
“Cheerilee!” Twilight sprang to her side, helping the poor pony up. “Are you alright? What happened?”
Cheerilee winced, mustering up her best smile. “I got distracted– My eyes were closed!” She rubbed her hoof over her eyes in an exaggerated gesture. “I guess I didn’t get good enough sleep last night.”
“Oh,” Twilight said, casting her gaze to the floor. “Y-yeah, I guess you must have been a little uncomfortable on my small bed… I’m sorry.” Swallowing, she sent a sidelong glance toward Cheerilee. “I’ll try to give you more room next time.” From the stairs, Spike crawled on all fours, his ear twisted to hear the girls better.
Cheerilee bit her lip. “No!“ That was the opposite of what she intended! Like a pink elephant, which she inexplicably could not keep herself from thinking about. “I mean– no, that won’t be necessary at all.” Cheerilee’s mind clicked into place, realizing Twilight might take that as an admission to never sleep in the same bed again. The pink elephant would not be pleased with her. “I mean, I don’t need extra room. In fact, I’d really rather like less room!” ‘Too forward!’ the pink elephant urged. “N-n-n-Not like we need to be touching!” ‘No!’ the pink elephant trumpeted, ‘Now she thinks you’re not interested in her body at all! There has to be some attraction!’ “But we could!” ‘Too needy. Abort!’ “Pink elephants!”
Twilight stared. Spike was heard retreating down the stairs, holding his claws over his mouth. Cheerilee wore the most vacant smile. The pink elephant bolted for the window, crushing Twist’s imaginary friend below. Everypony involved was horrified.
“Soooo, what are we coming up here for?” Cheerilee hastily asked. She looked around the upstairs that she had spent the entire summer coveting to be here alone with Twilight. “It’s a bit early to get ready for Pinkie’s party.”
Twilight’s horn sparkled as it pulled on a string that hung from the ceiling, revealing a ladder that slid down to the floor. “I was going to do some inventory in the attic… It’s where I keep books on request and my personal collections. It’s not fire retardant so Spike’s not allowed up there,” she said. She practically hinted. She briefly considered a light show with the words ‘This is where alone time happens’. But all Twilight could think about was pink elephants.
“Good!” The words came out dumb. She could feel the pink elephant putting its comically oversized leg over its face in shame from outside. “Do you need any help with that?”
Twilight grinned. “Yes!” she said, taking to the ladder and nearly galloping up the steps. Cheerilee approached the ladder herself, testing it with her more durable Earth pony body. It creaked a little, but she made her way up slowly, taking great care not to repeat her previous mistake.
Spike peered over the lip of the staircase below, watching Cheerilee ascend the final steps up the ladder. “I see how it is. ‘Where Spike isn’t allowed!’ Yeah? ‘Good!’ she says. Trying to get rid of me, huh, sister?” Spike huffed, flames spitting out of his nostrils. “I bet I know what ‘pink elephants’ is code for. It’s ‘Operation: Usurp Spike as Twilight’s Number One Assistant!’” Jumping up to the last few steps, Spike ran over to the bottom of the ladder, trying to see into the shadows of the attic. All he could see was Cheerilee’s shape as it danced across the walls, illuminated by Twilight’s magic. Putting a claw on the ladder, Spike smiled. He’d get to the bottom of this.
“Who?” cried the creature of the night. Spike froze, his head swiveling slowly toward the roosted creature. “Who?”
“Shouldn’t you be asleep?” Spike groaned, putting his other claw on the ladder. Owlicious stared unblinkingly. “Ugh, nevermind, we’re not doing the whole ‘Who?’ thing again.”
Owlicious tracked his claw. “Who?”
“Nope, sorry, I’ve got a mission—” Bells rang from below as a library patron entered the Golden Oaks.
“Spiiiiiiiiiiiiike!” Twilight called from above. Spike groaned, slamming his head against the ladder rung with an audible clunk. “Can you please get that?”
Defeated, Spike released the ladder and trudged over to the staircase. “Who,” came its mocking tone. Spike glared at Owlicious, but the owl seemed content to close its eyes and return to his slumber. Down below, a beige stallion greeted the dragon with a smile.
“Hello there, do you have any information on Pink Elephants?” he greeted, a giant smile on his face as he adjusted his green tie. Spike’s eyes narrowed. Silence greeted the pony as he failed to make further eye contact with the dragon. “Um, yes. Saddle Arabian Pink Elephants. Nomad species. Notable for being hard to miss and impossible to forget. A small crying child outside seems plenty interested in them.”
“Check the shelf!” Spike groaned, sitting on the stairs and watching the pony fidget under his icy gaze.
-o-0-o-
“Your Faithful Student, Twilight Sparkle,” Cheerilee said aloud, looking over the scroll. “I like these reports, Twilight. Did you keep them all?” She hovered over a box labeled Copy Letters to Celestia - Copy Set 1. It sat next to an identical box labeled Copy Letters to Celestia - Copy Set 2. Which sat next to an identical box labeled Copy Letters to Celestia - Copy Set 3. And so on and so forth all along the northern wall, next to some of the leaves that peaked in through the cracks of the planks. “I’d really like a copy for class.”
“Yes! Sure!” Twilight said, her face buried in another box. In truth, she organized this box last week. And the week before. Quite possibly she would have done it yesterday if it wasn’t for, well. Twilight looked over to Cheerilee, who kept her nose in her letters to Celestia. She wasn’t sure how she felt, reading what was basically royal material, but she did know she wanted those eyes on her.
For her part, Cheerilee was a master at looking but not staring. Her few years of teaching had helped her watch her students without actually focusing her eyes, and it was helping out here in the attic. Even though it was morning, and the sunbeams through the rafters and leaves were just so, it was the right amount of dark for her to foster less than scholarly thoughts about Twilight Sparkle.
Cheerilee wasn’t entirely proud of how quickly she would move in her relationships. Back in high school, Cheerilee always felt that finding another mare like her would have been difficult, so when she got one, things went… quickly. Very quickly. And in college, when it wasn’t that uncommon to be with a pony of the same gender? Well, she was just rather used to moving fast, and her partners never complained.
But Twilight had been different. Reserved. Half the time, Cheerilee wasn’t even sure she thought about the possibility of sharing the night together, in a much more sensual manner. She always seemed like every time it was brought up, even in jest… it seemed like the last thing on her mind. She kissed and that was it. Cheerilee was in a stereotypically healthy relationship. She should be fine with it being like this. Everypony had their own tempo, and she would respect it. Cheerilee bit her lip. Respect was hard.
Twilight, on the other hoof, was reliving every moment from last night. Her mind started playing director and began telling her how it should have gone. Her hooves tingled. Her eyes darted over to Cheerilee, drinking her in. “So it’s a little selfish, Twilight. You deserve to be a little selfish,” she muttered.
Cheerilee looked up from the letter and smiled. “What was that, Twilight?”
“I said how do Griffons ever eat Shellfish?” Twilight recovered. Well, technically their diets required them to be omnivores, and there were specific nutrients that a griffon needed in their system for their wings that are often found in insects, but griffons need—
“—larger meals as they require more mass than your typical bird of prey.” Cheerilee continued, Twilight becoming aware that Cheerilee was literally answering her question. By Celestia, she wanted that mare. “I couldn’t tell you what fishes were better, but small game is also acceptable for a griffon to consume. I’m sure your friend Fluttershy could tell you more.”
“Let’s look at some books!” Twilight blurted, getting up on all fours and flinging a black box between the two of them. “I don’t think I’ve looked through this one! Let’s look through it together!” With dialogue like that, Twilight reasoned, she’d be kicked out of the romance section in Magic Kindergarten. On reflection, she wasn’t entirely sure why Magic Kindergarten had a romance section in the library. What mattered was that Cheerilee approached the black box and took off the lid, revealing such titles as Pony Sutra and Frisky Fetlocked Fillies 45.
Wrong box, Twilight reasoned.
Cheerilee stared at the box for a good long while. A good long while is exactly how long Twilight wanted to be dead or invisible or really just gone altogether. Other titles jumped out at them, such as Red Letter Mares and Tiny Magical Lesbian Ponies. The former, Twilight reasoned, showcased the quality of mare that worked for her marefriend’s mother.
Cheerilee finally put the lid down, shifting the cover of Fillies Gone Wild, Hoofington Hussies aside as she did. She looked up at Twilight and back down to the box. “Do you have Frisky Fetlocked Fillies 15? That’s my favorite.” She smiled, one eyebrow raised. It was everything she could do not to run her tongue over her lips.
“I. I. I. I,” Twilight repeated. It’s under my bed for easy access! “I. I. I. I.” I swear to Celestia if you even mutter the name When the Colts are Away I will pin you to the ground. “I. I. I. I.” Cheerilee’s face softened, looking back down at the entire library of smut before her.
Cheerilee tittered her tongue, putting the lid back on the box and sliding it to the side. She walked over to Twilight and pulled her close to a hug. Twilight fell into it, Cheerilee stroking her down her back. “I just wanted—”
“To spend some time, Twilight. You always want to spend time. And that’s great, I love that about you.” Cheerilee nuzzled against Twilight, resting her chin between Twilight’s scalp and horn. “So we stumbled upon your… collection. It happens in a relationship sometimes.”
Both of them knew it was likely a happenstance that was frequent in some couples, but Cheerilee was finally not talking from experience. If any of her marefriends found her stash… she’d be so embarrassed she’d personally insult Celestia so she’d have a shot to live on the moon for a few thousand years. “You did say you wanted to go through your personal collection,” she teased, hopefully helping Twilight find the humor in it.
“I cannot be seen.” Twilight pushed herself off Cheerilee, every instinct telling her to go right back to where she was. “I think I need– some time alone. I just— Oh my gosh.” She put a hoof over her head and headed for the stairs. “I think I’m gonna get a glass of water I’ll see youatPinkiePie’slaterBye!” With a stumble, a fall, and a quick teleport down the ladder, Cheerilee could only watch as Twilight Sparkle did everything exactly opposite of how she wanted it to go.
“So innocent,” Cheerilee sighed. “I don’t deserve her.” She went about negotiating the ladder when she looked at the black box nearby. Checking to see if Twilight or Spike was watching her, Cheerilee quickly nipped at the box and nabbed When the Colts are Away before ducking out of the attic.
-o-0-o-
Shifting her saddlebags, Cheerilee departed Twilight Sparkle’s library with a spring to her step and a twitch in her eye. Looking gainfully back at the big oak tree, she caught sight of Twilight through a window, feverishly organizing her books. She had her back to the window, and Cheerilee couldn’t stop staring. Twilight moved and swayed as she dealt with book after book, sometimes biting her lip in concentration. Cheerilee mirrored her, her own tongue running across the front of her teeth.
Shaking her head furiously, she stamped a hoof into the ground and took off once more for home. “I am not my mother, I am merely admiring my marefriend. Just admiring her– Grace! And intelligence.” Cheerilee debated, deciding to not make eye contact with any passing pony. Admiration was a wonderful word and such a fitting one for Equestria’s heroine. Yes, her smarts, her wisdom, her beautiful curves— “Not. My mother.”
“I should be very glad you aren’t, Miss Cheerilee.” Fancy Pants trotted alongside Cheerilee, catching her unaware. “A mare like your mother is a very unique thing, one that would spoil should you aim to replace her.” Fancy Pants grinned, “Such a crass action would leave the world without you, to which I am certain Miss Sparkle would be beside herself having lost.”
“Uncle Pants!” Cheerilee blurted out. Snapping a hoof to her mouth, her eyes darted to see if anypony heard her say that. “I mean, F-f-Fancy Pants! I-I’m sorry, I’m just…”
Fancy Pants pulled the young mare in for a hug, which Cheerilee warmly accepted. “Good to see you, Chi-Chi.” Cheerilee made a face, looking up at the older stallion. Fancy laughed, letting her go. “Turnabout is fair play, Cheerilee. Besides, I can't fathom the reasoning your mother insists on calling you after your sister's name.”
“Fancy Pants.” Cheerilee rubbed a hoof against her forehead, feigning a smile. “Good to see you again.” Looking at the stallion over, he was just as dapper as ever, but his older age was starting to show. "Mom always called us her twin Cherries. I think it just stuck in her mind. Cherry Blossom is never around, so..."
“Well, I couldn’t be happier to reconnect with one of you girls. Why, the last time I saw you, you were–” Fancy Pants cut himself off as images flashed in his mind of a passed out Cheerilee on the floor of the library. “Incapacitated.”
“Incapacitated?” Cheerilee stared blankly, ice pricking at her hooves as realization started to work its way to her brain. “Twilight didn’t mention…”
“After last night, Miss Sparkle had many other things on her mind after meeting your mother for the first time.” Fancy Pants laughed, “Chi-Chi, I had no idea it was you at the time. Twilight mentioned a name, but, well, I was under the belief that you were still in Canterlot - with more black ink in your mane than last night.”
“Yes, well… we all have our phases.” Apparently, lead singer in a glam rock band actually was a phase, despite what she said to her mother. “How is my mother?” She made no show to hide her grimace.
“She’s doing quite well, I must say. In fact, we were fortuitously invited this morning to a large party thrown by that rambunctious pink sprite– Ah, what the devil was her name?” Fancy trailed, putting a hoof to his chin.
Cheerilee swallowed the well of emotions that came up with her breakfast at the prospect of her mother going to a Pinkie Pie party. “A party, you say? Is… my mother going?”
“Yes, she said she would if I was in attendance, and a stallion in my position must keep up with appearances. Besides, I am to understand that Twilight Sparkle is good friends with– Pinkie Pie! Ah yes, that was her name– She is good friends with Pinkie Pie and will be going as well?” Cheerilee nodded dumbly. “Capital! Those two definitely know how to throw a charming party, if their festivities in Canterlot were of any indication.” Fancy Pants smiled, sniffing the air before he pressed on, “Have you... not gotten an invitation?”
“I-i-I have!” Cheerilee said, “I wouldn’t miss it for the world, Uncle Pa–Fancy. Fancy Pants.” Cheerilee turned away from him, trying to fake interest in looking at Sugar Cube Corner. “Pinkie Pie’s parties are always a priority for me! They’re a good way to meet with a foal’s parent in a low-stress environment.”
Fancy Pants’ smile brightened. “Ah yes! A teacher now, I love it! Very proud of what you’re doing, Chi-Chi.” For a moment, Cheerilee thought she saw a tear at the very edge of Fancy’s eye. “I may only be your mother’s friend, but I do mean it. Why, watching you grow up those early years, who was to know you’d be such a beautiful and intelligent mare?”
Cheerilee huffed, not meeting his eyes. “According to my mother, everypony.”
Fancy chuckled, “Ah, the flattery of a parent...” As they reached an intersection in the road, Fancy made as if to veer left, as Cheerilee headed to the right. They both paused a moment, sensing their time had come to an end. “Well then, until we meet at the party?”
Cheerilee nodded once more. “Of course!” she said, before her voice fell into a hushed whisper, “Please... make sure mother behaves!”
Fancy Pants laughed heartily, shaking his head. “Oh, if only I could have done that, then I don’t think college would have been nearly the experience it was!” However, he reached over and pulled Cheerilee into a hug. “That said, you have my word as a gentlepony that I shall do my absolute best to curtail your mother’s... erm, tail.”
Cheerilee exhaled long, accepting the hug. “Thanks, Uncle. See you at the party then.”
“Indeed,” Fancy Pants started, letting Cheerilee go. She turned to go when Fancy reached a hoof out to stall her. “Although if you’ll pardon the intrusion…” Cheerilee stopped mid-stride. She looked back, eyebrow raised slightly. “How long have you and Twilight Sparkle been together, if you don’t mind my asking?”
Her lips pursed together, her gaze fixated on the ground. “A couple months...” Cheerilee started, her eyes trailing into the sky, making an effort not to stare straight into the sun. “Near the start of Summer. She helped me with grading the end of year reports and... Oh my, I guess we’ve come up to nearly four months, haven’t we?” she said with the slightest of giggles. The end of summer nipped at her hooves as the thought of a new semester starting tickled her mane.
“A beautiful summer romance then.” Fancy Pants turned his head toward the bakery and sniffed at the air. The scent of sugar dipped into his stomach, drawing him towards Sugar Cube Corner. “Ah, I really must be going. Important work to do. Toodaloo!”
“Bye!” Cheerilee responded, half-heartedly raising her hoof. She started up a trot, her tail flicking behind her. “A weakness for sweets, some stallions never change,” she uttered under her breath. Summer romance. Her hooves moved automatically, carrying her forward. They were more than just a fling. “I should very well think that Twilight and I are—” Cheerilee’s tongue felt dry and fat, choking the words before they could escape. “Twilight and I… We’re… going to a party.”
And Twilight had expressed interest in going with some semi-formal attire to the party at the breakfast table, which meant some fashion of clothing. Cantering along, she caught sight of Carousel Boutique, eying it. Cheerilee didn’t particularly need anything new, but after last night, Twilight did say something about a ‘Rarrbly’.
She didn’t recall making the mental decision to stand in front of Carousel Boutique. She didn’t mean to rap three times on the door clearly marked ‘Come in!.’ However, Cheerilee did seem to recall having every intention to bolt when Fleur De Lis walked out with a new dress draped across her back.
“F-f-f-f-f-f-Fleur!?” Cheerilee balked, her hoof raised in shock as she leaned on her back legs. The leggy unicorn looked down at her with raised eyebrows, her lips slowly curling into a smile.
“Well if it isn’t my old Cheerleader,” Fleur looked her over, sniffing the air around Cheerilee with more interest than the schoolteacher was comfortable with. However, at least the tone of her voice was about as friendly as one could expect from someone born and bred in Canterlot. “It’s been ever so long.”
“Yes,” for Cheerilee, never would have been too soon, “It has been a while. Are you still modeling in Canterlot?” Cheerilee asked, feigning civility. “That must be tiring work.”
Fleur laughed airily, swishing her hoof through the remark. “Oh, it is, not that you’d ever know the perils of modeling.” She stepped aside, opening up the avenue for Cheerilee to walk into the Boutique. “How’s the whole, you know, teaching thing? It is a far cry from what I was expecting you to do with your life.” Cheerilee tensed up, her body was unprepared to the verbal slap. But she spent more than enough time in the mountain city to not be knocked flat by a quick left hook.
"I was studying it between dating you and you shaking up with my mother," Cheerilee quipped, but she sharply drew a quick breath in. A solid jab, but Fleur remained relaxed. "Which is, of course... ancient history." Releasing all the air out of her lungs, she eyes Fleur intensely for a moment. Fleur made as if to respond, but Cheerilee continued, "Three months off a year on a salaried wage hasn’t been too awful," she said, stepping forward.
Ponyville style, she allowed herself to think. If they were to fight with words, then Cheerilee wasn't above fighting a little dirty. Fleur wasn't prepared for this, and one hoof leaned back. “I love the foals as if they were my own.” Unrelenting positive honesty, At least that much was true, Cheerilee argued.
Fleur's face twisted into a myriad of different expressions as the verbal onslaught continued, but settled on something... threateningly neutral. “Ugh, I hated school.” Cheerilee was somehow very much reminded of her mother. Fleur continued, heading down the single stair from Rarity's boutique. "I'm glad you're very much... over what happened in the past. I can't say I wouldn't be. Must be all this... country air."
The lack of an apology for her actions was deafening. Cheerilee's ears were ringing.
"I couldn't stand teaching. Those old schoolhouses are much too stuffy for a mare like myself." Cheerilee broke eye contact. "I’m glad I could get by on my modeling.” Striking a pose, Fleur De Lis winked seductively at Cheerilee, making sure she got a good look at her flank. Cheerilee remained unenthused. She still held her ground. "Still though, I am quite happy to see you."
"You are?" All Fleur got in return was an eyebrow raised to it's highest point. An Everest of eyebrows, it shared its cold disposition.
"Of course! We may not have parted ways the way I wished, but I never meant to hurt you. We weren't destined to be together, Cheerleader." Cheerilee sharply looked towards the ground. The constant nicknames were getting a little old, all told. "You just happened to catch me at the wrong time."
Cheerilee breathed in sharply. Again. Alright. We'll call it a draw. This was probably the closest she was going to get to an apology, Cheerilee figured. "Water under the bridge, Fleur." More like a rapid. White water. Over one of those old-timey looking rope bridges? You know, the ones in movies where you know someone has to fall. Cheerilee was too kind to imagine Fleur falling into those waters. The ones under the bridge. Far too nice. However, one wouldn't be too far to guess that Cheerilee was currently imagining herself being the type of pony who would imagine that.
“Well, it was nice–” Cheerilee tasted bile but managed to choke it down, “–to see you again, Fleur.” Cheerilee walked through the threshold, knowing full well the unicorn had failed to return the pleasantry. At least each of them got to tell the truth at least once. She figured.
Fleur turned back, waving goodbye to her ex. "Ta-ta~!"
Cheerilee rolled her eyes. She could hear the tilde. It was the equivalent to a bully 'accidentally' bumping into the smaller pony in a hallway.
Closing the door with her back hoof, Cheerilee looked around Carousel Boutique. Nostalgia washed over her, in more ways than one. Being poisoned was the most recent memory, but for their credit, the local construction crews did a good job of covering up the property damage she caused.
“Cheerilee!” came a familiar voice, belonging to the one and only Rarity. “How unexpected!” she said, the second alabaster unicorn descending a few steps and greeting her old friend with a warm smile. “It is so good to see you, darling!”
Cheerilee returned the smile with ease, “And you, Rarity.” It felt good to actually mean that this time. “I’ve always meant to swing by here, and yet… well, time gets away from us all.” Cheerilee couldn’t keep her eyes off the scores of drawing that lined the walls, each one representing some beauteous creation Rarity had created perfectly for some pony.
“Oh, don’t I know it. I’ve got eight custom orders from Canterlot alone and I…” Rarity trailed off, shaking her head. “Apologies, Cheerilee. I just had a very demanding customer who claimed she had to have a dress done up this moment.” Rarity sighed, but she seemed content. “Offered plenty of bits for it to be done on the spot. That dress was just a proof-of-concept for a much higher priority customer, but I already have the measurements. I'll just... miss it dearly. It wasn't really done, you see. It was supposed to be a deep huckleberry color, too. Speaking of measurements, though,” Rarity winked at Cheerilee, a playful smile on her lips, “You’d have liked hers. She had amazing legs.”
“I know,” Cheerilee deadpanned. “They were nicer in college, though.” She shot a commanding smirk back at the fashionista, who giggled like a schoolfilly.
“Well well!” Rarity started, “I should have known you’d have seen the best Canterlot had to offer already.” However, as she spoke, the words started to hang in her throat. “Oh… oh my, was she…?” Cheerilee knew Rarity would know of her previous marefriends and the… problems they presented with her mother. And Fleur De Lis was the first. She nodded, Rarity putting a hoof on her old friend’s shoulder.
“Oh no! Well, I am dreadfully sorry, Cheerilee,” Rarity put her head against her friend, sharing in her grief. “I can’t imagine what I’d have done in your hooves.” Rarity removed herself and trotted over to the dress, looking it over with quickening disinterest. “Honestly I can’t see how you even handle yourself with the pony. ”
“Fleur?” Cheerilee ventured, raising an eyebrow.
Rarity smiled and shook her head. “Your mother. She’s the definition of a harlot.” As soon as the words left her mouth, Rarity slammed a hoof over her mouth in terror. Cheerilee felt her eyebrows skyrocket off her face in surprise. More on that later. “Oh my! That was candid! I’m sorry, it really isn’t my place—”
“I called her a succubus the other night,” Cheerilee interrupted, placing a hoof on Rarity’s haunch. “Although that was rather unladylike.”
Rarity’s face turned red as she only offered a smile, refusing to look Cheerilee in the face. “So, yes! Right. Well, I am still woefully sorry. I shall not live it down anytime soon, of that you have my word, but,” Rarity put a hoof to her forehead as if trying to reach into her brain to find what she needed to say. She couldn’t rightly trust her own mind after that performance. “I suppose you’ve come over for a reason?”
Cheerilee nodded. “It’s not very nice of me to say that I probably wouldn’t have come here if I didn’t have a reason.”
Rarity brushed the comment away. “We’re busy mares, you and I. I’m afraid I am in as much fault as you.” Beckoning Cheerilee to follow her, the two friends made their way through the Boutique, Cheerilee pausing only briefly to look over scattered papers of new designs. Picking one up, she noticed a logo for Fancy Pants’ personal line. “Now, tell me what you’re here for, Cheerilee.”
“Hm?” Cheerilee started, as if only partially hearing what Rarity said. Dropping the paper, she realized she had forgotten why she had come. “Oh, um… Twilight?”
Rarity smiled, her shoulders dropping slightly as she nodded. “Ah, yes. I was prepared for this.” She, of course, was the only one who was in this trilogy of mares saying other mares names in accusatory fashions. Also, Cheerilee's eyebrows? You remember, from earlier? Rocketed off her face and such. Man, that was something. I don't have anything more to say on that, actually, but I said I would and here we are. It's nice here. Pull up a chair and help yourself to a cupcake, why don't you?
-----
The selection of sweets and treats at Sugar Cube Corner made Fancy Pants feel like sprinkles. “My my, these cakes look… delectable. I simply must have a taste of… is that souffle? My word, cloud cupcakes!” It was ungentlemanly of him to drool, so Fancy Pants deftly removed his monocle and stuffed it into his jacket so it need not be witness to such juvenile acts.
As he perused the selection which included a small stage labeled “The Equestrian Nation of Sugar,” Fancy missed the part where the impossibly pink pony leaped over the double doors that lead from the kitchen and up to the counter. Pinkie Pie watched him put his nose against the glass separating him from the treats, and even push his cheek against the glass to get an even better look at the gathered treats. The stage held treats of every shape and size and color, each seemingly hailing from another part of Equestria. There were Cloudsdale Cloud Cupcakes, Hoofington Hazelnut Honeybuns, Trottingham Toasted Truffles, Great Griffon Ganaches and... Ponyville’s Prized Pinkie Pie?
Fancy Pants stopped himself as the mare stuck her head into the display and helped herself to one of the representatives from Las Pegasus. “MMmmph, Lemon pudding!” Retracting herself from the caged exhibit with a solid pop, Pinkie Pie reappeared from behind the counter with the ambassadors from Saddle Arabia stuck to her teeth. “Hi there Mr. Fanciest of Pantsiest! What brings you around here? The party doesn’t start for a couple of hours - unless you’re here for the before party?”
“Ah, no, I don’t believe so." He paused. "Good heavens, do you have those?” Looking around, there didn’t seem to be that much set up for a party of any caliber. “Far be it from me to step on the fetlocks of any local customs.”
“No!” Beaming, that was that from Pinkie Pie. “Oh, do you want something sweet to eat while you’re on your feet?” Stepping down from the counter, Pinkie gestured to just about every sugary thing they had. “You’re welcome to sit down, but not many sweet things rhyme with sit.”
“Paradoxically one would need to be fit to sit. ‘Less the maiden find it rude to spit in the pit!” Fancy delivered. “I dare say there isn’t anything particularly sweet about any of those words," he reasoned. "I suppose I was just caught in the moment. Those rhymes were rather daft.”
Pinkie beamed, placing her hoof on her chin. “Pit’s are at the center of a lot of sweet things!” Pinkie nodded at nothing in particular and browsed her stock as she continued to speak. “Cherries, peaches… apples have pits too! Applejack call’s ‘em cores though, but it’s not like anypony notices – Ponies around here eat apples in one big—” Throwing a large pastry into the air, Pinkie punctuated her point by opening her mouth wide and letting the entire sweet treat fall into her mouth. Chewing on it loudly, but at least with her mouth firmly closed, she destroyed it within moments and swallowed. “Bite!”
“I… see,” Fancy said, his eyes fixed to Pinkie’s mouth. A view partially blocked by a gigantic tongue which protruded from it, licking up any loose crumbs which escaped her initial onslaught. “Tell me, Pinkie, and I hope you don’t mind me being too forward in asking, but about your friend Twilight Sparkle–”
“Best pony!” Pinkie sang, giggling to herself in some sort of in-joke. “Sorry, a song I once sang about her about the gala! Oh, Mr. Fancy Pants, I didn’t see you at the Grand Galloping Gala! That was over a season ago, now!” Indeed, it had been about four seasons. Summer, Fall, Winter, and Spring, now summer was at its hottest again. Truly, no other meaning could be gleaned from her words.
“Yes, well, I couldn’t attend due to… well that’s really off the topic.” Fancy ahemed loudly. He paused briefly, before launching into his questions again. “Is there anything about Twilight Sparkle that would suggest a certain level of deviance?”
“Deviance?” Pinkie Pie echoed, her ears shooting back. “Well, I dunno about deviancy. She’s a bit crazy, and when she gets talking you can’t really begin to quiet her, not like I mind though." Fancy Pants could cut the irony with his horn. "Oh, and when she gets passionate about something there is no way in stopping her. She just zero to goes. Oh and one time she turned a frog into an orange I mean what was that about?”
Fancy Pants raised a hoof up to quiet Pinkie, but she just kept going on about weird situations and other, weirder situations. Twilight following her while in a wheelchair? Twilight Sparkle enchanting the entire town to love a doll? “F-f-f-Fascinating…” Fancy breathed.
Pinkie brushed her hair to one side and leaned on the counter. “Yeah, she’s a little deviant, but in the best way.” Pinkie’s eyes crossed as they found an errant crumb sticking to the very edge of her mane. Her tongue shot out like a snake, wrapping itself around her hair and nearly tugging it right into her mouth. Her mane escaped at the last moment, flipping out of her mouth like a wet noodle and sticking to her forehead. “Also she like, spearheaded our group of friends into saving Equestria a couple times. It was totally fun!”
“I may have heard of that.” Fancy Pants put a hoof to his head.
“Yeah, it’s weird having a pony that can just really take your voice away sometimes and just command an entire conversation or meeting or anything! Have you ever met a pony like that Mr. Pants?”
Fancy Pants deadpanned. “I can’t say I haven’t had the experience, Miss Pie.”
“That’s a shame! You big city ponies sure do like to talk and use big words. Twilight likes big words but she uses smaller ones when she needs to but it’s all super polite these days. Not like the old days. Oh man, I could tell you stories of what Twilight would say—”
“That’s quite alright!” Fancy Pants put a hoof on the counter, pointing towards several pastries. “I think I’ve made up my mind on an order and really must be going. Do you have anything with huckleberries in them?"
Pinkie's face fell. She shook her head sadly. "Nope, we had a big order of those sent with the Apple family earlier today."
Fancy Pants nodded his head understandably, knowing the ebb and flow of the local fruit industry. "Quite alright then, if not those then... I’ll have… I’ll have some of those.”
“Those?” Pinkie said, following his hoof. “Oh, Duh! Of course! Peach and Cherry cobbler right away!” Quick as a flash, she disappeared behind the counter, and after some serious rustling and a pink tail appearing on opposite sides of the counter than the mane it was supposedly attached to, Pinkie Pie reappeared in front of Fancy Pants with a bag hanging from her mouth. “Thttll bhe eight beets!”
Fancy quickly got the bits out and paid for his pastries, magicking the bag from Pinkie as he bid her good day. “Thank you for the time and the conversation, miss! You’ve helped me quite a bit!”
Pinkie smiled. "And you helped me with eight!" She scooped up the money and placed it in the register as Fancy made his way out. As he went through the door, his expression soured only somewhat.
"Oh Celestia what have you gotten me into?” he mumbled under his breath.
Pinkie Pie turned her head sideways as Fancy Pants trotted out of the store, putting a hoof to her cheek as she leaned on it. “Sheesh! Some ponies sure to talk a lot, huh Gummy? And I was forced to try to rhyme bit with eight! Did I say bait? Or did I say 'eht'?”
The odd, toothless gator poked his nose out of her mane, open and snapped his jaws, and retreated back into her mane. Suppose that was answer enough.
Twilight stared at her library, her hooves numbly kneading at the floor. She remembered she could remember feeling them when she started here, but by now everything had faded into a collection of unfeeling. “If I don’t feel, then I don’t have to acknowledge that I screwed everything up and destroyed any chance at happiness forever.”
“You did mention that fifteen minutes ago.” Spike reminded as he dusted off a nearby bookshelf. “And fifteen minutes before that. And ten before that. And five before that. It’s a good mantra, just…” He picked up a book, staring at its cover a moment before placing Mantra Madness back on the shelf, “I thought you’d say it less by now.”
“Spike, you don’t know what I did! I ruined everything!” Twilight gaped, putting a melodramatic hoof over her eyes. Spike frowned, tapping his foot.
“You don’t have the mane to pull something like that off!” Spike challenged, placing The Chic and the Curious on the shelf. “Besides, who cares that you screwed up? You got me, and I can help with anything!” Clenching his claw, Spike drew it to his chest and pounded it. “Number one assistant, after all.”
Twilight looked over to him briefly. “There are some things an adult does and has that… I’m not having this conversation.” The idea of just blurting out about her smut came to mind, but the idea of baby dragon soon overtook any attempt at coming clean.
“Big deal! So Cheerilee is gone forever, what’s so bad about that? She’s a nice teacher and all but think of how she’d always be grading you on, like, everything.” Spike put a claw to his lips, tapping it gently. “Like math! Or… something equally as bad, like algebra.”
Twilight glared at Spike and slammed her hooves down. “Algebra is math!” Groaning, Twilight slumped over to her side, splaying out her limbs as her hooves played with the light shining through a nearby window. “She’s not gonna be gone forever. She was so mature and adult about what happened and I was so… not ready.” She could practically hear Spike rolling his eyes. “Maybe I don’t deserve her? I’m so inexperienced with all of this and she's so not…. I mean, she’s been with Rar–” Twilight tongue caught in her throat.
Spike dropped the books on the floor and spun around. Twilight froze, hoping he couldn't figure out what she was going to say by... staying stock still. Dragons can't parse through verbal dialogue because their cognitive functions are based on movement. “Rarity!?" Or maybe that was Manticores. "Cheerilee… dated Rarity!?” Actually she just made it up to make herself feel better for saying literally the worst possible thing. Again.
Spike ran over to Twilight and put his claws on her face, bringing Twilight’s head up to his. “Do you think she’d go back to Rarity?” He quickly moved his head left to right, unceremoniously doing the same to Twilight's head as he did so. It would have been a safe bet to believe that Twilight hoped her neck would snap right there and end her endless misery. But that would be pretty dark, so don't make that bet.
“What?” Twilight blinked hard, trying unsuccessfully to wallow in her aforementioned misery. Ponies can't ever seem to get any good wallowing in angst these days.
Spike unceremoniously dropped her head on the hard floor. Bringing a claw up to his mouth, Spike nibbled at their edge. “Of course she wouldn’t. Rarity wants manly men." He puffed out his chest like a manly man. "Real stallions of power and… and… Oh what am I saying? Of course she’d go back to Rarity! She’s a bombshell!” Spike clenched his claws together, turning back to Twilight. His whole being deflated. “And Rarity wouldn’t say no! She’d probably just humor her and then slowly fall in love because she’s always just thinking of others!” Eyes bulging, Spike put his claws on the side of his head as he fell to his knees. “I have to stop this!”
Twilight slowly got back to her hooves, giving her dragon assistant a sidelong glance. “Spike…” However, Spike merely ignored her and whatever else she was saying as he scrambled back to his feet.
“I’ve gotta fix this! I have to save Rarity!”
“Save Rarity from what!?” Twilight shouted after him, but he already bolted out the door. Twilight made to go after him, but her hooves stayed at the door. She looked at the clocktower not too far off, noting the time. It wasn’t much longer until Pinkie’s party, and she did promise to go. Looking back, she barely caught sight of Spike as he turned a corner behind some houses, and sighed through her nose. “I’m sure tonight’s going to be just perfect.”
-----
A jolly ring from the bell above Sugar Cube Corner’s entrance cued Pinkie Pie to return to the front end of the bakery, stopping short when she saw a leggy unicorn with a snow-white dress over her back. For a moment, Pinkie’s face was blank but soon melted to a pure smile as she approached the counter. “Howdy howdy, Miss De-Lis!” she called, waving her hoof.
Fleur’s eyebrows shot up, her hoof lifted back. “I’m sorry, have we… somehow met before?” she asked. Pinkie Pie nodded appreciatively, gesturing to the blue cannon that sat idly in the corner of the room.
“Sure have! You were at that party with my friend Rarity where she made that charmingly rustic dress for Twilight!” As she stressed the words, Pinkie pulled a face she imagined a stallion like Fancy Pants to make. “We turned that party into a par-tay!” Amusingly blind to how well it worked the first time in Canterlot, the party in the garden went over much better than the Grand Galloping Gala, so she seemed to chalk the whole thing up as a success.
Fleur, on the other hand, narrowed her eyes at the memory. “Oh, yes. You were one of those ponies. You certainly brought a different element to an otherwise common affair." Fleurallowed herself a glance around the interior, half set-up with balloons and streamers. "Now I remember where I heard the name Ponyville before.” Sucking at her teeth, Fleur looked over the rest of the building, specifically the side without any of the party favors. She strode toward the counter, eyeing the confections with wide eyes. “I’m really quite famished, so if you could be ever so kind I would like to order a Blue Rose Petal on gluten-free pita, and oh, and hold the crust. I am trying to keep up my figure.” That, or she was trying to prevent flashbacks of the time she seemingly failed to eat a sandwich three times in a row and pass it off as a food allergy in order to save face in front of the closest things to literal goddesses. But it could very well be that first thing she said.
Fleur grimaced as she looked around the store, as if further failing to find something. “Ah, and where are your prices? Something as rural as this town must be less expensive as Canterlot faire…”
Pinkie stared at her for long while, her eyebrows completely askew. “Wha?”
Fleur looked back at Pinkie, noting the look of utter confusion. Had she been even a little aware of the party pony’s reputation, she might have taken a picture for the Guinness book of Equestrian Records as the only non-Godlike being to ever have left Pinkie Pie at a loss. “Your prices, where are they?”
“Well…” Pinkie trailed off, looking at all her baked goods. She sniffed loudly. “Our prices are usually a bit-per-item, but I haven’t even heard of free tons of glue with any order before.”
“Free tons of glue– what?” Fleur echoed. The words rang in her head for a moment before her eyes opened wide. “You don’t have anything gluten-free?”
Pinkie vigorously shook her head. “I’m a baker, I deal in treats and sweets and all sorts of yummy things to eat. Glue is a sometimes snack for pre-schoolers only!” A brief pause followed her words before she added, “Or only when no pony is looking.” Fleur stared blankly at the pony before, considering whether or not the country air was causing hallucinations. “It was only like, twice. Not even that big of a deal.” Pinkie looked back up at Fleur and made eye contact. Smiling, Pinkie pointed at her dress that was draped over the unicorn’s back, “That’s a nice dress! You must have been by Rarity’s place!”
“Rarity?” Fleur echoed, her eyebrows furrowing. “Oh, you mean the dressmaker. Yes, I purchased it from her moments ago. It was made using measurements taken from yours truly, so I felt it was owed to me that she sell this to me first.”
Pinkie Pie raised an eyebrow, “That dress was made by Rarity though. Have you been to Ponyville before? But I’ve never seen you around here.” Pinkie Pie put a hoof to her mouth in contemplation. “I couldn’t be slipping, could I?” The ramifications of such a question were pointless. There were no ramifications. Don't look for them. Honest.
“No, no, I’ve never been to such a rural area like this. My measurements are part of Fancy Pants' personal files. Your dressmaker was handed them because of an order for Princess Celestia, and she wanted it to be a ‘surprise.’” Fleur air quoted the last word with a roll of her eyes. "I am uniquely suited to this as I and the Princess have the exact same body shape, albeit..." she gestured towards herself. Tall she was, but a dwarf star next to the Sun. "Shorter."
"That's super cool, and totally a solid gig. I mean, I have the same measurements of tons of models, but nothing like Celestia," Pinkie said, gesturing towards herself. Fleur could only raise a very, very high eyebrow, and that's all that needs to be said about that eyebrow. "So I guess Rarity's just going to have to make another dress and give it over to the Princess herself then, huh?"
“As if she could just waltz up to the Princess with a gift as if she was royalty herself. She isn’t like Fancy Pants, although…” Looking back at her dress, she did fail to suppress a smile. “She does good work. Better than I was expecting.”
“You don’t really keep up with current events, do you?” Pinkie Pie asked, unable to keep her mouth shut. A queer furrow appeared on her eyebrow, and she gripped the counter with the ends of her hooves. “Rarity can totally see the Princess whenever she wants to!”
Fleur’s eyebrows raised up, but they nestled back down just as quickly. That was very nice of them. “Can she now?”
Pinkie Pie nodded. “Yep, and so can I. I even hoof-deliver a batch of my best baked goods straight to her castle every month!” Celestia’s sweet tooth was rather well-documented, so Fleur had little time to disbelieve a pony who worked in what looked like a giant cupcake. “We totally were there when it rained chocolate milk, too.”
The unicorn visibly shuddered. That was the day she looked… normal. “Is that so? Perhaps my purchasing of this dress is a step in the right direction for me.... and her, naturally. Anything I wear is sure to be a big hit in Canterlot.”
Pinkie cocked her head to one side. “But isn’t it supposed to be a special dress for Princess Celestia?”
Fleur smiled. “The Princess is already on top of the world. It wouldn’t hurt for some other ponies to share the spotlight, so to speak. If I am popular in this dress, then surely a close personal friend of Princess Celestia is sure to become one as well.” Pinkie pursed her lips together, taking it all in.
"I guess that does make sense," she admitted. "She's been looking to make it in Canterlot for some time now."
Fleur smiled. "Has she? Well, then this will be a step in the right direction for her."
Pinkie nodded emphatically. "Oh yes, I think so too. I guess I should make that sandwich for you now." Pinkie hopped back over the counter, which she had somehow ended up in front of. When is a mystery, but that's where she was now. Or then, seeing as she was behind the counter again. "I'll go make that Glue Pose Metal you wanted!" To be honest, she wasn't even trying with that one.
------
“I don’t even know what I’m supposed to wallow in anymore.” Twilight stepped outside, squinting her eyes against the late afternoon sun. Spike was already long gone by the time she picked herself up and got to the door. It would make sense that he would run straight to the Boutique, but Rarity would have likely closed down for the day, especially when a Pinkie Party was just around the bend. Twilight groaned, her head dipped low as she returned to her treehouse. “Perhaps I shouldn’t go at all,” she heard herself say, plopping down on a previously discarded pillow. The kind that was meant for screaming into. “Good going, Twilight. Got the mare of your dreams, scare her away with your smut. Celestia would be so disappointed with me right now.” Laying her jaw flat on the ground, she huffed. “Well, your reaction to smut. Your smut.”
Twilight rolled on her side, inhaling deep on the vague hope some mutant mold might have taken plant in her treehouse that would end her life within moments. It certainly didn't take root, as mold is a fungus, and fungus' don't have roots. Of course, they're not actually a plant either, really. Truly, a foul organism.
Alas, only a fresh lemon scent greeted her, Spike’s impeccable cleaning talents stealing away her only chance at mercy. Twilight shifted, her limbs kicking out at various rhythms until she ended up on her back. For the most part, this was by far the least comfortable position she could think of, and her embarrassment relished in it and bought a timeshare to go with it. The only way it would have gotten worse was if somepony just came barging in and—
“Twilight? You takin’ restin’ lessons from Winona?” Applejack’s incredulous voice burst from the doorway. Twilight attempted to scramble on to her hooves, but only managed to slump to her side, her hooves kicking madly into the air as she screamed, ironically, in such a pitch that only the farm pony’s dog could hear.
“Applejack! What are you– Knock please!” she cried, finally finding purchase under her hooves. Standing at the door, Applejack gave it a sidelong glance and rapped it three times sarcastically, her eyes training back to Twilight with a furrowed brow.
“I woulda done so beforehoof, but, ah…” she trailed off, swallowing. Twilight felt her blood run cold, anticipating Applejack’s answer. “Ya left it open, sugar.” Trotting in, Applejack’s hind left hoof kicked out and closed the door behind her. “How long have ya been like that for?”
Twilight mouthed Applejack’s words as the color drained from her face. “I don’t… I can’t…” Twilight’s footing, which seemed so sublime a moment earlier, suddenly caught a horrid case of the ‘I Simply Cannots’ and promptly returned her posterior to the floor at high enough speeds that a palpable plop reverberated off the walls to be enjoyed by all those present, which thanks to Applejack’s excellent door-closing skills, was only shared by the two close friends.
How many ponies were witness to Twilight lying on her back with her tail splayed out to the open door, however, was a number that would forever remain unknown.
“You feeling okay, Twilight?” Applejack went over to Twilight, putting a hoof on her friend’s chin and raising it. “You look more out of it than a candle in a tornado.” Twilight huffed silently, but Applejack brought herself closer to her and sat down next to her. “Boy trouble, then.” Twilight’s head shot up quickly, her mouth agape, but the solid pony just grinned it away. “I know, I know. Just needed you to stop treating your floor like the Pony Lisa. Now come on, Twi, let me be an ear to your woes. How're things with you and Cheerilee?”
Twilight opened her mouth, her words struggling just short of her mouth. “I don’t even know where to begin, though.”
Applejack nudged her friend. “Just start at the beginning, then. I came over to meet up before Pinkie’s party, I got time.” She rubbed the back of her neck, her eyes training towards the ceiling, “And to ask for some help dealin’ with… well, nevermind about that. Come on, now, tell me what’s wrong.”
Twilight sighed. “Well, I met Scarlet Letter…” Applejack winced at the name but didn’t say a word. Shifting her weight, Applejack made herself comfortable. She knew the beginning of a long story when she heard it.
“So that’s how she met your mother,” Rarity nodded, placing a gentle hoof on Cheerilee’s. Cheerilee sipped her tea as she digested the information. “I expected a much better ending for something that carried on so long, but not every great story can have a satisfying ending,” Rarity sighed, placing her free hoof over her forehead. “Celestia knows I’d prefer an alternate ending to the whole night.”
Cherilee looked up and smiled. “And that would be?”
Rarity smiled, “Something that ended with myself and Fancy Pants under the stars, of course. He may be a much older stallion than what I’m used to, but the way he can treat any mare—” Cheerilee coughed, cutting off Rarity as she scrambled for a hoofkercheif. “Oh, that’s right, he’s practically your father.”
“I wouldn’t say father,” Cheerilee relented, wiping her muzzle thoroughly. Satisfied with a clean mouth, she cleared her throat a moment before responding. “Closer to uncle, really. Like the fun uncle you hear about.”
“What I wouldn’t give to be that close to him.” Rarity swooned, much to Cheerilee’s dismay. Inwardly, the schoolteacher was balking at the similarities Rarity often shared with her mother. “My my, even though it was only yesterday we spoke, it feels like eons since I saw him last.”
"You know Rarity, I don't think you'd want him to be your uncle," she teased. "Unless I guess if you hailed from Alabamare..." Somewhere, Princess Luna sent some pun-based villain to the moon. Rarity looked white with shock. And white in general.
"How dare!" she gasped, causing Cheerilee to giggle despite herself. Rarity cuffed her lightly, her mouth curled in a reluctant smile. "Ugh, I say I'll not live that one down for an eternity."
Cheerilee nodded. “Anything dealing with my mother feels like an eternity.” The two ponies sat center in Rarity’s main living space, up the stairs from the categorized clutter of the Boutique. The two had attempted to discuss a somewhat formal dress for Pinkie’s party, but they soon dissolved into irrepressible gossip. “I’m truly sorry you had to deal with her again, as well.” Rarity looked to the side, her face stretched slightly as she let loose a high-pitched laugh. Cheerilee raised an eyebrow. “Mm?”
“Well, about your mother… she seems to be in very good graces with Fancy Pants, and, um… Well, I must confess, Cheerilee, but I’ve been rather unfriendly to your mother, for, well, what she’s done to you over the years, but…” Rarity sighed. “It’s not good… business sense, to continue such an unmentioned blacklist of her. She was, after all, my very first commission.”
Cheerilee nearly choked on her tea. In case you missed it, Rarity made tea. It seemed right for their conversion, and Cheerilee couldn't tell you when she got the cup. Only that she was apparently very bad at drinking it. Rarity’s magic was quick with the napkin, and she made a valiant effort to tap Cheerilee on the back.
Nothing hard or particularly helpful, mind, but her hoof certainly did make contact with the base of Cheerilee’s mane. “I’m fine,” Cheerilee sputtered into a napkin, “I’m fine, I just… I didn’t know she was your first commission.”
Rarity exhaled longingly through her nose, nodding for a while in silence. “She practically saved my first month being open. Opening such a place like this in Ponyville is… risky, darling. Most of our community opts to go without clothes, which I understand is part of our rustic charm. That said, tailoring outfits, fabulous as they are, well, it didn’t exactly resonate here at first. But your mother… she being of the Canterlot breed, she knew what a good dress was. And she ordered… well, she certainly covered my living situation for the first quarter I was open. By the time I learned about everything she did against you, and so much time had passed since we were a thing… well, she had practically paid my expenses for half a year.” Cheerilee opened her mouth, but Rarity raised a hoof to stop her. “Not that it changes how I feel about what she did, or that I forgive her, or that she is in any way absolved, but…”
Cheerilee didn’t meet Rarity’s gaze. “It makes good business sense. I don’t blame you,” she said, crossing her hooves.
Rarity tried to bite her tongue, but she reached out and put a hoof on Cheerilee’s. “It’s not only that but… she can be a good pony. A harlot who plays too fast and loose with her Celestia-forsaken curves, and no respect of the private lives of others, but…”
Cheerilee lifted her chin, aiming herself towards the door. “I need a dress for the party tonight, Rarity.” Rarity felt her back hit the chair, the force of Cheerilee’s change of conversation physically taking a toll on her. Her hoof hesitantly reached forward, but she withheld it at the last instant. “Something semi-formal? I mean it’s been great catching up but I do… I came here with business foremost in mind, after all. I can’t let us chat until it’s too late, after all.” As Cheerilee headed for the door downstairs, Rarity got up after her.
Placing her hoof on Cheerilee’s shoulder, Rarity made as to turn around Cheerilee so she’d face her. “Now, Cheerilee, I don’t mean to upset you—” However, Cheerilee was more than ready to spin around, and Rarity’s added pull only caused her to lose balance, and the ponies very quickly found themselves bumping their muzzles, staring into each other’s eyes. Rarity felt her mouth run dry, and her jaw dropped open at the same time Cheerilee’s did.
At that moment, Spike burst in through the door and witnessed two ponies nuzzling, with open mouths just millimeters from each other, flushed red – with desire! Spike grabbed at his heart, breathing quick and shallow. “I-i-i-I’m too late!” he exclaimed. Falling to his knees, Spike slammed both of his fists into the ground. Staring up at the ceiling, Spike flung his hands into the air as he screamed in dismay.
“Nooooooooooooooooooo!”
-----
“I didn’t mean to say that,” Twilight put her hoof over her mouth, but Applejack rolled her eyes.
“I didn’t rightly have to hear that. Celestia knows I hear enough of that from Rarity and Rainbow Dash.” Applejack snorted, but she kept up a solid shoulder for Twilight to lean on. “So she stumbled on your little dirty secrets, Twi. Everypony has a couple, even if they are just in their past.”
Twilight blushed slightly at how candidly Applejack talked, but it was one of the things she respected most from her friend. “You too?” she asked.
“Nah, not anymore. I sort of…” Applejack trailed off, looking down at the floor for a moment. “Well, Applebloom nearly found ‘em one time, and after that, I sort of burned them in the barrel the next chance I got. Besides, I ain’t got time for that on the farm, not unless it’s the real thing.”
Twilight looked up at the rings in the wooden trunk that made her ceiling. She would have likely counted them to avoid speaking on the subject if she hadn’t cataloged the number nearly immediately after moving to Ponyville.
The rings on the ceiling were at 87, not counting the rings that made were between the edge of the wall and the outside. The floor had 89, but the last ring sometimes hid inside the wall, and the wall that separated the main library space from the office and kitchen areas were only 60 rings out. Two rings were consumed by the inner wall of the office while, annoyingly, three to four separated the library from the kitchen, making the wall space slightly more uneven between the two rooms.
It had lead to some late-night stubbed hooves. And three separate instances of a dragon running face first into a dividing wall that could have been easily regulated to just a stubbed claw. And exactly one instance of a unicorn pushing a schoolteacher out the door in a rush to save face and then collapsing on to the dividing wall… only to miss completely and end up on her back in the middle of the room.
“The real thing…” Twilight echoed, bringing herself back to reality. Sheepishly, Twilight faced Applejack with pursed lips. “Have you ever, y’know…”
“With a stallion?” Applejack finished her question.
“Or a mare, really.” Twilight put a hoof to her mouth, thinking deeply.
“Shoot, Twilight, I didn’t picture you the gossiping type like Rarity about such things.”
Twilight’s face went as red as Applejack’s cutie mark. “I didn’t mean to gossip! I just thought while we were on the subject I might maybe learn or—” she found herself silenced by Applejack’s raucous guffaw.
“I’m just playin’ with you Twi. ‘Course I have, although only stallions, mind,” Applejack chuckled, bringing a hoof up to her head and scratching at her forehead. “Just… for fun, nothing serious. Kept it safe, too… mostly. I had a lot of excess energy the farm wasn’t burning off when I was a mite bit younger.”
“Oh! Oh, really? I never pictured you as… well, um…” Twilight trailed off, not sure of how to say her next words.
“A mare who knows how to have a little fun? Shoot, Twi, I know it ain’t typical of a gal to go around with her tail in the air, but I’m doin’ what works for me. I wouldn’t expect any of you other gals to do what I’ve done,” Applejack paused, giving Twilight a wink and nudging her with her hip. “Well, except for you. Nopony knows what you library types are like.”
Twilight found herself flushed again, but having Applejack there… She playfully nudged back with a little more force, causing Applejack to nearly go off-balance. “I’m just fine, thank you!”
“Whoa Nelly! Well, looks like you had a little more fire than I thought!” Applejack allowed Twilight to lean on her and wrapped a hoof around her friend. “You mean it?”
Twilight smiled and cocked her head. “Mean what?”
“That you’re fine?” Applejack asked.
Twilight blinked. “I…” she started, looking back towards the stairs that led towards the attic. Sure her smut was there, and it still embarrassed her, but her chest didn’t feel tight. “I think… I think I’m better.” Turning back to Applejack, Twilight’s eyes lit up. Sighing contentedly, Applejack released Twilight and picked herself off the floor. “Not perfect, but… better.”
“See, sometimes it’s good just to let it all out to a friend. Y’all know I’m always willing to lend an ear, even if it’s about girls, books, or… fashion. Just expect an honest answer.” Applejack drew out the word for Rarity’s sake, wherever she was. “So what’s next for you, Twi? Gonna go talk to Cheerilee?”
Twilight sat still, giving her door a wary glance. “I suppose I have to. Should I do it before Pinkie’s party?” Applejack shrugged.
“Not my area of expertise, sugar. I only got me a toy I play with now and then, I ain’t ever had the real deal like you and Cheerilee,” she said. Twilight nodded gratefully, finally bringing herself to her feet and shaking her back legs out, trying to get the pins and needles to stop.
“Do you think you’ll ever have it?”
“What?” Applejack asked, eyebrow raised. “The real deal?” Twilight nodded. Applejack snorted and shook her head. “I dunno, maybe. I’m so busy with the farm and you girls and this whole ‘save Equestria from the newest weekly crisis’ bit. I ain’t… I don’t think I’ll be ready to find a good pony to settle down with anytime soon. None of ‘em seem… good enough, for me. I just hope… I hope I do enough that maybe Big Mac might find a nice pony to settle down with first.” Applejack snickered, rolling her eyes as she added, “Soon as he stops playing with dolls and falling in love with every mare he sees to the point of speechlessness.”
Twilight giggled along with Applejack, and the latter turned to Twilight with a smirk. “I never thought I was one for this sorta girl talk. Rarity always made it seem pretty insufferable. But it’s been a good little chat, Twi.”
“It was. Thank you, Applejack. And for what it’s worth, any pony you give the time of day to for the real deal is in for one of the best ponies a friend could ask for.” This time it was Twilight who pulled her friend in for a hug, and the two friends squeezed hard before letting go. “So, um, before you found me wallowing in my own self-pity, what is it that you wanted, coming by the library like this?”
“Oh!” Applejack’s eyes shot open as she remembered. “I wanted some huckleberries for a pie I was making for Pinkie’s party tonight, but I was plum out. Darndest thing, she just delivered a whole batch to us not two days ago.”
“Why not an apple pie?”
Applejack’s eyes went into half-moons as she stared. “My name might be Apple, my mark might be apples, but I ain’t all about apples, Twi.”
“So Pinkie told you to bring a non-apple pie in case of allergies to apples.”
Applejack opened her mouth to protest but shut it as she was called out. “Okay, yeah, Pinkie asked me. Shoot. I really do like huckleberry pie, though.” She couldn’t help but chuckle a little, and Twilight joined in, the two sharing a moment of just laughter. “I do mean it, by the way,” Applejack finally said, nudging Twilight.
Cocking her head to one side, Twilight shook her head. “Mean what?”
“You and Cheerilee,” she said, Applejack swung her hoof from side to side as if indicating two different points on a line. “You’re the real deal. I didn’t think much of it before, I know the kind of pony Cheerilee used to be, a real chip off the old block, really. But you… I dunno, I’ve never seen her with another mare for so long. Y’all are doin’ good work.”
Twilight’s eyes narrowed slightly, her hooves drawing closer together. “Yeah?” she said.
“Sure enough. Summer flings ain’t exactly unnatural dating habits of teachers, I’d reckon, but Applebloom tells me you two have been together since before summer. Good thing too, all that Discord business meant you had someone to come home and talk to who wasn’t all grey and full’a lies.” Applejack smiled and stretched her back some, Twilight couldn’t help but smile as she thought of Winona.
“Oh, well, we started dating after that.” Twilight stood up and looked at the floor. “Besides, I never felt like I needed to talk about that much. Discord’s a statue again and we’re all friends again. I don’t need to talk to anyone else about it.”
Applejack’s eyebrows rose, and she looked away towards the window. “Shoot, really? I had a good long talk with my family after it all. It helped air some laundry out, set everypony’s mind at ease.” Applejack nodded as if agreeing to her own point. “Communication is important with everypony. You ever tell Cheerilee all about what you told me today?”
“About what? Her mother?”
Applejack nodded. “Yeah, like your feelings on the matter.”
Twilight looked towards Applejack, her lips pursed together. “Of course, I told her I didn’t care about all of that…” Twilight trailed off when she saw Applejack pull a strained face. “What? What’s wrong?”
“Well, I dunno, Cheerilee’s always been antsy about her mother. It’s a real sticky issue, especially after she was with the high-falootin’ unicorn girlfriend a’ hers,” Applejack shrugged her shoulders. “I ain’t a master of advice, Twi, but if I was in Cheerilee’s position, I wouldn’t be sure I’d want to hear that you just wrote off her mother. It’s still her mother, Twi.”
Twilight chewed her lip. There was so much to this whole situation that she still didn’t understand, could she have been making things worse this whole time? Did Cheerilee still think Scarlet would sweep her off her feet? How absurd! “But I don’t..."
Applejack raised up a hoof. “Don’t need to tell me, sugarcube. You know I’m in your corner.” Playfully, Applejack reached out her hoof and pushed against Twilight’s shoulder. “Now come on, Twilight. A relationship is just a bigger, deeper friendship, and you were put here to learn it. We all have made mistakes in bein’ friends with each other, and we’re all still together. So go out there and mend things already.”
Twilight giggled despite herself, drawing up close to Applejack for another hug. “For a pony who undersells the quality of her advice, you sure do give it soundly.”
Applejack chuckled, parting the hug and heading towards the door. “If the quality of my advice is undersold, then think of just how good my apples are then. Best in Equestria,” she said. Stopping short of the door, Applejack raised her hoof and hit herself in the head. “Oh my stars, I nearly forgot the entire reason I came over here!”
Twilight perked up and tilted her head to the side. “The huckleberries?”
“Mmhm. Got any?”
“Sure thing, Applejack, they’re in the kitchen,” Twilight motioned idly. With a quick thank you, Applejack retrieved the berries and asked if she could borrow a saddlebag that would keep them from being crushed. “Of course, I’m surprised you didn’t bring one yourself.”
“I would have, Twi, but unfortunately Big Mac’s on a run today and he took all our more mashable goods with him in our bags, so I ain’t got any suited for carryin’ berries without staining everything from here to the farm. Those kinda stains take weeks to get outta your coat.” Applejack said, putting a hoof up to her mouth. “Oh my, Applejack, you simply mustn’t bring your downhome pies anywhere near my dresses!You’ll simply ruin them!”
Twilight raised her eyebrow. “That was a surprisingly good Rarity.”
“I hear it enough.”
Twilight smiled and asked another question, “Can you do any of our other friends? How about Rainbow Dash?”
“Dash? That raspy retching she calls a voice could never come outta me.” Applejack laughed, lazily adding on that she didn’t have anything against Dash’s voice, she just couldn’t ever pull off an impression like that. Thanking Twilight for the berries, Applejack made as if to leave the Library, but noticed Twilight gearing up to leave as well. “Twilight?”
“Oh, I hope you don’t mind me tagging along, do you? I... I’m done trying to be alone today. Is that alright?” she asked, gingerly rubbing her forehoof. Applejack nodded, beckoning her to her side.
“Well, of course it is. Come on, we can talk about the party while we walk. You know the pony we’re supposed to be welcoming?” Twilight shook her head. Applejack shrugged as they walked across the threshold. “I suppose it could be anyone.”
As the two ponies walked outside, Twilight closed the door with her magic before turning to see a very leggy unicorn heading in their direction.
-----
"Spike, please–" Cheerilee breathed, but the dragon was having none of it.
"I knew it! You'd go running back to Rarity the first chance you had!" Spike screamed. He clawed at his eyes, whining loudly into the sky. "Poor Twilight!" He said, actually meaning, of course, Poor Spike, but he'll grow out of it sooner or later.
Rarity huffed, almost dropping Cheerilee to the ground. "Spike, do you really think I would do anything to harm Twilight?" She helped Cheerilee to her feet, and turned on the dragon, her eyebrow raised.
"Oh, poor Rarity. Beautiful Rarity. You can't help it." Taking her hoof in his claw, he patted it pityingly. "It's in your generous nature not to deny the advances of your suitors. That's why I never want to push myself on you." Turning around, Spike shook his head. "But I can't believe I was too late to stop this."
Cheerilee put her hoof on her head, shaking it. "There's nothing to stop, Spike, you've just got the wrong idea!" Looking up, she was met with the sight of... just Rarity.
"Sorry dear, he left the room before you said a word." Cheerilee groaned, but Rarity helped lead her down the stairs. "But don't mind him. Poor Spikey has a penchant for this sort of thing, Twilight will surely set him straight before long."
Cheerilee nodded numbly, trying to parse together how the intervening time would go. However, Rarity at least lead her to the Boutique proper and quickly set about taking Cheerilee's measurements. However, she stopped rather suddenly and disappeared behind a rack of dresses. "Rarity?" Cheerilee called, watching the bob of Rarity's mane bounce between the various metal bars holding the hangers. "Don't you need to take my haunch and shoulders?" She was only guessing, of course. Cheerilee didn't know the first thing about dresses, nor the art of one.
"To be honest, Cheerilee," Rarity began, peeking out slowly between a couple of her works. "I only needed a few to see if they were the same as I remembered. You've... kept things together over the years," she said, her cheeks a flush red. "I have some dresses that'll fit you perfectly as-is. No tailoring needed."
Cheerilee's eyes bulged. "But I never got measured for a dress before–" Perhaps, Rarity meant that she had the measurements from Cherry Blossom, or even that Cheerilee somehow held the same physique as her mother. Of course, that wasn't the case, because Rarity remembered every curve of her flank from practical experience. And Cheerilee knew that. Eventually. It's why her fuschia face became Big Mac red, after all. "Ah."
"Found it~" Rarity sang, poping a dress of its home and bringing it around for Cheerilee to see. "I was going to grab a couple for you to choose from, but what can I say, this is all you'll need." The dress in question was an almost black color, the type of darkness you'd get at the center of smashing a huckleberry against a plain white fabric. Alongside the bottom fringe, various rectangular outlines stuck out almost like constellations, but only just. "I took some inspiration from a very awful dress I made, but then I... Well, it's a long story, and we're running low on time."
"You know?" Cheerilee asked, nigh breathless from the dress.
"Pinkie's, yes? I don't usually wear a dress to her affairs, but it's strange, I feel like this is going to be one of the times I feel like it would be necessary." Rarity tapped a hoof to her chin, but eventually just shook her head and looked back to Cheerilee. "Do you like it?"
"I love it!" Cheerilee beamed, rubbing her face against the soft fabric. "Do you mind if I...?"
Rarity nodded. "Better now than the last time you came here to try on dresses. Oh Cheerilee, I was so confused that day."
Cheerilee grimaced. "I do wish everypony wouldn't try to remind me every chance they got," she said, earning her a rather pitying look from her ex. "I'm sorry if I never apologized for the... incident."
Rarity laughed, shooing away the sentiment with a hoof. "If anypony is to blame it's that scamp, Sweetie Belle. My little sister still hasn't worked off her chores from that little incident."
Despite her best attempts, Cheerilee allowed her to smile. "Thank you, Rarity."
Cheerilee looked towards the door, and back to her friend. "But what about Spike?" However, she didn't get an answer as Rarity pushed the both of them and a whole rack of dresses into the back.
"He'll be fine. It's my job to make sure you look fine!" Rarity said, taking up Cheerilee's dress in her magic and approaching her slowly. "When I'm done with you, this party we're going to will soon be about you!"
"What? Why? No– No Rarity! Stop! Rarity! Raaaaaaaaaarrriiiiityyyyyyy!"
“Wait, so, Twilight isn’t a lesbian?” Cheerilee’s head snapped up, staring down hard at Rarity. Shrugging, Rarity shook her head with added luster to drive the point home. “How does that even- Ouch!” Recoiling from Rarity’s hooves, the dressmaker huffed as she pulled at the strings of Cheerilee’s new gown. “How does that work?”
Huffing, Rarity rolled her eyes. “Twilight isn’t like most ponies, Cheerilee. Really, I’m surprised you two haven’t ever talked– No,” Rarity stopped herself, closing her eyes tight. “No, of course you haven’t.” Circling Cheerilee, Rarity surveyed her ex with vigor, looking over every last part of the dress. It was, of course, perfect. “Twilight’s more of a… bibliosexual? Goodness, look at me saying such risque words. I mean, I’m sure she prefers mares like you or me…” she trailed, putting her hoof to her chin. “Sometimes me, but honestly I can’t seem to think of any crush between now and when I first met her that didn’t have to do with books or smarts.”
Cheerilee kicked around the idea in her head. Somehow news of her marefriend’s actual preferences both surprised her and seemed obvious in retrospect. “And you’re sure about that?”
Rarity opened her mouth but stopped short. Tapping her chin a bit more thoroughly, she nodded. “I can’t say with one hundred percent certainty, of course, without getting it straight from the pony’s mouth, but I’m rarely wrong about these kinds of things.”
Of that, Cheerilee felt she could be sure. Looking to her side and towards the mirror on the other side of the room, she felt her breath get caught in her throat. “Oh my,” she gasped, her eyes trailing her dress up and down. It looked amazing before, but on her? The dress seemed to treat her natural coat color as just an extension of the twilight sky, and with the constellations playing at the edges of her feet, she felt a hot rush of emotion play with her eyes. “Did you–”
“I had no idea about you two until very recently, Cheerilee. The fact I made this dress for you without even–,” she stopped herself, smiling. “Well, I guess it’s one of those things that’s just meant to be. Oh, how romantic!” Rarity swooned, falling gently on to the chaise lounge in the corner of her room. “And to think, I get to be in the middle of it!”
Cheerilee’s hoof traced against the fabric, her eyes never leaving the mirror. “I could get married in this,” she said under her breath. Surely, if Rarity could have heard her, she’d have simultaneously exploded with glee and righteous fury. There would be no way Cheerilee would get married in anything less than her best work. Emphasis on the her. As in Rarity. Because any pony who would dare take that from her would then be mysteriously missing by sundown. Mrs. Cake knew better when her mother tried to pass down her dress for her wedding and suddenly found the dress returned to its most primal state in the bushes by Sugar Cube Corner in the morning.
Rarity would neither confirm nor deny any involvement. Interestingly, Mrs. Cake’s mother turns an alabaster shade of white whenever somepony brings it up.
Back on her hooves, Rarity brought Cheerilee back around front and towards the counter. “Now Cheerilee, I should think you’d understand that this dress is free of charge, as a way of apology from moi.” There was a certain finality in the way she said /mwä/ that Cheerilee knew she had no way of convincing her otherwise. In fact, she had no idea what Rarity was trying to apologize for, but any attempt at opening her mouth was filled with Rarity’s sing-song voice cutting her off here and there. Truly, there was no edge-wise for her words to go. “Now, the dress’s lining is enchanted, of course, so don’t worry about the fabric getting dirty by brushing against the ground on your way to Sugar Cube Corner. It’s meant to glide across the ground.”
Cheerilee looked down and raised a hoof, raising the dress with it. “How does…?”
“Magic, darling.” Rarity giggled to herself, but then her horn sparked a brilliant blue, not unlike the color of her cutie mark. “It’s a spell I cast on almost all my dresses,” she coughed, leaving time for Cheerilee to wonder why almost wasn’t all. “One of the very first I learned and the only spell I’ve learned under protest.” At that, Rarity was covered in a slight aura and weightlessly was pulled from one side of the counter to the other by what looked to be by her horn. “When I got my cutie mark, my horn dragged me across Equestria itself to take me to the most beautiful jewels I’d ever seen.”
Cheerilee’s eyes sparked with recognition. “The school play!” Cheerilee remembered the costumes, shining brilliantly as all the little ponies sang. She sniffed loudly, recalling it being the last year she was in Ponyville before moving to Canterlot. “Thank you, Rarity. This means…. So much.”
“Pish posh, Cheerilee. It’s about time you’ve received a proper dress from me.” Hugging her close, Rarity gave one little extra squeeze around her shoulders as she let go. “I think you two are going to go far, Cheerilee. I really do.”
Cheerilee grinned. “I hope so. Twilight is just… something special.”
-----
“So you’re Cheerilee’s new belle.” Fleur looked the unicorn up and down. Very… purple. “I expected something a little more special.”
“Excuse me?” Applejack stepped forward, a scowl plastered on her face. “Y’wanna walk that back a little, stranger?”
Twilight put her hoof on Applejack’s haunch, moving to put herself between the Earth pony and the leggy unicorn. “That’s okay Applejack, I’m not exactly a…” she trailed off, mirroring Fleur’s gaze with her own. “A model. You know Cheerilee?” Twilight’s tone didn’t suggest that this was a question, but it was a damn sight more pleasant than whatever had dripped out of the Canterlot Elite’s mouth.
“Mm, of course,” Fleur said. “We met briefly at the Garden Party. You were the one wearing that… mn, rustic dress. I can see now what Fancy Pants meant by that.” She smiled. Twilight withered a little. “He’s a very kind pony.”
Applejack grunted. “How’d you come to know Twilight here was Cheerilee’s marefriend?” she asked, repositioning herself so Twilight’s hoof was off her.
Fleur’s face stretched in a way that looked like she was choking on something. Kind of like the face you’d make when you were really bad at eating sandwiches when people said risque things and you had delicate Canterlot sensibilities. “News… travels fast of Equestria’s heroes and their significant others,” she said, turning her attention to Applejack. “She may not be a model but she’s got such a unique mark. Hard not to place it among that found on some of Canterlot Castle’s newest stained glass panes.”
Twilight’s eye twitched. It was a well-practiced way of not answering a question enough to feign ignorance, but enough of one to avoid being rude. Yet, Twilight perked up, her ears following her demeanor. “You’ve been to the Stained Glass halls at Canterlot?” she asked.
“Yes,” Fleur beamed. “Of course, an elite like I have been invited to many events at the castle. Why, not a week ago I strolled the halls with Princess Celestia herself with my companion.” Fleur had taken to posing against a nearby lantern, regaling all those who would look and listen to her. Her dress, still draped on her loosely, was like a sash around her body. Twilight definitely wasn’t wishing that it would fall and dirty itself on the ground. Applejack was, though. “It’s because of that meeting that I’ve made my way out here to Ponyville.”
“Now is that why?” Applejack asked, although her tone didn’t match it. “Princess Celestia asked you to come all the way out here?”
Fleur placed a hoof near her mouth in contemplation. Twilight and Applejack traded glances. Yeah, they knew exactly what it is they wanted to say. Something along the lines of fleur not hurting herself by using her brain so much. Something mean. Unfriendly, really. Probably why they didn’t say it. Yep. Such nice ponies. “I wouldn’t go that far. But I know how my beau gets when he’s off on his little excursions.” Releasing herself from the lantern and back on to all four hooves, Fleur approached the two. “The right word here and there and he’s off investing all our hard-earned bits in some latest thing. He does need me to save him from himself, sometimes.”
Twilight’s eyebrow furrowed. That sounded like somepony familiar. However, before she had anything else to say, Fleur motioned toward the library. “So, Twilight Sparkle. I was hoping to use the library here to help myself to something to read and perhaps change into my stunning new dress? Do you mind…?”
Looking back and forward, Twilight’s heart started to sink. Applejack frowned. “I mean, I-i-I guess not.” Twilight fancied herself a librarian, sure, but to be honest, she was never actually made the local librarian for the Golden Oaks. She wasn’t sure how she managed to make that her home and provide service to the community. “Do you need me to…?”
Fleur laughed lightly, dismissing the question, “Oh, of course not! You can run off with your little friend here, I won’t disturb your plans!”
Applejack’s frown had turned into a grimace by now. Granny Smith would have likely said it’d be stuck that way. In Applejack’s current mood, she might have snapped back with something like, ‘What, like yours?’ But that would be mean. These are nice ponies. Very nice. And knew when to bite their tongue. Hard, sometimes. “I suppose we’ll be off then, huh Twilight?”
“What? Oh, well, yeah. Yes. I guess so.” Twilight looked back at the library one last time, then back to Fleur. She didn’t take her for a reader. With a glow of her horn, Twilight opened the front door for Fleur and smiled. “Don’t let us keep you. There’s a party at Sugar Cube Corner, if you’re interested.” Twilight had considered not telling her, but the more they spoke, the more she came to realize that the likelihood of Pinkie Pie holding a welcoming party for the pony in front of her was likely.
“Ah, yes,” Fleur said, looking towards the direction of whence she came. “I suppose anypony who is anypony in this podunk little village would be there, wouldn’t you say?”
Applejack huffed through her nose. “Podunk! Why I—”
“Yes!” Twilight cut her off, smiling disarmingly. “We have a lot of important ponies come through here. You never know who might show up.”
“Mm.” Fleur had already started walking away, which only managed to anger Applejack further. But, with some soft reassurances from Twilight, the pair started to make their way back to Sweet Apple Acres.
“Horseapples! I can’t see why anypony would want to be around other ponies like that,” Applejack spat. “I had hard near enough of that with the Oranges in Manehatten, but those Canterlot ponies are just cut differently.”
Twilight smiled, craning her neck and gently rubbing Applejack’s side. “You know, I’m a Canterlot pony, right?”
Applejack scoffed, blowing air hard out her nose. “‘Course I knew that, Twi.” She eyed her friend up and down, her face softening. “‘Course, I also don’t have to be your friend to know that. Y’all do grow a bit different out there. Knew from the moment I saw ya.”
Twilight’s turn from friendly closeness to a soft jab against Applejack’s shoulder was sudden and swift. With a loud guffaw, Applejack trotted ahead to put some distance from her and her unicorn friend. “Take a joke just like the rest o’ those city ponies, too!”
“Get back here AJ!” Twilight called, breaking into a run. “Say that to my face, you country bumpkin!”
Hey there. I'm really sorry to exploit the new chapter instead of a blog post, but looking at the chapter views vs blog post views made me want to get this out for everyone still reading.
I scrapped my outline and my written chapters. I didn't like them and more importantly, I lost the voice if the characters, especially Twilight, who didn't feel like herself anymore. So I've kept the same basic... Ideas, for how to end the fic, but it's all being done over again. I especially killed off a completely inane subplot featuring Dash and Flutters that was there because they was the only ones we hadn't really seen yet, but otherwise it went nowhere. Also, I didn't really laugh much.
Usually when I update the story, it still trends in the feature box, so I'm trying not to hurt anyone by updating in the middle of the night.
As for why it's taken me so long to get back you guys... I got sick. Very, very sick. That's all I'm willing to share but I'm doing much better now and I'm almost 100% again, which is exciting.
Also I have a new member of my family, and she's the cutest little puppy. Also she goes to the bathroom everywhere. It's... A process.
New chapter... When I can. My work schedule has changed dramatically so I have more time off.
