Sweetie Belle released her pent up breath as she watched the clock tick past midnight. Glancing over to the bed behind her, she could see both Celestia and Luna lying back, soundly sleep. One final burst of flames erupted from Philomena’s cage and the Phoenix appeared back on its perch with a squawk.
Sweetie Belle lit her horn and a book sitting open on her desk floated over to her side. With a flick of her horn, Sweetie Belle flipped the pages to the sleeping spell she had used the night-- or should it be loop? – before.
After skimming the spell to refresh her memory, Sweetie Belle tossed the book aside and prepared to cast the spell in reverse. As the little Unicorn concentrated, her magic slowly enveloped the sleeping Alicorns.
At length, they began to stir. Celestia’s eyes fluttered open and, with a gasp and a high pitched holler, she shot up into a sitting position. Sweetie Belle emitted a high pitched eep and was thrown back onto her flanks from fright.
With a groan, Princess Luna stirred. “Sister… do you have to do that every time you wake up…”
“Luna, enough of your joking, it is time we got up. I believe we have arrived.” She turned to the slightly dazed unicorn sitting at the base of the bed. “Sweetie Belle, did it work?”
Sweetie Belle stopped rubbing her head momentarily, got back to her hooves and looked to Celestia. “Y-yes Princess,” replied the little filly, unsure at first but quickly gaining enthusiasm, her little voice cracking in pitch as she spoke. “It is now, once again, Monday, 12th of October 1153.”
“Wonderful!” Celestia leaped out of the bed, which gave a heavy groan after being relieved of at least some of the weight of two rather large Alicorn princesses, both clad in their heavy royal regalia and one particularly fond of cake. “Come one Luna, it is time to go! We have much we must do.”
Luna simply groaned and rolled over, bunching the bedding up around her form. “Just five more hours…”
“Come on Luna, you cannot sleep in Miss Belle’s bed forever.” And with that, Celestia grabbed the side of the mattress in her magic and gave it a firm yank. Luna’s eyes shot open as she felt her world almost turn upside down. She found herself floating in the air momentarily before she came crashing down on the hardwood floor beside Sweetie Belle’s bed, the bedding lying on and round her in a tangled mess.
“I will be awaiting you downstairs.” Celestia turned and trotted swiftly though the open door. To this, Luna simply responded with a groan and then turned over to go back to sleep.
After witnessing this, Sweetie Belle just shook herself and followed after Celestia.
Princess Luna dragged herself into the kitchen, muffling a yawn with her hoof whilst the other ran itself through her dishevelled mane. She paused at the door, glancing around the room before spotting her sister sitting at the table, sipping tea with Rarity. In front of both of them was a tray covered in crumbs and what seemed like the remnants of some kind of scone.
Celestia noticed her as she sipped her tea and waved. “Good morning sister,” she said, “I trust you have slept well?”
“Ugh,” a groan was Luna’s only response as she unceremoniously sat herself down at the table, “Coffee…” Moments later her head met with the table with a loud smack, much to Rarity’s shock, causing the entire table to shudder and rattle. Rarity had just been able to save her tea whilst Celestia’s still hung safely in her magical grip.
Celestia sipped her tea and set it back down, “Do forgive my sister’s behaviour. She is not that much of a morning pony.”
“Oh, it’s perfectly understandable, Princess. Why I myself am none too pleasant to be around early in the mornings, especially before my morning cup.”
“Now, I understand she wants some coffee?” said Rarity as she lit her horn and the pot of coffee sitting on the counter behind her took flight. A cupboard opened and a mug floated out to join the coffee pot and the two floated over to the table. “Will she have any milk and sugar?”
Celestia shook her head. “She’ll have it black, no sugar.”
Rarity nodded, poured the coffee out, and set the mug on the table in front of Luna. Whilst Rarity focused on returning the pot back to its home on the counter, Luna stretched out with her hoof searching for the mug. She patted around the table a few times before Celestia gave the mug a small nudge, putting it within Luna’s reach.
Luna quickly took the mug in her hoof, and sitting back, she began to slug it in heavy gulps. But, not even half way through, she broke into a fit of splutters. “WHAT IS THIS THILTH THAT MINE ROYAL PALATE DOTH OFFEND; WE SHALL HAVE THE HEAD OF THE VILE, VILLAINOUS” —
“LUNA!” Exclaimed Celestia, “It’s just coffee.”
— “WHO WOULD DARE TO POIS—” Princess Luna halted her tirade and gave a long stare into the mug. “So it is.” She took another gulp and set the empty mug down.
“Well,” Rarity pushed her chair back and made a move to get up, “I must really go; it’s been nice speaking with you, Princess, but I really have to get back to my work”
“Of course,” Celestia inclined her head, “And thank you very much for your hospitality.”
“It’s a pleasure, it is the least I can do for the Princesses, and you are welcome to stay for as long as you like.” And with that, Rarity took her leave and trotted back out to return to her sewing.
“Right,” Celestia clapped her hooves together, “Now let’s get down to business. We have a stable, week long time loop. We can do whatever we want and anything we want. The only question is what do we do first?” She looked to Luna.
“Hm…” Luna sat back in thought for a moment. At length a devilish grin appeared on her face. “What if we prank ourselves?”
“Hm…" Celestia gave her unconvinced face. "Go on.”
“Well, we could take all the cakes from your vault and put them in your bedroom.”
Celestia still looked unconvinced.
“Here's the important part; we do it during the night, whilst the Celestia from this loop is asleep so that when she wakes up she notices the cakes.”
“And then what?”
“Well what would you do if you suddenly found your room full of cake?”
“I’d probably—” Celestia’s eyes widened, realization dawning on her, and a wide smile spread across her face. “Oh, this is good. We can use that. But we'll need a third member to pull it off.”
“Moon-Butt, this is Sun-Butt. I am in position, I repeat, I am in position,” Princess Celestia whispered into her communicator as she dangled from the roof of her bedroom clad in a black wetsuit and harness. She scratched behind her ear and adjusted the strap on her night vision goggles whilst she waited for a response.
Luna was standing near the edge of an open hole in the roof, the moonlight illuminating her from behind. Through the hole her room was just visible below in the dark. Celestia’s voice sounded in her ear. “Hold on” Luna replied. "We have to wait for Bells"
“Well, tell her to hurry up then! This wetsuit is starting to chafe.” Celestia wriggled slightly on the end of her tether, the wetsuit squeaking profusely as she struggled to get into a more comfortable position.
Luna paused for a moment to affix her harness before switching frequencies and talking again. “Bells, are we ready to proceed?”
“Almost.” Sweetie Belle was standing with her back against the wall, her saddlebags hanging at her side. Around the corner from her was a massive steel door with the words Celestia’s Personal Pantry plastered across the wall above it. “I’ve just run into some, complications.” She peeked around the corner. There were two royal guards stationed at the entrance to the vault. “It’s guarded.”
“Can you tell me anything about them?”
“Uh, yes, there are two royal guards. It looks like they’re both unicorns, and they’re just standing there in front of the vault. Do you know any way I can get past them?”
“Why not do the same you did to get past the other guards?”
Sweetie Belle frowned and her muzzle scrunched up. “But there haven’t been any other guards until now. The whole place was deserted.”
“Really?” Luna turned around and looked over the rest of the castle and indeed there were no guards visible, neither along the defensive wall, at the parapets, nor through the windows on the inside. I’ll have to make a note of that.
“Ok, you are going to have to try and distract them, lure them away from the vault. Once you’re there Sun-butt can talk you through opening it.”
“I still don’t understand why I have to be the one to open the vault; wouldn’t it be easier to have Celes- Sun-Butt do it?”
“Believe me you’re much safer all the way over there. You do not want to see us when we wake up.”
“Righ- wait, I’ve already-“
Luna cut off Sweetie Belle, “Sorry, got to go,” and leapt from the edge and swung down into her bedroom.
Sweetie Belle sighed and peeked around the corner again. She checked if the guards were still in the same place. They were. Ok, so I need some way to distract them. She tapped her chin with a hoof as she thought for a moment. Then an idea hit her as she remembered something Pinkie had told her in a previous loop.
“Of course, nopony can resist a good Heart Song. They’ll be forced to sing with me and I can lead them away.” Sweetie Belle removed her saddlebags and placed them against the wall where she can pick them up again later. She took a moment to compose herself, took a deep breath and, as she leaped out from behind the corner, let loose the first line.
“I just wanna make everypony smile; smile; smile!” She hollered at the top of her lungs all whilst wearing the widest, most sincere smile she could muster. She dashed over to the two guards and put her arms around them all without breaking step. She was just about to start the second line when she noticed they were quivering in their shoes. “Uh...”
One of the guard’s faces turned blue before letting out his breath and a loud reverberating “D’AAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWW!” He fell backwards, hit his head on the wall, and lay unconscious. Soon after, the other guard crumple to the ground emitting a low rumbling “Hnnnnnnnnnnng.”
Sweetie Belle just stood there, staring at them dumbfounded, before a voice on her communicator brought her back. It was Luna, “What was that? Did you get them?”
“Uh...” Sweetie Belle glanced around at the incapacitated guards. “Yes.”
“Good. I’m putting you through to Sun-Butt.”
Sweetie Belle nodded and waited. Her communicator buzzed for a moment and she heard Celestia’s voice on the other end. “Yes, Bells, are you at the vault?” Celestia was hanging just above her sleeping self, a permanent marker floating inches from her face.
“Yes, I just need instructions on how to open it.”
“Okay.” She placed the permanent marker back on her belt and swung clear of the bed. “Do you see any holes in the door?”
“Yes, there’s one in the middle, just high enough for me to reach.” Sweetie Belle traced around the hole with a hoof.
“Good, what we’re going to do is trick the door into thinking you’re me. How good are you at casting intermediate spells?”
“I’m fairly ok at it, not great.”
“Right, well you’re going to have to cast a Waterjet spell. Put your horn into that hole and make sure you cast the spell to fill it up. The water will confuse the enchantments on the door.”
“And then what?”
“Keep your horn in place and think about bananas.”
“Uh, why bananas?”
“Because I always think about bananas.”
“Uh, ok?” Sweetie Belle looked around her for something to stand on and not finding anything she settled for dragging one of the guards over and climbing up on top of him. She balanced precariously on his upturned flank and slid her horn into the hole. She felt a slight buzzing sensation but ignored it as she focused on casting her spell.
A gush of water erupted from the hole almost knocking Sweetie Belle over. She held steady and pushed her horn back all the way into the hole. Sweetie’s face and mane were drenched as water continued to flow from the hole and a puddle quickly formed on the ground around her.
Ok, bananas, I have to think about bananas. Uh, they’re yellow. They taste great with syrup, they’re high in sodium- wait no it’s potassium. They grow in bundles and they’re shaped like- like- Sweetie Belle’s thoughts were cut off as the doors gave a shudder and began to separate. Sweetie Belle removed her horn from the door and watched as they opened. Her eyes widened and her jaw dropped as she took in the magnitude of what she was looking at. “Oh my Celestia...”
Sweetie Belle stepped through the doorway into the cake vault. She felt a sudden chill as she passed the entrance into the refrigerated chamber and Sweetie Belle’s breath created a small puff of mist in front of her. “I- I can’t believe Star Swirl ate all of this.”
The inside seemed much larger than it was from the outside, almost impossibly so. There were hundreds, possibly even thousands of cakes suspended in midair, floating peacefully in little silvery bubbles around the room. The room was brightly illuminated from above by several lanterns placed at intervals along the walls and in their light sat yet more cakes, neatly packed along shelves against the walls. But that was not all. Hundreds of cupcakes and other small delicacies lay scattered haphazardly across the floor leaving just a small path around the chamber.
But none of that could compare to what sat in the centre of the chamber, a three story tall wedding cake with alternating layers white with miniature bananas and the dark blue with little moons. At the top of it sat two little figures. One was an Alicorn, although Sweetie Belle didn’t recognise it as any of the princesses, the other looked like a regular earth pony. They were both standing in front of what looked like a box of some kind. It looked to Sweetie Belle like that outhouse she saw at Apple Bloom’s farm. Well, it would, if they decided to paint it blue.
“Bells, are you there?” Celestia’s voice crackled over the communicator giving Sweetie Belle a jump. She wobbled on her hooves for a moment trying not to fall in the cupcakes before righting herself and responding.
“Yeah, I’m here.” She paused for a moment before adding “And I’m in the vault.”
“Great. Now get a move on with step two. We have to get this done before I wake up.”
“Okay.” Sweetie Belle dashed back to her hiding place around the corner and picked up her saddlebags. She flipped open the top pocket and reached a hoof inside, feeling around inside. One, two, three… Yup, they’re all here. She pulled out a crystal ball, roughly the size of a large apple and slung her saddlebags, with the rest inside, over her back then headed back into the vault. Just inside the entrance she let the first ball drop among the cakes before moving on.
Sweetie Belle trotted quickly around the chamber, careful not to step on any cakes, dropping another ball every couple steps. Upon reaching the entrance again she pulled out the last ball and tossed it as hard as she could into the wedding cake. It landed with a plop about half way up and sunk deep into the thick icing.
Sweetie Belle stepped back out of the vault and called up Celestia. “Ok, they’re in place.”
“Great then come up here and rendezvous with Luna. You won’t want to miss this.” Celesia turned her attention to the task at hoof. With the crystal balls in place and a simple spell she can port as many cakes as she likes from the vault directly here. Fumbling with the cables and bungee cords, Celestia managed to turn herself around to look for her starting point. She eventually decided the perfect place would be the dresser.
Focusing her energy, Celestia began to cast the spell. For a short while there was nothing more than the faint glow of Celestia’s horn. Then, Celestia felt it, the faint tingling at the base of her horn. Shortly after that a multicoloured beam shot forth from her horn and bathed the dresser in front of her in light. With a faint pop, cupcakes and other confectionaries began to appear all over the dresser’s surface. Struggling to keep on target and manage her harness cords, Celestia slowly rotated around, painting a path of cake across the floor.
She was careful to avoid the bed and had almost half the room covered when she was interrupted by a loud chewing sound over the communicator. “Uh, Luna, what is that?”
“Fmom’f mhind me shisher, is noffin.”
Celestia’s expression grew more concerned. “Are you in your room!?”
Luna swallowed hard and answered. “No, maybe, yes. It was just a quick detour; I just had to pick something up.”
“Luna, you’re supposed to be the lookout. You have to get back to position!”
“Don’t’ worry, we’re good. I’m not scheduled to come back from my nightly rounds until 4 AM anyway.”
“Luna, that’s now!”
“Wha-“
“WHO DAREST INTRUDE INTO MINE ROYAL BED CHAM-” Princess Luna stopped mid sentence as she caught a glimpse of the pony she had caught crouching behind her bed with several Moon cakes floating in her aura. She stood stock still, her jaw hanging low and her face expressionless as she failed to comprehend what she was witnessing.
The two sat in silence for a time just looking at each other. Princess Luna glanced over to the discarded, empty box of moon cakes then back up at the familiar Alicorn that was the obvious culprit.
“Luna! What was tha...” Celestia’s voice fell on deaf ears as Luna removed her communicator and looked up at herself.
With as warm a smile as she could muster she started. “H- hi, I can expl-”
“CHANGELING!” Luna interrupted herself and pointed an accusing hoof at her. She stomped backwards and flared her wings as she continued. “GUARDS! SOUND THE ALARM! WE HAVE BEEN INFULTRATED BY DEVIOUS CHANGELINGS!”
Celestia facehoofed when she heard the alarm bells begin to ring and the clatter of hooves as the usual contingent of guards rushed to her bedroom. Five, four, three, two- Princess Celestia sat bolt upright and began her morning ritual of screaming at the top of her lungs.
Both princesses were sitting in a cell beneath Canterlot. Luna was lying on her back on the rather drab looking, and evidently too small bed, “So now what?”
Celestia sat slumped with her back against the wall on the other side of the cell, directly below a rather deep, royal-looking indentation in the wall, “What were you thinking, Luna?” Celestia glared at her sister.
“I was thinking we wouldn’t get caught.”
Celestia sighed, and held her head in her hooves for what felt like the hundredth time.
“How did they capture you anyway?”
“Let’s just say the harness was on their side. But no matter, we just have to wait. Sooner or later a guard’s going to come to fetch one of us.”
“And if they don’t?”
“We break out. I mean, what’s a little 13inch stone wall and unicornite steel bars to do against two Alicorn Princesses?”
A coughing sound got the attention of the princesses and they turned to see a royal guard standing outside the cell. His expression was stoic as he looked between the prisoners. “Her majesty Princess Celestia has requested the presence of, um, Princess Celestia.”
“Ah” Celestia clapped her hooves and jumped up, “Just in time.” She bounded to the gate as the guard levitated out a set of keys. He was just about to unlock the gate when Celestia waved him back. “No worries, I’ve got it.” And with perfect ease and grace she swung the gate open.
Luna’s eyes widened and she sat up on the bed. “It was unlocked!?”
“Yes of course, don’t tell me you thought they’d actually try and lock us in?” Celestia stepped out alongside the guard and closed the gate behind her. “Now you just wait here whilst I have a word with myself. I won’t be long.”
Celestia turned to the guard. “Ok then, lead the way. I presume we’re going to the courtyard, are we not?”
The guard’s expression didn’t change as he began to lead Celestia out of the dungeon. “Indeed princess.”
“Lovely, that’s my favourite spot.”
“As is the princess’s too.”
Luna simply sat on her bed, wide eyed and gaping in shock as the guard and her sister left.
Both Celestias now sat in their favourite spot, on a veranda at the back of the castle overlooking the courtyard. Celestia was happily sipping her tea whilst Princess Celestia stared forlornly into hers.
“This tea is lovely.” Celestia broke the silence.
“Thanks, I knew you would like it,” the princess responded without looking up.
“I knew you’d know I’d like.”
“Heh,” Princess Celestia chuckled, and a small smile formed on her face. “So you’re saying you’re me from the future? And this is possible because we’re the only ones that live long enough to travel with Pinkie Pie?”
“Uh, something like that, yes. But it’s more of a time loop. Every five days it resets to the Monday of the week. And it’s not Pinkie Pie, it’s the other pink one, Sweetie Belle.”
Celestia nodded in reply— “Of course”— and took another sip of her tea. “And we don’t know how this started then?”
“No, she has no recollection of how it started.”
“So do we have any plan of action here?”
“No.” The two princesses lapsed back into silence. At length Celestia spoke again, “Can you let my sister out now?”
Celestia raised an eyebrow, and shook her head as she set her cup down. “You know I can’t do that. Luna is still rather distraught about her moon cakes. She’s not going to let me release your sister until she apologises for stealing them.”
“Well, technically she didn’t really steal them. They were hers after all.”
A guard came running out of the castle interrupting the princesses’ conversation. He stopped beside the table, puffing heavily. “Princess, w— we need your help.”
“What is it? Can’t you see I’m discussing important matters with myself?”
The guard paused and looked between the two Celestias glaring agitatedly at him. “Uh, forgive me. Princess Celestia-s...” He shook his head and continued. “Princess-es, this is a dire matter. There is an adorable menace loose in the castle. Fifteen of our best guards have already fallen trying to apprehend her. We fear it may be the reincarnation of Dai Cuticus the Destroyer, ruler of the adorable plains of eternal suffering; come to reap our mortal souls. We need you to help protect Equestria and banish this new foe before it can get out and wreak untold havoc!”
“Whoa, whoa, whoa.” Princess Celestia placed her hooves on the sides of the hyperventilating guard in an attempt to calm him down.
Celestia’s eyes widened and she prodded Princess Celestia. “I think he’s talking about Sweetie Belle.” She turned to the guard. “It’s all right, she’s a friend. Can you please make sure she is kept comfortable, put her up in one of the guest rooms and give her whatever she wants.”
The guard’s ears drooped slightly and he gained a look of confusion, but overall seemed very much calmer. After a moment he gave a firm nod— “Aye Princess” – and left.
As the guard headed back into the castle he passed another on his way out, a filly following close behind with her saddlebags in tow. The other guard approached the table. “Princess, we found this one lurking the castle. What shall do with her?”
Celestia took one look at the filly and her face lit up. “That’s her!”
“Ah, that was fast.” Princess Celestia dismissed the guard. “Thank you, you can leave her here with us.” The guard saluted and left without a single word.
Princess Celestia motioned to an empty seat beside her. “Please, sit down. I’ve heard much about you.”
“Uh” Sweetie Belle blinked and looked over at the seat “Ok” and complied. After getting herself comfortable she began to apologies, “Celestia, I’m so sorry ab-”
Princess Celestia silenced her with a wave of her hoof. “It’s quite alright, there has been no permanent damage done.” She pointed at the other Celestia sitting across the table. “Me, over here, has already explained everything. There really is no better proof than to see myself standing before me.”
“Oh” was her only reply.
Princess Celestia motioned towards a small stack of cupcakes between them. “Please, help yourself, they’re fresh out of my room.”
“No thank you, I’d rat-” They were cut off by the faint screams of a royal guard coming from the East wing, followed shortly after by the guttural yells of what one might mistake for some kind of inter-dimensional beast. Sweetie Belle looked behind her towards where the sound had come from. “Should we be worried?”
Both Celestias waved a dismissive hoof. “Let the guards take care of it. I’m sure it’s nothing.”
Princess Luna walked into the dungeon with the captain of her lunar guard at her side. She trotted swiftly and made directly for the one cell at the back, the one in which the other Luna lay.
Upon arriving at the cell she cast a cold glare at her prisoner who, after a moment of lying on her back on the bed with her head hanging off the end, noticed Princess Luna glaring at her and looked up. “What?”
Princess Luna’s expression remained stoic, “You know very well what. Now, apologise.”
“Why?”
“Stop playing innocent, you know what you did. Now apologise.”
“I can’t say that I do.” Luna paused for a moment then added, “Is this about the cake?”
“Yes…” Princess Luna seethed.
“Oh.” Luna bluntly stated, and then lapsed back into silence.
Princess Luna began grinding her teeth, “Well?”
Luna shrugged, “Well what?”
“You know what I’m done!” Princess Luna stomped a hoof to punctuate her statement, “I’ve given you your chance. Come along Captain!” She turned and stomped out of the dungeon in a huff with the captain of her guard running to catch up.
Luna simply lay and watched as the two left. Once they were gone she stated, “Sister was correct. I am fun.”
Princess Luna was standing in the library, staring at the row of books on the bookshelf before her.
The captain stepped closer, “Princess, may I ask, what are we looking for?”
“I’m looking for- Aha!” She grabbed one and flipped it open. After paging through it for a moment she stopped and, holding the book lower, she waved the guard over to look.
“This is what I’m looking for. I believe this is what Twilight Sparkle used during the wedding.”
The guard looked closely and skimmed over a few lines, “A spell to reveal Changelings?”
“Yes, don’t you see? She has to be a changeling. It’s the perfect explanation for why I have a perfect double of me.”
“So you’re going to use this to get her to show her true self? But then what do you plan to do?”
Luna slammed the book shut, blowing dust in the guard’s face. He began to sneeze and fell back rubbing his eyes. “Then I can try her for- uh...” She paused to think, “Something. I’ll figure it out later; there must be a law against Changelings eating royal moon cakes.”
Whilst the guard was busy blinking the tears out of his eyes Princess Luna levitated the book to her side and trotted towards the exit, “Now come on, back to the dungeon, let us try this spell-" She pause, "Um, out.”
Luna was still in the same position as before, lying on her back on the bed and staring at the walls through the bars, when Princess Luna came trotting back into view. “Oh” Luna exclaimed in surprise, “Back already?”
“Indeed” Princess Luna gave a firm nod and lifted up the book to show it to her captured self. “And this time I have a plan.”
“You’re going to bore me to death?”
A smile crept across Princess Luna's face began to nod but then, realising what her captor had said, stopped herself and shook her head furiously, “Wha- No! This is a spell book. I’m going to reveal you for the Changeling that you are.”
“I’m a Changeling?” Luna cocked her head but made no move to get up.
“Yes, you are. And I’m going to prove it.” Princess Luna lit her horn and began gathering energy. Whilst the glow in the room grew Luna rolled over to watch.
Upon reaching her peak, Princess Luna spread her wings in a show of her might and let loose a majestic beam of cleansing glory at her foe, and by that I mean she shot Luna. The Lunar guard shielded his eyes from the resulting flash, and once it was all over both stepped forward to inspect the result of their princess’ work. Princess Luna wore a wide grin in enjoyment of her victory
Of course there was no change. Luna waved nonchalantly and rather cheerfully, “Hello.”
Princess Luna's smile faded and she frowned, “Hm, perhaps I need a stronger spell.” She pulled out her book once again and began paging through it. Her brow furrowed as she read the fine text, “Ah, this will do.”
Levitating the book in front of her, the princess spread her wings once again and raised her hooves to proclaim loudly, “I now invoke the power of the Deus Ex, Revealiea Changelina!”
Princess Celestia was helping herself, and Sweetie Belle, with packing the chariot. “That should just about do it” They had just finished squeezing a large cake onto the back.
“Tell me again, why are we doing this?” Sweetie Belle asked from her perch on the other Celestia’s back.
“I figure once we deliver this ca-” Celestia was cut off by a loud boom from somewhere in the distance.
“What was that?”
“Sounds to me like somepony tried to use a Deus Ex spell incorrectly.”
A thick layer of smoke blanketed the insides of the dungeon. Princess Luna lay with her back against the wall, her once beautiful mane now singed and permanently blown back into some kind of new age hair style. She gave a slight cough, expelling a small puff of smoke from her muzzle.
In the far corner the voice of Luna’s captain sounded through the smoke, “Princess, are you ok?”
"Yeah," Princess Luna wearily responded not noticing the slight underlying buzz in the captain’s voice, “just a little shook up.”
“Well that was impressive” Luna commented from inside her cell, safely separated from the smoke by a magical barrier.
As the smoke began to clear, Princess Luna’s surroundings came back into view. In the hazy fog a figure stepped forward, and as the princess looked he was revealed to be a changeling. She gasped, “Changeling! Guards!”
The changeling was suddenly alert, looking around at its surroundings before sprinting forward towards Princess Luna. “Ah! Guards, it’s a Changeling!”
The Changeling was soon at her side, “Princess, it’s ok” He said with the voice of her captain.
“He’s got the captain’s voice, he’s got the captain!” Luna was now panicking and flailing wildly.
The Changeling suddenly caught on and looked at his hooves, then promptly started hyperventilating. “I’m a Changeling!”
“Princess wait, I can-” He ducked as Princess Luna took a swing at him, “-explain.”
“Make it quick Changeling, before the guards get here” Princess Luna said through her teeth.
“I’m your captain, Golden Hoof. I’ve always been a Changeling!”
Luna paused and grabbed him by the scruff of his neck, “How do I know you are not lying to me?”
As she said that several more Changelings came rushing into the dungeon clad in blue Lunar armour and wielding spears. The one at their head spoke, “Princess, we’re here. What is the commotion?”
Princess Luna’s ears drooped as she turned from the contingent of Changelings before her, and the one in her grasp. The captain turned Changeling offered a warm smile and said in the calmest tone he could muster, “We’re all Changelings. Where do you think Bat Ponies come from? They’re only a myth.”
“Bu- but-” Princess Luna stammered something out before her eyes rolled back and she fainted.
The guards looked between themselves as Luna, still comfortable in her cell but now standing with her muzzle squeezed against the bars to get the best view, stated. “Well that was... something.”
“Uh, yes...” The captain replied, “So I take it you really are Luna then?”
Luna nodded.
“And you’re not surprised by the whole Changeling thing?”
“Actually yes I am, in fact” THUD
And with that the Lunar Changeling guard now had two fainted Princesses on their hooves.
Princess Luna awoke to find herself in a brightly lit room. She was lying in a bed with a bandage over her head, and she felt a warm lump lying near the base of her bed. Looking down Luna found a filly curled up beside her, fast asleep. She could also feel some kind of white rat hanging from her face, which she immediately removed and banished to the moon without a second thought.
Luna turned to her left to see another bed, with another version of herself sitting in it, looking at her intently with a stupid grin, and similar white rat—or rather a fake beard, hanging from her chin.
To her right was a night stand with a box of moon cakes and a crudely written letter reading 'sorry' in pink crayon. The windows were wide open and a faint breeze blew through the- Luna froze, and turned back to her left.
The other Luna smiled and gave a friendly wave, "AHHHH!!" Princess Luna screamed and leaped out of the bed. She tripped over her own hooves in her panic, sending herself toppling down on the hard tile floor. The filly, which had been sleeping soundly until now, was shook awake and desperately grabbed onto her covers to save herself, but only succeeded in pulling all the sheets off along with her. The two landed in a crumpled heap on the floor, with Luna covering her mouth in an attempt not to laugh.
Moments later a pair of nurses, along with several lunar guards and one of the Celestias burst into the room, alerted by all the commotion. The guards took up strategic positions around the perimeter whilst the nurses attended to the fallen princess.
"What in Equestria happened here?" Celestia stood in the doorway, observing, with a raised eyebrow.
"It's all her fault!" Princess Luna attempted to shoo away the nurses, to keep them from fussing over her, and pointed a hoof at Luna.
"Hey, don't pin this on me; that was all you!" Luna shouted back at herself.
Celestia sighed and rubbed her temples, "No, I mean what were you thinking, Luna. You know Deus Ex spells are forbidden."
"You know that eating my moon cakes is forbidden!" Princess Luna shot back angrily, half to the other Luna and half in response to her sister.
"Will somepony help me get out of this thing?" Sweetie Belle piped from under the tangled mess, only to be completely ignored by everypony else in the room.
"I've had just about enough of this 'moon cake' scenario.” Celestia stomping a hoof angrily as she addressed both Lunas in the room, and glared at them both. “I want you both to make up, and come out to join us for breakfast." As she said this, Celestia had to step aside to allow a Royal Guard through with a trolley carrying two fresh sets of blue regalia on display.
Celestia turned to leave in a huff, calling Sweetie Belle after her as she went. "Come along, let's leave these two alone."
There was a muffled "Coming!" from inside the mound of sheets, followed by a frantic struggling.
Celestia rolled her eyes and levitated the entire bed cover, with the filly inside, and left.
As she stepped out into the passage, Celestia pulled aside one of the guards and whispered into his ear, "Don't be afraid to use force if they resist."
“Aye, Princess.” The guard saluted and took a peek inside the room. He caught glimps of two very angry Lunas glaring at each other like cornered animals. He gulped and turned back, to ask the princess if he could change his mind, but was disappointed to find her already gone.
“... and that is why I always have to think about bananas.” Celestia concluded her story and took a bite of her fried eggs. She allowed her fork to return to its place then spat the end of her fake beard out of her mouth, “Bleh”.
Sweetie Belle was sitting opposite her with her own beard. She had been listening intently to Celestia’s story, and upon its completion she simply mouthed a silent, “...wow” And followed up with her question: “and you never broke the curse?”
“Oh, we tried, heavens have we tried.” Celestia shook her head.
“You do get used to it after a while, though.” The other Celestia continued the thought from her side of the table. She, too, had a white beard but had tied it up to keep it out of her food. The way it hang now made it look more like a moustache than a beard and it wobbled slightly every time she moved her head.
“Yes, quite.” Celestia agreed and paused to take a sip of her tea. “As long as we slip it in every couple minutes we’re fine.”
“Ah.” Sweetie Belle nodded, “But what if you can’t do that? Like, during a speech?”
“Most of the Noble Ponies are used to it by now, and we presume the ones that aren’t just don’t mention it.”
“We are the princess after all.” Princess Celestia added.
“But if we can’t, we’ll end up turning into-” Celestia was cut off as the front door swung open with a loud crash. The two Royal Guards that had been stationed at its side jumped in fright and everypony in the room looked up to see Princess Luna trudge into the dining hall, still with her head bandaged.
She pulled up a seat alongside Sweetie Belle. A coffee mug and pot were taken up in her aura and moved to pour Luna a drink.
There was a moment of silence as Luna poured herself some coffee, took a long sip, then grimaced at the bitter taste. She eyed the mug of dark liquid then looked around at the table, with the two bearded Princesses, one looking at her expectantly, the other reclining in her seat sipping a cup or earl grey whilst she read the paper.
Luna snatched the bowl of sugar from the centre of the table and dropped a few cubes into her mug. She began to stir it as she continued to glance around.
Beside her sat a small filly, also with a large white beard. Sweetie Belle was looking up at her, not saying a word as she twirled the end of her beard with a hoof.
At length, Luna sighed and set her mug down. “Fine, I give up”
Celestia raised an eyebrow, “Oh? Give up on what?”
“Why do you all have beards?” Luna deadpanned.
“Oh...” Celestia trailed off as she glanced down to her own. She gave it a light flick, “Well, it is Thursday after all.”
“Thursday?”
“Yeah,” The filly next to her nodded, “Magical Beard Day! Every pony in the kingdom has to wear a beard today.”
“Exactly” Celestia agreed, “Though, you really should have been here yesterday. It was Eye Patch Wednesday.”
“Eye Patch Wednesday?” Luna could already feel her twitch coming back, as Celestia continued to explain.
“Yes. Every pony had to wear an eye patch. It’s such a shame you had to miss it though. It was marvellous.”
“Eh.” Sweetie Belle spoke up again, “I wouldn’t say it was that great.”
“Well, in my defence, they really should have limited the number of eye patches to one per pony.”
“Hm” Luna had nothing to say, and so returned to her drink. She’d remembered it being bitter, so she took a few lumps of sugar and dropped them into the cup, and began stirring.
“So, Luna” Celestia exclaimed, breaking her sister’s concentration. Luna looked up again, to find all eyes turned to her once again. “Where is your beard?” The Celestia in front of her questioned.
At this the other Celestia looked up from what she’d been doing, suddenly more interested in the current conversation. “Yeah, everypony needs to have at least one.”
Celestia glared at herself and, remembering the events of the day before, Princess Celestia corrected, “Ok, at most one.”
Attention turned back to Princess Luna, “So, where is it?”
Luna crept back in her seat, and glanced at her mug once more before answering. “Well... Let me just say...” She trailed off slightly as she looked between the Princesses and pink filly looking to her expectantly, “That, it will most likely return for revenge in one-thousand years.” Luna blushed.
Celestia facehoofed, “Luna, I swear, you do this every year.”
“Not every year”— Luna protested, and set the mug down. In hind sight, she may have used more force than was necessary. But on the bright side, the guards were now fully attentive. If not simply because the sound of the cup hitting the table sounded suspiciously like gun fire. – “This is the first time I’ve heard of these strange holidays. Did you two just make them up on the spot?” She turned to accusing the two princesses, and pointed to them with a hoof.
Both Celestia, and herself gasped and sat up in their seats, putting a hoof to their chest. “Well I’d never.” They both exclaimed in unison.
“They are, too, real holidays. They were drafted and signed yesterday morning.”
“Whilst I was in a coma?”
“Yes.” Celestia nodded.
“...and how many signatures did you get signing off on it?”
“Two. The minimum capital requirement.”
“Can I see this paper?”
“Of course, you can find it in record keeping. But first let us finish our breakfast.”
“Agreed.” Luna nodded and returned to her mug. By now the coffee would surely be getting cold, but she didn’t want it to go to waste. She remembered it tasting bitter, so she added a few cubes of sugar and began stirring.
Whilst she was doing this, she felt a small hoof at her side. Luna left her mug and turned to find the filly looking up at her, with wide eyes, from behind a large, white, and very curly beard. “Did you like the moon cakes?” She whispered.
Luna leaned closer, “What moon cakes?”
“The ones I left for you beside the bed.” She whimpered slightly and her voice cracked as she continued, “I felt so bad about you eating all your moon cakes that, when I was in town yesterday and saw them in the window of a bakery, I simply had to get you some as a replacement.”
“...but, if you don’t like them, I’ll understand.” Sweetie Belle looked away.
“Aw...” Luna hugged the filly. “Thank you, that was so nice.” The filly smiled and returned the hug. “So, what was your name, by the way?”
“Oh, you haven’t been told, have you?”
“I can’t say that I have.”
“Well you can call me Sweetie Belle.” She squeaked and hugged Luna tighter. “I guess we have a lot to catch you up on.”
“Indeed.” She nodded, “Nice to meet you, Sweetie Belle” She held Sweetie Belle in the hug with one hoof as she retrieved her mug and took a sip. Luna grimaced at the sweet taste.
“Here it is, the Canterlot Archives,” Princess Luna proclaimed proudly. Before her was a set of heavy wooden doors, crafted out of the wood of an old oak tree that once grew not far from here. They themselves were mostly bland, but a sign set against the wall to the right left no uncertainty.
Luna had not set hoof in these chambers since the last time her sister had declared an unnecessary holiday, during the times of their mother Faust. After that travesty, their mother had made them promise never to go back in there. Though now was different, Luna was an adult and besides, she needed the original statement so as to challenge that ridiculous ‘Beard Day’.
Sweetie Belle, who had been lagging behind, turned a corner further up the passage and trotted as quickly as she could to join the Princess outside the records chamber. She heaved a sigh and paused to try and catch her breath, “Is this-” She gasped for her breath, “Is this it?”
Luna said that they would come here directly after breakfast, but she did not mention that it was all the way on the opposite side of Canterlot. Nor did she say that the record chamber was only open from 8 to 10.
Sweetie Belle pressed a hoof to her chest, and then threw her beard over her back. At this point it was starting to get hot and sweaty, and maybe ever so slightly smelly. It’s at this point that Sweetie Belle was getting the idea that Luna may have had a point. She looked up to Princess Luna, and finally asked once she had her breath back, “So is this it?”
“Yes,” The Princess replied with a nod. “They keep a record of everything that happens in Canterlot, whether it’s worth keeping or not. I am certain they will have something for you to read about Starswirl the Bearded inside.”
Sweetie Belle squealed inwardly at the sound of this good news and could barely contain her excitement as she rushed to push the door open. She wheezed against the door, and pushed against them with her side. When the door didn’t budge, she changed positions and pushed with both her front hooves whilst balancing on her hind legs.
Sweetie Belle was beginning to go a slight tone of purple when Princess Luna rolled her eyes and pushed the filly aside. She grabbed the door handle in her magic and then stepped back slightly to allow the door to swing outwards freely.
Sweetie Belle blushed. “Uh, thanks again.”
Luna simply returned with a friendly smile, and then motion for Sweetie Belle to go in first.
Sweetie Belle marvelled at the size of the place. Even the library hadn’t had this much paper. There were shelves in all directions, many packed to the brim with old scrolls, and some with dusty books and jars. Many of the shelves reached far above anypony could have hoped to reach and there were ponies in grey suits balancing atop ladders as they filed yet more scrolls levitated up to them by unicorn helpers on the ground, all doing this whilst trying to keep their, obviously fake, beards from obstructing their way.
The centre of the room formed a type of auditorium. There was a set of desks and office chairs laid out for reading though they were in hardly the best condition. The roof near the centre of the room arched up into a large golden dome, with an intricate painting of Princess Celestia holding out a wingtip to touch an Earth Pony below her; both surrounded on all sides by clouds and singing Pegasi.
“Woah...” Sweetie Belle mouthed silently. “This place is huge!”Her voice cracked as it hit a higher octave and echoed throughout the chamber, much to the annoyance of the filing ponies working there. An Earth Pony shot her a distasteful glare.
Princess Luna followed Sweetie Belle inside, allowing the door to swing closed behind her with a silent thud. She walked through across the centre of the room, sidestepping a stallion that had gotten his beard stuck in-between two scroll rollers, to where Sweetie Belle had wasted no time in beginning her search. She was sitting on the ground with her back against a bin full of scrolls as she unrolled the first one in her magical grasp. “So, where should we start?”
Sweetie Belle looked up from her scroll and then shrugged, “I’m starting with S, for Starswirl.”
“Ah,” Luna nodded. “Well, the S section is several decades large. You will be an old mare before you have any hope of finding anything in there.”
“Hm...” Sweetie Belle nodded half attentively as she read the scroll. She frowned and tossed it into the bin. Who even eats Salmon Alamode? “So is there another way to do this?”
“There is, this place is organised according to the Nomonicalogi-Faustian Alphabet.”
“The what?”
“It’s a sorting system my... fiancé came up with— ages ago. With it anything you are looking for is always within reach in only five steps.” She waved for Sweetie Belle to follow her, “Let me show you.” and headed straight for the ‘B’ section of the archives. “He was a master of organising. I dare say almost ‘Twilight Sparkle’ level.”
Luna trotted quickly through the aisles as she delved deeper into the ‘B’ section. She stopped at a junction of five other aisles and waited patiently for Sweetie Belle to catch up before continuing. “To begin with, the easiest way to see how it works is to use it. I’m going to show you by using the system to find my sister’s papers for declaring this beard day.”
Luna grabbed a clipboard hanging outside one of the isles and skimmed over it quickly. She rubbed her chin with a hoof as she inspected the text then, seeing what she was looking for, returned the clipboard to its place and pointed down one of the isles to her left. “According to the registers, we have two-word titles kept on this side.” She pointed to her right, “And on that side is all the rest, so now we go left.”
She trotted forward with Sweetie following close behind. Luna came to a sudden halt almost causing Sweetie Belle to bump into her from behind. They had come to another junction, this time with jars along all sides.
Princess Luna grabbed another clipboard and began skimming it again. “Now it says all the ones to the left are numerically ordered, and only relate to carpentry. So now we go right.” She returned the clipboard to its holster and proceeded as before.
They went though this same procedure several more times, each time with Luna checking another clipboard, and it leading them down another path seemingly at random.
At the eighth junction Sweetie Belle was beginning to notice a bit of a pattern. They were once again surrounded y jars, jars that looked suspiciously familiar, “Uh, Luna?”
“Shh...” Luna shushed the filly as she pored over the latest clipboard. Her frown had deepened and Sweetie Belle could pick out a few points where the princess’ mane was starting to look ever so slightly frazzled. “Okay. I think this one is...” She scratched her head and turned the clipboard on its side.
“Luna,” Sweetie Belle poked the princess in the side to get her attention, “I think we’ve been here before.”
“No, no, I know what I’m doing.” Luna dropped the clipboard back into its holster and set off down one of the isles. Sweetie Belle sat where she was and watched Princess Luna leave, and then reappear through a path to her right. She was looking behind her, “Sweetie Belle? Where are you?”
“I’m over here,” Sweetie Belle deadpanned.
“Oh!” Luna spun around, “There you are! I was getting worried I’d lost you. How did you get here before me?”
“Luna, you went in a circle.”
“Did I?” Princess Luna checked behind her, and then at her surroundings, “... so I have.”
Sweetie Belle facehoofed.
“Well,” Luna continued as she trotted back into the junction proper. She stopped at Sweetie Belle’s side and dropped to her haunches. “We’re boned.”
They had been walking round the archives for a little over half an hour now, and Sweetie Belle had had just about enough of this. She could feel the faint migraine that always followed her, tugging at the back of her head. She mentally adjusted her spells and proceeded to where Luna currently was.
Princess Luna was at yet another junction. Eight paths, each looking identical to the last, save for one that had books and jars instead of scrolls. She was contemplating their next route to take when Sweetie Belle approached.
“I can’t believe you got us lost.” Her contempt was loud and clear for everypony to see.
“I have certainly not gotten us ‘lost’” Luna turned her nose up at that remark, “We’re just...” She wiped a strand of hair away from her face, “We’re just a little bit turned around is all. And look!” Luna held up another clipboard she’d found and continued as she flipped over the cover page, “This one will surely tell us where we need t- Oh.” Luna’s eyes went wide and she went suspiciously silent as she read the rest of the note.
“What is it?”
“N- nothing!” Luna was now blushing, or at least she felt she was by how her cheeks were burning. She had no idea if anypony else could see it, due to how dark her coat was. She tossed the clipboard away, leaving it to clatter to the floor and slide to a halt several feet away, “It seems we will have to rely on my intellectual wit to get us out of this mess.”
Luna clearly didn’t want to tell her what was on that clipboard and, naturally, this only made Sweetie Belle want to know even more. She squinted at the princess, “... what did it say?”
“I told you, it said nothing!” Luna snapped, “Now come on, let’s find my sister’s scroll so we can get out of here,” Luna waved for Sweetie Belle to follow her, but the filly ignored her. Instead she simply sat where she was, looking to the side with a slight mischievous grin. Luna followed her gaze to where the clipboard now lay face down.
She looked back to the filly, a grave expression on her face. She shook her head slowly saying, “... no.”
Sweetie Belle nodded. Yes.
Luna shook her head again, slightly more forcefully, “No, as your Princess I forbid it!”
Sweetie Belle lunged after the clipboard and Luna ran after to grab it first. Unfortunately Sweetie Belle had the upper hoof. She got a head start, and due to her smaller size, was much faster than the lumbering Alicorn Princess with an abnormal fondness for lunar related delicacies. The filly was on top of the clipboard within moments and yanked it out of the way just in time for Luna to come crashing down against the hard marble floor.
She then ran to the far corner of the room and sat herself down with her back to the wall. She floated the clipboard in front of her and began to read aloud. “Dear Diary,” it said in bright orange crayon. “Luna is such a poopy butt. Today she ate all of my dessert again,” Sweetie Belle raised an eyebrow at this, and glanced to where Luna was still picking herself up. She continued to read, “But this time I was ready. Today during Starswirl’s classes I ‘found’ a really powerful laxative spell. I used it on the cakes and-”
“Okay, that’s quite enough” The clipboard was pulled from her hooves before Sweetie could read another word.
“Hey! Give it back!” She protested and looked to find Princess Luna glaring down at her. She had the clipboard floating in her aura.
This time Princess Luna had the upper hoof, quite literally. She smacked her lips, her tongue was numb from where she’d bit it from the fall, and yanked the clipboard higher just as Sweetie Belle leaped at her to try to get it back.
Sweetie Belle tried and failed to retrieve the clipboard, and after several failed attempts she slumped in defeat at the princess’ hooves to try a different tactic. She pouted up at the princess in annoyance. “Pweeese give it back?” The puppy dog eyes always had its desired effect, Sweetie Belle found.
Luna, however, was a very different kind of animal from Sweetie’s bigger sister, “I know what you’re doing, and it’s not going to work.” She returned with her own variant of the puppy dog routine, “You’re not the only one with an older sister, you know.”
Sweetie Belle huffed and crossed her hooves, conceding defeat to the better and more experienced younger sister, “What was that, anyway?”
“I think it is perfectly clear exactly what that was. My sister used to hide her diary entries where I couldn’t find them.” She took the clipboard in her hooves to regard the page once more, “There must not have been ponies in this section for a very long time.”
“I’ll say,” Sweetie Belle snorted, “So how are we getting out of here anyway?”
“Hm...” Luna considered this for a moment, yanking the clipboard slightly higher as she did so, thus thwarting Sweetie Belle’s latest attempt to get a hold of it, and set the clipboard down on one of the higher shelves, much to Sweetie Belle’s annoyance, “As I was saying earlier. We will have to rely on my intellectual wit to find the exit.”
“You know, I have been studying magic.” Sweetie Belle offered, “We could just tel—”
“No” Luna shushed the filly, “That would be cheating. And besides, we can’t leave without my sister’s scroll.”
“Why not?”
“We need to at least look for it. Otherwise the author won’t have any way to progress to the next scene. Now pick a side and start looking. It cannot be far.”
“Well, okay than,” Sweetie Belle turned her attention to the row of scrolls before them, not forgetting where Luna had left the clipboard with her sister’s Diary entry. Whatever was on there, she was going to get it, and read it too. She looked along the shelf a few times before picking out a scroll that looked promising.
She pulled it free from its hiding place and unravelled it from its sheaf; another cooking recipe. These Canterlot ponies must really like their recipes.
She checked to see what Luna was doing. The princess was in the process of pulling out several scrolls, and had thus left Sweetie Belle unattended. She looked up the shelf once more, the one she knew the clipboard would be resting atop.
It shouldn’t be too hard to climb up there, right? She checked once again, Luna had her back to her. This was her chance. Sweetie Belle shoved the scroll back into its place and began to climb.
The step shapes of the shelves worked well as make-shift hoof-holds and Sweetie was already starting to make quick progress, when, “Ahem” She was halted by Luna’s cough from behind her, “Sweetie Belle” The Princess began. Sweetie Belle froze mid climb, awaiting the inevitable.
Instead Luna continued in a relatively calm tone, “I’ve been wondering. Why do you want to read about Starswirl the Bearded anyway?” A wave of relief washed over the filly. Looking back she could see that Luna was still facing the other way. She hadn’t been found out, yet.
She silently grumbled to herself about this minor delay to her plans and halted her ascent to think of a response. “I’m, uh, it’s because of this time-loop thing,” she began to explain, “Every Friday it resets and I end up going back to the Monday of that week.”
“Really?” Luna’s ears perked up at this, “That sounds interesting and I presume nopony else remembers?”
“Nope,” she squeaked out a response before continuing her ascent.
Luna picked out another scroll and began reading its cover whilst the last one sorted itself into one of many growing piles, “And can you bring anything with you?”
It seemed her plans were going to have to wait. Sweetie sighed again, “I can” She nodded, “Anything that’s in the same room is brought with.”
“Hm...” Luna became thoughtful on this, “Theoretically speaking, you could duplicate items, could you not?”
Sweetie shrugged, “Well, yeah.” That much seemed obvious, “I duplicated you, didn’t I?” As she was reaching the shelf where the clipboard lay, Sweetie Belle came upon a sudden block to her plans. The scrolls on this level were sticking out slightly further than the rest, and thus wouldn’t allow her to climb any further. She looked over her shoulder to see if there was any other way. The design of the shelves left few options. Every few meters there was a vertical rung that stuck out from the edge of the shelves, and at this height Sweetie Belle couldn’t stomach the thought of trying to climb around them.
“So” Luna rolled a hoof in the air, still focused on searching scrolls. “Could you do the same with say, a box of moon cakes?”
“M- Maybe” Sweetie Belle made the mistake of looking down, Princess Luna, still oblivious, looked like a filly from here. Sweetie’s stomach lurched and she grabbed onto the shelf for dear life and squeezed her eyes closed.
“So you’ll take me with so we can try then?”
Sweetie Belle gulped, “Yeah, sure!” Sweetie shouted back, trying her best to sound calm and not at all scared out of her wits.
She pried her eyes open and checked her progress. Sweetie could see the corner of the clipboard hanging off the edge. It wasn’t far, only one more step higher and it would be hers. Maybe if I just... She let go with one hoof, using the other to steady herself, and stretched to reach the clipboard. She was just inches away from her prize when there was a loud crack from below. The entire shelf lurched to one side, almost sending the filly flying.
“That’s wonderful!” Luna sounded happy. Sweetie Belle also heard something that sounded a bit like ‘Wait. Where did you go?’ But at this point Sweetie Belle didn’t really care. She hung on for dear life, the entire shelf now tilted, only an inch, but still enough to bring a literal cascade of papers down on the poor filly.
Sweetie Belle lost her grip and landed with a thud in a pile large of papers, “Bleh,” she spat one out and floundered to the top of the pile to look around. Moments later, something hard and strangely clipboard-shaped landed on Sweetie’s head, dazing the filly.
Two Princess Lunas were staring at her with a strange kind of surprised expression. They were also dancing around each other for some reason. Sweetie Belle shook her herself, and suddenly there was only one Luna again, though not looking any less surprised. With the split ends, twitching eyelid, and just about everything else about this scene, she was suddenly reminded a lot of the time she’d helped Twilight reorganise the treebrary.
A cold shiver ran up Sweetie’s spine. Those were truly dark days. She could remember nothing but books for days and, in the end, Applejack had to send in a rescue team with shovels to get them out.
Noticing Luna’s stare was not halting, Sweetie Belle coughed, “So, uh...” She tried to change the subject, “I, uh, heard you were married?” She gave one of her best ‘it’s not my fault’ grins in an attempt to defuse the situation.
“Private Penny!” The private jumped to attention upon hearing his name, in the process knocking over the chair in which he’d been sleeping. He stumbled and moved to salute the incoming princess. A loud clang rang out from above his head and the private’s helmet went flying. It clattered to the floor somewhere behind him.
Remembering his spear, Private Penny set it upright at his side and saluted with the other hoof. Luckily for him, he wasn’t more coordinated; otherwise he would have surely lost an eye. And what would the princess think of him then?
“Y- Yes, Princess,” he hollered in the way that his superiors had taught him, all the while buying time to search for his helmet. It was nowhere to be found, thus Penny opted to continue saluting and hope that they wouldn’t notice.
“We are looking for Princess Luna.” Princess Celestia began as she approached the private. They didn’t notice, thankfully.
“Either one,” the other Celestia added as she followed up the rear.
Private Penny did a double take; two Princess Celestias standing before him. He began to sweat slightly and stammered out a response, “No, sir- Er, ma’am. Ma’am” Penny corrected and shook his head, “Not seen her all day, Ma’ams.”
“Oh.” The first Celestia seemed disappointed.
“B- but I will tell you as soon as I do, Princess” Private Penny offered, still holding his stance.
“That’s quite all right, private. I’m sure she’ll turn up eventually,” The other Celestia waved a hoof to dismiss the guard, much to his relief.
Meanwhile, somewhere inside the Canterlot records chamber, Princess Luna stopped mid-sentence and looked up from her hand of card-scrolls. She stared off into the distance for a long while. At length, Sweetie Belle grew concerned and gave her a prod breaking her out of her stupor. “What is it?” She asked.
Luna shook herself, “I feel like...” She trailed off again, glanced to her hand of scrolls, and levitated another from the stack between her and Sweetie Belle, and then continued, “I am not quite sure. I feel that my sister may be up to something.”
“What did you need Luna for anyway?”
“We have a meeting with the noble ponies today, something about fountains. Luna was meant to oversee, and help me retain a little sanity.”
“Oh, yeah...” Celestia trailed off as she though back to her duties from the previous loop, “...I remember that.” Celestia went silent for a moment, a twinkle in her eye was seen and her entire face lit up as an idea took hold, “Hey!” She pat herself on the chest—not herself-herself per se, but rather her other self, the one standing in front of her with a raised eyebrow. “What if I came to help you with it?”
Princess Celestia frowned, “I don’t know about that. How would they react if two Celestias showed up? The nobles can be quite... Excitable.”
“Pfft, it’ll be fine, you’ll see. I can simply wear a disguise.”
“Are you sure this is going to work?” Celestia settled into her place in the ornate seat heading up the throne room whilst the other Celestia fumbled with a zipper on the back of her yellow suit.
“Don’t worry, I’ve got this,” She gave the zipper one last yank with her magic and it slid all the way up her back, leaving a clean seam, though only for a short while. Within minutes Celestia’s multi-spectral mane had returned. It phased magically through the suit and continued to wave in its imaginary wind, “Me damnit.”
She was just about to redo the zip when a loud click sounded through the hall and the front door cracked slightly ajar, “Hurry!” Princess Celestia shouted in a hushed tone as she waved herself over to get into position, “He’s here!”
Prince Blueblood inclined his head to the guards, or at least he would have if he’d notice them as they held the doors open for him, and headed through. Inside he was faced with Princess Celestia, as expected, patiently waiting for him in her throne. There was also a strange yellow figure standing beside her that, as he got closer, appeared to have the face of a pony the long, elongated shape of a banana, and the mane of a celestial princess.
“Prince Blueblood! How lovely to see you,” Celestia welcomed him, with the best smile she could muster; warm and kind, firm but not too harsh.
Any greater pony would have immediately picked up on it not being completely sincere, or would point out the slight contempt she bore or the fact that she appeared to be withholding a parade of giggles. We are not, however, dealing with any greater pony. This is Prince Blueblood. Thus he did not notice any of these subtleties and instead proceeded to address the princess as always. “It is an honour,” He bowed, “For you to meet me, Princess Celestia.”
Both princesses ground their teeth at that remark, but did not say anything. The first one began, “Where is your beard?” She glared at Blueblood, and his unremarkably smooth chin.
“My beard?” This seemed to take him by surprise. Blueblood looked up to the princess, just now noticing the bread that she wore. He also remembered how the guards had beards, much like every other pony he’d met that day, too. “Why would I have a beard?”
“It is national beard day,” Celestia stated, “Every pony must wear a beard, by law.”
“Oh.” Blueblood ran a hoof over his chin, suddenly very aware of how cold it felt, “... should I,” he glanced back to the exit, “Should I come back then?”
Celestia shook her head, “No, it’s too late now. I will have to add this to your record.”
Blueblood nodded, “Very well then.”
“Now let us get started then,” Celestia motion towards the yellow figure, the other Celestia, standing beside her, “I would like to introduce the, uh-”
The figure leaned over and whispered into Celestia’s ear. She nodded and continued, “The Duke of Banana. He will be overseeing the proceedings as part of an ongoing peace treaty. I expect you to treat him with the utmost respect.” Celestia nodded; her expression stone serious.
Prince Blueblood raised an eyebrow at this, but said nothing as he decided it best not to question the Princess’ methodology. He bowed again, “Yes, Your Highness.”
“Now,” Celestia adjusted her seating and pressed her hooves together to glare down at the noble pony before her with her ‘this is business’ look. “Why have you come to speak with me?”
“It is a matter of the fountains, Your Highness.” Prince Blueblood began. He picked up his briefcase and opened it up, to levitate a large stack of papers over to the princess, which she promptly ignored, “I have multiple complains from the Montgomery estate that it is too close to their property.” There was a faint sigh from the near vicinity of the throne, and both Celestia and the Duke of Banana seemed to deflate visibly, though Blueblood did not notice, too preoccupied with the subject at hoof. “They cannot get their chariot out of the driveway, Your Highness.”
“Prince Blueblood,” Celestia began, in a calm tone, adjusting her position once more, “Is this the fountain on the corner of Mane?”
“Yes, Your Highness.” Blueblood nodded.
“The one that was installed a little over four moons ago?”
He nodded again.
“The same fountain that was installed by your request, and that you came to me two moons ago with complaints of it being too close to the Capulot house even though it was in the exact centre of the square at the time?” Celestia’s face remained calm, save for the occasional stress marks below the left eye. Her tone, however, told a very different story; one that even a pony as dull as Blueblood could detect from a mile away, “The very same one that was moved closer to the Montgomery estate?”
“Uh,” Blueblood tentatively nodded his head again, “Y- Yes, Princess.”
It is at this point that the Duke of Banana butted in, expertly defusing Princess Celestia’s inevitable outburst. He whispered into the princess’ ear and her expression lessoned as she regained her composure. She turned back to Prince Blueblood, “The Duke of Banana has just one question for you: Do you like mmmm bananas?” She cracked a smile upon seeing the confusion on the noble pony’s face.
Blueblood glanced between the Duke and the Princess, not quite sure what to say.
“Go ahead, answer the question.” Celestia encouraged.
Blueblood gulped, “Y- yes, princess.” He nodded frantically and wracked his brain for the best answer. In the end he decided enthusiasm to be the best approach, “Yes, I love bananas!”
Princess Celestia gave out a loud gasp, and clapped her hooves to her mouth, “Prince Blueblood!” She shouted in abject horror and then turned to the duke and began to apologise.
Blueblood was taken aback, his mouth dropped and he immediately turned his statement around in hopes of fixing this, “No, no, I mean I hate bananas!” He shook his head frantically.
This, unfortunately, only seemed to make things worse for the pony. Celestia looked to him in disgust, “Blueblood, I have had just about enough. First the beard and now this!? This behaviour is very unbecoming of a noble pony, especially one such as yourself. I am very disappointed,” she waved a hoof, “Banana guards!”
“Wait! No, Princess I didn’t mean t-” He made to approach the throne but was stopped by a yellow hoof on his shoulder. Turning around, Prince Blueblood was welcomed by two guards in banana suits at his side, both glaring down at him.
The first one spoke, “Please come with us.”
“Princess, I can explain!” He tried to pull away from the guards but they were too strong for him. They held him back firmly by the withers, “I mean I neither like them nor despise them, I feel no strong feelings either way.”
Celestia would have none of it, instead addressing the guards, “Take him away, perhaps an afternoon in a nice cell will allow Blueblood to think on his actions.
The guards saluted and dragged the muttering and crying pony away after them.
Once they were sure they were gone, both Celestias broke out into fits of laughter with the first one lying back in her seat clutching at her sides whilst the banana-suited one rolled around on the floor, “That was pure gold!”
“I know.” The other Celestia replied between gasps for breath, “So who’s the next one?”
Princess Celestia pulled out a note from behind the throne, “Fancy Pants.”
“Ooh, I rather like him.”
Celestia broke from her laughter to agree with herself, “He is a reasonable pony, let’s go easy on this one.”
“Thank you, Fancy Pants, and might I add that your beard is fabulous.” Princess Celestia looked down at the noble pony hunched before her. He was standing proudly with a splendid white beard pouring down his chest, and with a briefcase full of papers floating beside him in his aura.
“Why, yes”, The Duke of Banana chuckled, and reclined back in her recently acquired lawn chair, “If being the object of the Princess’ envy was a crime, I imagine you would be quite close to Prince Blueblood right now.”
They both snickered, hiding their grins behind their hooves as they shared a knowing glance, “Oh, uh,” Fancy Pants looked up from his papers and raised an eyebrow, “Y-yes, thank you princess.” He inclined his head, “The hairs were specially imported from Yakyakistan for the occasion.”
“I can tell,” Celestia complimented, “Now,” she turned back to business. She adjusted her seating and threw the end of her beard out of her way, “I will look at addressing the issue with the fountains.”
The Duke of Banana interrupted with a cough, “Ahem, and if I may suggest, Princess,” She leaned over to speak to the princess, “Perhaps it would be easiest to demolish the fountain entirely?”
“Yes, that would be the best solution,” Princess Celestia turned to Fancy Pants, “Will that be acceptable, Fancy Pants?”
Fancy Pants frowned, “With all due respect, Princess. I would be concerned about how Blueblood would take such a manoeuvre. He commissioned it after all, and I’d hate to destroy his prized statue.”
“Yes, quite” Celestia tapped her chin as she though. At length she shrugged, “I’m sure he’ll understand, otherwise we can hold it to a vote in the next meeting. Blueblood will have ample opportunity to voice his concerns then.”
“If he bothers to show up, that is.” Celestia added with a knowing glance to the Duke.
“Right, well.” Fancy Pants scuffed a hoof against the ground, “If that is all,” he gave one last bow.
“WHERE IS SHE!?” Luna’s booming voice echoed through the castle, startling Fancy Pants with a yelp and making him drop his briefcase.
Both Celestia, and the Duke of Banana stared straight ahead, towards the closed doors at the back. Fancy Pants joined them as he turned around to stare.
There was the loud clatter of spears and metal hitting metal outside. The door shuddered as something large and solid collided with it on the opposite side.
Another moment of silence.
And then a crashing boom as large dent bulged outwards from the door, then two, then three. There was another bout of commotion and several more knocks, and then it was surrounded by a blue aura and swung open to reveal a furious Princess Luna.
Her magical aura was flowing around her like flames. Both Celestias thought they saw the signs of skulls burning in Luna’s gaze but neither of them paid that any mind as they were too preoccupied by what was atop Luna’s head.
“Um...” Celestia Began.
“...is that...” The Duke of Banana spoke.
Both them and Fancy Pants sat in awe, their jaws dropped as Luna stomped further into the throne room dragging behind her one, two, no three night guards and a celestial guard in a banana suit. They all hung onto her back hooves helplessly crying out to Celestia, “We’re sorry, Princess!”
“We couldn’t stop her!” The banana guard screamed.
Celestia waved, not able to tear her eyes away from Luna, “That’s... quite all right.”
Princess Luna stopped next to Fancy Pants, using her magic to steady the fruit basket hiding the charred remains of her mane, and shoved the gawking unicorn aside, “Again I say: where is she?” Luna seethed between her teeth.
Both Celestias tore their gaze away from Luna’s head to give her a confused frown, “Who?”
“You know who I mean. Where is Princess Luna, the other Princess Luna.”
Celestia turned a glance and a raised brow to her banana clad counterpart. Both had no idea, “We haven’t seen her since this morning,” the second one stated.
The first Celestia followed up with a nod, “Indeed, last we heard she’d left on an outing with Sweetie Belle, but that was nearly four hours ago.”
“Hmf,” Luna huffed and stomped a hoof, “Very well then.” She turned up her nose turned to leave, still dragging the guards behind her. She stopped at the back door and spun around one last time to shout, “The moment I see that mare. I shall buck her. In the face,” and then slammed the doors behind her as she stomped away.
Both Celestias waited in silence until they were sure she was gone. Once the sound of Luna’s stomping, and cursing, were sufficiently faded the Duke of Banana spoke up, “... what do you think she did?”
“I... Don’t know.”
“What to go watch?”
“Certainly.”
“Are you sure about this?” The Changeling drone’s voice buzzed with concern, the events from the previous coupe to take Canterlot still fresh in his mind. A chill ran up his spine as an image of the aptly dubbed ‘Love Bubble of Doom’ flashed through his mind. He cowered close behind his queen with his shell retracted and his bug-like wings spread ready to flee at the nearest sound of a Royal Guard.
“This is the perfect opportunity,” Queen Chrysalis proclaimed, just over a whisper and with utmost conviction. She was hunched over and looking around. News of the duplicate princesses had spread quickly throughout the Changeling underground and the Queen knew this was her perfect chance to infiltrate the castle. If they played their cards right, they could feast for weeks on the love of these unsuspecting ponies and nopony would be the wiser.
All she had to do was— there was the sound of a door banging shut and the Changeling queen ducked back behind the corner, “Quick, she’s coming, get into your disguise.”
As she said this, Chrysalis’ horn lit, and a green flame spread across her body, quickly changing her into the form of Princess Luna. Her drone nodded and did the same, transforming into a dark grey bat pony clad in the lunar garb.
Moments later, a Princess Luna came trotting around the corner in a huff, practically seething with rage.
Queen Chrysalis stepped forward to greet the princess, confident her disguise would have her fooled. She put on a bright smile, and waved to the princess as she stomped their way, “Good day, my fellow Prince—”
WHAM!
Break time!
Pinkie Pie here to give you all a random piece of trivia not at all related to the current events of this story.
Did you know that Princess Luna used to be a heavy weight boxing champion? They used to call her the pulveriser.
Another random thing to know: Did you know that, despite their formidable appearance, Changeling queens are remarkably easy to defeat?
Eeyup! All you have to do is keep in mind their one true weakness. Their glass jaw.
There was an explosion of stars, and all at once Chrysalis’ world had spun away from her.
She woke up feeling dizzy, with the world spinning upside down around her and shards of glass scattered everywhere. A pair of six, hold on, four, no definitely twelve golden clad hooves stood around her. One of the guards frowned and leaned down to pick her up, “You’re coming with us,” he said in a low tone, and dragged the swaying Changeling Queen away.
Meanwhile back inside, the changeling drone stood in the passage before Princess Luna, frozen on the spot. He shot a glace out the broken window and then back to the princess standing in front of him.
At length, Princess Luna groaned and rubbed a hoof across her forehead, “You,” She snapped, pointing a hoof at the disguised Changeling.
He flinched, wanting to hide his face behind a hoof, but, remembering his disguise, he followed his training and puffed out his chest, “Ch- changeling? Whatever do you mean?” He tried to put on a deeper voice in hopes of fooling the princess.
Luna simply looked at him with a raised eyebrow. She rolled her eyes, “I know you’re a changeling.”
“Y- you do?”
“Of course, now go get me some coffee and something to fix my mane.”
The guard paused, glancing to the broken window. Luna slipped into her Canterlot voice as she shouted once more, “NOW!” and pointed down the passage.
“Y- yes, Princess,” he flashed a quick salute and hurried off to the kitchen.
“There she is!” The first Celestia—the one without the banana suit— screamed. She came running down the passage as quickly as her hooves could carry her, with Celestia trailing shortly behind.
“Wait for me!” Celestia screamed after herself, wobbling and skipping along as she struggled to move her legs in the restrictive suit. They swerved around the corner and skidded to a halt upon seeing the scene.
Luna was sitting back against her flanks, seething from under her fruit hat. She had her forelegs crossed and was clicking her tongue whilst waiting for her guard to return.
Meanwhile, beside her and across the corridor, Celestia spotted the broken window and scattered shards of glass. She immediately skidded to a halt and flashed Luna a glare, “What in Tartarus happened here!?”
“Hmph,” Luna huffed. “I have simply taught myself a valuable lesson, one about pushing one’s boundaries, and never befouling the royal visage.”
The other Celestia then waddled around the corner, now with the banana suit half removed. The top of it hung limply over Celestia’s horn obscuring her view. “What’s this about lessons?” She asked excitedly, flashing a grin and hopping in place, all the while clapping her hooves and looking around blindly.
The first Princess Celestia rolled her eyes. She lit her horn, and pulled the suit down, restoring her self’s vision.
Celestia blinked, her eyes adjusting to the light, and then they grew wide as the broken window came into view. “... Oh, wow.” she nodded, “Yeah, mom always said we shouldn’t be playing buckball inside the castle.”
“What?” Luna guffawed. Snapping her jaw shut, she shook her head and pointed—one hoof out the window, and other at her own face. “No! I punched myself!”
Both Celestias looked to Luna with raised eyebrows. “You punched... yourself?” the first asked.
“In the face.” Luna confirmed.
“You punched...” The first Celestia repeated.
“...Yourself.” The second one finished.
“Yes,” Luna nodded, adamant, and repeated her earlier motion, pointing out the window. “And she went right out the window.” She then paused, and brought her hoof in front of her admiring it. “I’m actually quite impressed. And here I was thinking I’d gotten soft.”
After a long pause, something clicked in Celestia’s head and a light came on. “...Oh.” She rolled her eyes, nodding in understanding now. “You punched your self.”
“Oh,” Princess Celestia mirrored. She slapped a hoof over her forehead, and echoed, “She punched her self.”
“Yeah...” Luna frowned, less sure, of herself. She silently started to wonder if either of her sisters had knocked themselves upon the head one too many times. She glanced to the side, and then looked up the passage, tapping her hoof impatiently awaiting her guard’s return. There was nothing to the east and, looking the other way, nothing to the west as well. With a sigh, she resolved herself to trying to deal with her sisters. “...What did you think I meant?”
“Oh”— Celestia rolled a hoof in the air – “N—“
Princess Celestia stepped forwards in front of herself and butted butting in. “You do realise that we’re on the third floor, right?”
Her expression unchanging, Luna blinked. “Yes.” She slowly nodded. “Of course, and your point is...?”
She facehoofed, Celestia and Luna watching as she groaned, long and hard, into her hooves and shook her head..
At length, when it seemed like it was never going to end, she took a deep breath and recomposed herself, muttering under her breath about Cadance never having to put up with this. “... Okay, come on”— she stepped forwards, grabbing Luna’s ear in her magic as she passed— “let’s go find her,” and set off down the hall dragging Luna behind her like a scorned filly.
“Sister, I—Ow, ow, ow-ow—” Luna cut herself off, crying all the way down the hall as she hurried after her sister, leaving Celestia to her own devices.
She stood alone, glancing around, and then to the broken window. Something clicked in her mind, and her eyes sparkled as a wonderful new idea dawned on her. “Oh, wait!” she shouted, waving after her sisters as she set off at a canter. “Does anypony want to play Buckball?”
With the princesses gone, the passage turned deathly quiet. Luna’s voice, and the stomping of hooves drew far, fading into obscurity—like so many other things.
After but a few seconds of calm, the silence was broken by the clatter oh hooves, and clanking of a cart, approaching. The Changeling from earlier, still disguised as a Lunar Guard, rushed around a corner pushing a trolley, with a coffee pot, a comb, and several brushes in front of him like his life depended upon it. “Princess, I have returned with the—” He stopped cold upon seeing the vacant lot and lapsed into silence.
He stood there, looking around him for a long while, until realisation dawned on him. “...oh.”
Meanwhile, on the other side of Canterlot and holed up inside their very own make-shift shelter consisting entirely of scrolls, books, and toppled bookshelves, Princess Luna fought to the death, dealing in a battle of wits against the greatest, most nefarious foe she had ever encountered. Worse than King Sombra, more heartless and cruel than King Grover, and a musical rhythm that would put even Doctor Sombrero to shame. She was darker than any night she feared, and cuter than any button she dreaded to conceive.
“SWEETIE BELLE!!!” Princess Luna hollered, belting out the full, destructive force of the Canterlot Voice, and shaking the building to its very foundations.
The filly in question bounded through the aisle, a smile on her face, and clipboard clenched between her teeth. Her mane and its pages flapped in the wind as she glanced behind her, taking only a moment to stock her pursuer’s progress before flitting around the corners with the elegance and grace bestowed upon her by her sister. She giggled, and shook her head. “Nhm.”
Behind her, several feet away and enclosing quickly, Princess Luna lumbered with not so much grace. The shelves shivered and shook around her, as the deafening *boom* of angry hooves carried through the archives, and Princess Luna carried after, rolling down anything in her way like a freight train on the loose. Her head low, wings raised, and her gaze stern, she shouted once more, “BRING THAT PAGE BACK HERE RIGHT NOW, OR CELESTIA HELP ME I’M GOING TO—“
She cut herself off, a grin spreading across her face as she glanced Sweetie’s tail flit away around a corner. Now she had her, Princess Luna thought. The pink one may think she’s getting away, but little does she know, few know these passages quite like she.
Admittedly, she was the one to get them lost in the first place, but—Luna huffed—That wasn’t her fault. The clip boards were lying to her. Now she was sure where they were, and Luna knew, as an absolute fact, that this particular turn led to a dead end in approximately—
She kicked back, skidding to a near halt, and swung around the corner expecting to see Sweetie Belle run up against the far end of the passage, trapped with nowhere to go. Instead, she was face with a stone wall. “MOTHER—” Princess Luna swore and grit her teeth. She threw up her hooves, averted her face—anything but the face!—and braced for impact.
In those last moments before impact, as the princess glanced to the left, spied her new nemesis—Sweetie Belle crouching around the corner, flaunting the clipboard in one hoof, whilst she stuck out her tiny tongue. She felt the slight ache in her chest and, if she weren’t about to die horribly, Princess Luna was sure she would be dead from heart attack.
She barrelled through the wall, decimating it, and continued for several feet, sliding atop a pile of rubble, until she came to a halt in the middle of the main reading area, and slumped forwards in defeat.
“...Woah.” A filly’s voice sounded directly above her, and Luna, gathering her strength, lifted her head and squinted up at the owner. Sweetie Belle kneeled before her, a look of genuine concern written all over her face. “Princess, are you okay? I didn’t expect it to go like that.”
Princess Luna groaned. She shot up to her haunches, grabbing the filly in both hooves and shaking her as she shouted. “Aha!” A triumphant grin on her face, still shaking the filly and eliciting a jangling from her, she proclaimed, “We have caught thee, now return the clipboard to us so that we might—”
“Ahem,” a third voice coughed, alerting them both to the presence of a third party.
Luna paused, and she turned, Sweetie Belle joining her as they looked to the owner. A greying stallion, with a bleached white coat, a frown so deep it was only challenged by the depth of the wrinkles etched across his face, and a rainbow-coloured fake beard flowing down as far as his ankles.
“Uh, Torn Page!” Luna cried. Putting on a grin and sitting upright, she quickly hid the filly—and clipboard—behind her back. “W-what brings you here?”
By now, several other worker ponies and librarians alike had left their posts, and now stood forming a circle around the princess. Each one had the same, disapproving scowl.
He blinked; his features unchanging. “Princess, with all due respect—”
“Now, now,” Luna interrupted, “This isn’t what it looks like. We were simply trying to find a scroll that my sister filed away in here.”
“You mean...” The stallion reached behind his back, dipping a hoof into his saddlebags, and produced the exact scroll in question. “...like this one?”
“Yes!” Luna’s eyes lit up. “That’s the exact one!” She jumped to her hooves, completely forgetting everything prior, and trotted up to the stallion, reaching forwards with a hoof intent on taking the scroll. “Now, if you would hoof it over to me, we can undo this ridiculous ruling and be on ou—“
“Ah!” Torn Page jerked his hoof away, putting the scroll out of Luna’s reach just before her hooves could clasp down around it. He took a step back, putting a hoof between them and halting her advances to a hoof to the chest. “I’m sorry, Princess, but what dealings do you have in the governance of this country?”
“Wha—” Luna was taken aback. Her jaw almost dropped, and she exchanged glances with Sweetie Belle. “I am a princess!”
“But are you the princess, hm...?” Torn Page leaned in smugly, wobbling his eyebrow. He then snapped back to his own position, waving to the scroll in his hoof to explain. “I’m sorry, but you need the agreement of two princesses in order to do that.”
“I—Ugh—” Princess Luna groaned, facehoofing. She then continued to groan into her hooves as she ran them down her face, and spun around, glancing quickly at the ground as she spoke. “Okay, okay, hold on.” She grabbed a stray scroll from the ground and turned to face Sweetie Belle.
“Sweetie Belle,” Princess Luna began in her most regal voice and the filly perked up. Sweetie’s eyes grew wide as Princess Luna lowered the scroll onto her shoulder, and then the next. “I, Princess Luna of Equestria, hereby dub thee Princess Sweetie Belle, princess of, uh...” She paused, holding the scroll in place. “...marshmallows and hot chocolate.”
“Ooh!” Sweetie’s face lit up, a smile forming, and stars sparkling in her eyes. “Does that mean I get to learn... chocolate spells?”
“Yeah”— Princess Luna nodded, tossing the scroll away-- “whatever.” She whisked Sweetie Belle off the ground and spun back around to face Torn page with the filly held up in front of the. “There,” she huffed, “She’s a princess. Now do the thing.”
Torn Page frowned and leaned in close, squinting as he looked the filly up and down. “Hm...” His eyes narrowed. “... by whose order?”
Princess Luna guffawed. “Wh—Mine!”
“...” The stallion leaned back, considering this for a moment. He nodded— “I’ll have to consult Princess Celestia on this one.” Then, without another word, he dropped the scroll into his saddlebags and trotted past Luna.
Everypony watched in silence, their eyes following the stallion as he made his way across the room, past the circle of ponies, and left the room in search of Princess Celestia.
“Oh, COME ON!” Princess Luna facehoofed—well, theoretically at least.
“Um...” In the silence that followed, Sweetie Belle began squirming in the Princess’ hold. “Princess?” she squeaked, “Could you, um, put me down, please?”
“No.” Luna replied, matter of fact. She moved Sweetie Belle to under her arm as she turned, with princessly poise, and then broke into a gallop, chasing off after Torn Page.
Princess Celestia, Celestia, and Luna stood in the middle of the castle courtyard overlooking an empty path of dirt. They each bore a frown, all except for Celestia, who was currently enjoying her role as the Duke of Banana, and had summoned an entire bundle of her citizens to hold under her shoulder whilst she procedurally peeled, cut, and ate each of them, one at a time.
“...strange.” Luna was the first to speak. Scratching her chin, she squinted and levitated one of the glass shards in the air.
It glistened in the afternoon sun, reflecting a ray of light and immediately blinding the pony to her right. “Gah!” Celestia screamed, dropping her bananas and falling back. She collapsed to the ground, clutching at her face with her hooves screaming, “MY EYES!” as she rolled around helplessly on the floor behind.
The other Celestia ignored her own antics. She nonchalantly picked up the pile of bananas, pulled one off in her magic, peeled it, dismissed the peel to somewhere she didn’t care about, and took a massive bite. “Yesh, welsh,” she began, speaking past a mouth full of the mushy delight, and leaned in closer to Luna’s side, “Arsh yoush shure thash the rish shpot?”
“Absolutely.” Luna nodded. She flicked the glass to the ground, showing no lack of disgust, and turned to her sister. “Why do you ask?”
“Well...” Celestia rolled her eyes, and stepped side. “It’s just...” Without another word, she motioned to the sea of broken glass behind them, and then up to the rows upon rows of smashed windows covering the entire east side of the castle. Near the top, Luna spotted a contingent of Royal Guards and worker ponies grappling with a hanging scaffold as they struggled to slot the coloured shard back into place.
In the brief bout of silence, Celestia’s screaming came to an abrupt halt, and was replaced with a distant, but interested, “Oh, wait.”
They both continued to ignore her. Luna’s ears dropped, realisation dawning on her. “...Oh.” She then shrugged, and crossed her hooves. “Well it wasn’t my idea to play Buckball inside the castle in the first place.”
“No, but you very well could have stopped me,” Princess Celestia deadpanned.
Luna’s ears perked, and she had to suppress the urge to laugh. Instead, she looked to Celestia with but a slight smirk. “Well, it is your castle after all—” she punctuated with a prod to Celestia in the chest, eliciting a slight scrunch and a glare from her. “You have all the right to be playing Buckball inside it however much you like.” She then turned her nose up and spun around, putting her back to Celestia. “I am in no position to be stopping you.”
Celestia was taken aback. “I—” She was at a loss for words, flushing slight pink as the rage began to well up inside her. “’In no position to stop you’!?” she screamed, dropping the bananas and trotted around to Luna to look Luna in the face. “’NO POSITION TO STOP YOU!?’” she repeated, unintentionally mimicking Luna.
“Yes,” Luna nodded, not one to be intimidated. This wasn’t the first, not would it likely be the last time she’s be subjected to the force of the Canterlot Voice, thus she held her ground, standing like an immovable rock, or a moon, maybe.
Celestia continued unabated. “I was dragging me across the entire castle calling for your help!”
“And how am I supposed to be interpreting that?”
By now the princess had turned completely red, and was on the verge of setting her suit aflame. She trembled, like an exploding sun, and she glared down at Luna. “How—” she started, but stumbled over her words as they caught in her throat. She took a gulp, and seethed. “Sister, is this going to be a repeat of one thousand—”
Suddenly, the two titans were interrupted before butting heads by a hoof on each of their shoulders, and Celestia butted her head in between them. “Hey!” She looked to each in turn, glanced between them with a smile. “If you two are all done here, I think I’ve found Princess Luna.”
“Princess Celestia!”
Galloping as quickly as his hooves could carry him, Torn Page’s eyes scanned the hall, shooting back and forth in search of the princess, at the same time keeping an ear turned back for the sounds of his pursuer. Behind him, a pair of saddlebags bobbed against his back as he ran, the edge of a tattered, torn, and crumpled scroll poking out from under the top flap. Beyond that, were the rumbling roar Metal-clad hooves against marble tiles.
“Celestia!” Page repeated, pleading. He skidded to a halt, grabbing hold of a passing housekeeping pony by the shoulders and looked her in the eyes. Their heads almost knocked together as he screamed. “Where’s Princess Celestia!?”
The pony flinched, recoiling from the sudden violence. She shrugged, pulling a hoof free, and pointed towards the castle gardens. “I think I saw h—”
“DO NOT THINK THAT THOU HAST LOST US THAT EASILY!”
Princess Luna’s voice boomed, reverberating through the hall and making both ponies jump. The walls and ceiling rumbled, shaking under the force of the Canterlot View—Nightmare edition.
“Ah!” Page blanched. Screaming, he pushed the maid out of his way and set off in the direction she’d pointed, screaming back a quick, “Thanks, and you never saw me!” over his shoulder.
The maid took a step back and watched as the stallion galloped away, turned a corner to take the stairs, and immediately forwards, tripping over his own beard. Soon after she was passed by a whirlwind, and a pink-purple haze as Princess Luna took chase.
“—‘In no position to stop you’!?”
Celestia sat on the steps of the castle, half dressed in her banana suit with the lower half draped over her withers. She was joined by a banana guard with a large bottle of industrial-grade sun block. He showed no excess of enthusiasm as he procedurally rubbed the thick lotion in the Princess’ shoulders and mane whilst she watched curiously as her sisters argued.
It wasn’t long before both of them perked up, their ears pricking at the sound of faint screams, clomping of hooves, and the unmistakable—partly due to being the direct target many times in the past—wrath of Princess Luna, and a stallion approached from behind gasping and wheezing.
“Princess—” Torn Page gasped, holding a hoof to his chest—“Celestia.” He leaned sideways, bracing himself against the doorframe. His appearance now much more fitting of his name, the stallion was a mess with his mane and tail frizzed and clumped, and his beard long since discarded and replaced by a brown ‘stash.
A wave of relief washed over him as soon as he’d seen Princess Celestia, and immediately he flashed a quick bow, inclining his head. “I’m so sorry for interrupting, Princess, but I—” he breathed “—have a very important matter to bring to you.”
“Do you think it could wait?” Celestia asked. She gestured behind her, to the other princesses currently standing in the middle of the courtyard, breathing down each other’s noses like a married couple. “I’m kind of in the middle of something here.”
“Um...” Page looked up, past the princess, towards the second Celestia and Luna as they began wrestling with each other in the dirt. He blinked once, then a second, and a third, not fully understanding what he was witnessing.
Finally, realising that he’d been staring, Torn Page coughed into his hoof and decided to roll with it anyway. “Uh, yeah”— He levitated the torn remnants of the scroll up in his magic. –“I, uh...” He gestured to the scroll, looking to it momentarily, and then dropped it. “I’ve been requested permission to give as permission that you allow permission for Princess Luna to—“
“Wait!” Celestia cut in. Her eyes suddenly lit up at the mention of her sister’s name, and she leaned in closer as she whispered. “... Did you say ‘Princess Luna’?”
“Uh, well...” Page was taken slightly off guard by the princess’ sudden advanced. He took a step back, glancing nervously to the banana guard beside him—who responded in kind with a shrug. “...” He inclined his head, his voice-- slightly unsure—wobbling as he answered the princes. “Y-yes, b—”
“Say no more!” She beamed. Spinning around, Celestia pointed a hoof to address the guard, “Private Pansie—”
The guard was cut off as Celestia continued over his own words. She spun on her heel, turning her back to them both and waving a over her shoulder as she spoke. –“Stay here, watch Mr. Page for me, and make sure he doesn’t disappear.” Thus, just like that, the princess set off after her other self and Luna screaming, “Hey, guys! I think I found her!” and leaving Torn Page and the banana guard alone to their own devices.
At length, Torn Page spoke up. “Um...” He coughed into his hoof, and cast a sideways glance at the guard, looking up and down his yellow-clad self. “... so, do you like b—”
“Don’t,” the guard snapped, almost growling beneath his breath, “... say it.”
“Ugh...” Luna let out a silent groan beneath her breath, heaving a sigh as she followed the other princesses back towards the castle. She wobbled on her hooves, just barely keeping up whilst she used one hoof to massaged the giant, royal, hoof-shaped bruise and black eye, and a spark of her magic to keep the remaining fruit from tumbling from her head.
After several more, agonising steps, when neither Celestia seemed to pay her any heed, Luna frowned and repeated slightly louder. “...OW!”
Princess Celestia’s ears pricked and she glanced back over her shoulder, meeting eyes with Luna’s deathly glare. “Well”— She shrugged, and turned back to continue walking. –“I certainly hope you learned your lesson.”
“Oh yeah,”—Luna rolled her eyes—“Totally.” The sarcasm was palpable. With a flicker of her horn, the princess cast a short spell, and then—her mood lightening—she cracked a smile and summoned an enchanted icepack to place over her eye. It adjusted slightly against her face, eventually settling into a comfortable position. When she was sure it wasn’t about to fall off, Luna continued. “But did you have to slug me?”
“Yes,” was Celestia’s only reply.
“Immediately after you broke up the fight?”
“Yes!” Both Celestias responded, and Princess Celestia paused to look over her shoulder, giving Luna a quick glance up and down before adding, “It was either that, or we banish you to the moon, again.” Then, turning away from her sister and the invariable onslaught of daggers, both imaginary and real, she turned to herself. “So, Me, where did you say you found Princess Luna again?”
“Right here!” Celestia shouted with glee. She came to an immediate halt in the middle of the path, so quickly so that neither of the other two princesses was prepared for it.
Princess Celestia was the lucky one. Despite being the closest to herself, she was able to jump out of the way and stumbled harmlessly forwards to come to a stop next to Celestia. Luna, however, was less so fortunately. With her mind preoccupied with her revenge plans for several princesses, the throbbing headache screaming for her afternoon coffee top-up, and the lack of a second working eye, she barrelled into both Princesses without barely the chance to slow down.
“G’ahhh!” Both Celestias screamed as they were toppled to the ground, a resounding thud as several royal flanks collided with the dirt—assuredly—shaking the castle’s foundations and waking up anypony in a five mile radius.
“Luna!” Celestia shouted.
“Get off of me, you—” The other Celestia was cut off as a hoof collided with her mouth, shutting her up for good, “—Mmmfmm!”
“Well, it serves you right,” Luna quipped back. She turned up her muzzle, crossed her hooves, settled into a sitting position atop her sisters, and refused to budge.
“Get—” Princess Celestia growled, muffled beneath the mound of fur and feathers. A golden glow started beneath the pile and a silent rumble began, growing in strength. The pile shook, and then did nothing for a second.
The other Celestia glanced to Luna. “Mmmf?”
There was another rumble, a flash, and the pile exploded into a flash of golden magic. Luna and Celestia were thrown to the side, whilst Princess Celestia rose to her hooves, her eyes blazing and mane burning. She settled back to the ground and, after a moment to cool off, she rounded on the other two. “YOU— ” she growled her Canterlot voice, and held a hoof past the height of her horn. “I’ve had it just about up to here, with you and your antics!”
“You tell her, sis,” Celestia cheered from her position on the ground. She rolled over to lie on her side, giving a slight hoof-air-bump.
“SHUT UP,” Princess Celestia growled as she turned to glare to Celestia. “You’re just as much the problem here. I had no idea that I was so hard to live w—”
“Princess Celestia!”
The princess’ tirade was cut short by a stallion’s yell, and before either of them had the time to orient themselves they were swarmed with the clatter of hooves, flutter of feathers, and the resounding stomps of an Alicorn goliath. Princess Luna and Torn Page leaped from their perch outside the castle steps and rushed forwards to greet the princess.
“Celestia, thank Celestia it’s you!” Torn Page was the first to arrive, skidding to a halt in front of the princess and shouting, “and you!” as he glanced between the two other princesses. Torn between bowing and saluting, he bobbed his head frantically, shuffled on his hooves before launching into his explanation. He grabbed the saddlebags from his back and held them up in his magic. “Princess, Princess Luna has requested that—”
“Sister,” Princess Luna began in time. Stomping up behind Page with Sweetie Belle still hanging up her shoulder, she shoved the stallion aside and shouted. “Please just overturn this ridiculous—”
“—beard clause—” Torn Page shoved his way back in—“and I told her that she needs agreement from at least two—”
“—so I did, and then he said—”
“—but she doesn’t—”
“I’m a princess.” Sweetie belle chimed in, her voice crackling slightly as it broke into the higher octaves. Somewhere in the near vicinity, there was the clatter of armour, and a loud rumble as a full contingent of guards collapsed to the ground clutching at their chests.
Everypony went silent, their eyes drawing to the white filly dangling, helplessly, like a piece of luggage cuddled beneath Luna’s shoulder. She looked around with a grin and wide eyes, until her ears finally drooped and she took on a more meek expression. “Um...” she frowned, “what?”
Celestia groaned, facehoofing. She reached a hoof up to massage her temples and whispered beneath her breath. “Just... one at a time, please.” She took a deep breath, and looked to Princess Luna. “Luna.”
Luna raised a hoof and—
“Not you.” Celestia snapped, cutting off the princess before she could even speak out a single work. She nodded to Princess Luna, the Princess Luna standing in front of her. “Explain to me slowly: what the hay in Tartarus are you talking about!?”
“Sister,” Princess Luna took a step forwards. She shifted Sweetie Belle around, causing her to wiggle and squirm, scrunching with agitation for being treated like a piece of luggage. “Please,” she begged, pouting and putting on the puppy dog eyes. Following a slight squeeze to convince her, Sweetie Belle did the same, and they targeted Celestia with dual barrelled cuteness. “Pweeese, just say you’d undo this ludicrous beard law?”
Both Celestias shared a glance, each raising an eyebrow. They turned back and, in perfect unison, “No,” they deadpanned.
“Wha—” Luna scoffed. Their pouts completely wiped from their faces, Luna stumbled back from the shock. She knew Celestia for being hard to break, but this was ridiculous. “Why not!?”
“Well, why should we?”
“Be—”
Luna began, but was interrupted as Mr. Fancy Pants came trotting past, still with his beard firmly glued in place. Just as silky and resplendent, his beard trailed for almost a full meter behind him as he walked, so much so that the contingent of banana guards that accompanied him had to break formation to walk around it. They could only guess, by the massive stacks of papers the guards carried, that he was on his way back from his second meeting with the Board of Hoarse Puns and Typos about their name.
Meanwhile, from the other side, Princess Celestia and Luna spied a pair of guards trotting the other way. They kept their heads held high, carrying pointed spears at their sides and dragging their beards along the ground as they walked.
Mr. Fancy Pants nodded a polite greeting to the princesses, to which they responded in like, watching silently as Mr. Fancy Pants trotted past, and continued down the passage, just missing the pair of guards.
They watched for a good few minutes as Fancy Pants made his way across Canterlot, trotting several more feet before turning the corner and disappearing from view.
Luna let out her breath, heaving a sigh and relaxing. “Wow,” she wiped a brow, and glanced to the ponies around her. “For a minute there I thought he was going to t—“
“Wh—aaaahh!” Fancy Pants’ voice sounded, screaming from down the passage followed by a resounding thud, a crash, and a burst of papers scattered to the winds as his guards followed suit.
Everypony present winced, and Princess Luna covered the foal’s ears and eyes her hooves, which Sweetie angrily batted away.
“I...” Celestia conceded, “...see your point.”
A beat of awkward silence dropped as the princess each exchanged a few glances and, fidgeting slightly, Luna spoke up. “Well, the week’s almost over anyway,” she said, half asking as she looked to the nearest sister. “Right?”
“Oh yeah!” Princess Luna lit up. Her ears perking, a wide grin spread across her face. “I almost forgot”—nodding quickly, she beat a hoof against her puffed out chest and held up the filly in her arms. “Sweetie Belle said I could come with!”
“Wait what!?” Sweetie did a double take. “I—I didn’t say th—”
“There is no way she is coming with,” Luna quipped, cutting Sweetie Belle off. “I have enough me’s running around accosting my guards, stealing my moon cakes, and accusing me of doing all of them.” She huffed and crossed her hooves, “Thank you very much.”
“Wh—” Princess Luna gasped, half shocked, half flabbergasted. “You did do all of that!” she screamed.
“You see what I am talking about?” Luna shouted, waving her hooves at herself whilst she glanced to the Celestia’s for assistance.”
However, her pleas went unanswered as each Celestia launched into their own protests. “Hey!” Princess Celestia shouted, her voice rising above the other as she butting in between the Lunas, “If she’s coming with, then you can bet my pudgy royal flank t—”
Beside her, the other Celestia scoffed, only slightly offended.
“—that I am too!” Princess Celestia finished.
“You can’t do that!” Both Lunas shouted, their voices falling in perfect unison as they shot Princess Celestia a glare.
The first, Princess Luna, snarled slightly. “She already promised to take me!”
“Yeah!” Luna agreed, moving to her own side and crossing her hooves as they took a stance against the Celestias.
“And how is that going to stop her from taking me as well?” Princess Celestia asked, to which each Luna shared a look, raised eyebrows all around.
They shrugged, and the second spoke. “That’s—” She pouted, both of them going slightly red in the ears. “I don’t know,” she huffed, “It’s ju—”
“Quiet!” Sweetie Belle suddenly shouted, her voice crackling in the higher octaves as she screamed. The princesses ground to a screeching halt, each going silent as they looked down to the—very much annoyed— filly suspended between them.
Sweetie Belle looked up to the princesses through narrowed eyes. She turned a slight shade of red as she trembled with anger and stray spark bounced off the end of her horn. She wriggled slightly in Princess Luna’s hold, prompting the princess to hold her slightly higher to see them all at eye-level.
“Listen,” she squeaked in her most, hopefully though not actually, intimidating voice ever. “I made absolutely no such promise to Princess Luna. I only agreed to bringing one set of princesses—” Gritting her teeth, she squeaked out slightly louder for emphasis – “One! I’m not taking any more, and that’s final.” She crossed her hooves, putting a lid on the conversation with a pout and a sideways turn in Luna’s hooves.
“Well...” Celestia began, exchanging a knowing glance to herself.
They both leaned in closer, and Princess Celestia added with a mischievous smirk. “...What would it take to—”
“—change your mind?” Celestia finished.
Sweetie’s ears perked, her interest peaked at the potential offer. She brought a hoof up to her chin and ran it through the hairs of her beard, a thin smile spreading across her muzzle as she turned back, slowly. “... I’m listening.”
Meanwhile, several miles away in an adjacent town, Pinkie Pie was in the middle of taking inventory.
“One chimi-cherry-changa,” she sang as she skipped down the rows of treats, a clipboard in hoof and a pen hanging from her mane. “Two chimi-cherry-changa, three chimi-cherry-changa, four chi—”
As she was about to reach the end of the row, all of a sudden there was a bright flash. The entire show exploded with a blaze of magenta magic. “Yah!” Blinded and flailing, Pinkie was thrown away from the counter. She dove, scrabbling across the storefront as quickly as she could, and took cover beneath the nearest table.
There was a loud rumbled and a crash, followed by a resounding thud and a squelch, almost like something heavy and solid, almost confectionary-like—scratch that—definitely confectionary-like landed in the middle of the shop.
Pinkie hesitantly peeked out from under the table, first her ears and a massive bundle of pink fluff, pricked and at the ready for any signs of evil. When no sound came, she heaved a sigh of relief, wiping the sweat from her brow, and risked another glance. She poked her head out from under the table, and looked around the shop. “Oh my—” Pinkie gasped. Her jaw dropped, slamming into the table, and began watering as her eyes widened to take in the sight.
“Cakes!” she screamed at the tops of her lungs, and sprung out from under the table. Dashing over to the towering pile of confectionaries, she trotted quickly around inspecting them critically. They were all shapes and sizes, all different flavours too. “Chocolate, Vanilla, Raspberry, Almond, Caerot, Carrot, even—” She squee’d internally a little as she listed off just a few of them. “—even,” she whispered, almost in reverence, “Royal Velvet.”
She was awash with excitement, and awe—awecitement—and trembling on the spot when a thought occurred to her. “Wait!” She snapped her jaw shut, wiped the spittle away with a fetlock, and put on her most serious, serious face. “I have to get these into the fridge, stat!” She blinked. “And my stomach!”
Just as she was about to grab the nearest piece of Angel’s Fruit cake—not to be confused with the Angel’s Food cake, which is just meh—Pinkie was given pause as something caught her out the corner of her eye. A single, small corner of a note poked out from between the icing, flapping slightly as the pile swayed.
“Oh!” She snatched the paper out from its hiding spot, before shouting, “And a note!” She turned it over in her hooves, and unfolded it to reveal the contents. “’From Princess Luna’?”
Pinkie went silent, her eyes looking over the page. She blinked, and glanced around her to make sure there wasn’t anypony in the room. Good, she thought, Just me and the cakes.
“Yeeeee...” She squee’d again, a wide grin spreading across her face as she hugged the note against her chest, rocking it in a tight hug. “Thank you, Best Princess!” she screamed into the rafters.
“Ahem.”
Her giggling was promptly interrupted as a mare’s voice coughed behind her. Pinkie Pie froze, turning slightly pale. Slowly, she turned around, her grin completely gone—“Uhh...”—and laid eyes on none other than Princess Twilight Sparkle.
The mare stood half concealed in the shadows. Her hooves were crossed and she bore a serious look on her face, one brow raised and wings spread for seemingly no reason as she silently glared.
“Oh, um...” Pinkie gulped, and took a step back away from the princess. “H-how long have you been there?”
“Long enough,” she said, taking a step forwards.
“Oh, uh...” she gulped again, forcing the lump down in her throat. At this point, Pinkie was beginning to sweat. The room suddenly felt a lot warmer, for no reason. She decided it was time she left, and slowly started to a backwards retreat towards the exit. “Okay, Twi, the shop’s closed, so I’m gonna...” She turned tail and bolted, scrambling for the front entrance.
There was a flash of magic, and the chiming of bells as the princess appeared directly in front of her, glaring all the harder as she blocked the only exit. Pinkie skidded to a halt in front of the princess, and began a slow retreat back towards the cake, Twilight keeping pace as she glared her down.
“Uh... uh...” Glancing around nervously, and backed up into the corner with no other options, Pinkie broke into tears and screamed. “End the chapter!” she cowered, “End the chapter now!”
Rarity flitted across the workroom floor of her boutique, dancing to the tune of her own work. Sewing machines sang in the background of their own accord and tapestries, needles, and thread danced around her form, each with their own task.
The scent of rose petals and jasmine added their own allure to the scene, only heightening Rarity’s enraptured focus as she hummed tittered below her breath. “My-my, Senioré Brandevyne, you’re absolutely going to adore this new gown,” she sung, casting an eye over the steady built shoulders of her ponyquin.
The clothes horse responded in kind—no movement at all—which caused Rarity a bout of giggle. She fluttered her eyes, her cheeks tinted red as she shied away from the mannequin hunk. “You charmer”—she slapped with a playful hoof—“You always know what to say to make a mare blush...”
“Oh my, Rarity,” somepony said.
Rarity’s ears pricked, her eyelid twitched, and she spun back, a single strand of mane springing free from the back of her head as she glanced to the far side of the room.
There, standing on its lonesome at the edge of the fashion stage, a single bag of flour seemed to move of its own accord. “My dear,” it said, in a distinctly Prench accent. Possibly a late-ish post-modern interpretation of such, Rarity could presume. It was terrible none-the-less “Honey, you seem to be speaking to yourself again.”
“Oh no!” Rarity shook her head vehemently. She turned back to her work and picked up a measuring tape to wrap around the hem of Senoré Brandevyne’s flank. “This happens all the time, darling. Any time I get too worked up with my work, I tend to get a little...” Her eyes went distant for a moment, turning wall-eyed before she snapped back to the present. She straightened her sewing glasses with a cough. “Not to worry. I’m perfectly under control, miss, um...”
“Madam Lé Fleur.” The sack of flour flopped over, spilling some of its contents off the edge of the table.
“Lé Fleur?” Rarity raised an eyebrow. She left the tape to continue its work, her attention turned fully back to the inanimate object. “Aren’t you supposed to be one of Pinkie’s friends?”
“Zee—” The bag responded. It seemed to deflate at this, sinking even further over the edge of the table. A steady stream of flour trickled from the open end as it spoke. “It is a sad day, indeed, for myself and Pinkie—how you say? We have had a disagreement.”
“Oh, my—” Rarity gasped. “I’m so sorry. What did she do?”
“She has done the unjust.” Lé Fleur sighed. “Pinkie Pie has made se Cupcakes, out of me and by brethren.”
“Oh, that’s absolutely—”
TAP TAP TAP
A soft rapping on the door sounded through the boutique, causing Rarity to flinch. Seemingly snapped out of her trance, she glanced around herself before settling on the front door. A soft knocking of a hoof repeated form outside and Rarity paused. Her ears flicked and she scrunched her nose. “Ahem,” she coughed, smoothing out her mane and resuming her work. “Darling, come in!”
KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK
Again the door rattled and again Rarity called, this time raising her voice a tad. “I said come in!
SLAM SLAM SLAM
The door shook on its hinges, dust flying loose as hooves battered frantically against the outside frame. “Ugh!” With a sigh, Rarity threw down her tools, heaving as she push past the piles of clothes, trudging, storming to the front door—and bearing with one last deafening knock and what she could only suppose was the sound of splintering wood she flung the door open.
A hoof swung past her face, grazing her chin and followed quickly in kind by a second. She'd just had the mind to dodge them and immediately ducked when a second pair came in for a second round of beatings. “Wha—” she gasped, then shouted, “Twilight, stop, what are you—!?”
“Rarity!” Twilight screamed at the top of her lungs, forcing Rarity to recoil away clutching her hooves to her ears. She continued forwards, leaning through the doorway to bring them closer, and filling the inside of the boutique with her battering-ram of a voice. “Oh thank Celestia you’re home!”
“Twilight,” Rarity shouted back, “Why are you shouting!?”
Twilight shook her head, and then rubbed her ear. “Sorry, Rarity, I don’t have time for small-talk,” she screamed. “I can take a shower later!” She pushed further into the boutique, levitating a white cat—or mostly white—what with the layers of shredded paper and spilled back ink marking her fur.
Rarity almost didn’t recognise her pet. “Opal!?” she gasped. “Where have you been? I haven’t seen you in days?”
“No, no,” Twilight shook her head. “This is Opal. I found her shredding through the restricted section of my library. She burst my eardrums!”
Rarity took one more step back, rubbing her forehead. As the ringing subsided, Twilight’s screams slowly began to take hold. “What? How? How on earth did she get there?”
“I don’t know how she got there!” Twilight—rather unintentionally—answered, before turning her attention to digging through her saddlebags. She produced a parchment in her muzzle and a quill from the side flap—both she promptly pushed into Rarity’s hooves. “Please, I don’t have time to take care of the bills by myself, but—” She cocked her head, giving Rarity a glare. Leaning forwards, she brought their muzzles almost together, and shouted. “Wasn’t somepony supposed to be watching Opal this week!?”
Rarity stumbled back, pushing Twilight’s face away from hers. She levitated a pair of ear muffs out from the back of the boutique and secured them safely over her paining ears. “Y-Yes—“ she nodded, hesitant for her already ravaged eardrums.
When Twilight remained silent, she continued, slightly less shaky but still apprehensive. “S-Sweetie Belle was supposed to be—“
“Where is Sweetie Belle!?” Twilight screamed. Somehow the earmuff only made her seem louder, and Rarity almost fell back over her own hooves. The only thing stopping her from actually doing so was the fact that she had four hooves, and hence a lot to stand on.
“The Princesses took her.”
“They WHAT!?” Opal and Twilight suddenly shouted, their unison broken only when the latter keeled over unconscious. Opal lunged forwards, leaping out of Twilight’s failing grasp, and latched onto Rarity by the cheeks. “Where did the princesses take her!?”
“Opal, you can talk!?” Rarity jumped, this time actually falling over. The four hooves didn’t help this, not in the slightest, as the two tumbled back onto the floor, Opal still latched onto her face, and now digging claws into Rarity’s shocked, paler than usual, face.
“We live in a magical land surrounded by talking multicoloured Unicorns and Manticores and you’re surprised by this?”
“... I supposed you do have a point.”
“Of course I do. Now”—Opal inched his claws further into the edges of Rarity’s cheeks, drawing out a pained yelp from her owned. “Where did they bucking take here?”
“Mmf!” Rarity hummed beneath the cat’s fur and she immediately began wrestling to pull Opal away from her face. “Mmmhfmfmf!” She pushed herself back into a sitting position and, with the help of her magic, pried the cat away from her mouth, gulping down breaths of fresh air. “Opal!” she gasped, glaring down furiously at the—apparently now talking—feline. “L-language!”
Opal huffed. She crossed her forepaws and turned up her nose. “Hmmf.” Her tail flicked angrily in response to being dangled like a rag doll. “I want you to tell me, or...” she grumbled something under her breath.
Rarity eyed Opal carefully, drawing her gaze over every inch of the feline in search for anything wrong.
So far, nothing.
Though dirty, Opal’s fur was just as well kept as always, and judging by the bleeding claw marks etched into her face, she seemed no less affectionate than normal. Possibly more so, come to think of it. There was absolutely no attempt to gouge out her eyes despite them being well within her reach.
That only left one conclusion.
Rarity hopped to her hooves, humming in her usual cheerful tone. “Come on, Opal, I know exactly what a grumpy like yourself cat needs!”
“For you to answer my questions and shut up?”
“Food!” Rarity cheered, much to Opal’s disappointment.
The cat recoiled in revulsion. “What!?” she screamed, and immediately started to struggle in vain against Rarity’s magic. “That’s not what I mean—”
“Now, now~” Rarity cooed, her tone calming as she dragged Opal, thrashing and clawing, through the air behind her. They both circled through the piles of unfinished clothes. Opal left a long, dragging and tattered scrape over Senioré Brandevyne as they passed, Rarity grunting with effort on every inch. “Don’t be shy. I know you only like those Admiral Biscuits but until Sweetie gets back from her trip to Canterlot I’m in charge and I don’t want you getting high cholesterol.”
“Nooo!” Opal cried. She pulled and clawed, getting into the vague shape of running position as she was pulled backwards. “You’re going to pay for this, Rarity B—” She stopped cold. A sly grin spread across her face and Opal assumed the position—paws pressed together and evil smirk as she steepled her claws. “Canterlot... you say?”
Sweetie Belle was on the edge of her seat. Quite literally, she was dangling off the edge, her tiny hooves kicking aimlessly through the air whilst she stared up into her reflection. An even tinier hoof mirror floated in her green aura, reflecting the dazzling sparkles of her freshly acquired golden tiara, and her brand spanking new, not at all cardboard in any way, princess wings™.
The royal wing bearer had assured her she would grow into them eventually. However, until then, they remained firmly tucked at her sides where they wouldn’t cause any untold damage. The image of the royal wing bearer’s face—stricken with terror—flashed through her mind, and Sweetie quickly shivered, further tucking the wings at her sides. Never before had she caused such pain, and the sounds of the whining ‘hnnnnng’ as all those guards and several passers-by doubled over in rainbows and dumb expressions etched on their faces.
“What in Equestria is taking them so long!?” Princess Celestia exclaimed. Sweetie snapped out of her stupor, ears prickling forward as she watched Celestia pacing through the tiny bedroom.
Princess Luna lay splayed across her own bed, hoof over fetlock. She watched with contempt, eyeing her sister’s pacing, all the while subtly bobbing her head to the sound of music in her ears. She raised her voice slightly, pulling the headphones from her ears with her magic. “Sister, please, you have to be patient. Perfection cannot come easily. It takes time to prepare—”
“We’ve been waiting here for over an hour,” Celestia hissed. She ground her teeth as she ground to a halt, whipping back to face the doorway with a scowl. The doorway which, unremarkably, remained unremarkably closed. “This is completely ridiculous,” she continued, “If I were an ambassador, I wouldn’t take this from myself. Leaving anypony of high stature to wait long than—“
Luna snickered. She rolled her eyes as she stowed her headphones back in her lobe. “Peleeeese,” she rolled out the last word, watching intently as her sister’s ears twitched in annoyance. “As I have said, perfection takes time. You can’t expect yourself to be ready for anything. After all, the spell to hide that ass—
“Are you implying I am a diva!?” Celestia practically screamed, spraying spittle as she spun around on her sister. Sweetie Belle was bowled back from the bottom of the futon by the force of The Canterlot Voice. “I WILL HAVE YOU—” she coughed. With a glance to Sweetie Belle—concern flashed across her face when she spotted the filly sprawled upside-down against the far wall—Celestia barked out a quick apology. She then turned her attention fully to her sister, her voice lowered as she slowly approached. “I will have you know,” she whispered. An added wave of her hoof added to scolding tone as she leaned into her words. “I have not carried more than twelve satchels with me in several millennia.”
Sweetie Belle squeaked up from behind, her voice cracking as she rolled face-up. “Millennia?” her head tilted, Sweetie scratched behind her ears, muzzle scrunched up adorably. “How old are you, anyway?” she asked.
Celestia’s eye twitched. She swallowed then pushed Regal Smile #45—scolding but friendly to foals otherwise the parents would sue her for the damages to their linen—across her face. “That is,” she spat, “Beside the point.” She puffed her chest, and pushed back her forehead. “I am not a diva. I am a kind, intelligen—”
“Old beyond belief.”
Steam huffed from Celestia’s nostrils. She pointedly ignored Luna’s remark, continuing. “—sensible, and dignified ruler of this country.”
“That sounds like a diva to me.”
“Yeah.” Luna nodded. She glanced to Sweetie Belle, who had very much taken on a certain wry smirk. They both inched closer on their beds. “Diva does mean ‘the sun,’ in Ye Óldé Equish, after all.”
Celestia facehoofed, grumbling unheard—unknowable—profanities beneath her breath as she cursed every higher power—which, as of tonight, was limited to herself, Princess Luna, Princess Luna, Herself, and somehow Sweetie Belle. “I hate you both.”
It was at that moment that the door became no longer unremarkable. There was a soft tap.
TAP, TAP
Almost like a golden-clad hoof has slammed across its outer surface. Celestia, Luna, and Sweetie Belle, naturally, jumped at the sudden jolt, their attention suddenly glued to the remarkable slab of granite. “Yes?” Celestia asked. All but all of her previous anger vanished. “Come in.”
Another gentle tap.
SLAM, SLAM
Celestia and Luna shared a glance. Sweetie belle looked between them. The sense of Déjà vu hung heavy in the air. Princess Celestia decided to take the initiative, and hid behind Sweetie’s bed. “Come in, the door is open!” she screamed.
Another slam, and a crack, and the sounds of voices bubbled from the far side. Then the door burst open, stone shattering and magically enforced—alicornite locks—breaking in its wake.
Princess Celestia strode through crumbling remains of the castle’s strongest entrance-way. In retrospect, nopony should have allowed the guards to reinforce the castle’s security without supervision, Diacuticus be damned. “Finally!” she screamed, exasperated. “I have been knocking on that thing for over an hour! You do realise we have to be ready before midnight; am I correct?”
As she trotted through the door, Celestia was followed by an entourage of no more than twelve eight-ton trunks, an additional carry on, and an apparently extremely sleep-deprived Princess Luna.
Princess Celestia took one look at her trunks, and then glared herself in the eyes as if to say ‘Are you serious right now?’. She could feel Luna—her Luna—drinking this in from behind her back. “You do realise we’re not packing for an expedition to an alternate dimension here?”
“Oh no.” Celestia shook her head. She tapped the nearest trunk, which responded with a happy ‘woof!’ and began waggling its tassels. “This is just the amenities.”
The soft k-tack, k-tack, k-tack of the train’s wheels formed a soft monotonous din in the background, lulling the listener to sleep with their soothing tone. The sun hang low on the horizon, leaving long trails of orange hues sprawled across the wood-lined cabin.
Somewhere ahead the whistles of the Ponyville Express echoed overhead, and the lights dimmed as trees waved passed the unopened window, obscuring the dim landscape with their nettled brows and waving branches.
“Excuse me, sir, but would you like a saucer of milk?”
A low, drawn out and agitated growl sounded in response, barely noticeable under the constant rumble of the Ponyville Express. Anypony would not have noticed the warning, and neither, seemingly, did the train instructor as he stood his ground, leaning eagerly through the open cabin door to gaze at his passenger.
The papers of the Daily Corral fluttered in the breeze before the newspaper crumpled, then lowered gradually to reveal the contorted, gravelly gaze of none other than— “O- Opal?” – Opal the cat.
Her fur was fluffed to almost ridiculous proportions as they pricked with agitation. Every white hair on his head had turned into a veritable fluff of puff just by the pure static in the air—or perhaps some latent effect of a disastrous bathing session. The conductor couldn’t tell, because he was too busy staring at the immaculate pink bow, donned just right between the ears, the perfect complement to the odd clump of dying blood.
“Mmmmmyyyeesss...” Opal purred. He flashed a devilish grin, eyes flashing as a tree passed the window outside. With practiced ease, he set aside the newspaper then stretched out across the bench, kneading into the soft—veritably ruined—tattered upholstery—cracking several vertebrae in the process. “A drink would sounds lovely,” he purred, “Please, bring it with a scone and some crumbled rats. I’m feeling rather peckish this loop, you do understand?”
“Yes, of course!” The conductor shouted. He ducked back out of the car and was just about to start trotting down towards the dining car—with a quick stop at the kitchen from some rats—when he was caused pause by a cough and a raised claw.
Turning back, he was Opal leaning back in his seat, haunches pressed into the soft cushion. “And” Opal added, pausing whilst the stallion squeezed himself back through the tight entrance. The carriage shook a moment, filling the silence, and Opal took the time to size the stallion up and down.
His eyes narrowed, brow furrowing. In a most spectacular feat, Opal took his free claw and ran the the ends of his fingers through the tiny tuft under his chin. “Are you not curious,” he said, cocking his head slightly, “About why you have a talking feline, riding alone, on the most expensive cart you offer on this train to Canterlot in the middle of the night?”
The conductor’s brow furrowed to match Opals. He glanced at his hooves in deep thought. Then, looking back up, he finally admitted. “To be honest, yes, I have been a little curious. We don’t normally get passengers at this time.”
Silence.
“...”
More silence.
“Are you serious?”
“Serious about what, sir?” the conductor responded.
“Are you not shocked, at least?”
“Why would I be?”
“I am a talking cat, you know.”
“Sir, with all due respect”— He tipped his hat politely, retreating from the car backwards one hoof at a time, smiling—“We get talking magical unicorns on daily basis here, sir. This is hardly to be unexpected.”
Celestia was laying out her many trunks beside the bed, a frown on her face as she grappled with fitting the veritable mountain of accessories into the cramped space. Beside her, still sprawled out across her bed, princess Luna was doing whatever was in her power not to care about anything whilst the rest went about organising the rest of the room.
“Clock?”
“Check!” Sweetie Belle chirped. The quill and checklist fluttered in her green aura, bobbing along as she trotted, eyes glued to the page, stumbling along to keep up behind Celestia’s towering flanks. She managed to mark the list before scanning further down and shouting out the next item. “Cupcakes?”
“Check.” Celestia nodded her agreement. Flashing a mile, she lit her horn and cast her mind towards the dresser, pulling the bottom drawer open and retrieving the first of many delicious treats. “This is going to be great for a midnight snack,” she said, and then chomped down on a chocolate-chip-chocolate cupcake with diet chocolate icing. “Mfmfmfmf—“ she swallowed, and left the cupcake to float in her aura as she turned to address Sweetie. “Anything else?” She glanced to the filly, then hazarded a guess, “Magic bags? Magic books? Optional Phoenix?”
Philomena squawked and rattled her cage from the far corner of the room. “No, I don’t think so,” said Sweetie. She glanced to the oversized black book dangling under her shoulder. It was throbbing and whispering sweet nothings in her ear. It was also scratching the floor.
She shifted her stance, pulling her back straight to hold the monster of a tome higher than her ankles. “I have the book, and my bags are under the bed, so....” she trailed off, nose scrunching for but a second as she scanned over the rest of the list. “All that’s left is to get you and Luna into—”
“Oh my Celestia, like, when are we going?” Princess Luna—one of them at least, because at this point who could possibly tell?—strode between them whining like and angst-ridden teen. She had her mane done up into a cute bow. Extra thick, extra black mascara joined her usual entourage of makeup, and she was donned from heat to hoof in moony-moos moon-shoes-patterned pyjamas, chosen to perfectly match her actual moon shoes as a replacement for her usual royal attire. “I’m tired”—she clasped a hoof to her forehead, and flopped backwards onto Sweetie Belle’s bed. “And I’m hungry, and—”
“Luna,” Celestia snapped. She clasped a hoof to her forehead and dragged to slowly down her face as she groused. “... What. Are you. Doing.”
Princess Luna rolled back over. She glanced to her sister, then around the room, then returned to ignoring everything as her music player switched to blasting The Lunar Pirate into her ears and the surrounding neighbourhood.
“Oh, well...” Luna leaned back, glancing to Sweetie Belle and her sister. She frowned. “Aren’t we having a slumber party? I just wanted to get into character.”
“Well...” Celestia crossed her hooves. “One, your acting is terrible—“
“Hey!”
Celestia continued regardless, ignoring the protests from both of her sister. “And Two, only I get to swear by my name.”
It was at this point, that every other Princess in the room pricked their ears. Celestia especially, as she caught a particularly sharp glare from herself, stroking the back of her last trunk like a menacing cat. A square cat, yeah, but a cat nonetheless. “Excuse me?” she said.
Princess Luna—the other Luna—finally glanced up from her music player to join herself and her sister in glaring at her sister.
Celestia glanced to each of them, deflating slightly. “What?” She looked to Sweetie Belle, who had her ears splayed back, and was also giving her a particularly smelly eye. “What did I say?”
“Only you can swear by your name?”
“Well, yeah, uh—” she bit her lip. “It’s... funnierthatway—hey look!” Her hoof shot out to the side, calling her sister’s attention away from herself as she grasped for anything to change the subject. Luckily, she had just the thing: she drew her hoof over to the far corner, where she spotted Princess Luna’s bowling ball bag, dark blue and crafted of leather. There was nothing special about it, other than being crafted from leather, and the fact it was lying there, in this room, slumped besides Sweetie’s own bursting bags. “What’s that?”
Sweetie Belle frowned. “Uh...?”
Both Luna’s shared a glance, and then shrugged as they repeated in unison. “It’s just old clipper.”
“What’s old clipper?”
“We and our old bowling buddies used to go out to the lanes on every fortnight—“ Luna said. The second Luna then picked up where she left off—“It’s a special bag we take everywhere with us because it’s enchanted to hold a near infinite amount of balls.”
“Oh!” Sweetie chirped. Dropping the clipboard, she trotted over to Princess Luna’s side, looking up to her excitedly with stars in her eyes. “Is that where you got the spell we used on my bag!?”
“Mhm.” Luna nodded. “It is. But alas, ours is an older variant that can only take balls. Bowling balls.”
“Oh.”
“Yes, well...” Celestia breathed a sigh of relief. With the situation successfully de-escalated, she returned to checking the list, casually flipping through it and ticking off items with her magic. Every so often, she’d look to another part of them room and tick off every confectionary she sampled, mumbling out loud as she worked. “Anyway, I’m more curious why it’s here,” she said. She tapped her chin with the quill, leaving a clear black streak across her chin. “I mean, it’s not like we’re going onto another pony planet or something.”
“No, but we still wanted to bring it.” Luna insisted. She shifted her position to lean on her fetlocks whilst Sweetie Belle curled up at her side, cuddling under Luna’s wing like a pet cat. She proceeded to pet Sweetie’s mane as she pointed with her other hoof. “Remember what happened last time with the cupcakes?”
Both Celestia and Princess Luna grimaced.“I’d rather forget.”
“No, me neither,” said her sister.
Luna nodded. “Well, I figured if we brought a bunch of things with us we can duplicate them. And with two infinite bowling ball bags I can carry twice as many bowling balls.”
This garnered several confused looks across the room, including Sweetie Belle who coughed up first. “Uh, Princess Luna, are you?”
“Cabbage,” said Princess Luna. She slumped slightly, and her smile went a little off kilter.
“I think she’s allergic to cats,” said Celestia. She glanced up from her pile of trunks for just a moment, then turned back to getting the last one to ‘sit’. There was a single bark, and the sound of thumping below the bed. Celestia frowned as she whispered. “Shh-shh, sit, fido, sit.”
Another bark and Celestia was at this point contemplating teaching her bags to play dead; in a very literal sense.
“Well...” Celestia turned away from the strange scene, clasping ehr hooves together as she exclaimed. “Okay, then.” She tossed the checklist and quill aside then spun back to face her fellow sisters. “I guess we’re ready?” She scanned the room, gauging her sister’s responses before continuing. “Four Princesses—”
“Five,” Sweetie corrected, extending her wings and pointing to her crown for emphasis.
Celestia sighed. “Five Princesses; two beds. How are we going to proceed?”
“Well, let’s see...” Sweetie belle frowned. She squirmed to get free from Luna’s hold, pushing the princess’ hooves off her back as she pulled herself into a ‘thinking’ position—hoof planted firmly under her chin—and frowned—and frowned.
She stuck out her tongue and her eyes began to cross just as one of the Royal Guards stepped through the broken door to deliver his report. He quickly nodded to the princesses, not looking as he stepped into the proper. “Princesses-sess,” he said, “I have a damage report on the—“ He opened his eyes and froze on the spot, emitting a high-pitched “hnnnnnng,” as he clutched at his heart. The stallion slumped then crumbled to the floor, a blissful sigh and a happy smile his last message to the world.
Sweetie Belle looked up from her thoughts. The scrunch on her nose unfolded and her eyes fluttered as she glanced around at the various princesses—each standing with their eyes covered for some reason. “I think I have an idea.”
Sweetie Belle paged frantically through her book—a massive black tome with golden inlays and a glowing red skull floated in front of her, shimmering with a green glow as she muttered to herself and turned the page. “...No, not that...” —the next page—“Chalk Pentagrams and how to— No...”
Princess Celestia, Celestia, and Princess Luna, Luna had already made themselves comfortable in their respective beds, Rarity’s old clock-tocked urgently from its position hung haphazardly above the dresser. Every tick announced their gradual procession towards midnight, grinding on Sweetie’s frazzled nerves whilst the Princesses’ bickering battered against them with a sledge hammer.
“Move over,” Celestia crowed. Sweetie winced. She shut her ears to the sound, and turned her head away, putting the base of Celestia’s bed to her back. Celestia wriggled uncomfortably, causing her side of the bed to creak and moan in anguish. She tugged at the edges of the covers with her magic, unsheathing herself in the process. “Me, you’re taking up all of the sheets again!”
“I’m taking up all the sheets!?” Celestia shouted back. She pulled the covers in response, rolling over as she unlevelled herself from the bed.
“Yes!” Celestia confirmed, then tugged them back, uncovering her other counterpart once again, and began shoving her way towards the centre of the bed.
Celestia jolted and pushed pack, shying away from the edge of the bed. “Stop that!” she snapped back, then grabbed her end of the sheets and began to pull, all the while fending her side of the bed from the encroaching invasion—as Princess of Celestia, it was a point of pride to never give up her land, even if it was just a bed, and the invading forces were unquestionably her own. She was a stubborn mare when she wanted to be. Old age, you see. “This is a princess-sized bed. It’s big enough to hold a small family, and their barber, and somehow you are taking up all the space!”
“Are you calling me fat!?”
“If the cake fits,” Celestia shouted back at herself. She then tugged on the covers, and began a tactical retreat on the northern wall to head her victory on the pillow hills to the south. “Your hiney-est.” With a quick yank, she pulled the pillows out from under herself, and positioned them neatly beneath her own head.
“Ah-g-” Celestia gawked. She glanced to Celestia, then to Luna, and finally to Luna, as if to confirm what she’d just done had actually just happened. “No fair!” She screamed. Then, looking with pleading eyes to Luna, she pouted and begged. “Referee—” Luna glanced, a look of contempt—and exhaustion—etched across her face. Her eyelids were dropping with exhaustion—“I want a recall!” Celestia said.
Sweetie Belle grimaced. She covered her ears with her wings, using the largest of the feathers as makeshift earplugs to drown out the constant bickering. The last thing she heard before the muffled silence was a yelp on the Princess’ part, and the distinct riiiiip a sheet being torn in two.
“Dark spell, Dark spell, how to resurrect Nightmare Moon—”she called out each spell as she flipped through each of the sections. Each one only seemed to be getting darker than the last by the paragraph, and progressively harder to read as the author's sanity was clearly tested. At one point the text seemed to be written in crayon, and the pages began oozing some form of raspberry jelly. –“Foal’s guide to Mind-control”—She earmarked that one. Then, licking the sweet substance from her hooves, she flipped a few chapters ahead. The section on cutie marks was oddly missing, but there was still plenty of material on sleeping spells.
Luna nodded. She blinked, dozed for a moment, and then looked to herself. The room fell into a grateful silence as they whispered between them for a second, before the other Luna raised her hoof to announce their verdict. “We announce Celestia as the victor,” the first said. “Can we go to sleep now?” the second added.
The Celestias looked at each other and frowned. They turned back to Luna and screamed in stereo. “How is that helping!?”
Luna raised her hooves in self-defence, and almost missed smacking her sleeping counterpart upside the head. "Hey, hey! You ask for our help, we offered a solut—"
“Aha!”
Sweetie Belle's shout caused everypony to jump—including the sleeping Luna, who gave a loud yelp as she was almost jolted out of her bed by the aforementioned jumping. Celestia dropped everything and they both scrambled to start picking up the pieces of their fight.
By the time Sweetie belle had looked up from her book, they had just disposed of the torn sheets and had donned their A-grade, never before failed, most innocent—we totally did nothing wrong—polite grins. The types of grins normally reserved for when Fancy Pants caught them with a hoof in the cookie jar, so to speak, or when ponies start asking what happened to Blueblood.
Sweetie's smile faded as her eyes settled on the princesses and the scene around them. She raised an eyebrow at Luna, who returned with a shrug, but otherwise decided it best to ignore them, for the most part.
It was already more than obvious what had happened. Just by looking at the lack of covers on the bed, the over abundance of loose feathers, skewered and deflated pillow cases strewn across each Celestia’s horns, and the glowing black portal shimmering above the headboard, she was pretty sure she didn't want to find out. “I found it,” she said. Sweetie held her book slightly higher, putting, its thick, strong binding between herself and the Celestias as she began to read from it. “To induce a death-like slumber, one must begin by drawing a pentagram...” Pouting, she scanned further down and continued, “Sacrifice the blood of an older sister...” She rolled her eyes then flipped a few more pages. “Declare my undying loyalty to the dark lords Cuddlethulu...” As she turned the last page, her eyes lit up. “A-hah!" She tapped the page. "Here we go!"
Her horn crackled, and Sweetie directed a short bolt to the Celestias. Her voice cracked as she squeaked the magic words. "Aaaand sleep!"
The princesses collapsed into a head atop their bed, a loud, rumbling snore emitting between them as the bed settled under their weight. The black-hole portal behind them, now with no master, wobbled and rippled, and silently slinked out of a nearby window to begin its long and varied adventure across Equestria.
The faint, however welcomed, tick-tick-tock of the clock pervaded. It added an almost calming serenity to the room, like the gentle breeze after a summer hurricane, one change which was more than welcome in Sweetie's mind. She lowered her wings and gently folded them at her side, or at least as close as they would go without brushing against the floor. She straightened her tiara with a flicker of magic then took a glance over the silent room. “Okay...” She drew a long breath, taking a moment to recollect herself. “Now that they’re asleep...” Another deep breath and Sweetie began collecting the magic for another spell. She set the book aside, and directed her attention, and horn towards the other bed. “All we need to do is put—”
Sweetie Belle paused. Both Luna's were lying sprawled in a heap, the covers all but abandoned as they cuddled against each other in their hooves. Their platinum regalia were missing, replaced by moon and rainbow themed pyjamas. The top one bore a wacky grin, whilst the latter had her tongue out, trailing a stream of drool towards a puddle on the floor beside the bed. Both snored like a pair of stunted jack hammers.
Sweetie felt herself crack a smile at the sight. She lowered her magic, and decided to turn away, deciding to leave them. “... O-Okay then,” she said, stifling a giggle. With her job done, and a mild case of heart palpitations [1], Sweetie Belle carefully made her retreat, cantering back to the dresser as quickly as her tiny hooves could carry her.
She pulled out the chair and took a seat, glancing back to the clock to check her time.
11:15
“... Now I just have to wait.”
A soft tap-tap tap-tap-tap called Sweetie’s attention to the window. A small owl fluttered outside, and when she let it in, he came to perch himself on the back of Sweetie’s chair. “Oh hi, Owlowiscious, do you want to come with?”
... but then silly oldé me realised that I hadn’t even connected the mana catalytic conversion matrix into the backwards flux reflow valve! It was going into the half-life refractory foundation composite! I tried to warn Clover about it ... but it was already too late, and when he turned the lever it...
The faded words of Starswirl’s journal swayed and doubled, passing out of focus as Sweetie Belle’s eyes began to cross. She groaned— “Uuuuugggghhhh...” She moaned. Swaying in her chair, she slapped the book across the room, and flopped forwards, slapping her face against the desk.“BooooooooORRRED!” came her muffled drawn-out drawl through the woodwork.
“Who-Who-hoo-hoo!” Owlowiscious fluttered his feathers and came to perch beside Sweetie belle. He gently pecked at her mane before she could shoo him away.
“Yes, yes—” Sweetie waved a dismissive hoof, rolling her eyes as her voice cracked ans squeaked. “I know it’s only been five minutes!”
As she glanced from the owl to the clock, she silently read the time out beneath her breath. “11:50 PM” Just ten more minutes until the end of the loop! And maybe then she could finally put all this weirdness behind her. No more princesses, no more hitchhikers. Hopefully no more loops, either, so long as Celestia keeps up her end of the bargain.
Like they could read her mind, Philomena and Owlowiscious started acting up simultaneously, the former rattling her cage and the latter puffing out her feathers like they were laughing at the tops of their lungs. The former squawked behind her, and then dropped to the ground clutching at her tail feathers, whilst Owlowiscious promptly hooted and dropped onto the sleeping princesses.
Sweetie Belle simply pouted. Her ears flattened, as she looked between the two animals—laughing t her. “Well...” She huffed, and crossed her hooves. Then she crossed her wings over top of them for ultimate harrumph. “I’m allowed to dream, can’t I?”
~ ~ ~
12:55 PM
Sweetie Belle was splayed out on her back, stretched across the Celestias bed, blowing raspberries into the air as she stared aimlessly up into the ceiling. It was strange, she thought to herself. All this time and nopony ever seemed to pay attention to the roof.
She traced a hoof along the corners of the room, the straight lines where the walls and the ceiling meet. Everypony loved to look at the floors, and the walls. They described the furniture, windows, mantles, and even the light fixtures, but did anypony ever stop to look at the ceilings?
No. Never. At least, not that she’d ever noticed.
And it was a pity, too. They were beautiful. Not particularly in Rarity’s place. Those were a gaudy mess off an obsessive-compulsive’s worst nightmare; but these? Canterlot castle was a thing of beauty.
Every inch was covered in the most intricate markings; delicate hoofmareship that could have easily taken hours if not months. The golden inlays—which she followed with her eye—curled precisely around the perimeter of the room, perfectly complimenting the tiny ornate carvings along the perimeter of the wall, And the oil paintings—Oh Celestia—the oil paintings! They were like finely crafted jewels. Photographs of a time long since—
“Meow.”
Her ears perked. Sweetie’s head popped off the pillow to look around, her eyes wide and alert. “Hello?”
“... meow...”
Again, the tiny mewl could barely be heard through the floorboards. Frowning, Sweetie Belle spread her wings and lowered herself to look under the bed. “Anypony the-” The breath caught in her throat as she hung herself upside down, squinting to see into the darkness. “Th-there?”
Nothing.
Only dust and boxes, and several of Celestia’s trunks, were there to meet her. Oh, and a brown stuffed teddy bear.
She gently pulled the toy out from its hiding spot, brushing it off with a fetlock, and slotting it in under her wing. The tiny hat and tattered tuxedo made her want to call it Todd.
“Hm...” Sweetie frowned again. “Well, Toddy...” she said, talking to nopony in particular. Sweetie Belle slid off the edge of the bed, careful not to drop the bear from under her wing. She pulled it closer to her side, tucking her wings against her body, whilst also picking up her hooves to keep from dragging them against the ground. “I could’ve sworn I heard something...”
The sound of something scampering caused her ears to prick and Sweetie stiffened as the hairs on her back stood on end. She held that position for a moment, checking her surroundings. The dark, quiet, surroundings of the guest bedroom... in a large, dark, mostly inhabited castle...
“S-sss-snort,” the Celestias snored.
“Gah!” Sweetie Belle almost jumped out of her skin. In actuality, her whole body jolted forward. One hoof caught on her wing, and as she spread them to regain her balance, she only managed to pull herself further over. She quickly collapsed to the ground on a soft “...oof.”
~ ~ ~
11:59
Scratch-Scratch-Scratch-Scratch
“Meow.”
Sweetie’s eyes fluttered open for a moment. The room around her blurred and folded over itself. The soft blur of dim lights slowly spun and coalesced, forming into the shapes of a desk, a chair, a bed... and pretty much all the rest of a guest room around her.
Her head throbbed. “Ouch...” Sweetie Belle winced. She pressed a hoof to her forehead, gritting her teeth as she recast her shield spells to dismiss the pounding. “What in Equestria...” As she looked round her, taking in the surroundings, she slowly started to piece together what had happened. The first things she noticed were the odd crick in her back, and the fact that everything was upside down. Also, a pair of feathery blankets covering her head.
She moved, and they twitched.
“.... Oh, right.”
She puffed out her lips, cheeks burning red as she spat the feathers out, and rolled onto her back. A quick glance to the clock revealed what she’d suspected: she fell asleep, and in the worst possible way, too.
Lying there on her back, Sweetie silently contemplated her life choices, the Princesses, and the meaning of it all, until hoot and a ruffling of feathers pricked her ears to the sounds about the room.
Owlowiscious had taken to perching on the immobilised and was shuffling around incessantly, flapping her wings and crying. “Hoo! Who—hoo-hooooot!” All the while, Philomena scuttled in her cage, both crying for her attention.
“What is up with you t—”
“Meow.” Scratch, scratch.
Sweetie froze; her ears up and back erect. Sat bolt upright, eyes trained towards the source of the sound.
“Meeeeow...”
There it was again, this time more insistent, and the voice came with the distinct scratching of claws against rood—or metal.
“Oh, um...” Sweetie glanced to the birds, and then rolled her eyes, wiping her brow as she stood and cantered towards the bedroom door. “Relax, you two,” she said, “It’s just a cat. It’s not going to hurt you—” She paused at the door then quickly added. “... Unless you’re a bird, but even them, I’m here. I’ll protect you.”
“Who! WHOOO! WHOWW! HO!!” This did nothing to placate Owlowiscious. Quite the opposite, she went nuts, practically frothing at the mouth as she flew to safety in the highest part of the room. Ignoring that, Sweetie cracked the door open and stuck her head into the hallways. “Squeak, squeak—” she purred, doing her best imitation of a mouse. “Hello? Is there somepony out here?” She looked each way—waving at the security guards. The former waved back, immediately dropped his spear, and then impaled his colleague as he keeled over from overwhelming cuteness.
“Meeeoooow!” Opalescence strutted in front of the door, doing a stretch; tail flicking angrily as she paced in front of Sweetie Belle. “Mrrrrrrmmm...” Her face drooped in agitation as she took a seat, and took to licking the fur behind her paws.
“Opal!?” Sweetie screeched. She glanced back in the room, looking to the clock, then back at the cat. “What are you doing here!?” Pushing the door open, she trotted out into the hallway, one ear turned back to listen for the clock’s ticking.
Sweetie kneeled before the cat and gently reached out to touch her, dragging her frog down Opal’s back in a gentle petting motion, which was responded in kind with an audible purring and mewl. “I mean...” Sweetie said. Her voice dropped to a whisper as she continued her ministrations. “...It’s not like its unwelcome, but you’re really supposed to be at home, with Rarity.”
Opal responded in silence. She stared up at Sweetie, her face just as drooped as ever and even seemed disappointed when Sweetie Belle withdrew her hoof.
“Come on.” Sweetie stood. “We’d better get you somewhere safe before midnight.
The clock ticking still sounded in the background. Sweetie Belle trotted down the hall, gesturing for Opal to follow her. After a few steps, she looked back to see where the cat stood.
“Meow.” Opal hadn’t budged. She was still sat at the door to the bedroom. Her tail flicked, and Sweetie could’ve sworn she saw the cat smirk, as if to say “What now, filly? What now?”
Sweetie Belle’s face dropped. She forced back the urge to groan, and silently pressed her hoof between her eyes and she cursed whatever creator had chosen to put her in this situation. “Pleeeeease, Opal, will you please follow Aunty Sweetie...” She forced the sweetness, and cracked a smile to offer the cat some encouragement.
She leaned lower, smiling as she made pucker faces at the cat. “Come on—” She squeaked—“Come on, Opal!” Sweetie clapped her hooves. “Come to Aunty Sweetie, I’ve got a nice little treat for you—Uh, mouse, treat.”
Opal was deadpanned. Her face said everything. Really? Do I look like a dog to you!?
A third guard passed the two from the adjoining corridor. He made a move to attempt to greet Sweetie Belle, but upon seeing the scene, he immediately froze on the spot. His eyes turned wide as dinner plates and he carefully backtracked away, only to collapse minutes later, unconscious on the other side of the wall.
Sweetie frowned. “...Fine.” She huffed, then stomped her way back to Opal, leaning over the cat with her deepest—objectively cutest scowl. “Pehweeeeeeese come with me?” She begged.
Somewhere, three blocks away to be precise, several more guards suddenly keeled over from an equally as sudden, and quite unexpected, bout of instant diabetes.
Opal rolled onto her back, purring, as she indicated to her tummy for belly rubs, all the while with this biggest, smuggest, grin.
With a long sigh, Sweetie Belle finally relented. “Fine,” she huffed, and started rubbing Opal’s stomach. “You win this one, but only for one second ” Amidst the cat’s purring, she could still hear the clock’s ticking her behind her.
The world seemed to grow silent around the two as Sweetie belle continued to pet the cat. She mulled over her choice in her mind, brows furrowed deep in thought. She had to get Opal a safe distance from the room. She didn’t know what would happen to anypony that was practically inside the door when midnight struck, and she didn’t want to risk taking Opal in with her. Rarity would kill her if she did anything to her ‘precious darling’—however much she wanted to.
Although... With these loops, Rarity didn’t technically have to—
DONG
The castle’s halls echoed with a low, waddling, DONG as the clock-tower outside announced the turn of the hour.
DONG
The floor and walls rippled, turning fluid-like as reality began to warp. Everything around Sweetie started to glow, giving off a faint blue tinge, throbbing with energy.
DONG
Sweetie belle panicked. “No time to think!” She grabbed Opal.
“Mrrrow!” The cat responded by flailing and clawing at the ground, latching onto the spot to resist the sudden movement. “Meeeeoooow!” Opal screamed in protest.
“Come on, Opal!” Sweetie Belle huffed and tugged, dragging the cat behind her as she made a beeline for the bedroom. The corridor was already starting to spark and twinkle with unknown magic as the looping spell took its hold. She was already over the threshold when Sweetie, with one last mighty haul, ripped Opal from the ground and threw them both into the room proper.
She slammed the door shut behind them, cutting off the outside world just as a white light enveloped everything through the castle and the windows outside. Philomena gave her death throws, bursting into flames, alarming Owlowiscious.
The owl hooted, howled, hacked as she fluttered around the room in a blind panic, whilst Opal scratched and clawed around Sweetie Belle’s face to be let go.
Leaving Opal to scurry into the bathroom and do who-knows-what, Sweetie Belle galloped over to the window, shouting—what she hoped—to be reassuring words to Owlowiscious. “SHUT UP YOU STUPID BIRD!”
She slammed the window open, and a wave of fresh air blasted into the room, turning the chaos into a cacophony of chaos. Philomena’s flamed redoubled, burning the walls and ceiling. All the while, Owlowiscious continued to provide evidence for why she was no longer Twilight Sparkle’s assistant. Opal screeched like a—well—mad cat, and the Princesses lay motionless, happily asleep through all of this.
Sweetie Belle almost didn’t notice when the bell tower rang its last tone, and Philomena’s burning subsided to a more docile burn.
Silence pervaded, and the room settled into a mess of strewn items and memorabilia.
