A crossover with Nostalgia Critic, Linkara, and Angry Joe. Not meant to be taken seriously
What do you get when you mix three insane reviewers, a magical land designed for little girls, and a plot convenience so unoriginal and dumb that it makes Rob Liefeld's work look good? You get The Nostalgia Critic, Linkara, and Angry Joe Power Hour of course!
In the darkness of a Minnesotan apartment laid a man who's fought both robots and entities. A man who can survive monstrosities and come back (mostly) unscathed. A man who wears a purdy hat, and bought a magic gun!
Ring... Ring.. Ring... Beep!
"Hello?" The man asked, fighting back a yawn as he held his cell phone.
"Are you awake Linkara?" The other man on the phone asked.
"Nostalgia Critic? Why the hell are you calling at three in the morning!?!" Linkara yelled.
"Good to see that you're awake," The Nostalgia Critic said. "The reason why I called you is simple: you know that field that's near that hotel where we do crossovers?"
"Yes; why?" Linkara asked.
"Well, I need both you and Joe to come over there around noon," The Nostalgia Critic said.
"How am I going to get there? That place is in Phoenix, Arizona!" Linkara argued, clearly not amused by the call at so early hours.
"You could either drive there or take a plane." Answered The Nostalgia Critic.
"Will you be paying for my ticket?"
"Fuck no! Use your own money, you leech!" The Nostalgia Critic replied.
"Fine. I'll see you around noon." Said Linkara and ended the call.
The Nostalgia Critic smiled as he adjusted his cap looking around the field. It was decorated with fresh, green grass and tall, young oak trees.
He looked over at his watch as it read 11:59. They had one more minute to get over here, or else....
A lightning fast object smacked into the Nostalgia Critic, causing him to fall to the ground, along with the unconscious object: Angry Joe.
"Joe?" he asked, kicking the knocked out mass of flesh in the ribs.
"Sweet Jesus!" Joe yelled as he sprang up holding his ribs as he looked over to his assailant. "Asshole."
"Good to see that you're up," replied the Critic.
"Am I early?" asked Joe, looking around seeing only him and the Critic.
"You're on time," answered The Nostalgia Critic, "Shall we wait for Linkara?"
"Why not," said Joe as both he and The Nostalgia Critic stood next to each other, checking their surroundings, waiting for their comic book reviewing friend.
"What time is it?" Asked Joe.
"12:30." replied The Nostalgia Critic.
"How about now?"
"1:30."
"Now?"
"2:00."
"Why the hell is it taking him so-" Joe began, only to be stopped as an object collided into him, causing the Critic to point and laugh.
The object got up and revealed itself to be: Linkara!
Linkara stood, having a face of accomplishment...... that is until a fist connected with his face sending him to the ground. Linkara got up, rubbing his chin as he yelled, "What the hell was that for!"
The Nostalgia Critic rubbed his knuckles as he retorted, "That's for being TWO fucking hours late!"
"I had to go through traffic, airline security, and I had to take a taxi over here!"
"Is that supposed to make me forgive you?"
"Kinda, yea!"
"Well it doesn't!" Yelled The Nostalgia Critic as he walked over to Joe, promptly kicking him in the ribs once more, allowing Joe to get up and scream in pain.
"AGAIN?!? WHAT THE FUCK CRITIC!" Joe yelled as he held his side in pain.
"Now that both of you are here and awake," The Nostalgia Critic began, "the reason why I called you both is because of that!" he said as he pointed a finger to an ominous looking hole in the ground.
"What's that?" Joe asked as he peered down into the hole.
"I think it might be a portal." Said Linkara.
"I'll have to go with Linkara on this one, because when I went here to help set up a convention, I saw two kids, and when a ball they were playing with went in this hole, they went in to get it and they didn't come back." Said The Nostalgia Critic.
"So you want to save the kids?" Asked Joe.
"Fuck no! I just want to see where it leads!" Answered The Nostalgia Critic.
"If you guys are right, where do you think it will lead to?" Pondered Joe.
"Maybe to some alternate dimension." Answered Linkara.
"Maybe to something like Sodor." Said The Nostalgia Critic.
"Should we go in it?"
"You first!" Yelled The Nostalgia Critic as he pushed Joe into the portal, accompanied by his screams of terror.
"Geronimo!" yelled The Nostalgia Critic as he pushed both him and Linkara down into the hole.
As they flew downward, the world around them disappeared as they flew in blue space. The body of space around them soon grew dotted stars around them as they drew closer to another hole. Once they went threw it, the blue space and stars were gone as Joe hit the soil of the hard ground.
Once The Nostalgia Critic and Linkara landed, Joe was knocked unconscious by the force. The Nostalgia Critic was able to stand a little while longer then Joe as he, too, fell to the ground, knocked out. Linkara seemed to be the only one to hold his ground for a minute as he surveyed his surroundings.
Everything looks too cartoony to be real... Linkara thought as he fell to the ground.
As his vision darkened, Linkara could've sworn he saw a purple equine approach him and his friends as he faded to black.
Authors Notes: Hope you enjoyed that prologue for my most insane idea ever! Don't worry, you'll see them interact with the ponies next chapter.
Once Linkara awoke, he was greeted by white walls, a white ceiling, a nice comfy bed, with both Angry Joe and The Nostalgia Critic next to him on comfy beds of their own... and a purple unicorn. Linkara just stared at the equine until it began to speak, "Hello! My name is-" but before it could finish, Linkara let out a blood curdling scream. The creature had to put it's fore hooves into it's ears in order to block out the scream of pure, unadulterated terror.
Soon both Angry Joe and The Nostalgia Critic woke up seeing the equine and, they too, started to scream. “Demon, demon, ah!” The Nostalgia Critic yelled pointing a finger at the creature.
“What the fuck is that!?!” Angry Joe yelled.
“Calm down! I'm not a demon and I'm not here to hurt you! ” the creature yelled through the trio's scream.
“Then how the hell are you talking and why do you have horn?” Linkara demanded, ending his scream, looking straight into the equine's eyes and soon his friends stopped their screams, staring at the equine as well.
“First of all, everypony talks and I'm a unicorn,” the equine responded, “and second of all, what are you ponies?” it asked.
“I'm a human,” he replied.
“A human? What's a human?” asked the unicorn.
“A species of mammal with a penis,” explained The Nostalgia Critic “except for Joe over there.”
“Up yours Critic,” replied Joe, crossing his arms.
Twilight just looked at the group with a strange look until shaking it away asking, “Might I ask what your names are?”
“I'm The Nostalgia Critic! I remember it so you don't have to!” answered The Nostalgia Critic, standing up on the white tiles , making a triumphant pose.
“I'm Angry Joe, or just Joe for short,” Joe answered, getting out of his soft bed and onto the tiles as well.
“My name is Linkara, what's your's?” Linkara asked, approaching the unicorn next to his own bed, extending a hand towards it.
“My name is Twilight Sparkle,” the unicorn answered, extending her hoof in order to give the human's hand a good shake.
“Wait... your name is Twilight Sparkle?” The Nostalgia Critic asked.
“Yes it is why-”
“Sparkle, sparkle, sparkle!” he yelled.
“Fuck yea sparkle, sparkle, sparkle!” Joe yelled hi-fiving The Nostalgia Critic.
Linkara walked up to Twilight saying, “Don't mind them; They're just being morons.”
“I can see that,” giggled Twilight.
“One thing still strikes me as odd though,” commented Linkara.
“And what's that?” asked Twilight.
“Why didn't you attack us when you saw us, or did what we did and screamed?”
“Well, it's not very right to judge a book by it's cover. I need to know more about you three before I can attack or scream,” answered Twilight.
“Wow, that is so cliché,” commented The Nostalgia Critic.
“Agreed,” replied Angry Joe.
Linkara just stared at the two, “Do you guys have any better things to do then be asses?”
“Not at the time, no.” Answered The Nostalgia Critic.
“That's all we can do right now,” said Joe.
“And why aren't you joining Linkara? It's a fucking magical talking horse!” yelled The Nostalgia Critic.
“Compared to what I've seen and did, this is common place and since she showed us some kindness and didn't kill us I think we should do the same,” answered Linkara.
“Fine, but if there's more things like her, I'm punching you in the face,” replied The Nostalgia Critic walking closer to Linkara.
“Agreed,” said Joe, doing the same.
Linkara smiled as he turned to Twilight and said, “May I ask you a question?”
“Of course Mr. Linkara,” replied Twilight
“When you said everypony Ms. Twilight, what did you mean by that?” Linkara asked.
“Well in Equestria, everypony talks.”
“Wait... Equestria? Is that where we are?” he asked.
“Well, seeing that you're in this hospital, yes you are in Equestria.”
“Never heard of it,” said Joe.
“Yeah, do you mind getting us a map so we can take a look and see if this place is real or not?” asked The Nostalgia Critic, clearly doubting Twilight's answer.
“Well, there's one over here,” said Twilight as she directed the three over the white tiles of the room over to a wall, the said wall having a map of some kind framed on it.
“Let's see...” stated Linkara, who put a finger on the frame saying,”here's Equestria.”
“Okay she's right, but let's see where America is,” replied The Nostalgia Critic.
The three then scrunched up their noses on the frame and began searching for their country, coming out empty handed.
“It's not on here!” screamed Joe as he punched the wall, creating a small crater in his fist's wake.
“If America's not on the map, then where the hell are we?” demanded Linkara, grabbing a hold of Twilight's coat, digging his fingernails into it.
Twilight had tears welling up in her eyes due to the amount of pain caused by the fingernails and by Linkara's switch from understanding to heartless.
Linkara sighed, letting go of Twilight as he spoke, “Listen I didn't mean to hurt you, it's just that we're far away from our home and we don't know where it is.”
Twilight sniffled, “It's okay Linkara, if I was in your hooves I'll be freaking out just like you.”
“Now, do you mind telling us what planet this is?” he asked, seeing if they were on a different planet, or just in some alternate reality.
“The planet we inhabit is known as Earth, Mr. Linkara.”
He could feel his blood turn ice cold as the hospital room swirled around him, “Did you say E-E-E-Earth?”
“Yes I did. Why? Is there some-” but when Twilight took a look below her, she saw Linkara passed out, face first, hat beside him on the floor.
Linkara opened his eyes, the brightness of the light hanging above blinding his vision for a moment. He squinted, wiping away the blindness as he looked around.
Once again he was in his little white bed, along with the same white walls, same white ceiling, and same purple coated unicorn.
“My head,” he groaned as he looked around the plain room and asked, “What the hell happened?”
“Well, after I told you what this planet's name was you passed out,” explained Twilight.
“Mind telling me what it was again?”
“It's called Earth.”
“Just as I thought,” said Linkara as he got up out of his bed and got Twilight.
“What do you mean Linkara?” asked Twilight.
“You see, I too, come from a planet known as Earth,” he answered, getting a gasp from Twilight.
“But that's impossible! Unless...”
“Unless this is an alternate reality,” he responded, “Trust me, I've been through multiple alternate realities, each with their own theme and this one's no different.”
“If this is an alternate reality, then how did you get here?”
“Well, The Nostalgia Critic contacted both me and Angry Joe, telling us both to go to some field. It was then we went through a portal in the ground. We all ended up slamming the ground as we fell, each one passing out and when we awakened we were here.”
“A portal?” Twilight asked.
“Yes, a portal,” he replied, “Also do you know who brought us to this hospital?”
“Well, I did. I saw you three on the ground and it looked like you guys were in pain, so I brought you here,” she answered.
“Thanks. If you didn't get us, I don't know where we'd be right now,” Linkara said.
“No need. I'm just helping ponies in need.”
Linkara smiled as he walked over to the door, placing a hand on the handle as he asked, “Do you know where The Nostalgia Critic and Joe went?”
“Yes, they should be near the entrance, waiting for you,” she answered.
"Let's not keep them waiting.” Said Linkara as he opened the door and started to walk towards the entrance with Twilight behind him.
Linkara and Twilight marched through the marble corridors of the hospital, encountering both doctors and nurses as they rushed frantically through rooms. Once they reached the entrance, two fists collided with Linkara's face, sending him to the ground. He got up and yelled, "What the hell!"
The Nostalgia Critic replied, "I told you if there were more of these ponies, I was going to sock you!"
"As did I." Said Joe.
"Fair enough," replied Linkara as he walked over to the two, clenching his nose,"So were do we go now Twilight?"
"I think it'll be best if we visit Princess Celestia and Luna to tell them about your predicament." She answered.
"Shall we be on our way?" The Nostalgia Critic asked.
"Yes, but first we should visit my friends."
"Why? I don't think they can help us," Joe responded.
"Strength in numbers and if we need to use the Elements of Harmony, we'll be ready."
"The Elements of what-now?" asked Joe.
"I think she said Helements of Armory." Replied The Nostalgia Critic.
"I'll tell you later." Answered Twilight as they marched out of the hospital and made their way to the nearby town.
Once the hospital doors closed, the group walked onto the hard soil and began to march. Linkara and Twilight were in front while The Nostalgia Critic and Angry Joe were behind them.
"Hey Twilight?" asked Linkara.
"What is it Linkara?" responded Twilight.
"What's the name of the town that we're going to?"
"Oh! Didn't I tell you guys?" she asked earnestly.
"No you didn't." Answered Linkara.
"It's called Ponyville." Responded Twilight, which got two groans behind them.
"Really!?! I've heard little kids think of better names than this!" yelled The Nostalgia Critic.
"Oh god, shoot me." Said Joe dryly.
Twilight just shot daggers at the two until they reached their destination: Ponyville.
“Well, here we are.” Said Twilight happily as they walked through the threshold and into the town.
All along the sides were multiple houses, each one being made out of stone and some sort of hay for the roofs. In the center of the town were a bunch of ponies as they trotted along, enjoying their day.
“Strange.” Linkara remarked as he looked at the buildings.
“Whats strange?” asked Twilight.
“These houses look like human architecture in the fifteenth century by the looks of it,” answered Linkara before turning to Twilight and asking “Just how old is this town anyway?”
“Actually, I don't know,” answered Twilight, “But by the looks of it, I'll say maybe a hundred years or so.”
“Interesting.”
The Nostalgia Critic raised his hands into the air saying, “Fan-fucking-tastic! We now know how old a pointless town is! Good for us!”
“Now we just need to find your friends, so we can get out of this nightmare of a reality!” yelled Joe.
“Right,” replied Linkara,”Just where is your first friend Twilight?”
“She runs a dress shop not far from here.” Replied Twilight as the group walked further into the town.
The last thing The Nostalgia Critic, Linkara, and Joe expected was a carousel in a land of talking ponies. Was that a fetish or something? The Nostalgia Critic wasn't so sure and he defiantly DIDN'T want to find out.
Joe on the other hand, just stood their with his mouth agape.
“Why the hell is there a carousel here?” asked Joe, once he was able to shut his mouth.
“That's my friends dress shop!” replied Twilight happily as they walked towards it, eventually reaching a door which Linkara gave a solid knock. They looked above the door and there was a sign that read “Carousel Boutique”
The Nostalgia Critic opened his mouth to say something about the store, but then he shut it saying, “No comment.”
They waited for a good, solid minute until an elegant voice from behind the door asked, “Who is it?”
“Rarity, it's me, Twilight!” responded Twilight.
“Twilight? Hold on a minute!” sang the voice as the sound of the door being opened as the voice said, “Come in!”
Twilight trotted inside the store, with Linkara and the others not far behind as they made it inside the store.
The store was decorated beautifully with plush walls, dozens of mannequins, a few mirrors here and there, and to top it all off, dresses as far as the eye can see. A door on the other end of the door opened as a white coated, purple maned unicorn stepped out, walking towards Twilight.
“Twilight dear! It's so good to see you!” cried the white unicorn as she embraced Twilight in a hug. She then looked over Twilight's shoulder, spotting three strange things.
“What are those Twilight?” asked the white unicorn, ending the hug and looking at the three.
“Oh! They're-” started Twilight, but before she could finish Linkara walked up to the purple maned unicorn, extending a hand.
“My name's Linkara,” he stated, which the unicorn extended her own hoof giving the appendage a good shake.
“Rarity,” she replied.
“My name's Angry Joe.” Answered Joe.
“I'm The Nostalgia Critic.” Replied The Nostalgia Critic.
“Where did you three come from? I've never seen anything like you before!” exclaimed Rarity, examining the three.
“Well, we came from an alternate Earth, where there are humans instead of ponies and unicorns,” explained Linkara.
“That would explain why I never saw you before,” chuckled Rarity.
“Rarity, we need to be going,” said Twilight.
“But why darling? I need to go and give these three measurements so I can make them some new clothes!”
“But I like my clothes,” said Joe, grabbing his jacket defensively.
“You don't have to do that for us Rarity,” said The Nostalgia Critic, hoping they could get out so they wouldn't lose their trademark clothes.
“Oh, but I insist! I am the Element of Generosity!” assured Rarity.
“Element of what?” asked Linkara, who got shrugs from The Nostalgia Critic and Joe.
“We need to go because they don't belong here,” explained Twilight, “We need to get the rest of the girls so we can visit Princess Celestia and maybe she'll be able to help them get home.”
“Fine,” pouted Rarity, “But if they ever come back, I'll give them the best suits they will ever wear!”
The three cringed at the mention of suits. “Well, I guess we should be going now,” said Linkara before asking Twilight “Where's our next destination?”
“We need to go to a place called Sugarcube Corner.” Said Twilight as the group of five stepped out the Carousel Boutique and made their way back onto the soil streets of Ponyville.
Once they reached the bakery called Sugarcube Corner, they noticed that the design for it was... strange.
“A gingerbread house? Really?” asked Joe.
“Well, at least this one was easy to find,” replied The Nostalgia Critic as they approached the door.
“True.”
Once they reached the door, it had a sign that said “Welcome, we're open!” hanging on it and they then opened the door and walked inside, almost instantly falling in love with the place.
The place was a kid's wonderland. A fat man's paradise. If Wilford Brimley saw it, he would call it beautiful.
The place was filled with the most amazing looking sweets they ever laid eyes on. There were cakes, muffins, cupcakes, and countless fruit pastries, each with an intoxicating smell, urging the group to come close and to taste the food. Before the three even got any closer to the counter, Twilight and Rarity lead the way to the counter, giving the bell on the top a quick tap.
In almost a second, a pink blur rushed up to the counter with a mad man's smile. “Hi Twilight! Hi Rarity!” it exclaimed.
“Hi Pinkie! We were just-” began Twilight, but once again was cut off, this time by the pink pony.
“OH MY GOSH! New ponies!” the pink pony exclaimed, but was held in place by Twilight's magic.
“Listen Pinkie, we don't have time for parties! We need to go see Celestia!” exclaimed Twilight.
“But why?” asked Pinkie.
“Because, these three don't belong here!” started Twilight, “They come from an alternate Earth and we need to try to get them home!”
“What do you mean by parties?” asked Joe, automatically intrigued by the conversation.
“Pinkie throws parties for any new pony in Ponyville, whether their just visiting or staying here.” Explained Twilight.
Joe clapped his hands saying, “I'm game.”
“So am I.” Commented The Nostalgia Critic.
“Don't you guys want to go home?” asked Twilight.
“Of course,” said Joe tilting his head, “It's just that sometimes people, or in your case, ponies need to lay back and party! So if Pinkie, if that's her name, wants to throw us a party, let her! We could use it to unwind after going through all this stress today.”
“Yeah. Twilight, maybe you should just relax.” Said Linkara.
“Not until we go to Princess Celestia!” exclaimed Twilight.
“Fine!” said Joe throwing his arms up in anger, but then asked, “Can we at least get a snack? I'm famished.”
“Sure,” said Twilight, turning to Pinkie and asking, “Do you mind if you come with us?”
“Sure!” chirped Pinkie, “But first we need to get these hungry ponies some food!”
“Actually,” stated Linkara, “We're humans.”
“Does it matter?” asked Pinkie, “All I need to know is that you guys are hungry, so what do you want?”
“I'll go for an éclair.” Replied Linkara.
“Give me a cherry turnover!” yelled Joe.
“I'll just have a cupcake.” Answered The Nostalgia Critic.
“Hold on a second!” yelled Pinkie as she went through some sort of saloon doors and coming back with the three's pastries, along with three other cupcakes.
“Here you guys go!” exclaimed Pinkie as the group each picked up their personal sweet and dug into it.
“Oh, sweet Jesus this was good!” exclaimed Joe as he finished his cherry turnover.
“Best éclair I've had in a while!” commented Linkara.
“So good!” responded The Nostalgia Critic as he finished off the rest of his cupcake.
“You've out did yourself this time Pinkie!” exclaimed Twilight .
“It was quite good.” Replied Rarity.
“Thanks!” said Pinkie as she slammed open the doors to the entrance yelling, “Let's go!”
“But how did she-” began Linkara, but before he could finish Twilight and Rarity interrupted him.
“It's Pinkie being Pinkie.” They replied in unison as they trotted out the doors along with the three humans.
“Okay, where to next?” asked Joe.
“We need to visit a farm not far from here.” Answered Twilight as they continued to trot along the street of Ponyville.
After a few minutes of walking, the group of six soon stopped in their tracks as they arrived at an entrance to some sort of farm. It had what most farms had: a barn, trees, a house for the farmers, apple trees, buckets of buckets, more apple trees... Wait... Apple trees!?!
“Uh, Twilight, do you mind telling us what they farm here?” asked The Nostalgia Critic.
“Isn't it obvious!” exclaimed Pinkie, “They farm apples!”
“Is that even possible?” pondered Linkara.
“If you can farm rocks!” joked Joe, who in turn, got a glare from Pinkie.
“You can farm rocks silly! I farmed them when I was little!” stated Pinkie.
“What... How... Never mind.” Replied Joe as he walked into the farm, with the rest of the group behind him.
“Applejack! Where are you?” asked Twilight as they got in the center of the farm.
“Wanna make a bet?” asked The Nostalgia Critic as he turned towards Joe.
“Sure.” Replied Joe.
“What do you think Applejack's like?” asked The Nostalgia Critic.
“Well, I think she's going to be a stereotypical farmer, with hospitality and the trademark drawl.” Said Joe.
“Wanna bet?” challenged The Nostalgia Critic.
“Winner gets to punch the loser in the guts?” asked Joe, extending a hand for The Nostalgia Critic.
“You're on!” yelled The Nostalgia Critic as he shook Joe's hand.
Once they heard hoofsteps, the group jerked their heads towards the fields of apple trees and out of it came a orange pony with blond hair in a ponytail and a stetson hat to boot. “Howdy Twi! Howdy Rarity! Howdy Pinkie Pie! What brings you three here?” asked the pony as it approached the group.
“Well Applejack, the reason we're here is because of these three.” Explained Twilight, pointing a hoof towards the reviewers.
“Who are these fellas?” asked the stetson wearing pony.
“I'm Linkara.” Answered Linkara, moving his hand towards Applejack's hoof, which it answered gladly with a fierce handshake, strong enough to make Linkara's hand go numb.
“Name's Joe!” replied Joe, taking a few steps back so his hand wouldn't meet the same fate as Linkara's.
“I'm the Nostalgia Critic!” answered The Nostalgia Critic.
“Well, why don't you fellers follow me so I can treat y'all to some Sweet Apple Acres hospitality!” Applejack exclaimed as she lead them into the mini forest.
Before The Nostalgia Critic even knew it, a fist collided with his gut, sending him to the ground with as Joe wore a satisfied grin. “Okay, you win.” Admitted The Nostalgia Critic.
“Come on you two.” Stated Linkara as he followed the four ponies into the acres.
Joe helped The Nostalgia Critic up as they walked into the dense amount of apple trees as Linkara, Twilight, and Rarity were standing in front of Applejack as she handed them bottles and some sort of pastry. When the two emerged, Applejack handed them a bottle and a pastry each.
Once they received their rations, Joe took the first bite and smiled as he asked, “This is good! What is it exactly?”
“Well, that there pastry is an apple fritter and the bottles are apple juice.” Answered Applejack.
Joe decided to open the bottle and chugged it and once he finished of the beverage inside of the bottle he sighed out a huge breath as he replied, “That was some of the best apple juice I had in awhile!”
“Yeah, I must admit that it was pretty damn good!” praised Linkara.
“It did taste at lot better then most apple juices,” critiqued The Nostalgia Critic “and the fritter wasn't too bad either!”
“Thanks,” replied Applejack before asking, “But what brings you fellers here? I've never seen anything like you.”
“To make a long story short, we're humans. A species only on an alternate reality of this Earth.” Explained Linkara.
“And we're going to visit Celestia to see if we could find some way to bring them back,” continued Twilight as she then asked “Would you like to go Applejack?”
“I'd love to Twi!” exclaimed Applejack
“Great. Now if you follow us we just need to get Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash so we could go.” Said Twilight as they exited the farm and made their way towards the next friend.
The next house was rather peculiar, it being a tree instead of an actual house. It did have things that houses had like windows and even a door, so it could work as a house. The thing that struck the three reviewers odd was the amount of bird's houses that was scattered around and near the tree. When Linkara attempted to knock on the door, Twilight stopped as she said “Better let me do this.”
He shrugged “Suit yourself.”
She smiled as she knocked on the door asking “Fluttershy? Are you home?”
A very soft voiced replied back “Twilight? Please hold on a minute.”
After a long series of locks being unlocked, a yellow pony with wings and a long pink mane stepped out. “Oh Twilight. It's so good to-” she started, but immediately ran back into the house with a tiny gasp.
Applejack then trotted up to the door and gave it a knock and beckoned “Fluttershy! Come back out! We have something to show you!”
The door opened slowly as Fluttershy poked her head out asking “What is it?” Applejack pointed a hoof towards the three reviewers, who gave her bright smiles. Another scream and another shut door.
Pinkie was up to bat this time as she knocked on the door and said “Fluttershy! They won't hurt you! They're only here to meet you silly!”
The opened ever so slowly as Fluttershy trotted out and put her head down and started to look at the dirt, kicking it.
“Hey, I'm Linkara.” Linkara said softly extending a hand towards Fluttershy, which was ignored.
“My names Angry Joe, or just Joe for short.” Joe stated quietly.
“And I'm The Nostalgia Critic,” The Nostalgia Critic said soothingly “What's your name?”
“My name's....” Fluttershy started, but it soon dropped to a voice barley audible.
“What was that?” asked The Nostalgia Critic.
“My name's Flutter...” and again, silence.
“Can you please repeat that?” he asked again.
This time no words came out, only a squeak people would describe adorable. The three reviewers started to grab their sides in pain as they fell to the ground, screaming.
“What's going on?” asked Rarity.
“I don't know!” stated Twilight as she got closer to them “But we need to get them back to the hospital. Fluttershy do you mind coming with us?”
The winged pony nodded.
“Great! Now let's go everypony!” shouted Twilight as they started carrying the reviewers towards the hospital.
“Do you know what's wrong doctor?” asked Rarity, filled with concern.
“Oh yes I believe I do.” Replied Doctor Syringe.
“What is it?”
“It appears that their hearts have exploded!” he answered in a shocking fashion.
“Is that even possible?” asked Pinkie.
“Oh yes, very possible,” replied Doctor Syringe before continuing “Did any of you ponies experienced anything adorable lately?”
“Well,” started Pinkie tapping her chin with a hoof “When we went to Fluttershy's house she did this squeak and that's when they fell to the ground screaming.”
“Well there's your answer!” replied Doctor Syringe as he opened the door to the room before saying “They should be up in a little while. Call me if you need anything!” and with that he trotted out of the door closing it behind him.
In the exact moment Doctor Syringe closed the door, Linkara opened his eyes and shot up from his bed and started to look around before saying “Aw crap, not again.”
The Nostalgia Critic was next to awaken and once he did he shouted “God Dammit! Again!?! Really!?!”
Angry Joe awakened last as he mumbled “Great. Just great! We’re right back where we started.”
“Good to see you’re awake,” said Applejack cheerfully “How are you three feeling right now?”
“I’ve had better days.” Replied Linkara.
“My side feels like Robin Williams career; extremely painful.” Answered The Nostalgia Critic.
“It feels a little bit better.” Said Joe.
“Good to hear!” chirped Pinkie as she moved Fluttershy towards the three.
“I’m really sorry this happened.” Apologized Fluttershy.
“Don’t worry about it.” Replied Joe. “What happened anyway?” asked The Nostalgia Critic.
“Your hearts exploded.” Answered Twilight.
“How are we even alive?” asked Linkara
“Not your real heart silly,” answered Pinkie trotting up closer to the group “Your emotional hearts!”
“That doesn’t make sense!” yelled Joe.
“It doesn’t have to!” retorted Pinkie.
Joe just crossed his arms and mumbled something under his breath.
“Well, what do we do now?” asked Linkara.
“Now we need to look for Rainbow Dash,” replied Twilight.
“These names are so dumb.” Groaned Joe.
“Tell me about it.” Replied The Nostalgia Critic.
The five equines stared at the three until Rarity spoke up “Shall we be going?”
Linkara nodded “Yeah, we should.”
Once again they passed through the marble halls of the hospital and once again they checked out and once again they walked out the hospital doors.
“So where should we look for Rainbow Dash?” asked Linkara as they began to walk on the dirt roads once more.
“She’s probably on a cloud near here if we have good luck.” Answered Applejack.
“Wait… She can be on clouds?” asked Joe, astonished.
“Well, she is a pegasus pony!” answered Pinkie.
“There’s pegasi here?”
“Yea, there are also earth ponies and unicorns!”
“That would explain Rarity and Twilight having horns.” Commented Linkara.
“So, we just start yelling her name whenever we see a cloud?” asked The Nostalgia Critic.
“That’s the plan.” Said Pinkie.
“Sounds easy enough.”
Soon enough, the group was running towards and cloud yelling “Rainbow Dash!” like a bunch of loons.
There was one last cloud near the hospital and Pinkie ran up to it yelling “Rainbow! Are you there?”
Suddenly, a yawn was audible from the cloud as it replied, “Can you keep it down? I’m trying to sleep.”
“Dash! Hold on!” replied Pinkie as she ran to the rest of the group, getting their attention.
“Did you find her?” asked Linkara.
“Yes! She’s this way.” answered Pinkie as she bounced back beneath the cloud which harbored Rainbow Dash.
“Rainbow! Get down here for a moment.” Commanded Twilight.
“Fine.” Grumbled Rainbow Dash as she flew to the ground.
Her mane was, of course, rainbow while her coat was cyan. “What do you guys need?” she asked in an irritated voice.
“We need you to come with us to Canterlot to see the Princess.” Answered Rarity.
“Why?”
“These fine fellows over here.” Rarity replied pointing a hoof towards the three reviewers, each one nodding his head and waving a hand.
“Who and what are they?” asked Rainbow Dash.
“They are The Nostalgia Critic, Linkara, and Angry Joe. They’re..” began Pinkie but then turned her towards the three and asked “What are you guys again?”
“Humans.” Answered Linkara.
“Oh! They’re humans.” Finished Pinkie.
“Okay, but why do we need to help them?” asked Rainbow Dash.
“They’re not from this world, or should I say reality,” began Twilight “and we need to take them to see Princess Celestia so she could maybe send them back to their homes.”
“I guess I can go with you guys.” Rainbow Dash answered.
“Great the gang's all here. Now what?” asked Linkara.
“Now we need to take a train to Canterlot,” answered Twilight as she began to trot towards Ponyville, “There’s one not far from here. Come on!”
The group nodded as they started to follow Twilight towards the train station, and hopefully the reviewers' way home.
"Is that really the train?" Asked Linkara, hoping that it was just some sort of prop for a movie or play.
"Why yes it is." Twilight answered as they approached the train.
It looked quite terrible for a train. Instead of it being black like most trains, it was a very humiliating pink. To make things worse, most of the cars attached to the train looked like freaking muffins.
"Please tell me this has some awesome name like 'Killtrain' or 'Bloody Onslaught!" Pleaded Joe.
"It does have an awesome name!" Replied Pinkie as she bounced over to the entrance of the train.
"Oh? What's the name?" asked The Nostalgia Critic, hoping that one of Joe's names was correct.
"It's called the 'Friendship Express!'" Answered Pinkie as she stepped into the train, with the five of her friends following suit.
"Fuck my life!" Yelled Joe in anger as he stomped into the train with the other two reviewers following him in.
The interior of the train was mainly ivory with some purple here and there with some windows adorning both sides of the walls with the option of closing them. There were also two doors on each car, three on this one if you included the entrance/exit for the train.
“Now what?” Asked Linkara as they reached the center of the car they were in.
“Well, since the train ride is a couple of hours, you could always sleep or read a book.” Answered Twilight.
The Nostalgia Critic shifted a yawn as he asked, “Where’s the sleeper car?”
“It should be near the caboose,” answered Rarity “Or at least it was there last time.”
“Thanks.” Said The Nostalgia Critic as he opened the door on the back of the car and made his way down.
“Is there some sort of diner car here?” asked Joe as he felt his stomach growl.
“Yes, it should be one in front of the sleeper-“ but before Twilight could finish, Joe was gone as was Pinkie, leaving behind only a cloud of smoke.
Linkara just shrugged and asked “Mind if I read with you? I’m not very tired or hungry, so why not read?”
Twilight’s eyes beamed as she replied “Sure! I brought a few books, so feel free to read them.”
“Thanks.” Said Linkara as he looked through the selection that Twilight had brought with her. The selection was odd to say the least, as Linkara hadn’t even seen these before!
This is an alternate reality remember? He said to himself as he picked up the first book and read the title.
“Daring Doo and The Magic Complex?” He wondered out loud.
“Oh! That’s the one I’m on!” answered Rainbow Dash as she swiped the book from Linkara’s hands and began to read it.
Twilight giggled as she explained, “Oh, Daring Doo is a long running adventure series in this reality. You might want to start on the first one.” Twilight then proceeded to levitate a book towards Linkara as he caught it in his hands and read the title out loud.
“Daring Doo and The Sapphire Stone? I guess I could give it a shot.” Said Linkara as he opened the book and began to read the first page.
As Joe and Pinkie Pie slammed the door to the diner car open, they began to look at their surroundings.
Food. All around them was mouth watering, heart pounding, and taste tenderizing food! The waiters aboard the car were serving ponies at the tables with desserts of amazing caliber like cakes and pies. The duo looked at each other and then ran to the closest table and had a seat as a waiter approached them.
“May I take your orders?” asked the waiter in what seemed to be a French accent.
Joe looked at the waiter and continued to flip through his menu before answering, "Yes, I'll have the sundae."
"I'll have a slice of grape pie please." Answered Pinkie.
The waiter picked up the menus and placed them on a cart as he said "Your food will be ready shortly."
Once the waiter left, it was a endurance match for the duo as they looked on to the other tables, seeing them enjoying their food with faces of satisfaction.
“Pinkie?” asked Joe.
“Yeah?” asked Pinkie.
“How long has it been since the waiter left?”
“About one minute.”
“DAMMIT!” Joe yelled, slamming a fist on the table “That pony has been gone too long!”
“Don't worry Joe,” reassured Pinkie as she patted a hoof on Joe's back, “We'll get our food soon.”
A tear started to fall from one of her eyes as she said, “I hope.”
The Nostalgia Critic opened the door to the sleeper car and stepped inside. All along the walls of the car were bunk beds, but it was just him inside the car.
“Strange,” he mused to himself as he walked over to one of the beds and lied down on it “How come there's only ponies inside of the diner car?”
He chuckled to himself as he closed his eyes “Probably just time for desserts I guess.”
A door opening in the diner car caused Pinkie and Joe to jerk their heads towards the door, as a waiter stepped out rolling a cart towards the two.
“Thank god! It's been a long and tiring five minutes!” exclaimed Joe.
“So sorry, the pie had to be warmed up and the sundae had to be made.” Explained the waiter as he put the two dishes near their respected owners.
Joe grabbed the spoon nearest to him and began to dig in to the long awaited sundae. Each bite sent shivers down his spine and made his mouth beg for more. Pinkie grabbed the fork next to her (though Joe wasn't even sure how. Magnets maybe?) and began to eat the pie... by grabbing the slice and forcing it down her throat. Joe was stunned by this. How the hell could a pink pony do that? Joe quickly grabbed another spoonful and began to continue his relentless assault on the ice cream.
She made a belching sound as Joe finished up his sundae, it giving him brain freeze.
“Excuse me sir?” asked the waiter as he placed a piece of paper on the table “Your bill.”
Joe chuckled as he picked up the piece of paper “Let's see how much we owe. Probably just a hug or someth-” what Joe didn't expect on the bill was actual currency.
“Pinkie?” asked Joe.
“Yes, Joe?” asked Pinkie.
“Do you have any money on you?”
“Not at the moment no,” she answered looking at Joe, “Why?”
“Neither do I,” said Joe “And we have a bill to pay for.”
“What do we do?” asked Pinkie.
“I'll tell you what we'll do,” answered Joe as he stood up and turned around, “RUN!”
The two ran out as fast as they could with the waiter behind them saying “Sir! Madame! Hold on!”
Once they reached the entrance to the train, they saw Twilight, Linkara, Rarity, Applejack, and Fluttershy reading. Twilight was reading “Through the eyes of the bearded” by Starswirl the Bearded. Applejack was reading “Apple-bucking Magazine.” Rarity was reading some sort of fashion magazine, and Fluttershy was reading “Tree news.”
“Look you guys we need your he-” began Joe, but then saw what everybody else was doing “Why the fuck are you guys reading?”
“Because we're bored and there's nothing to do.” Answered Linkara as he closed his book standing up “Now, what were you saying?”
“We were wondering if any of you guys have any money on you.” Answered Joe.
“Yes, I do. Why?” asked Rarity as she levitated out three gold piece things, but were quickly snatched by Pinkie as she threw them to the waiter, who caught them in his shirt pocket and started to trot back to the diner car.
"Okay, what are those gold coins?" asked Joe.
"They're called bits," explained Twilight "They're our currency in Equestria."
“Anyway, do you guys want to head to sleeper car to catch some z's?” asked Joe.
“Sure why not.” Said Linkara as he yawned.
The group closed what they were reading and followed Pinkie and Joe towards the sleeper car all the while avoiding the waiter's gaze.
The door to the sleeper car opened as the eight comrades stepped forward.
"There's enough beds for us with an extra," examined Linkara as he made his way towards a bed and laid down on it.
The six ponies made their ways to the beds in the far end of the car and laid down on them and quickly fell asleep. Joe, on the other hand, jumped on the bed nearest to him, but as soon as he hit the bed, he fell to the ground.
"Who did that?" asked the figure as he stood up revealing it to be The Nostalgia Critic.
"Critic? What are you doing here?" asked Joe as he stood back on his feet going to the bed atop of The Nostalgia Critic's.
"I said I was going over here when we were at the entrance." Answered The Nostalgia Critic.
"Oh forgot about that."
Once Joe settled in his bed, the two soon closed their eyes and fell asleep, only the clacking of the train making noise.
Everybody in the car was asleep, except for Linkara. He just stared at the bottom of the bed he was under. He turned his head to view one of the windows, seeing a beautiful sunset.
Might as well go for some fresh air. He thought to himself as he got out of his bed and made his way to the door at the end of the car and sliding it open.
He closed the door behind him as he looked onward from the rails of the train. Expansive greenery was passing it, and top it off, the beautiful sunset was going down, turning the sky into a beautiful shade of pink.
Linkara then heard the door behind him open as he jerked his head forward, spotting Twilight enter the small space, closing the door and trotting towards Linkara.
“Couldn't sleep huh?” asked Linkara.
“Yeah,” answered Twilight before asking, “Do you mind if I stand here next to you?”
“Go ahead.” Answered Linkara.
The two stood in silence as they saw the moon rise, along with millions of stars.
“Say Twilight?” asked Linkara.
“Yea?” asked Twilight.
“Do you mind telling me what the princesses are like, so we can try not to piss them off?”
“Well, they're both great rulers,” started Twilight “For instance, Princess Celestia is primarily the one to deal with problems in the kingdom while Princess Luna is the diplomatic one, going to far off countries to make peace with them.”
Linkara nodded, then he motioned for Twilight to continue.
"They also do the most amazing feats of magic like Celestia lowering and raising the sun, while Luna maintains the moon and stars."
"Wait, they control the sun and moon?" asked Linkara, going over what Twilight just said in his head making sure he heard that right and that his brain wasn't messing with him.
“Yes they do. Did your reality have rulers that rose and lowered the sun and moon?” asked Twilight.
“Well, we have rulers, but none of that sun and moon controlling stuff.” Answered Linkara
“Then how does the sun and moon rise and lower?”
“By a couple of things,” stated Linkara, “Like the Earth revolving around the sun and the moon revolving around the Earth due to natural causes like gravity.”
“By the sound of it, your Earth's pretty strange.” Said Twilight.
“Likewise.” Chuckled Linkara.
“Looks like it's getting late,” observed Twilight as she saw the moon, now in it's spot in the sky along with the twinkling of stars, “Shall we go in and call it a night?”
Linkara nodded as he opened the door and allowed Twilight to move in front of him and walk in as he moved after her and closed the door. The two then found their respected beds and laid down on them, slowly but surely falling asleep.
Once dawn approached, the nine comrades found that the train has stopped at their destination and made their way out of the train and onto the platform with bewilderment in their eyes. Towering buildings of white surrounded them while the streets were a dark green, something that the reviewers found odd. To make things even stranger for the three, a tall castle with different towers spiraling around it could be seen in the distance.
"Nostalgia Critic, Linkara, and Angry Joe," Twilight said gliding her hoof over to the city that sprawled out in front of them, "Welcome to Canterlot."
The three broke out into laughter, getting a harsh glare from Twilight, "What's so funny?"
"The name!" laughed Joe, "The name is so stupid!"
"Yeah," wheezed The Nostalgia Critic, "What's next? Manehatten? Las Pegasus? The stupid names are endless!"
"You have to admit that the name's pretty dumb," agreed Linkara through strained breathing, "Especially since you guys are ponies and it's a pun of Camelot."
"Camelot?" asked the six ponies in unison.
"In our reality, Camelot is a fictional kingdom," explained Linkara, "It's also a great movie!"
The Nostalgia Critic and Joe let out collective groans, "Oh god, not again," said Joe.
"What's it about?" asked Pinkie as she approached Linkara.
"Well," started Linkara, "It's about-"
"SAY!" interrupted The Nostalgia Critic, in a vein attempt to stop Linkara talking about that godforsaken movie, "Why don't we go get some breakfast?"
"I am quite famished," agreed Rarity, "Maybe we can go to that restaurant with the-"
"DONUT JOE'S!" yelled Pinkie.
"What's that?" asked Joe.
"It's a shop where they sell some of the most delicious donuts ever!" answered Rainbow Dash, licking her lips, as she thought about the treats.
"Okay, we'll go," giggled Twilight, she turned her attention to the reviewers and asked, "Are you guys okay with that?"
"Of course!" replied The Nostalgia Critic as he turned his head around.
"Donuts make everything better," stated Joe.
"They do," agreed Linkara.
"Then it's settled," chirped Pinkie, followed by a pout by Rarity, "Sorry Rarity. It's eight to nine, so that means we get to go to Donut Joe's!"
"But I didn't get to vote," pointed out Fluttershy.
"Neither did I," said Applejack.
"Still, you girls want donuts right?" asked Pinkie, getting nods from the mares, "Then let's go!" she shouted, bouncing ahead of the group in the direction of the shop, the others following.
"Thank you come again!" hollered Donut Joe as his customers left his shop.
He smiled to himself. Business was great the past few days, with him getting customers everyday... except that there's usually only two customers in his shop whenever there is in fact customers. Still, one could only dream until his shop soars through other donut shops, making him the ruler of the donut underground...
He shook his head. No, Joe, he thought to himself, There's no such thing as a donut underground...
Ring!
He quickly moved his head to the entrance to his shop as he saw six mares enter and sit near a table that can allow the six of them to sit close to each other, "Hey Twilight! Long time no see!" yelled Donut Joe as he approached the table.
"Hi Joe," replied Twilight.
"Hi Mane!" chirped Pinkie, "Did you find the Rainboweye yet?"
Donut Joe looked at her for a long second before chuckling, "No Pinkie, but I'm working on it."
"Do you mind setting up a table seated for nine?" asked Twilight.
"Sure," answered Donut Joe as he started levitating three chairs to the table, "Mind if I ask who you gals are sitting with?"
"Oh just some friends I met yesterday," replied Twilight, "Mind if I let them in?"
"Go ahead."
Twilight stepped out of the shop for a split second and went back in and had a seat where the rest of her friends were sitting. The door opened with a ring once more as three strange creatures entered, looking like they could be... Aliens!
"Joe, this is The Nostalgia Critic, Linkara, and Angry Joe," Twilight introduced.
Donut Joe's eye twitched, but he shook it away asking, "What will you, your friends, and your... gentlemen have?"
"Just two boxes of donuts and eight cups of coffee," answered Twilight as she placed a few bits on the table, which Joe scooped them up and ran behind the counter and ran back, levitating boxes.
"Yeah... Here's your donuts," Donut Joe said in a hurry as he placed the boxes on the table, "It seems like we're out of coffee beans, so... I'll be right back!" he yelled as ran towards the entrance and opened the door, it making a ring as he ran out closing it.
"Well, I guess we should dig in," said Twilight as she opened the first donut box as her eight friends grabbed a donut each and bit into them.
"Not half bad," commented The Nostalgia Critic as he finished his donut.
"Not as good as Dunkin Donuts, but still good," said Joe.
"Just wait until you try the coffee-donut combo," replied Rainbow Dash, "It's out of this world!"
"We'll take your word for it," answered Linkara as he raised the rest of his donut up to his face and finished it off, savoring the taste.
“Why did you say only eight cups of coffee Twilight?” asked Pinkie, “Are you not having a cup?”
“No Pinkie, it's just that we can't trust you with a cup,” answered Twilight, causing Pinkie to droop her head, which then Twilight asked, “Remember what happened last time?”
Pinkie lifted her head and giggled, “I remember! Fillydelphia put a coffee ban on their town because of me!”
The door to the shop swung open as the nine customers arched their heads to it, seeing Donut Joe along with two gold armored ponies.
"DON'T MOVE ALIEN SCUM!" one of the armored ponies yelled, drawing a sword.
"We're aliens?" asked Joe, getting shrugs from the other two reviewers.
"Just come with us," the other armored pony urged.
"You'll have to take us out first!" yelled Joe, taking a fighting stance and taunted, "You have a sword? I have lightning bitch!"
He raised his hands as lightning surged through his fingertips... except before he could use it, the flat end of the pony's sword slammed on his head, causing him to black out.
"What the hay's wrong with you?" asked Rainbow, "These ponies-!"
"Humans," coughed Linkara
"Humans," said Rainbow Dash, annoyance in her voice, "didn't do anything to you!"
"Didn't do anything yet," stated one of the guards cautiously, "We'll have to take them to Princess Celestia."
“Can you please let us go to the castle with you?” Rarity asked with a seductive tone, “It would mean the world for us if a tall, handsome, and ever so strong stallion such as yourself could lead us there with our three friends. You can't deny a request like that, can you?”
Through a harsh blush one of the armored ponies stammered, “S-s-sure thing miss. Follow us, we have a chariot prepared that was supposed to take your alien friends to the castle, but we could probably make room for you six.”
The other armored pony opened the door, allowing the six to leave, with only five of the friends exiting, Rarity giving the pony a seductive wink, causing him to fall to the ground.
Donut Joe approached Twilight, the one who stayed in the shop, and said, “Listen Twilight, I'm sorry this happened. It's just that these aliens look so weird and I thought they might be hostile,” he levitated a cup holder with eight cups in it, with a few bits in the empty one, “Here's your guys' coffee. Don't worry, it's on the house.”
Twilight levitated the cup holder to her and said, “Thank you Joe. They are really nice guys once you get to know them, and I'll see if I can talk to Celestia about not hurting them.”
Donut Joe let out a chuckle, “With your charisma, I'm sure you can do it. Take care Twilight.”
“You too Joe,” Twilight said as she turned around and trotted up to the three reviewers and asked, “Aren't you guys coming?”
“Yeah, just give us a second,” answered Linkara.
Twilight nodded and walked out the door as The Nostalgia Critic asked, “So how are we going to wake him up?”
“I know how to,” Linkara leaned close to The Nostalgia Critic's ear and whispered something causing the Critic to chuckle.
“Hey Joe!” The Nostalgia Critic yelled into the incapacitated friend's ear, “Did you know that Capcom is making a game without on-disc DLC?”
In a split-second, Joe launched into the air, “Is it true?" he asked energetically, "Did Capcom really stop doing that dumbass practice?”
The only answer he got was his two “friends” breaking out into harsh laughter.
“Oh, fuck you guys!” he yelled with malice.
“Come on, Joe.” Said Linkara, “We need to get aboard that chariot those armored ponies were talking about.”
“What chariot?”
“Just follow us,” Linkara answered as he directed his comrades out of the door and into the chariot, taking a seat next to their six new buddies as the armored ponies equipped the chariot's reins on their armor and took off to the giant white castle ahead of them.
Hey everypony, The ArcadeLords here! Just wanted to say sorry for the wait. I'm working on a one-shot, which you can find a preview here. I need to say some things real quick:
1. The next chapter will be called "Royal Pain" 2. I will be posting a deleted scene of the chapter Train Ride on my blog, so be on the look out for that. 3. I am also writing a story that is NOT pony related or a fanfic titled "Midnight" and I wanted to know if you guys want me to post it on my blog. 4. Give around of applause the newest member joining the pre-reading team: gamerdude72! See you guys next time!
Princess Celestia smiled as she saw two of her subjects leaving, smiles adorned on their faces. The two had a simple dispute over land and decided to go to Day Court to clarify. The Princess, with her endless knowledge, found a compromise giving each of the ponies a fair amount of land, the two agreeing to the compromise with happiness.
Princess Celestia glanced at the clock. Perfect time for breakfast; she could tell the guards she was taking a break and-
“Your Highness!” A deep voice boomed across the throne room; it was a guard running up to the throne, panting.
Oh life, why do you hate me so? Celestia thought in her head, but soon discarded the thought and spoke to the guard, “What seems to be the problem?”
“Princess, there's a chariot approaching the castle!” He gasped, trying to catch his breath.
“And?” She asked, honestly irritated by the guard busting through here and stating the obvious which happens everyday.
“Well I looked through one of the telescopes in the tower,” He started, pointing at one of the spiraling pillars, “And I noticed that all the Elements of Harmony are present in the chariot and three weird creatures were seen with them as well.”
Celestia's eyes shot open, “Guard, go to my sister and tell her to come here at once!”
The guard saluted, “Right away, Your Highness!”
The chariot the humans and ponies found themselves in was very spacious, considering it's holding three tall as tree creatures (Pinkie thought of nicknaming The Nostalgia Critic Treebeard because of it and because of his name being a mouthful), and six average sized mares. If anything, their chariot was a prison car.
Angry Joe leaned his head out of one of the windows of their horse powered vehicle and looked dead ahead, seeing some of the most exhilarating architecture ever, it looking like it was mimicking something from one of his video games.
The one word to describe the castle was magnificent as it was built within a mountain, giving it an even more fairytale look. The castle for the most part was pure white, save for some yellow and even purple here and there. The height of the castle was almost as tall as the Empire State Building; all Joe could do at this majestic sight before him was to stare in awe. Joe broke out of his trance when he heard the hoofsteps of the flyer's landing on the stone floor.
The nine friends quickly filed out of the chariot, and were led to two giant wooden double doors.To the six ponies, this was a basic thing, but to the reviewers was like going to the Pearly Gates; a once in a lifetime chance.
The guards walked up to the door and knocked on them. The next thing was all a blur as they all felt a powerful force grab them and drag them into the room ahead as the double doors opened, only to abruptly shut and lock after the ponies and humans were all inside.
The friends all slammed against the floor as they entered, or in this case, got dragged into the castle with ludicrous speed.
“What the hell just happened?” Groaned The Nostalgia Critic as he stood up from the powerful choke hold from god knows what.
"It seems we were pulled in this castle by something," stated Linkara, "And the room we are in appears to be the throne room."
"You are right, Linkara." Responded a motherly like voice from the far end of the room. Everyone and everypony in the room quickly moved their heads to front of the room, and when they did, the three reviewers were awestruck, and the six ponies bowed.
Standing(or sitting on the throne) before them was a white unicorn, garbed with royal regalia. Two things stuck out to the reviewers with her appearance and the first one was with her hair. Sure, they've seen multicolored hair, but not multicolored hair that flowed in the air! The other thing that they noticed moments after looking at her was that she wasn't a unicorn at all, more of a Pegasus Unicorn hybrid due to them seeing wings perched to her sides.
"How do you know my name?" Asked Linkara, approaching the alicorn.
"I was the one who summoned you three here." She responded sweetly, hoping the three would understand.
"So let me get this straight," Said Joe, his voice rising, "You took us away from our carefree lives on our Earth and placed us here for your amusement? And what happened to the two kids you abducted?"
"No harm has been done to those kids, Angry Joe," The alicorn responded in a calm voice, "I have sent them back home."
"You still haven't answered his first question," The Nostalgia Critic said, "Why did you abduct us?"
"Because, The Nostalgia Critic," The motherly voice returned to her, "You have been chosen to protect this land."
"But why us? Isn't there a better choice?" Linkara asked.
"No there is not a better choice," She answered, "We have seen you beat them before, and you will need to do it again."
The reviewers stared at each other before Angry Joe spoke up, "Who?"
"They call themselves Dr. Insano, Cooperate Commander, and Douchey Mcnitpick. They have appeared from a portal much like you, but for nefarious purposes."
"So you made those kids fall in the portal so we can investigate and be sent here to defend this world?" Linkara asked, just now understanding this pony's reason for taking them here.
"The kids weren't supposed to fall in there," the princess explained, "We only meant for you three to fall down. As soon as the kids arrived, we sent them home."
"Well that solves one thing," The Nostalgia Critic, "But why are some of our most dangerous rivals here?"
"Yeah, he does have a point," Angry Joe commented, "Why are they here?"
The princess' horn flashed and a portal appeared in front of her. "If you look inside this portal, it will answer your questions." She explained, and soon the three looked at each other, and then back at their six friends, who were approaching the portal as well, and they all put their heads into the portal of time.
A portal sliced through the air in the elegant hallway leading to the throne room and three humans' poked their heads out. Nothing moved an inch, not even the guards for a yawn or a stretch. In the distance birds could be heard chirping away, the peace and quiet was soon assassinated as a giant portal, much bigger than the one the reviewers came out of, rippled into existence and three figures stinking of malevolence casually walked out.
One of the men who came out of the portal wore a white lab coat and swirly shades perched atop of his head. His hair was of a brunette coloring and oh so very curly. He let out a deranged laugh as he yelled, "I TOLD you two my portal device would work!"
The other one who had also had a lab coat, but with normal looking spectacles and hair that only and nobody else in the galaxy but his mother would love. He waved one of his hands and said, "BAH! You didn't even get the location right Dr. Insano!"
"Shut the fuck up Mcnitpick! Do you know how hard it is to make a functional portal device AND to get the right location? Just be happy you are here in the first place and that we agreed to let you come along and not Mechakara!"
Soon the conversation turned into an argument, and the two were using the most nefarious tools to use at such a time: name calling. They called each other "Poopyheads" and "Fucknuggets," but before they could say that they were an "Obama Lover," a evil and nastily voice rang out with, "Shut up both of you!"
The air became silent and heavy as a pair of cold, unforgiving eyes(or faceplate in this case) stared at the two of them. His suit was charcoal gray and his tie was blood red with a ghost white shirt underneath. A silver faceplate blocked covered his face and probably blocked his eyesight too while a blue helmet with a white strip in the middle was perched on top of his head. Whenever a consumer hears his name, they tremble. Whenever Fox News hears his name, they clamor over to him to wipe his ass. But to a simple man he is known as: Cooperate Commander.
The two soon bowed and said in unison, "Forgive us Commander."
"You are both Fucknuggets!" He yelled, "I picked the destination!"
"But why here sir? Why not Earth or Mars?" Dr. Insano asked the Commander.
"Because my good doctor, this place is brimming with marketability! Just imagine the sales of pony toys! Hasbro's sales with rocket!" He let out a despicable laugh and Insano soon joined in.
However, Douchey Mcnitpick ended the bonding time with, "You do know that there are two guards listening in on our conversation the entire time right?"
The two exchanged glances and then to the oak doors, seeing two guards staring at them with malice raising their pikes in a fighting stance. Doctor Insano just laughed and pulled out a raygun and fired, turning the guards into ash. The three approached the double doors and all raised a leg and kicked.
"Thank you guard for bringing me this. You may continue patrol near my sisters quarters." Said a smooth and motherly voice to the guard in front of the owner, who saluted and trotted off.
Princess Celestia of Equestria let out a smile as she looked at what the guard had brought her; a double chocolate cake with vanilla icing. A personal favorite of her's(although she did get some glances by Luna whenever she ate it. She always wondered if her sister was silently judging her). She licked her lips and brought a forkful of the cake to her mouth, but was soon interrupted as the double oak doors flew across the throne room with a clatter causing Celestia to drop her fork. The three beings that entered the chamber looked alien to her, and gave her the feeling they were not friendly.
"Who are you and what are you doing here?" She asked as her horn flared up.
The one in the gray suit cleared his throat, "I am Cooperate Commander! And these are my associates Doctor Insano and Douchy Mcnitpick. We are here to dethrone you and rule this land with microtransactions!"
"To ensure that we will destroy you right now!" Laughed Doctor Insano, pulling out the raygun and pulled the trigger.
...Except nothing happened.
"Son of a bitch!" Yelled Insano, "I forgot to completely charge it! Dose anybody have a weapon?"
"Oh! I have a pistol!" Said Cooperate Commander and he soon pulled out a USP, but soon put it back saying, "Fuck. I forgot the bullets were DLC."
"So... Should we come back later?" Asked Mcnitpick and the two nodded in agreement.
"We will be back in four days ruler of this land!" Cooperate Commander said, "And in that time you should prepare for our attack on the castle!" He laughed evilly as they left the castle, and said, "Now not even The Nostalgia Critic, Linkara, or Angry Joe can stop us!"
The nine companions took their heads out of the portal and it disappeared with a pop. The alabaster princess was looking down at them and asked, "Do you now see why I had summoned you three here?"
The Nostalgia Critic nodded, "Yes we do. You called us here to protect your castle and your kingdom."
"Will you please help Equestria?" The princess asked, and the three reviewers looked at each other and nodded. Her eyes beamed with joy and said, "Thank you. Now, I think we should-" but the sound of her stomach growling stopped her from continuing. She let out a light blush and said, "Sorry, I have yet to eat. Would you all like to join me for some breakfast?"
Angry Joe shrugged, "Why not."
The other eight quickly agreed(especially Pinkie), and the princess walked them down to the dining room, talking to the three humans about Equestria, while hearing them talking about the villains that gave the princess the time line.
Now, I wrote this thing for multiple reasons, one of them being that this is saying that I haven't given up on you guys or given up on this story. This was also a little idea that wouldn't fit in the actual story, so it won't impact the story in anyway or have any purpose other than being a little break between the Canterlot chapter. This is also a chapter with no pre-reading. Why? I felt that my pre-readers deserve a little break now and then so I won't be bugging them with this chapter. This isn't my best work, but at least I go something done. Enjoy the interlude my fellow fans and thank you for handling this crap hiatus.
The bells of the comic book store jingled as a lone figure studded in, his hat and coat covered with dust and sand. The ponies in the store said nothing and just looked on as the human approached the cashier, placing a few bits on the counter and saying, "The newest issue of Mysterious Mare-Do Well please."
The cashier nodded, "Right away."
The man began to fiddle with an issue of Marvel Zombies that he brought with him while he waited for the cashier to return. When the pony did, the man picked up the comic he bought and replied, "Thanks." He began to amble towards a nearby table and chair, a grin on his face as he did. The ponies just gave each other glances but soon followed the human to the table.
The human sat down in the chair and dusted off his hat and coat. Once the ponies arrived, he cleared his throat, "Hello and welcome to Atop The Fourth Wall where bad comics burn! Today, I have bought the newest issue for Mysterious Mare-Do Well. Granted, I know nothing of this hero and only have read a few issues, but if she's anything like Batman, then I have nothing to lose. Let's dive right into The Mysterious Mare-Do Well number eighty-five!"
Twilight hummed a little song to herself as she dusted some of the shelves of the library. She was making progress, having already dusted categories Horror and Comedy and now she was on Adventure, the largest category in the library. Luckily, she was having her number one assistant Spike help with the dusting as well. Spike let out a groan and said, "Why don't we get one of those things to help us? Seems like Linkara will want to help."
Twilight moved her head to where Spike was and gave him a glare of disapproval, "Spike! They are not things, they are called humans and Linkara is at the comic book store taking a break. I'm sure he won't come back until dinner time."
The front door to the library opened and closed with lightning fast speed as a human began to stack chairs on the door. "Linkara? What are you doing?" Asked Twilight.
Linkara stopped the stacking of the chairs and took a step back, looking at his work, "I think I'm barricading the library."
"Why?" Asked Twilight, approaching the front door and began to take off the chairs.
"It all started when I went to the comic book store," Linkara said, "I bought the newest issue of Mysterious Mare-Do Well and I reviewed it in front of the ponies there."
"Why is that so bad?" Questioned Twilight, taking the last chair off of the door.
"I said that it sucked," Replied Linkara, "Mare-Do Well just complains in this issue, the cover art is bland, and the villain was needlessly generic."
"I'm sure nopony hates you for stating your humble opinion." Assured Twilight, opening the door to the library. Once it was fully opened, a tomato flew into the library, breaking a window.
"On second thought, I think you might want to hide." Said Twilight and began to rebarricade the door.
"Where?" Linkara asked, feverishly moving around the library.
"Go to the basement," Twilight answered, "There should be a lab there. Hide in there until the coast is clear. I'll try to calm these ponies down."
Linkara smiled, "Thanks Twilight. I owe you one." He began to run to the flight of stairs leading to the basement and slammed the door shut.
Linkara paced around the basement for the umpteenth time. It had been thirty minutes since he went down here but no sign of Twilight. What's taking her so long? Suddenly, the door opened and Linkara spotted Twilight trotting down the stairs to him. "Okay, they left." Twilight said, "I reasoned with them that you just have a poor taste in comics."
Linkara frowned, "Thanks." Twilight and Linkara began to walk up the stairs, but Twilight handed him something. It was a duster. "Why did you hand me this?" He asked as they made it to the ground floor.
"Remember how you said you owed me?" She smiled sweetly. Linkara nodded. "If you could dust the library while I go to the spa with my friends, that would be great."