• Published 12th May 2012
  • 5,504 Views, 221 Comments

The Nostalgia Critic, Linkara, and Angry Joe Power Hour! - CluelessDetective



A crossover with Nostalgia Critic, Linkara, and Angry Joe. Not meant to be taken seriously

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Awakening

Once Linkara awoke, he was greeted by white walls, a white ceiling, a nice comfy bed, with both Angry Joe and The Nostalgia Critic next to him on comfy beds of their own... and a purple unicorn. Linkara just stared at the equine until it began to speak, "Hello! My name is-" but before it could finish, Linkara let out a blood curdling scream. The creature had to put it's fore hooves into it's ears in order to block out the scream of pure, unadulterated terror.

Soon both Angry Joe and The Nostalgia Critic woke up seeing the equine and, they too, started to scream. “Demon, demon, ah!” The Nostalgia Critic yelled pointing a finger at the creature.

“What the fuck is that!?!” Angry Joe yelled.

“Calm down! I'm not a demon and I'm not here to hurt you! ” the creature yelled through the trio's scream.

“Then how the hell are you talking and why do you have horn?” Linkara demanded, ending his scream, looking straight into the equine's eyes and soon his friends stopped their screams, staring at the equine as well.

“First of all, everypony talks and I'm a unicorn,” the equine responded, “and second of all, what are you ponies?” it asked.

“I'm a human,” he replied.

“A human? What's a human?” asked the unicorn.

“A species of mammal with a penis,” explained The Nostalgia Critic “except for Joe over there.”

“Up yours Critic,” replied Joe, crossing his arms.

Twilight just looked at the group with a strange look until shaking it away asking, “Might I ask what your names are?”

“I'm The Nostalgia Critic! I remember it so you don't have to!” answered The Nostalgia Critic, standing up on the white tiles , making a triumphant pose.

“I'm Angry Joe, or just Joe for short,” Joe answered, getting out of his soft bed and onto the tiles as well.

“My name is Linkara, what's your's?” Linkara asked, approaching the unicorn next to his own bed, extending a hand towards it.

“My name is Twilight Sparkle,” the unicorn answered, extending her hoof in order to give the human's hand a good shake.

“Wait... your name is Twilight Sparkle?” The Nostalgia Critic asked.

“Yes it is why-”

“Sparkle, sparkle, sparkle!” he yelled.

“Fuck yea sparkle, sparkle, sparkle!” Joe yelled hi-fiving The Nostalgia Critic.

Linkara walked up to Twilight saying, “Don't mind them; They're just being morons.”

“I can see that,” giggled Twilight.

“One thing still strikes me as odd though,” commented Linkara.

“And what's that?” asked Twilight.

“Why didn't you attack us when you saw us, or did what we did and screamed?”

“Well, it's not very right to judge a book by it's cover. I need to know more about you three before I can attack or scream,” answered Twilight.

“Wow, that is so cliché,” commented The Nostalgia Critic.

“Agreed,” replied Angry Joe.

Linkara just stared at the two, “Do you guys have any better things to do then be asses?”

“Not at the time, no.” Answered The Nostalgia Critic.

“That's all we can do right now,” said Joe.

“And why aren't you joining Linkara? It's a fucking magical talking horse!” yelled The Nostalgia Critic.

“Compared to what I've seen and did, this is common place and since she showed us some kindness and didn't kill us I think we should do the same,” answered Linkara.

“Fine, but if there's more things like her, I'm punching you in the face,” replied The Nostalgia Critic walking closer to Linkara.

“Agreed,” said Joe, doing the same.

Linkara smiled as he turned to Twilight and said, “May I ask you a question?”

“Of course Mr. Linkara,” replied Twilight

“When you said everypony Ms. Twilight, what did you mean by that?” Linkara asked.

“Well in Equestria, everypony talks.”

“Wait... Equestria? Is that where we are?” he asked.

“Well, seeing that you're in this hospital, yes you are in Equestria.”

“Never heard of it,” said Joe.

“Yeah, do you mind getting us a map so we can take a look and see if this place is real or not?” asked The Nostalgia Critic, clearly doubting Twilight's answer.

“Well, there's one over here,” said Twilight as she directed the three over the white tiles of the room over to a wall, the said wall having a map of some kind framed on it.

“Let's see...” stated Linkara, who put a finger on the frame saying,”here's Equestria.”

“Okay she's right, but let's see where America is,” replied The Nostalgia Critic.

The three then scrunched up their noses on the frame and began searching for their country, coming out empty handed.

“It's not on here!” screamed Joe as he punched the wall, creating a small crater in his fist's wake.

“If America's not on the map, then where the hell are we?” demanded Linkara, grabbing a hold of Twilight's coat, digging his fingernails into it.

Twilight had tears welling up in her eyes due to the amount of pain caused by the fingernails and by Linkara's switch from understanding to heartless.

Linkara sighed, letting go of Twilight as he spoke, “Listen I didn't mean to hurt you, it's just that we're far away from our home and we don't know where it is.”

Twilight sniffled, “It's okay Linkara, if I was in your hooves I'll be freaking out just like you.”

“Now, do you mind telling us what planet this is?” he asked, seeing if they were on a different planet, or just in some alternate reality.

“The planet we inhabit is known as Earth, Mr. Linkara.”

He could feel his blood turn ice cold as the hospital room swirled around him, “Did you say E-E-E-Earth?”

“Yes I did. Why? Is there some-” but when Twilight took a look below her, she saw Linkara passed out, face first, hat beside him on the floor.


Linkara opened his eyes, the brightness of the light hanging above blinding his vision for a moment. He squinted, wiping away the blindness as he looked around.

Once again he was in his little white bed, along with the same white walls, same white ceiling, and same purple coated unicorn.

“My head,” he groaned as he looked around the plain room and asked, “What the hell happened?”

“Well, after I told you what this planet's name was you passed out,” explained Twilight.

“Mind telling me what it was again?”

“It's called Earth.”

“Just as I thought,” said Linkara as he got up out of his bed and got Twilight.

“What do you mean Linkara?” asked Twilight.

“You see, I too, come from a planet known as Earth,” he answered, getting a gasp from Twilight.

“But that's impossible! Unless...”

“Unless this is an alternate reality,” he responded, “Trust me, I've been through multiple alternate realities, each with their own theme and this one's no different.”

“If this is an alternate reality, then how did you get here?”

“Well, The Nostalgia Critic contacted both me and Angry Joe, telling us both to go to some field. It was then we went through a portal in the ground. We all ended up slamming the ground as we fell, each one passing out and when we awakened we were here.”

“A portal?” Twilight asked.

“Yes, a portal,” he replied, “Also do you know who brought us to this hospital?”

“Well, I did. I saw you three on the ground and it looked like you guys were in pain, so I brought you here,” she answered.

“Thanks. If you didn't get us, I don't know where we'd be right now,” Linkara said.

“No need. I'm just helping ponies in need.”

Linkara smiled as he walked over to the door, placing a hand on the handle as he asked, “Do you know where The Nostalgia Critic and Joe went?”

“Yes, they should be near the entrance, waiting for you,” she answered.

"Let's not keep them waiting.” Said Linkara as he opened the door and started to walk towards the entrance with Twilight behind him.


Linkara and Twilight marched through the marble corridors of the hospital, encountering both doctors and nurses as they rushed frantically through rooms. Once they reached the entrance, two fists collided with Linkara's face, sending him to the ground. He got up and yelled, "What the hell!"

The Nostalgia Critic replied, "I told you if there were more of these ponies, I was going to sock you!"

"As did I." Said Joe.

"Fair enough," replied Linkara as he walked over to the two, clenching his nose,"So were do we go now Twilight?"

"I think it'll be best if we visit Princess Celestia and Luna to tell them about your predicament." She answered.

"Shall we be on our way?" The Nostalgia Critic asked.

"Yes, but first we should visit my friends."

"Why? I don't think they can help us," Joe responded.

"Strength in numbers and if we need to use the Elements of Harmony, we'll be ready."

"The Elements of what-now?" asked Joe.

"I think she said Helements of Armory." Replied The Nostalgia Critic.

"I'll tell you later." Answered Twilight as they marched out of the hospital and made their way to the nearby town.

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