The phone-call had been the signature ending of their friendship. Now blinded by guilt and unable to see her best friend, Vinyl relives everything that had made their bond so amazing to her. Will Vinyl ever manage to make it up to her? Or will Octavia disbelieve her ability to change after everything that happened?
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This is based on the "I am Octavia" song? I just listened to that last night for the first time. It was nice to see some people sympathized with Octavia like I do, and worry about her mental state. It's frustrating when so many fics just have cardboard characters of Octavia as a straw snob and Vinyl as a super popular hipster. That's why I this fic intrigued me.
You've got a really good start, going. All the fics I've seen, Vinyl is always very popular, even in her youth. I'm even guilty of that myself, and the fic I'm planning she's always been the super popular one. It's interesting, and well played, that she's suffering bullying and discrimination for something like her eyes. "Bloodshot," is a pretty good nickname. I can imagine how badly that would sting. If nothing else, it's building something original.
There isn't much here, so it's difficult. I feel like there's a good foundation built. I can imagine some sweet scenes, such as Octavia playing Vinyl a slow, melancholy melody. I would like it if you really worked to sell their friendship, since all the fics that I've seen, Octavia seems to have dependant personality disorder more than anything else. It's as if Vinyl was never really her friend, she was just so lonely, she almost clinged to anyone who looked at her (again, I'm a bit guilty of this characterization myself.) It's just nice to see Octavia as the strong one.
I hope you might continue this. There are a lot of stories you could tell, and you have a fresh perspective.
And I hope people will give this a chance and not judge it too harshly, since it goes against the accepted characterization of Octavia and Vinyl.
2486125 Thanks very much for your feedback and I will be sure to continue this fic around all of my A level work. The one key with my writing is emotion, I have to feel in the mood and relate to the emotion of a story to be able to write; in this case, I was pretty damn depressed. Even so, I shall not leave this story in the dust and will be sure to take your suggestions on board ^_^