Diamond Tiara trudged slowly up the ramp, tired, and looking much worse for wear. From inside the clubhouse, she could hear the occasional hoofstep, and things being moved around. Oh good, she thought to herself, Scootaloo must be back.
It was only later that it occurred to her that somepony else could have been in the clubhouse making noise, or, for that matter, that she wasn't supposed to actually like Scootaloo. Fortunately, this time Scootaloo was alone.
She looked up as Diamond entered, wrinkled her nose, and said "Man, Diamond, you really stink."
It goes without saying that this wasn't what Diamond wanted to hear after the day she'd had.
"And now you're starting in on me, too? It's just 'kick Diamond while she's down day', isn't it?" she fumed. "If I suck so badly, I suppose you won't want me staying here, either, then! I'll just find… a bush or something to sleep in, I g-guess…"
Diamond turned around in a huff, trying to keep herself from crying. She took a few steps down the ramp, not even really sure where she was going. Before she'd gone too far, she felt a tug on her tail. She turned and glared behind her. Scootaloo released Diamond's tail from her mouth, looking as though she'd just tasted something foul.
"Woah, woah, woah! That is not what I meant. Chill a little. It sounds like somepony had a bad day," Scootaloo said, sounding exasperated. "It just smells like you haven't had a bath in days, that's all. I could tell when you walked in by my nose alone."
That hadn't even occurred to her. She slumped a bit, hating to think of the condition she must be in, and suddenly itched all over just thinking about it.
She wiped off her eyes with one foreleg. "Oh."
"You know, you don't look so hot, either. Your coat is all dirty, there are green stains on your muzzle, and I saw something green sticking out of your teeth," Scootaloo said, then did a double-take. "Wait, have you been eating grass?"
Diamond's ears drooped as she remembered her attempts at getting lunch.
"I was so hungry," she told Scootaloo, feeling downhearted. "I haven't had anything else to eat for…"
Her voice trailed off as she tried to remember the last time she'd eaten a good meal. Scootaloo seemed to have gotten the idea, though.
"I know you don't have many bits, but-" Scootaloo said. "I'll tell you what, hold on a sec. I'll be right back."
Scootaloo pushed past Diamond on the ramp and headed down. Diamond heard some rustling, and a few minutes later, Scootaloo was back. Bits of twig and leaves were in her mane and coat, and she was carrying a few apples. She gave them to Diamond, and the two of them headed into the clubhouse.
"Why don't you eat these first, and then we'll talk."
How had Scootaloo done that? That was embarrassing, and she hated being dependant on Scootaloo. She really, really hated it. But she hadn't gotten enough grass earlier to do more than take the edge of her hunger. She gobbled down the apples, core and all, only pausing to spit out the seeds. Scootaloo watched with poorly concealed amusement.
Finally having gotten something substantial in her, she became a bit more self-conscious.
"Where did you even get these from?"
Scootaloo gave her a 'boy are you dumb' look. It seemed like she was getting a lot of those lately.
"The apple trees." Scootaloo pointed to the door. "Right outside the clubhouse? All over the place, in fact?"
Diamond looked more than a little put out. "I tried kicking one of those trees to get some apples earlier! I can still feel it in one of my hind legs! How did you get them down?"
"Diamond," Scootaloo replied as she shook her head. "You don't just kick them. You have to know how and where. It's an Apple family thing. Just kicking them any ol' which way won't work."
"You're not an Apple either, though," she pointed out.
"Well, no," she said, "but I'm pretty good at climbing up trees."
"Climbing trees." Diamond put her foreleg to her forehead and closed her eyes. "Right."
Her mother had always told her climbing trees wasn't a proper activity for a young lady. She'd always followed everything her mommy told her, but surviving was more important than being a proper young lady. The trouble was she didn't really know how to do it. She'd probably fall and break something.
And it's not like she was athletic like Scootaloo was. Diamond watched as she opened a trap door on the ceiling and pulled things out. She was pretty sure she wouldn't have even been able to reach it.
"What's all that stuff for?" she asked, pointing at the tub Scootaloo had pulled down. It had a scrub brush, a bar of soap, and a bottle of some sort of green goop inside it. Scootaloo grabbed a few towels and tossed them in as well.
"We're gonna take a quick trip down to the pond," Scootaloo said.
"What for?"
"Well, I'm ready for a bath myself. And you are way more than ready." Scootaloo waved in Diamond's direction. "Obviously, we don't have a bathroom or anything, but there are ways around that."
A bath would certainly be lovely, but that stuff wasn't anything she associated with a proper bath. No bath salts, bubble bath, or bath toys, for one thing. Whatever. Let's see what Scootaloo has in mind.
"Alright," she said, resigning herself to yet more walking. "Let's go."
Scootaloo picked up the large tub and awkwardly balanced it on her back. "I'd usually toss this in our wagon. No chance of that, though. It was pretty smashed up."
With everypony talking about Apple Bloom's hind legs, she hadn't thought much about their wagon. It would have been damaged, though, wouldn't it?
Scootaloo slowly walked down the ramp, and Diamond Tiara trotted after her.
"You know, how did that wagon manage to hit Apple Bloom hard enough to break her legs, anyway?"
Scootaloo glared back at her, as if she wasn't sure if Diamond was trying to make fun of her.
"Didn't you see it? It was your fault, after all," Scootaloo growled.
Diamond shrank away from Scootaloo. "I was kinda far away, and by the time I got closer, Miss Cheerilee was yelling at me."
"We all got tossed out of the wagon, but Apple Bloom landed on some rocks right in front of it, and her hind legs got caught between the two," Scootaloo explained. "You really just thought it'd be funny?"
Somehow, with all the horrible things that had happened to her, even if things had gone as planned, it didn't seem that funny any more.
"I don't know." She sighed. "It just seems dumb now. It was dumb. And now everypony in town hates me."
"I doubt everypony would even have heard 'bout it," Scootaloo said, then frowned. "I know you weren't able to get apples earlier, but why didn't you just buy something for lunch?"
"Because everypony does hate me," she insisted. "When I went to buy lunch, they wouldn't sell me anything!"
"What?" Scootaloo asked, surprised. "Even if they don't like you, usually they'll sell you something. That's why they're there! They might overcharge you, of course."
"They wouldn't. The stallion in the stall started yelling at me. At me!"
"At somepony who looked like they'd gone rolling in the dirt a few times?" Scootaloo said.
"That was from later. I went to visit my mother."
"Don't think I've met her. Good idea, though. Maybe she could take you in or talk to your father for you," Scootaloo said, looking hopeful, probably at the prospect of not having to deal with her in the future. "How is she?"
"Dead," Diamond said flatly.
"Oh," Scootaloo said. "I'm sorry."
"She's been dead. I just-" Diamond shook her head. "I don't really feel like talking about it, okay?"
"Alright," Scootaloo replied, and they continued walking in silence. Once they got near the pond, Scootaloo stopped for a minute and wiped the sweat off her forehead with one wing, panting. The stuff on her back must be heavy.
"So, what now?" Diamond asked, still not sure what they were doing.
Scootaloo put the tub down, and started emptying it.
"We're close enough to the pond, I think," Scootaloo said, looking over at the pond. "Now we need to take this bucket and fill the tub with water."
"Wouldn't the water in the pond be all muddy, though?" Diamond asked.
She shook her head. "Nah, it's pretty clean. Kinda cold, but it's warm enough out right now. Winter is a pain, though."
Yeah, when it's snowing or the pond is covered in ice would be a problem. "What do you do during winter?"
"I don't take baths nearly as often, that's for sure. It seems like a lot of Cutie Mark Crusader sleepovers happened last winter, though."
So Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle were helping her out. It must be nice to have friends like that. She missed Silver Spoon even more, thinking about it.
Scootaloo brought the bucket over to the pond, filled it, and dumped water into the tub. Then she went back to the pond, and repeated the whole thing all over again. She kept doing it until the tub was mostly full, pausing once to scoop a fish out of the tub and bring it back to the pond.
"I don't know if you noticed, but there's a cork here on the side." Scootaloo tapped the side of the tub, where there was indeed a cork plugged in. "I'm gonna get in and scrub myself down with the brush and soap, and wash my mane and tail. Then I'll pull out the cork to drain it, and it'll be your turn."
Diamond dipped one foreleg into the pond experimentally and shivered. Summer or not, that water was cold!
"This doesn't seem very much like a proper bath to me," she said.
"Oh?" Scootaloo replied. "What would you consider a proper bath, then?"
"Well, first I'd call for Grey, and he'd draw up a bath for me. I'd check the temperature and get in, he'd add rose-scented bubble bath to it, bath salts, and a few toys, then he'd start scrubbing my back…" her voice faded off as she saw Scootaloo's look of disgust.
"Man, you really were spoiled, weren't you?" she said. "I've had baths at a buncha places, including at Rarity's, and none of them were like that. Though sleeping over at the Carousel Boutique was close. Certainly nopony's ever scrubbed my back for me."
Diamond Tiara bristled. "And what's wrong with that?"
"Nothing if you don't wanna be able to take care of things when nopony is there. But if you hafta do things without help, and you can't even take a bath by yourself…"
She was actually getting pretty worried about that, and not just in regards to baths. But she wasn't about to admit that to Scootaloo.
"I can manage."
Scootaloo sighed. "Sure you can. Well, watch me while I take my bath, I guess, and just try to do the same thing when it's your turn."
With that, Scootaloo jumped in the tub, splashing Diamond with water. Diamond sputtered and shook herself off indignantly. She was pretty sure watching somepony else bathe had absolutely no decorum to it, so she tried to ignore her, no matter what Scootaloo might have said.
Not that Scootaloo made that easy, of course, as she seemed to feel it was her duty to provide Diamond with a running commentary.
"So, you splash all around and get yourself good and wet. Then rub soap all over, especially in hard to reach places, like under your wings…"
"I don't have wings," Diamond interjected.
"Next you grab this scrub brush, and scrub off all the soap," Scootaloo said proudly, like she'd just described how to solve a complex physics problem. "Easy."
Right. She could have figured that much out. But Scootaloo just kept up the chatter. She scrubbed as Diamond tried to avert her gaze, then grabbed that awful-looking bottle of green goop.
"Now, just rub the shampoo in your mane and tail, work it in real good, wait a minute, then wash it out."
Diamond thought back to her own previous baths. She knew something about this. "Aren't you supposed to have separate shampoos for your mane and tail?"
"Why bother?" Scootaloo shrugged. "It's not like I got a buncha bits for shampoo or anything. No conditioner, either, if you're gonna ask 'bout that next. Not quite sure what it's for, actually."
Well, this was certainly going to be crude. She was distracted when Scootaloo jumped out of the tub. Wet and dripping, she shook herself off, splashing Diamond yet again.
As Diamond gave her a glare, Scootaloo wrapped herself in a towel, and pulled the cork out of the tub. While it drained, she dried herself off, then put the cork back in.
"I'll right, I'm done," she told Diamond. "Just fill it with the bucket, and you can get started."
Diamond looked at her blankly. "Fill it?"
"Yes, fill it," Scootaloo snapped at her. "I brought all this stuff here myself, I filled mine, I'll probably be lugging it back, and I'm helping you out with buying dinner. I'm not filling the tub for you, and I'm not scrubbing your back. Got it?"
Diamond waved one foreleg dismissively. "Fine, fine."
She trudged over and filled up the bucket from the pond, then lugged over to the tub and dumped it in. Filled, it was actually pretty heavy. With a sigh, she picked up the handle with her teeth, and took it over to fill it again.
"Make sure you don't scoop up anything else with the water," Scootaloo said, and pulled a piece of seaweed out of the tub. Diamond just ignored her and kept filling. Once it was high enough, and she was too tired to fill it further, she delicately stepped in. Gah, that's cold.
Scootaloo shrugged. "You'll get used to it after a bit."
Somehow, that didn't seem likely. Now where did that bar of soap go? Diamond started fishing around, and after nearly slipping, found it. She started crudely smearing the soap all over her body.
Rudely enough, Scootaloo seemed to still be watching her as she bathed. Worse, she started up her commentary again.
"You missed a spot over there," she said, pointing.
Diamond quickly smeared soap on the spot in question. "I was just about to get that!"
Finally, when she figured she'd gotten everywhere, she set down the bar of soap. Scootaloo seemed to have different ideas, though.
"Aren't you gonna clean under your tail and between your hind legs?" Scootaloo said.
Diamond flushed. Scootaloo wanted her to do what?
"Why are you even looking there?" she yelled.
"You don't wanna end up smelling like pee, do you?"
She huffed a bit, but decided Scootaloo had a point, and reluctantly gave in.
"Fine, but just… don't watch me, okay?"
Scootaloo did look away for a minute, much to her relief. Then Diamond started scrubbing all the soap off, and Scootaloo was right back on her case.
It seemed like her comments just came one after another: "You know, you aren't holding that right."
Moments later, it was: "You're missing spots again."
Then: "I think you need to scrub over there harder."
At this point, Diamond wasn't too sure if Scootaloo was trying to be helpful or annoy her. Possibly both. She picked up the shampoo, and immediately had more on her mind once she looked at the label.
"A sophisticated formulation guaranteed to prevent fleas and ticks… This is dog shampoo!" she said.
"So what?" Scootaloo said. "Winona has a nice, shiny coat, doesn't she?"
"Yeah, but…"
"This is the same shampoo she uses." Scootaloo waved one hoof. "The exact same shampoo, in fact. Applejack accidentally bought a new bottle when she didn't need to, and Apple Bloom grabbed the old one."
"B-but it's for a dog!" Diamond sputtered.
"It's still mostly the same stuff. I've used it on my mane and tail without problems. It's even better, really. Do you want fleas and ticks?"
Grumbling, she started lathering up her mane and tail. Afterwards, something occurred to her. "Do I actually need to worry about fleas?"
"Not with that shampoo you don't!" Scootaloo quipped. "The clubhouse is kinda in the open, though, and they could get in. I've done a few things to try and keep them out, though."
She tilted her head curiously, then quickly wiped off some shampoo suds that were on a collision course for her eyes. "Like what?"
"Do you remember the clubhouse kinda smelling like peppermint when you came in?"
The main thing that reminded her of Twist's peppermint sticks. She shrugged.
"I looked it up. Fleas don't like the smell of peppermint."
Sure they don't, Scootaloo. When are you ever in a library?
Diamond rinsed out her mane and tail, unplugged the hole and let the water drain out. She daintily stepped out of the tub. She then grinned, stepped closer to Scootaloo, and started shaking all over, getting as much of the water on her as she could before grabbing another towel and rubbing her fur off.
"Hey!" Scootaloo yelped. "No fair!"
"You did it to me twice," she said smugly. "If anything, you still owe me one. But I shall ignore that out of the kindness of my heart."
"You have a heart?" Scootaloo muttered.
Ignoring her, Diamond dried herself off, then wrapped the towel around her mane. She glanced back at the tub and noticed something.
"Um, Scoots?" Diamond asked, somehow feeling a bit closer to her after their banter. "How are we going to get that tub back without, like, getting mud all over the place?"
Scootaloo glanced back at her, one eyebrow raised at the use of her nickname. "Well, I guess I'll just rinse it off, then one of us will carry it back on that extra towel I brought along."
A few minutes later, the orange pegasus had the tub rinsed off, and had gotten rid of the mud that got on her in the process.
"I'll tell you what. I'm kinda tired now," she said. "Why don't you carry it back, Diamond?"
"Do I have to?" Diamond said automatically.
Scootaloo gave her a look that said she'd better grab the tub right now or there'd be trouble. She sighed, put the extra towel over her back, and put the tub on top. Scootaloo grabbed the bucket and stuck it in the tub with everything else.
"Come on," Scootaloo said, and the two of them slowly walked back to the clubhouse. When they got to the ramp, she looked at it for a moment dubiously.
"Don't worry, I'll be right on your tail," Scootaloo assured her.
As she proceeded slowly up the ramp, the tub kept wanting to slip in this direction and that one, and every so often, Scootaloo nudged it back into position. Eventually Diamond dropped the tub on the clubhouse floor with a clatter. Scootaloo grabbed it back up, and shoved it back where she'd gotten it from.
"Well, after all that, I'm ready for dinner. Why don't you come to the market with me. If you give me the bits to pay for it, I'll buy your dinner, and you won't hafta deal with nasty merchants."
Diamond was embarrassed to realise that after those apples, she was still hungry. She'd missed several meals, and they hadn't really been enough, though they had helped a lot. Well, looked like she was going to need to be even more dependant on Scootaloo.
It was funny, though. Diamond had always pretty much considered Scootaloo comic relief. The funny flightless pegasus that buzzed around on her scooter, and was always trying to get her cutie mark. A real loser. But Scoots was okay. She vaguely wondered what else she had been wrong about.
"So, I guess we're just waiting for Sweetie Belle, then?" she asked.
Scootaloo raised one eyebrow. "You think the three of us spend all our time outside of school together? We do spend a bunch of time crusading, but not every day."
"So she's probably just having dinner at the Carousel Boutique, then?"
"She's at home with her parents," Scootaloo corrected. "She doesn't always stay with her sister either, you know."
"Oh, right," Diamond said. She wasn't sure she'd even met Sweetie Belle's parents, actually. "Give me a few minutes and we can head over, then. I've done more walking in the last few days then I remember ever doing."
"Well, that'll give us a few minutes to talk about this morning, then," Scootaloo said, crossing her forelegs.
She glanced at Scootaloo. "Actually, I think I'm ready."
"You know, you hafta go to school," Scootaloo said. "Ponies get suspicious if you're out during school hours, and you'll have trouble finding a job later if you don't."
"I can't go back," Diamond told Scootaloo again. "Everypony hates me. I think they were going to try and break my legs yesterday."
"Look, I've always had to deal with bullies, but I still go to school every day," Scootaloo frowned and Diamond winced, realising she had been one of them. "It's just part of life."
"I couldn't even call Miss Cheerilee over to get some help, though," Diamond said.
"She isn't always gonna be there. Of course—that's right, you weren't there today or half of yesterday, so you wouldn't know."
"Know what?" Diamond asked.
"Miss Cheerilee saw that issue of the Foal Free Press. She gave us a long lecture about good journalism yesterday after lunch, and announced a few staff openings at the paper."
"But she was really upset at me! I heard her yelling the other day!" Diamond protested.
"Maybe so, but she was really upset about this, too," Scootaloo continued. "When she found out how you were chased away from school, she handed out detentions to everypony involved."
"How would she even know what happened?" Diamond said, perplexed.
"Not everypony hates you. Twist, Silver Spoon, and one or two others told her about it."
This made no sense. "So she isn't upset I left?"
Scootaloo scowled. "Well, you might get talked to about yelling at Twist. What didja do that for?"
"I don't know, alright?" Diamond defended herself. "It felt like I was losing Silvy to Twist, and I just lost it."
"That hardly helped ponies' opinions of you, you know."
"Yeah." Diamond sighed. "I figured out afterwards that Twist was, like, trying to be nice to me, too."
"Anyways, try to go back to school on Monday? Apple Bloom gets out of the hospital tomorrow, so she'll probably be the center of attention in any case."
"Wait. Apple Bloom's getting out of the hospital tomorrow?"
"And we're having a Cutie Mark Crusader meeting here, too," Scootaloo stated. "You might want to talk to her first, you know? Getting a wheelchair up that ramp oughta be fun."
Oh Celestia, I'm gonna have to talk to her about all this tomorrow. She's gonna kill me.
"So, ready for dinner?" Scootaloo asked.
With a lump in her throat, Diamond just nodded and followed Scootaloo out of the clubhouse.
This story is progressing nicely although it seems a bit like you're dragging out the "Apple Bloom's return" part. This chapter felt like more of a filler than a meaningful scene in the story....
Other than the bath part. She did kinda need one.
Well... I can see how Diamond Tiara will change for the better... but I want to know what the Apple family will do when they find out Filthy kicked her daughter out on the street to die (Potentially lose business with them forever since the Apples fully embrace "Family comes first")
Man the the meeting between Diamond and Apple Bloom is going to be epic. Ponyville sure seems blase about homeless kids though.
3511220
Well, keeep in mind a few days in the hospital for observation is standard for kids with broken legs. I might even be pushing the timeline a little on that one.
I feel this chapter was necessary to give some emotional cooldown after the last chapter, get Diamond Tiara used to the fact that she's going to need to rely on Scoots a bit more, and other things.
Of course, I had to push some things off to the next chapter.
3511519
Well, it all depends on what the situation is by the time they find out about it, doesn't it?
You are right that the Apple family wouldn't be particularly tolerant of Filthy having kicked Diamond out, though.
3511536
People see what they want to see, really, and generally speaking, even if you notice something wrong with a kid, you aren't going to jump to the conclusion that they don't have anywhere to live right away, especially if they are trying to hide it.
3511220
I had a similar thought, at first blush. Buuuuut...
A great deal of it is likely because the last chapter is so intense. Especially with the graveyard scene, and the adorable kitten-ness. It'd be pretty hard to keep things at that level of emotional insanity. And pretty tiring. So a step back was inevitable. Besides, there does need to be time to show what's going to be the fulcrum of DT's redemption. Friendship, no? And in this chapter we see Diamond actually warming up to Scoots in normal, everyday happenings. Using her nickname. Playing around with her. Having an actual conversation where she admits her wrongdoing, and her fears. All of that is huge, but it's also pretty subtle. A bunch of kids aren't going to make a huge production out of that sort of thing.
3511821
Hmm, true enough. You've managed to change my viewpoint on this story and that chapter in particular.
-applause-
3511916
Ha! Well, I live to give.
Along the way, I just realized that if I was writing Cubic Zirconia, I'd probably have had a chapter (well, or scenes given my usual chapter length) very much like this one. A quiet bit to take a breath and take stock of progress. And to give a bit of hope for the formerly nasty character.
...then again, if I was writing Cubic Zircona, there would have been at least two crackship subplots, a magic duel and an invasion of Ponyville by evil forces by now.
3512063
I would have had changelings and Daddy Discord type stuff in which DT finds out she's Screwball's long lost sister.
Yup. My maaaarvelous mind that has yet to post more than one short chapter of one story on this site works that way.
Òh hells yeah. Apple Bloom returns!
3511821>>3511916
Yeah, that's about it. Next chapter won't be too dissimilar, since it was originally supposed to be part of this chapter. I wanted to make sure I got all that in, as well as Diamond having to depend on Scootaloo with last chapter as a very big example of what happens when she doesn't, and a bit of compare and contrast between the two of them, showing the different places they are coming from.
Not to mention Scootaloo begrudgingly acting as student and mentor figure. While amusing, her little lecture on how to give a bath isn't a coincidence...
3512063>>3512816
I always enjoy people's ideas for what they would have done differently and where things are going, really. The terrible thing is that I want to see rip-off fics of this one, because there are lots of ways I could have gone and didn't that were interesting.
For example:
That would have been a great fanfic.
Diamond going really bad is intriguing, and Diamond living with Twilight'd be fun.
Not to mention, if I wanted to go really dark, I could have had Diamond turning tricks in an alleyway to survive, or washing up dead the next day. That's not the type of story I wanted to tell, though.
Of course, I was tempted to throw in a bit of Scootatiara, especially with the "Why are you even looking there?" scene. I decided against it.
3513772
Well, tomorrow Apple Bloom returns. Which won't be next chapter. Next chapter, Diamond gets dinner. ("You know, there's a little teriyaki stand we could get something at." ) Probably the chapter after that.
3514202
All right. I think I just tend to focus on every little detail sometimes, including the non-important parts that lead me to conclusions like "This chapter obviously accomplished nothing".
And if you want spin-offs of this story then you could practically put a big fat stamp on the description stating so.
Lots of writers might be thrilled.
I love this story so much!
Excellent.
3525622
Glad you enjoyed it. It's interesting to think about Bab's threat to tell Diamond's mother about her bad behavior in light of her mother being dead, too...
3525732
Not sure if I mentioned this before, but I'm really liking your pacing. This is what I like to see in a slice of life; where does she sleep, how does she stay warm, what does she eat, how does she stay clean, etc. You're doing great.
3525837
Thanks. I'll admit I worry a little about how slow everything goes occasionally, but when you are concentrating on characterization, little things like what type of shampoo one pony uses verses another makes a difference.
I will start skipping days eventually, though, once Diamond's life is a little more stable and into a routine. Eventually I plan to skip ahead a few weeks, even. but that'll be a while...
It's also nice to know there's someone out there that'd appreciate the first few chapters of the sequel to Making Friends if I ever publish them, since they are paced around the same way...
--arcum42
Technical issues aside, I like this chapter a lot. More character for both DT and Scoots, some excellent lines regarding canon (a lot of people forget Sweetie Belle lives with her folks, and I think you reminded me of that once or twice, too).
And the idea that Cheerilee does stick up because two wrongs don't make a right, that's lovely. The bathing scene was... odd, but enjoyable. In general, I like how this fic takes a very practical approach to the matter. Yes, Diamond, you do need to wash there, or you will smell.
Still so many questions, though, and not even all of them are related to the main story. There's still the matter of Scootaloo, although I'm beginning to think she's just unofficially adopted. All public servants just take care of her basic needs, maybe? There's mention of the library, surely Twilight knows the legal mumbo-jumbo about all this? See? So many questions!
The only technical remarks I have are on Scootaloo's dialogue. I keep wondering why she says 'Man', and at times it almost sounds like she's copying Apple Bloom's accent. But that's a superficial remark, the content is great.
3528625
This was largely a breather and character development chapter, and I can't resist throwing in the jabs at both how canon and fancon write things occasionally.I may have another one in the next chapter of Just Winging It, if I ever get that far.
And yeah. Cheerilee wasn't upset at what Diamond Tiara did because it was one of her students was hurt. And when someone tries to hurt any of her students, she'll behave the same way.
A lot of the idea there was that Scootaloo is a lot more pragmatic then Diamond is. Scootaloo's bathing advice was fun to write, though.
Scoots situation, well, you can see parts of it. The shampoo clearly came from Apple Bloom, and the tub seems likely to have come from there, too. Remember the bath in One Bad Apple?
And constant sleepovers during the winter? Including at Raritys? Not to mention food from the Apples and Pinkie, of course.
I suppose practically speaking that she'd copy the wayy Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle talk a bit, but I'll try to watch the way she talks.
And my nice quiet next chapter's been interupted by a lecture from Applejack. Oh well...
Hm, I guess I'm a little slow in commenting on this chapter. Ah well. Kinda funny, though, that the longest chapter so far turns out to be such a simple one in terms of dramatic action or passage of time and number of events. But that's fine, it's interesting watching these two gradually becoming more familiar with each other and their interactions are pretty entertaining.
Also, I was rather amused by the bit about Sweetie Belle. Definitely seems like a bit of a meta joke there. It always seemed silly how even after their parents were introduced in the show, the majority of people still act like Sweetie lives with Rarity. I wanted to make a comic about that a while ago, but never got around to it, in which Rarity is dramatically wailing, woe-is-me style, about the hardships of having to support her poor orphaned sister all by herself, then next panel their parents walk through, say hi, and leave again, then Rarity immediately goes right back to wailing. People sure are reluctant to abandon their tragic backstories.
And now to wait and see how the encounter with Apple Bloom will turn out. Lots of different ways that could go.
3533331
It is funny how that works out. In fact, I wanted to add in Diamond and Scootaloo going to town for dinner, but it was already long enough as is, and that was a good spot to end it. And this was very much a character development chapter. I had such fun with Scoots trying to teach DT how to bathe, and pragmatism and prissiness battling it out. Or something like that.
I couldn't resist the meta-joke, and even have another one in mind, but not for this story. Tragic backstories are something I do too much, but I'd rather stick to canon when I have it.
The Apple Bloom encounter will be interesting, but right now I seem to be on Applejack...
3547548
Yeah. For now they have so much potential. More so sweetie Belle because of her not having a cutie mark which brings more possibilities.
3547548>>3548370
I'm certainly enjoying writing Diamond Tiara and fleshing her out in this story. Half her issues in this story are largely problems with how she was raised, too, One of the reasons I like writing it is that she's got this whole mental idea of how things are supposed to be and it's being broken into a thousand pieces.
Sweetie Belle's not as major of a character here, though she's certainly along for the ride, and her one appearance so far went pretty well. Scootaloo really gets the lion's share of the secondary character spot here, though, simply by proximity.
Of course, I did write a one shot once that did have Sweetie Belle as the main character...
--arcum42
This is a splendid writing, or at last very close to it. It's very enjoyable to see how you depict Diamond's flow of thoughts, her physique, her vision of "how things work" and how it all is changing with time. How she is changing herself. The slow and detailed style is really playing into your own hands, this gives very traced and intense pictures of characters(well, you know how they say, that devil is in details).
You were asking for other Diamond reforming fics (To say true, I didn't find much of that. I wonder why people say, they've read a ton of such stories), so I can recommend you to read My worst enemy. This is a classic story, which involves Diamond living with Apples and working on their farm. But the differences from your story are that here she isn't that spoiled and as a result not that much reformed. She just learns to respect some things and that's all, but it's quiet fair from my sight of view.
Now about how I see things going to be. Applejack, despite her present "glaring" and probable future "yelling", will be the one who strongly sympathise with Diamond (give her a hug or something). She lost her parents early, so it would be easy for her to understand the filly's situation. So likely, she'll take her in and will give a small place somewhere in the barn. After all Diamond is just a little girl, who lost her home. But that doesn't mean she doesn't have to work, case "Who doesn't work - doesn't get food" and in anyway apples needs a pare of free hooves now, when Applebloom is out of business.
As for Applebloom herself, well... You said that Scootaloo made Diamond Tiara her pet and Applebloom is going to make Diamond her slave. It's not that she is that cruel, or won't be touched by her story. It's just she needs someone to push her around (literally), help her with her daily doings(can't help, but to image how Diamond is rubbing Applebloom's back or helping her get to the toilet). And ofcourse because it's fun to make someone, who poisoned you daily life for years, to pay for it, which is actually fair. So it will be a very rough road for Diamond not only to make Applebloom to forgive her, but even to accept her.
P.S. It's still hard to image, that no one had actually noticed, that Scootaloo is living in a tree house, and presuming your story, is living their for years. And if most of ponies, who are giving her things for free, know that she is homeless, why haven't they done anything about it? It just looks like they are blind or rather uncaring about anypony around them. Will this story include Scoot-adopting?
You really need to write faster, seriously, this story's way too good to make people wait for so long between chapters.
3626596
Thanks. I'm not a very experienced writer, but I do read a lot, and I've been trying to show how Diamond Tiara's mind works, and what the current situation is doing to her. Of course, the pace will have to pick up eventually.
Oh, and actually, I've read My Worst Enemy. You might like Clean Slate, too.
Some of what you've posted is on target enough that I have scenes planned out for it, and some isn't quite where I'm headed. ^_^
As far as all the ponies knowing Scootaloo is homeless, well... Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle know, and have been doing everything they can for her, but haven't told anyone. Most of the things Scootaloo has gotten for free from them were sort of acquired. ("I reckon my sis wouldn't notice if I took this extra bottle of shampoo and gave it to Scoots...")
Pinkie Pie, well, she happens to have made a Pinkie Pie promise about things she overhears when running Sugarcube Corner to the Cakes. Most of the others either haven't noticed anything's wrong, or haven't figured out she lives in the clubhouse. She doesn't act homeless, and doesn't seem like she's in distress or really needs help.
It seems obvious to us, but it's not really the first thing you'd think of. People can be rather blind sometimes. Also, as far as years goes, I'm thinking she arrived in Ponyville shortly before Twilight.
As far as Scoot-adopting goes, it's certainly a possibility. It'd suck if Diamond got a home and Scootaloo didn't, wouldn't it?
I just adjusted the description to indicate that the story doesn't take season four canon into account, btw...
--arcum42
3626836
Sorry, in the middle of a move, so all writing's slowed down as a result. And I'm trying to get the next chapter of Just Winging It out first, because it's had longer on updates...
--arcum42
Lol.
Awkward Scootaloo makin things awkward.
3664509
Thanks. It actually means a lot to know that my story affected someone that much. Though, to be honest, writing the graveyard scene was very tough, because I was tearing up.
Things will get better for her, though. Not that there won't be other things coming along, of course.
3664543
Yep. The interplay between them was fun, and we really needed that after the last chapter...
--arcum42
3664731
Dang, you know its good when the author starts crying.
3665895
It wouldn't be the first time a scene effected me emotionally. The scene where Diamond wakes up in the clubhouse, remembers what her father did, and starts beating up on pillows actually made writing the rest of the chapter difficult, because every time I opened it, that was the first thing that hit my eyes, and it had such raw gaping emotional wounds there...
The graveyard one, I was trying to work on it at work and kept stopping because I didn't want to start crying at work. Eventually I decided to finish it later.
3666621
Poor Diamond.
But why does she still want her dad if her dad was the one who abandoned her?
Filthy apparently thinks that cash is more important than his daughter.
I also have a feeling that creamy redhead is related to Twist, and that's why he was so upset.
Because, ahem, color scheme much?
3666722
It's because love isn't just something you can turn on and off, and she does love him. She also hates him now, but her love for him is still there. He may not necessarily deserve it, but that happens sometimes.
What she really wants, of course, is for her father to return her affection. You know, a lot of times when kids are acting up, they are just looking for attention, even if they aren't aware of it...
And yeah, the color scheme was deliberate, though I'm not sure how much it came across. I don't know if I'll work this in, but that'd be Twist's older brother, on his first job after graduating.
I wanted there to actually be a reason behind him going off on her, because the whole town wouldn't really be out to get Diamond. Doesn't make him less of a jerk, of course.
--arcum42
3666829
I assumed so.
Maybe Twist was the female voice or maybe Applebloom?
And I see your point with the love thing. Even though my mother gets upset at me for the silliest things, I used to feel really guilty and bad even though I knew it wasn't my fault.
3668398
Funny, I usually get people assuming it was Applejack.
I'll just point out the following:
I can be a little too subtle for my own good when writing occasionally.
And yeah, she'll have a lot of trouble dealing with him for quite a long time if she does have to for some reason, because half of her want to hit him, and half wants a hug...
--arcum42
3668493
Damn it, why do I never pay attention?
But didn't she see Applejack a few moments ago and ran from her? Sorry if I'm wrong or its in the last chapter. I get way too many things mixed up.
3668818
She saw Applejack right before that, Applejack glared at her, and she detoured to the other side of the market, where this stall was. That's why so many people think it was Applejack.
And don't worry, I think that slid by most people. I'm planning on revisiting the marketplace, though.
--arcum42
3668926
Oooooh. I assumed that Applejack was already at a stall. Was she? I forget everything.
3748416
Heh, thanks for this and the other approval. My stories automatically get into Twilight's Library, so half the reason I submitted them to the other libraries was to see if they'd get in, though I know the criteria are different.
Of course, the one I'll really be curious about is the one I never added to Twilight's Library, because at the time, I wasn't sure it actually would qualify...
Yep, I'm favoriting this. This is too good to miss updates on. Great story.
3762229
Thanks! RL's been getting in the way recently,but I promise I am working on the next chapter...
--arcum42
3626849 Well, I recently have read "Clean Slate". At last. And it made me to like your story even more. It's not like "Clean Slate" is bad, it's actually a really good-crafted story with it's own charm, but... some things are just off. This whole story with amnesia seems very fishy to me: she just forgets everything and "that's all folks"? No recollections about who she was and what she used to be, eh? A completely new start as a "clean slate"? This idea seems to me just another way of running from your past and from yourself (and actually, not the right way to run). If everything would be that easy...
It's also doubtful weather or not Diamond Tiara remains herself, because after the accident she looses all of her manic mannerisms. Yes, she does save her tenacity and some other innate qualities, but still a very questionable transformation. I don't say that this is impossible... but at the same time much more less probable and less plausible. And anyway, Diamond Tiara without her main features, doesn't feel much like Diamond Tiara at all.
And the second one. The story has a view from the third face, which should help us to understand the inner world of the main character, his feelings, sorrows e.t.c. But it looks like Diamond doesn't have any strong emotions at all! Seriously, in her perception of the world everything seems to me grey and silver. It's like nothing can really touch her. Did she got her head mauled to hard or something? If you look closer to the text, you may notice that there are hardly any expressions and phrases, that shows us the character felt something DEEPER then she always did.
Well, this comment probably doesn't belong here, but I can post it in the original fic discussion anyway. So waiting for a feedback...
Love it. can't wait for next chapter.
So Scootaloo's "wise mentor figure" act is kind of ruined by the fact that she isn't telling Diamond Tiara exactly what she needs to do. Tell a responsible adult who doesn't hate her, exactly what happened. And that's all of the adults who don't hate her. Because any adult who can hate a child for something that was probably an accident isn't responsible.
4892746
Yeah, but this is the same world that let two foals go into Pony Murder Forest to get an enraged Star Beast into town. Then blamed Trixie for their poor parenting. And saw that Cheese Sandwhich was a run away and basically ignored him. And has never really shown that it cares about foals, nor helping victims who aren't popular, famous, or have powerful connections.
So I can see both Scoots learning not to trust adults with alot, as well as adults kicking Deets when she's down because she injured someone related to a pony who fits the above conditions (being an Apple and all that entails.).
8107598
Scoots definitely isn't going to teach Diamond any lessons that Scootaloo has yet to learn!
In her experience, adults are trouble. Aside maybe from Rainbow 'Danger' Dash, and she's not exactly going to recommend Diamond opens up to someone that she has yet to open up to herself...
--arcum42
8107738
Going to comment on all of the other comments + this one before heading off to bed.
______________
Pinkie Promise is the name of a ritual. Rituals get capitalized when they have a specific thing that must be done / are done in said ritual (as opposed to Rites of Passage). That and Pinkie Promises are caped in their canon references in such things as cards, books, and wikis.
___________
Yeah I'm glad that you didn't go with Spoiled Rich as well. And she isn't in this fic (that we've seen). Since she was the one who raised Deets in the show to be what she was to the CMC. And we see that all of her acts to the CMC are just her spouting / acting on her mother's beliefs (so I really couldn't see Spoiled kicking Deets out. Since Deets would be doing exactly the kind of thing Spoiled preaches (and has been since S1). At least until the 'Lost Mark', when she did a face-heel turn.).
What you have though with Primrose works perfectly.
________________
And yep. As I said, 'not trusting them with alot'. Which basically means nothing, other than she'd be willing 'to help' for bits. Or trusting them not to poison her food. Or even (for a select few) being watched over for a small amount of time (Crusader Sleepovers, School, Pinkie Pie hooking her up with meals. Etc.).
But yeah. She has a lot to learn about trust. And I think that's going to be a long time coming, if her parents were as abusive / horrible as I'm thinking they were.
______________
Also. If you need a pre-reader. IRL's pretty busy, but I can set up time to read over your stuff. And I hope IRL slows down enough for you to write as much as you wish you could. This is a great fic (as is 'Just Winging It'. Seriously miss seeing new chapters on that). And best of luck to you on your IRL side of things ^_^.
8107598
And considering when they bother to care it never goes well. Applejack went over overbroad trying to protect her sister when she was supposed to working only for her sister to do her job. Then afterwards despite the fact that they could go through a clearly dangerous swamp they aren't capable of handling a train ride.